Hopestream: Parenting Kids Through Addiction & Mental Health

Inside Your Kid's Mind: Hidden Pain Behind Substance Use, with Brad McLeod

Thu, 14 May 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Brad was 17, sitting in a psych ward for the second time, when a stranger told him about a program in Tennessee. He said no. He ran from a rest stop on the highway, and the police caught him a few hours later. That moment tells you everything about where he was: a kid who had never learned to stay, never learned to feel, and hadn’t yet found anything worth staying for.

What followed was more than a decade of trying to outrun himself. Percocet. Heroin. A methadone clinic he drove to every morning with no car and no money. A felony conviction at 18. A deportation to Canada with a lifetime ban from the US. Brad doesn’t tell his story like a cautionary tale. He tells it like someone who finally understands what his brain was looking for, and what it took to stop running long enough to build something worth keeping.

Today he hosts Sober Motivation, a top 0.5% podcast globally with more than five million downloads, and runs an online community for people in recovery. He started it from his basement not because he had the answers, but because he knew what it felt like to be alone in this.

This conversation is for every parent who has watched their child go through treatment and wondered if anything is actually landing. Brad says something I’ve believed for years but have rarely heard said plainly: sobriety is the starting line, not the finish line. What he built after that line, and why it held, is what this episode is really about.

If you’ve done everything right and it still isn’t working, this one is for you.

YOU’LL LEARN:

How Brad went from two psych ward stays and a felony to host of a top recovery podcast
Why sobriety was never his problem, and what the real work looked like
The question he asks every person about the night before they get sober
What getting back on ADHD medication at 38 finally showed him about himself
What it means to build a life you have something to lose in

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Sober Motivation Podcast
Sober Motivation Community
Brandon Novak Memoir, Dreamseller

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Watch the podcast on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

Co-Dependency Isn’t What You Think, with Rawly Glass, LCSW

Thu, 07 May 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Rawly Glass grew up in a home full of violence. At 16, he made a pact that he would figure out how to do things differently. He earned a master's in social work, built a career in private therapy, and by all appearances was doing the work. But something from his history kept surfacing, quiet and persistent. When someone handed him the word codependent, he turned it over and put it back down. It did not fit. And he needed to understand why.

What Rawly found was that codependency, as commonly taught, is a behavioral label for something much deeper. It has pathologized one of the most beautiful things about people: the capacity to be gentle and caring. Underneath the behavior there is almost always a more fundamental disruption. Trauma, even the quiet kind, interferes with the development of what he calls a relationship with self. When that gets interrupted, we stop orienting inward and start orienting entirely outward, trying to control what we can see because we cannot access what we feel. He calls it external dependency.

Rawly is a therapist and parent educator who has done this work on himself over decades. He brings research, clinical observation, and a deeply personal story to a question most of us have been handed without enough context: what is driving the behavior, and what does real recovery look like?

If you have ever felt like the codependent label did not quite fit but had no other words for it, Rawly Glass has words for it.

You'll learn:

What Rawly means by external dependency, and why it fits better than codependency
The rotten potato story, and what it revealed about looking for the source
The 15 aspects of a relationship with self, and why most of us are missing some
Why self-care often fails, and what has to come first
What co-regulation actually looks like when your child is escalating

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Rawly Glass website
Rawly Glass on YouTube
Brainstorm - book by Dan Siegel
Broken Toys, Broken Dreams - book by Terry Kellogg

Stuck After Treatment: Real Options Parents Overlook, with Will White

Thu, 30 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Will White has been doing this work since last century, and he means that literally. Licensed since 1989, he has worked in group homes, boarding schools, mental health centers, and in 1996, co-founded Summit Achievement, a wilderness therapy program he ran for nearly 27 years. When he tells you the landscape of behavioral health for young people has shifted more in the last five years than in the previous three decades combined, he knows what he’s talking about.

The externalizers of a generation ago, the kids who broke things, slammed doors, and announced their pain loudly, have largely given way to a different kind of struggling young person. One who is anxious, inward, and frozen. Who won’t leave the room, won’t leave the house, and whose parents keep quietly rearranging life around them in an effort to keep the peace. Will has watched this pattern closely, including at Mountain Valley Treatment Center, where young residents had become so overwhelmed by anxiety that the outside world felt completely out of reach. The treatment models that worked before are not always the ones that work now, and the gap between what young people need and what is actually available to them is widening.

That gap is exactly what Will set out to address when he helped launch The Trade, a new nonprofit program in rural New Hampshire for young adults (all genders) ages 18 to 30. It’s not a therapy program in the traditional sense and if you have a young person stuck in that uncomfortable in-between of not ready for college, not ready for independence, but also not well-served by just being home, it may be exactly what you did not know to look for.

I wanted Will back on the show (he appears way back in episode 14) because his view of the bigger picture is one I trust. In this conversation, we talk about the seismic shifts in behavioral health, what is driving the rise in anxiety, and why less talk and more doing might be what this generation actually needs. If your young person is stuck and none of the usual paths seem to fit, this one is for you.

YOU'LL LEARN:

The shift Will has watched from externalizing kids to anxious, frozen ones, and what he believes is behind it
What The Trade is and who it’s built for
Why apprentices get paid from day one, and what receiving a first paycheck does to a young person
The over-accommodation pattern Will kept seeing in parents, and when caring starts to make things worse
What Will leaves exhausted parents with, from someone who has been doing this work for four decades

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Trade website
Will White on Hopestream episode #14
Trish Ruggles, Therapeutic Consultant at Pathfinder Consulting
Mountain Valley Treatment Center website

Misreading Your Child's Substance Use: What Parents Get Wrong with Brenda Zane

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

I have sat with hundreds of moms who came to me at completely different points in their child's substance use, and the gap between them has always struck me. One mom is barely breathing, convinced the worst is already happening. Another is quietly telling herself it might just be a phase. Neither one is wrong, exactly. What they both share is that they are navigating one of the most consequential situations of their lives without a real map.

That gap, between what parents fear and what is actually happening, is exactly what this episode is about. Medicine has always used staging to give patients and families a language for urgency, for appropriate response, for what comes next. Parents of kids with substance use issues have never been handed anything like that. We are expected to assess, decide, and respond without the framework that clinicians spend years building.

So in this episode, I am borrowing that idea because staging is one of the most useful concepts in medicine. It tells you where you are, how serious things actually are, and what kind of response fits the moment. I walk through four stages of substance use, what you might see on the surface, what is happening underneath, and how your role as a parent shifts at each one.

What I want you to hear in this conversation is that you have more influence than you have probably been told. There is a 94% chance your child does not believe they have a problem yet. That is not a reason to give up. It is actually the case that makes you, the parent, the most important factor in whether they ever get help. This framework is not meant to frighten you into action. It is meant to give you the kind of clear-eyed picture that lets you stop reacting and start responding strategically.

If you have been operating without a map, this one is for you.

YOU'LL LEARN:

The four stages of substance use and what each one actually looks like from the outside
Why a quiet kid at home can be at a higher risk level than you think
How today's substances change the risk math at every stage
What your role as a parent is, and why it matters more than you have probably been told
The shift that moves you from reacting to responding strategically

EPISODE RESOURCES:

4 Things You’re Probably Googling if Your Child Struggles With Substances, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

There is a specific kind of searching that happens at 2am when you are a parent in the thick of it, typing symptoms and half-formed fears into a search bar because you cannot say them out loud to anyone in your life. My cofounder Cathy Cioth knows exactly what that feels like, and in this conversation, we sit down to answer the questions we hear most from parents in our community, including the ones that tend to arrive with a quiet residue of shame just for asking.

We start with one that stops many parents cold: does your child actually have to go to formal treatment to get better? The answer is more nuanced than most of us were told, and the data behind it may genuinely surprise you. From there, we get into PAWS, post-acute withdrawal syndrome, the thing nobody warned you about when your child finally got sober and you expected life to start looking better, and it did not. Cathy and I are nine and ten years out from the hardest seasons of our own journeys, both trained in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), and nothing in this conversation comes from a textbook.

This episode is the conversation you may wish you could have had years ago, before you knew what you did not know yet.

You'll learn:

Why formal treatment is not the only path to recovery, and what the research actually says
What PAWS is, why it blindsides so many families, and how to recognize it in your child
How to reward non-using behavior in a way that feels genuine rather than transactional
Why natural consequences belong to your child, not to you, and what it costs to keep carrying them
When doing nothing is the most potent intervention available to you

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Jo Collete Episode
Recovery Research Institute
Dina Cannizzaro Episodes: 297, 288, 173, 138

Is Your Anxiety Making Your Kid's Addiction Worse?, with Maya Kruger

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Maya Kruger grew up knowing, in a way children simply know things, that mothers die. Her own mother had lost her mother suddenly at 26, and the shadow of that loss shaped everything, including the fierce, almost desperate closeness Maya and her mother shared. She was so convinced that by leaving nothing unsaid, she could somehow protect what they had. Then, the evening after a morning hike together, her mother was killed in a car accident. Maya was 18, not yet fully formed, and suddenly on her own in a way she had spent her whole childhood bracing for and still could not have prepared for.

What followed was not a clean grief. It was the kind that gets woven into everything, into the acting conservatory she attended in Tel Aviv, into the plays she wrote for the national theater, into a one-woman show called Hand Me Downs where she played her grandmother, her mother, and herself all at once. She got into Juilliard and could not go. She got into drama programs in the States and found herself, over and over, cast as other people's mothers, which she describes as both a wound and a doorway. It was not until she was sitting alone for three days on an Outward Bound solo in the Utah desert, nine crackers a day and a whistle around her neck, that something cracked open.

She is now a psychotherapist, trauma specialist, and founder of Overture Therapy in New York, where she works with anxious moms navigating the ways that a child's crisis can bring every old wound roaring back to the surface.

This conversation goes somewhere I was not entirely prepared for. Maya reframes anxiety in a way that stopped me cold, and she has a way of talking about the guilt and shame that lives in a mother's body when her child is struggling that made me feel genuinely seen. She says something about what anxiety is actually asking for that I keep returning to.

If you have ever felt like your child's struggle has cracked open something in you that you did not know was still there, this one is for you.

You'll learn:

Why Maya grew up believing mothers disappear, and what she tried to do about it
What maladaptive behavior actually is, and why context changes everything
The reframe she offers for anxiety that makes it something other than the enemy
What she means by parking next to yourself, and why it is so hard to do
The message an anxious mom is actually passing to her kids, and how to change it

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Free, 15-minute consultation with Overture Therapy
Overture Therapy website
Hear Brenda Zane on Maya’s podcast, “How Did You Get Here?” episode 22

Your Calm Is Your Child's Best Drug, with Hunter Clarke-Fields

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Hunter Clarke-Fields was a painter. She had a graduate degree in art education, a high school teaching job, and what looked from the outside like a creative life. What nobody could see was that she was white-knuckling her way through it, cycling between intense highs and pits of despair she could not explain, having panic attacks in the hallways before she had any tools to handle them. She reached for yoga, then for books on mindfulness, and read about it for years before she finally, at 27, sat down and actually tried.

She set a timer for 10 minutes and sat there thinking the whole time. She was certain she was doing it wrong. But two months in, she looked back and realized she had not fallen into a single pit. Not one. For someone who had been cycling into darkness every couple of weeks for most of her adult life, that was not a small thing. It was everything. And it sent her down a path she never expected, one that eventually turned her into the Mindful Mama Mentor, a podcast host, a mindfulness teacher, and the bestselling author of Raising Good Humans.

Hunter now teaches mindfulness to parents all over the world, with over 20 years of meditation practice behind her and two daughters who, she will freely admit, grew up slightly allergic to the whole thing.

I wanted to have this conversation because I think mindfulness gets written off as vague or soft, and Hunter makes it anything but. She explains what is actually happening in your brain when you blow up at your kid, why longer exhales are not just a cliche, and what she calls the Three R's, a framework so simple you will remember it in the worst moment. She also says something about feelings being like toddlers that I keep coming back to.

If you have ever thought that mindfulness is not for you, or that you are too far gone to start, this one is for you.

You'll learn:

Why Hunter spent two months certain she was meditating wrong.
The part of mindfulness most people skip that changes everything.
Her Three R's for the moments you most want to lose it.
What she says feelings are like, and why it reframes everything.
The one thing she would tell a struggling parent to try today.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hunter Clarke-Fields website
Raising Good Humans Book
Mindful Mama Podcast

Using CRAFT, Getting Results, Still Questioning: Coaching Episode

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Marie's son was diagnosed with ADHD at eight, she did what devoted parents do. She learned everything and got to work. By the time weed entered the picture in his teens, she had already lined up CRAFT counselors, drug and alcohol specialists, an at-risk youth petition, even a street artist mentor. She is a school psychologist. She had the frameworks, the language. None of it stopped what was coming.

What followed were years of watching him cycle through residential treatment, partial hospitalization, therapeutic boarding school, sober living, and inpatient care, all before nineteen. When he came home and relapsed within days, Marie and her husband made the call she'd been bracing for: he couldn't live with them anymore. And something unexpected happened inside her.

Today, her son has a job. He calls. He showed up to his dad's birthday and ate cake with relatives he hadn't seen in years. Marie listens without lecturing. She is only now learning what it means to help herself.

This is one of the most honest accounts I've heard of doing everything right and still feeling unsure.

If you've done everything you can think of and you're still waiting, this one's for you.

You’ll learn:

The moment Marie felt a significant shift inside her after her son relapsed and had to leave home
What “active waiting” looks like in practice, and how that doesn’t mean ‘letting go’
The specific kind of change talk Marie started hearing from her son, and what it signals about where he is in his process
How Marie and her husband are thinking through the next housing crisis before it happens, including a practical tool for staying grounded when everything hits at once
The shift from parenting mode to consulting mode, and what it looks like to give your child a voice in solutions without solving everything for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Clear30 App - helps people take a 30 day break from weed
Jessica Lahey’s “The Gift of Failure”

Why Kids Get Estranged From Loving Families, with Sally Harris

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Sally Harris’s middle daughter started down a dangerous path at 14, she did what most devoted mothers do. She fought hard to fix it. Boarding school. Rehab. Anything and everything she could think of. What she did not expect was that the hardest decade of her life was still ahead, or that the coping mechanism she reached for would quietly become a crisis of its own.

Her daughter’s story wound through some of the darkest places a mother can imagine, and Sally will tell you she did not handle it with grace. She handled it the way most of us do: imperfectly, desperately, and often in ways that made things worse. What turned everything around was not something she did for her daughter. It was something she finally did for herself.

Ten years later, her daughter is back. They speak together publicly. They laugh about things that were anything but funny at the time. Sally now coaches moms who are somewhere in the middle of their own version of this, and she brings the kind of clarity you can only get from having actually lived it.

This conversation goes to places I do not hear enough people talking about honestly: what it does to a mother when her child goes silent, the ways we unknowingly push them further, and what it actually looks like to do the work on yourself while your child is still out there struggling. Sally asks one question of every mom she works with, and I think it will stay with you.

If your child has asked for space, cut contact, or simply drifted somewhere you cannot reach, this one is for you.

You’ll learn:

The coping mechanism Sally reached for and what finally made her put it down for good
Why honoring a requested pause is harder than it sounds, and what happens when we do not
What Sally means by "father wounds" and how often they show up in the families she works with
The one question she asks every mom she coaches, and why the answer changes everything
A practical tool she calls a personal board of directors, and why your friends probably should not be on it.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Sally Harris YouTube Channel
Sally Harris website

What’s Tough Love and Does It Work For Addiction? With Cathy Cioth

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Tough love. Two words that get thrown around constantly in the addiction world, and yet nobody can quite agree on what they mean. Kick them out. Cut them off. Save yourself. That’s the version I heard early on, and I couldn’t do it. Not because I was too soft, but because something about it felt fundamentally wrong - especially with a teenager.

In this episode, Cathy and I get practical on the topic of this illusive thing called “tough love.” We walk through the nine actual actions we took with our own kids, in order, from the very first steps all the way to the hardest ones (ones we call “strong love”) as a way of demonstrating action, not theories. Just two moms who were figuring it out as we went, without the language, community or support we needed at the time.

YOU’LL LEARN:

What Dr. Gabor Maté said about tough love that stopped me cold
Why I stopped using the phrase “tough love” and what I call it instead
Nine “strong love” actions Cathy and I took with our own kids, and what we wish we had done differently
The thing every person in recovery has told me about what finally changed things for them
The two books I recommend to every parent, no matter where you are in this

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Heather Hayes on Hopestream episode 111
Mary Crocker Cook on Hopestream episode 223
Jessica Lahey on Hopestream episode 163
Trish Ruggles on Hopestream episode 313
Safe Enough To Change course in Hopestream Community’s Limited Membership

Addiction Makes Sense to Your Child: Here's Why, with Jeremy French

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When I first heard about a woodworking apprenticeship as an addiction recovery program, I was skeptical. And then I sat down with Jeremy French, founder of Making Whole in Asheville, North Carolina, and everything I thought I knew about what recovery has to look like got turned on its head.

Jeremy got sober at 17 after stolen cars, drug runs to Florida, and a flop house he describes as straight out of a Netflix series. He's been in recovery nearly 30 years, never finished high school, and built one of the most remarkable programs I've come across. A small group of men of all ages build high-end furniture together, share a daily meal, and are never forced to stay.

Of the 55 men who've graduated from Making Whole since 2018, 30 of them will tell you they are exactly where they want to be today. That is not a number you hear in this space. I was so intrigued.

You'll hear about:

Why Jeremy credits drugs with solving nine out of ten problems in his life while he was using, and what that might mean for your child
The two things true in every recovery success story Jeremy has witnessed, without exception
The decision his parents made that changed his life more than anything else
Why stepping back sends a different message than you think
What addiction is actually solving, and why treating it as the problem keeps everyone stuck
What parents who have lost a child would give anything to do, and what that could mean for you right now

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Making Whole website

Ten Reasons You May Not Be Getting Results Using CRAFT, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

This solo episode is my attempt to provide answers to the question of why some families see greater change than others when using the CRAFT approach. Drawing on 6+ years of watching hundreds of parents move through this process, some gaining traction, some spinning their wheels, I’m sharing the 10 most common reasons why parents who are 'doing the work' aren't getting the results they want. It's a no-fluff audit of what might be holding you back, and it comes from my heart because there are no more important results to strive for than a healthy family.

If you've been at this for a while and feel like things aren't moving in the right direction, this one is for you.

You'll hear about:

A foundational piece most parents skip without realizing it
Why doing more often backfires
A timing factor that determines whether any skill works
The fastest path forward when communication has broken down
Why inconsistency isn't a character flaw

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Playlists - Start Here Playlist
Jennifer Ollis Blomqvist on using Motivational Interviewing, Hopestream episode 306
Dr. Emily Kline on using Motivational Interviewing for hard conversations, Hopestream episode 160
Using Motivational Interviewing and CRAFT as a double punch effort to create change in your family, Hopestream episode 256
CRAFT family resources and providers with Helping Families Help
Using CRAFT, MI and Acceptance & Commitment Therapy together to help your child, Hopestream episode 260
Stages of Change workshop
Stages of Change downloadable cheat-sheet here
Hopestream podcast episode 66 on the Stages of Change

Breaking Down Wilderness Therapy Myths and Realities, with Trish Ruggles

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When parents hear "wilderness therapy," their minds often race to worst-case scenarios: punishment, boot camps, kids forced to survive in harsh conditions. But Trish Ruggles, who spent over a decade as a field guide and wilderness therapist before becoming an educational consultant, has a different story to tell. After 21 years in the field and working with countless families through Pathfinder Consulting, Trish knows that wilderness therapy has evolved dramatically from its origins.

What makes wilderness therapy effective isn't the outdoor skills or fresh air - though those certainly help. It's magic lies in the complete removal of 'noise.'

When you take a struggling adolescent out of their always-on life and place them in the wilderness, the volume goes down on everything that keeps them from thriving. No bedroom door to close, no delivery apps to summon food, no distractions to buffer the work of actually facing themselves. And there are immediate, natural consequences their adolescent brain can actually understand.

Trish's approach is refreshingly honest and practical. She'll be the first to tell you wilderness therapy isn't for everyone, but for the kid who's stuck in their room, the one running wild in the streets, or the treatment-experienced individual who knows how to game the residential system, wilderness creates something that can't be replicated indoors: a space where you can't phone it in, where every action impacts your group, and where real-life consequences teach more than any lecture ever could.

You'll learn:

Key myths and facts about today's outdoor behavioral health offerings
The critical, natural consequences that wilderness experiences provide in real-time
How wilderness has evolved from its primitive roots
Why adopted kids and those with attachment challenges often thrive in wilderness despite parents' fears
The truth about getting kids to agree to, and actually go to an outdoor, adventure or wilderness program

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Website Trish Ruggles
Trish on Hopestream episode 202
Will White’s Hopestream podcast episode 14

When to Stop Rescuing Your Child From Addiction, With Campbell Manning

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 07:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Campbell Manning's middle son entered detox the day before Valentine's Day, she genuinely believed he'd be "fixed" and home within a week. What followed instead was a years-long journey through both of her sons' addiction cycles that would ultimately transform her from a completely naive parent into a trained addiction counselor who now helps hundreds of families navigate the same treacherous terrain.

Campbell brings both the raw authenticity of lived experience and the clinical expertise she's gained through extensive education plus real-world training with Amber Hollingsworth (Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel) at Hope For Families Recovery Center.

In this potent conversation, she speaks directly to the particular torture of watching your child actively harm themselves while grappling with decisions that feel impossible, like when her 14-year-old daughter confronted her about how much more "time, emotion, money, and energy" she was going to give to addiction.

What I love is that Campbell's wisdom isn't theoretical; it's forged from setting boundaries that ended up with her sons leave home at 17, refusing to enable behavior that was metastasizing through her entire family system, and learning that "over-loving" your child can actually be the most deleterious choice you make. Her message offers genuine hope grounded in reality: both her sons are in long-term recovery, and she's built a thriving coaching practice helping parents understand that their child's willingness to change often arrives in fleeting moments, which means your preparation and readiness matters profoundly.

You'll learn:

How Campbell navigated the brutal reality of having two sons in active addiction, including the crucial difference between heartbreak (first son) and fury (second son) in her emotional responses
The concept of "tagging it on" and why your child must truly understand there's no one coming to rescue them before lasting change becomes possible
Why disenfranchised grief - the kind that receives no casseroles, no sympathy cards, no community support, coagulates within families dealing with addiction and impacts every member, especially siblings
How Campbell's daughter's confrontation about "how much more are you going to give addiction, Mom?" catalyzed her understanding that setting strong, healthy boundaries isn't abandonment, it's the most loving thing you can do when your child is drowning

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hope For Families Recovery Center website
Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel

Helping Your Young Adult Child Choose Treatment With Less Resistance, with Joanna Lilley

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If you've been waiting for the right moment to bring up the idea of getting your young adult some support, and you're not sure how to do it without blowing up every landmine between you, this episode is for you. Joanna Lilley, therapeutic consultant and host of the podcast Success is Subjective, is back on Hopestream, and she's pulling back the curtain on what it actually looks like to help a young adult move toward help. Joanna works exclusively with the 18 to 29 crowd, and her approach is deceptively simple: meet them where they are, agenda-free, not where your fear wants them to be.

What makes Joanna's process so potent is the way it preserves a young adult's agency at every step. There’s no attempt at maneuvering them into a decision or finding the magic words that finally crack them open. It's about creating the conditions where they feel like the architect of what comes next, and why that buy-in matters more than the program itself. Joanna also gets real about what she's seeing shift in the treatment landscape right now, including why young adults are staying longer in programs, how the complexity of what's showing up has changed dramatically, and what questions parents actually need to be asking before you commit to anything.

When you listen, you'll learn:

Why some young adults may have a deeply distorted picture of what treatment looks like, and how to gently disrupt that narrative without pushing them further away
How Joanna structures her first conversation with a young adult so it feels like a genuine exchange rather than a formal ‘intake’ process
Why giving your young adult the choice of who to work with matters just as much as the choice of where to go
Why it’s wise to start the ‘what might treatment look like’ process before you think you need to and what it might cost you if you wait

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Joanna Lilley (Lilley Consulting) website
Joanna on Hopestream podcast episode #208
Joanna on Hopestream podcast episode #39

How Online Adult Content Impacts Youth, with Duane Osterlind

Thu, 29 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your child's phone becomes their constant companion, you might dismiss it as typical teenage behavior. But Duane Osterlind, LMFT with nearly two decades specializing in sexual addiction, shares an urgent reality: the average first exposure to online adult material is now 10 years old. This conversation illuminates why younger people are seeking help in their early twenties after years of private struggle that began in childhood.

Duane offers perspective on how behavioral addictions reverberate throughout family systems, addressing both youth struggles and partner betrayal. He shares why most relationships impacted by sexual betrayal stay intact when the person causing harm addresses the shame fueling addictive patterns.

You'll learn:

Why Duane has seen dramatic demographic shifts in his practice
How to open conversations with your kids about adult content exposure and impact
What discovery trauma is and why it can trigger PTSD symptoms
The distinction between supporting a partner versus taking responsibility for their healing
How shame operates as both genesis and sustaining force of behavioral addictions

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Addicted Mind Podcast
Shame to Resilience Workshop (for adults)
Brenda as a guest on The Addicted Mind podcast ep. 360

Be Ready When Your Child Is Ready To Accept Help for Addiction, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 22 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

You've been waiting for your child to say they're ready to get help. You've imagined that conversation a thousand times, rehearsed what you'll say, held your breath every time they seem close to opening up. But what happens if that moment arrives and you're under-prepared? What if that precious window closes before you even realize it was open?

In this solo episode, I'm diving into a CRAFT procedure that often gets reduced to logistics when it's actually about something far more potent: the intersection where your child's desperation meets their willingness, and your preparation.

I'm unpacking two elements that I believe parents consistently overlook. The first is understanding that this intersection requires a third component—your readiness. The second challenges who we define as the "identified patient" in this entire scenario, because if your child is the only one getting help while the rest of your family ecosystem stays static, you're essentially working to preserve the exact conditions that contributed to their struggle in the first place.

This isn't easy work, but it's the kind that can reshape not just your relationship with your struggling child, but every relationship in your life. And you don't have to figure it out alone at three in the morning with Google and ChatGPT as your only companion.

You'll learn:

Why the magical intersection of desperation and willingness requires a third element that many parents miss
How to prepare in the background so you're not scrambling when your child finally says they're ready for help
Why your child shouldn't be the only "identified patient" and what your own version of treatment needs to look like
The difference between rescuing your child from discomfort and allowing natural consequences that can actually motivate change
Why obsessing over daily minutiae (dishes, grades, laundry) is often a distraction from the deeper internal work you need to be doing

How To Get Young People Ready for Real-World Sobriety, with Alex Zemeckis and Cannon Kristofferson

Thu, 15 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your child transitions from treatment back into everyday life, the real work begins. Alex Zemeckis and Cannon Kristofferson, co-founders of The Grounds Recovery and Mare's House, know the terrain intimately—not from textbooks or theories, but from walking that precarious path themselves. Now, years into their own recovery journeys, they've built a rock solid sober living ecosystem that helps young adults navigate the delicate nuances of early sobriety while building sustainable, meaningful lives.

In this conversation, Alex and Cannon reveal why employment isn't just helpful but essential for young people in recovery, serving as both anchor and compass in those vulnerable early months. They understand the peculiar challenge of leaving treatment's protective bubble, only to face familiar streets, old phone numbers, and muscle memories that can pull a young person back to past patterns. Their approach? Get young adults integrated into real community fabric immediately—working, contributing, encountering actual triggers while building the mental fortitude to navigate them. No therapeutic bubble, no artificial safety—just supported practice at living.

After years of working with young adults struggling with substances and mental health, they've noticed the themes that persist: the hunger for genuine connection, the need for purpose beyond sobriety itself, and the surprising power of peer mentorship from those who've earned their wisdom through lived experience and formal education. Their perspective offers something rare—credibility born from personal transformation coupled with professional dedication to helping others architect their own recovery.

When you listen, you'll learn:

Why meaningful employment serves as recovery's most underutilized tool and how work provides structure that therapy alone cannot
The specific vulnerabilities young adults face when transitioning from treatment to home environments (and practical strategies for navigating them)
How peer support from those with lived experience creates a different quality of trust and accountability than traditional counseling
The common patterns Alex and Cannon observe across hundreds of young adults—and why these patterns actually offer hope
Their unconventional approach to community integration that prioritizes real-world practice over extended therapeutic cocooning

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Grounds Recovery website
Mare's House website (women's sober living)

Gas Station Garbage, Hidden Substances, and Helping Teens Find Healthy Connection, with Sebastian Martin

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If you’ve ever felt uncertain about what your teen or young adult might be using—and how easily accessible today’s substances have become—this episode is a must-listen. I sat down with Sebastian Martin, Executive Director at New Life House, a long-standing sober living program for young men, to unpack the alarming rise of so-called “gas station garbage”—substances like Kratom, kava, 7-0H, and “Feel Free” tonics that are marketed as harmless but can create dependency and serious mental health fallout.

With his deep professional experience and 15 years in recovery himself, Sebastian offers an inside look at what’s showing up in schools, treatment centers, and homes—and what parents need to know right now.

You’ll hear a candid, compassionate conversation where we explore how experimentation today can escalate much faster than it did even a decade ago, why isolation in a bedroom can be as concerning as chaotic, risky behavior, and how crucial community and connection are in early recovery—for both parents and their kids. We also discuss the life-changing potential of treatments like TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and what true collaboration between mental health and substance use professionals looks like when it’s done right.

What You’ll Learn:

What “gas station garbage” really is and why it’s showing up in homes, schools, and even jails (but not on standard drug screens)
Why today’s cannabis and other “legal” substances are nothing like what you may have experimented with as a teen
How to recognize when isolation can be just as dangerous as acting out
The essential role of healthy community for teens and young adults—and how parents can encourage it
A powerful mindset shift for parents: how to love your child to life, not to death.

This conversation offers clarity and calm in a world of misinformation, helping you understand what’s happening beneath your child’s behavior—and reminding you that not all hope is lost.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

New Life House website
Hopestream podcast episode 241 with Dr. Martha Koo (TMS)
DEA Fact Sheet on Kratom
Information on the “Feel Free” tonic by Eleanor Health

Use Motivational Interviewing To Prevent Parenting Burnout, with Jennifer Ollis Blomqvist

Thu, 01 Jan 2026 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Jennifer Ollis Blomqvist discovered Motivational Interviewing (MI) in a Swedish women's prison 25 years ago, she found more than a therapeutic technique—she discovered the antidote to professional burnout and the foundation for every meaningful conversation in her life.

Now an MI expert and trainer who works with everyone from incarcerated individuals to parents navigating their children's substance use, Jennifer brings a refreshing perspective on how this evidence-based approach transforms not just our difficult conversations, but our entire energetic contract with change itself.

In this conversation, Jennifer and I explore the delicate dance of supporting autonomy while maintaining boundaries, why school refusal might actually be a sophisticated form of communication, and how motivational interviewing becomes the connective tissue between love and limits. Her renowned book, "Lighthouse Conversations: Being a Beacon for Teens," will give you a practical framework for illuminating pathways without forcing direction - a critical distinction when your child's choices feel increasingly difficult to understand.

When you listen, you'll discover:

• Why sharing responsibility for change prevents parental burnout and creates more durable outcomes than attempting to architect your child's recovery alone

• How to navigate the cognitive friction between supporting autonomy and maintaining safety boundaries—including the counterintuitive power of "doing nothing" as an active intervention

• The critical difference between rolling with resistance versus reinforcing it, and why your nervous system's response matters more than your words

• How motivational interviewing grows with you through different life stages—from negotiating with toddlers to supporting aging parents—making it the most versatile tool in your communication repertoire

• Why school refusal might be your child's way of telling you they don't fit the institutional mold, and how MI can help you excavate the real issues beneath the resistance you see at surface level

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Lighthouse Conversations: Being a Beacon for Teens
Jennifer’s website

Email: jennifer@novovia.se
Telephone: +46 736 - 19 54 46

The Hidden Casualties of Family Addiction Battles, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 25 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

"When elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers." This African proverb stopped me mid-scroll during a walk, and I saw my family's addiction story with some pretty painful clarity. While my ex-husband, husband and I stomped around trying to wage war on our son's substance use and high-risk lifestyle, we completely missed who was getting trampled beneath our giant, well-meaning feet.

This week's raw and honest solo episode unpacks the heavyweight champion of family conflicts: parents locked in battle over how to handle their child's substance use. I reflect about missing my younger son Marco's quiet suffering (spoiler: he mastered invisibility to survive our chaos), and you'll hear how our struggling kids internalize parental discord as proof they're destroying the family. You'll hear why treating addiction like toothpaste you can force back in the tube only creates more destruction, and how shifting from head-on combat to clay-shaping might just save your entire family ecosystem. (lots of metaphors in this week's show!)

Fortunately, the Invitation to Change Approach offers a roadmap for stepping more carefully through crisis - because your other children, parents, friends, and even your struggling child deserve better than getting flattened while you fight about tough love versus cushioning falls.

What you'll learn:

Why siblings of struggling kids often perfect the art of being "not as bad" - and the long-term cost of that survival strategy
How late-night battles between parents may send dangerous "I'm the problem" messages to your struggling child
The critical shift from manager to consultant when your child hits adulthood (and why this transition can spark explosive co-parenting conflicts)
Why approaching addiction like malleable clay instead of a winnable war creates healing space for everyone
Specific ways to acknowledge and tend to the "trampled grass" in your family this week

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream podcast episode with Marco Narcsio, (#70)

Recognizing Warrior Moms With Adult Kids In Addiction, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your journey with a child's substance use stretches into its second decade, you enter what we loving call "warrior mom" (or parent) territory – a place where endurance meets wisdom, and self-preservation becomes an art form. Today's conversation with Hopestream co-founder, Cathy, honors these battle-tested parents who've been navigating their adult children's challenges for ten, fifteen, even twenty years or more.

This isn't an advice-filled episode - because more advice isn't what you need. It's a raw, honest dialogue between two mothers who know the unique terrain of loving a child through active use, high-risk lifestyles, homelessness, incarceration, and the revolving door of recovery and relapse.

Cathy shares her own marathon story, including driving hundreds of miles to share picnics with her daughter – a simple act of presence that seemed insignificant (and ineffective) at the time but later proved transformative.

You'll hear:

Why "handing over a shift" to a higher power becomes essential for sustainable parenting through decades of struggle
How warrior parents navigate the delicate dance of support versus enabling when adult children face eviction, homelessness, or legal troubles
The unexpected and seemingly counterintuitive renewal that comes from serving others
Why those seemingly fruitless gestures of connection (like Cathy's picnics) create an energetic contract that transcends the immediate moment
The liberating truth about our children's remarkable resourcefulness when stability disappears and traditional safety nets fail

A New Way To Treat Trauma and Addiction, with Jan Winhall

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Jan Winhall landed her first job running a group for incest survivors in a psychiatric ward, she discovered something revolutionary: the young women's self-harming behaviors weren't signs of pathology – they were brilliant survival strategies orchestrated by dysregulated nervous systems. This revelation launched a 45-year journey that would transform how we understand trauma and addiction.

Today, Jan brings her Felt Sense Polyvagal Model to parents navigating the bewildering landscape of their child's substance use. Her approach flips traditional treatment on its head: rather than analyzing thoughts and willpower, she teaches us to decode the body's wisdom.

Your child's behaviors – the ones that terrify you most – might actually be their nervous system's desperate attempt to regulate between hyper-vigilance and shutdown. Jan's work reveals why true healing happens not through confrontation or consequences, but through co-regulation, physical connection, and understanding the body's protective mechanisms.

You'll learn:

• Why your child's "crazy" behaviors (cutting, bingeing, substance use) are actually sophisticated nervous system regulation strategies that shift them between states of survival

• How to become a co-regulating presence for your dysregulated child through physical touch, synchronized breathing, and embodied connection – even when they're pushing you away

• The critical difference between "bottom-up" body-based healing and traditional "top-down" cognitive approaches – and why talk therapy alone often fails with trauma and addiction

• Simple daily practices (like extending your exhale or humming) that activate your ventral vagus nerve, creating the safety your child's nervous system desperately seeks

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Janwinhall.com - Jan’s website (find a practitioner)
Jan Winhall's YouTube channel
Friendly Circle Berlin
Unplugged Canada
Arial Schwartz - Resilience Informed Therapy

The Telepathy Tapes: Connection Can Defy Logic, But Not Love, with Betsy Hicks-Russ

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your child's struggles shatter every paradigm you've held about communication, consciousness, and connection, where do you turn? Today's guest, Betsy Hicks-Russ, found herself navigating this exact terrain as the mother of Joey, a 32-year-old non-speaking autistic man whose journey would ultimately revolutionize her understanding of human potential. Through her discovery of The Telepathy Tapes—a groundbreaking podcast documenting telepathic abilities in non-speaking individuals—Betsy's world transformed from one of perceived limitations to infinite possibilities.

Now, while you may not think this episode seems relevant to families navigating substance use challenges, the parallels are more profound than you'd imagine. Both journeys involve watching your child exist in what appears to be an unreachable state, questioning expert opinions that don't align with your intuition, and discovering that behaviors we label as "problems" might actually be sophisticated attempts at regulation and connection.

Whether your child is non-speaking or struggling with substances, the path forward often requires releasing control, working on your own healing, and trusting that beneath the visible challenges lies a soul seeking authentic connection—just perhaps through unconventional channels.

In this truly riveting conversation, Betsy shares the profound shift that occurred when she learned her son wasn't trapped in silence but was actually part of what she calls "the telepathic tribe"—individuals who communicate through frequency rather than words. Her evolution from believing experts who said Joey "wasn't there" to recognizing him as a spiritually advanced being holding space for humanity's awakening offers a radical reframe for how we perceive our children's challenges.

This isn't just about autism or telepathy—it's about the courage to question everything you've been told about your child's capabilities and to trust the deeper knowing that whispers beneath conventional wisdom. Get ready to have your mind blown.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Autism Odyssey - Betsy’s nonprofit organization
The Telepathy Tapes podcast
Betsty on: TikTok, Instagram, YouTube

Don’t Get Distracted: Focus on The Right Things When Your Child Is Struggling with Substances, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 27 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

There's a certain shift that occurs when you stop charging at your child's substance use and instead learn to back in quietly, treats in hand, like Rocky Kanaka (Sitting With Dogs) approaching a terrified shelter dog.

In this conversation with Cathy, you'll discover how this counterintuitive approach, born from watching a man give positive affirmations to traumatized pit bulls, might actually hold the key to reconnecting with your own frightened, defensive teenager. (you have to listen now, right?!)

Your child, barricaded behind substance use and sending desperate signals that "all is not okay," shares more with those cornered shelter dogs than you might want to admit. They're both scared, hurting, expecting another confrontation.

Cathy's vulnerable admission—that she never found the words "Wow, I hear you. How can I help you?"—illuminates the cognitive friction so many parents experience when their instinct to fix collides with their child's need to simply be witnessed.

What you’ll learn:

Why hours spent researching treatment centers might be less effective than learning to sit quietly with your child's discomfort
How holding boundaries actually signals to your child that you're willing to fight for them (even when they're furious)
The strategic choreography of "backing in" versus coming at your child head-on with aggression and defensive body language
Why starting with small boundaries—perhaps not even with your substance-using child—builds the mental fortitude for more significant ones
The liberating realization that a pissed-off kid is infinitely preferable to the alternative

Cathy and I map the delicate territory between “jellyfish parenting” and authoritarian rigidity, where boundaries become acts of love and your willingness to endure discomfort becomes its own form of medicine.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode 215: A Powerful Combo of Proven Tools for Families When Your Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol, with Dr. Jennifer Fernandez (why people use a particular substance)
Sitting With Dogs on YouTube

Fostering Independence With Boundaries and Discomfort, with Nicole Runyon, LMSW

Thu, 20 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Author and therapist, Nicole Runyon, LMSW, witnessed something that reshaped her entire career: loving, intact families were producing children with trauma-like symptoms typically identified in severe abuse survivors. As a therapist watching teen after teen struggle with paralyzing anxiety and digital-age depression, she recognized she was working too far downstream. The revelation was both sobering and hopeful—these weren't organic mental health crises, but environmental challenges that parents could actually address.

Her decision to leave a thriving therapy practice (complete with a multi-year waitlist) to educate parents directly speaks to a profound truth: we have far more power than we think, especially when we understand that saying "no" is actually an act of love.

The statistics Nicole shares in this episode might make you squirm with recognition: mothers average just 120 minutes daily with their children while logging 4+ hours of screen time. But here's where her message becomes beautifully uncomfortable - through her own "I fell for it" moment rescuing her daughter from a forgetful incident, Nicole illuminates how our discomfort with our children's discomfort actually impedes their growth.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

Why "no" is the ultimate act of love
How digital rejection can create personality-disorder-like traits in neurotypical teens, especially girls
The optimal three-to-nine year old window for connection (but it's never too late)
“Asked and answered": Your new boundary mantra
How to move from convenience to connection

EPISODE RESOURCES:

“Free To Fly: Fostering Independence In The Next Generation” - Nicole’s book
Parent Coaching with Nicole

Why Can’t I Fix This? Eight Steps to Move From Wishing to Planning When Your Child Struggles with Addiction, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Your 3am Google search spiral feels beyond frustrating when you're usually the one with answers. In this week's solo episode I acknowledge the unique exhaustion of spinning your wheels while your child struggles, and offer a concrete 8-step menu of ways to move from wishing into actionable planning and hope.

If your existing parenting toolkit isn't working to create positive change in your family this episode will offer ways to rethink and recharge. The best news is, when you change yourself, the rest of the family system cannot not change. And that's why we start with you.

What you'll learn:

The distinction between wishing vs. having real hope
Hope Theory: agency + pathways = real hope
Why even highly capable parents get stuck
The paralysis that comes from information overload without implementation
The paradox of excelling everywhere except with being able to help your child
Using research as sophisticated avoidance

EPISODE RESOURCES:

8-Step downloadable template for creating your plan
Helping Families Help - Provider Directory for CRAFT-Trained Coaches and Therapists
Parent Like a Hostage Negotiator Hopestream episode 295
Apply for a scholarship for The Stream Community (for moms and female caregivers)

When Your Child Doesn't Believe They're Ill: Understanding Anosognosia and Mental Illness, with Dr. Xavier Amador

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your child doesn't believe they need help, finding a path forward can feel nearly impossible and is exhausting in every way. Dr. Xavier Amador offers profound hope through his LEAP method—a neuroscience-backed approach born from both his clinical expertise and the raw reality of loving family members with schizophrenia.

Dr. Amador's journey began with seven transformative days at his brother's side, where traditional confrontation failed spectacularly. His brother, brilliant yet trapped by anosognosia (the neurological inability to perceive one's own illness), couldn't recognize what everyone else could see. It wasn’t denial or stubbornness, but definitely looked like it. What Dr. Amador’s brother was suffering from is brain-based, affecting 50% of people with schizophrenia and 40% with bipolar disorder.

The beauty of LEAP (Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner) lies in its counterintuitive wisdom: stop trying to convince someone they're ill. Instead, build a relationship where trust flourishes despite fundamental disagreements about reality. Dr. Amador's approach honors the cognitive friction between what you see and what your child experiences, while creating emotional proximity that transcends the diagnosis.

What you'll discover in this conversation:

Why arguing about symptoms backfires—and the neurological reasons behind anosognosia
How to implement LEAP strategies that preserve relationships when insight seems impossible (you’ll want to copy the actual words Dr. Amador provides!)
Dr. Amador's personal breakthrough with his brother that changed everything
Medications available for psychiatric disorders including injectables and ones suitable for adolescents
Why accepting their reality (without agreeing) opens doors that confrontation slams shut

Even if your loved one never gains recognition of their mental illness, you can still cultivate connection, influence positive choices, and maintain your own emotional equilibrium.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr. Amador’s website
Videos for parents

How to Stop Normalizing Dangerous Behavior When Your Child Struggles With Addiction and Mental Health, with Dina Cannizzaro

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

If you've ever found yourself tiptoeing through your own home, rehearsing conversations to avoid triggering an explosion, or even putting a lock on your bedroom door for protection—you're not alone. Today's conversation with Dina Cannizzaro, Hopestream's Director of Education, confronts the uncomfortable reality so many parents face: how profoundly we normalize dangerous situations when our child struggles with substances.

Dina brings battle-tested wisdom from parenting her son Parker through nine years of IV heroin use (now nine years sober) and coaching hundreds of families through similar chaos. She shares the exact phrases that helped her reclaim emotional safety, the incremental boundary-setting approach that actually works, and why maintaining your sanctuary matters more than keeping an artificial peace.

This episode offers concrete strategies for those moments when you realize you're living in cognitive friction—simultaneously loving someone while feeling unsafe around them. Dina's approach alchemizes tough love into something more nuanced: fierce protection of the relationship itself, not just the person.

You'll learn:

The exact phrase to use when verbal abuse erupts (and why repetition matters)
How to distinguish between privacy and safety when deciding about bedroom locks
Why leaving your home during conflict might signal defeat—and what to do instead
The incremental boundary approach that builds your confidence from dishwasher disputes to dealbreakers
Why confiscating substances from your teen's room isn't overstepping (it's parenting)
The difference between emotional safety and physical safety—and why you deserve both
How to humble yourself without sacrificing dignity after heated exchanges

As always when we get to have Dina on the podcast, it's a note-taking worthy hour you do not want to miss.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 138 with Dina: Creating Conditions For Change
The Chinese Farmer Hopestream episode 173 with Dina Cannizzaro
Partnership to End Addiction - free resources for families

Why Your Struggling Child Pushes You Away: The Attachment Connection, with Todd Sarner

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When a young person you love is struggling with substances or challenging behaviors, the instinct to fix everything can feel overwhelming. In this illuminating conversation, marriage and family therapist Todd Sarner brings decades of attachment science into sharp focus, and offers a roadmap for parents navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence.

Drawing from his training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld and other attachment pioneers, Todd reveals why our kids' most hurtful behaviors often mask their deepest needs for connection. We explore the delicate dance between holding firm boundaries and maintaining compassion – what Todd beautifully describes as being both the "agent of futility" (clear limits) and the "angel of comfort" (empathy). We unpack why teenagers simultaneously push us away while desperately needing our presence, and how parents can invest in their own nervous systems to weather these storms.

Perhaps most powerfully, Todd reminds us that attachment isn't about perfection – research shows secure relationships miss connection bids 50-60% of the time. It's about showing up consistently, even imperfectly, with the understanding that our love remains the most powerful intervention we have.

You'll learn:

Why sensitive kids often present as tough and disconnected – and how "defensive detachment" protects them from the pain of unmet connection needs
The critical difference between punishment and boundaries, and how to communicate limits while preserving relationship
How to navigate the teenage paradox: their biological drive for independence colliding with their continued need for guidance and safety
Practical nervous system regulation techniques (including 4-7-8 breathing) that help parents stay grounded during explosive moments
Why investing in your own self-care isn't selfish – it's essential preparation for holding space during your child's struggles
The power of "bridging" – maintaining connection even through conflict, letting your child know that nothing can change your love for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Transformative Parenting website
Todd’s Instagram

Think Like A Negotiator When Your Child Misuses Substances, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode Cathy and I discuss unique skills from the business world that can be applied to our relationships - especially one with a struggling teen or young adult who is misusing substances and has mental health challenges.

I share a surprising learning I picked up from reading a book about hostage negotiation (you may even be able to relate to that kind of situation) and we dig into why it’s important for parents not to take your child’s actions and behaviors too personally. We tie this all into the CRAFT approach (of course) and I give a first hand account of how skills like SURF communication can be applied with anyone in your world, not just your struggling child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Never Split the Difference - negotiating as if your life depends on it, by Chris Voss

Amber Hollingsworth: Put The Shovel Down When Your Kid Is Misusing Drugs and Alcohol

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If someone in your life has an unhealthy relationship with drugs and/or alcohol, you likely already know my guest for today’s episode - Amber Hollingsworth. Amber hosts the wildly popular YouTube channel, “Put The Shovel Down,” with nearly 1 million subscribers.

Amber and I sat down to talk about her addiction-riddled family of origin, and the best advice she gives family members from her two-plus decades in the field of addiction counseling. We cover what to do if parents aren’t on the same page about their child’s substance use, her thoughts on how to navigate a child and a partner or spouse’s addiction at the same time, whether she believes in “rock bottom,” and so much more.

Amber is a passionate and delightful human who clearly cares about anyone struggling with substances (and their family members) - as evidenced by her 1,000+ free YouTube videos that serve as a lifeline for so many in this difficult position.

You’ll learn:

How Amber got started in the field of addiction counseling with a group of teens and zero experience
Where to start first if your child and spouse are both struggling with substances
Why Amber believes in “moments of clarity” rather than “rock bottom”
The difference between a parent’s punishment and the world’s consequences

EPISODE RESOURCES:

- Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel
- Family Recovery Academy - Amber’s Organization, Hope For Families

What Parents of Struggling Kids Really Need, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your friend or family member has a child struggling with mental health and substance use, it can feel awkward and difficult to know how to help support them. This episode is meant to be a resource for learning ways that you can be helpful, not hurtful, when your friend or family member is experiencing a parenting crisis.

I share some common misperceptions about addiction and substance use, talk about the latest science on motivation and change, and give real examples of what you can do to help. It’s a practical guide to give you ideas and new information about substance use, mental health and navigating the hardest parenting season.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Understanding Youth Substance Use & Addiction: A Primer for Family Members - download here
Dr. Anna Lembke on Hopestream episode 110

How Anxious Attachment Impacts Your Struggling Child, with Trevor Hanson

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Trevor Hanson had accumulated a pretty good life - from living on a beach in Hawaii, to getting a great job at Tesla and engaged to be married. One year later, he was unemployed, his engagement and his jaw were both broken, and he was living alone in the Reno desert.

Trevor suffered depression, nightmares, and suicidal thoughts before deciding to seek therapeutic help. He developed a real appreciation for the process of therapy – but he also had ideas about how it could be better.

Today, Trevor holds a master's degree in marriage and family therapy and has helped thousands of people around the world, specializing in a topic critical for everyone, especially parents, to understand: attachment. Trevor has undergone training from some of the world’s top attachment experts, and today he brings his expertise and unique concepts to the podcast.

When I sat down with Trevor, we discussed the basic types of attachment styles, why our ‘style’ can lead to difficulties in relationships with our kids, and why being part of a supportive community is a vital part of helping us move from anxious or avoidant attachment, to secure.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Secure Self Club

The Best Way To Not Say or Do The Wrong Thing, At The Wrong Time, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

We've all been there. A tense or heated conversation where something flies out of your mouth that you don't really mean, or you inflict your 'help' when it's not wanted or needed. You might, at times, find yourself solving a problem that has nothing to do with you, or you give well-intentioned advice to someone who will never, ever take it.

Enter our favorite Hopestream tool...the Lip Clip. A metaphorical device that prevents you from jumping in when you should really stay back, and gives you a magical opportunity to observe before acting. The problem is, when and how do you use the Lip Clip to its maximum effectiveness?

In this episode, you'll learn what situations the Lip Clip is best suited for, how to apply it so you get the most out of it, and, importantly, when and how not to use it. As always, Cathy and I give personal examples from our lives and you'll walk away with a clear idea of how you can put this powerful little tool to use with a challenging child, or anyone in your life who tends to trigger you to act in ways you'd rather not.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode with Dr. Mark McConville - Getting Unstuck From Failure To Launch Mode (ep. 51)

When Your Child Says, “No Thanks” to The Faith They Were Raised With, with Heather Frazier

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Substance use and recovery can shift every aspect of a young person's life - even the faith that has been deeply ingrained in someone’s upbringing. Parents often have visions and expectations of their child's lives, and for parents of faith, that usually includes a life of shared values and traditions. So what happens when our kids choose differently?

My guest today, Heather Frazier, only developed ideas about this when her own children not-so-politely exited the family's religious practice. Her advice has striking similarities to our advice to parents of kids struggling with substance use: maintaining healthy, open relationships while learning to let go of expectations and abandoning a false sense of control.

In this episode, Heather explains the "dangerous two-part cocktail" of unhealed wounds and ego. We discuss the fullness of God's plan for our family's lives, how looking inward can change our perspective, and how a distorted view of traditional Christianity may contribute to the feelings of being not-enough that often fuel substance misuse.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Heather’s website
Pivot Parenting Podcast

Ed Ternan, Song for Charlie's Founder On His Unrelenting Work to Warn About Fake Pills

Thu, 04 Sep 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Ed and Mary Ternan finally met the police officer who had been on scene at their son's overdose death, he had an off-the-record theory: "This is not official, and you'll have to wait for toxicology to come back, but this is going to be fentanyl," the officer told them.

News about the synthetic opioid is inescapable today, but in 2020, the couple had never heard of it. Charlie was a popular, successful student with no substance use issues. How could this have happened?

As it turned out, Charlie was Santa Clara County's seventh fentanyl death in only 10 days. Suffering occasional pain from back surgery a year earlier, Charlie had taken a single counterfeit pill purchased from a dealer ("plug") on Snapchat.

Incredibly, it took less than two months for Ed and Mary Ternan to found a nonprofit dedicated to awareness and education about the skyrocketing deaths from accidental fentanyl overdose. In this episode, we trace the lessons we can learn from Charlie's story, the storm of circumstances that has placed young people in such danger, and how to reach both kids and parents in specific ways.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Song For Charlie website
Bandcamp page for Song For Charlie (download the song here)

You Can Create Conditions For Change When Your Child Battles Addiction, with Dina Cannizzaro

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It’s hard to come to terms with how little control we have over whether our kids choose recovery or remain in an unhealthy lifestyle. In this episode, you’ll get to hear from Dina Cannizzaro, a mom who has been through hell and back (more than once), but has channeled all that fear and anxiety into taking actionable steps toward relearning how to connect with her son and how to harness the surprising power of self-care.

You’ll hear how far she and her son Parker have come now that he’s in long-term recovery. You’ll also hear how she had to repair relationships she let suffer (including her other children) as she became all-consumed in her fear and efforts to support her son.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why Dina chose to push through her crippling fear of rock climbing
How she invested in the relationship with her son, even when he wasn’t ready to be in contact
What anticipatory grief is and how it showed up in Dina’s life
What helped Dina realize she was just as sick as Parker, but without the influence of substances
Why she won’t stop sharing her story with anyone who will listen

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dina’s website
How to access free Narcan

Sending Your Struggling Kid Off To College?, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It’s the season parents often dream of - their high school senior has successfully walked the stage and they’re now packing the family car to make the ceremonial drive to the four-year university their family goes to. They’ll do Parent Weekend, buy the sweatshirt and bumper sticker and wave their child off until they see them at Thanksgiving.

But it doesn’t go like that for everyone, and it sometimes feels like a facade if your child is on their way to a four-year university when they may be better suited for a community college - or a treatment program.

Cathy and I sat down to talk about this very difficult transition period for parents - discussing various reasons why parents hesitate to change plans last minute when their budding college student shows signs they may be headed in the wrong direction, the pressure parents are under at this time, and of course, our personal experience and insights. We also share what parents can be looking for in the senior year of high school and the summer before beginning college, as well as options there are for kids in this tricky season.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Success is Subjective podcast
Treatment locator - AllKindsOfTherapy.com
Assoc. Of Recovery in Higher Education - Collegiate Recovery Programs

What Your 'Failure to Launch' Teen or Young Adult Kid Really Needs, with Dr. Mark McConville

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this summer 'from the vault' episode I'm resharing an impactful interview with Dr. Mark McConville, a clinical psychologist specializing in adolescents and young adults. We discuss:

Strategies for parents to transition from directive parenting into a consultant role
How to offer wisdom while allowing your child to take the initiative
The difference between enabling and supporting
How pre-competence might look like incompetence and what to do about it
The value of thinking through the worst-case scenario
Practical examples of limits and setting expectations with a not-yet-launched teen or young adult
And the critical importance of maintaining a supportive relationship

We also explore the challenges and anxieties that young adults face, as well as the benefits of non-authoritarian guidance. As always, we share practical tips and personal anecdotes that will give you ideas for strategies to foster independence and resilience in your child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Failure to Launch: Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up...and What to Do About It - buy here
Dr. McConville's website

Six Parenting Tools You Need for Navigating A Child's Substance Issues, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

A fresh new, 'from-the-vault' episode that is as relevant today as it was in 2022!

Navigating life with a young person who’s misusing substances and struggling with mental health can feel like a ride in a very stormy sea. Parents need to be well-equipped for the journey, but often aren’t sure what the mandatory, life-saving provisions are to bring along.

In this episode, Cathy Cioth, Hopestream Community co-founder, joins me to share our top six recommended provisions for parents as you navigate the turbulence that comes with a challenging child. We identify the items we wish we’d had in our lifeboat when we started our expedition, so you can be better prepared.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Our six recommended provisions:

Beyond Addiction Workbook for Friends and Family Members
Invitation to Change Guide
A journal - Cathy’s favorite is Day One
A Bible or other spiritual reference, like Jesus Calling
A token or other physical item that grounds you and brings you peace and calm
A personal trainer and chef like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh

Kids & Addiction: What 99 Parents & Pros Taught Me

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this 'from the vault' episode of Hopestream (originally episode #100), I share my journey since launching the podcast in January 2020 and curated the top 11 learnings and insights I gleaned from my incredible guests. If you want a lot of bang for your buck, this is the episode for you.

I dive deep into topics such as letting go of control, embracing discomfort, practicing radical acceptance, and fostering open communication. I emphasize the profound influence we as parents have on our children and the transformative power of self-care and presence. And good news, this episode also comes with a downloadable PDF summarizing the insights discussed and links to resources - we've done the work for you.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Download the episode PDF with all 11 insights plus links to resources mentioned

Break Through to Your Child Struggling with Drugs & Alcohol

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

Need a way to better navigate even the most challenging conversations?

Over time, I've learned that making a request of someone can go south quickly when you don't know how to set it up properly. In this "from-the-vault" episode from my 2021 archives (perfect for our summer slowdown while I recharge between recording sessions), I share one of my absolute favorite communication frameworks that you can learn in 30 minutes and start using within hours.

The SURF technique—known in traditional CRAFT terminology as "positive communication" provides a practical conversation framework for those moments when you need to make a request of your child, especially during tense or emotionally charged situations. Whether you're asking them to apply for jobs, respect curfew, follow through on treatment commitments, or just empty the dishwasher, this approach helps you move from power struggles to problem-solving...together.

If you're the type of parent who can solve any problem or crisis but feels completely powerless when your child yells back at you or slams the door on you mid-sentence, this episode is for you.

I'll break down each element of the SURF framework with real examples, plus I give you five concrete tips for implementation that acknowledge the messy reality of family life.

Counterintuitive Parenting if Your Child Struggles with Substances & Mental Health

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode from the vault, I draw from my own experiences to share four counterintuitive strategies that can transform relationships and encourage healing when you're parenting a young person struggling with substance use and mental health.

I emphasize the importance of asking questions instead of giving commands, focusing on self-reflection rather than solely on your child, trusting a higher power, and broadening your perspective to see the bigger picture.

I've also included recommendations for books, podcasts, and exercises to support you on this challenging journey, promising hope and community support along the way.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 22 with Krissy Pozatek
Dr. Brad Reedy's podcast, services & books
Beyond Addiction book and workbook
Episode 3 & 136 with Carrie Wilkens Ph.D.

Ten Hard Truths Every Parent Needs if Your Child Misuses Drugs or Alcohol

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

This week I’m bringing back an episode from 2020 that is just as relevant today as it was then. The episode covers ten hard truths parents need to face when you recognize potential substance use, or if you know you’re dealing with an addiction.

It’s a great episode for those who are new to the experience of having your child dabble in or become dependent on substances, and there are also truths that apply to the seasoned parent who’s been at this for a while.

This is a straight-forward, lay-it-all-out-there episode that I hope will bring a sense of urgency if you’ve been floundering with what to do, and encourage you to share it with a friend if someone you know is in the early stages of, “what do I do!?” with their child or children.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Download the show PDF resource doc here

Staying Strong Through Your Kid's Struggles: A Short Story

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

It's summer and we're diving deep into the Hopestream episode vault to bring you some listener faves and a few that just work when you need connection and understanding. Today, you'll hear about The Secret Menu, originally aired in August of 2023 - with the addition of a new story and insights.

Sometimes you can gain a different understanding of things by looking at them through a new lens. This bite-size episode does that for you as the parent of a young person who struggles with substances and mental health - in the form of a short story.

You'll hear about a restaurant owner and her strange, secret menu. And for those who eat from it, it can provide benefits and gifts not available anywhere else.

It's one you may want to single-task for to absorb the full meaning. Created with love and compassion by me, just for you.

Parenting with Confidence And Clarity Through Crisis, with Beth Hillman

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Figuring out your evolving role as a parent during your child’s adolescence is difficult, even if you aren’t dealing with substance misuse. The natural inclination to protect and nurture is already being challenged by your child’s growing sense of autonomy. You’re told to step back, control less, and allow them to make their own mistakes.

So, for parents of kids who are misusing substances and struggling with mental health, this process is especially agonizing. How do you walk the line between healthy support and “enabling?” How do you, as a parent, even understand your own role anymore?

Thankfully, my guest today has lots of answers.

Beth Hillman’s 16-year-old son attended a wilderness treatment program at the age of 16. Immediately afterward, he informed her that he would continue using. Today, Beth is a double-certified life and parent coach who brings her lived experience to other families through a podcast, private and online coaching, and workshops. She has not only lived in the trenches, but has also helped many other families who found themselves navigating a painfully difficult path.

In this episode, we discuss specific, actionable ways to understand what it means to be a parent during this challenging time, ideas for building the scaffolding of both boundaries and safe spaces for our kids, avoiding power struggles with curiosity, and what it actually means to “meet kids where they are.”

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beth Hillman Coaching website
Parenting Post Wilderness podcast

Overcoming Parenting Doubt and Fear: Part Two, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In part two of this two-part episode, Cathy and I dive deep into two more of those sneaky, often invisible struggles that so many of us experience when parenting through substance use and mental health challenges.

PART TWO:

In part two, we marvel at and empathize with you when it comes to the insane learning curve parents face when their child is experimenting with or addicted to substances and facing mental health issues. We faced it ourselves and proudly wear our honorary Real Life Research Ph.D.'s.

We then share the very real feeling of doubt and acknowledge how it can reach far beyond just parenting. This experience can knock you off your feet and make your world feel like a movie set - we get it, and we're here to talk about it.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

All Kinds Of Therapy - treatment and resource locator: www.allkindsoftherapy.com
Dr. Gabor Maté website
Hopestream podcast episode with Dr. Maté (episode 131)

Overcoming Parenting Doubt and Fear: Part One, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

Sometimes, the hardest parts of our journey are the feelings we can't quite put our finger on, when you can tell something feels off but can't really articulate exactly what's wrong. In this two-part episode, Cathy and I dive deep into four of those sneaky, often invisible struggles that so many of us experience when parenting through substance use and mental health challenges.

PART ONE:

In part one, we cover the kind of grief that doesn't get a funeral, the common response of hypervigilance and the exhaustion it creates, we share personal stories about the physical toll this emotional marathon has taken on us, and the importance of giving yourself permission to feel it all.

Key Takeaways:

You're not crazy, wrong, or alone in experiencing these hidden struggles
Grief for dreams and expectations is real grief, even when your child is alive
The difference between helpful vigilance and exhausting hypervigilance
Practical strategies for managing overwhelming emotions without numbing them
Why your nervous system needs intentional care and how to provide it

The Benefits of Acceptance (Not Accepting) When Your Child Struggles with Addiction & Mental Health

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

At times it can be confusing for parents of teens and young adults who are misusing substances to tease apart the concept of acceptance vs. the act of accepting. In this solo episode, I help distinguish the two and give examples of why it’s so important to both accept this part of your life while at the same time keep yourself safe, healthy and sane through being clear on what you will and will not be accepting of.

I dive into the complex paradox of balancing love and acceptance with limits and loving our kids unconditionally while setting necessary boundaries. You’ll hear a Buddhist parable that may help you reframe some of your suffering, and I share a personal story of a time when I finally got the balance right on acceptance vs. accepting.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 138 with Dina Cannizzaro
Tara Brach website
Pungent Boundaries, Nancy Landrum

From Heroin and Felonies at 17 to Guiding Families Through A Child’s Addiction, With Henry Maxwell

Thu, 29 May 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Henry Maxwell began drinking and smoking marijuana at 12 and by 17, was an IV heroin & cocaine user. Not long afterward, his experimentation expanded to nearly every scheduled drug he could find, from Xanax to amphetamines and highly unregulated substances like ‘spice’. His teen years were largely spent among serious drug users twice his age, and involved many of the traumatic experiences common in that high-risk lifestyle.

At the age of 17, Henry was hospitalized for a cocaine overdose that mimicked the symptoms of a heart attack, leaving him afraid for his own life. When an attending nurse asked if he was interested in treatment, he knew he had to say yes, or he wouldn’t make it to see his 21st birthday.

To this day, Henry has only worked in one field: addiction and recovery. He now has a BA in psychology and certifications in mediation, intervention, and addiction. Through Maxwell Recovery Services, he has dedicated his professional life to helping families where a young person is struggling with substance misuse or addiction.

In this episode, we discuss the complexities of topics like intervention and return to use, how parents can craft longer-term strategies that look beyond daily crises, and the importance of support systems for the entire family.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Maxwell Recovery Services website
Man’s Search For Meaning on Amazon

Taming Fear And Preserving Yourself When Your Child Struggles with Drugs and Alcohol

Thu, 22 May 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this episode, I offer what might feel like slightly brutal truths if you're parenting a young person who struggles with substances and mental health challenges. I emphasize the importance of self-preservation for parents, noting that while you cannot force lasting change in your child or children, you can create the best conditions to foster it.

I discuss the "self-preservation continuum" - the balance between being fully (overly) involved in your child's recovery and maintaining personal health and sanity. I also provide practical tools you can focus on when you have no idea what to do, and highlight the destructive impact of fear when it dominates.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode 8: Don’t Let Your Child’s Addiction Kill Your Dreams and Passions

Hopestream episode 58: Four Counterintuitive Things To Do When You’re Overwhelmed By Your Child’s Substance Use or Emotional Challenges

Insight Timer meditation: Your Special Room

Breaking Your Own Perfectionist Patterns While Parenting a Struggling Child, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 15 May 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

We’re back with another episode of the ‘Cathy & Brenda Show’, and this week we tackle a topic we see recurring in our community and the parents we work with…achievement-oriented parenting. As two recovering perfectionists ourselves, Cathy and I both share examples of what it looks like to be achievement-focused when your child (or children) struggle with substances and mental health. We talk about the tendency some of us have to want everything on the outside to look a certain way, even when that’s doing damage to our kids, and how it can feel scary to apply self-compassion in fear of getting ‘weak’ or ‘soft.’

We discuss the internal battles many of us face about wishing our kids would just “get it together” and how the Invitation To Change approach can help us instead look at them with compassionate curiosity to understand their behavior instead of punishing it. We also tap into two of our favorite authors and researchers, Dr. Kristin Neff and Jessica Lahey.

If you identify as a problem solver, list-checker, task doer, results-focused person…this is your episode. We even go on a tangent or two, but promise you’ll be able to relate.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr.Kristin Neff’s website
Jessica Lahey’s website and Hopestream podcast episode #163

Mother's Day Bonus Episode: For The Mom Parenting Your Child Through Addiction and Mental Health Challenges, with Brenda Zane

Sun, 11 May 2025 03:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

It's that day, mama. The one filled with many hopes, expectations and potentially big, deep, sad feelings. Wherever you are today, if you're parenting a young person through substance misuse, addiction, and mental health problems, I see you.

This short episode is my Mother's Day gift to you - to let you know the things you do are seen, the feelings you feel are valid, and you are beautiful and loved.

Enjoy and please be so very good to yourself today, and every day.

Rebuild Family Connection: The 'On the Grid' Approach, with Jen Murphy

Thu, 08 May 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Jen Murphy was working with a group of therapeutic outfitters when she had the idea to offer “on the grid” 4-5 day family intensives. The program was already providing family therapy on 10-day backcountry expeditions - which can be a great option for some. But she noticed a need for families to receive the same intensive therapeutic service in a shorter timeframe, and in a more private and comfortable setting.

As a therapist, this unique model made perfect sense to her and she felt it may lead to more sustainable outcomes. After all, the work of rebuilding trust and repairing family dynamics is often uncomfortable. Why not have a physically comfortable environment to do it in?

In response to the demand, Jen created Altitude Family Coaching where she does individual and family coaching and intensives. While the family is usually based in an AirBnb or vacation home, the days are full of experiences that involve natural beauty and supportive experiential-based activities that create opportunities for healing, understanding, on-the-spot coaching and ultimately, growth.

In this episode, Jen and I discuss how family intensives work, the biggest issues her clients face, the sticky work of rebuilding trust and why “over-functioning” makes for an unhealthy family dynamic.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Jen’s website:
Phone and email: 970-871-1231, jmurphyfamcoach@gmail.com

H.O.M.E. Strategies for Making Home a Success During and After Treatment - buy here

Everything I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Child Was Struggling With Substances

Thu, 01 May 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this intimate episode, I open up about the hard-earned wisdom I've gathered since 2013 when my son's high-risk lifestyle and substance use changed the trajectory of our family forever. I share the words I desperately needed to hear during those nights when I stared at the ceiling, shame keeping me silent and isolation feeling safer than participation. These are the gentle truths that eventually found their way to me through pain, heartbreak, celebrations, and an enormous amount of trial and error.

If you're feeling broken, scared, or wondering if you've somehow failed as a parent, this episode is my heartfelt message to you: You are not alone. From questioning every parenting decision to finding resilience when you feel most broken, I hope these reflections offer you a sense of connection and the reassurance that healing begins when we realize we never had to face this journey alone.

Remember to be gentle with yourself today, strong, SEAL-team parent. You're doing everything you know how, and it's enough.

Ten Years Later: An Unexpected Outcome For Her Child Who Struggled with Addiction: A Family Story

Thu, 24 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The worst day of Barbara’s life came just before spring break of her son’s 4th grade year, which he spent in a psychiatric ward. At age 12, he began using marijuana, and the familiar cycle of problems only continued from there – multiple schools, multiple treatment programs, sleepless nights, and ostracization from many of the parents she thought were friends.

Barbara had zero experience with substance misuse or addiction, and like many parents, she was suddenly thrown into uncharted territory. The friends who stuck with her naturally talked about the positive life paths their kids were taking. Hearing about the colleges they’d been accepted to and the jobs they’d taken was difficult, and her son felt left behind by his peers as well. The constant stress eventually manifested in Barbara’s body as an autoimmune disorder, complicating her life even more.

Eventually, she came across a meditation I had recorded years earlier on Insight Timer, and from there, she discovered The Stream Community. In this family story episode, Barbara explains the power of hearing the stories of other parents going through similar experiences, her most effective mantras, and why both she and her son are now helping other parents believe that there is still hope and a path to recovery.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

InsightTimer meditation - A Gift Of Sleep For Parents Of Addicted Children

The Fentanyl Overdose That Almost Took My Son: A Short Series, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

Eight years ago a miracle happened. Today’s episode is one from the vault - originally published in 2021, which I’m resharing today in honor of my son’s eight year anniversary of starting a new life.

While it’s longer than my usual episodes, this series of story chapters allows you to drop into the ICU with me, among other places, as our family hung onto hope that my son Enzo would not be one of the statistics you read about in the news. You’ll be along for the excruciatingly long ride to the hospital, through hushed conversations with doctors, unexpected laughter with nurses and more as we spent 30+ days in some very dark places.

Lace up for a long walk or listen chapter by chapter during your busy days this week - and remember, if they are alive, there is always, always hope.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Get in touch with Enzo Narciso, mentor with Not Therapy, email: enzo@nottherapycoaching.com
You can read the written version of this story here

Support Without Sacrificing: Parenting Strategies for Navigating Your Child's Addiction Recovery

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0700

In this snack-sized episode, I share three concepts to help parents navigate the stormy waters of having a teen or young adult child who struggles with substance misuse and mental health issues.

I emphasize the importance of self-care and separation from external chaos to maintain emotional stability and effectively support (and not drive crazy) those closest to you.

I share three key points: visualizing personal boundaries to keep chaos out, understanding that every storm will eventually pass, and recognizing the harm caused by neglecting self-care. There's even a little bit of woo-woo included for those willing to experiment.

Some practical tips and a personal story underscore the necessity of prioritizing your well-being for the benefit of your entire family.

00:00 Introduction: Weathering the Storm

00:39 Welcome to Hope Stream

02:14 Taking Care of Yourself

03:07 Maintaining Your Vessel's Integrity

06:38 Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

14:44 The Greatest Harm: Not Taking Care of Yourself

17:52 Conclusion and Resources

Breaking Your Family's Cycle of Addiction and Substance Misuse, A Family Story

Thu, 03 Apr 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

As Patrina's daughter began her college life, their relationship and communication remained strong. They met weekly, usually grabbing a bite to eat or going to a sporting event while talking about life.

Even so, Patrina was starting to notice some things that were a little off: her daughter would map out semester coursework, then end up dropping out. She sent odd texts at night, or called crying. On at least one occasion, her daughter's boyfriend called to tell Patrina that her daughter was out driving drunk after a fight they'd just had.

Having gone to night school while working full time, Patrina wasn't certain if this was “typical” college behavior or how serious her daughter’s drinking was. The message she got was this is what everyone else in college is doing - it’s normal. Sadly, it may not have been much of an exaggeration.

In this family story episode, Patrina takes us through her daughter's alcohol misuse and recovery, a journey that involved nine treatment facilities over the course of several years. We discuss her search for a community of moms who truly understood what she was going through, the mantra and coping mechanisms that kept her grounded, the qualities she sought out in a mentor, and much more.

What Does Support Look Like When Your Child is in Recovery?, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0700

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this deeply personal episode, Cathy and I peel back the layers of what parent support looks like during your child's long-term recovery, sharing some intimate "what if" questions that continue to echo in our minds.

Drawing from our own experiences with three kids in recovery, we explore the nuanced emotional landscape of supporting our kids, and ourselves, through the challenges of substance misuse and mental health issues.

We answer questions like,

"What's my role when when my child is 5+ years into recovery?

"How do you balance vigilance with trust and letting go of control?"

We dive into raw, honest conversations about:

Questioning our past parenting decisions
Understanding unique recovery journeys
Maintaining our own personal recovery practices
Recognizing the unexpected gifts within challenging experiences

You'll even hear a kayaking analogy that might act as a powerful metaphor for your recovery, learn why there's no "normal" path to healing, and discover how parents can find hope and resilience when supporting children through their unhealthy substance use and into sustained recovery.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Chinese Farmer Episode with Dina Cannizzaro (#173)
Episode #251 with Enzo Narciso (Brenda's son)

Learning to Parent Without Controlling Outcomes When Your Child is Struggling with Substances & Mental Health, A Family Story

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

As a two-time NCAA champion, Janice’s son was steeped in macho culture. But over time, the identity he developed there became increasingly at odds with the truth of his privately held, and personally rejected homosexuality. And while Janice, self-admitted “cool mom” was perfectly fine with her son’s sexuality, her casual acceptance overlooked the intense inner struggle he was facing.

When he moved home from college during the pandemic, she noticed that he looked terrible, sometimes slept all day, and never seemed to have any of the money he earned at his job. Eventually, she found a bag of crystal meth in his belongings, and her strengths as a no-nonsense New York executive took over. She would, and could, solve the problem.

In this family story episode, Janice explains why the attitudes that help you succeed in business are the very attitudes you must let go of, how she finally figured out what it means to “do the work”, and why sobriety is not a panacea for the issues that drive young people to using substances in the first place.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Intent Clinical (formerly O’Connor Professional Group - Diana Clark)

A Subtle & Stealth Strategy That Creates Real Change if Your Child is Misusing Drugs & Alcohol

Thu, 13 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE

In this episode, I delve into the concept of allowing natural consequences as a form of 'invisible intervention' in parenting teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health issues. I share real-life examples and experiences on the benefits of stepping back to let reality teach essential lessons, emphasizing the need for patience and rock solid boundaries.

I highlight the challenges parents face in resisting the urge to fix everything and discuss how this approach can profoundly impact a child's journey towards recovery - creating change sooner than later.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream podcast episode 174 with Brenda and Cathy on boundaries
Checklist: Ten Parenting Patterns That May Prolong Your Child's Struggle with Substances, And What To Do Instead

When Your College Kid Self-Medicates Anxiety, A Family Story

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Lynne’s first clue that her son might be using substances was finding a Google search: “marijuana for anxiety.”

Outwardly, there was nothing particularly concerning about his behavior - at first. He had always made good grades, even as an elite athlete headed for college play. But inside, the looming life changes were causing a lot of anxiety. The first time he tried marijuana, he knew it was exactly what he had been looking for and it worked…for a while.

Once he got to college, his use of marijuana was compounded by other substances, his grades plummeted, and Lynne’s family had to make the difficult decision of no longer paying for school. After a psychotic episode and an automobile accident, Lynne’s son was finally able to embrace treatment and sustain recovery.

Meanwhile, Lynne demonstrated the resilience innate to her personality and became certified as a Mayo Clinic Health and Wellness Coach, Invitation to Change parent coach, and meditation instructor. In this family story episode, she shares her process of learning to see the journey without regard for the outcome, the benefits of learning to set boundaries, and reveals the key to her strength that helped her son recover his life.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Stream Community

How to Help Your Kid Take a 30 Day Break From Marijuana, with Fred Muench

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Consider this your wakeup call: In 2023, the number of people using marijuana products daily surpassed those who use alcohol daily - even though three times as many people drink. Young people aged 18-25 make up the largest group of those daily users.

As president of the Partnership to End Addiction for five years, Fred Muench, Ph.D. provided recovery information and resources about all substances, from alcohol to heroin. But when his team looked over their own helpline data, they noticed that calls about marijuana far outpaced every other substance. Most were calls from parents, and they weren't simply discovering that their children had begun using high-potency marijuana. Many were detailing their kids dropping out of school after daily use, or even showing frightening signs of cannabis-induced psychosis.

Today, Fred is the founder and CEO of Clear30, a community-centered support app that invites people to change their relationship to weed. The app isn't just a repository of information, but a personalized, interactive support system for withdrawal and recovery. Clear30 invites daily users to take a 30-day break, examine their own symptoms, and find encouragement from others who are finding that high-potency marijuana isn't all it was promised to be.

In this episode, Fred and I talk about the inception of Clear30, the specific support systems it can provide, the difference between male and female withdrawal symptoms, and the questionable marketing of marijuana products.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Clear 30 website

Three Powerhouse Tools for Positive Change if Your Child Misuses Drugs & Alcohol

Thu, 20 Feb 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode, I explore how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) complements CRAFT and Motivational Interviewing (MI) to form a powerful approach to influencing positive change in struggling teens and young adults. I explain key ACT principles, such as psychological flexibility and mindfulness practices, and offer three practical tools you can experiment with to start paying more attention to your experience during the Roller Coaster Ride. This episode encourages you to transform your own responses to create better conditions for those you care about while also emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and emotional well-being.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

PDF download:
The Stream Community (for moms and female caregivers)
Episode 256: Double Punch: Using CRAFT and MI
Hopestream on YouTube

How Recovery Capital Changes Everything For A Kid Getting Sober, with Stefan Bate

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Stefan Bate began his third stay at an inpatient treatment center, he was told that he was a "treatment-resistant alcoholic" prone to chronic relapse. Stefan felt deep shame at this realization, but as he would later learn, this is not as uncommon as you might think: Research by Dr. John Kelly at Harvard Medical School finds that, on average, it takes eight years and eight treatment episodes for someone to find sustained remission. But why?

Stefan Bate, the Chief Clinical Officer at Jaywalker Lodge, has a few ideas about that. He graduated from Jaywalker’s inpatient program himself in 2007 and saw the incredible difference it made not only to his own life but to the lives of countless other men who had previously been resistant to treatment.

After the financial crisis of 2008 made his banking career less attractive, Stefan went back to graduate school, earning a Master's in Applied Psychology and his license as an addiction counselor, eventually returning to Jaywalker in a leadership role.

In this episode, Stefan and I discuss the concept of "recovery capital," why some individuals do so well in 28-day containment-style treatment but fail in the real world, and how community-based recovery is shifting the landscape of treatment for the better.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream’s Recovery Captial downloadable PDF
Jaywalker Lodge website
Jaywalker Admissions: 1 (866) 445-1269
John F. Kelly, PhD - Harvard

Bringing Your Child Back From Fentanyl Addiction, a Family Story

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Welcome to the first episode of our Hopestream family recovery series! Hearing the trials, failures, and successes of families just like yours will give insight into how other parents are navigating their child's substance misuse, as well as offering you the wisdom they picked up along the way.

This series will highlight the importance of core family issues: parent self-care, boundaries, the need for community, and positive communication skills with kids who are often at their worst.

Sarah's story is an excellent place to start. She's the kind of mom who took the initiative when she learned her daughter wasn't just smoking weed - she was addicted to fentanyl-laced Percocet pills. Sarah immersed herself in research and anything that might help save her daughter's life, including, in 2020, a relatively new podcast, Hopestream. Today, Sarah's family is healthy, her daughter is in recovery, and she continues to be an incredible resource for other parents in The Stream.

In this episode, we discuss the journey of understanding that substance use makes sense, the brutal reality of potentially losing your child, finding windows of opportunity for connection, and much more.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Partnership to End Addiction website
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change book and workbook for families and friends
NET Device information: Isaiah House (provides NET treatment), Hopestream episodes #83, #86, #113, #246
The Final Fix - NET documentary on Amazon Prime

Nutrition's Role in Healing from Addiction & Mental Health Challenges, with Dr. David Wiss

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Dr. David Wiss got out of jail the second time, he was determined to change his life. But he had no fancy treatment program to take him out of his environment, no medication, and very little therapy. Instead, his recovery was realized through a dedication to healthy eating, exercise, and sunlight.

Today, David is the founder of Nutrition in Recovery - a group that specializes in treating eating and substance use disorders - as well as the developer of a specialized nutrition curriculum that has been incorporated at more than 50 treatment centers around the world. His years of study bring together the biological, psychological, and social aspects of nutrition for a truly holistic understanding of its role and importance in recovery and healthy living. David has spent more than 10,000 hours in one-on-one nutrition counseling, and today we all get to benefit from that incredible knowledge.

In this episode, we discuss why healthy, principled eating is so important to the recovery process, how it provides meaning for young people looking to belong, why kids who misuse substances are often drawn to conspiracy theories, and how understanding the actual conspiracies of food and drug corporations can be a step in the right direction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr. David Wiss's website
Alice Baker, MSRD CEDS-C LMHC LPC LD/N website
Alice Baker on Hopestream ep. 221

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

Your Double-Punch Strategy for Creating Change with a Child Struggling with Addiction & Mental Health

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 04:00:00 -0800

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:

In this episode, I explore the integration of Motivational Interviewing (MI) into the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) approach for helping a child (or anyone) struggling with substance misuse. I share personal experiences, explain both methods' foundations and principles, and highlight their synergy in fostering effective communication and supporting positive change.

I also share when MI will be useful for parents and how to use it, underlining the importance of empathy, creating a non-judgmental space, and building confidence in your child's ability to change. There are also tips on how to get to that empathic and compassionate place if you're not there today.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Ep. 160 with Dr. Emily Kline
Dr. Emily Kline's website & book, "The School of Hard Talks"
Motivational Interviewing For Loved Ones free e-course by Dr. Kline
CRAFT efficacy research
MI and CRAFT research
MI Addiction Treatment Outcome Evaluation

Three Things We Want You To Know If Your Child Struggles With Mental Health and Substance Misuse, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Over the five years of doing this podcast and participating in hundreds of calls and groups in The Stream, our online community for moms, Cathy and I have seen patterns emerge and today we’re talking about a few of them. We’re sharing three things we see come up over and over which have a great impact on parents when they have a child or children who struggle with mental health and substance misuse.

The good news is that there are simple (not easy) and practical ways you can modify your behavior and thinking that can radically improve the difficult season of life you’re in. Join us as we share these three important topics that can have a major influence on your family.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 174 on boundaries, with Brenda & Cathay
Nancy Landrum episode on boundaries, #245
Mary Crocker Cook on episode #223
Bill Guy on episode #137

How Substances Hijack Motivation and Meaning in Young Brains, with Dr. Judith Grisel

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

From the age of 12, Dr. Judy Grisel loved every drug she tried immediately. Over the next decade of intensive use, she found herself kicked out of high school and two colleges, homeless, and contracted hepatitis C from a dirty needle. At the age of 22, she was told she would die unless she stopped drugs entirely.

Judy rejected the idea of abstinence, but she developed a plan to stop using just long enough to survive. Against all odds, her experimental period of sobriety led Judy to a career as a renowned neuroscientist studying the role of the brain in addiction. She’s been in recovery for over 38 years.

In today's episode, we discuss a wide range of topics, including the most important things parents should understand about marijuana dependence and withdrawal, the critical role of risky behavior in teens, and why so much substance use centers around our kids’ sense of meaning.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

TED Ed: How does alcohol make you drunk?
TEDx Talk: Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction
Judy’s Journey - Bucknell Univ. Article
Never Enough: The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction (Dr. Grisel’s Book)

The Joy You Make: Uplifting Wisdom for Difficult Parenting Journeys, with Steven Petrow

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Steven Petrow's mother died in 2017, he decided to take up a practice that he'd heard about but never tried: gratitude journaling. As an award-winning journalist for the New York Times and Washington Post and author of several books, he was intimately familiar with writing. But finding joy amidst such an immense sense of loss seemed impossible and a gratitude practice seemed a little woo-woo.

Within a year of beginning, his father also died, his marriage was crumbling, and his sister was diagnosed with cancer.

So when the pandemic hit in 2020, Steven began intense research into the accumulated data and wisdom surrounding joy and happiness. His in-depth work has now culminated in a new book, The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings -- Even on Your Darkest Days.

In this episode, Steven and I discuss how everything he learned helped him through his most challenging season of life, the important difference between happiness and joy, and what happened when he decided to honestly answer a stranger who asked, "How are you?"

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Steven Petrow’s website & books
Steven on Instagram

Golden Nuggets of 2024: Highlights From Some Of The Best Episodes Of The Year

Thu, 26 Dec 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The tradition continues! Each year, I share a “Golden Nuggets” episode with segments from some of the best of the year. This year, you’ll hear from me, along with Kristina Kuzmič, Mary Crocker Cook, Dr. Amy Hoyt, and Jared Murray. Be sure to head to the show notes and download the PDF with links to each of the full episodes.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Download the episode PDF with links to all episodes
ACES - Adverse Childhood Experiences questions
Assoc. Of Recovery High Schools
Afraid To Let Go - Mary Crocker Cook’s book
Kristina Kuzmič - ep. 244
I Can Fix This - Kristina Kuzmić’s book
Brenda Zane on How to Use CRAFT, ep. 239
Dr. Mary Crocker Cook, ep. 223
Brenda Zane - Mother’s Day Tribute, ep. 218
Dr. Amy Hoyt, ep. 236
The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk, Ph.D.
Brenda Zane on the state of the treatment industry, ep. 203
Jared Murray,

ADHD, Addiction, and Accountability: A Candid Conversation, with Enzo Narciso

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 04:00:00 -0800

EPISODE DESCRIPTION:
In this personal episode, I sat down with my son Enzo Narciso to discuss his journey of recovery, personal growth, and transformation. Enzo shares candid insights into managing ADHD, maintaining sobriety, and working with adolescent boys struggling with substance misuse.

Drawing from his own experiences of overcoming a high-risk lifestyle and addiction and having to rebuild his health after a life-threatening overdose, Enzo provides hope and practical strategies for parents navigating their child's recovery journey.

The conversation covers topics including setting boundaries, managing triggers, and the importance of consistency in supporting young people through challenging times. I feel so fortunate to be able to have a conversation like this with my son - I hope it brings you peace and encouragement no matter where you are on your path.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Narciso Life Strategies Mentoring: call, WhatsApp or text: 619.534.8520

Lost in the Haze: A Primer on The Perfect Storm of Teens, ADHD, and Marijuana, with Dr. Mariely Hernandez

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

A significant number of parents in the Hopestream community find themselves facing three major issues with their kids: ‘unfinished’ adolescence brains, heavy use of marijuana, and ADHD. That probably shouldn’t be surprising; kids with ADHD are more likely to use substances earlier and more dangerously than neurotypical kids. Fortunately, though, my guest today has studied the intersection of substance use and ADHD for years.

In addition to her academic knowledge, Dr. Mariely Hernandez brings a lot of personal ADHD experience to the table: her own diagnosis, parenting a son who has been diagnosed, and a business practice that helps adults with ADHD recognize and play to their strengths.

In this episode, Mariely gives a wide-ranging explanation of all these issues, including the symptoms and experience of kids with ADHD who use, the catch-22 that makes it hard for them to get treatment, specific issues faced by girls, structural supports parents can offer, and why messages of delaying substance use can be more powerful than messages of abstinence.

If your child is experimenting with substances and you suspect - or know- they have ADHD, do not miss this enlightening episode!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Twitter & Instagram: @DrMarielyh
Flare Calmer Ear Buds
Dr. Hernandez Researchgate profile
Marijuana & psychosis article - Child Mind Institute

The Family Black Sheep: Understanding The Overlooked Child, A Marijuana Tipping Point & Embracing Self-Discovery, with Matt LeBris

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Matt Lebris spent his early college years on the Dean's honor list, putting on a suit and smoking weed every morning. But after a minor traffic accident, mixing marijuana and muscle relaxers sent him to the hospital in an intense panic attack.

Since then, Matt has embarked on a mission to share not only the joys of sobriety but the incredible benefits of therapeutic self-work that have helped him come to terms with the emotional deficits of his youth. Matt is currently the host of the "Decoding Success Podcast", where he invites leaders in various fields to share their inner journeys -- especially how they've used their challenging life experiences to fuel massive success.

In this episode, Matt and I discuss marijuana use and addiction, what it's like to be "doing the work" on yourself as a male in modern society, and the hidden power of being a black sheep.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Matt’s website
Matt’s podcast, Decoding Success
Matt on Instagram

Embracing the Uncomfortable Space Between Expectation and Reality When Your Child Struggles with Substances and Mental Health, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 28 Nov 2024 04:00:00 -0800

This Thanksgiving, join me for a heartfelt exploration of life's most challenging moments. When our carefully constructed and curated expectations shatter like dishes crashing from a flipped table, how can you find grace, gratitude, and grounding?

In this short solo episode, I draw from a deeply personal reflection sparked by loss and uncertainty. This episode speaks directly to anyone feeling untethered—parents struggling with family challenges, individuals navigating unexpected life transitions, or anyone wrestling with the gap between what is and what we thought life (or Thanksgiving) would be.

Gift yourself 15 minutes and find ways to embrace your current journey compassionately, sit with discomfort, and discover that being "okay" looks different for everyone.

Wandering Spark: From Youth Rebel to Law School and Ultra Athlete, with Kyle Robinson

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Kyle Robinson first represented someone in court at the age of 18 years old. He was representing himself, defending against charges of assault, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace – for a fight that hadn’t even happened. If that’s not foreshadowing I don’t know what is.

Kyle had certainly been in a few fights before this particular arrest. The physical and emotional abuse he’d endured from his stepfather since the age of four had driven him to rebellion, fighting, misusing substances, and a 1.0 high school GPA. But he had checked himself into rehab at the age of 17, and was trying his best to stay out of trouble as a legal adult.

Kyle’s courtroom defense was successful. The acquittal made him feel as though he was putting himself on the right track. But when he was accepted to college against all odds, everything changed again.

In this recovery episode, Kyle shares the journey laid out in his new memoir, “Wandering Spark.” You’ll hear how he went from a jail cell to law school, how writing the book made him come to terms with the reasons he had used substances in the first place and the incredible importance of adults who take the time to encourage young people who are struggling. This episode is another great reminder that there is always hope!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Kyle’s website
Wandering Spark on Amazon
No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz (IFS)
Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, A Cutti

A Groundbreaking, FDA-Cleared Approach to Opioid Use Disorder, with Jeff Lott

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In 2020, a documentary film titled "The Final Fix" introduced the public to a new treatment for opioid use disorder. The claims of the neuroelectric therapy (NET) device are bold: opiate detox in 3-5 days with little or no withdrawal symptoms, discomfort, or cravings. Since the film’s release, I have personally known three people who acquired NET treatment for their kids, including two from the Hopestream community. All have had great experiences.

In 2021, double-blind trials of more than 100 people experiencing opioid use disorder began and the NET Device for OUD treatment was approved by the FDA in May of this year.

In this episode, I spoke with Jeff Lott, director of communications at NET Recovery. We discussed the surprising origins of this medical technology, how NET was accidentally discovered by a Scottish surgeon working in Hong Kong, the fact that its groundbreaking results are not a panacea for recovery, and plans for the future of the NET Device for widespread adoption and use in the treatment industry.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Releasing Resentment and Guilt Through “Pungent Boundaries,” with Nancy Landrum

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Nancy Landrum’s son was hospitalized with congestive heart failure, doctors didn’t expect him to live through the night. His misuse of amphetamines for more than a decade had left his heart double its normal size and generally wreaked total chaos on his life.

Nancy’s parents and other family members told her that her son’s substance use was her fault. And for a while, she believed them. It’s not surprising that she developed her own addictions to food and rescuing her son. But these dysfunctional coping mechanisms bred a resentment that plunged her into near-suicidal depression.

Nancy is now a highly sought-after relationship coach with a master's degree in spiritual psychology and the author of eight books. In this episode, we look back over the 15 years she spent parenting a child misusing substances to share the most important truths she’s taken away from the experience. We discuss the specific ways she learned to set and keep boundaries - without guilt - the relationship between resentment and depression, releasing the guilt parents often have about their child’s behavior and more.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Nancy’s website and books

Your Child's Struggle Isn't Yours to Fix, with Kristina Kuzmič, Author of "I Can Fix This"

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Kristina Kuzmič had harbored some denial about her oldest son's depression, anxiety and substance use. "Lots of kids have problems. Maybe everything will work itself out," she thought. That denial ended abruptly the night she had to call the police.

Neighbors she hadn't even met yet stared from their driveways as her son was pushed into a police car, swearing loudly at her. Her three-word response to the shame and guilt she felt that night may just help change the way you view the world.

Kristina went on to write the book "I Can Fix This: And Other Lies I've Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child". Her son, now in recovery, encouraged her to write every gritty detail of the family's struggles -- and wrote the final chapter himself.

In this interview, Kristina brings the charm and humor that won Oprah's reality TV show to crucial issues facing parents with kids who are struggling. We discuss the power of shared experience in support groups, why she danced the night away as her son was in the psych ward, why the "good kids" in families often suffer in silence, and how parents can connect to them despite their sibling's struggles. And so much more!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Kristina’s YouTube Channel
Kristina’s website
Kristina’s Facebook
Kristina’s Instagram

The Influence Factor: How Parents Can Use Leverage and Raise the Bottom for Treatment-Resistant Kids Struggling with Substance Misuse, with Jared Murray

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The chaos of Jared Murray's substance use got him expelled from the University of Alabama and banned from campus. How then, did he go on to eventually running the university's collegiate recovery program? You’ll have to listen to find out.

Jared now spends every day talking with young adults and their parents about addiction, mental health and sober life at Momentum Recovery in North Carolina. Many of those parents are in a position that you might be familiar with - desperately trying to convince their young adult child to pursue treatment and recovery.

In this episode, Jared brings his personal and professional experiences to bear on considerations around when it’s time to seek help, whether youth have to be open to treatment to realize benefits, whether relapse is inevitable, and why interventions don't have to look like anything you've seen on TV.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Momentum Recovery website

Stepping Into Acceptance When Your Child Misuses Substances and Struggles with Mental Health, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 04:00:00 -0700

In an unplanned and heartfelt episode, I decided to share some thoughts on the importance of acceptance in the face of life's challenges. I discuss how resisting difficult experiences can hinder personal growth and highlight the beauty of transformation that comes with accepting reality.

You'll also hear a story of a life saved recently by one of our members, made possible by the support of Hopestream's scholarship fund. This episode takes place during our Seeds of Hope Giving Campaign for 2024, which you can learn more about at hopestreamcommunity.org/donate. If the Hopestream podcast has been helpful for you and your family, please consider a donation to our 501(c)3 nonprofit organization to keep it on air and, importantly, ad-free.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream’s Seeds of Hope Giving Campaign

How Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Plays A Role in Treating Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and More, with Martha Koo, M.D.

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a highly effective but obscure treatment in psychiatry. It received its first FDA clearance for the treatment of depression in 2008 but has since proven itself to be effective for a host of other issues – depression, OCD, smoking cessation, bipolar, PTSD, cognitive impairment, and even autism. And a huge bonus? Side effects are practically non-existent.

If that doesn’t get your attention, consider this: The FDA recently cleared TMS for depression in adolescents aged 15 and up, with studies currently being conducted on efficacy for substance use disorders.

In this episode, I speak with Dr. Martha Koo, president of the TMS society's board of directors. Martha received her degrees from Princeton and UCLA and is double-board-certified in psychiatry and addiction. She has also participated in the evolution of TMS for decades. She’ll explain who TMS is for, how it works, what it’s capable of, and why there may be an explosion of its use in the coming years.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Neuro Wellness Spa
Your Behavioral Health
Clear Behavioral Health (Mental Health & Addiction Services)
TMS Society (find a provider)

Wellspring of Hope: Whole-Person Recovery for Girls and Their Families, with Dr. Marcy Russo and Sara Osborne

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

As a mom of four boys, I confess to knowing very little about raising girls. But my guests today have an intimate understanding of the specific emotional needs and experiences of adolescent girls, young women, and gender diverse individuals grounded in decades of therapeutic work.

Dr. Marcy Russo and Sara Osborne advocate for a whole-person approach to residential treatment for many of the most common mental and behavioral health issues -- anxiety, depression, trauma, eating disorders -- and the substance use disorders that sometimes result.

In this episode we'll discuss the perfect storm of issues, from Covid to social media, that has left so many young women feeling they cannot navigate social expectations or develop healthy, supportive relationships. We also talk about the use of relational and somatic therapeutic tools to help girls find authenticity and self-understanding for long term wellness and recovery.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Wellspring website
Angelus House website

CRAFT: Help Your Teen or 20-Something Kid Choose Recovery, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 04:00:00 -0700

Community Reinforcement and Family Training (aka CRAFT) is a system for helping friends and family members change the way that they interact with someone they love who has an unhealthy and/or dangerous relationship with substances.

CRAFT teaches family members how to stay connected, increase communication, and effectively encourage their loved one toward treatment, while taking care of themselves in the process.

This episode centers around what parents need to know about CRAFT to have the best possible chance at having their child accept help for their substance misuse. It's one where you may want a notebook to capture the steps and actions involved in this very important process.

Mental Fitness: Athletic Success Beyond Substance Use, with Georgia Tech's Dr. Steedy Kontos

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Even before he became a teenager, it seemed to Dr. Steedy Kontos that he was good at anything he tried to do - especially sports. He shined in football, baseball, basketball, wrestling and track, and recruiters were starting to take notice. It seemed he was well on his way to becoming a professional athlete.

But Steedy had also begun experimenting with marijuana and alcohol at the age of 12. When he was caught skipping class in high school, his coach informed him that he would be required to attend extra summer conditioning on top of the school's disciplinary program. He refused, giving up his promising career, and redirected his energies to drugs, alcohol and partying.

In the years since he began his own recovery, Steedy has obtained a doctorate in clinical psychology, served as a collegiate recovery program coordinator, and a staff therapist at Division 1 school Georgia Tech. For the first time on the Hopestream podcast, Steedy walks us through the specific challenges and needs of student athletes in recovery.

We'll discuss the role that parents sometimes play in the intense and unhealthy pressure on D1 athletes, imposter syndrome at elite schools, and the academic benefits of collegiate recovery programs.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

InTown Psychology, Atlanta, GA
Assoc. Of Recovery In Higher Education (Collegiate Recovery)
Georgia Tech Collegiate Recovery Program

Demystifying AA For Young People: Spirituality, Rock Bottom, Fellowship and Nicotine with Three Young Adults

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Listeners of Hopestream get to hear from lots of amazing doctors, therapists, specialists, and academics. We can't underestimate how valuable their insights are, but we also need to listen to the voices of young people who have misused substances and come out the other side.

That's why our recent guest speakers session for members of Hopestream Community featured an AMA (ask me anything) with three young people who are living healthy lives after facing extreme forms of substance misuse. Each found their path in the 12-step program, which may be the most common treatment program in the country, but can also be totally unfamiliar to parents suddenly thrown into the world of addiction and recovery.

In this conversation, they answer questions posed by the parents of the Hopestream community, including the controversial concept of "rock bottom", the power of peer support and parents' united front, and whether recovery can (or should) include nicotine use.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Find an AA meeting here
Find a recovery high school here
Connect with Young People in Recovery here
Search locally for an "Alternative Peer Group" in your city

Unmasking Trauma's Role in Addiction and Family Healing, with Dr. Amy Hoyt

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

For those who haven't seen their child's life endangered by the misuse of substances, calling the experience "trauma" may sound like an exaggeration. But my guest today says that the effects on the body and mind are almost identical.

Dr. Amy Hoyt has been working in the field of trauma for 10 years, with studies ranging from genocide to addiction. But her understanding isn't just academic. After suffering sexual abuse in her teens, Amy repressed the memories and began drinking before high school classes every morning. With the help of a good friend and parents who were willing to step in, she has been in recovery for many years.

Over the course of her career, Amy has learned that toxic and vicarious stress mimic the effects of trauma in the body and mind. Constant stress changes our gene expression, and can even "turn on" experiences of pain, gut symptoms like IBS, autoimmune disorder, fibromyalgia, and serotonin issues.

In this episode, Amy reviews some of the current research on stress and trauma relevant to kids using substances AND their parents, proven methods to down-regulate an overworked nervous system, and why psychological pain isn't "all in your head."

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Mending Trauma Podcast
Dr. Hoyt’s website
Dr. Hoyt on Instagram
Peace After Trauma Membership

Ten Parenting Patterns That May Prolong Your Child's Struggle with Substances, And What To Do Instead, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 04:00:00 -0700

Parents sometimes fall into patterns that can unintentionally prolong their child's struggle with substance use. In this eye-opening solo episode, Brenda Zane reveals ten common parenting pitfalls that might be keeping your family stuck on the Roller Coaster Ride. I emphasize that recognizing these behaviors doesn't make someone a bad parent but rather, presents opportunities for growth and positive change.

In just 30 minutes, you'll discover practical strategies to shift your approach and create the conditions for positive change – without the guilt or shame. And many of them you can implement today!

Key points covered in the episode:

The importance of self-care and not running on fumes
Why shaming, blaming, or yelling is ineffective
The need for consistent parenting approaches between partners
Understanding addiction as a health issue, not a character flaw
Moving beyond the "rock bottom" myth
Avoiding information overload and lecturing
Not engaging when your child is under the influence (and two other times)
Recognizing when "it's just a phase" thinking is harmful
The dangers of being a "fixer" and preventing natural consequences
The benefits of seeking support and community instead of isolating

Join me for practical tips, resource recommendations, and encouragement. And don't miss the helpful PDF download in the show notes where you can dive deeper into each of the ten pitfalls and find links to resources.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Click here to download this episode's free resource guide

There Are No Bad Parts Of Us: Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS) for Addiction, with Cece Sykes

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Everyone knows the experience of internal dialogue and conflict about who we are and how we will respond to the world around us. It can feel as if there are parts of us at war with each other. For kids using substances, these parts can become extremely polarized – for instance, part of them wants nothing more than to use, and another genuinely desires self-control.

My guest today says that while their inner parts are engaged in this debate about use, it's hard for them to see the underlying cause of the substance use or addictive behavior, whether that be loneliness, anxiety, or shame.

Cece Sykes saw her first client almost 45 years ago, and since then has been doing incredible work with young people suffering from addiction and trauma. Cece is one of the first practitioners of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a framework for understanding the roles each of these parts are playing, discovering what role they play in our coping, and gaining a deeper understanding of our kids' needs and motivations.

Interestingly, understanding IFS can change our relationship with ourselves as well. We all have these parts, and the self-examination that this framework provides can help us move beyond the unhealthy dynamics that often develop between parents and kids using substances. In this episode, Cece explains how that works, and how we can help our kids recoginze all the parts of them, without shame, and with more self-compassion.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Cece Skyes, LCSW website
IFS Therapy for Addictions
“We All Have Parts,” by Colleen West
“No Bad Parts,” by Dr. Richard Schwartz

Keep Coming Back: A Hollywood Director Finds Art, And Healing Through His Daughter’s Recovery, with Mark Rosman

Thu, 15 Aug 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

After years of producing feature films and TV shows about family life like Cinderella Story, Perfect Man, Lizzy McGuire, and many others, Mark Rosman was forced to face the reality of problems in his own family.

Mark and his wife spent some time in denial about their daughter's substance use. Even after two trips to the emergency room, they decided against professional advice to get her into treatment immediately. They chalked everything up to ordinary teen rebellion and experimentation, sending her to a traditional boarding school instead. Less than one month later, she was in the emergency room again after downing a bottle of Listerine. Thus began the roller coaster we're all familiar with: periods of hope and sobriety, followed by lapses into chaos and returns to use.

Like many parents, Mark instinctively rejected the notion of "self care", or any form of detachment from his daughter's behavior and state of mind at any given time. Finally, in what seemed like his 100th parent group meeting, he admitted to himself (and everyone else there) the utter hopelessness he was feeling. This was the beginning of the entire family's recovery.

In this episode, Mark talks about how this realization helped him to learn to set boundaries and how – now five years into his daughter's recovery – he’s making his own story into a feature film which, for the first time, focuses on the experiences of parents.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Keep Coming Back Film
Keep Coming Back Instagram account

The Anxiety Factor: Untangling the Adolescent Anxiety And Substance Use Knot, with Jarell Myers. Ph.D.

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Dr. Jarrell Myers took his first job out of grad school, he loved working with children suffering from anxiety disorders, as well as their families. It was a calling he’d already been pursuing for years. But there was a big problem: many kids who needed needed help for their anxiety couldn’t become patients in his program because they were using substances.

While this made some clinical sense (for reasons Jarell will explain), it also failed to acknowledge that substance use was woven into their anxiety, often as a coping mechanism. This is what finally led him to the Center for Motivational Change (CMC).

CMC publishes the book I recommend more than any other to parents of kids struggling with substances – Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. Today I finally have a chance to speak with Dr. Myers about some of the core principles it contains.

In this episode, we discuss the nature of anxiety, why it makes sense that anxious kids to turn to substances, how parenting those kids may trigger our own fear and anxiety responses, and how to give our families the best fighting chance in the face of these realities.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Navigating Trauma and Healing When Parenting a Child Who Misuses Drugs or Alcohol, with Christopher O'Reilly

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Christopher O’Reilly says it’s a mistake to think that we can just understand our way out of trauma. But he claims that healing—once we understand how to receive it—can bring intimacy and connection with other human beings in a way we might never know without those challenges.

After surviving his own struggles with substance use, Christopher should know. When he discovered the power of mindfulness meditation to examine his own choices and motivations, Christopher chose the path of change. He has spent the past 20 years helping others do the same.

After earning his master's degree, Christopher pursued certification in multiple forms of trauma and addiction counseling. He teaches mindfulness-based stress reduction classes at Brown University, but the center of his professional life is serving as Vice President of Clinical Services at Onsite’s residential trauma treatment program, Milestones.

In this episode, Christopher and I discuss the anxiety and trauma of parents who have kids misusing substances, why our children can be reluctant to talk about their own anxiety and trauma, and why substance use is sometimes their best option – for a while.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Six Ideas When You're Looking For The Escape Hatch While Parenting A Child Struggling With Drugs and Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Upon returning from vacation, I started to notice a theme in our community and my friend groups - there are a lot of exhausted, brain-fried parents who are looking for an escape from the day-to-day strain of having a child who misuses or is addicted to substances. From spouse and partner relationships to our kids themselves, we sometimes need time to tap out and escape.

This episode will give you six simple (not necessarily easy) things you can do when you’re looking for an escape hatch to help navigate through difficulties. You’ll also hear about our upcoming Signature Fall Retreat: Restoration Mom and an invitation to dads who may want an escape of their own.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 174 on boundaries with Cathy Cioth
Onsite retreats and intensives
Evoke Intensives
Restoration Mom retreat, Oct. 1-4, 2024

Coaching Episode: A Season of Grief and Loss Reveals the Seeds of Hope, with Leah

Thu, 18 Jul 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

We all have more going on in our lives than just kids who are misusing substances. But Leah is currently facing an overload of grief and loss including caring for her father-in-law through in-home hospice, the loss of her first grandchild as a newborn, and now caring in-home for her mother and sister-in-law, both of whom are suffering from alzheimers and dementia. Her oldest son, who’s been struggling with substance misuse for eight years, has recently been expressing suicidal ideation. All of this while Leah is working and raising her youngest, a 14 year old son.

It’s hard to overstate the stress and trauma this Hopestream mom has dealt with over the past year. Despite all of this, Leah moves forward with positivity and hope. Some days though, the anxiety pushes her to work herself to exhaustion to gain some control - any control - over a world that seems increasingly unpredictable and scary.

In this episode, Leah and I discuss the best perspective she can take on this season of her life, the good it will bring about, how she wants to look back on it in the future, and why the loss of her newborn grandchild may have been a turning point for her oldest son.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Community

Filling the Accountability Gap: Taking Parents Out Of Being The “Sobriety Police,” with AJ Diaz

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When AJ Diaz left his sober living home after a year-long stay, he got the same thing everyone else did - a sheet of paper that essentially said, "Here is your relapse prevention plan.We wish you the best." AJ felt in his gut this was insufficient to support people in early recovery, and after years of working in the field, he now knows he was right.

AJ says staying sober within the four walls of treatment isn’t all that hard. Individuals receive hot meals, supportive staff, structure and routine, and socialization with others facing the same challenges. It's when people - especially young people - leave treatment that the world hits them like a ton of bricks. They come face to face with relationships and complications that can disregulate everything they've been practicing, and without the buffer of substances to help them cope.

Seeing a desperate need for continuing outpatient care, AJ and his business partner created a supportive early-recovery program called Accountable. In this episode, AJ and I discuss the most common issues families face with a young person in early recovery (many will sound very familiar), why Accountable removes the responsibility of drug testing from parents and spouses, and why fathers often find it difficult to participate in approaches like CRAFT.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Accountable website and phone: 646-450-7641
Read: Dear Opiates: A True Story Of How A “Harmless” Addiction Took Over My Life

Letters To My Son In Prison: A Father’s Spiritual Path Through Unthinkable Tragedy, with Ken Guidroz

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Ken Guidroz's son hit a Los Angeles bicyclist while high on heroin, killing the man before his body hit the ground. Ken's son fled the scene but turned himself in less than 24 hours later.

What followed this tragic accident was a long period of pain and loss not only for the widow of the deceased but for Ken's entire family, as his son was sentenced to years in prison. Ken had given much of his life to God, making sacrifices to serve nearly a decade as leader of congregations and raise his three sons in the best way he knew how. With an innocent man dead, one son in prison, and the other two making bad decisions, where was God now?

In this episode, Ken and I discuss how a long period of brokenness and loss began to transform into forgiveness and healing, culminating in his memoir, Letters to My Son in Prison: How a father and son found forgiveness for an unforgivable crime. In this conversation, we discuss the art of blending quiet intuition with the voice of God, how Ken pulled through a crisis of both faith and confidence and a "near-hallucinogenic" experience of catharsis in his darkest hour.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Ken’s website
Letters to My Son In Prison - Ken’s Book
Subscribe to Ken’s Substack

Gone in a Snap: Inside Snapchat’s Teen Opioid Crisis, with Paul Solotaroff

Tue, 02 Jul 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Over 35 years of reporting on the terrible consequences of both drugs and the war on drugs, Pulitzer Prize finalist Paul Solotaroff developed deep contacts with DEA, Homeland Security, and other branches of law enforcement across the country. Paul had already seen the deadly wave of fentanyl-spiked heroin in 2013-2014, so when a top official at the DOJ called him last year sounding more desperate than ever before, he knew there was a serious crisis.

Paul was informed that 5-10 children were dying every day from a new scourge: fake pharmaceuticals like Adderall and Oxycontin made from fentanyl. Even more disturbing, he discovered that kids no longer even have to know a dealer to obtain the pills. In his lengthy new article in Rolling Stone, Paul details how Snapchat - a platform designed for its content to disappear - has been helping dealers find kids who might otherwise have never bought illegal drugs.

In this episode, he shares the terrifying truth about the latest fentanyl crisis, how social media companies have facilitated underage drug use, and the upcoming legal battles to hold them accountable.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Of Course Your Kid Doesn’t Want To Go To Treatment; Meeting Treatment-Resistant Youth With The CRAFT Approach, with Lara Okoloko

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Lara Okoloko wants parents to understand something important:

The majority of treatment options were designed for older adults with severe substance use disorders. She says we shouldn’t be surprised that young people with mild to moderate disorders are not interested in identifying with a permanent label of “addict” or “alcoholic” and swearing lifelong abstinence.

The standardization of treatment for older adults has also led parents to believe that anyone with a substance use disorder is destined for jail, institutions and death unless they find sobriety. Lara says this just isn’t true for kids and young adults.

As a 15-year practitioner and teacher of the CRAFT approach, Lara should know. She has served as a licensed clinical social worker for kids who are at-risk, in foster care, and drug-dependent, and now works with parents and families as well.

In this episode, we discuss in more detail why teens can be resistant to treatment, how the TV show “Intervention” changed our entire concept of treatment, the enduring myth that most kids are using substances, and why, despite its proven track record, CRAFT still isn’t the standard approach recommended and used for helping a loved one.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Lara’s website
List of CRAFT-trained therapists in WA State
WA State healthy use survey

Find a CRAFT-trained provider or organization at the Helping Families Help website

Do I Really Need A Community? Who is Hopestream for? All The Answers You Need, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If you’re a loyal podcast listener, or just new to our space, you might be curious about what the Hopestream Community membership is all about, and if it would be helpful for you.

Because we get questions about this all the time, Hopestream co-founder, Cathy Cioth and I decided to dedicate an episode to answering them. We cover questions like, is my kid bad enough (or too bad) for this community? What if my kid is already in treatment and I have great support there? What if I’m a mental health professional or a prominent member of my community and I don’t want people to know I’m there for help? Tune in to find out answers to these questions and more.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Community membership info
Johnny’s Ambassadors
Laura Stack on Hopestream
Krissy Pozatek website
The Parallel Process book
The Stream’s Restoration Mom Retreat Webpage

Afraid to Let Go: Overcoming Codependent Patterns to Support Your Child's Recovery, with Dr. Mary Crocker Cook

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

"Codependent" is one of the many words that has moved from the mental health field into casual, daily conversation. Unfortunately, its broad use has left most of us without a grounded understanding of what codependency really is, how it can affect our lives, and what to do about it.

Mary is the Faculty and Program Coordinator at San Jose City College Alcohol & Drug Studies Program, the Co-Founder and Clinical Director of Recovery Connections Treatment Services, and far too many other programs to list here. Her expertise on attachment and codependency led her to a simple principle: people develop a secure attachment to substances to self-soothe when key adults can’t see them or respond to their needs appropriately.

After decades of clinical work and academic instruction, Dr. Cook is uniquely qualified to explain the connection between codependency and substance misuse. In this episode, we'll cover the three components of codependency - development, behaviors, and physiological consequences - how they’re connected to substance use and our ability (or inability) to set appropriate boundaries, and the crucial concept of "lifting the bottom up" for people struggling with substance use disorders.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Coaching Episode: A Quick Pivot; Navigating an Early Return Home From Residential Treatment

Thu, 06 Jun 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Heather discovered that some significant changes were happening in her daughter's residential program, she began to worry the family was not receiving what they were promised. After an unproductive discussion with the program director, Heather made the difficult choice of bringing her daughter home early. Now what?

When we spoke for this coaching episode, Heather's daughter had been home for just one week after spending seven months in residential treatment. There are new boundaries to determine - from big issues like driving and employment to simple matters like cleaning up messes in the house.

In this session, Heather and I discuss how to assist her daughter in avoiding a return to THC use, while also preventing her own relapse into old, unhealthy patterns of communication.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Partnership to End Addiction

The Complex Relationship Between Substance Use and Eating Disorders, with Alice Baker

Thu, 30 May 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this episode, we delve into the complex relationship between eating disorders and substance use and how the principles of CRAFT and The Invitation to Change can apply to both. Alice Baker, a Stream community parent who is also a licensed professional counselor, dietician and certified eating disorder specialist, guides us through these three issues. In her high school days, Alice Baker was drawn to the world of competitive dance. The importance of body image in the sport sparked an eating disorder that would linger until she began learning about nutrition in her freshman year of college. Her new understanding of our body’s relationship to food would set her on a lifelong study of dietetics, eating disorders, and their effects on the lives of young people.

Alice joined our Hopestream Community in 2022 when her son developed a substance use disorder, compulsively using marijuana and struggled in school. It was here that she began to realize how the principles of The Invitation to Change approach could also be employed in her field.

In this episode, we discuss the connections between substance use and eating habits, the serious dangers of “drunkorexia” and other combinations of the two, how parents can identify warning signs, and what we can change within ourselves to help our kids in their eating disorder recovery.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

When Your Teen Has An Eating Disorder (Mulheim)
How to Nourish Your Child Through an Eating Disorder: A Simple, Plate-by-Plate Approach® to Rebuilding a Healthy Relationship with Food

Turning Obstacles and Suffering into Successful Recovery, with Patrick Babcock

Thu, 23 May 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
After 14 treatment centers, 10 jails in six different states, and solitary confinement at Rikers Island prison, Patrick Babcock is lucky to be alive.

His parents were barely adults themselves when he was born, dealing with their own alcoholism, physical abuse, and abandonment issues. Patrick’s own substance use began early, sneaking his father's Heinekens at age 7 and smoking marijuana with his friend's parents at age 10. He went from an Ivy League kindergarten to running "feral" in the streets of New York, attending the debaucherous Studio 54 at only 14 years old. Though he managed to get a degree in finance, his life was soon further destroyed by heroin.

Patrick's sobriety required a "spiritual awakening" that finally came while sitting alone in a car after escaping the police, drinking the dregs of a wine bottle he'd found in the street. He never returned to substance use after that night. But when the horror of 9/11 changed his life forever in a very personal way, he started down a path to help young people who had suffered in the same way he had.

In this episode, you'll hear why the program Patrick founded and runs, Foundation House, believes in failure, the unexpected power of the "inmates running the asylum," and how parents' own "dark inner rascals" may set their kids up to fail.

RESOURCES:

Foundation House website

Chinese Farmer Hopestream podcast episode with Dina Cannizzaro

Raising the Bottom: The Unlikely Story of a Grade-School Alcoholic Turned Recovery Crusader, with Roy Duprez

Thu, 16 May 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Roy Duprez began drinking whatever alcohol he could get his hands on at the incredibly young age of 7. He managed to stay sober for two of his high school years, but then returned to using alcohol and drugs for 12 years more years.

Roy sees lots of young men with trauma-related substance misuse come through his outdoor adventure recovery program, but for him, drinking was part of an imagined lifestyle of success. He didn't drink to escape, he drank to have *even more* fun. He fully embraced the identity of "alcoholic" without ever connecting his use to the chaos that his life had become.

Roy has now been sober and in a healthy life of recovery for nearly two decades. In that time, he’s obtained a Masters of Eeducation, worked with countless community organizations and at-risk youth, and founded his own adventure recovery program, Back2Basics, in picturesque Flagstaff, Arizona.

In this conversation, we discuss:

what it's like to run into his mom at their local AA meeting
the limitations substance misuse puts on life, and the power of inviting young people into a new world of possibilities
why Roy still believes we should "trust the process"

RESOURCES:

Back2Basics - Roy Duprez’s adventure recovery program in Flagstaff, AZ

I See You; Honoring Moms of Kids Misusing Drugs and Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 09 May 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It's Mother's Day week, 2024. I'm personally counting my blessings because my kids are all healthy and our family is in a positive and safe place. It wasn't always this way. There were Mother's Days when I wanted to crawl even deeper under the covers and not show my face. There were Mother's Days when I didn't know where my oldest son was.

Today, I want to honor those who may not be looking forward to Sunday, the ones who are feeling the weight of having a child who struggles with substance misuse and mental health challenges. I see you. I was you. I understand.

And for the single dads out there - this is for you, too. You hold both ends of the rope and I recognize how challenging and complex life is for you today as well. Sending much love, peace and comfort to you all this week.

Coaching Episode: Drawing the Line with Grace - Confident Boundaries and Open Communication, with Jane

Thu, 02 May 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Jane isn't exactly sure at what age her older son began using substances regularly, but the degree of misuse seemed to come in waves. He stayed in therapy until he left for college - which is just when her younger son began having the same issues. He cycled through four high schools, attended a wilderness program, and eventually enrolled in the therapeutic boarding school where he is today.

Jane's family's relationship is pretty good, thanks to the many tools she's been learning and practicing in The Stream. Her sons are honest with her, they respect each other, and Jane's husband actively participates in their recovery process. But after both sons were home for a holiday visit, Jane realized she needed to address a boundary violation that occurred during their stay. We spoke for this episode the day her son was coming home, and the conversation could potentially happen - but should it?

Jane needed to talk through how she might approach this difficult conversation and wanted to consider whether acknowledging the boundary violation would throw her family’s relative calm into chaos. We also discuss strategies she can use to step outside the anxiety of imagining worst-case scenarios and getting sucked into future trips. In this coaching episode, Jane and I talk through three specific tools to address issues that so many parents find themselves confronting with a child who struggles with substance misuse.

Demystifying Men's Apprehension Towards CRAFT and Therapeutic Support, with Steve Andrews

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It probably doesn’t surprise you that the majority of Hopestream Community members are moms. About 70% of therapists are women, as well, and women are significantly more likely than men to seek out their services.

Last year, we launched The Woods, our private community for dads, stepdads, and male co-parents. And as much as we would love to help more dads who have kids struggling with substances, they don’t come flocking to our services.

I wanted to dive into this imbalance and asked Steve Andrews to join me for a conversation. As host of The Woods, Steve brings a lot of harrowing personal experience to the table. When his son first began misusing DXM, Kratom, alcohol, and marijuana in middle school, he had no idea how bad things would get. (To hear his whole story, check out his first appearance on the show at the link below.)

Now, with his son in full recovery, Steve is a practicing therapist. He’s seen this gender dynamic play out within himself, in The Woods, and the world of therapeutic practice. Today, he gives us his best take on why men seem to have a natural aversion to approaches like The Invitation to Change and CRAFT and how we can reframe those ideas in a more accessible way.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Steve’s Story, Hopestream Episode 183
Never Split The Difference, book by Chris Voss
Steve's website

A Powerful Combo of Proven Tools for Families When Your Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol, with Dr. Jennifer Fernandez

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

The behavioral symptoms of young people caught up in substance misuse can be disheartening: open hostility, lying, cheating, stealing from family, and others. These symptoms can be hard to view as a result of the substances, and parents may instead blame their child for being “bad.”

My guest today, Dr. Jennifer Fernandez, is a proponent of a compassionate model that sounds more complex than it is - the "biopsychosocial model." This model aims to contextualize all factors contributing to someone’s reliance on substances - not just genetics. She says this type of analysis can help those who love someone struggling with substances understand behavior that would otherwise seem irrational. And when we know more, it leaves room for the empathy we need to parent young people who can appear out of control.

Dr. Fernandez is a doctor of clinical psychology and the founder and Clinical Director of the California Center for Change. She’s an expert in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), motivational Interviewing, and harm reduction, a concept many parents struggle with. She oversees psychotherapy and support groups founded on nonjudgmental principles.

In today's wide-ranging episode, Jennifer and I discuss whether harm reduction is really just enabling, the power of motivational interviewing, what we can learn from a person’s “drug of choice”, and the importance of parents presenting a unified front.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

California Center for Change website

Parenting Through a Child's Substance Use With Clarity, Compassion And Your Own Therapist, with Patrick Balsley

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Patrick Balsley's substance use began with alcohol in middle school and ended 11 years later with heroin- and cocaine-induced psychosis. But instead of talking to Patrick about who he used to be, today I'm talking to him about the incredible things he's been doing with his life since then and what he's learned while helping so many other families in their pursuit of recovery.

Patrick founded Sana Counseling and Sana House, a recovery residence for men. He sits on the board of recovery high school Emerald School of Excellence, which began with two students and has grown to about 35 kids, most graduating and moving on to college or work programs. He also serves on the board of the PIVOTPoint WNC therapeutic adventure program and the advisory board at the Atrium Health Foundation. As you can tell, his incredible range of experience - both personal and professional - makes him an incredible source for parents.

In this episode, Patrick and I discuss why many parents have the "it's just a phase" mindset during their child's experimentation, the compounding dangers of parents self-medicating to deal with their family dynamics, and the importance of early intervention for kids - and therapy for everyone.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Sana Counseling
Sana Recovery - young men’s sober living in Charlotte, NC
About Patrick Balsley
Emerald School of Excellence - Charlotte, NC recovery high school
Archway Academy, Houston, TX recovery high school
Association of Recovery Schools
Generation Found documentary
CRAFT-Certified Therapist List (from Dr. Bob Meyers)
Find CRAFT-practitioners at Helping Families Help

The Difficult Realities of Using The Invitation To Change With A Child Struggling With Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Because I sit at a vantage point of seeing many parents working to understand and implement the Invitation To Change Approach (ITC) with their child who struggles with substance misuse, I see things others don't. I hear the frustrations and the celebrations, and I know that while an approach like the ITC is very powerful and effective, it isn't a magic wand.

Sometimes, the more difficult aspects of using a compassion and empathetic-centric approach to a very scary and challenging problem don't get talked about. In today's short, solo episode I wanted to highlight and pick apart some of the more difficult and less-discussed challenges you may be facing. There's also a short but important pep talk just in case you're feeling a bit deflated at the moment.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beyond Addiction; How Science and Kindness Help People Change - buy it here
Learn more about The Invitation To Change approach here

Un-Addiction: A Mind-Changing Conversation on How We Think About Addiction and Risk, with Nzinga Harrison, M.D.

Thu, 28 Mar 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Dr. Nzinga Harrison was recently approached by her son, a high school senior, about going to his first party, she consented. He was unsurprised by her followup question: “Do you think there will be drugs there?” As an addiction psychiatrist and M.D. specializing in addiction medicine, Dr. Harrison had been talking with him about substances since he was very young, so the question wasn’t awkward. “Yeah, probably,” he replied. As her stomach twisted, she realized that the years of preparation for this stage of his life were about to be tested – if not at the party, then sometime soon afterward.

In the two years since our favorite doctor was last on the show, Dr. Harrison has organized much of her extensive knowledge about the roots of substance use disorders into a new book: Un-addiction: 6 Mind-Changing Conversations That Could Save a Life. The framework is comprehensive and data-driven, but also plainly written and easy to understand. I tried using sticky notes to mark the best parts, but gave up when I realized I was marking almost every page.

In this conversation, Dr. Harrison lays out these six conversations, sharing with us how the conversation with her son progressed, and covering a range of other topics, including:

Conversational scripts for talking to kids about substances
The importance of asking, “What do you know?” without judgment
The nascent idea of “pre-addiction” and how understanding it can change the trajectory for someone struggling
How your ZNA (zip code at birth) predicts health outcomes better than your current zip code
How cultural traditions and rituals can create risk factors

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Un-Addiction book
Eleanor Health
Dr. Nzinga Harrison’s website

There Is No Such Thing As Drug and Alcohol Treatment For Adolescents, with Robert Schwebel and Lynn Smith

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Dr. Robert Schwebel was approached by a local treatment agency about developing a drug program for adolescents, he was not interested. He decided to meet with the agency about the proposal, but also to share hard truths that he thought would encourage them to find someone else: Don't promise drug free kids overnight. Help them learn to make good decisions rather than telling them what to do. Incorporate life counseling. Rather than rejecting him, the program agreed to Robert’s suggestions and hired him.

Robert hoped to find and tweak an existing treatment program that incorporated these principles, but couldn't find one. In the 1990s, residential treatment centers were cash cows, with professionals often advising parents to place their kids in inpatient treatment at the first sign of experimentation. He describes most of those programs as "watered down 12-Step programs," demanding instant and complete abstinence - which he believed was unrealistic for most adolescents. So he started from scratch. The result was the widely adopted Seven Challenges Program.

One of the many programs that have adopted this adolescent-specific model is Elements Wilderness, and Lynn Smith, co-founder, and primary therapist there joins me and Robert to share the provider experience with the Seven Challenges model. We cover:

How The Seven Challenges builds a climate of mutual respect and honest discussion
Why practitioners don't insist on drug abstinence when adolescents are engaged in the challenges
The power of asking kids what they like about drugs
Why "come back when you hit rock bottom" is the wrong approach

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Seven Challenges website
Elements Wilderness website

Debunking Myths and Connecting Dots Between Mental Health, Substance Use, and Gender Identity, with Jordan Held

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Years before his gender transition, Jordan Held still remembers the day he asked his employer if he could wear the same clothing as the male faculty. The reply: "We're not ready for that yet." Whether or not your young person is questioning their sexual identity, gender, pronouns or any other aspect of themselves, you’ll get so much from this important conversation.

As a teenager, he had been a good student and athlete who just wanted to be the popular girl at school. He wore clothes that weren't comfortable, drank, smoked weed, hooked up with people he had no real interest in, and generally tried to fit in. But after college, Jordan met a trans man for the first time and many of the puzzle pieces from his early life began to fall into place.

While the administration of the school where he worked felt "not ready" for Jordan to dress as male faculty, he knew he couldn’t live his life as a lie forever. The administration’s denial was a catalyst for redirecting his life course.

Jordan Held now has a Masters degree in both Social Welfare and Sports Leadership, and a bachelor's degree in Kinesiology. He’s worked in residential mental health treatment, as well as the world's largest gender clinic, giving him a great deal of experience with the most pressing issues affecting teens and young adults - especially those who are exploring their sexual identity.

As a private practice therapist, Jordan has deep expertise in gender and sexual minority youth with complex histories of PTSD and trauma. Many have been in substance use treatment programs as well. In this episode, we discuss why some young people are going "stealth", the post-pandemic spread of school avoidance, why kids don't even consider marijuana a drug any more, and how parenting without shame creates bonds of trust that leave families stronger in difficult times.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Why Your Attachment Style Matters When Parenting a Child Who Misuses Drugs or Alcohol, with Jack Hinman, Psy.D.

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you could stand outside your own life, watching your family relationships play out like a movie, what patterns of behavior might you notice about yourself? If you could see those patterns now, wouldn’t it be much easier to improve them each day? In this episode, we try to understand ourselves and our family dynamics more deeply through the lens of attachment theory.

If you’re like me, you’d never heard attachment theory mentioned in recovery spaces or literature. But my guest today believes it has an important role to play in the families of children using substances.

Jack Hinman has provided therapeutic support for young adults for two decades across a wide variety of settings – hospitals, wilderness therapy, residential centers, and community mental health settings. Serving these different roles has provided him a holistic overview of the therapeutic experience, and has only solidified his belief that attachment theory can be a key component to improving stressful family dynamics.

Today we discuss the four attachment styles, their superpowers, how they affect our relationships with our kids and partners, and how we can change them for the better.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. - Aristotle

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Engage Life Transitions website
The Attachment Project (online attachment style quiz)

Revealing What Exactly Educational and Therapeutic Consultants Do (and don’t do), with Joanna Lilley

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When my son began using drugs and alcohol, I did what a lot of parents do: I dove headfirst into a world I didn't know existed, trying to evaluate all the possible programs and places he might go to get help. But there's so much to learn about the treatment world, and the knowledge is extremely specialized, making it almost impossible to sift through it effectively without a guide. On today's show, I spoke with someone who is that guide for families.

Joanna Lilley has been an educational consultant (though she prefers "therapeutic consultant") for a decade, and has worked in all sorts of settings, from wilderness therapy programs to academic institutions. She has connected hundreds of families to treatment programs, therapists, and other resources, and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who has a more holistic and honest view of the industry.

Joanna is notorious for her blunt transparency, and she has a lot of knowledge to share. In this episode, we discuss:

The importance of finding an independent educational consultant
The ethical standards a consultant should be held to
The role and value consultants bring to the table in a time of crisis
Information consultants have that parents will never get from their own research
The most important questions parents should always ask before engaging a consultant
Why Joanna says not every family needs a consultant

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Joanna’s website: (https://lilleyconsulting.com)
Therapeutic Consulting Assoc.: (https://www.therapeuticconsulting.org)

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Coaching Episode: Dealing With Anger and Disappointment When You Learn Your Child Is Misusing Drugs and Alcohol, with Rose

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Rose has three children, so she's not new to being a mom. But when her son spent six months trying every drug he could find, she stepped into a foreign world of substance misuse and increasing risk. She dealt with the utter shock and disbelief her child had been using substances at all, let alone to the degree she came to realize.

Rose’s son was on week six of outpatient rehab when he combined most of those drugs together into a single, dangerous dose, and when we spoke for this coaching session he was, thankfully, in residential treatment.

Rose is sure that her son is not ready to come home, but unsure of the right next step. She knows that if she can find an appropriate follow-on program, she'll finally have a moment to breathe, rest, and regroup. It doesn't help that her own chronic health condition is being made worse by the stress she’s enduring with her son. She's proud of the progress she's made in the past few months, but is finding it hard to hold onto hope.

In this coaching episode, Rose and I discuss why accepting reality and letting go of controlling tendencies are the foundation of change. We also dive into the ways her self-care is a service to her entire family, and necessary to develop the stamina she needs for this marathon.

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Navigating Your Child's Substance Misuse: Six Crucial Mindset Shifts for Intentional Parenting, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Hopestream co-founder, Cathy Cioth, is back for another episode to discuss six critical mindset shifts we both believe parents need to consider when they have a child struggling with substance misuse. We share how these important pivots in our thinking impacted our families and why, even though both of us have kids in recovery, we still vigilantly adhere to them.

And, as usual, we go on a tangent or two, so grab your dog, bike, walking shoes, or whatever you do when listening to podcasts and let’s jump in.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Menopause episode: Surviving The Perfect Storm Of Challenging Kids, Aging And Menopause; This One's For The Mommas, with Dr. Robin Sinclair, ND (www.brendazane.com/hopestream/108)
Female Health Masterclass | Menopause, Hormone Replacement Therapy & How To Workout In Your 50’S,60’S - The Proof with Simon Hill (https://theproof.com/female-health-masterclass/)
The Partnership to End Addiction - free resources for parents including a Helpline, online support calls, coaching and trusted content (www.drugfree.org)
Sky’s The Limit Fund - nonprofit that provides scholarships for Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare for adolescents and young adults (www.skysthelimitfund.org)
Trish Ruggles episode - Decoding Today’s Adolescent Substance Use Treatment Landscape (www.brendazane.com/hopestream/202)

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Trading Control & Punishment for Respect & Emotional Intelligence, with Ann Coleman

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
After watching her brother's life cut short by substance use, Ann Coleman was intimately familiar with its dangers. So when her son - who already suffered from anxiety and depression - started using marijuana, hallucinogens and opiates, her trauma and instincts of fear and control kicked in hard. Looking back, Ann recognizes that at the time she believed her son was solely to blame for the unraveling of the relationship. Now, she knows better.

"There were things I screwed up," Ann shares, "but it was mainly in the way that I reacted to and thought about the things he was doing."

As her son began his healing process, Ann herself undertook a two year, self-directed study of every parenting-related topic she could get her hands on: from neurobiology to therapeutic mindfulness. In this episode, she explains how her life as a lawyer was gradually upended by the realization of just how many parents are going into this difficult chapter of life blind and without much guidance at all.

Over the course of the conversation we discuss the control-rebellion cycle (undoubtedly familiar to you), the extra complications of ADHD and anxiety, why the only thing that matters to adolescents is peer acceptance, and so much more. This episode is your opportunity to learn from Ann's mistakes -- and her knowledge -- in everyday language, with practical instruction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

No Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
Speaking of Teens website & podcast (https://speakingofteens.com/)

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Pivot Points - Recovery Is For Those Who Do It, with Matt Nannis

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When young people in recovery return to use, we often hear phrases like “failure to launch,” “regression,” or the suggestion that “recovery is only for those who want it.” Today’s guest, Matt Nannis, says it’s time to abandon these concepts altogether.

Matt’s journey from his own addiction to being the founder of the PIVOTPoint Program looked a little different than a typical recovery story. He didn’t “do the work” in treatment to stop using substances, find a more fulfilling life, or heal relationships with his friends and family – he just wanted better snacks and more privileges.

Matt’s experience isn’t all that different from others who eventually pursue treatment, which tells us maybe we should rethink some of the things we’re told about what’s necessary for change.

Matt says the problem with concepts like “failure to launch” is they imply some fixed destination along a set path. And while he found great value in the rubric of AA, he now believes the all-or-nothing mindset implied by “regression” just isn't anchored in reality. In this discussion, we cover:

Matt’s nontraditional path through treatment and what it reveals about recovery
Why substance use often feels like it generates a safe, manageable, and consistent life
The importance of reframing “failure to launch” as “failure to fail”
Why substance use can maintain an illusion of freedom that prevents change
The importance of helping young people in recovery identify their own beacons and core values

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The PIVOTPoint Program (https://pivotpointwnc.org/)

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Insights From Honest Conversations With Treatment Programs, Consultants, and Real World Parents, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I recently sat down with over 20 treatment program owners, directors, therapists, educational consultants, and 20+ parents who are or have been on the journey with their kids, and I'm sharing the insights I gleaned in today's episode.

From insurance nightmares to difficult transitions and THC-induced psychosis, I cover a lot of territory, bringing you a boots-on-the-ground view into what's really going on today in treatment and the struggles parents are facing when they have a child who misuses substances.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Community (hopestreamcommunity.org)
Solutions Parenting Support (https://solutionsparentingsupport.com)
Wonder (https://www.teamwonder.org/)
Fentanyl & Teens Free Webinar with Brenda Zane and Vicenzo Narciso (hopestreamcommunity.org/fentanyl)
CRAFT Provider Directory (https://helpingfamilieshelp.com/hfh-directory)
Association of Recovery Schools (https://recoveryschools.org/)
Information on high potency THC products and impact on youth - Johnny’s Ambassadors
Delta-8 Information
Hopestream podcast episode 55 with Dr. Nicole Kosanke and Krissy Pozatek
Hopestream podcast episode 70 with Marco Narciso (Brenda Zane’s son)
The Woods Community
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, Foote & Wilkens
Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family & Friends, Jeffrey Foote, Kenneth Carpenter, Carrie Wilkens
H.O.M.E.: Strategies for making home a SUCCESS during and after treatment, by Hilary Moses, Jen Murphy

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Decoding Today’s Adolescent Substance Use Treatment Landscape, with Trish Ruggles

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
At some point along your child's road to recovery, you will almost certainly need to make some difficult decisions about treatment. If they’re an adolescent, this becomes an even more complicated decision. And while I do have some personal experience with treatment, it's been 9 years since my son went to a wilderness program and residential treatment, and a lot has changed since then.

My guest on today's episode is Trish Ruggles, a licensed clinical professional counselor and therapeutic educational consultant with 15 years of experience. She has intimate, on-the-ground knowledge of the wide spectrum of mental health and substance use treatment and works with families to match the right treatment setting with a young person’s therapeutic and academic needs.

If you're a parent of an adolescent who is looking into treatment options (or you know someone who is), or just want to learn what the options are for future reference, this information will be absolute gold. By the time you're done listening, you will have a broad overview of nearly every option there is, the strengths and weaknesses of each, and professional advice about which might be right for your adolescent child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

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Coaching Episode: Using Self-Care and Motivation as Tools in Teen Harm Reduction

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Kelly’s son began smoking marijuana all day, every day after a serious trauma two years ago. Therapy and harm reduction strategies have led them to an arrangement where he is allowed to smoke occasionally, but only in the garage. Her son is smoking much less now, and in combination with therapy, reports he’s stopped using substances as a primary coping mechanism.

Things have mostly settled down, but Kelly is still experiencing the constant mental and emotional stress of worry about his safety, and a desire to see him continue moving forward toward sobriety. After two years of being on high alert at all times, and with the potential of paying for college looming on the horizon, Kelly is reaching the end of her rope, finding it difficult to get enough sleep. Her interactions with her son have become more judgmental than compassionate, and Kelly worries about driving him away.

In this coaching episode, Kelly and I discuss:

The importance of positive reinforcement as a driver of motivation and change
Why it’s important to acknowledging the progress both Kelly and her son have made in the past few years
How to co-create new boundaries that move her son’s current harm reduction strategies toward safer behavior
How “crowding out” substance use with desired activity works better than restriction and punishment – and how the process could simultaneously improve their relationship
The “brain dump” method that might help Kelly get better sleep - something she desperately needs

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Coming to Harm Reduction Kicking and Screaming, Dee Dee Stout

Filling the void: Six Emotional Nutrients Your Child (and you) Need, with Noel Koons

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In the words of today's guest, Noel Koons, "We all dent our children." Though it may seem like so many other families have everything perfectly together, Noel assures us that isn't true – and with more than 13 years of clinical mental health experience counseling families and individuals, he should know.

In today's episode, Noel explains why these dents are inevitable: It's literally impossible for parents to meet all of their child's emotional needs, many of which rely on social relationships outside the immediate family. And the dents left by our own parents can often frame the way we understand and react to our children.

During this conversation, Noel gives us a crash course in the six universal emotional needs, why "family of origin" work is so important for us to pay attention to, why parents must present a united front to kids using substances, and why some kids feel like they're just "too much" to expect the fulfillment they need.

Make sure to check out the show notes for links to a more thorough discussion of the six emotional needs, along with to-do items that can help us fulfill them for ourselves and our families.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Evoke Therapy Intensives
Psychology Today
Volition Counseling (Noel’s private practice)
Blog articles by Noel

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Hopestream Golden Nuggets of 2023

Thu, 28 Dec 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I release about 50 episodes of Hopestream every year, and every year there are a few conversations that just stick. Months later I’ll find myself reflecting on how a specific story or perspective has the potential to change the way we think and act as parents of kids working toward recovery. I think of these important moments as this year's “golden nuggets.”

So at the end of every year, I share these nuggets in an episode packed with some of my favorite bits of wisdom, and we’ve got great ones this year!

Wes Robins explains why traditional recovery techniques didn’t resonate with him, and how he helps families with his own “radical” youth work
My own son, Enzo, finally appears on the show to talk about his early substance use, overdoses, and the importance of maintaining family relationships through addiction and recovery
Dave and Eleanor discuss the Netflix-worthy story of their daughter’s descent from upper-middle-class college freshman to homeless fentanyl dependence
Dr. Emily Kline explains some of the best techniques for beginning a conversation about substances with your kid (that don’t immediately get shut down)
Dr. Libby Stuyt lays out the magnitude of the marijuana problem in the nation’s earliest test case of recreational availability: Colorado
Our own Steve Andrews, host of the Woods Community for men, tells the frightening story of one hellish night with his son, as well as the most important lessons he’s learned since then

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr. Wes Robins on episode 161
Enzo Narciso on episode 185
Eleanor and Dave on episode 180
Dr. Emily Kline on episode 160
Dr. Libby Stuyt on episode 162
Brenda Zane on episode 176
Steve Andrews on episode 183

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Navigating Addiction With Your Child: You Are Going To Be OK, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Friend, we made it to the end of 2023. This is my final solo episode of the year and after much thought and debate, I decided to share a gift I'd like to give you, some words of hope and strength for wherever you are in The Journey.

This short episode is one you can save and play when things get tough, and I encourage you to share it with someone you know who's also going through difficulties - not just parenting challenges.

Looking forward to another year of connection, hope, and healing in 2024.
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Exposing the Hard Truths: Insurance Claims Denials for Substance Use Treatment, with Mark DeBofsky

Thu, 14 Dec 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents trying to navigate treatment with their kids are already pushed to their mental and emotional limits. When you're in it, you're so overwhelmed that it's hard to think about something as frustrating and time-consuming as insurance. But my guest today reminds us the earlier you get started and the more thorough your documentation, the more likely you are to receive coverage for the resources and services your child needs.

I contacted Mark DeBofsky before I even finished reading the first article I saw about his work. Finally, here was someone who could not only explain how insurance companies work in the context of mental health and substance use treatment, but also how you can increase the odds of receiving fair coverage.

Mark is the namesake and President of DeBofsky Law, which specializes in litigating denial of claims by large insurance companies and corporations. Over the course of this conversation, we cover a lot of ground related to the infuriating process of receiving coverage for treatment services. Among other things, we discuss:

The confusing array of coverage guidelines used by companies and the courts
The industry of physicians contracted by insurance companies to back up their denials
What parts of treatment you should expect to get covered by insurance
How A.I. is being used to both support and deny claims
Why fewer than 2% of claim denials are appealed
What steps you can take to set your family up for the best possible level of coverage

EPISODE RESOURCES:

https://www.debofsky.com/
NPR Medical Bill of the Month
ProPublica article - Uncovered: How the Insurance Industry Denies Coverage to Patients
Kennedy Forum for Mental Health Parity
Wilderness Therapy Ruling May Deter Broad Policy Exclusions

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Recovery Reframes Parenting: Second Chances for a Father and Son Navigating Early Recovery

Thu, 07 Dec 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
On today's coaching episode, we welcome our first dad from our community for dads, The Woods.

As a father, Brad has some great things going for him. He still has a meaningful connection of supportive parenting with his ex-wife, who first introduced him to the podcast, and he’s a member of The Woods, our community for dads, which means he’s not doing this alone. His 18-year-old son is in a good place as well, currently residing in a sober living community after attending wilderness therapy and a residential program.

Still, Brad is facing a lot of unknowns. Naturally, he wants his son to have every opportunity for success, but what does helpful parenting look like with a child in early recovery? How does a dad know when to step in and when to hold back and let his son just figure things out on his own? To add to the complexities, Brad’s son is potentially coming home to visit soon, which is exciting and also nerve wracking.

In this coaching episode, Brad and I talk about learning to trust through fear, and becoming a source of accountability without driving his son away or infringing on his decision-making. It's a very positive episode that should give parents a glimpse of life down the road with a child successfully navigating early recovery.
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Real Talk: Transparency and Accountability in Teen Conversations, with Dr. Janet Edgette

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
So many kids who turn to substances are brilliant. Often that brilliance gets wielded in a variety of unhealthy ways and can wreck the power balance of an entire household. Perhaps you've felt telltale signs like being held hostage with gaslighting and emotional blackmail. Perhaps you woke up one day to realize you've been walking on eggshells, allowing your child to control the interactions in your own house for months.

My guest today says that there are ways to right the ship, stop negotiating when appropriate, and still communicate effectively with our kids. Dr. Janet Sasson-Edgette is not only a mother of three, but also a child and adolescent psychologist who has written half a dozen books in the field. Today we discuss:

- The surprisingly simple and genuine conversational techniques that sets Dr. Edgette apart from many other therapists

- Why it's important for your child to know you as a person (not just as a parent)

- Why kids are actually craving realism and accountability in their therapeutic relationships

- Some strategies from her book, Stop Negotiating With Your Teen: Strategies for parenting your angry, manipulative, moody or depressed adolescent
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Coaching A Mom Pushed To Her Limits, with Olivia

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Long before Olivia became a single parent, she was forced to face her own trauma. The heartbreaking challenges she's faced since then have piled an incredible amount of stress onto an already complex life.

The difficult journey for Olivia's son began with his father's brain injury and substance misuse, leading to a messy divorce that would have been difficult for any child. Working full-time as a single parent, Olivia has faced her son's depression, took the blame for the divorce, and dealt with her son’s refusal to attend therapy. Without family support, Olivia has done her best to navigate the situation independently and has bolstered her team with a coach to help her navigate the storm.

Olivia’s son began experimenting with marijuana at the age of 13 and soon moved on to high-potency THC concentrates. He became more aggressive, his anger more volatile, and by the age of 15 was experiencing THC-induced psychotic breaks. He’s since been diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, ODD, marijuana use disorder, anxiety, and depression.

Between the COVID school closures and his mental health issues, Olivia’s son hasn't been in a structured learning environment for years but says he wants to go back to school. Olivia isn't sure this is a good idea for her and her son. After nearly a decade of this struggle, she’s depleted, exhausted, and depressed.

Today, we'll talk about how these kinds of persistent and extreme issues affect parents going through the worst of it and what Olivia might do to survive as she prepares to make some big life decisions.

If you've been through the wringer with a challenging child and it feels like no one else could possibly understand your journey, Olivia's story is a reminder that the Hopestream Community is full of people who DO truly get it.

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Learn From My Mistakes If Your Child Is Struggling With Substance Use, with Julie Merberg

Thu, 16 Nov 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Julie Merberg returned home from a work trip to find a scale and a pile of baggies on the table, she knew her son's involvement with substances was getting out of control.

In the early days of the Hopestream Community, not many people showed up to the group calls I offered to members. Julie and I were the only people who showed up the day I met her, but connecting with her one-on-one in the depths of her crisis was an incredible blessing for me and the entire community.

Foreshadowing her current work with Hopestream, Julie had already formed her own neighborhood support group of parents after her 16-year-old son began abusing Xanax and marijuana. As with so many of us, Julie and her husband tried to change their son’s behavior with punishment and control but found that it only made him more oppositional and defiant.

Three years later, Julie's son has embraced a life of recovery, and they both work to share the wisdom they've gained while getting there. In this episode, we discuss:

The importance of trusting your gut when choosing therapy and recovery
How untreated anxiety was driving Julie’s son to self medicate in unhealthy ways
Why parents shouldn't expect to find "the one that works" when it comes to treatment programs
Accepting that relapse is often part of the journey to recovery for young people
How self-care is also a service to our families
Why Julie thinks that the all-or-nothing 12 Step approach doesn't work well for teens

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Why Parents of LGBTQ+ Kids Need Their Own “Coming In” Process, with Matt Seelos

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The experience of coming out as an LGBTQ+ youth varies wildly across the country and world. In some families and communities, it’s celebrated. In others, condemned. But my guest on this episode of Hopestream says that we often forget about the “coming in” process needed for parents and families of those youth.

Matt Seelos has worked in the mental health field for 20 years. He’s currently a primary therapist at Elevations Residential Treatment Center in Utah, where he administers an alphabet soup of therapeutic practices – EMDR, DBT, CBT, and ACT among others. In addition to all of this work, Matt goes out of his way to practice compassionate therapy specifically geared toward the needs of LGBTQ+ youth.

But he also understands that the coming out process for kids requires an acceptance process for parents. He points out that while a young person has usually been internally processing the reality of their identity for months or years, parents can often feel it’s being sprung on them suddenly. Part of Matt’s job is helping parents come to terms with the loss of expectations and even grief that may accompany the coming out of their kids.

In this conversation, we cover:

a quick primer on identity and pronouns
how the stresses of LGBTQ+ identity in some communities can contribute to mental health and substance use issues
how the “coming in” process works
how the “floating back” method helps kids process their feelings of not belonging
the importance of curiosity over judgment

The Lifeboat Episode; Six Essential Provisions For Parenting Kids Through Drug Use or Addiction, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 02 Nov 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Navigating life with a young person who’s misusing substances and struggling with mental health can feel like a ride in a very stormy sea. Parents need to be well equipped for the journey but often aren’t sure what the mandatory, life-saving provisions are to bring along.

In this episode, Cathy Cioth, Hopestream Community co-founder, joins me to share our top six recommended provisions for parents. We identify the items we wish we’d had in our lifeboat when we started our expedition so you can be better prepared.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Our six recommended provisions:

Beyond Addiction Workbook for Friends and Family Members
The Invitation To Change Workbook
A journal - Cathy’s favorite is Day One
A Bible or other spiritual reference, like Jesus Calling
A token or other physical item that grounds you and brings you peace and calm
A personal trainer and chef like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh

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Craving Spring: How a Greek Myth Fueled a Mother’s Quest To Save Her Daughter, with Ann Batchelder

Thu, 26 Oct 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Ann Batchelder discovered her daughter’s suicidal thoughts, bulimia and substance misuse, she desperately sought wisdom in the places many of us do: therapy, 12-step programs, and Buddhist teachings.

But the ancient Greek myth of Demeter and Persephone gave her the greatest solace and understanding of parenting a wayward child. As Ann “did the work” to preserve mindfulness and realism about what she could control, she also began writing about her family's experiences.

Now, a decade after it began, her book is complete. Craving Spring: A Mother’s Quest, a Daughter’s Depression, and the Greek Myth that Brought Them Together is not just a memoir but a universal call for the renewal of families strained by the burden of substance use, mental health, and eating disorders.

In this episode, we discuss:

the power of Demeter and Persephone’s story for mothers (and all parents) of children struggling with substances
why it’s so difficult for parents to accept that they are going through trauma as well
finding the focus and willingness to care for our own well-being in chaotic times
the burden Ann was unknowingly placing on her daughter and how she changed herself
how the immense growth and change (of both Ann and her daughter) during recovery has led to a richer, more fulfilling relationship

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Craving Spring, A mother’s quest, a daughter’s depression, and the Greek myth that brought them together (buy here)

Filling The Sober, Fun And Social Gap In Early Recovery, with Eve Goldberg

Thu, 19 Oct 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The time period of recovery between a treatment program and responsible, independent living is an incredibly tricky one to navigate. My guest today says this is especially true in New York City, where marijuana smoke drifts down streets lined with thousands of alluring bars.

After her son’s overdose death in 2014, Eve Goldberg founded BigVision, a recovery peer community in NYC that provides a social club of sober young people looking to separate themselves from temptations that permeate every corner of the city.

Whether it’s with basketball tournaments, go-karting, half marathons, or trapeze classes, BigVision creates a cool, supportive social network for young adults in all stages of recovery.

In this episode, Eve and I discuss:

Our culture’s saturation with alcohol – even in athletics
How the stigma surrounding recovery made it hard to find a space for BigVision’s new headquarters and activities
The difference between therapy and therapeutic fun

EPISODE RESOURCES:

BigVision NYC

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Ten Recovery Eye-Openers For Parenting a Child Through Substance Misuse or Addiction, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
For parents who are on a roller coaster ride with their kids who misuse drugs and alcohol and struggle with mental health, recovery can sometimes feel like an elusive dream.
⁠
So, after 187 episodes where I've talked with experts, people in recovery, parents, siblings, and my son who's in recovery, I wanted to distill down 10 of the top eye-opening recovery insights I've gathered on this journey. ⁠I also share related episodes for these so you can dive deeper into the ones that resonate most.
⁠
If you're looking for ways to stay positive and hopeful or wondering how to be helpful as your child is in the early stages of recovery, this is your episode.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Download the episode cheat sheet for a list of the 10 eye-openers and related podcast episodes (click here to download)

The Role of Mindfulness in Recovery from Eating Disorders and Substance Use, with Maureen and Josh White

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Among the red rock cliffs of Sedona, a group of young adults sit together in the Arizona sun, meditating with their roshi - a master instructor in zen tradition. Many of the students have already been through wilderness therapy or other recovery programs. They reside at nearby Red Mountain Sedona, an independent living program where they’re learning how to integrate, alongside more traditional therapies, mindfulness practices to create a healthy, productive, and sustainable substance-free life.

My guest today is the founder of Red Mountain, Josh White, who is also a clinical mental health counselor, certified group psychotherapist, and second-ranking practitioner of Ten-Chi kenpo in the world.

In this episode, we discuss the incredible power that meditation and mindfulness practice can give young people in recovery - stepping outside cravings and impulses, observing them, interrogating them, and allowing them to pass. This conversation will also be my first foray into the issue of eating disorders, which Josh will place in the overall context of addiction.

Over the course of this discussion, we’ll talk about:

How we build the muscles of mindfulness
How young people today respond to the concept of using mindfulness in their quest for recovery from substance misuse
The difference between meditation and mindfulness, and their individual roles in recovery
How the isolation of covid and social media are affecting eating disorders and body issues in young people

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Red Mountain Sedona

The Other Side of Addiction: A Compilation of Guests Who Made it Out

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Recovery Golden Nuggets episode.
I’m sharing a curated collection of some of my favorite interview clips with people in recovery to celebrate National Recovery Month. All of these guests have been to the darkest places – jail, suicide attempts, overdoses. And yet, all have completely changed their lives, with several now working to help others in the field of recovery.

Their direct, personal experience with addiction gives them insight and perspective that can’t be found without it. The collection is inspirational to those working toward their own recovery but also for those seeking to understand and support the recovery of loved ones.

These excerpts represent hours of inspiring interviews; some will make you want to go back and listen to the original episodes. To make it easy, I’m putting links to each episode in the show notes. If you need a dose of hope, join us as we look back over the last four years of Hopestream.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Guests from this episode and their original episode:

Adam Sud - episode 177
Jeremy Melloul - episode 90 & 133
Mark LaPalme - episode 128
Mark Pepper - episode 76
Rebekah Mutch - episode 113

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Close To Home: Personal Details and Insights From His Addiction and Recovery with Brenda’s Son, Enzo Narciso

Thu, 21 Sep 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
For years, listeners of Hopestream have heard stories about my own family’s experiences with substance misuse and recovery. Today, after 184 episodes, I’m thrilled to finally introduce you to my son, Enzo.

I’m inspired by how he’s built a meaningful life free of substance misuse and for the time and energy he now dedicates to helping kids struggling with their own path to recovery. This is a conversation between two people who did (mostly) everything wrong but now spend our lives trying to help others meet these challenges more prepared than we were.

For this conversation, I tried my best to step outside the situation I was so intimately involved in – all the confusion, anger, and fear – and talk to Enzo like any other guest. During the conversation, we discuss:

The early influences of divorce and Enzo’s shifting friend group on his eventual high-risk lifestyle and substance use
Why it’s always hard to answer what treatment program “worked” for him
What Enzo was (and wasn’t) thinking about during his addiction
The consistent characteristics he sees in kids in treatment, and how he connects with them
Enzo’s near-fatal overdoses and the intense medical recovery that followed
Why it’s so important to spend judgment-free time with kids caught up in substance use

The Pivotal Role of Identity and Self-Worth in Addiction & Recovery, with Matt Elliott

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I’ve been reminded of something over the past few months: Stories of hope are all around us, even if we don’t hear them.

Just last week, I got to speak to my coworker from a former life, Steve Andrews, whose son had a frightening brush with death during the throes of his substance abuse. Both Steve and his son are now living fulfilling lives, and Steve himself has become the caretaker of our men’s community, The Woods.

Since then, I was also contacted by today’s guest, Matt Elliott, a client of mine from my life in the corporate world. Until he got in touch, I hadn’t seen or spoken to Matt in five years. I had no idea that he had his own recovery story to share.

In this episode, we talk about the traumas Matt put his family through as a young man, the role substances played in his perception of his own value as a human being, how his recovery played out, and what his younger self needed to hear at the time.

This National Recovery Month, it’s worth pausing to reflect on just how many families we interact with daily who’ve endured substance use in their families – and how many come out the other side stronger, wiser and more compassionate.
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Fathering With Accountability and Grace When Your Teen Struggles with Addiction, with Steve Andrews

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Today, I have the privilege of introducing the new host of The Woods, our community specifically for dads, stepdads, and male co-parents.

After Steve Andrews and his wife got sober through Alcoholics Anonymous as a young couple, their sons never saw them drink or use substances. They warned their kids of the alcoholism and mental health issues on both sides of the family, but when one of them began misusing DXM, Kratom, alcohol, and marijuana in middle school, the couple found themselves in an increasingly volatile situation.

Meanwhile, Steve was also trying to maintain a stressful and demanding work life at the office – with me! Yes, Steve and I worked at the same ad agency while our families dealt with the chaos of substance misuse.

We found in each other what Hopestream Community provides to all its members: the company of someone who truly understands what you’re going through.

Steve is now a practicing therapist, and today we welcome him as host of The Woods with a discussion that includes:

The frightening story of Steve’s son losing control – and how he moved into recovery
Proof that there is no “one size fits all” way for our kids to find recovery
How Steve’s new position with The Woods brings full circle yet another personal story of hope
How a child with substance issues affects work-life perspective and experience
How we can take accountability for our actions without falling into the “it’s-all-my-fault” trap

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Steve’s website

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Ten Simple and Effective Phrases That Help Diffuse Difficult Conversations, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When you have a complex child, all your conversations and relationships might feel more strained. If you're like me, you sometimes find yourself at a complete loss for words and struggle with how to diffuse or launch your communication in a helpful and productive way.

If this sounds like you, you're in luck as I'm sharing ten very simple and highly effective phrases you can use when you're stuck for words or your words aren't currently working.

And to make it even easier, there's a PDF in the show notes you can download free, so you've got these ten phrases handy when you need them.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 182 Cheat Sheet: click to download

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The Secret Menu; Reframing The Experience of Parenting and Addiction, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Sometimes you can gain a different understanding of things by looking at them through a new lens. Today's bite-size episode does that for you as the parent of a young person who struggle with substances - in the form of a short story.

You'll hear about a restaurant owner and her strange, secret menu. And for those who eat from it, it can provide benefits and gifts not available anywhere else.

It's one you may want to single-task for to absorb the full meaning. Created with love and compassion by me, just for you.
______________________________

Accepting the Invitation To Change: Two Parents Confront Fentanyl’s Hold On Their Daughter, with Eleanor & Dave

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Every once in a while, I have the opportunity to speak with parents whose experiences are a perfect case study of why Hopestream Community exists. This episode with Eleanor and Dave is one of those conversations – especially for those of you with kids who are young adults living outside the home.

Eleanor and Dave raised their two children in Silicon Valley, where they had a nice house, a beautiful community, and access to California's best schools. But as many parents recognize, economic stability is not necessarily a shield against substance misuse.

In the span of one short year, Eleanor and Dave watched their daughter spiral from a university student to homeless, living in her car and using fentanyl regularly.

After a brief period of denial about the seriousness of her situation, the couple was forced to accept the reality in front of them. The hard work that followed should be held up as an example of what to do right, and that’s why I’m speaking with them today.

You'll hear how Eleanor and Dave implemented many of the tools and strategies we talk about frequently in Hopestream Community – creating supportive boundaries, rooting actions in love and empathy, implementing strategies from The Invitation to Change Approach, performing loving, family-based interventions, and so much more.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

________________

Coaching Episode – Helping Your Child Progress Through Early Recovery and Begin Adulting, with Alice

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this coaching episode we reconnect with Stream member Alice who I spoke to 18 months ago, when her son was in the worst of his substance misuse. And what incredible growth and development her family has seen since then!

After wilderness and a therapeutic boarding school, Alice’s son is now an 18-year-old holding down a heavy load including work, volunteering and school in sober living. But the everyday things that Alice used to do for him at home – laundry, groceries, appointments, picking up prescriptions – are starting to create a level of stress that is no longer buffered by substances.

Alice learned a lot over the past 18 months about natural consequences and setting boundaries, but now that her son is well on his way to full recovery, she can’t help but want to jump in and help maintain everything he’s worked for. How much should she get involved? Should her boundaries shift? And how much should he participate in drawing those boundaries?

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Telos (Therapeutic Boarding School)

How Parents Can Transcend Shame – and Help Their Kids Do the Same, with Patrick Hawkins

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Today we tackle the difficult topic of shame and how it can affect our entire families. As parents of kids who are misusing drugs or alcohol, it’s common to experience a profound sense of failure or guilt when their lives begin to spin out of control.

And as today’s guest says, “How could you not?” For many of us, it can seem like our kids are entirely different than the people we raised. As a substance use disorder progresses, they may engage in ugly behaviors like lying, cheating, or stealing that are contrary to everything we taught them. It’s not hard to understand why that often leads to a sense of shame in parents.

On this episode, I’m joined by Patrick Hawkins, founder of Triple Divide Lodge, a 90-day program that combines residential treatment and adventure therapy for young men ages 14-19. Patrick’s wealth of experience helps us work through these family dynamics of shame and how they affect not just our kids but us as well.

You'll hear:

How “spontaneous rationalizations” trump unidentified and unresolved feelings in our kids
How those feelings pile up over time into chronic emotional distress, which is often used as a subconscious justification for continuing their substance use
Why kids are truly unaware that the problem is addiction, and why that should alleviate so much of the guilt we may feel
Why turning our child into our parental report card leads to emotionally driven behavior – and why that’s rarely good

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Triple Divide Lodge

Substance Misuse Makes Perfect Sense: Redefining Addiction and Recovery, with Adam Sud

Thu, 27 Jul 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When I heard today’s guest on another (seemingly unrelated) podcast, I immediately wanted to bring his wisdom and perspective to the listeners of Hopestream.

After years of stimulant and other substance abuse, Adam Sud tried to take his own life with an overdose - which thankfully failed. In the decade that followed that pivotal event, he became a behavioral wellness nutrition expert, international speaker, and the founder and CEO of a nonprofit that studies how nutrition impacts mental health and addiction.

I began this interview wanting to bring you a conversation more specifically about food and nutrition, but once we got started, it was clear that Adam had SO MUCH MORE to share – about the core motivations and behaviors connected to substance misuse.

He’s full of truths that are sometimes hard to hear but are invaluable to help parents understand what their kids are going through, how to be an active part of their recovery, and, importantly, how not to sabotage it.

This episode is long, but that’s because it’s full of gems that I couldn’t bury in the editing room. Over the course of this conversation, we discuss:

Why we must understand how it “makes perfect sense” to misuse drugs and alcohol
The evolutionary programming that leaves humans susceptible to addiction
Why we should never ask, “Why won’t you stop?” and what to ask instead
How food both fueled and healed Adam’s addictive patterns
How the notion of willpower has become a trap
Why Adam believes the word “recovery” shouldn’t be defined as “an absence of substances”

EPISODE RESOURCES:

INFINITE Study about the benefits of a plant-based diet in addiction recovery
Adam Sud's website
Rip Esselstyn, PlantStrong
Doug Lisle, Ph.D., Author, The Pleasure Trap
Doug Lisle, Ph.D. Ted Talk
Plant Based for Positive Change (Adam’s nonprofit organization)
Johan Hari Ted Talk (Rat Park Experiment)

Six Pivotal Decisions Parents Get To Make When Their Child Struggles With Substances and Addiction

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Shorty episode alert 💫⁠
⁠
Today I'm taking a break from talking about addiction, substances, mental health, all.the.things. ⁠
⁠
Instead, I'm sharing six decisions you get to make as a parent that can help better your life when you have a child struggling with substances or finding their way to recovery.⁠
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It's a quicky that will give you a few things to consider if you feel a bit untethered or like life is controlling you vs. the other way around.⁠

The Intersection of Autism and Addiction, with Dr. Brandon Park

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
On several occasions, Hopestream has hosted conversations about the complex intersection of substance use and other issues like anxiety, trauma, and ADD.

But there’s one convergence we haven’t yet discussed: substance use, addiction, and autism. After searching for a trustworthy specialist, we're finally covering this topic today with neuropsychologist Dr. Brandon Park, Founder and Executive Director of New Focus Academy.

In this episode, Dr. Park explains why kids with autism can find themselves especially susceptible to addictions – not just to alcohol and drugs, but also technology use and other behaviors. Over the course of this conversation we discuss:

What is neurodiversity and how does it impact teens and young adults?
Indicators for undiagnosed autism
Why some kids (especially girls) are good at masking neurodivergence and how that makes them even more vulnerable
What parents need to know if they're considering treatment for a neurodiverse child
How therapists and mental health professionals can sometimes misunderstand the experience and needs of kids with autism
The importance of working with professionals who can parse the connections between trauma, autism, substance use, and other issues

EPISODE RESOURCES:

New Focus Academy Website
Instagram: @newfocusacademy
Social Emotional Fluency Model developed by Dr. Park

What Are Boundaries And Why Parents Need Them When Their Child Misuses Drugs or Alcohol, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 06 Jul 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You might hear the term "boundaries" thrown around as you work to parent your child who's misusing drugs and alcohol - but what exactly are they, and why do you need them?

Hopestream Community co-founder Cathy Cioth and I deep dive into this topic today because we see parents in our communities struggle with it constantly.

We share:

What boundaries are and are not
We divulge some of our own struggles with setting and holding boundaries
What can happen if you don't have boundaries
Why Cathy called herself the "marshmallow" when it came to holding boundaries with her kids
Examples of boundaries we set with our families during our experience with our kids

It's practical, a little humorous, and revealing in a way that may help you gain some confidence and control in what can feel like a very out-of-control situation.

Please click here if you'd like to join the Hopestream Community two-hour boundaries workshop and come away with an actionable plan to make a change in your life and family.

What the Chinese Farmer Teaches Us About Parenting Kids Using Substances, with Dina Cannizzaro

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this episode, Stream advisor Dina Cannizzaro is back with me to discuss the profound lessons in the story of the Chinese farmer. The parable applies to everyone’s lives, but it is especially relevant for those going through difficult times, as many parents in the Hopestream Community are. Take it from two moms who have survived their child’s extreme substance misuse: you never know what good may come from tragedy and misfortune.

Yes, we are acutely aware of how crazy that sounds to parents currently going through it. It certainly would have sounded crazy to us amid our children’s struggles. But take a few minutes to hear us out. In this episode, we discuss:

what the radical skepticism of the Chinese farmer has to teach us about withholding judgment and letting go of what we cannot control
the one thing we can (and should!) control in situations that often leave us feeling powerless
how Dina’s son taught her that she had her own recovery to do
the power of a parent's “tagline”
being a shining light in the dark experiences of children dealing with substance use

A Mother & Son Walk Us Through Addiction, Recovery and Rebuilding Family Connection, With Cindy & Colin

Thu, 22 Jun 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
By the time Cindy learned to establish boundaries with her son Colin, he had already endured brain injuries and intubations as a result of his alcohol abuse. When Colin finally called her from jail one night, she knew that she shouldn’t bail him out despite her instincts. She expressed sympathy but didn't offer to rescue him - again.

As Colin stewed in a holding cell that night, he realized his parents would no longer buffer him from the natural consequences of his actions. And he knew if he continued down his current path, his life would culminate into nothing.

Since that day, Cindy and Colin have both experienced profound personal growth. Colin is now a fitness enthusiast serving as director of personal training at a gym. Cindy is an advisor in The Stream Community and personal coach to several moms. Their story gives hope that change can and does happen – and that’s what Hopestream is all about.

In this episode, I talk to Cindy and Colin together about how they each experienced Colin’s addiction and the work they both had to do to move beyond it. We discuss:

Cindy's go-to strategy for getting through their family's crisis
what they each wish they had known during Colin’s addiction and recovery
why parents must confront their own issues to have whole-family healing
the practical application of boundaries
a Netflix show that helped Colin move forward and thrive in long-term recovery

EPISODE RESOURCES:

An Unexpectedly Humorous Take on Substance Misuse, Borderline Personality, Trauma and Tragic Loss, with Jess Kupferman

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
On this episode of Hopestream, the show comes full circle to its roots. My guest, Jess Kupferman, is the CEO of She Podcasts, a membership-based group of all-women podcasters that played an important role in the creation of this show.

What I didn’t know when I launched the podcast was that Jess lost her daughter to a heroin overdose at the same time I was going through our family struggles with my son.

One of the most fascinating things about Jess is the way she has learned to process this trauma with a sharp sense of humor rarely seen in addiction and recovery spaces. Don’t feel bad if you laugh a few times while listening to her story, but take her advice on telling your own story seriously.

On this episode Jess and I discuss:

why she sometimes views her family’s struggles as great sitcom material
how she “kinda kidnapped” her daughter from a rehab facility
the frustrating state of recovery centers for those who suffer from other mental health issues
the incredible benefits of an all-female podcasting community
baby steps toward telling your own story

EPISODE RESOURCES:

A Tribute To Bill Guy, A Role Model For Parents Who Love A Child Struggling With Drugs and Alcohol

Thu, 08 Jun 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a very special Hopestream episode today in memory of a dear friend and host of The Woods Community, Bill Guy.

Bill passed away June 2nd and he leaves a big gap in the world - we were fortunate to have had him as a generous and brave leader for our community in it's infancy.

Bill was on the podcast late last year and to honor his legacy of helping parents of kids with substance misuse challenges I decided to share a compilation of beautiful thoughts and insights from our previous conversation.

If you want to hear the voice of someone who led by example and epitomized the approach of love, education, empathy, boundaries and self-care when your child is misusing substances, you won't find anyone more pure than Bill.

Is It Ok To Use A CALM Approach With A Child Who Misuses Drugs and Alcohol? With Brenda Zane

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a shorty episode today, tackling the question of whether a calm approach can work when you have a child misusing substances.

I share my perspective on why I believe parents often think they need to use aggressive, confrontational tactics to get their children to change and invite you into an experiment to test the theory.

I then provide a four-step way to move into a CALM approach when things get heated with your child. It's a simple but effective way to have less drama and more control.

FOO Fighter: Deprogramming Our “Family Of Origin” Triggers For More Effective Parenting, with Dr. Crystal Collier

Thu, 25 May 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Figuring out how to parent a teen or young adult experimenting with substances is hard enough on its own. But if you’re like me, there’s an additional layer of confusion about how this all happened: Didn’t we provide a stable home life for our kids? Didn’t they have access to everything they needed? What did I miss to prevent this?

My guest today is Dr. Crystal Collier, an award-winning therapist working with adolescents and adults suffering from mental illness, behavioral problems, and substance use disorders. But her experience is not entirely academic. What made her so interested in recovery was her own misuse of alcohol beginning at age 12, and the difficult times that followed.

After finding recovery at a young age, Crystal had the same question about herself that Hopestream Community parents often have about their own children: How did an otherwise smart kid with a great family end up making terrible decisions about substance use?

That question led to a 30-year journey of study and service, and I’m happy to share some of Crystal’s insights with you in this episode, including:

How our own childhood experiences created “Family Of Origin (FOO) buttons,” and how they connect to present-day responses to our kids
The FOO buttons we are programming into our own kids, and why they could lead to escapism, drug use, and antisocial behavior
The pervasive myth that when parents allow drinking at home, it prevents excess “forbidden fruit” binging later on
How helicopter parenting destroys a sense of self-efficacy in young people

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Johnny’s Ambassadors: How One Mother’s Loss Started a Youth Marijuana Awareness Movement, With Laura Stack

Thu, 18 May 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you currently have a teen or young adult, you likely grew up in an era of marijuana liberalization and legalization. At that time, many of us learned that marijuana was not nearly as dangerous as we were led to believe by films like Reefer Madness and claims that showed our "brain on drugs.”

But those studies were based on the potency of leaf material available before marijuana became a legal, multi-billion dollar industry – and the industry has radically changed.

New, high-potency forms of marijuana (like shatter, wax, edibles and vape oils) are delivering regular doses of THC that are hundreds of times more powerful than the original recommendations for medical treatment. To make matters worse, they're increasingly available to middle and high school kids.

My guest today is Laura Stack, founder of Johnny’s Ambassadors and a mother who lives in Colorado – ground zero for the nation’s marijuana legalization. Laura watched her son go from a straight-A student with no mental illness to marijuana-induced psychosis after obtaining his medical marijuana card. He eventually, tragically, took his own life. Laura now travels the country speaking frankly with high school students about what the frightening new science says about young people and high-potency THC extracts.

In this interview, we discuss:

Why parents are sometimes less concerned when their children try marijuana
Why old studies showing the medicinal benefits of marijuana are often irrelevant in the world of concentrates
New science surrounding the use of concentrates and their connection to marijuana-induced psychosis
How parents can help spread the word through Johnny's Ambassadors

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Johnny’s Ambassadors Parents of Children with Cannabis-Induced Psychosis (POCCIP) support group
Video library of THC research and presentations
Partnership to End Addiction Marijuana Talk Kit - how to talk to your child about marijuana
The Link Between Youth Marijuana Use and Suicidality - research
Frequently Asked Questions about today’s marijuana

Bonus Episode: A Mother's Day Card For All The Mommas

Sun, 14 May 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's Mother's Day and for those with kids who struggle, or who lost their struggle, it can be hard. It can also be joyous and amazing, kind of a mixed bag. So this is your Mother's Day card from me.
Sending so much love your way.

Back Pocket Parenting; Getting Un-Enmeshed From A Child Who Misuses Drugs and Alcohol, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 11 May 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents often don’t realize they’re deeply and unhealthfully embedded in their child’s life- especially when that child struggles with their relationship to substances. The official term for this dysfunction is called enmeshment, but since Cathy and I aren’t therapists, we liken it to back-pocket parenting.

If you find yourself intertwined in your child’s life to the degree that they’re not doing age-appropriate things for themselves, or you don’t know where they end and you begin, this is your episode.

We talk about what enmeshment looks like, examples of our own relationships, the impact it has on a teen or young adult, and ideas for how to start to disentangle from your child using boundaries and natural consequences (and a good therapist!)

EPISODE RESOURCES:

AutoCamp (The Stream Spring retreat venue)

Jessica Lahey, NYT Best Selling Author on The Addiction Inoculation, Inviting Failure and The Ultimate Challenge For Parents

Thu, 27 Apr 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Jessica Lahey has been surrounded by addiction her whole life. As a person now in long-term recovery, she grew up around alcoholism, came to her own reckoning with dinking, has taught every grade from 6-12, worked with adolescents in residential treatment, and written two New York Times best-selling books, The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation.

Jessica’s books are a gift to parents looking for ways to set their kids up for the best possible outcome regarding substances and the ability to navigate life independently as they progress through high school and their young adulthood.

You’ll hear how Jessica went from being adamantly against substance use to realizing she had a serious drinking problem, why she wants parents to focus on progress, not product, why allowing our kids to struggle truly is a gift, and explains the data behind the mantra, “delay, delay, delay.”

It’s appointment listening, even if your child is already down the path of misusing substances. You’ll gain so much from this frank and encouraging conversation.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

How To Raise An Adult
Never Enough
I’ve Taught Monsters
On Being 40ish
Nadine Burke Harris - The Deepest Well
Differently Wired
Tilt Parenting podcast
Quiet, Susan Cain
Jessica’s Parent Teacher Conference NYT Column
#AmWriting podcast

The High Cost of High-Potency Marijuana For Adolescents, with Dr. Libby Stuyt

Thu, 20 Apr 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When voters in Colorado legalized marijuana in the year 2000, they did so with good intentions: as compassionate health care for people with serious conditions. After all, the FDA was approving THC-based medicines like marinol at doses of 20mg.

Then concentrates hit the market.

In Colorado today, an 18-year-old with a medical marijuana card can legally purchase more than 50 times the daily dose of THC originally prescribed as medicine. And my guest for this episode, Dr. Libby Stuyt, says she is seeing the consequences.

Dr. Stuyt is a board-certified addiction psychiatrist, and has worked in the addiction and behavioral health field for more than 30 years. Most of that time was spent as medical director at a Colorado inpatient program for people who had failed to progress through other treatments. She has seen it all.

In this episode Dr. Stuyt explains how we are gaining new understanding of the potential dangers of high-potency marijuana products, especially for adolescents. We discuss:

How the market transformed from well-intentioned medicine to a THC free-for-all
What parents need to understand before they ask, “Where would my kid even get marijuana?”
Why edibles can be more dangerous than smoking
What we’ve learned about the connection between adolescent marijuana use and opiates
Some of the most frightening problems associated with heavy users of concentrates, including rapid-onset addiction, IQ-loss, psychosis, and hyperemesis

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Replacing Addiction Shame with Addiction Energy and the Importance of Parent Boundaries, With Dr. Wes Robins

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It’s nearly impossible for our kids to see us as anything but authority figures. And, of course, we are. We want to protect them from the world and sometimes even from the consequences of their own actions. But teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse often need a different kind of relationship to accept responsibility for their actions and explore their behavior's roots.

My guest for this episode is Dr. Wes Robins, founder and CEO of Eternal Strength, which focuses on what he calls “radical youth work”. This work breaks down the perception of counselors or therapists as authority figures, focusing on relationships rather than behavior modification. Over the course of his life, Wes has progressed from his own addiction to cocaine and methamphetamine to a doctoral thesis in Consciousness and Society, making him a unique lens through which to view teens and young adults in recovery.

On this episode we discuss:

Why parents should shift their energies from behavioral control to support with boundaries and self-care
Why recognizing the sovereignty and responsibility of teens and young adults is key to helping them open up
How Wes builds mutual respect with young adults that sidesteps a hierarchical relationship – and why it’s so difficult for parents.

You can learn more about Eternal Strength here: https://www.eternalstrengthatl.com/

The Influence Paradox: How Giving Up Control Can Give You Sway, with Dr. Emily Kline

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You’ve probably heard me (and many of my guests) talk about letting go of the idea that you can control your teen or young adult child. This is so hard to do, for obvious reasons, and parents who struggle with this have some valid questions:

Isn’t it our job to protect our kids at all costs? If I stop confronting these problems, isn’t that just avoidance? How is this different from just giving up?

My guest today says that these questions miss an important paradox: The more we let go of controlling behavior (which often doesn’t work anyway), the more opportunity we have to gain real influence – especially with skills like Motivational Interviewing.

Dr. Emily Kline received her Ph.D. from the University of Maryland, following up with clinical and post-doc training at Harvard Medical School. She has presented to audiences all over the world on the topics of mental health and interpersonal communication. Her new book and (free!) E-course is titled The School of Hard Talks.

I’ve been seeing Emily’s name everywhere lately and I’m excited to finally bring you this conversation, in which we discuss:

How Motivational Interviewing can help us give up control in exchange for influence
One big reason adolescents and young adults can be self-destructive
Some go-to phrases to facilitate low-conflict discussion and relationship building

EPISODE RESOURCES:

School of Hard Talks online e-course

The Question Parents Really Need To Ask Their Kid Who Struggles With Substances, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In today’s episode, I announce some big news for my organization and also share the question I've come to believe parents really need to ask to help their kids heal and move away from misusing substances. This question is hard to ask and many parents don't want to go there, but it's necessary and doable with the right support.

I share what parents see "above the iceberg" and why that's only part of a big picture they need to have visibility to. It's a short but important message you'll want to hear if you're confounded by your child's unhealthy relationship with drugs, alcohol, or anything else that's taking away from their health and wellbeing.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream Community - our new nonprofit organization to support parents
Episodes mentioned: #131 with Dr. Gabor Maté, #56 with Hope Payson and Daryl McGraw, #104 with Steve Sawyer
The Wisdom of Trauma documentary with Dr. Gabor Maté
Uprooting Addiction documentary with Hope Payson
Pediatric ACEs and Related Life Events Screener (PEARLS) - for parents

Adultolescence: Preparing Young Adults Who Struggle With Skills For Wellness and Independence, With Greg Ostler

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Teen girls and young women are experiencing unprecedented spikes in anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. There are differing opinions about what’s driving this surge, but nearly everyone agrees it’s happening. These young women often struggle with their identity and role in the world, manifesting a wide range of unproductive behaviors: withdrawal, avoidance, manipulation, and misuse of substances. And of course, substance misuse complicates every problem even further.

My guest is Greg Ostler, Clinical Director at Skyterra Young Adult Wellness Retreat. Greg says young women in recovery often don’t have environments conducive to learning healthy routines, essential skills, and the importance of self-care. Skyterra couples this kind of practical knowledge with communication and conflict resolution skills that allow young women to transition into healthy, responsible adulthood.

In this interview, we talk about:

The five pillars of lifestyle habits that help young adults thrive
“Adultolescence”, and why 18 is just a number
Why it can be helpful to “blow things up” at times
Why it’s okay to admit you don’t know what to do

Addiction Psychologist By Day, Parenting A Child Through Addiction By Night, with Julie

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
At the time Julie’s teenage son began misusing drugs, she had been a clinical psychologist specializing in addiction for more than 15 years. In her own words:

“I know most of what there is to know, and we’re still here anyway. How did that happen?”

After working with families in the area of addiction for years, Julie was now one of “those parents.” This personal experience layered onto her academic expertise gives her a unique, holistic perspective that can benefit us all.

Join us for this incredibly vulnerable and enlightening conversation, where we discuss:

the difference between an intellectual understanding of substance misuse and the emotional, first-person experience
why Julie was resistant to wilderness therapy – and why she’s glad she tried it
and how to react when it seems like C.R.A.F.T. tools “aren’t working”

Coaching Episode: Learning to Let Go with Tracey

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Having a child who misuses drugs or alcohol can look very different for all of us – especially for children of different ages. For parents of kids who are still living at home, the responsibilities and realities are simply not the same as parents whose children are young adults, living on their own outside the home.

In today’s coaching episode, my guest Tracey tells us how her 26-year-old son finally accepted treatment just a few months ago, after more than a decade of alcohol misuse. Tracey is still learning how to strike that balance between support and control, and how to let go of the downward spiral of anxiety about her son’s relapse that, I’m sure, so many of us can relate to.

In this episode we discuss:

how Tracey finally came to understand why her son began drinking so many years ago
how she has made so much progress toward her goal of relinquishing control of her son’s life, and what she might still do to improve
and a few tips and tricks to staying grounded – from a “letter of resignation” to ice cube handling

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Aware RecoveryCare (in-home detox services)

Recovery Story: From Drug-Induced Psychosis And Homelessness To A Stable Life At Age 22

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I’m always happy to share testimony from individuals in recovery. Their stories can give hope and perspective to families of young people currently working through substance misuse and treatment.

The stories I’ve previously shared have almost always been from people in recovery for a decade or more. Those interviews are, of course, valuable, but they’ve also been conducted in distant hindsight of the experiences that many families listening to this podcast are going through today.

In this episode, I’m speaking with Spencer, a 22-year-old who is now one year in recovery, has a full-time job, and maintains a healthy relationship with his family. Spencer began experimenting with alcohol and marijuana at age 14, eventually moving on to regular doses of hallucinogens that began to disconnect him from reality. His journey includes adolescent treatment, multiple relapses, homelessness, drug-induced psychosis and now, a new life.

His experiences with drugs, alcohol and treatment are not only fresh in his memory but also unfiltered and, at times, raw.

Join us as Spencer bravely offers a fresh perspective that may illuminate important aspects of your own child’s struggles and successes.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Eight Free And Impactful Ways of Being That Allow Your Child to Change Their Relationship With Drugs And Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this episode, I share the reason behind my passion for helping parents navigate this stressful season of life and share eight important, free, and available ways of being that will help your child become more motivated to change their relationship with substances.

I spend a lot of time talking with professional experts and parent-experts - those of you living with and parenting young people who misuse substances. I recently took some time to reverse-engineer the things I've heard consistently that helped make the experience better and that have helped kids move faster through this period in life.

What I found in the process were eight nuggets of wisdom and insight that you can start implementing today - and we need to act quickly because our young people are dying at an unprecedented rate.

As a precursor to the eight insights, I share recent statistics about teenage overdose deaths in the U.S. to emphasize why I'm so passionate about bringing parents more tools, skills, and knowledge when their child misuses substances.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Teen overdose statistics
Hopestream podcast episodes mentioned: #3, #136, #151, #17
Center for Motivation and Change
Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Help People Change

Psychological Evaluations: A Tool to Help Gain Insight To Your Child’s Challenges And Strengths, With Dr. Alison Lafollette

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
For many parents, having their teen or young adult child undergo psychological evaluation can feel incredibly stressful. They worry that even talking to their son or daughter about the process can make it seem like they think their child is broken, or maybe even that they're crazy.

When my son entered wilderness therapy, I'd never even heard of psychological evaluations - so I never knew it could have been a tool to provide insight into his challenges and strengths.

And for parents taking a “wait-and-see” approach to addressing their child’s behavior, these evaluations can be beneficial to get a thorough and professional assessment of your child’s psychological strengths, weaknesses, and specific needs. This information can be critical and directive when you're making treatment decisions.

My guest today is Dr. Alison LaFollette, a psychologist based in Salt Lake City with over a decade of experience conducting psychological and neuropsychological assessments. The last seven years of her career have involved working with young people in residential treatment programs, therapeutic boarding schools, and wilderness therapy programs. Given her extensive education and experience, she has a lot to share with us about how evaluations can benefit families with young people who struggle with substances and mental health.

In this episode, Alison and I discuss:

Myths and misperceptions about psychological assessment
Who’s qualified to conduct these assessments, and who isn’t
Ideas for approaching your child about doing an evaluation
How test results can be used to direct treatment options

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Alison LaFollette's website: lifeelevatedpsychological.com
Hopestream podcast episode 79 with Virginia Holleman on insurance for behavioral healthcare coverage

Writing H.O.M.E. – A New Roadmap for Parents With Kids in Treatment, with Solutions Parenting Support

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The experience of parenting a child in, or transitioning out of, treatment almost always feels like uncharted territory. And for each of us as individuals, it usually is.

But what if there was a way to zoom out and find patterns within thousands of family experiences? With that insight, we might even be able to predict situations we find ourselves in and prepare appropriately.

My guests today have done just that. Hillary Moses and Jen Murphy have a combined 40 years of experience working with kids in treatment and their families. They are co-owners of Solutions Parenting Support, and authors of the new book H.O.M.E.: Strategies for making home a SUCCESS, during and after treatment.

H.O.M.E. is not just a guidebook to chart the territory you’re in or heading toward. It’s also an thoughtful model to sustain personal growth during an incredibly difficult time.

In this conversation we cover:

behavior patterns of kids in recovery
a simple model to apply when you're faced with a situation you don't know how to handle
navigating boundaries and self-ownership for kids 18+
and how the self-assessment questions provided by the H.O.M.E. model can keep us grounded and in control.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Solutions Parenting Support

The Incredible Influence of Parents When Your Child Struggles with Substance Misuse or Addiction, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
A common feeling parents express when they have a child struggling with substance misuse or addiction is helplessness. It feels as though day-to-day events whiplash you around, and there's nothing you can do to help create stability or calm - let alone encourage your child to accept help.

The good news is there are ways to wield great influence in your home, with your child who struggles, and in your relationships in general. In this candid conversation with my business partner Cathy, we talk about how parents can begin to take back some control and positively influence what's happening. It's empowering and uplifting, and we go on a tangent or two, as usual when we're talking to each other.

You'll hear:

why we shouldn't wait till everything is "right" to enjoy our kids and life in general
why it's totally normal to feel knocked over when your child is misusing substances
when is the worst time to engage with your child
our point of view on rock bottom
a spolier alert if you're using the yell, blame, punish, restrict approach
thoughts on kids who "just" use marijuana and harm reduction
why Cathy wants you to go to a marijuana dispensary
what you're 100% in control of

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Huberman Labs Podcast on the effects of cannabis and marijuana on the brain and body
The Marijuana episode on Hopestream with Dr. Nzinga Harrison
Stages of Change podcast episode on Hopestream
Two Sparrows in a Hurricane - Tanya Tucker

Research on parent’s influence: According to Marlowe et al. (1996), substance abusers reported that family members exerted substantially more influence over their decision to enter treatment than other sources of influence, including legal pressures exerted by court-mandated treatment. Research has also shown that family members and significant others can be important resources in treating drug abuse (Azrin, 1976; Garrett et al., 1997; McGillicuddy, Rychtarik, Duquette, & Morsheimer, 2001; O'Farrell & Fals-Stewart, 2003; Sisson & Azrin, 1986; Szapocznik, Kurtines, Foote, Perez-Vidal, & Hervis, 1983; Thomas & Santa, 1982).

Happiness and Joy Are Not the Same (and Why It Matters For Parents), with Alex Stavros, CEO of Embark Behavioral Health

Thu, 26 Jan 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Sometimes, parents seeking guidance and comfort during difficult times are told to “choose happiness”. My guest today believes instead, we should be choosing joy.

Alex Stavros is the CEO of Embark Behavioral Health, a leading network of premiere youth outpatient centers and residential programs. Their “big hairy audacious goal” is driving down youth anxiety, depression, and suicide from the all-time highs of today to all-time lows by 2028.

In addition to his decade of work with Embark, Alex brings some unique personal experiences to the conversation. As a child, his family uprooted their lives in Minnesota to serve people living in abject poverty in the slums of Peru. This upbringing has given him some much-needed perspective on happiness, joy, and how each applies to the lives of families struggling with substance misuse issues.

In this episode, we discuss:

the difference between happiness and joy - and why it matters to parents in particular
how Embark is using this concept to change lives
and the three major challenges to fixing the nation’s mental health crisis

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Embark Behavioral Health

Coaching Episode: The Purpose of Self-Care and Importance of Acknowledging Progress When Your Child Chooses Sobriety

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you’re here listening to Hopestream, you probably know that working through substance misuse can take a heavy toll on family relationships. Even after a child achieves sobriety, family dynamics are sometimes still disrupted by the intensely emotional process everyone has been through.

In this coaching episode, I’ll meet Alana, a Stream Community parent whose oldest daughter is now 11 months sober. Alana has watched her struggle — especially during the first two years of COVID — with devastating bouts of depression and anxiety, which have twice been made worse by personal traumas.

Alana is optimistic about her daughter’s sobriety, but she’s still navigating those mental health issues. She wants her to be stable and independent but can’t seem to stop trying to “fix” her daughter’s life with a never-ending to-do list and nagging. In this episode, Alana and I work through:

How she can encourage good, sober choices by her daughter - without nagging her
Recognizing progress and the importance of positive reinforcement
how self-care changes the way our children see us
and what I did wrong that pushed my son to continue his substance use

The Intersection of Adoption and Substance Use, with Eric Fawson, LCSW

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Numerous studies show that adopted children are significantly more likely to develop substance use disorders. Is this true? If so, why? And how can parents of adopted children support and guide them through those tendencies?

Today I’m speaking with Eric Fawson. Eric has been practicing therapy for more than 15 years, focusing on attachment, trauma, and the substance misuse that often accompanies these issues. He has served as a Clinical Director and is currently a therapist at Elements Wilderness. Eric was also adopted at birth and has worked with countless adoptees, making him particularly qualified to talk about the unique challenges facing adoptive parents.

In this discussion, we’ll be exploring:

why adopted children may struggle with addiction
how parents’ state of mind can affect discussions about substance use
and why it’s so important to be part of a community that understands what you’re going through as a parent with a child experimenting with or misusing substances

EPISODE RESOURCES:

TCA - Therapeutic Consulting Assoc.
IECA - Independent Educational Consultants Assoc.
Allkindsoftherapy.com

Books:

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew (Sherrie Eldridge )
The Primal Wound (Nancy Newton Verrier)
Being Adopted (Amy Wilkerson Lcsw)
The Family of Adoption (Joyce Maguire Pavao)

Straight From My Heart; You Don't Get To Tap Out On Yourself, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 05 Jan 2023 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Today I'm going to share from my heart some things I've been thinking about which haven't really seemed to fit into any other episode. I decided to bump the show I had planned as the first in Season Four of Hopestream to share a few heartfelt thoughts with you as we head into a new year.⁠
⁠
You'll learn what I really want, more than anything, and why. You'll also learn something you don't get to do while you're in a very difficult season with your son or daughter.⁠ It's short, real, and a bit of a pep talk/love letter just for you.

Hopestream Golden Nuggets of 2022

Thu, 29 Dec 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this compilation of 12 impactful episodes, you'll hear from:
Dr. Anna Lembke, Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D., Dina Cannizzaro, Dr. Brad Reedy, Cathy Cioth, Steve Sawyer, Dr. Gabor Maté, Mark LaPalme, Rebekah Mutch, Andy Goldstrom, Bill Guy and Anne Moss Rogers.

It's that time of year! This episode has become an annual tradition here at Hopestream, where I open up the vault from 2022, reflect on the year, over 50 episodes, so many guests, and pluck out a few of the golden nuggets that were shared.

It’s ridiculously hard because it feels like I’m picking my favorite children, but it’s meaningful in that I see common threads and themes that emerge through the various conversations.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

How Adventure Therapy Can Offer Young Adults Life-Long Tools for Mental Health & Resilience, with Andrew Taylor

Thu, 22 Dec 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When your son or daughter has been struggling with mental health or misusing substances for any period of time, it can be hard to recall who they are without the external influence of those substances, screens, or social media. Let alone remember who they are when they get consistent sleep, good nutrition, and regular outdoor exercise. A benefit of residential therapeutic environments is that they help re-discover your son or daughter’s behavioral and mental health baseline and identify what resources will impact lasting change most.

In this episode, I’m talking with the founder of Pure Life Adventure Therapy, Andrew Taylor. He shares how Adventure Therapy is different from Wilderness Therapy and how it specifically supports young adults who are experiencing isolation, anxiety, and depression. While it’s not designed to support young people in active addiction or those who are newly sober, it’s a powerful combination of nature, fun, and deep therapy. It’s a way for young adults to learn first-hand how to develop resilience for the challenges of everyday life.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The impact of nature on the brain and nervous system
Who Adventure Therapy is good for and who isn’t a good match
The difference between “acting in” versus “acting out” and what to watch for
How to engage a son or daughter who is regularly wearing the mask of, “I’m fine!”
Why we need to be affirming of emotions and challenge our kids to exercise grit and resilience at the same time

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Prepare for Landing: Tools for a More Realistic Transition Home From Treatment with Jen Murphy and Hilary Moses of Solutions Parenting Support

Thu, 15 Dec 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If your son or daughter has been to residential treatment or Wilderness Therapy, you may have considered asking (begging?) a staff member to come home with them to help with the transition.

Thankfully, I was able to sit down with two experts who specialize in supporting parents during this vulnerable time-Jen Murphy and Hilary Moses of Solutions Parenting Support.

You’ll hear why it can be easy to think “all is lost” when the tools you’ve gained during treatment feel challenging to implement in a new setting. You’ll discover why the “container” of treatment is so effective and how you can borrow from what worked well and embrace the bumpy ride to lasting change. Jen and Hilary also share about their new book, “HOME” which will be available in February 2023!

In this episode, you’ll learn

The different traps parents fall into when they’re preparing to lose the “container” of support like residential treatment or Wilderness Therapy
What to do when your child has zero positive influences back at home
How to be cautiously optimistic about your son or daughter and not encourage a performance mentality to gain trust
Why it’s important to consider when you need to be a parent versus when you need to be a mom or dad, and what the difference is

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Solutions Parenting Support
Sign up here to get pre-release book snippets and launch details

Coaching Episode: Tuning Into Your Values When Your Boundaries And Patience Are Challenged

Thu, 08 Dec 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you’ve been around here long, you know that nurturing the connection in your relationship with your son or daughter is the top priority as we support a path to recovery. But trying to stay level-headed when our kids are lying, pushing boundaries, or just deflecting and distracting from the issue at hand is challenging.

This week on the podcast, I have the honor of sitting down with Ellen, a mom, and member of The Stream Community. Her son is about to turn eighteen, has relapsed in the last few months, and has significant mental health challenges. Ellen shares her frustration with feeling a lack of respect from her son and is lacking confidence in her decision-making. Together, we explore how the exercise of beginning with a value can drive confidence and peace into the way she communicates and holds boundaries with her son in the future. There’s so much to relate to here, and I know you’ll find encouragement as you listen.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How the pandemic and a gap in resources and support continue to impact so many young people struggling with mental health
Why the stress of second-guessing your parenting decisions can impact other areas of your life
How to take a personal inventory of your values before establishing rules or expectations
The way Ellen holds to her values and embraces her son’s limitations at the same time
How even amid a hard season, Ellen is still finding creative and healthy ways to connect with her son

Letting Go of Expectations and Dealing with Grief When Your Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, with Cathy Cioth

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this episode with my right-hand woman, business partner, and all-around inspiring mom Cathy Cioth, we dive into the harsh reality that life with a child who's experimenting with or actively addicted to substances doesn't look like the pictures we had in mind when they were little.

As parents, we do a disservice to our kids when we intentionally or subconsciously layer expectations on them around who they should be, how they should be, what they should accomplish, and what we think they should want. We might project onto them things we experienced in our own family growing up, and Cathy and I dig into why it's sometimes easier to focus on our kids than on ourselves.

We share personal experiences from our family's journeys and, of course, go on a tangent or two along the way. We address the very real grief that comes with life looking far different than we'd anticipated and share insightful solutions for navigating it all.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 130: Nine things we never talk about when our kids misuse drugs or alcohol

We Have to Talk About It: Understanding the Link Between Mental Health, Substance Use and Suicide, with Anne Moss Rogers

Thu, 24 Nov 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
With well over a hundred episodes on Hopestream, I couldn’t believe we haven’t talked about the very common link between substance use and suicide rates. Since it was time, I’m honored to introduce you to mother, author, and mental health advocate, Anne Moss Rogers. She courageously shares her story of the loss of her son to suicide in hopes of spurring more honest conversations before it’s too late for other families.

While this is another topic that’s messy and difficult to navigate, Anne Moss reminds us that patience and curiosity are the best tools we have for exposing the root of our kids’ pain. You’ll also hear practical ways to recognize signs that your child needs to talk about suicide and ways to work through what can be an overwhelming fear.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why Anne Moss left a corporate career she was highly passionate about to pursue advocacy for suicide prevention full time
Whether talking about suicide plants seeds in a person’s mind about killing themselves
How her son Charles' battle with mental health showed up in the beginning and how it progressed
The connection between self-harming behavior and suicide ideation
How Anne Moss had to navigate her son’s immediate relapse after going to treatment
The red flags to look for if someone you love is contemplating suicide
What you can do if your son or daughter avoids engaging this topic with you

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Anne Moss Rodgers:
- The Emotionally Naked Speaker
- NAMI Virginia Board Member
- Blog: EmotionallyNaked.com
- Speaker Site: AnneMossRogers.com, My 6-minute TEDx
- Diary of a Broken Mind: A Mother's Story, A Son's Suicide and the Haunting Lyrics He Left Behind (book)
- Emotionally Naked. A Teacher’s Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk (book)
Free Tools: Free Self-Harm Safety Box
Crisis Text Line: 741-741
Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
Suicide Prevention: Website

Your Behavior Changes Your Kid's Drug Use, 4 Strategies to Use, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Today I dive into a key component of encouraging more positive behavior through the use of consequences. You probably already know consequences can be confusing and hard to get right when your child is misusing substances and struggles with mental health issues. They're sometimes hard to be consistent with, and often backfire.

Chapter 11 in the book Beyond Addiction is the base for the information shared in this episode and outlines four ways you can go about using consequences with your son or daughter - however, only three are recommended.

It's a snack-sized lesson on a really confusing topic, so lace up for a quick walk or hop in the car and listen in to get some practical strategies you can start using today.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Australian Dollar and British Pound payment accepted for membership: The Stream
Dina Cannizzaro on Hopestream episode 138

Coaching Episode: 17 Days Sober: Using CRAFT Skills to Help Mom Navigate Her Son’s First Unexpected Weekend Home From Treatment

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Friday, Saturday, Sunday. If you’re a parent of a child misusing drugs or alcohol, you know why these three days can send you into a tailspin. The free time and lack of structure mean our kids will likely find themselves in risky situations. In this coaching episode, I met with Marie- a Stream Member who booked this last-minute session with me on a Friday, which told me something was brewing.

Marie has a son who has experienced trauma and struggled with substances and has been attending a therapeutic boarding school. Yet, for many reasons, it wasn’t an ideal fit. Now he’s back at home, doing online school, and not in treatment, but 17 days sober. The bright spot in this story is that this mom and son are close, have good communication, and he’s expressed that he wants to stay sober. Listen as we explore how Marie can initiate some hard conversations to reduce her anxiety and increase the chance of her son choosing support and sobriety over the weekend.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How previous trauma can complicate recovery unexpectedly
Why we have to consistently affirm our kids even when we don’t love their behavior
How Marie is helping her son assess the risk factors associated with different friends and social scenarios
Why our kids need to know that we’re also learning and not confident, either
What Marie is learning about the impact of choosing self-care on this path

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream podcast episode using "SURF" communication skills: www.brendazane.com/hopestream/73

How Parents Can Create Conditions For Change Using Compassion and Self-Care When A Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, With Dina Cannizzaro

Thu, 03 Nov 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It’s tough to come to terms with how little control we have over whether our kids choose substances or healing and recovery. In this episode, you’ll get to hear from Dina Cannizzaro. She’s a mom who has been through hell and back but has channeled all that fear and anxiety into actionable steps toward relearning how to connect with her son and harness the surprising power of self-care.

Hear how far she and her son Parker have come now that he’s been in active recovery for six years. You’ll also hear how she had to repair relationships she let suffer (including her other children) as she became all-consumed in her fear and efforts to support her son.

You’ll be thrilled to know she will also be your guide through the Beyond Addiction Study Group, so be sure to sign up for that ASAP, as it starts November 7!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why Dina chose to push through her crippling fear of rock climbing
How she invested in the relationship with her son even when he wasn’t ready to be in contact
What anticipatory grief is and how it showed up in Dina’s life
What helped Dina realize she was just as sick as Parker but without the influence of substances
Why she won’t stop sharing her story with anyone who will listen

A Battle-Tested Dad Shares Why The Support of Other Men Is Critical, Not Optional, If Your Child Misuses Drugs or Alcohol With Bill Guy

Thu, 27 Oct 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It is an incredibly exciting week as we get to announce the opening of The Woods, our men’s community for those who identify as dads parenting teens who are struggling with substance misuse. I am honored to introduce you to Bill Guy, who is leading this new tribe of courageous men. He’s been in your shoes, and he tragically lost a son to an overdose. Bill discovered resources like CRAFT through the book Beyond Addiction and was blown away by the way it changed his relationship with his son, even in his last days.

While Bill continues to grieve the loss of his son, he has found an incredible sense of purpose empowering other parents to connect with their kids and help motivate them toward healthy change. Join us to hear his story which includes both heartbreak and healing and why he’s thrilled to host and support this private community for dads.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why motivation trumps manipulation when parents are trying to get their kids to accept help for substance misuse
How Bill describes the confusion and disappointment he felt watching his son struggle
The physical and emotional signs that inspired Bill to take his own health seriously
How Bill was able to stop blaming and controlling his son and have a relationship with him regardless of his drug use
Why men need other men in a safe community like The Woods

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Co-Author of Beyond Addiction Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D., Breaks Down How Parents Can Help Their Kids Positively Change Their Relationship With Drugs and Alcohol

Thu, 20 Oct 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Bribing. Shaming. Forcing. Manipulating. Yelling. These are just some of the approaches I tried while parenting my son who was struggling with a high-risk lifestyle and substance use. You likely have too. It took me a long time to accept that none of that was working.

But through the book Beyond Addiction, the CRAFT approach, and specifically The Invitation to Change, I discovered our kids’ behaviors make sense and substances work really well - until they don’t. This understanding shifted everything and I haven’t stopped talking about it since. I had one of the Beyond Addiction authors, Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D. on early in the podcast and I’ve invited her back to catch up post-pandemic and learn about a new companion workbook that’s just come out for parents.

Join us for this inspiring conversation as we unpack common stigmas around addiction, understand why using CRAFT and The Invitation To Change approach is not condoning substance use, and why staying curious and building connection is the key to motivating your child to make positive changes. I had a few lightbulb moments myself talking with Carrie and hearing her compassionate and practical approach to helping people change.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why compassion is crucial for navigating a post-pandemic world
How to respond when your child is ambivalent about substance use
Why self-awareness and self-compassion work comes first for parents
How to get a hesitant spouse, partner, or co-parent on board with CRAFT
That fear will be a consistent companion on this journey, but it doesn’t have to own you

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Community Required, Treatment Optional for Lasting Recovery; Finding Freedom and Joy in “Normal” with Jo Colette

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
On this road, we never can quite predict if or when our kids will decide to choose recovery for themselves. So if that moment feels miles away, or you’re just desperate to get a window into your child’s mindset, this story of recovery is absolutely for you.

In this episode, I’ve invited Jo Colette, a mother, wife, and brilliant tattoo artist to share her journey from addiction (including IV heroin) homelessness and violence to sobriety, and then active recovery.

You'll hear Jo describe the confusion of growing up in an emotionally unsafe home and her desperate struggle to find a place to belong. Her insights reinforce why drugs and alcohol are often a very practical solution for struggling teens without a lot of tools in their tool belt. She also shares the nightmare of her rock bottom, an insane hitch-hiking detox story, and how she began the real work of finding recovery.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why even experimenting with drugs can shine a light on suppressed pain
About Jo’s difficult transition moving from homeschool to a public high school
How easily she began to normalize a high-risk lifestyle
How Jo would describe the moment she was ready make a change
An important insight about the myth that people must go to formalized treatment to get sober and find recovery
What she’s savoring most in this season of her new life

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Authentic Adversity (husband Chris Howe’s) YouTube
Connect with Authentic Adversity on Instagram @authenticadversity
We Are Those People Instagram @wearethoseppl
Check out Jo’s Website

Coaching Episode: Finding Healthy Ways to Let Go of Expectations and Nagging While Affirming Your Child's Choices

Thu, 06 Oct 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
One of the hardest things to surrender in parenting is our own dreams for our kids and accepting what they’re choosing for their lives as they gain independence. In this very relatable coaching episode, Karolina shares how a combination of complex learning difficulties, feeling socially isolated, and the pandemic all created a perfect storm for her son to have escalating behavioral and substance use issues.

While Karolina’s son was able to attend wilderness therapy and residential treatment, you’ll hear how challenging it was to watch him choose to live on his own after receiving so much support from his family. Through our conversation, Karolina recognizes just how resourceful and determined her son is, and how her nagging tendency may be pushing him away rather than motivating him. I offer her a challenge to detach in a healthy way, avoid jumping to worst-case scenarios, and still leave the door open for her son to accept support on his terms.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Some early educational and social challenges that make children vulnerable to misusing drugs and alcohol
How Karolina and her husband had to make difficult concessions to stay in relationship with their son
Why we have to commit to recognizing and celebrating our kids’ strengths
How to tap into your child’s interests to foster deeper connection
Why we have to stay present and resist the need to “play out the movie” of our kids’ lives

Long Term Recovery Requires Discipline To Focus On The Present And Appreciate The Blessings It Brings, With Jeremy Melloul

Thu, 29 Sep 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this special episode, I’ve invited Jeremy Melloul, owner of MOLT Clothing company back on the show. Jeremy joined me on episode 90 to share his story of early exposure and addiction that very nearly took his life a few times and what intercepted that risky path for his life.

We covered so much ground in that episode that I thought it would be great to check-in with Jeremy and see how things are going. We talk about what recovery looks like on a daily basis, how he has to fight to overcome his desire to isolate, and the wisdom he’s gained along the road.

Additionally, we explore the impact of social media on the recovery journey and why choosing the slower fix is a process that requires a lot of self-compassion. Don’t forget to go check out wearmolt.com where you can buy the favorite guy in your life an incredible t-shirt or hoodie. The bonus? You can feel good knowing some of your money will go to support other individuals in their journey towards sobriety.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How recovery is an active life-long journey
Why Jeremy is doing the work of discovering his passions outside of business
What it takes to start choosing the “slower fix”
Why self-care means steering clear of social media for Jeremy
How MOLT Clothing is giving back to a sober-living scholarship with every purchase

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 90: from heroin needle to sewing needle, giving back through recovery with Jeremy Melloul
Check out the Store: www.wearmolt.com
Connect on Instagram: @wearmolt

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Four Key Insights From My Conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté and The Myth of Normal, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In a follow-up to episode 131 where I had a conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté about his new book, The Myth of Normal, I'm diving into four key insights I gleaned from the book and from our time together.

While there are many more, these four elements of Gabor's overall message in the book and his work as a whole stood out, and I felt it was important to share them with you. These insights are ones that parents with kids struggling with substance use will find especially relevant as they navigate the wild ride.

I share my thoughts on these key concepts from the book:

self-awareness and self-compassion
the link between stress and illness
authenticity, and
anger

If you haven't already, take a listen to episode 131, then this will be a perfect follow-up. Or, start here and get curious about the more profound conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté and queue up 131 next.

Dr. Gabor Maté on The Myth of Normal: Understanding the Roots of Your Kid's Struggles

Thu, 15 Sep 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Are you ready for a deeply personal and thought-provoking hour? Dr. Gabor Maté is well known for his unflinching look at childhood trauma and how it manifests in our lives, and he does not disappoint in this raw, honest, and candid conversation. I'm even the recipient of an impromptu therapy session looking at my parenting and childhood patterns, an essential piece of work to do when our kids and underlying family dynamics struggle.

Dr. Maté's newest book, The Myth of Normal, explores themes around our unmet needs, their relationship to pain, and how we adapt to that pain to survive. As parents, it can be uncomfortable looking at ourselves as we work to heal our families and understand our kids' pain and suffering. He also shares the proven connection between repressed emotions and chronic illnesses - and ways we can begin to heal - ourselves and our families.

We cover critical topics like;

caregiver stress,
the sensitive child,
parental guilt,
a new view of ADD, ADHD and ODD diagnosis.
generational trauma (which you might not even recognize as trauma),
women's role in society as "shock absorbers."
the incongruity of the "tough love" concept,
the need for a return to the communal approach to parenting,
and two vitally interconnected needs our kids have - attachment and authenticity
plus so much more

It’s a do-not-miss episode that may shed new light on some dark areas you’ve been pondering about yourself and your child who’s struggling.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Myth of Normal & all of Dr. Maté’s books
Book: It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Book: The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Some Children Struggle and How All Can Thrive
Hello Again Project with Daniel and Gabor Maté

Nine Things We Never Talk About (out loud) When Our Kids Misuse Drugs or Alcohol, With Cathy Cioth

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There are some thoughts, questions, and situations we face as parents of kids who are misusing substances that make us question our parenting, our sanity and even our humanity. Because these tricky topics don't often make it into the conversation, we're tackling them today as a way to air issues you may be wrestling with - but doing it in a safe, private place.

Cathy Cioth, my business partner and host of The Stream Community joins me as we talk about 9 complex topics including:

Should I be drinking or using any kind of substance myself when my child is struggling or in treatment?
Why do I not feel intimate or attractive, and am I supposed to be right now?
What does self-care actually look like because I can't imagine doing it
Am I a horrible person for thinking life might be better if my child wasn't around anymore?
I'm pretty sure my son or daughter will never speak to me, and we won't have a relationship if I impose treatment
Should I be getting a therapist too, or is it just my child who needs help?
What happens if I say, "I'm done. I can't do this anymore?"
It sucks to see my friends and family member's kids doing so well - I resent my child for what I'm going through and what I'm missing out on
Am I supposed to mortgage my house and empty my 401K to pay for treatment, and if I don't, am I a terrible parent?

Join us as we dive into the things we rarely talk about and gain some ideas and insights you can consider for your family's situation.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Her Lived Experience With Addiction Helped Create An Urban Model For Holistic, Community Based Young Adult Treatment, with The Dorm’s Amanda Fialk

Thu, 01 Sep 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

One of the biggest challenges young people who are misusing drugs and alcohol face is identifying the plan for transitioning back to the “real world” post-treatment. Young people can become vulnerable because they feel they don’t belong anywhere as they start to rebuild a new and different life that doesn’t involve substances. If they aren’t ready to hold down a job or enroll in college, where do they go? How do they spend their time without getting into trouble?

In this episode, I’m joined by Amanda Fialk, the Chief Clinical Officer of The Dorm, a safe place for young adults to find community and gain skills and tools to become independent as they seek to find their place in the world after treatment for substance use and mental health challenges. Amanda has worked hard to build in aspects of outpatient treatment that she saw were missing from her own experience.

The difference young people find at The Dorm is the holistic approach to support services and an urban, “real world” environment that still offers guidance and nurturing. Young adults receive access to long-term support as it relates to their clinical, academic, health and nutritional needs, just to name a few.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How a simple request from a staff member in her own treatment program changed the course of Amanda’s career
What prompted Amanda to leave law school and instead pursue advanced degrees in social work and mental health
What she believes makes traditional outpatient therapy programs ineffective for young adults
Why every family needs to agree on a discharge plan before a student leaves a program
Why it’s beneficial to not dive straight back into school, work, and other demands, and how parents can play a role in this important transition period
The difference between your child talking and the substances talking

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Check out The Dorm Website
The Dorm on LinkedIn
The Dorm on Instagram

Decades Of Addiction Leads To Decades Of Recovery; A More Holistic and Compassionate Treatment Approach, With Isaiah House Founder, Mark LaPalme

Thu, 25 Aug 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Have you ever followed someone and their work so closely that you feel like you’re friends, but you’ve actually never met? That would be the case with today’s guest. I’m finally sitting down with Mark LaPalme, founder of Isaiah House, who celebrates 23 years of sobriety and has been instrumental in helping thousands of people find recovery.

In addition to all the incredible recovery programs offered at Isaiah House, it is also host to an FDA trial for the NET device. If you’ve listened to any other episodes about this treatment option you’re going to share my excitement. The NET device has the potential to not only save many more lives, but if approved, will transform the entire world of drug rehab with its ability to reduce the detox process both in duration and side effects.

Listen to discover what pain led Mark to begin self-medicating at age 11, what kept him deeply addicted to both substances and the lifestyle that goes with it, and what support he found to leave that life behind. You’ll be blown away to hear about the comprehensive approach Isaiah House is using to empower people with tools they need to discover their purpose and transform their lives in recovery.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The seemingly harmless actions of Mark’s father that created deep emotional trauma
How key relationships enabled Mark’s drug use
About the mindset of a functioning user
Why the team at Isaiah House is committed to extended support for 11 months
What you can do when you feel powerless as a parent
How the NET device is changing everything we know about detox and recovery

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Isaiah House
Learn more about the NET Device and how to become part of the FDA trial.
Episode 83 with documentary director Norman Stone
Episode 86 with NET Recovery Corp’s Owen Fielding
Episode 113 - Clinging to Hope; An Epic Saga Of Addiction, Medical Innovation, Loss, Recovery, Hope, and Unconditional Love
Wayne State University article on NET trial
NET trial eligibility criteria

The Importance Of Digging Deep Into The “Why” When Your Child Is Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol, With Advocate Tonia Ahern

Thu, 18 Aug 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Have you ever felt overwhelmed when you realize just how many layers there are to the addiction that is derailing your son or daughter? When we get curious and focus on asking questions, it’s incredible what we can learn about our kids. For so many, an unrecognized mental health diagnosis is at the root of their pain and substance use.

My guest today is Tonia Ahern. She’s a mom who lost her son, Rory, to opioid addiction and now fights to change legislation to support prevention, evidence-based treatment practices, recovery support programs, and family support. Tonia is also a certified recovery and parent coach who emphasizes the CRAFT method in every aspect of her practice. Not only is she a knowledgeable resource, she’s also a mom who knows exactly what you’re likely walking through.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why Tonia would not encourage you to mortgage your house to pay for treatment as a first step
How to spot the signs of an underlying mental health struggle
How Tonia was able to connect deeply with her son in the midst of his addiction
How to find and navigate your state-sponsored treatment options
Practical ways you can help make resources for recovery available for the most vulnerable

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Partnership To End Addiction (website)
SAMHSA (website)

Don't Get Derailed by Change, Plan For It When You Have A Teen or Young Adult Child Who Struggles with Substances or Addiction, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 11 Aug 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If there is one thing you can count on when your child is misusing substances or struggling with addiction and the mental health issues that come with it - it's change. Change is a constant, and you can either have your world capsized by it, or you can be intentional about planning for it to lessen its impact on you and your family.

Based on lessons learned from my own experience and that of the hundreds of families I work with, this episode will help you prepare emotionally and practically when things go right and when things go wrong.

You'll gain valuable ways to team up with your co-parent, spouse or partner to shore up your relationship and also hear ten incredibly practical things you can do that will allow you to focus on your child and next steps when change happens rather than scouring for information, finding logins and chasing down people to help.

You'll also have a chance to spend one quiet minute gathering yourself and quieting your mind, an important part of approaching this challenging time in a more healthy way.

Coaching Episode: Responding to Disrespect, Holding Boundaries, and Reducing the Overwhelm of Big Next Steps

Thu, 04 Aug 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I joke that this club of mine (The Stream Community) is the club you never want to find yourself needing an invite to. But here we are, doing this messy, exhausting, and entirely meaningful work together. I am so grateful yet another one of these moms is sharing her story with you.

In this coaching episode, I am joined by Jamie, a long-time member of The Stream. She shares the impact of pre-term birth and how other learning and health challenges have complicated her son’s academic success, social life, and drug use. We discuss how her ex-husband’s own addiction has impacted her son and his attempts at sobriety. Additionally, she thoughtfully unpacks the difficulty (and gift) that being an empath can be for our kids.

If you’re struggling to find ways to support your child because of their extreme displays of disrespect, you’ll want to listen to take a lesson from Jamie’s book. She’s doing so many things well, and yet she’s aware of the boundaries she has to protect to save their relationship.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why kids who are empaths are vulnerable to addiction
Strategic ways to stay regulated when your son or daughter isn’t able to
Why being your child’s ‘safe person is a double-edged sword
What incredible wins Jamie has been witnessing in her son
Why “projecting positive” impacts everyone in the picture

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Outward Bound Intercept (website)
Have You Filled a Bucket Today? (book)

Creating Impact From Tragedy with MAPDA’s Janet Janes

Thu, 28 Jul 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Mamas are so fierce. They are incredible protectors- and not just of their own children, but of the whole village. My guest today is Janet Janes, is a warrior mama and founder of MAPDA (Mothers Against Prescription Drug Abuse). She is bravely telling the story of the loss of her son to one methadone pill in hopes of saving others from this unimaginable loss.

Every five minutes, someone dies of a drug overdose. What’s worse is that this tragedy is entirely preventable. But as a society, we’re so unaware of how powerful these drugs are. While she is proud to advocate for this cause, Janet shares how intentional she has to be about self-care to prevent burnout as she tells her story again and again.

We also talk about how grief can absolutely undo us and make us strangers to ourselves. This episode is a reminder that when we have the courage to deal with the shame of finding ourselves here, there is help and hope waiting for us- and our children. Be sure to share this episode and what you learn with someone you love.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How Janet was able to turn her pain into action
Why we’re going numb to the rampant use of prescription drug abuse
Some of the bright spots of the work Janet is doing
Why we don’t have time to worry about having uncomfortable conversations with our kids
What Janet is learning about herself in this stage of her healing

EPISODE RESOURCES:

MAPDA: Mothers Against Prescription Drug Abuse (Website)

Three Keys To A Positive Approach For Parenting A Child Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol; with Brenda Zane

Thu, 21 Jul 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Research has shown that a positive, non-confrontational approach to helping our kids make positive changes in their lives is the most effective when they’re misusing substances. In this episode, I share three keys to shifting your words, actions, and mindset in a more positive direction using courage, confidence, and compassion.

After listening to this episode you'll walk away with:

an understanding of what motivates a young person to change their substance use and what doesn't
why courage is an inside job and how to boost yours
how we can increase our confidence even when we're living in a foreign world filled with stigma
why parenting from a place of compassion is important if we want our kids to make healthier decisions
a solution for the times when you bomb your parenting attempt that models good behavior to your child
a positive-parenting tip you can use today with your son or daughter who's misusing drugs or alcohol, no practice required.

Coaching Episode: Creative Options to Reduce Anxiety and Build Confidence & Independence Post-High School and Residential Treatment

Thu, 14 Jul 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There are many stages of recovery, but one of the hardest to prepare for is when your child transitions home after treatment. Then factor in your semi-recovering child becoming a legal adult (but still needs support,) COVID, bullying, an eating disorder, and insincere friends and you’ve got a perfect storm of challenges.

This is exactly the season Lynn, a member of the Stream Community, shares in this coaching episode. You’ll be blown away by how intentional and involved Lynn has been at every turn of this confusing journey. But as you’ll hear from our conversation, the decision to heal is still ultimately up to our kids, especially as they become young adults.

Listen as we explore several options for Lynn to offer her son as they establish new rhythms in their family post-residential treatment and high-school graduation. We also take some time to get specific about what self-care looks like for Lynn.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why there are often so many layers to the pain our kids face
About the moment Lynn realized that her parenting toolbox was empty
How COVID created a huge gap in therapeutic support
Why prioritizing fun is important when establishing new family expectations
How Lynn identifies what self-care looks like for her in this transition

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Parenting in the Real World: 5 Moms Share The Key Lessons Learned From Parenting Kids Who Are Misusing Drugs & Alcohol

Thu, 07 Jul 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
No matter where you are on the journey with a child misusing substances, chances are you've faced two very dangerous lies:

1. that you've failed as a parent, and/or
2. that you're alone in the fight for your child

In this week's Hopestream episode, I have the honor of introducing you to five incredible women who, together in The Stream Community, have faced these lies and additional terrifying moments in parenting. They were generous enough to tell their stories which are all individually unique, and yet they're all known and understood by one another. These moms also share their biggest ah-ha moments with you, which you won't want to miss.

The Stream is a private online community I created where we help moms connect with each other. We help you gain knowledge about how to have better communication and relationships with your kids and help you get as healthy as possible. It’s specifically for moms of kids who are misusing substances, in treatment, or working toward recovery.

If you are encouraged by these brave women and their honesty, I invite you to join us. The first two weeks are always free. We’re saving a spot for you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why it’s critical to stay present in your journey-even taking it hour by hour
How these women are discovering how to become experts in self-compassion
What is in your control vs. what is not in this battle
Why The Stream Community has helped these moms find the balance between denial and too much positivity
What an impact approaching their kids with empathy and understanding has had on their relationships

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Coaching Episode with Cheryl
Episode #92: Fentanyl Awareness Episode in Honor of Graham
Beyond Addiction (Book)
Introduction to the Parent's Guide - The 20-Minute Guide
Partnership to End Addiction (free parent coaching, helpline, support groups and content for parents)

A Better Way to Parent a Child Struggling With Substance Use or Addiction: The Compassion Antidote, With Cathy Taughinbaugh

Thu, 30 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
“It’s not mine. I’m just carrying it for a friend.” Have you heard this one before? As many times as that line has been used, it’s still a really common cover in the moment we confront our kids.

Yet, sometimes our kids are really good at hiding their substance use or addiction because the signs are actually not obvious. It’s shocking and confusing when our incredible, thoughtful, and high-achieving kids are battling something so dangerous.

In this episode, I’m joined by author, and certified parent and life coach, Cathy Taughinbaugh. Cathy is a Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) trained coach through the Center for Motivation and Change and a parent coach with the Partnership to End Addiction.

Cathy is an expert in helping parents connect with their kids through an approach that is driven by compassion and positivity which she shares in her book. If you’re tired of blaming, shaming, and lashing out in response to your child’s addiction, this conversation is going to encourage you and remind you that there is another way to address the problems and the pain.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The most common mistakes parents make in setting boundaries with their kids
What the CRAFT approach is and why it’s statistically proven to be more effective to guide kids toward the path of recovery
Many of the reasons why your child’s addiction is actually NOT your fault
Why becoming an expert in self-care will always be the biggest gift to your child
Why your silver lining will almost always begin with connection
How focusing on your child’s strengths is powerful and not “going soft” or naive

EPISODE RESOURCES:

3 Ideas For Combating Parenting Burnout And Empathy Fatigue When Your Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 23 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Getting real this week about the mental and physical burnout and empathy fatigue we can feel as parents when we're trying our hardest with our kids who are struggling with substance use. It's not often talked about but it's real, so we'll dive into what it can feel like and 3 things you can start doing today to turn it around.

You'll also hear a secret tip about taking care of yourself that might just help when you're tempted to put yourself last. It's a snack-sized episode that will help if you're running on empty and need to start feeling better but aren't sure where to start.

Insights, Wisdom And Coping Strategies For Parents Of Kids Struggling With Substance Use From A Mom Who's Been There, Twice, With Cathy Cioth, Director of The Stream Community

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
How does a parent cope when you have not one, but two kids struggling with substance misuse and all the issues that surround it? This episode provides inspiration and hope if you're trying to navigate this experience with your child from a mom who watched her family implode when her 17 and 19-year-old kids simultaneously spiraled out of control with drugs and alcohol.

Cathy Cioth has seen the world of adolescent and young adult substance use from all angles and shares openly in this conversation about her family's journey which included wilderness therapy, 'gooning', an unwelcomed intervention, and lots of coping skills.
Cathy is now the Community Director for The Stream and supports hundreds of parents as they work to get and stay healthier through this challenging season of life.

Listen in to hear:

how Cathy and her husband became aware that both of their kids were struggling with drugs and alcohol
the differences between their kid's journey to and through treatment
how Cathy and her husband decided on wilderness therapy for their treatment-resistant daughter, and how they got her there
what it was like to have an intervention with their 19-year-old college student and how it went
what tools Cathy used to stay sane when both of her kids were struggling and then in treatment at the same time
Cathy's path to finding The Stream and what it provided her as a member
Cathy's role now as Director of the community
Her words of wisdom for any parent currently at the end of their rope
And much more

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Help People Change (book)
The Partnership to End Addiction (free parent coaching, helpline, support groups and content for parents)
The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving The Heart of Conflict
Leadership and Self Deception
Rebekah Tayebi

Coaching episode: Navigating Life Post-Treatment: Boundaries With A College Age Son, Lots Of Advice And Re-Focusing On Self Care

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
This coaching episode covers a lot of ground with a mom who is doing so much right, yet she questions her actions due to lots of advice from others, her mom-intuition and the heightened sense of urgency from her nephew's recent fatal fentanyl poisoning.

This mom and member of The Stream Community is co-parenting her college-age son with her ex-husband and while they're not in total alignment with each other their son seems to be doing "ok" at the time. But because she knows he's using substances while he's away at college, she wonders what to do.

Listen in to hear how:

after going to wilderness therapy and boarding school, her son is still misusing substances
she's learned to set and communicate her boundaries when her son comes home from college
mom wonders if she should be more forceful - or back off - about her son getting therapy or more treatment
her son isn't experiencing too many negative consequences, so what can she do?
parents who have already paid a lot for treatment can maximize their investment
we talk about what happens if her son violates her boundaries, but she still wants to spend time with him
mom has a goal of getting over her night terrors
the loss of her nephew to a fentanyl poisoning is impacting her decisions

A Harm Reduction Approach To Risky Behavior In Teens And Young Adults, With Dee Dee Stout

Thu, 02 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When your son or daughter refuses or can't seem to embrace abstinence, what do you do? Harm reduction is an approach that can help navigate your child to safer territory and...it's confusing .

Dee Dee Stout is someone Psychology Today includes in their list of "the top 10 harm reduction names you should know" so I was thrilled she agreed to come back for a second episode of Hopestream.

We dove into:

what harm reduction is and isn't,
how we can strengthen relationships with our kids when they're misusing substances,
how to have better conversations,
how to improve our family dynamics,
lapses and the dreaded pre-lapse
AA's stance on medication for addiction treatment (MAT)
and her answer to a common question parents have, " when does harm reduction become enabling with my child?"

It's a hugely informative episode with one of the foremost leaders in the field of harm reduction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Help People Change (book)

Watch Out For The Near Enemies of Love and Compassion, And A Tip To Thrive Through The Difficult Graduation Season, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 26 May 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The concept of near enemies is helpful to understand when you’re working to parent from an intentional place and avoid unhealthy patterns with your son or daughter. In this episode, you’ll learn what a near enemy is and hear two common ones that show up when parenting a child with substance use issues. You'll discover why these sneaky and sometimes damaging emotional responses can work their way into your relationships without you even knowing, and a simple test and solution you can start using today.

I then provide a tried and true tip for getting through graduation season without losing your mind and offer two ways you can make it to July with your emotions intact and be even healthier and happier than you were in May. It's a snack-sized, actionable episode that's perfect for an early summer dog walk or quick errand run.

Loss, Love, and a Daughter Who Made It Back, with Pattie and Bekah

Thu, 19 May 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Sometimes, there's a story so unbelievable it's hard to know where to start when telling it. This is one of those. My guests are mother (Pattie Vargas) and daughter (Rebekah Mutch), and they trusted me with sharing their family's journey to hell plus the miraculous twist that no one saw coming.

Intertwined with their family's dark tour through decades of addiction is the little-known story of a 50-year-old medical breakthrough that's saved rockstars like Eric Clapton and Keith Richards from their drug addictions. Adding to the storyline, you'll hear how my own son's struggle with substances and the forced isolation of early COVID led to the unlikely convergence of us all.

It's a binge-worthy episode that merits its own NETFLIX series. You'll come away awestruck by the determination of a Scottish surgeon, the power of a mother's fierce love, the human ability to triumph over addiction, and the realization that parents should never stop clinging to hope.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

NET Trial at Isaiah House
NET Trial Article
NIH National Library of Medicine Clinical trial listing
NET Research Study brochure (download here)
Hopestream episodes 83 and 86
The Final Fix documentary info

__________________________________________

Answers To Common CRAFT Questions Parents Have When Their Child Is Struggling With Addiction or Experimenting With Drugs, With Erica Lubetkin, LMHC

Thu, 12 May 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) is an evidence-based approach to motivating and inviting someone to make changes in their behavior. It's proven to be an effective way for parents to help their kids who are misusing drugs or alcohol, and is easily accessible to learn and put into practice.

In this episode, I invited CRAFT-certified therapist Erica Lubetkin, LMHC to join me to answer common questions parents have about using CRAFT in the real world. Erica was my guest on episode 96 talking about relapse, and I knew she was the perfect person to dive into the more nuanced details of this parenting approach.

We covered important topics like:

ideas for parents when you see a pre-lapse
sober music festivals
what to do when your child just won't talk or engage with you
how to use CRAFT when your child doesn't live with or near you
tips when your child doesn't see that their substance use is a problem
ideas for using pop-culture trends like "hangxiety" as a connection point
thoughts on being a safe space and also giving consequences
what are motivational hooks & windows of opportunity?
what you can do when you're not on the same page as the person you're co-parenting with
the CRAFT skill Erica sees parents have the hardest time with
and other fun things

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode 96 with Erica speaking about how to use a CRAFT-informed response to relapse
We The Village
Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Help People Change (book)

With An Almost 18-Year-Old Who's Smoking Pot Daily, Mom Wants to Know, Am I Doing Enough?

Thu, 05 May 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a question asked by so many parents, "Am I doing enough?"

In this coaching episode Susan shares how her almost 18-year-old son isn't in legal trouble, is doing fairly well in school, works, and also smokes pot daily, which has her worried. She wonders if she'll regret it down the road if she doesn't engage him in formal treatment before he turns 18.

It's a story many can relate to, knowing your son or daughter could be worse, and at the same time knowing they could be better. Susan talks about what she believes led to her son's substance use, including a divorce from her husband who was dealing with his own addiction.

She works on getting clear about what she most fears, and what she can and can't live with related to her son's substance use. We brainstorm communication tactics that might allow Susan and her son to have more real conversations and talk about the possibilities of more serious drug use.

I can't thank Susan enough for her vulnerability in allowing her coaching session to be used as a way to help other parents in the struggle.

What Parents Need to Know About Trauma Informed and Responsive Transport and Interventions, with Heather Hayes

Thu, 28 Apr 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You've likely seen the A&E show "Intervention" where families work with a professional team to encourage a loved one to go to drug or alcohol treatment, and wondered how much of that is reality vs. Hollywood show. In this episode, you'll hear from someone who's been an interventionist on the show, is a Master's Level Licensed Counselor, Board Certified Interventionist (CIP) and Certified Arise Interventionist. She brings 40 years of experience in the field of addiction and mental health to this very important conversation.

This episode will be helpful if you've questioned what it could be like to take the step of an intervention or of hiring someone to transport your son or daughter to treatment. It's a daunting and scary consideration for most parents and understandably so.

My guest today is Heather Hayes, who has developed the Respectful Adolescent Transport Protocol and Trauma-Informed Responsive Intervention which is used with the families she engages with. We dove deep into topics like;

whether treatment needs to be voluntary to be effective,
Heather's own substance use, treatment and recovery journey,
why don't we have addiction drills and education like we do for fire, earthquakes or active shooters when it's more likely to kill our kids
the average age of first substance use and why that's important
the state of treatment today for teens and young people
what can trauma-informed and responsive adolescent transport look like?
external vs self-traumatization
family involvement in the intervention or transport process
what parents can do if they suspect drug use to help inform their decisions
things parents can and should do (and not do) if you're considering treatment for a teen or college-age child
what actions support your child's health vs contributing to their demise
why she prefers to think about fierce protection vs parental denial
why she believes it's important for parents to step out of their comfort zone when it comes to treatment
the unique aspect of substance use and addiction that's more hopeful than any other disease
and so much more

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr. Anna Lembke, Author Of Dopamine Nation On Addiction, The Pain/Pleasure Balance And A Counterintuitive, Drug-Free Way To Find Homeostasis

Thu, 21 Apr 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've ever wondered what dopamine has to do with the way we interact with decision making, pain-relief, pleasure-seeking, addiction and basic human functioning, you're going to want to tune into this episode. I got to sit down with Dr. Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation; Finding Balance In The Age of Indulgence, to talk about all of this and more.

Dopamine Nation is a fantastic read if you want to understand more about the science of the brain, addiction, and why we (and our kids) do the things we do.⁠ But we cover more than just dopamine, we also talked about the endless pursuit of instant pleasure our society has adopted and why that's so dangerous - especially for young brains.⁠

Finding Ways To Reduce Your Suffering When Parenting A Child Misusing or Addicted to Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 14 Apr 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The emotional distress a parent feels when their child is struggling with or addicted to drugs or alcohol is incomprehensible to the average person. It can begin to debilitate you in ways that impact your day-to-day ability to cope, your health, career, friendships, and family relationships.

Through the lens of the second arrow principal, I share ways that parents can minimize their suffering, anxiety, emotional anguish and isolation while their child is actively engaged in misusing substances, or in the early and sometimes fragile days of recovery.

I share a recent experience where I used some emotional self-regulation tools to dodge the second arrow coming my way and give you 10+ simple and practical ideas for reducing your suffering.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode: #77 on self-compassion
Book: Beyond Addiction - How Science and Kindness Help People Change (Foote, Wilkens)

Surviving The Perfect Storm Of Challenging Kids, Aging And Menopause; This One's For The Mommas, with Dr. Robin Sinclair, ND

Thu, 07 Apr 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a cruel twist that just as we moms enter the perimenopause and menopausal phase of life, our kids are at the age when they may be experimenting with or addicted to drugs or alcohol. This combo is the perfect storm of hormones, uncertainty and emotions, and we're often not well equipped to manage it well.

I reached out to my incredible doctor to chat about all things hormones, aging, sleep, digestion, and of course, menopause. But this episode isn't just for the "old ladies" because as you'll hear from Dr. Robin, chronic stress can cause an early onset (30's and 40's!) of menopause and all its fun symptoms.

You'll want to dive into this important episode if you're struggling with weight gain, loss of sleep, brain fog, emotional roller coasters, night sweats, hot flashes - all.the.fun. It's an episode just for the ladies, although men might get a valuable peek into the very real challenges we face during this time in life.

Teasing Apart The Complexities Of Gender Identity, Neurodiversity, Substance Use And Mental Health In Young People, With Sean Garcia

Thu, 31 Mar 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If there's a perfect storm of complexity and confusion for parents of adolescents and young adults it's the intersection of a mental health condition, neurodiversity, substance use and gender identity. It's overwhelming to know which aspect of these to address first, or do you address them all at once?

Sean Garcia is a licensed therapist in Northern California and is one of a handful of trans-identified clinicians in Silicon Valley. He is extremely passionate about supporting transgender people and their families and we dove deep into how he does that, in particular with young people.

Sean shares his own experience of coming out to his family and painfully delayed transition, which caused him to spend many years chronically ill, and overachieving in order to validate to the world that he was "ok."

In this episode, you'll hear so much that will help if you're the parent of a young person struggling with any, or all of these life challenges including:

the extra challenges of neurodiverse individuals when it comes to gender identity
Sean's challenge to parents who believe their child's sexual or gender identity is a trend and the popular thing right now
how he decides what issue to explore first in therapy when there are multiple factors involved
how a parent's fear often matches a teen's fears around sexual identity, and that they have their own coming out experience
common mistakes or missteps parents make that can negatively impact their LGBTQ kids
one simple question parents can ask their children as they explore their gender and/or sexual identity
risk factors parents might not think about when they have a neuro-diverse child with gender identity struggles and/or substance use and mental health issues
the first things to do, and not to do, when your child comes out (A-T-A)
what an affirming home environment might look like
and tons more

This is a do-not-miss episode for parents of these complex kids, and will give you actionable ideas of how to help your son or daughter regardless of their current struggles.

9 Thinking Traps Parents of Struggling Kids Can Break Today, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 24 Mar 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Oh, the places we go in our minds and thoughts when we have a child struggling with substances and mental health. I've been there and know many parents struggle with not letting their thoughts paralyze them in the day-to-day ups and downs they experience.

In this episode I cover nine of the most common unhelpful and unhealthy thinking patterns parents fall into and talk about ways to shift those to a more productive place. If you tend to catastrophize, judge, doubt, criticize or ruminate about your life or your child's life, this is your episode. You'll walk away being more aware of how to recognize these unhealthy patterns and learn ways to change your thinking.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

NET Treatment FDA Clinical Trials: call Isaiah House: 859 - 375 - 9200
NET Hopestream episodes: #83, #86
The Final Fix documentary website (film about NET)
NET Article
Taming Your Gremlin book
Draw Out Your Gremlin worksheet exercise (download here)
Recovery stories on Hopestream: episodes #90, #76, and #48
EMDR therapy information and EMDR therapist locator

Coaching Episode: How To Cope And Find Contentment With A Son Home From Treatment, Unmotivated, Anti-Everything, And Disconnected From The Family

Thu, 17 Mar 2022 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this coaching episode, you'll hear the frustration, confusion and sadness a mom experiences when her 16-year-old son returns from wilderness and residential treatment only to hate where he lives, return to smoking pot, barely makes an effort at school, and doesn't want to be part of the family. On the other hand, he's independent, has a job, accepts natural consequences, and is very resourceful.

Jane is trying to find the right balance of stepping in and stepping back, and truly wants to find peace and contentment. She struggles to know where she should intervene with her son's school, how to set and hold firm boundaries and desperately would like the family unit to be more cohesive than it currently is.

Listen in to hear the real, day-to-day struggle parents often face when their son or daughter returns from treatment and has to re-enter life under a whole new set of circumstances.

What Parents Need To Know About Substance Use and Trauma; What It Is And Isn't, And Why We Can't Ignore It, With Steve Sawyer

Thu, 10 Mar 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Just hearing the word "trauma" can cause a parent's stomach to turn in knots and create feelings of guilt and regret. We believe we should be able to spare our kids from trauma and might push this aspect aside when seeking solutions or resources.

Steve Sawyer is an expert in trauma and adolescents and joined me for a deeply educational and enlightening conversation around trauma, and why as parents, we need to understand it better.

Steve helps by answering questions like, "if my kids were all raised in the same environment, why is only one using drugs?" Or, "if my child has experienced trauma, won't sending them to wilderness therapy or treatment cause even more damage?" Or, "My child has had a wonderful, trauma-free life, I don't think trauma is an issue."

In this episode, you'll learn:

what trauma is, and isn't
one of the most commonly missed causes of trauma in young people
why adolescents often turn to substances in the wake of untreated trauma
how trauma impacts a young person's brain differently than an adult
the 6 types of nervous system dysregulation
why trauma-informed doesn't mean trauma-responsive
how trauma-informed care is changing in the field of wilderness therapy
new, more trauma-sensitive models for transporting kids to wilderness
the role of powerlessness and aloneness in young people
caregiver responsiveness and the impact it has relative to trauma
the difference between developmental trauma and PTSD
a simple project parents can do to assess the need for out of home therapy and transport

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Video: New Visions Wilderness Hosts Dr. Gabor Mate
New Visions Wilderness - monthly conversation with Steve on Facebook
Book: The Body Keeps The Score (van der Kolk)
Instagram: @traumatransformations
Book: The Myth of Normal, Gabor Mate
Book: The Body Says No, The Cost of Hidden Stress, Gabor Mate
Brainspot

Using Rituals To Withstand Distress, Build Resilience And Counteract Triggers When Your Child is Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol (and a little pep talk) with Brenda Zane

Thu, 03 Mar 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There's never a shortage of discomfort, distress, or triggers when you have a son or daughter who's misusing drugs or alcohol. You can live in a constant state of unrest and feel as if you have no control over anything.

Taking a bit of inspiration from a Peloton instructor during my ride the other day, I share in this episode how parents can use simple rituals to withstand the varying levels of chaos, unpredictability, and frequent triggers in their day-to-day lives.

I also distinguish the difference between a ritual and a habit, and why that's important when you're looking to calm your nervous system. You'll walk away with ideas of rituals that you can use or modify so you get immediate impact from the episode.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode 100

Staying Hopeful When Your Kid Won't Quit Using Substances: Coaching Episode with Brenda Zane

Thu, 24 Feb 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When you're the mom of a teen who's been struggling with addiction for years it can be easy to get discouraged and frustrated. It's hard to understand why it happens to your family, difficult to watch other people's kids do well, and you wonder what's the right next thing to do.

In this coaching/inspiration episode, you'll meet Cielo, a mom who's been through an unimaginable struggle with her son and who has one of the most positive and resilient spirits I've ever seen. Cielo is a member of The Stream who always brings a smile and sense of hope and strength to our events and calls.

You'll hear how she's navigated her son's addiction to opiates while raising two other kids, maintaining her marriage oh, and holding down two jobs. It's an episode that will lift you up if you're feeling like you can't keep going and was an absolute pleasure to record with this incredible woman.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome information PDF (download)

Truly Conscious Parenting, What It Means To Do Your Work and The Question He Never Gets Asked, with Dr. Brad Reedy

Thu, 17 Feb 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dr. Brad Reedy is a household name in the world of adolescent mental health and substance use treatment, is founder of a well-respected wilderness therapy program, Evoke, author of two books on parenting, and podcast host of over 450 episodes of Finding You, so sitting down and chatting was quite an honor.

Dr. Reedy and I talked about a wide range of topics mostly focused on a parent's way of being and how he helps parents in their search for being better for their kids. We talked about:

why he doesn't prescribe actions for parents to take with their kids,
what healthy attachment actually is,
the backstory on why he chose to become a therapist and work with young people,
the question parents never ask him,
the interesting advice he most often receives from people,
how he can tell when a parent starts to "get it" and are on the path to more conscious parenting
a lightbulb moment he had with his therapist
what it means for parents to "do their work"
and his thoughts on the long-term impact of COVID on our kids

It's a very special episode with a very special guest!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

After 99 Episodes Here's What I Know For Sure About Parenting Kids With Substance Use and Addiction Issues, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 10 Feb 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In the past 2 years, I've had the privilege of speaking with over 50 of the top experts in the fields of psychology, addiction, adolescents, parenting, and specific treatment modalities. I've asked the hard questions, listened with curiosity, and dug deep to find the right people to help parents who have a child experimenting with or addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Through the 99 episodes I've created since January of 2020, there are 11 insights and truths that have risen to the top over and over - transformational findings I believe to be instrumental in helping you as a parent of one of these special kids, and in helping your child as well.

In this episode, I share those 11 key observations and resources for learning more about them. You'll find a downloadable PDF with each insight and the resources linked at www.brendazane.com/100.

Reframing the ADHD Diagnosis and Understanding Why People Self-Medicate with Marijuana, with Dr. Ned Hallowell

Thu, 03 Feb 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you have a son or daughter with ADD or ADHD you already know the struggle...especially if it's not officially diagnosed and you're floundering with the very real symptoms. You probably also know about self-medicating with marijuana and the slippery slope that follows.

Dr. Ned Hallowell, prolific author (most recently ADHD 2.0) and renowned ADD specialist joined me for this highly informative conversation all about teens and young adults, ADD, and why it's vital to get the right treatment.

We covered a lot of ground including:

his rule for parents about worrying
why Dr. Hallowell focuses on turning ADHD symptoms on their head
famous people with ADD
the challenge of the "moral diagnosis"
why he recommends medication as the #1 way to help avoid substance use in a young person with ADD,
AND what must be combined with the meds for successful treatment
why he's writing his 21st book
common issues people with ADD share
the importance of the right school
and tons more

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dr. Ned Hallowell

Coaching Episode #3: Finding Points of Control When Life Feels Chaotic; Post-Residential Struggle, Marijuana Use, Mental Health Concerns And A Very Tired Mom

Thu, 27 Jan 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Our coaching episodes are always hugely popular and today you'll get to hear how Mandy is dealing with a high-risk teenager who's been to residential treatment and is now home, returning to old habits (marijuana) and friends, and is newly on probation...⁠
⁠
Plus she works for the city she lives in, so from the police chief to the judge who sentenced her son, all eyes are on her.⁠ Oh, and on top of that, she has two other sons and a husband, all of whom need her time and attention. Add in COVID and a few other obstacles and you can start to understand the difficult place she's in.⁠

Mandy shares:

how she's getting over the "denial" phase about her son's behavior and conduct⁠
her son's mental health diagnosis, ⁠
why she and her husband decided against the advice of therapists to bring their son home from residential treatment, and how that's working out⁠
how this experience has impacted her marriage⁠
why she's trying not to "fix" or rescue her son anymore⁠
how she's able to find self-compassion⁠
why she's worried about her son's brain health⁠
and where she'd like to be in 6 months

Micro-Dosing Positivity And Eliciting Change Talk With Your Child Who's Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol

Thu, 20 Jan 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this quick, solo episode I share two important concepts that will help as you work to find ways to communicate with a child who's misusing drugs or alcohol.

Finding positivity and giving your son or daughter positive reinforcement can be difficult when things are chaotic and life feels out of your control. I share a concept called micro-dosing positivity which can work regardless of where your child is in their substance use.

I then share the importance of listening for change talk, which is a term used in Motivational Interviewing and can be incredibly powerful if you know how to use it. I share ways you can elicit this kind of dialog to invite your son or daughter to change their behavior.

It's a short, snack-sized episode and will add a few more tools to your parenting toolbox.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Change Talk Cheat Sheet - click to download (phone size) ➡ page one, page two

Using a CRAFT Informed Response When Your Child Has A Relapse With Drugs or Alcohol, with Erica Lubetkin, LMHC, NCC

Thu, 13 Jan 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Erica Lubetkin is a therapist who is certified in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) and shares her insights and ideas on how parents can be better equipped to deal with a lapse or full relapse with their teen or young adult child.

We discuss a range of topics, including:

What exactly is CRAFT and what's different about a CRAFT vs traditional approach?
How do you use CRAFT with someone who's struggling with substances?
The painful reality of relapse and what a CRAFT response looks like
Relapse prevention plans, what they are and how they can be used but parents as well as the young person who's struggling
How can you respond when you learn about a relapse without causing drama and defensiveness?
What does self-care have to do with navigating a relapse?
Dealing with "waiting for the other shoe to drop" syndrome - tips and tricks for when they're doing ok but you're not
and more great stuff

This informative and practical episode will give you ideas and tips to try immediately if you're in the moment and ways to plan to be proactive while your child is doing well.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

For The Dads: Your Presence, Experience, And Actions Matter When Your Child Is Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol, with Andy Goldstrom

Thu, 06 Jan 2022 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Calling all the dads…this one’s for you. Dads go through their own unique challenges when their son or daughter is struggling with mental health and substance misuse, and I had the chance to talk all about it with experienced dad turned parent coach, Andy Goldstrom.

You'll hear how Andy navigated a busy career and his marriage while working to find help and resources for his daughter who was misusing substances. It's a great episode to share with the man in your life who may be feeling unsure and under-supported with what he's going through.

We talk about how traditional men and women's roles can hinder the process of helping a child, how guys might approach the problem differently than their female counterpart and Andy's advice for any dad who's in the thick of it right now.

Andy was honest and vulnerable in our conversation - a trait he says doesn't necessarily come easy to guys when their child is hurting. It's a must-listen and must-share episode.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Andy Goldstrom, Parent's Journey Coaching

Golden Nuggets from 2021: The Best of The Episodes You Need To Hear if Your Child Struggles With Substance Use or Addiction

Thu, 30 Dec 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a wrap! 2021 held so many amazing things, and frustrating things (aka COVID) so to send the year out with a bang, I gathered up some of the most downloaded episodes of Hopestream and have put together a compilation for you.

These 10 episode snippets will give you a good foundation for themes of 2021 and will probably pique your interest to learn more by listening to the whole episode. Here's the incredible line-up of folks you'll hear from:

Dr. Nzinga Harrison: Episode 46 on the realities of marijuana and how to have a real conversation with your kids about it
Dee Dee Stout: Episode 65 on harm reduction and CRAFT (plus a role-play!) (explicit)
Owen Fielding: Episode 86 the NET device that's getting people off substances without cravings or withdrawal
Wes Robbins, Eternal Strength Therapeutic Youth Center: Episode 69 on a parent's work (explicit)
Derek Bowles, Crossroads Academy: Episode 72 on what kids really want, and a perspective on fentanyl
Dr. Mark McConville: Episode 51 on parenting young adults and teens when they're stuck or refusing to grow up
Rebekah Tayebi: Episode 63 on resilience and the parent's role when your child goes to treatment
Brenda Zane: Episode 58 on two of the four counterintuitive things you can do when you're overwhelmed by your child's substance use and mental health issues
Denise Pope, Ph.D.: Episode 75 on the dangers of having a stressed-out teen or young adult child and things you can do to help
Dr. Nicole Kosanke & Krissy Pozatek: Episode 55 on how to help your other kids when one is misusing drugs or alcohol

Four Common Beliefs Parents Have About Fentanyl That Put Their Teens and Young Adults At Risk For Overdose

Thu, 23 Dec 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you only listen to one podcast episode between now and 2022 make it this one. Parents are often in the dark about the very real, present, and lurking killer that's right in their kid's backpack or coat pocket. Pills labeled Oxy, Percocet, or Xanax, but which are illegal fentanyl, in doses high enough to kill several people.

In this extremely important episode I cover what's actually going on with fentanyl and the impact it's having on people under the age of 30. I talk about the four very common beliefs parents have about this substance and why that could be the very thing that ends their child's life.

I do not hold back, I can't - because we're losing too many precious lives every day - over 275 a day to be exact. Please listen and share as widely as possible, someone may act on the information and save someone they love from dying of unintended fentanyl poisoning.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Facts about fentanyl (DEA)
Teens under-report their substance use (NIH report)
Article: Shipping to the U.S. (how fentanyl gets moved around the world)
DEA Seizes Enough Fentanyl in 2021 to Provide A Lethal Dose to Every American (press release from DEA)
Myths about fentanyl
Rapid onset opioid use disorder from fentanyl use (video, start at 31:53)
Flow of fentanyl (DEA) - download here
Youth Fentanyl Guide: how to have a conversation about fentanyl - download here
Intervention e-book: What to do if your child is drinking or using drugs - download here
Understanding and Supporting Adolescents with an Opioid Use Disorder - download here
Images of lethal dose and fake Percocet pills - download here

Coaching Episode #2: Dealing With Manipulation, Parenting Paralysis, and Feeling Guilty About Holding Boundaries

Thu, 16 Dec 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this episode, I have the honor of coaching Cheryl as she deals with manipulation from her son who is in a residential treatment program, and her struggles with guilt around holding boundaries in her family. She also talks about "parenting paralysis" which happens when she's feeling overwhelmed, unsure and stuck.

Cheryl was brutally honest about her struggles with her son as he's transitioned from a wilderness therapy program to a residential treatment center, and how it's impacted her entire family. She discovers that sometimes, going back to things that have worked in the past can lead you to a new solution.

You'll hear Cheryl's lightbulb moment and how being part of a community has transformed her life, attitude, and ability to navigate this challenging season with confidence and hope.

Ryan Hampton Reveals the Truth From Inside the Purdue Pharma Bankruptcy In His New Book, Unsettled

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Ryan Hampton is one of those people who instantly exudes his passion and energy for helping people impacted by addiction. In this episode, I sat down with Ryan to talk about his newest book, Unsettled: How the Purdue Pharma Bankruptcy Failed the Victims of the American Overdose Crisis and how it impacted him personally.

Ryan served as co-chair of the official unsecured creditor's committee (UCC) that acted as a watchdog during the Purdue bankruptcy process. He was one of only four victims appointed to the committee, among representatives of big insurance companies, hospitals, and pharmacies.

He entered the case believing that exposing the Sacklers and mobilizing against Purdue would be enough to right the scales of justice. Unfortunately, he quickly learned that behind closed doors, justice had plenty of other competition - those he thought were "friends" turned out to in fact, be foes.

Unsettled is the inside story of Purdue's excruciating Chapter 11 bankruptcy proceedings, the company's eventual restructuring, and the Sackler family's evasion of any true accountability.

It's a do-not-miss episode that will give you insight to the Purdue bankruptcy trial not found anywhere else.

From Heroin Needle To Sewing Needle, Giving Back Through Recovery with Jeremy Melloul, MOLT Clothing

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've ever wondered if recovery is a real thing, you absolutely must hear Jeremy Melloul's incredible story of recovery and giving back. You'll hear how a young man from an ambitious immigrant family found the relief of alcohol at age 11 before traveling a long and painful journey of addiction, eventually living off of Twizzlers, peanut butter cups, and heroin. But the story doesn’t even come close to ending there.

Today, he's a social entrepreneur who founded a clothing company, MOLT, and podcast, MOLT Afflictions, that gives back to those struggling with addiction. It's a story that will give you hope, insight, and encouragement that even when all looks lost, people do get well. They can also go on to heal damaged family relationships and live incredible, full lives.

Listen in as Jeremy shares:

why it was important that he create more than a brand with MOLT Clothing
the connection between vulnerability and Jeremy's long term recovery
the importance of a morning routine that Jeremy follows to ground his day
the moment at 11 years old when he felt the impact of alcohol and what it did for him
how OD'ing in a car wasn't his rock bottom and his 2 white light moments
the distinction between being sober/dry and being in recovery
the lifesaving community he found after a mental breakdown
the influence of his parent's culture on his journey through substance use
what does Jeremy think his parents might have done differently to impact his drug use
what Jeremy would tell his 13-yer old self
why subscribing to the disease model of addiction keeps Jeremy sober

It's a real, raw, and enlightening conversation you do not want to miss.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Demystifying Co-Occurring Mental Heath and Substance Use Disorders, Answers to All Your Questions with Maryann Badenoch, The Partnership To End Addiction

Thu, 25 Nov 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When a parent hears "co-occurring disorder" from a therapeutic professional it can be scary, daunting and extremely confusing. Mental health disorders commonly accompany substance use in teens and young adults, and vice versa, yet it's hard to know which is which, is one more "primary" and how in the world do you go about treating one or both?

Because co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders are more common than not, I invited one of the field's leading professionals to join me for a conversation to demystify this diagnosis and help parents find their footing.

Mary Ann Badenoch is a mental health professional who truly understands mental health and substance use because she's a person in long-term recovery herself. Mary Ann heads up a caring and compassionate team of specialists and volunteers at The Partnership to End Addiction, where I have the pleasure of volunteering as a parent coach and support group facilitator.

You'll hear Mary Ann clarify things like;

how common is it that a young person has both a mental health and substance use disorder?
why do they commonly go hand-in-hand?
how can parents start to detect these issues and how do you go about finding the right mental health professional to help?
what are the risk factors for people who have co-occurring disorders?
how do you differentiate normal teenage changes from more serious mental health issues?
what are questions parents should ask a treatment program to make sure they'll be able to treat both SUD and mental health disorders?
can adolescents and young adults be on medications for SUD and mental health at the same time?
and her words of hope for parents

Do not miss this gold-mine of information from an industry expert - and one of the most compassionate people working to help teens and young adults heal from mental health and substance use disorders.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Mary Ann Badenoch, LPC, MAC, Clinical Director, Peer and Group Services at The Partnership To End Addiction
The Partnership To End Addiction
Co-Occurring Disorders Overview (PDF download here)
Co-Occurring Disorders Workbook (PDF download here)
Substance Use + Mental Health in Teens and Young Adults: Your guide to recognizing and addressing co-occurring disorders (PDF download here)

Preparing For And Enjoying Holidays and Special Occasions With Complex Family Situations, with Lisa Pepper-Satkin

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Holidays and special occasions can go from being magical, fun times with family to days we approach with apprehension and even dread when complicated family dynamics are at play.

These feelings couldn't be more present than for parents who have kids struggling with substance use and addiction or who are currently away from home in a treatment program. And for moms and dads whose kids are newly sober - or trying to be - the strain and anticipation of all that might go wrong are next-level.

In this episode with therapeutic coach and consultant Lisa Pepper Satkin, we explore why holidays and special occasions can be so stressful and share ways to prepare better and approach them to keep our emotions and expectations in check.

It's one you'll want to listen to before Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or any day that brings tension to your home and body. You'll walk away with tools to help if you're trying to decide how to "do" holidays right now, learn ways to prepare instead of being blindsided, and hear how your mindset can make all the difference.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Lisa Pepper-Satkin, www.lisapeppersatkin.com
Mark Pepper Hopestream episode, “Hope for Weary Parents; From Living In A Park To Helping Re-Build Lives”

Coaching Episode #1: Navigating The Transition To Home Life After Treatment

Thu, 11 Nov 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Welcome to the first coaching episode, these are meant to be another tool in your toolbox as you hear how other families are navigating life, straight from their homes.

Today I have the honor of coaching Casie around the various challenges she and her husband face now that their 19-year-old son is home from treatment and living with them. It's a tricky time of transition with a young adult who has been away at wilderness therapy, residential treatment, transitional living, and sober living...whew!

Casie generously opened our session to you as a way to help you gain ideas for living with a newly-sober young adult and she was transparent about her struggles as a mom whose tendency is to "fix."

Owen Fielding of NET Recovery: The Drug-Free, Non-Traditional Treatment That Bypasses Withdrawal Torture and Restores Choice For Those Trapped In Addiction

Thu, 04 Nov 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
For anyone trapped in the cycle of addiction - using substances, detoxing, trying to remain abstinent, then relapsing back to more use and more attempts at withdrawal, hearing there's a way to remove cravings without having to suffer the agony of withdrawal would almost be too good to be true.

That's why Owen Fielding and the team at NET Recovery are kicking off FDA trials (Nov. 2021) for their health-tech device that has been working since the 1970s in an attempt to curb the astounding numbers of people living in addiction and dying from overdoses.

The NET device was featured in a documentary called The Final Fix and you can listen to my conversation with the film's director, Norman Stone on Episode 83 for a background on where the NET device came from.

In this massively important episode, I talk with Owen about:

how the NET device works and how its different from other forms of neuro-stimulation
what's the goal of the NET device when someone uses it?
who's able to use NET and who wouldn't be able to?
what addictions does NET work for?
what does a treatment protocol look like using NET?
what does the future look like for addiction treatment considering NET's pending FDA approval?
what's the timeline for gaining FDA approval and for what substances will it be approved?
what will something like NET do to the existing addiction treatment model?

This is an absolute can't-miss episode and one to share with anyone who needs hope for getting out of the cycle of addiction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Owen Fielding, NET Recovery
The Final Fix documentary trailer
Clinical Trials website

Creating A Connected, Calm Life When The Chaos Is Real; Getting Out of Distraction and Into Alignment, with Lane Kennedy

Thu, 28 Oct 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you use words like, "chaotic, busy, stressed out, or anxious" to describe yourself or your life, this is your episode. And for anyone with a child or someone you love who's struggling with substance use, this chaos is real and damaging to our bodies and minds.

Lane Kennedy is known as a modern-day calm maker or calm coach. She's helped thousands of stressed-out people achieve a renewed sense of deep, inner connectedness in order to bring a sense of fulfillment and peace into their lives. So when she agreed to chat with me for an episode of Hopestream I was IN.

Lane shares her experiences of working with busy, stressed-out women, talks about her own journey out of addiction to alcohol, and offers some sound and achievable suggestions for us to try when life gets overwhelming and we feel like we're losing it.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Lane Kennedy’s website & podcast, The Connected, Calm Life

Recovering From COVID, Podcast Changes, Healing Power of Community, Documentaries and Books; The Casserole Episode

Thu, 21 Oct 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
What to call an episode that covers lots of ground and has a variety of things included? The casserole episode!

This short, solo episode will give you some personal updates, exciting changes coming for Hopestream, a bit about the healing power of community, book and documentary info, and more - basically a podcast casserole.

It's short and sweet so grab your dog, hop in the car, or flop on the couch with a cup of something for a few minutes and exhale with me.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 77 on self-compassion
Episode 83 with Norman Stone, director of The Final Fix
Dopesick Hulu series
The Final Fix trailer
Unsettled book by Ryan Hampton

The Final Fix: An Unflinching Documentary Investigating a Radical, 49-Year Old Technology That Could Change Everything We Know About Addiction, Treatment and Recovery

Thu, 14 Oct 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Of all the alternative therapies currently used for treating addiction, N.E.T. (neuro-electric therapy) makes the boldest claims. Without any use of medication, it promises to bring its patients off their drugs of addiction in 5-7 days, with little or no withdrawal symptoms and no future cravings. Could that possibly be true? And if so, why isn't it available everywhere as we continue to lose over 250 per day to drug overdoses?

This episode is both inspiring, hopeful and maddening, all at the same time. Norman Stone, director of The Final Fix documentary, sat down with me to talk about his decades-long attempts at bringing N.E.T. to the forefront in hopes it will get approved as an addiction treatment in the United States and worldwide.

In the early '70s Norman had a chance encounter with a world-renowned Scottish surgeon who had stumbled upon a non-pharmacological, non-invasive treatment protocol that got, among others, Eric Clapton off of heroin. In this episode, you'll hear that story, and also hear why this treatment and documentary are currently not available in the United States.

What is the treatment?
N.E.T. uses a small device that is taped over the mastoid bone, behind the patients' ears. Then, a carefully programmed series of tiny electrical pulses re-stimulate the production of the body's own natural pain killers, known as Endorphins and Enkephalins in the brain. For someone who's addicted to any substance these naturally produced opiates quickly become depleted, and even replaced, by the drug or alcohol.

The pain and agony of withdrawal keep people trapped in a world that can revolve around drug-seeking, crime, ruined relationships, and often, death. N.E.T. changes all of that, and you'll hear how in this absolutely riveting episode.

For those who want to be notified when The Final Fix documentary is available in the U.S. please go to www.brendazane.com/finalfix.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Things to Do While Your Child Is In Treatment, For The First or 20th Time, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 07 Oct 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a really common question parents have, "my son/daughter just went to treatment...now what?"

If this is a place you find yourself, this episode will give you some assurance, guidance and thoughts about what to do during this time of change. There can be so many mixed emotions from relief to sadness and even guilt...whether it's the first time your child is in treatment, or even if you've been down the treatment road many times.

You'll hear about;

mindsets that can help as you enter a new phase,
practical tips for this strange and quiet(er) time,
why quiet doesn't always mean peaceful,
ideas for checking in with your other kids and spouse,
why taking care of your body is so important right now,
thoughts on what to do about work,
books to read,
a very important task that needs to be done, even if it's hard,
ideas for acknowledging and honoring your child while they're away,
four very important practices if this isn't your child's first time in treatment,
and lots more.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change (Foote, Wilkens)
The Parallel Process (Pozatek)
Hopestream episode 3 with Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D.
Hopestream episode 22 with Julie Jarvis, Ph.D.
Hopestream episode 41 with Nicole Kosanke, Ph.D. and Krissy Pozatek
Hopestream episode 71 - radical self-care
Hopestream episode 23 - should I be having fun when my child is struggling?
All Kinds of Therapy therapist and treatment program finder
Psychology Today therapist finder

Human Flourishing & Unconventional Recovery; Finding Personal Fulfillment & Challenging the Status Quo in Addiction Treatment, with Tripp Johnson

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If your son graduated from high school, was a nationally ranked tennis player, went to West Point, became an Army Ranger, served in Afghanistan, and went to law school, you might think all was good. But for Tripp Johnson, who achieved all of these markers of external success, life wasn't all good.

Tripp’s story takes us from sourcing drugs off the Dark Web to law school, a yoga mat, and ultimately, creating a whole-person focused treatment program for guys struggling with substance use.

This is a story you'll definitely want to hear with insights for parents including:

why Tripp is so passionate about the concept of human flourishing and what that means to young people struggling with substance use
the powerful influence parents can have on their child's choices and recovery
how Tripp's early external success allowed him to not do the work he needed to improve his life and live without substances
why a lifestyle that includes Astanga yoga and daily meditation helped Tripp shift away from his "work hard, play harder" military mantra
reframing self-sabotage as "returning to comfortable"
why it's important for parents and friends to know and recognize patterns around substance use in those they love
alternative paths people can travel to find a substance-free life
what Tripp believes parents really need to understand, based on his day to day experiences with young adult guys who are struggling with substance use issues
a peek inside what it's like to be on the provider side of the insurance challenges with substance use and addiction treatment
The role efficacy plays in the insurance coverage conversation, and how we should be viewing efficacy for treatment programs
Ways to think about relapse and the nuances of recovery

It's a wide-ranging and thought-provoking conversation that will leave you with new ideas around substance use, treatment, relapse, and recovery.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Why "Recovery" Looks Different For Every Teen or 20-something, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 23 Sep 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In honor of September being National Recovery Month, I'm sharing an episode all about the confusing topic of "recovery." For parents in particular this can be a difficult concept if our kids have a different idea than us of what recovery means.

We'll look at the Recovery Research Institute's definition of the term, some "recovery" scenarios that are typical with teens and young adults, and talk about the role harm reduction plays in recovery for many people. We'll also look at many options for recovery that don't involve traditional, clinical treatment.

Finally, I share the important concept of "recovery capital," what it is and how it helps people who are working toward recovering from addiction and substance use. There's a recovery capital scale and worksheet available to download in the show notes for people wanting to learn more about this important piece of the recovery process.

If you're a parent or love someone who's working on overcoming addiction and you're confused about what recovery actually is or isn't - this is your episode.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Recovery Research Institute
Harm Reduction Episode with Dee Dee Stout
Brenda Zane’s Family Story - Hopestream Episode 1
Sober High Schools - Episode 48 with Seth Welch
Collegiate Recovery options
Stages of Change - Hopestream Episode 66
Recovery Capital scale and worksheet (download)

Episode Research Links:

Insurance Coverage for Substance Use, Addiction and Mental Health; Parity, Denials And Tips For Getting Treatment Covered, With Virginia Holleman

Thu, 16 Sep 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When Virginia Holleman's son finally entered in-patient treatment for his substance use, she thought things would get easier, especially since her company-sponsored insurance covered his treatment. Or so she thought.

The nightmare Virginia went through with her insurance company and their denial of her son's treatment isn't unique, but what is unique is the fact that this momma is an insurance coverage lawyer and now an advocate for parity - meaning substance use and mental health treatment has to be covered in the same way as any other illness.

This episode will be extremely helpful if you're a parent considering treatment for your son or daughter, or if they're currently in a program. You'll learn about the Federal Parity Act, what it means, how it's relevant to your situation, and what you can do to have the best chance at getting your child's treatment covered.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Virginia's top 5 tips for handling an adverse decision by a health insurance company:

1. Don't accept a denial/adverse decision.
2. Educate yourself on your plan benefits and the federal parity law, as well as your own state's parity law.
3. Communicate with the health care provider and insurance company.
4. Appeal, appeal, appeal!
5. Submit complaint(s) to the appropriate government regulatory authorities (state insurance department, attorney general's office, etc.)

General information on the federal parity law:

Understanding your rights/things to do before and during treatment/signs your insurance company is violating the parity law:

Help with appealing adverse decisions:

Https://drugfree.org/article/i-just-got-denied-coverage-now-what-how-to-file-an-insura

The Importance of Grief and Grieving, And Why We Get It Wrong Most Of The Time, with Leslie Barber

Thu, 09 Sep 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Grief is right up there with politics, sex & religion as "things not to talk about" for a lot of people. And grief doesn't only apply to the impact of someone dying, it's much broader and impacts every single one of us...so why is it so taboo in our culture?

Leslie Barber knows grief all too well after suddenly losing her husband to cancer, and has shifted her career to helping others understand all-things grief. In this episode, we talk about how it impacts us all, how we can be better at "doing" grief, and why we usually get it wrong.

She shares thoughts for parents who are grieving the "normal" things that go along with raising teens when they veer off course and your now-normal looks very different from what you'd anticipated. Leslie also helps us understand what ambiguous and anticipatory grief is and why it's so relevant to parents of kids struggling with substance use.

You'll come away from this special hour having a better understanding of why it's so important to grieve, whether that's a person you love, a pet, or a missed experience, and will have some practical tools for navigating your own grief.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Leslie’s website: www.agriefwarrior.com
What to say when someone dies - blog post
Pauline Boss website, Ambiguous Loss
Pauline Boss’s podcast interview on On Being: Navigating Loss Without Closure
Heartfelt Sympathy Gifts - gift boxes for those who are grieving

Self-Compassion, Laziness, Or Self-Sabotage? Being The Right Kind of Good To Yourself When Your Child Struggles with Drugs or Alcohol, With Brenda Zane

Thu, 02 Sep 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you're working on being a little more self-compassionate and practicing self-care, there may be times when you ask yourself, "am I just being lazy?" You might also find there are times when your so-called self-compassion might feel more like self-sabotage. SO confusing. You end up feeling guilty for not feeling guilty, or vice versa.

This episode will break down what self-compassion actually is, what it isn't, and importantly, how to tell the difference between healthy self-compassion and laziness or self-sabotage. There's even a simple litmus test I share that will let you look at your behavior and know right away what you're being to yourself.

It's a quick, snackable episode that's perfect for a quick dog walk or errand run so listen in and give yourself a break from feeling guilt - or not - when you're trying to take care of yourself.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Unapologetic, Radical Self Care - Hopestream episode #71

Hope for Weary Parents; From Living In A Park To Helping Re-Build Lives with Mark Pepper, LMHC

Thu, 26 Aug 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I had the immense honor of speaking with Mark Pepper, a beautiful human who has lived the nightmare of long-term addiction and now enjoys a healthy, happy, substance-free life. Not only does Mark lead an incredible, full life, but he also helps others re-build theirs as they recover from substance use and addiction.

Parents of adult children who are living in active addiction are true warriors and have an extra special place in my heart. This episode will provide you warrior moms and dads with hope and knowledge that people can and do recover - even if they're 39 years old, living in a park and eating from garbage cans.

For parents of younger teens and adults, you will definitely want to hear what Mark has to say about things his parents and family did that moved him toward recovery because they're things you can do no matter the age of your son or daughter or how long they've been using substances.

This is a moving and real episode that will get you thinking and reinforce that people are incredibly resilient and can win over drugs and alcohol, even if it takes a while.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Persevere Now: Persevere is a national non-profit organization whose mission is to empower justice-involved men and women and individuals at risk for justice involvement to succeed as productive members of society. We do this by helping them develop the skills they need to be employable within the technology industry, either as employees or entrepreneurs and helping them find jobs in the field. Our goal is to change lives through education, mentoring, and ongoing support.

Substance Use, Self-Harm, Anxiety, Poor Mental Health: Dangers of Teens Striving For Perfection and Achievement, With Stanford's Denise Pope, Ph.D.

Thu, 19 Aug 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
To say that high school and college students today are under massive pressure to "succeed" would be an understatement and no one knows more about why that's true than Denise Pope, Ph.D., senior lecturer for Stanford's Graduate School of Education and co-founder of the non-profit, Challenge Success.

After watching the documentary, "Breaking Points" which highlights some of the unhealthy ways young people are striving to achieve success, I knew I needed to dive into this subject.

Young people today are doing things like combining non-prescribed stimulants and opioids in order to get good (perfect) grades, stellar college placement exam scores, and acceptance to "the school" that will supposedly set them up for a life full of achievement and money. Oh, and at the same time they're volunteering, curating the impeccable Instagram feed and playing elite level sports.

At some point, something's gotta give, and often it's our kids' mental and physical health and wellbeing. In this hugely important episode, Denise and I talk about so many important things including:

what's pushed some kids to use drugs as a negative coping strategy because of the intense pressure for academic achievement
where is the very common 'fear of failure' coming from?
what clues should parents look for to understand if their child is experiencing this intense stress and pressure?
the first question we should ask our kids in order to understand their overall mental and physical health
how much sleep teens actually need each night to stay healthy
the dangerous roller coaster when students use stimulants and opioids to keep up with the pressure
the first response parents should have when they see grades start to slip
what kids truly feel about their parent's expectations
the hope Denise sees coming out of COVID
what research shows about the impact of where you go to college
tips for parents of kids who are struggling, or for kids who are ok, to keep them that way
protective factors for keeping kids safe and balanced

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Denise Pope, Ph.D., Stanford Univ. and Challenge Success
Breaking Points documentary
About Challenge Success (video)
PDF (playtime, downtime, family time) for teens (download)
Challenge Success research papers
A “Fit” Over Rankings research mentioned in episode
Stimulants and Benzodiazepine f

Rethinking Drinking When Our Kids Struggle With Substances; Why and How You Might Consider a Change, with Casey Davidson

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
This episode explores the sometimes uncomfortable topic of parents' drinking when they have a son or daughter struggling with substances, and provides non-judgmental information and ideas on how to make a change if you decide it's something you want to try.

After exploring this topic personally during COVID, I decided to cut alcohol from my diet. In this episode, I share the impact it had on my life, the reasons why it's important to examine the role of alcohol in the parenting process, and tips for making change.

My guest is Casey Davidson, host of the Hello Someday podcast and life/sober coach to busy women who want to drink less and live more. Casey's work helped me make the decision to quit and I asked her to share information many of us don't know and how to embark on an alcohol-free life in a culture that glamorizes and celebrates drinking.

If this is an area you've been meaning to explore, or even if you're rolling your eyes thinking, "who in the world quits drinking?!"...this is your episode. It'll help you completely reframe how you think about alcohol's role in your life, how it may be impacting your emotional regulation, and how this important change can be a big step in role-modeling healthy behavior and coping skills for your children.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Casey’s free guides
Hello Someday podcast episode with William Porter - Alcohol Explained
Hello Someday podcast episode with Gill Tietz - What You Don’t Know About Alcohol and Your Body
The Sober Diaries: How one woman stopped drinking and started living
Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol (Whitaker)
This Naked Mind, Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, and Change Your Life (Grace)

Stop Walking on Eggshells With Your Kid Who Misuses Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 05 Aug 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've found yourself walking on eggshells because the conversations you need to have with your son or daughter usually end up in a defensive showdown or a series of negotiations and mind-tricks, this is your episode.

We'll cover a ninja-level parenting tool you can use to approach your son or daughter in a way that lowers their defenses, puts you in the driver's seat, and actually helps conversations go more smoothly and productively.

You'll learn what the acronym S.U.R.F. means and hear actual examples of how to use it in a conversation. It's a short, snack-sized episode that you can listen to and start implementing into your relationship immediately.

You'll also get 5 practical tips on setting yourself up for the best possible success using the S.U.R.F. tool to save you from some of the common pitfalls parents land in.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

PDF downloadable infographic of S.U.R.F. tool is here

A 2021 Reality Report From Inside The Walls Of Teen Mental Health And Substance Use Treatment: Are The Kids Ok? With Derek Bowles, Crossroads Academy

Thu, 29 Jul 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's always enlightening to get perspective from someone who works with young people day in and day out around mental health and substance use challenges, especially now. In our (mostly) post-COVID world, a time when kids have an intense fear of failure and in the era of widespread fentanyl poisoning, we have to ask, are the kids OK?

After his massively popular Hopestream episode (#2) on teens, residential treatment, and natural highs, I invited Derek Bowles, co-founder of Crossroads Academy, back to the podcast to share what he's seeing with kids today.

We covered such a wide range of topics including:

the challenge of practicing radical acceptance while still being an active parent
the real need to let go of expectations, outcomes and the idea of "perfect"
COVID's impact on kids in treatment
parents, school and the massive pressure kids feel
why is there so much more anxiety and depression in kids today?
the question every single parent should focus on before asking about grades
the need for being proactive about mental health for our teens
teens, trauma + treatment
thoughts for what parents should be looking for a treatment program
why opiates are the perfect drug for treating trauma - and not
whether treatment today is hurting or helping people
the brain chemistry behind natural highs and why that's so important
5 mandatory elements of the ideal post-treatment environment for teens
the outlook for mental health and substance use treatment

You do not want to miss this epic episode so strap on your walking shoes, grab the dog and tune in.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Derek Bowles, co-founder & lead therapist, Crossroads Academy
Episode 2 with Derek Bowles

Unapologetic, Radical Self-Care Improves Life When Your Child is Struggling, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 22 Jul 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
This is a lighter-than-usual episode to get you thinking about ways you can apply radical self-care and take control of events, people and things that cause friction in your life. If you have a child who's misusing substances, you probably spend too little time on yourself and have more than enough friction, so now's the time to change all that.

In my coaching with parents, I've found so many of us are stuck in a rut and running a million miles an hour at the same time. If that's the case, it helps to spend a bit of time intentionally looking at your patterns, habits, and thoughts to see where you can make changes for the better.

In this episode, I'll share things like:

why I fired my dentist after 21 years
what getting a sleep divorce has done for my marriage
how a hamburger bun got me to take better care of myself
the immense value of a morning and evening routine
why being ruthless about your phone can change life for the better
and lots more

It's a fun episode where you'll want to grab a notepad or journal so you can work through finding opportunities for unapologetic, radical self-care and start taking control over circumstances and people who are making things harder when you really need things to be easier.

The Sibling Perspective: A Front Row Seat to My Brother's Risky Lifestyle, Drug Use And Recovery, with Marco Narciso

Thu, 15 Jul 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The siblings. What's happening to our other kids when we have one struggling with lifestyle choices, substance use, or mental health issues? How are they being impacted? What do they know? What should they know, and when? It's a real struggle for parents to know, and that's probably why it's one of the most common requests I get for podcast topics.

I figured the best way to answer these questions would be to talk with my son, who watched his older brother go through "it" and share his thoughts; what he saw, how he felt, and the impact it's had on his life.

It's a real conversation, and even though I may be slightly biased because he's one of mine, Marco's insights, wisdom and attitude are commendable considering the chaos and uncertainty he experienced at a young and impressionable age.

We talk about things including:

how he perceived his brother's actions and how it felt to not know what was really happening
his choice to not go the 4-year college route coming out of a college-prep high school
his impressions of his brother being transported to wilderness therapy
what his support looked like and how he personally dealt with the uncertainty and chaos
what he observed about me, his mom, through the experience
his relationship before, during and now with his brother
his thoughts on how we handled things as parents
the concept of the siblings needing to be "perfect" and not cause parents more problems
his words of wisdom for parents going through it now

You'll be inspired by this young man's ability to internalize and then use his experience to fuel the success he's building in his life today as a barber, stylist, retail store owner and so many other things.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Other Hopestream episodes about siblings:

Episode 4 with Tina Jayes
Episode 33 with Danielle Schaffer
Episode 55 with Dr. Nicole Kosanke and Krissy Pozatek

Shattering The Youth Treatment Mold And Getting Real About Drugs, Alcohol and Mental Health, with Wes Robins & Zac Sweat of Eternal Strength

Thu, 08 Jul 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Wes Robins and Zac Sweat are insanely passionate about helping young people heal and have opened a therapeutic youth center outside of Atlanta, GA to do just that. Eternal Strength Therapeutic Youth Center is an outpatient program - without a program - where each client is met with a tailor-made set of activities, therapies, and healing methods that work best for them and their family. And it might not look anything like 'treatment' has in the past.

In this episode, you'll learn what led Wes and Zac to open their unique space, why they don't advertise or offer structured programs, why they blew up the 4,6,12 or whatever week treatment program, and how they offer young people a radical pilgrimage of growth using creativity, physical and mental tools.

We talked about:

what's lacking today in the world of youth treatment,
how parents can help improve the treatment process,
when you may want to consider out-of-home treatment,
how parents can grapple with the real danger of fentanyl,
a poem that makes everyone cry,
words of wisdom for parents who are currently in crisis,
the importance of boundaries, and lots more.

Strap on your seatbelt, this is a real, raw, and heartfelt conversation.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Wes Robins and Zac Sweat, Eternal Strength Therapeutic Youth Center
Success is Subjective Podcast - Episode 63: deeper background on Wes and Zac
Gabor Mate’ - In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts and website
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, The Awakened Family & The Conscious Parent
Antipsychiatry - Roswell, GA
Ritual Zero-Proof Spirit Alternatives
Seedlip Non-Alcoholic Spirits

My Experience & Relationship With Stress, Trauma, Food, Pain and Healing; An Interview on The Work IN Podcast

Thu, 01 Jul 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I'm excited to share this episode of The Work IN podcast where I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with Ericka Thomas, founder of Elemental Kinetics and talk about my experiences and relationship with stress, trauma, food, pain, Al-Anon, family, triggers, exercise and more!

Ericka's podcast, The Work IN explores natural ways out of stress, trauma and tension and of all the podcasts I've been interviewed on, I felt that this one covered some of the information parents most need to hear when you have a child struggling with substance use and mental health issues.

We often find ourselves in physical pain, mentally exhausted, and generally unhealthy. At one point I wondered if I was just getting old or if there was really something medically wrong with me. It's confusing and you need to know it's normal - which is why taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do to help your child.

So for this week, I'm on the other side of the mic and give you a glimpse inside the ways I did and didn't cope while my son was in the dark years.

Listen in to this episode if you're struggling with too much stress, tension anxiety and have experienced trauma as a result of your son or daughter's lifestyle and substance use.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Ericka Thomas, The Work IN podcast

In The Grip: 30 Days Of Life After Getting The Call Every Parent Dreads, Fentanyl Overdose

Thu, 24 Jun 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I believe it's important to humanize the faceless statistics you see in the news about those struggling with substance use and addiction - the people are real, the families are real, and each has its own distinct story. The impact is massive and is made up of millions of individual tragedies.

I'm sharing this special project with you, it's a raw collection of writings called "In The Grip." These are 20 short chapters that drop you directly into our lives, hospital rooms, and conversations during a 30 day period when my son experienced two overdoses in 2017. You'll take part in the sights, sounds, smells and emotional roller coaster we rode in the weeks spent praying for a miracle.

Spoiler alert...my son survived and is thriving in his new life, so no traumatizing triggers here - this is a story of great hope, strength, and courage.

Enjoy this important behind-the-scenes view of what millions of families are going through as the opioid epidemic rages on, even as COVID is now retreating.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The written story can be found here

Names mentioned in our story have been changed for privacy

The 5 Stages of Why and How Your Child Decides to Change and What To Do at Each Stage, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you watch your child do harmful things and they don't see them as a problem, they waffle with ambivalence about what they're doing, start and stop behaviors over and over and also struggle with relapse, this is your episode.

The Stages of Change model is one that's well known and used in the addiction treatment world but one I didn't learn about until late in my son's struggle, yet it would've helped me so much as I observed what looked like completely crazy behavior. We also rode the roller coaster of change and then relapse and then more change and then reverting to old habits and ways - it was confounding and devastating as a parent.

This episode will walk you through what the stages are, how to tell if your child is in that stage, and what you can do as a parent to meet them where they are. It's practical and direct, and just the right length for a summer dog walk or errand trip.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Stages of Change mobile-friendly cheat sheet download
NIH Research
CMC 20 Minute Guide chapter on ambivalence

What Are CRAFT and Harm Reduction and Can They Work With Young People Who Are Misusing Drugs or Alcohol? with Dee-Dee Stout

Thu, 10 Jun 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dee-Dee Stout is a force to be reckoned with in the world of substance use treatment and specifically in the area of harm reduction. She’s in long-term recovery herself and is an author, coach, speaker, and professor.

In this episode, Dee-Dee shares much knowledge and wisdom from her work with families and organizations related to CRAFT, motivational interviewing and harm reduction. It’s a must-listen for parents who aren’t finding success with traditional treatment programs or who are just looking for ways to improve communication in their home.

We covered a lot of ground including:

Dee-Dee’s family trauma, challenges with existing therapeutic options
Dee-Dee explains CRAFT and harm reduction in Portugal
co-addiction/co-dependent, family systems, and an STI analogy
stages of change, getting un-stuck, diet Coke, the “f-its” and the trump card parents have to be careful with
CRAFT in the real world, harm reduction - Dee-Dee’s thoughts about teens and lifelong abstinence
abstinence, relapse, and the disease theory, harm reduction in a non-substance use scenario
asking kids why they’re using substances, partnering with kids as a method of harm reduction, safe vs safer
normalizing difficult conversations with our kids, fentanyl = the perfect door opener to talk with your kids about harm reduction and being safer
what kids are most afraid of, how to eliminate it from the conversations you have, the role of residential treatment, acknowledging the time and energy it takes to parent through this

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dee-Dee’s website and resources
Book: Coming to Harm Reduction Kicking & Screaming: Looking for Harm Reduction in a 12-Step World
Buzzed, The Straight Facts About the Most Used and Abused Drugs from Alcohol to Ecstasy
Safety First, A Reality-Based Approach to Teens and Drugs (Drug Policy Alliance)
Center for Motivation and Change website and

When Life Feels Unfair: Staying Away From Victim Mentality When Your Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 03 Jun 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There's no doubt that life can feel very unfair when your days and nights become consumed with your child's substance use issues, whether they're just experimenting or in active addiction. We wonder what it would be like to not have a large portion of our hearts and heads filled with worry, doubt, concern and resentment.

We ask why this is happening to us, why we're the ones who have this unrelenting burden and weight to carry around. Why me?

This is a tough topic because no one wants to sound petty and we try our best to keep our spirits up, but the reality is life can feel very unfair and it's easy to fall into a victim mentality when your child has serious, ongoing issues with mental health and/or substance use.

This short, personal episode may help you reframe these feelings, while not discounting them or making you feel guilty for having them. You'll discover ways to honor the difficulties in your life while also keeping them in their place and finding joy and peace through the chaos.

Your Child Isn’t The Patient: The Parent's Role When A Teen Or Young Adult Is Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol, With Rebekah Tayebi

Thu, 27 May 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Rebekah Tayebi has been working with families in various therapeutic settings for 18 years. She has valuable insights for parents when they have a child who needs help with mental health issues or substance use. An important one is that your child isn't and shouldn't be singularly identified as the "patient" or client.

This episode provides you with considerations for

when it makes sense to seek outside help,
what parenting leadership really is and what it takes to have it,
discerning between mental health problems and typical teen behavior,
triggers parents might face,
why we tend to want to have someone "fix" our child,
the role of shame and blame as we work to help our kids,
my personal tangent/rant about ADHD and ADD diagnoses
how empathy, honesty and neutrality are important parenting skills

And lots more. It's a candid, insightful conversation that will give you such a great perspective on how you, as a parent, have incredible influence and how your way of being is crucially important for your child's healing.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Parents Traumatized By Their Child's Substance Use; Restoring Your Health Through Trauma Release Exercise with Ericka Thomas

Thu, 20 May 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You may not realize how much trauma your body is holding onto from the stress, anxiety, and fear you experience if your son or daughter is misusing substances or having mental health challenges. Telltale signals of too much stress and trauma include depression, anxiety, gut health challenges, appetite change, and poor sleep.

This episode takes a deep dive into what's happening in your body when you endure months, years, or even decades of trauma when your child is at risk and suffering serious health challenges. My guest, Ericka Thomas introduces us to trauma release exercise, or TRE, which is a practice you can add to your day-to-day routine to release the negative impacts of trauma.

This is a fascinating topic that's so relevant to parents and can also be helpful to people who are working at getting healthy and creating a substance-free life.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Ericka Thomas, owner of Elemental Kinetics and podcast host of The Work IN podcast
Dr. David Berceli’s website and book

Insider Perspective, Insights and Harsh Realities Parents Need to Hear From a Therapeutic Educational Consultant with Jennifer Taylor

Thu, 13 May 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents have so many questions when their teen or young adult kids are starting to veer off the path of normal, healthy growth and development. They may suspect substance use, emotional issues, trauma, or may have no idea why their child is struggling. It's confusing, and when you're so closely intertwined emotionally and physically with your son or daughter, it's hard to be objective and know what the right resources might be for them.

Therapeutic educational consultants are professionals whose job is to take input from families, specialists, doctors, and therapists to assess and develop a plan for kids who need help getting through rough times - or times of crisis.

In this direct, heart-to-heart discussion with Jennifer Taylor, who is a therapeutic educational consultant in the Bay Area, I ask the questions parents often have and get answers that can sometimes be difficult to hear.

Jennifer works with families all over the country to navigate the right plan and placements that can help their children (teens and young adults) with everything from emotional and behavioral concerns to substance use. You may not like everything you hear, but it's critically important information as you work to help your child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Jennifer Taylor, Owner, JET Ed Consulting, Jennifer (at) jetedconsulting.com

Dear Friends and Family, This Is What I Need You To Know; A Shareable Episode To Open Conversations with Brenda Zane

Thu, 06 May 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It can be really hard to tell friends, family members, and co-workers about your situation if you have a child who's misusing substances - first, you're too exhausted to talk about it, also, they probably won't really understand the nuances and depth of the confusion, fear, and helplessness you feel.

Knowing this is a difficult conversation to have, I created this episode as one you can share with those people in your life who need to know what's going on but you're having a hard time getting the words out. It's a way to open a conversation with someone without you having to muster the energy, strength, and vulnerability to do it face to face - or even Zoom screen to Zoom screen. Even that can feel like a lot.

Take what parts of it apply to you, and leave the rest - I also provide ways your family, friends and co-workers can help, because it's also hard for them to know what you need.

I truly hope this will be helpful to you and will allow you to share some of what you're dealing with in a way that feels safe and supportive.

How Can a Therapist Help Parents When Their Child is Misusing Drugs Or Alcohol? Every Question You Secretly Want To Ask, with Laura Richer, LMHCA CHt

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Sometimes as parents we get so laser-focused on our kids and their problems that we forget we might benefit from some help of our own. There are often family dynamics that need to be dealt with while a child is struggling with substance use, or while they're in treatment. We need to understand our own traumas, areas of enmeshment, ways we might be contributing to the issues...and none of these are easy to sort out on your own. That's where a therapist can step in.

Laura Richer is a therapist, coach, podcaster, and lover of all things mental health. She spent time with me answering all the questions we have about whether or not having a therapist while our child is struggling with substance use or emotional issues will really help. We cover topics like trauma, EMDR, PTSD, hypnotherapy, marriage and relationships - all of it!

This episode will be useful to anyone curious about what a therapist might be able to help them with, without even having to see one.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Anchor Light Therapy Collective
Holding Ground Podcast
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction (Mate’, book recommendation)

Four Counterintuitive Things To Do When You're Overwhelmed By Your Child's Substance Use or Emotional Challenges with Brenda Zane

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I hear it all the time as I work with parents of kids who are struggling with substance use or emotional and behavioral issues, "I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted!" They're also living with extreme fear, especially when substance use is the issue.

In this solo episode, I share four counterintuitive things that can help when you get to the point where you don't know what to do and are paralyzed and feeling helpless. Getting yourself unstuck and encouraged is an important part of helping your son or daughter, so take a short break, dog walk or drive around the neighborhood and soak up some love and hope from today's show.

This episode is supported by The Stream, an online, pay-what-you-can membership where moms who have kids struggling with substance use focus on their own health, wellness, and sanity - with no judgment, and no distraction because it’s not on Facebook. If you’d like to hang out with me and a bunch of cool moms after the episodes, you can learn more and join us at www.thestreamcommunity.com. The first two weeks are always free, then you pay whatever you can. I'd truly love to see you there.

The Xanax Episode: A Critical Conversation About the Dangers of Benzodiazepine Abuse and Addiction with Dr. Nzinga Harrison

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dr. Nzinga Harrison is back for another vitally important conversation, this time focusing on benzodiazepines and Xanax in particular. Parents who have a son or daughter who's experimenting with substances must listen to this eye-opening and informative episode where Dr. Harrison and I discuss all-things-benzo's.

We cover so much territory in this discussion including things like:

what exactly benzodiazepines are and what they do in your body
how long it takes to become addicted to Xanax
what to watch for in your child as a potential sign of Xanax use
2 big warning signs of anxiety in a young person and how to have a conversation about it
how benzo's and alcohol are related
the role fentanyl plays in this conversation and why Narcan doesn't work for benzodiazepines (but why you should have & use it anyway)
why are so many young people using Xanax in particular?
why Xanax’s unique formulation is perfect for panic attacks but also perfect for being addictive
what psychiatrists think about Xanax
the anxiety soapbox Dr. Harrison and I are both shouting from and why we need a bigger box
what rebound anxiety is and why Xanax produces is
how Xanax use progresses to dangerous and addictive levels quickly
how Xanax compares to Valium and Librium from a potency standpoint
critical information about tapering off of and withdrawal from benzo’s

Don't miss this epic episode and share it with any parent who has an adolescent or young adult child who may be experimenting with pills.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Uprooting Addiction, Healing From The Ground Up: A Film That Explores The Connection Between Trauma And Addiction, with Hope Payson and Daryl McGraw

Thu, 08 Apr 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this important and uplifting film, six people from Connecticut with vastly different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds explore the childhood traumas at the roots of their drug addictions.

At an innovative retreat organized by addiction and trauma counselor Hope Payson (LSCW, LADC), six people from varying walks of life – each affected by childhood trauma – come together to share their stories, emerging from darkness through community, connection, and compassion.

For this episode, I talked with Hope, the film's co-producer, and Daryl McGraw, one of the retreat participants who has been substance-free since 2007 after overcoming the battles of a violent childhood, addiction and incarceration.

We discussed all things about the film including:

How your Adverse Childhood Experience score determines your vulnerability to substance use
The way learning disabilities and other differences can impact children
What we need to ask people struggling with substance use instead of, "what’s wrong with you?"
How trauma plays a role in relapse and the way Daryl helps his friends who have taken steps backward in their recovery
How Hope recognized the need to change systemic issues related to trauma and the role fentanyl plays in that
Why she chose the metaphor of a tree to help the group in the film work through their trauma
How looking at someone’s roots when they’re struggling in addiction or working to stay sober in recovery can give us empathy and understanding
What it takes to start having this (trauma) conversation with someone

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hope Payson, LCSW, LADC
Daryl McGraw, President & Founder, Formerly, Inc.
Channah VanRegenmorter, Administrator, Eleanor Health Foundation
Uprooting Addiction: Healing From The Ground Up
Eleanor Health Foundation
Adverse Childhood Experiences information (CDC)
Film trailer can be seen here

How To Help Your Other Kids Deal With Their Sibling's Drug or Alcohol Use, with Nicole Kosanke, Ph.D. and Krissy Pozatek

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
They're the ones left in the dust and shadow of a child who's misusing substances - the siblings. They witness the craziness and chaos, see the manipulation of their parents, they might get blackmailed or harassed - it's scary and parents are often left wondering what this is doing to their other kids - yet are so exhausted they don't even know where to start.

This episode will be incredibly helpful if your substance-using child's behavior is negatively impacting the other kids in (and out) of your home. I spoke with two of the foremost experts in family relationships, systems and dynamics - Krissy Pozatek, author of The Parallel Process, and Dr. Nicole Kosanke, director of family services at CMC and co-author of the must-read book, Beyond Addiction.

You'll hear from these two about ways to approach the sibling relationship and practical things you can do to lessen the negative impact of having a brother or sister misusing drugs or alcohol including:

how you can apply CRAFT skills to help your non-substance using child cope
what younger kids really need when they have a sibling misusing drugs or alcohol
what magical thinking is and why it might be dangerous for your other kids
things you can do to help your other kids manage their feelings well
the role of parental authority in managing relationships within the family and making your home a safe space
approaches that are harmful rather than helpful when a sibling is using substances
what you can do about a manipulative or narcissistic child
figuring out what is age-appropriate information to share with siblings
and lots more!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

What To Do With The Guilt And Regret When Your Child Is Experimenting With Or Addicted To Drugs Or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There are some common emotions parents feel when they have a child who's misusing drugs or alcohol, and two of those are guilt and regret. We punish ourselves for things we did or didn't do, choices we made in the past and actions we took in our lives.

Today's episode will provide you with a way to use these feelings of guilt and regret to actually improve your current situation and your future. I'll share three steps to take when you're carrying the heavy burden of the past so you don't have to drag it around anymore.

I'll talk through real-life examples of how to:

examine the real reason why you're feeling guilty and regretting choices from the past
give yourself grace by looking at the information you had at your disposal
and being brutally honest about whether your actions and choices are actually the reason for your son or daughter's struggles

This will be useful information even if your child isn't misusing substances but they have issues in their life that you blame yourself for.

Everything You Need to Know About Medications Like Suboxone, Vivitrol and Methadone for Treating Opioid Addiction, With Lauren Hoffman, Ph.D.

Thu, 18 Mar 2021 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Who's confused about using medication to treat opioid addiction? If your hand is in the air this is your episode! I was fortunate enough to speak with Dr. Lauren Hoffman who works with Recovery Research Institute, a leading nonprofit research institute of Massachusetts General Hospital, an affiliate of Harvard Medical School, dedicated to the advancement of addiction treatment and recovery.

For parents who have an adolescent or young adult child struggling with opioid use, medication could be a viable option but there's confusion around it and information can be hard to find. In a deep-dive conversation, Dr. Hoffman and I covered a lot of ground including things like:

how she became the person in charge of her mom's opioid use disorder at the age of 13 and how that shaped her life's mission
a breakdown of available medications and the differences between them
various formats of medications like pills, injections and implants
age recommendations for using medications like Suboxone, methadone and Vivitrol
when someone can start taking a medication like Suboxone or Vivitrol and when they shouldn't
what the difference is between an agonist and antagonist medication and why it's important
where and how to find a doctor to help with determining if medication is the right option
how long people need to take these medications
why it's critical to ask any treatment program you're evaluating about their policy and philosophy around medication for opioid addiction
what telescoping is and why it's important to understand it
her controversial belief about when to consider starting medication
her advice for parents who are worried about the potential cognitive impact from opioid medications in young people
and lots more...

After listening to this episode you'll have a good grounding in the medication options, and an understanding of how they work to help people stay in recovery. You'll also have facts that can help break through the stigma of using medication to treat opioid use disorder.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Recovery Research Institute website
Lauren Hoffman, Ph.D. email
Pharmacotherapy article - treating opioid use disorder with medication - includes a table of medications and information about each
SAMHSA Buprenorphine treatment locator tool
SAMHSA: MAT Medications, Counseling, and Related Conditions

Why Your Child’s Substance Use Makes Perfect Sense And Four Helpful Strategies When They’re Not Open To Change, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 11 Mar 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
This episode will give you an alternative view of your child's substance use that might create more space for empathy and an understanding of why they continue in high-risk behaviors. I share four helpful things you can do when your child isn't showing signs of wanting to change what they're doing and you're pulling your hair out.

You'll come away from this short, solo episode with a new perspective and some tools to try this week that will improve your life and could also make a significant impact in your child's life as well.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 46: Dr. Nzinga Harrison
Episode 41: Dr. Julie Jarvis
Episode 20: Jenney Wilder, Founder, AllKindsofTherapy.com
Episode 10: How to get some sleep when your child is addicted to drugs or alcohol
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change (Foote, Wilkens)
Partnership to End Addiction

Getting Kids Un-Stuck From Failure to Launch Mode with Mark McConville, Ph.D., author

Thu, 04 Mar 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you're nodding your head at the term "failure to launch" this is the episode for you. Dr. Mark McConville is a psychologist and author of THE book "Failure to Launch, Why Your 20-Something Hasn't Grown Up and What To Do About It." His work over the course of 30 years has shown him that there are some common themes and traits that cause kids to stall or skid out as they move toward becoming independent, healthy, and well-adjusted young adults.

Dr. McConville is the down-to-earth guy you want to explain some of the mysterious and exacerbating things our kids do (or don't do) and ways we can help them get un-stuck. We talk about things like:

how incompetence can really be pre-competence from kids who just don’t know how to do things
why it's so important for parents to think of themselves and act as consultants to their kids to help them move on, up and out
what a declaration of availability is and how it can help stalled kids
the three fundamental ways parents can influence their kids, whether they're 4 or 24
the age Dr. McConville says is the single most difficult to parent
why and when it's important to create necessity with your child
the concept that all enabling starts as support and how they look identical coming out of the gate

Whether or not your adolescent or young adult child is misusing substances, Dr. McConville's empathetic and time-tested strategies are valuable tools for all parents to have in your toolbox.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Hidden Goldmine of Help For Parents of Kids With Substance Use Disorder with The Partnership to End Addiction's Denise Mariano

Wed, 24 Feb 2021 01:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's not often that you come across a resource or a person who cares deeply about families and kids struggling with substance use disorder, so when I met Denise Mariano and learned about everything offered by The Partnership to End Addiction, I was stunned. I knew I had stumbled into a goldmine for parents and caregivers and needed to share it with the world.

As the mom of a son who struggled with addiction, including eight relapses, Denise can empathize with parents at every step on the spectrum of having a child who's misusing drugs and alcohol. She is the Director of Family Support and Advocacy at The Partnership to End Addiction where she and her team help tens of thousands of families each year with services like a parent help-line, online learning curriculum, in-depth guides and kits, parent-coaching and online parent support groups. And did I mention it's all FREE?

Listen in to this incredible story of Denise's family's journey through addiction and of her son's long-term recovery, as well as a look into the parent coaching program and what it offers parents that you may not get from other resources like Al-Anon and traditional therapy.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Get plugged into the parent support resources at The Partnership to End Addiction
Free Skill-Building Course for Parents Addressing Teen Substance Use
Treatment Roadmap step by step guide to finding the right help for your son or daughter
Interested in volunteering as a parent coach? Learn more here

Three Formulas to Neutralize Negativity and Foster Motivation in Teens With Substance Use Issues, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents who are baffled and frustrated by the amount of negativity in their home and resulting lack of motivation in their kids with substance use issues will get some simple, useable takeaways from this bite-sized episode.

Sometimes you just need a quick visual to help grasp and deal with a situation and that's what we'll talk about on this show. There's a companion PDF/image in the show notes (no email required!) that will be helpful to grab when listening - or afterward - to keep with you when things get hard.

I share three formulas you can remember as you work your way through difficult days and experiences with a son or daughter who's misusing drugs or alcohol. It's the perfect episode for a quick dog walk, errand running or when you want to grab a cup of coffee and get your mind off work for 18 minutes!

EPISODE RESOURCES:

PDF of emoji formulas
⬇️ image files of emoji formulas - perfect for phone download
Research paper on confrontation in addiction treatment (William R. Miller, Ph.D. and William White, MA)🤓

The Wild Recovery Story Helping Make Sober High School An Option For Teens, With Seth Welch

Thu, 11 Feb 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
For students who want a shot at sobriety - whether they've been to treatment or not - there are very few options when it comes to high school. Finding a place where the cool kids aren't using drugs or alcohol can sound like a fantasy but at recovery high schools, the culture promotes and celebrates being sober, not just at school, but full-time.

Seth Welch, Recovery Counselor at Seattle's Interagency Recovery School, shares a very personal and inspiring story of how his life has come full circle - from using drugs and alcohol to relieve anxiety and fit in at his high school to now being part of a growing group of educators and recovery specialists who are planting sober high schools across the country.

Seth's descent into addiction didn't end until he was in his 20's, narrowly escaping death in a car accident and looking at years of jail time. He even had help from Seattle's hometown celebrity, Macklemore, who was scared enough for his friend's life that he helped stage an intervention with Seth's family.

It's a harrowing story that should give hope to parents whose kids are off the rails and seem to have either a jail cell or grave in their near future. You'll also hear how these recovery high schools are giving young people a chance they might not otherwise get in a traditional school setting.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

A Quick Way To Gain Control When Crisis Hits with Brenda Zane

Thu, 04 Feb 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You've probably been there - that moment when something unexpected or horrible happens and you feel yourself reacting in a highly emotional way. It might be finding the stash of weed or empty vodka bottles, or you get the call from the police about your daughter's shoplifting escapade - whatever it is, it sets you into panic mode and you're not sure what to do.

This episode is a short but practical one to help you in those exact moments when the "thing" has happened and you need to handle it, but don't know how. I share a simple 5-step process you can follow to go from freak-out to in-control, taking as much time as you need or have.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Episode 41 with Julie Jarvis, Ph.D. - natural consequences and boundaries
Episode 22 with Krissy Pozatek - boundaries and parenting skills
Episode 5 with Paula Becker - don’t ignore the smoke signals
Episode 46 with Dr. Nzinga Harrison - how to have a civil conversation about drugs with your teen or young adult child
5-Steps to Control image download (no email required)

The Marijuana Episode: The Real Deal About Teens, Weed and Addiction with Dr. Nzinga Harrison

Thu, 28 Jan 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If there's one topic that worries and frustrates parents everywhere, it's marijuana. Cannabis, weed, MJ, whatever you want to call it, when your teen or young adult child is using it, or using it too much, it's hard to know what to do.

This episode is a MUST-LISTEN for parents who are concerned about their child's marijuana use because Dr. Nzinga Harrsion breaks down the real deal for you, covering important topics like:

the definitive answer to, "is marijuana addictive?"
how your genetics contribute to your potential for addiction
the scary difference between dispensary vs street marijuana (if nothing else, listen for this!)
the cognitive, emotional and social impact of teen marijuana use
the difference between the weed of the 70's, 80's and today and why it's so important to understand
the impact of marijuana on kids with ADHD
what the practice of harm reduction is and how a parent can use it with their son or daughter
the physiological impact of various form factors of marijuana from smoking to vaping to edibles and CBD
the truth about marijuana and psychosis
the actual words you can use to open a conversation about marijuana with your child
and much more

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Eleanor Health
In Recovery Podcast
Physicians for Criminal Justice Reform - Physicians advocating to eliminate the damaging health consequences that can result from negative interactions with the criminal justice system.
Health in Her Hue - A digital platform connecting Black women to culturally competent healthcare providers, telehealth services, and health content.

Adolescent Substance Use and Recovery In The LGBTQ+ Community with Beck Gee-Cohen

Thu, 21 Jan 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parenting a teen or young adult through substance use or addiction is a massive challenge, but layering on the complexity of a child who is questioning their sexual identity or openly part of the LGBTQ+ community can make it even more difficult.

This episode is a must-listen for parents who are wondering how to approach their child with questions around sexuality and identity, or who have an openly gay or transgender child who’s also struggling with substance misuse or addiction. It’s complex, it’s confusing and it’s crucial to have this conversation.

Beck Gee-Cohen joined me for this enlightening conversation around gender, sexuality and substances and shared how his work at Visions Teen in Los Angeles is helping adolescents in the LGBTQ+ community. Listen in to hear:

how Beck's family of origin and childhood impacted his use of substances during adolescence and his young adult life
why LGBTQ+ teens and young adults often turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with their identity and sexuality in today's society
why he credits his eventual sobriety for being able to work through suicidal thoughts and not follow through with them
why it's important to recognize gender as a foundation to a person but also know it's a part of a bigger whole
what Beck needed (but didn't get) from his family growing up as a gender non-conforming person to better cope with the stress
what research shows about young people growing up in non-affirming homes vs affirming homes
how to make your home and yourself a safe place for a LBGTQ+ teen or young adult
ways parents can open a conversation about gender and sexual identity with their kids and their friends
questions to ask if you're a parent searching for substance use treatment for your LGBTQ+ child

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Free parent support group meetings for LGBTQ+ youth & substance abuse
You And Your Gender Identity (Dara Hoffman-Fox)
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Trans (But Were Afraid to ask) (Brynn Tannehill)
The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens (Stephanie Brill)
Disclosure documentary
HBO show Euphoria
Netflix show

A Simple Parenting Tool That Helped Save My Sanity and Influenced My Addicted Son, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 14 Jan 2021 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Every once in a while something comes along and works, and you're shocked because life can feel like an endless series of failures when your teen or young adult child is misusing substances. When I found the CRAFT method of parenting a child in addiction, I was skeptical because it seemed too simple - but sometimes simple is what you need.

This episode will introduce you to one of the tools in the CRAFT method toolbox which is incredibly simple to incorporate into your day to day life and can significantly improve the overall tone and relationship with your son or daughter.

I share a few practical scenarios where you can insert this tool even if you have a child in active addiction - whether they live with you or not. It's a short but effective 25 minutes - perfect for a dog walk or quick drive to the store.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Free CRAFT parent resources
Positive Reinforcement chapter from 20-Minute Parent Guide by CMC: Foundation for Change
Positive Reinforcement Video from CMC: Foundation for Change

Part 2: Why Do They Do What They Do? Answers On Addiction From One Who’s Lived It, with Stacy Eakman

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 20:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Nearly every parent of a child who’s living in addiction has the same questions -

why do they keep taking drugs or drinking alcohol when it’s ruining their life, making them sick, killing their family, and pretty much everything in their life?
why do they do things that are so high risk, and obviously have bad outcomes?
should I keep helping him/her with things like rent and a phone? Won’t they get worse if I don’t?
if I stop helping him/her will she or he think I don’t love them? (because that’s what they tell me!)
what can I do if my son or daughter is addicted to drugs or alcohol?

In this 2-part season opener, you’ll hear a mind-blowing story of an all-American baseball star who goes from imagining a Major League Baseball career to being broke, addicted to heroin and cocaine, and stealing anything he could from his loving and caring parents.

Stacy Eakman, president of Eakman Construction in Seattle, WA generously opens up about his life, struggles with addiction, and his eventual path to sobriety. He answers the tough questions parents often have about their kids’ substance use. Stacy is a straight shooter, doesn’t spare us the truth (even when it hurts), and is an inspiration to anyone who believes their life isn’t worth anything because of their past and their addiction.

Listen in to both episodes of the launch of Season 2 of Hopestream for this inspiring story.

Part 1: Why Do They Do What They Do? Answers On Addiction From One Who’s Lived It, with Stacy Eakman

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 20:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Nearly every parent of a child who’s living in addiction has the same questions -

why do they keep taking drugs or drinking alcohol when it’s ruining their life, making them sick, killing their family, and pretty much everything in their life?
why do they do things that are so high risk, and obviously have bad outcomes?
should I keep helping him/her with things like rent and a phone? Won’t they get worse if I don’t?
if I stop helping him/her will she or he think I don’t love them? (because that’s what they tell me!)
what can I do if my son or daughter is addicted to drugs or alcohol?

Golden Nuggets from 2020: A Wrap-Up of Wisdom, Insights and Emotion from 41 Episodes with Brenda Zane

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 15:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Welcome to a wrap of 2020! This episode features snippets from 11 guests who, over the course of 2020 shared their knowledge, wisdom and stories for us to learn from. It's a long one so grab a cup of something warm and cozy and listen in to these amazing golden nuggets from Hopestream's first season:

Derek Bowles, Crossroads Academy @ 3:57
Carrie Wilkens, Beyond Addiction @ 11:49
Megan Megale, American Boy @ 22:56
Paula Becker, A House on Stilts @ 29:56
Will White, Summit Achievement Wilderness @37:46
Willow Rubin, Wonder @ 45:59
Dr. Patricia Conrod, PreVenture @ 51:28
Jenney Wilder, AllKindsofTherapy.com @ 1:03:00
Krissy Pozatek, The Parallel Process @ 1:16:30
Keith Murphy, Rutgers Univ. @ 1:26:08
Dr. Ayana Jordan, Yale Univ. @ 1:36:37

How Do You Set Boundaries and Live With Natural Consequences When Your Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol? Real Talk with Julie Jarvis, Ph.D.

Thu, 24 Dec 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've spent any time learning ways to parent a child (adolescent or adult) who's experimenting with drugs or alcohol, or who's in active addiction, you've likely heard about the concept of setting and holding boundaries, and about letting natural consequences happen when your child makes a bad decision. But how do you actually do those things when they feel confusing and hard?

In this episode, I do a deep dive on these two strategies parents can use with Julie Jarvis, a brilliant and compassionate psychologist who has seen just about everything when it comes to addiction and substance use. Julie is a consulting psychologist for CMC:FFC - the talented team who wrote the book Beyond Addiction which has helped my, and so many families, learn how to live and heal through addiction in the family.

We do a deep dive into several difficult topics and provide insights including:

What makes Dr. Jarvis so passionate about working with people when they’re struggling with addiction
What is a parent’s role in the healing process when a teen or young adult child is misusing substances?
How the parenting skills that help a child in active addiction can also work with a teen who’s just starting to experiment with substances
Information on a hidden goldmine of resources parents can access free
Real-world scenarios dealing with boundaries and natural consequences
Boundaries - what they are, why they’re important, and how to use them in your family
Why a balance of boundaries and control are important for teens and young adults to have
Natural consequences - how they’re tied to boundaries, how to think about them, and how to live with them (it can be really hard)
How brain development plays a role in your teen or young adult’s substance use and decision making
The role of communication in making boundaries and natural consequences effective
The role and importance of self-care for parents

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Center for Motivation and Change website with parent tools and resources
Beyond Addiction book
20-Minute Parent Guide
Parent Support: Free coaching and online groups via the Partnership to End Addiction

Practical Ways to Re-Build Communication With Your Child If They're Misusing Drugs or Alcohol: Words Matter, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Dec 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If the communication with your son or daughter who's misusing drugs or alcohol has broken down significantly, or if you're just trying to understand them better and are getting shut down with your attempts at talking, this is your episode.

Because our kids are stressing us out and living a dangerous lifestyle, we tend to focus all our communication on their problems and on trying to get them to change. Unfortunately, without some careful intention, we can actually shut down the chance that we'll have a healthy, productive conversation at all.

This episode provides practical help for parents to:

consider the information you need that will help build a healthier relationship with your son or daughter
learn specific questions and types of questions to ask in order to naturally pull that information from your child
recognize new ways to ask the questions for the best chance of having a valuable, healthy interaction

These skills don't necessarily come naturally so it's important to learn and then practice if you want to improve the communication in your home.

Launched & Unraveled: What To Do When Substance Use or Emotional Issues Disrupt College Plans with Joanna Lilley

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The transition from high school to college is never easy and some teens get to this phase in life and stall or "bomb out" with emotional challenges like anxiety and depression, or use substances to cope with the stress and demands of college life.

Parents can find themselves writing huge tuition checks for college semesters that may end up unfinished and questioning what to do with their young adult student who isn't thriving. It's a frustrating place to be when other kids seem to be doing fine and yours is barely making it through, but what options are there?

This episode will be a welcome dose of reality and hope for you if your student is unraveling as they leave high school, struggle in college or are just stalled altogether.

Joanna is a consultant who specializes in these floundering young people, helping them navigate the path through higher education, which may not look like the stereotypical 4-years on a college campus. Joanna delivers a ton of value and information in our conversation, so listen in to hear:

why some students are better off taking a year away from college to deal with their emotional or substance use issues
why it's important and helpful to have someone who isn't the parent helping to work out a solution when college isn't working out
3 legal documents she recommends to all parents of college kids
the 3 universal end-goals parents have when they engage with her in a consulting capacity
the concept of bringing the floor up to meet a young adult rather than letting them fall to rock-bottom
the question all parents have when they start working with her

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Lilley Consulting website (includes mental health forms and resources for parents of college-age kids)
FERPA law
The Campus Cure: A Parent's Guide to Mental Health and Wellness for College Students (Morris)
How to Raise an Adult (Lythcott-Haims)
Setting Boundaries® with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents (Bottke)
Success is Subjective podcast
ARISE Intervention

How Heavy is Your Glass? Perspective and Coping Skills for Parents of Teens Struggling with Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 03 Dec 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
There are tens of thousands of moms and dads carrying an unimaginable weight every day, trying to figure out how to move ahead when their son or daughter is misusing substances to cope with life. Using a simple story and analogy of holding a glass of water, this episode will provide parents with a powerful way to recognize and approach the stress level in their life.

I explain the concept of "how heavy is your glass" and:

share why having an invisible glass isn't helpful to you or your child
talk about 2 ways to approach making your glass lighter
why simply putting down your glass might not be an option and what you can do instead
provide real, practical ways to lighten your glass
offer thoughts on when it may be the time to let someone help carry your glass

This is a short but impactful episode for anyone who's at their limit with their child's choices and behavior, and who needs a sounding board and some practical tips for coping.

Ayurveda to Balance Mind and Body: A More Holistic Approach to Stress Reduction and Addiction Recovery with Jessica Ferrol, LMFC, MA, AyuD

Thu, 26 Nov 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Ayurveda is considered by many scholars to be the oldest healing science. In Sanskrit, Ayurveda means “The Science of Life.” Ayurvedic knowledge originated in India more than 5,000 years ago and is often called the “Mother of All Healing.”

In the U.S., treatment for substance misuse and addiction is often centered around the medical-disease model, but the Ayurvedic model reframes this, focusing on the importance of balance within the body. Ayurvedic practices restore balance to the body, which can increase a person's capability to self-heal.

In this special episode, I speak with Jessica Ferrol, an Ayurvedic physician, yoga therapist, licensed mental health counselor, Hakomi practitioner and herbalist who works with people who are working on making changes in their lives, including those healing from addiction. Jessica is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to using Ayurveda's holistic practices to relieve stress and shift the way we interact with our bodies and with the world.

Listen in to learn:

what Ayurveda is and how we can use it's practices to impact our overall well being
how a single yoga class led Jessica to the practice of Ayurveda
how we can use everything from food, body and environment as healing therapies
why it's important to find your body's own cycle and rhythm as you look to become healthier mentally and physically
what happens when we leave ourselves last
how today's culture can contribute to substance use versus more natural remedies for dis-ease
that discomfort is normal and wanting to move away from it is human
about the practice of coming back home to you
practical ways for calming the mind and body
a morning and evening practice to begin with if your stress level is high
tips for those who have lost or gained weight as the result of their stress
why slow, small change is ok

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Tending to the Mothership: Surviving COVID, Kids, Substance Use, Addiction and Holidays with Brenda Zane

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 22:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Uncertainty, unpredictability, fear, anxiety, fatigue, dread...life right now is likely a mixture of all these things and maybe more. As the parent of a child with substance use issues who's also navigating COVID and looking ahead to celebrating holidays, you may be wondering how you can keep it all together. The elements of life you know and love have changed, things you used to be able to count on aren't there anymore, and there's a feeling of underlying anxiety about the future.

In this short, solo episode I'm sharing what it means to "tend the garden of you" and find ways to bring stability, peace, and joy to your life, even with a child in crisis and mid-pandemic. I also present ways to approach and survive holidays and special occasions when all you may be feeling is dread.

You'll come away with ideas around:

creating sacred moments in your day and why that's beneficial
creating and protecting a bubble that can help bring you joy
reframing holiday dread
letting go of things this holiday season
why it might be the perfect year to start something new
and I'm giving you a hall pass on the photo Christmas card this year!

Systemic Barriers, Generational Trauma, and Culturally Affirming Care; a Conversation About Race And Substance Use With Dr. Ayana Jordan

Thu, 12 Nov 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dr. Ayana Jordan is a passionate advocate for racial and ethnic minority groups dealing with substance use. She's an MD/Ph.D. addiction medicine practitioner and associate professor at the Yale School of Medicine, but more importantly, she's someone who works tirelessly to bring culturally informed, gold-standard addiction treatment to racial and ethnic minority populations.

In this episode Dr. Jordan speaks about important topics that impact communities of color like;

system barriers to highly effective treatments like buprenorphine for those in Black and Brown communities
generational trauma stemming from the War on Drugs and its impact on minority populations today
the new definition of MAT and why language is important in reducing stigma
what culturally affirming care can and should look like
the negative cloud that surrounds methadone even though it's just as effective as other medications that treat addiction
why she wants people to focus more on structural policies than the addicted population when it comes to improving treatment
the role COVID-19 has played in expanding access to medication for addiction treatment
substance use and treatment disparities among Black and Latinx youth compared to white youth
her research around integrating spirituality into evidence-based treatment modalities
how current racial tensions are impacting minority individuals who want to seek care
and her plea to the Black and Brown community to follow their dreams and join her in the field of addiction medicine

I learned so much from this conversation and I'm positive you will too. You'll come away with a greater understanding of what it means to experience substance use and to seek addiction treatment as a racial or ethnic minority, and learn what Dr. Jordan is doing to bring more equality and culturally relevant services to those in need.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Things You Can Let Go Of When Your Child Is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol with Brenda Zane

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 04:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents who are trying to help a child misusing drugs or alcohol are usually overwhelmed, stressed out and frazzled from trying to keep up with their normal life and deal with the chaos and uncertainty that's invaded their home. Add a global health pandemic, massive social unrest and an election of historic proportions and it can feel like a tidal wave has crashed over your world and you're about to slip under.

This episode will be helpful if you're looking for ways to offload some of "life" while you focus on helping your child and yourself. Sometimes we just need to hear from someone who's been through it before that we have permission to let go of certain things, and what a few of those things might be.

You'll get some grounding from the latest study on how many families are being impacted by substance use disorder (to confirm you are not alone!) and then we'll dive into specific mindsets and practical things you may want to consider letting go of - for now - or ever, as you work on adding some sanity and control to your days.

In this succinct, 30-minute episode I cover a lot, including:

the most recent data from SAMSHA that shows over 16 million young people are struggling with a substance use disorder
how hanging onto things like guilt, shame, the past, and negative self-talk can hinder our efforts at helping our kids
and why letting go of comparison, saying yes, extreme diets and clutter can actually free up vital space in your brain and life

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Rising Strong, Dr. Brene’ Brown
2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (SAMHSA)

City Girl Gone Mom's Danielle Schaffer On A Brother Stolen by Addiction and Thriving Despite Generational Trauma

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Danielle Schaffer is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to her business and her family, but not even this determined, dynamic Italian "momshell" who hails from New York City could save her baby brother from the grip of addiction. As founder of the insanely popular blog and Instagram account, City Girl Gone Mom, and host of The Mom Confidential podcast, Danielle puts her mind to something and then makes it happen. But sadly, when it comes to addiction, even when you love someone to the ends of the earth, you can't always save them.

This episode is the second in my pursuit of telling the siblings' stories around families, addiction and coping - a side of the opioid crisis and addiction in general, that doesn't get told nearly enough. Danielle generously shares her family's story and gives us a behind-the-scenes look at what it was like to grow up in a family riddled with addiction and how she attempted to save her brother Scott, who ultimately lost his battle to an overdose in 2018.

Listen in to this vulnerable and heart-wrenching episode as Danielle shares;

what she aspired to be when she was a little girl and how that’s so relevant now
her life as a child growing up with a mom who was an addict
what it was like dealing with her brother while having a growing family and business empire
her relationship with her brother Scott and how her role as "sissy" also blurred with being a mother figure to him
how well her brother hid the extent of his use from everyone close to him
the constant lies her brother used to cover up his drug use and overdoses
the disturbing combination of drugs that showed up in Scott's toxicology report
the agony of telling her kids their uncle had died of an overdose and how her family dealt with the blow of their loss
the good and bad sides of sibling support groups
some of her COVID coping skills and how she's staying healthy right now
why she’s so open about her brother’s death and how he died
the questions she asks herself about her brother’s struggle with drugs
and how she recently honored her brother’s life

Settle in for this one, it's so real and so honest.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Sibling Support Resources (addiction related - this is an Australian site but has some good information)
Culpeper Overdose Awareness (grief support for siblings)

10 Steps To Successfully Help You and Your Child Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've started the process of looking for options to help your son or daughter with substance use issues, you know it can be overwhelming, intimidating, and exhausting. If you're just starting out and thinking about making that first call or sending the first email, you may soon find yourself wading through website after website, at 2 in the morning, wondering how you know you're even doing the right thing.

This episode is a practical guide for parents when you're embarking on the arduous journey of finding resources, programs, therapists, treatment centers, or any type of help for your child who's misusing substances. As a mom who's been through the process several times, I share with you 10 critical things I wish I had known and done when I was searching for help for my son. These are tips that would have saved me time, energy and sanity and may have resulted in finding more and better resources. I went into (and through) the process blind, but there's no reason you need to.

In this 48 minutes you'll hear;

ways to make the research process smoother
things to do for your physical and mental health
what you need to know and do about your finances and insurance coverage
how and when to bring in outside help
how to manage the relationship with your child during this time
why getting real with your son or daughter is critical and why you may need to play detective
the importance of developing an organization system
what a JIC plan is and why it's important to have
and much more

Be sure to save this episode to your phone, iPad or computer so you can listen offline as you work through the various tips and steps.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

C.R.A.F.T Parenting Skills - CMC: Foundation for Change
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
20-Minute Parent Guide - learning CRAFT parenting skills workbook
Free Parent Coaching from Partnership to End Addiction (formerly called Partnership for Drug-Free Kids)
All Kinds of Therapy - Curated directory and comparison website for youth, adolescent and young adult treatment options
PsychologyToday website - filter and sort options for finding therapists and treatment programs
Dictionary explaining industry acronyms and terms (via All Kinds of Therapy)
T

Life Changing Grants and Scholarships for Wilderness Therapy: a Conversation With Sky's the Limit Fund's Rochelle Bochner and Lani Dorff

Fri, 09 Oct 2020 15:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents are often hit with sticker shock when they start researching treatment options for their adolescent or young adult children, especially if Wilderness Therapy is on that list. With costs reaching $500 per day, it can mean families have to forego treatment only because of financial constraints.

When Rochelle Bochner's son was in a wilderness therapy program and she realized only families with strong financial means could access this life-changing experience she teamed up with her friend Lani to change the game. With a small pool of seed money from her 50th birthday and a plan sketched on a restaurant tablecloth, this dynamic duo has created a world-class non-profit that's helped over 700 families access therapy, after-care and family coaching.

This is a must-listen episode for parents who know they need outside help for their child but aren't able to afford the steep price tag of wilderness therapy. You'll learn so much from Lani and Rochelle including:

how every grant provided by Sky's The Limit Fund is doubled in impact by the partnering wilderness therapy program
why they added aftercare and family coaching for each of their grant recipient families
the rigorous process they have to ensure the right families are receiving funds
the lengths parents will go to to get their teens and young adult kids into treatment
what COVID has done to their grant request pipeline
how one donor provided a quarter of a million dollars to ensure kids in treatment wouldn't get sent home due to COVID's impact
the typical scenario of a family reaching out to them for assistance
guidance for parents on what to do in the days and weeks leading up to requesting a grant
what they most want parents to know after working with families for over 10 years
their own personal self-care tips for parents
and lots more

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Sky’s The Limit Fund - information and how to apply for a grant

Gaslighting and How Your Child with Substance Use Disorder Can Make You Believe You're Crazy with Brenda Zane

Thu, 08 Oct 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
"It didn't happen that way"
"You're way too sensitive, get over it"
"You're confused, I didn't say that"
and 10,000 other ways our teen and young adult kids twist and turn reality until we wonder if maybe we're the ones who need psychotherapy and treatment. It's called gaslighting and it's something you may be all too familiar with if your child is misusing substances. It's their way of manipulating and controlling conversations, diverting attention away from their actions and making you doubt your own common sense and perspective.

This is an important episode to listen to if gaslighting is going on in your home because you can't be functioning from a whole and healthy place if you're getting wrapped up and sucked into a distorted sense of reality. You'll learn a lot in 33 minutes that could change the game when it comes to maintaining your sanity:

what exactly is gaslighting?
where did the term come from?
how do I recognize if someone is gaslighting me?
how will I feel if someone is gaslighting me?
Plus 6 actionable things you can do to get control over the situation and regain your footing

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode 22 on creating and setting boundaries (reduces your child’s ability to successfully gaslight you)
PsychologyToday.com article on gaslighting

College and Sobriety - Can Kids Recovering from Addiction Stay Sober on Campus with Keith Murphy, Rutgers University

Thu, 01 Oct 2020 00:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents of kids in recovery from substance use disorder may not think college is a good or even realistic option - who would be crazy enough to send their child who struggles with alcohol or drugs to a place where those things tend to be rampant and "normal?"

This episode will be a beacon of hope for those parents who want their kids to continue on to higher education but are skeptical of the idea and don't know where to start in the process.

Keith Murphy is the Senior Substance Abuse Counselor at Rutgers University where he heads up The Rutgers Recovery House, a 12-month, on-campus housing option that offers students the opportunity to have a fulfilling residential college experience living within a supportive community with other students in recovery. Keith provides so much information and perspective in this episode including:

how he went from being a cocaine and heroin addict to heading up the Recovery House at Rutger's University
why college recovery programs are the worst/best kept secret in the world of higher education
his massive respect for parents who persevere and find college recovery as an option for their child
what day to day life looks like for a college student in recovery - pre and during-COVID
the reality that there are tons of activities and options for students on campus that have nothing to do with getting high or using substances
the path he highly recommends to kids coming out of treatment before they step foot on a 4-year campus
how and why he'd like to see collegiate recovery be a more equitable and equal space for marginalized populations
how a Eurocentric Western philosophy around recovery wasn't and isn't necessarily accessible or even understandable for many Black and other people of color
his thoughts on what the word diversity actually means
the disparities he sees in substance use and recovery among marginalized communities
why the word "stigma" is too soft when you're talking about addiction and recovery
what it took for him to personally be able to say "there's no shame in addiction"

For parents who may have written off college for their child with substance use issues, this is an absolute must-listen show. You'll walk away with encouragement, hope, reassurance, and most of all, an appreciation for the dedication of those who work in collegiate recovery and the gift they're providing to kids who may not have pursued their eduction after treatment.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Keith Murphy, ADAP Recovery Counselor, 848-229-4762, or email recoveryhouse@rutgers.edu
Rutgers Recovery House
Association of Recovery in Higher Education: CollegiateRecovery.org
Prince Sign "O" the Times podcast

Coaches, Mentors and A Whole Lot of Tenacity: Wrapping Families With the Support They Need to Heal from Addiction with Lori Thompson

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Families who have a child or children with substance use disorder often have struggles other families don't ever experience or know about. Having a coach and mentor to come alongside you is invaluable when it comes to navigating the tricky family dynamics involved. My guest in this episode brings a wealth of hands-on experience working with teens, young adults and parents as they work to overcome addiction and restore relationships.

Lori Thompson leads a team of parent coaches and young adult mentors in Wonder's Colorado region and took the time to share her thoughts and perspectives with me. You'll hear from Lori:

how her experience as both a sheriff deputy and a middle-school resource officer helped prepare her for a career as a counselor
the similarities she sees in kids when they're struggling with substance use and some of what she believes are the root causes for their struggle
the impact COVID-19 has had on teens and young adults who are currently in treatment
why it's so important for parents to give their kids "a little bit of rope" in these days of constant connection
what we'd hear in a mentoring session if we were a fly on the wall
how her team deals with kids who are only participating in mentoring because their parents forced them to
the vital role of vulnerability in the process of parenting an adolescent or young adult child with substance use disorder
why it's important for parents to find the objective middle ground between catastrophizing and putting your head in the sand
why she sits a little longer when things get really tough with a kid and everyone else has left the room
and so much more

Lori is a warm, compassionate, and insightful soul who I know you'll gain a lot from in this very meaningful episode.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Lori Thompson, Wonder Colorado
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

How to Navigate Life and Conversations When Your World is Falling Apart with Brenda Zane

Thu, 17 Sep 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you've ever been in a conversation where you were thinking, "I'd love to have those kinds of problems" this is an episode you need to hear. For those of us who have kids with a life-threatening disease like addiction, it can be hard to navigate relationships with people who have what we think of as "normal" problems. We retreat and isolate to avoid them or we might blow up or blame our friends and family for worrying about things we perceive to be trivial.

This is also an important episode to listen to if you have a friend or family member who is dealing with a teen or young adult child who's misusing substances. You'll gain empathy and understanding for why they may be more absent than normal, or why they may get upset or angry when you have what should be uneventful conversations.

Give yourself the gift of 20 minutes to hear:

ways to change your perspective on other people's problems or complaints
an experiment to try that may give you more control over your emotions
a tip for coping day to day without falling apart
actual words to use with well-meaning friends and family to help you avoid exploding with anger
why it's important to get your sea-legs and how to do that

Knowing When to Intervene: Recognizing When Your Teen Needs Help Even if Drugs Aren't the Problem with Annika

Wed, 09 Sep 2020 16:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
You may be a parent who's noticing changes in your teen or young adult that worry you, but drugs or alcohol don't seem to be the problem. Their behavior is off, they're acting uncharacteristically and definitely not thriving like someone their age should. What do you do?

This episode is a great place to start if you're thinking about intervening and what that can look like. You'll hear how Annika, mom to 2 teenage boys, noticed her youngest son withdrawing, not participating in family events or sports, refusing to get out of bed, and decided to take action. Some thought it was extreme, she and her husband believe it changed their son's life for the better - and their family's relationships too.

Annika bravely shares her family's story which may help you if you've got a struggling young person in your life. We discuss:

how being aware of behavior that is out of character is different from behavior that is normal teen development
what it was like to not even recognize her son anymore
dealing with a teen who refuses to get out of bed or go to school
finding help through an educational consultant
what she learned about taking care of herself
and why even though this experience was the hardest time of her life she wouldn't trade it

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Upside of Stress
The Gifts of Imperfection
The Power of Validation
Mindsight
Th e Willpower Instinct
Open Sky Wilderness Therapy
NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School)
Outward Bound

Hazeldon's Dr. Joseph Lee; Overcoming Addiction in Young Adults With Humility, Empathy and Grace

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 07:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dr. Joseph Lee is the Medical Director for Hazelden Betty Ford's Youth Continuum and, as I learned in this powerful, hopeful episode, one of the most genuine and caring people in the field of addiction recovery. Dr. Lee generously shared his thoughts and perspectives from his vast history and experience ranging from the streets of Baltimore to now working with one of the country's most iconic and well-respected treatment programs, Hazeldon Betty Ford.

Our conversation steered clear of the clinic aspects of addiction treatment and focused more on the humanity Dr. Lee sees as being critical for both youth and parents who are going through the recovery process. We talked about so many issues including:

What Dr. Lee sees from his vantage point at this historic point in history amid COVID-19, Black Lives Matter and a shifting economic backdrop
The role of virtual care and how COVID has benefitted this positive treatment modality
Why Dr. Lee believes virtual treatment may in some cases be preferred over in-person models
The Pareto distribution theroy - what it is and how understanding it helps young people recover from addiction
The surprisingly good news about high school kids and substance misuse
Dr. Lee's thoughts on happiness, peace of mind and contentment even in the midst of having a difficult child
The emotional pendulum parents go through with a child in addiction, and how to stay as close to the middle as possible
Why he believes a combination of humility, empathy, and grace are the winning formula for helping youth overcome addiction

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Recovering My Kid: Parenting Young Adults in Treatment and Beyond
C.R.A.F.T. parenting resources
NIDA’s Monitoring the Future Report
High School & Youth Trends DrugFacts (NIDA)
Pareto Distribution articles & information:

Think Overdose Isn’t Relevant to You? Think Again, with Brenda Zane

Sat, 29 Aug 2020 21:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
August 31 is Int'l. Overdose Awareness Day and this informative bonus episode will highlight why drug overdose is closer than you think, why it's on the increase during COVID, and some simple things you can do to save a life, even if you don't know anyone who's addicted. Special guests Aaron and Lin Sternlicht from Family Addiction Specialists provide insights and tips from their on-the-ground work at their practice in New York City, and I cover everything ranging from wisdom teeth to Narcan to fentanyl product in Wuhan, China. It's a jam-packed episode for everyone - whether you know anyone who uses drugs or not.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

http://www.brendazane.com/inthegrip - Brenda Zane’s story of her son’s second fentanyl overdose
Hopestream Episode 1 - Hopestream podcast episode sharing Brenda Zane’s journey through her son’s addiction
Blog post on teens and wisdom tooth removal leading to opioid misuse
F.D.A. guide to safe prescription drug disposal
Where to get Narcan/naloxone
Article about and photo of Isotonitazene
Research & Statistics:

Can (and should) I Be Happy When My Child Is Battling Addiction with Brenda Zane

Wed, 26 Aug 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Having a child at-risk with emotional or substance use issues can consume every part of you. It’s a daily struggle that often robs parents of even the smallest joys in life. This episode is for you if you’re wondering if and how you can ever be happy - and is that even ok when your child is so sick?

I share 3 things to consider if you haven't smiled (genuinely) in a long time, if you don't recognize your life as it used to be, and if you're feeling guilty for wanting some time to yourself, to relax, to forget about the problems your child's issues are causing in your life.

I dive into key (difficult) questions like:

can I be happier than my unhappiest kid?
is it ok for me to have fun while my child is battling addiction?
my life is falling apart...why does it matter if I'm happy?
what if my addicted son or daughter sees me having a good time?
even if I wanted to have fun, I can't let go of the worry

This is a must-listen episode if you or someone you know has lost their spark and ability to have any joy or fun in their life due to their child's substance use.

Building Emotionally Healthy Teens Through Boundaries, Letting Go and Creating a Safe Container with Krissy Pozatek, MSW

Wed, 19 Aug 2020 05:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
"When parents are parents, kids can be kids" sounds easy right? Yet it's not easy to know how to be a parent who sets clear boundaries and creates a safe container for kids to grow, mature and feel all the feelings life throws at them in a healthy way. Luckily, Krissy Pozatek, MSW, joined me for an enlightening conversation on doing just that.

Krissy is the author of "The Parallel Process," a book all parents who have a child in treatment need to read, and is also a parent coach who offers an online program and online coaching sessions. With over 15 years of working with teens and young adults in a variety of therapeutic settings, Krissy offers so much insight during this conversation, including:

Why rules are actually freeing to your teen
The danger of smoothing the way for your teens and not allowing them to feel bored, sad, confused or angry
What parents need to do to help their child when they're struggling (probably not what you think)
How some kids will only learn from life and why it's important to let go of the reins
Why kids coming home from treatment programs can slip back into old behaviors if parents haven't cleaned up their skills
What enmeshment really means
Why things may get worse before they get better when parents change their actions
How all feelings are just information
What attunement is and why it's important
Why it's important for your teen to not be happy all the time

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Who Has Your Car Keys? 7 Tips For Stability When Life Feels Out Of Your Control, with Brenda Zane

Wed, 12 Aug 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
We've all seen the Ven diagrams showing us to focus on what we can control. But how does that specifically apply if you've got a teen or young adult child who's misusing substances and your life is in chaos? In this episode, I share from the seat of wisdom - 7 very real and practical things you can do to regain some control and sense of agency over your life even if you have an at-risk child.

These tips also apply to anyone who, during this time of great unrest with COVID-19 is feeling like life is too slippery and you're trying to balance on a teeter-totter in the sand. It's an unsettling and confusing place to be, but it's possible to change the power balance and gain some solid ground.

I go into detail on 7 tips for things in your control which include:

How I react to people and situations
What I put in my body and how I treat my body
What’s on my phone (and what's not)
Who I spend time with (and who I don't)
What my physical space looks like
When I go to bed (extra bonus material on sleep in Episode 10)
What I think about

This is a must-listen-to 30 minutes if you're feeling un-tethered and spiraling because of your child's (or the world's) instability.

Finding the Right Addiction & Mental Health Treatment Options for Teens and Young Adults with Jenney Wilder of All Kinds of Therapy

Wed, 05 Aug 2020 05:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
One of the scariest parts of having a child who needs treatment outside of the home is finding the right place, program and people for their unique needs. And Google is NOT the answer (usually.)

My guest on this week's episode made a switch from being an educational consultant placing teens and young adults in treatment programs to building a best-in-class, data-driven website that lets parents search for and compare treatment programs, consultants and resources without having to enter the land of Google.

Listen in to the conversation I had with the founder of All Kinds of Therapy, Jenney Wilder, as we talk about:

✔️ Her unique 40K foot view of the world of adolescent treatment
✔️ Why she designed All Kinds of Therapy with a comparison model
✔️ The real value of an educational consultant
✔️ The questions parents need to ask when they’re looking for treatment for their teen or young adult child
✔️ Her view of the industry today versus the way it was 20 years ago
✔️ Why she demands so much transparency from her advertisers
✔️ The role Google should and shouldn't play in the search for out-of-home treatment
✔️ Why parents must be ok asking the hard questions
✔️ Why she believes kids in treatment during COVID-19 have fared better than those who aren’t
✔️ Where the 30-day treatment programs came from and why it doesn’t work for adolescents
✔️ and...what fills her with hope

We covered so much ground in this amazing hour, it's a must-listen if you're a parent who's navigating the vast ocean of treatment options for your teen or young adult child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Jenney Wilder, www.AllKindsofTherapy.com

When Addiction Takes Over: Grieving Your Living Child and Normal Life with Brenda Zane

Wed, 29 Jul 2020 04:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Parents with kids in active addiction often find themselves grieving and mourning the loss of what could and should have been - the life that was robbed by drugs or alcohol. But it's a unique kind of grief because your child is still technically alive, their body is with you but the child you know and raised and love is no longer there. This unimaginable kind of torture is the daily reality for many and in this episode, I share its familiar challenges and ways to survive.

If you have a friend or family member with a child who's currently living in addiction, you'll benefit from hearing what they go through hour by hour, day by day, and will gain empathy for their mental and physical struggles.

If you're the very special parent who's living this reality, listen in to gain some perspective and ideas about coping mechanisms and finding strength in community.

A School-Based Program Identifying Personality Traits That Put Teens at Risk for Substance Use, with Dr. Patricia Conrod

Wed, 22 Jul 2020 09:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Dr. Patricia Conrod and her team at PreVenture have identified 4 personality traits that make teens at higher risk for substance use later in life, and have developed a school-based program that helps these at-risk kids learn how to turn their personality challenges into strengths.

Parents will want to learn about the traits and this program which has some astounding, evidence-based results* like:

an average of 50% reduction in alcohol consumption and drug usage
50% reduction in odds of binge-drinking
delayed initiation of alcohol use and binge drinking
significantly reduced conduct problems
delayed initiation and reduced frequency of cannabis use
benefits for kids who did NOT participate in the program

Dr. Conrod also talks about important topics such as:

What she learned from studying children of alcoholics
The common thing she sees young people from all over the world struggling with today
Why a personality-based approach is so important for teens
How traits like impulsivity put kids at risk for substance use
Why parenting interventions are often started too late
How kids as young as 11 are able to reliably identify their personality traits and challenges
The myth of “the addictive personality”
Why 85% of kids sign up for the PreVenture program when it’s offered in their school
The "switch" that goes off in teens around age 14
Why it’s unacceptable for schools to not be offering skills-based, evidence-based prevention programs
and so much more - it was a fascinating conversation

The PreVenture program has been recognized as an evidence-based program by:

UNODC (United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime
UNESCO
World Health Organization (WHO)
NREPP
US Surgeon General

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Natural Consequences: The Value of Letting Your Child With Substance Use Disorder Make Mistakes with Brenda Zane

Wed, 15 Jul 2020 05:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
One of the hardest things for parents to do when their child is struggling is to know when or when not to help them. When they’re little, it’s easy - but as they get older, it’s more complicated because, especially for moms, there’s often an urge to step in and smooth the way and remove obstacles from their path so they don’t have such a hard time. I am 100% guilty of this and know from my work with other moms I’m not alone.

In this episode, I share all about this tendency we have, including:

common ways parents interfere and remove obstacles from their child's path
why consequences, even serious ones, aren't necessarily bad
how to reframe the way you look at the negative experiences your child is going through
real-life examples of experiences and consequences my son went through when he was living a high-risk life and using substances
Four things you can do to un-learn rescuing and bubble-wrapping your teen from life

Closing the Post-Treatment Gap: Showing Up for Teens When They Need it Most with Dave Herz and Willow Rubin

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 12:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Ask any parent what it's like to know your teen or young-adult child is coming home from drug treatment and you'll see a very frightened, confused, and anxious person. It's a highly vulnerable time for the child and a hopeful, yet confusing and terrifying time for parents and caregivers. Wonder, co-founded by Dave Herz and Willow Rubin is a unique program closing that gap in care, role-modeling, support, and expertise when it's needed most.

This was such an enlightening and hopeful conversation with two people who have played many roles in the treatment and therapeutic world and I'm so grateful for them sharing their knowledge and insights with us. You'll hear about:

How Dave & Willow noticed a gap in traditional treatment for teens and young adults and then developed a therapy service that fills it
What teens and young adults actually want most from their parents
What Dave describes as “warrior work” for parents and why it’s the hardest thing to do
How meeting kids where they are (aka, not in a therapist office) is such an important part of their success
Their philosophy of “we show up,” what it takes to deliver on it, and what that looks like vs traditional models
Why they provide separate coaches for parents and teens/young adults to meet their different needs
How they work with parents to help them stop enabling destructive behavior and recognize their own needs and boundaries
The uncomfortable reality that we as parents don’t have control over what our kids do - but how we can still help them
The difference between loving unconditionally and enabling
Why it's important for parents to be held accountable - as well as their kids
Why parents shouldn’t focus on future outcomes and spend time in “future thinking”
How kids don’t make their decisions based on the future like adults often do
What they’re seeing today related to the opioid epidemic
The role of energy and creativity in their therapeutic model
Why things may be getting better with your kid even if their behavior isn’t changing, and how to tell

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Dave Herz and Willow Rubin, Wonder
Wiserootsparenting.com
The Four Agreements (Ruiz)
Brainstorm -

Ten Hard Truths You Need to Know if Your Teen is Experimenting With Drugs or Alcohol with Brenda Zane

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 17:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's a hard place to be, parenting a teen who you suspect is experimenting with alcohol or drugs, or both. This episode provides listeners with ten hard truths you need to know in this situation. Host, Brenda Zane shares her perspective and knowledge from living through many years with her son who struggled with substance use, defiance, and at-risk behavior. It's a must-listen for worried parents who aren't afraid to hear proactive, practical, yet sometimes hard things they need to do to steer their child in a positive direction. You'll hear details around these 10 truths:

it's probably more than what they're telling you.
it's okay to search their room if you suspect that they're using drugs or alcohol.
don't brush this off as a phase.
kids are dying of overdose who are not addicted to drugs.
you're going to have to learn some new skills and adopt a new mindset about substance use.
you're going to have to look at your own substance use.
you'll need to find out what the problem is because it's not drugs or alcohol.
if you have a current or ex-spouse or partner, you're going to have to get on the same page.
get professional help before you think you need it.
you absolutely DO influence your teen's behavior and beliefs.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Kids tend to understate their substance use (research)
Places to search where kids hide drugs
Cannabis potency (research)
U.S. Surgeon General Vaping Advisory
CDC Illicit fentanyl information
Signs of drug addiction
Partnership for Drug Free Kids website & resources
Find a therapist - Psychology Today Therapist Finder Tool
Parents influence on teen’s substance use

Wilderness Therapy for Teens and Young Adults: A History and Considerations for Parents with Will White, DA, MSW

Tue, 23 Jun 2020 23:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Wilderness Therapy, or Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare, is an option parents often consider when locally-based treatments aren't working for their teen or young adult who's struggling with emotional issues or substance use. But it can be scary and confusing if you're unfamiliar with what wilderness therapy actually is (and isn't.) This episode does a deep-dive into the origins of wilderness therapy, with someone who's been around it since it's earliest days. Will White, co-founder of Summit Achievement and Summit Traverse, and industry historian provides parents with a grounded explanation of how this therapeutic model developed and gives perspective from his 25+ years in the field.

This is also a valuable resource to pass along to a parent you may know who has a child struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, "failure to launch" or substance misuse.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Stories From the Field, a History of Wilderness Therapy (book)
Stories From the Elders: Chronicles and Narratives from the Early Years of Wilderness Therapy
Stories From the Field: Demystifying Wilderness Therapy (podcast)
Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Council
Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Center (research)
Association for Experiential Education
All Kinds of Therapy
The Parallel Process
Man’s Search for Meaning
Finding a Therapeutic Educational Consultant:
- Independent Educational Consultants Association
- Therapeutic Consulting Association

Exploring Racial Disparities in Addiction Awareness, Education and Treatment with Brenda Zane

Tue, 16 Jun 2020 17:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The world of addiction and treatment are not exempt from the racial disparities we're so painfully aware of at the moment (June, 2020). This episode takes a look at what's happening in Black communities in the U.S. relative to:

addiction as a percentage of the population vs white and other races
how the opioid crisis and overdose deaths are impacting the Black community
misconceptions about opioid prescribing and use
barriers to gold-standard treatment including MAT
and strategies to address opioid misuse and improve treatment outcomes

Research for this episode was primarily accessed via SAMHSA's website and publications and can be found in the show notes.

As a white, privileged woman with access to robust medical insurance, resources and support, this was a difficult podcast to record. I pledge to continue to look for areas where I can do better by highlighting areas for improvement and then working to make change in my own work and in the industry.

This episode will give you an initial look at the situation around addiction awareness, prevention and treatment within the Black community. It will be followed by future episodes with guests who can better speak to the day to day realities of a disparate system that prevents POC from accessing the treatment needed to live a life free from addiction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

SAMHSA Brief: The Opioid Crisis and the Black/African American Population: An Urgent Issue
SAMHSA (2018). Results from the 2017 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Detailed Tables
Article: 75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice by Corinne Shutack

Discreet, Whole-Person Therapy for High-Profile & Celebrity Families with Aaron & Lin Sternlicht

Thu, 28 May 2020 15:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It's well known that addiction is an equal-opportunity disease that impacts every socio-economic group with its destruction. For families and individuals who live under a spotlight of fame, recognition, and elite status, addiction brings about circumstances and challenges not readily faced by the average person.

Aaron and Lin Sternlicht founded Family Addiction Specialist (New York City) as a boutique, concierge practice meeting the needs of high-net-worth, high-profile and celebrity families and individuals. We cover:

how staff at treatment programs can be highly inspirational and influential in a person's recovery
addiction as a problem money can't solve
why those with unlimited resources may feel less pressure to go "all-in" at rehab, treatment or therapy
the lack of "natural consequences" for kids of prominent families
funding an addiction and how having an abundance of money can actually be a hindrance
the importance of treating the whole person vs the addiction alone
their take on medication-assisted treatment

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Tips For Better Sleep When Your Child is Misusing Drugs or Alcohol, with Brenda Zane

Tue, 26 May 2020 15:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When our sleep goes, everything goes with it. I have yet to talk with a parent who's getting good sleep while their child is misusing or addicted to drugs or alcohol - so this is a hugely important topic.

This episode covers:

the mindset you need to adopt to have a chance at sleeping well
a short, recorded meditation to help you sleep
5 serious health risks associated with not sleeping enough
rituals that will help your body automatically know it's time to sleep
tips and tricks to try when all else fails

EPISODE RESOURCES:

The Sleep Guide - companion to the podcast
Sleep meditation for parents of addicted children (Insight Timer)
Health risks from not sleeping well or enough
Sleep and obesity
Driving accidents
Cold feet/wearing socks to bed

You Can't Love Your Child Out of Addiction with Megan Megale of American Boy

Tue, 19 May 2020 13:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If anyone could love a son out of addiction it would be Megan Megale. Her son Matt was an all-American Boy but Megan found out heroin was stronger than her love. This episode will make you sad, mad, and inspired all at the same time. You'll hear:

how Megan's family tried everything they knew to save Matt from the horrors of heroin
how she now sees ways she may have negatively impacted Matt's recovery
the antiquated legal system that pulled him out of a successful treatment program
and how after losing their battle for Matt's life, Megan is helping other "Matt's" with her foundation, American Boy.

This is a conversation you won't want to miss because you'll gain Megan's brutally honest and brave insights about parenting a child through the nightmare of opioid addiction. It is honest and critical information for any parent listening.

Megan's daughter Shea is the author of, "American Boy: The Opioid Crisis and the Sister Left Behind" the story of her brother's fall into addiction through the eyes of a little sister. The first-hand biography shares unique insight into a now all too familiar and life-threatening phenomenon - what worked for Matthew and what didn't, mistakes along the way that challenge families to talk without shame about their loved one's addiction, and what communities can do to change the course of this historic epidemic in front of them.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Self Preservation: Don't Let Your Child's Substance Use Take You Down, with Brenda Zane

Tue, 12 May 2020 13:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
This personal episode is dedicated to all the moms who have put their life, dreams, career, and sanity on hold while they fight for their child's safety and health. For those who are having health issues and have given up on joy because of the stress in their life.

I share the bigger meaning behind what this podcast and The Stream represent both to me and to the world at large and encourage you to think about your dreams and passions that might be lying dormant while your child's situation takes over your entire life. We'll also learn about allostatic load (what the heck!?) and why it's important to know about and control.

You'll come away with practical ideas and an action plan for ways to keep the pilot light lit on at least one of your dreams.

COVID-19: What To Do With Your Addicted Kid Now with Brenda Zane

Sat, 02 May 2020 11:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Unfortunately, the opioid epidemic didn't take a time-out when COVID-19 hit. Kids are still taking pills, shooting up, nodding off, overdosing. For parents of teens and young adults who are addicted to drugs or alcohol this time is unbearably hard.

This episode starts with a quick look at the COVID-19 health impact relative to the opioid epidemic and then provides 5 practical things parents can do immediately if they have a child in addiction during this health pandemic.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Overdose Death Statistics (CDC)
COVID-19 Death Statistics (CDC)
NALOXONE (Narcan) Standing Order by State
How to administer Narcan (AMA video)
How to recognize an overdose (HarmReduction.org)
CVS Narcan information
Narcan Pharmacy Prescription Aid
Walgreens Narcan Information

To check for community programs that provide naloxone for free, google your County + naloxone. Also, check the websites of your local or State Department of Health (eg: google “CA Dept of Health + naloxone” to find relevant information.

Naloxone is a life-saving medication that can reverse an opioid overdose. Naloxone starts working almost immediately, is not addictive, and has no effect if opioids are not present in a person's system. You don't have to be a doctor or medical provider to give someone naloxone. It can be administered by friends and family members.

SAMHSA Treatment Finder
SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Online and phone recovery support options
Psychology Today treatment finder
Beyond Addiction book
Partnership for Drug Free Kids - FREE Parent Hotline

Common Addiction-Related Personality Traits & Disorders to Keep An Eye On with Brenda Zane

Wed, 22 Apr 2020 16:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this solo episode, I share common traits and disorders that I consistently hear about from parents who have kids with substance use disorder. Sometimes after describing my son and some of our challenges a mom or dad will look incredulous and say, "You just described my kid - to a T!"

While I'm not a doctor, psychologist, or therapist I am a seasoned parent who hears a lot of stories and can't ignore the similarities I hear about our kid's personalities and struggles. You'll hear about diagnosable conditions like:

Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD)
ADHD / ADD
Trauma

As well as personality traits including:

perfectionism
obsessive behavior
risk and danger-seeking
high-sensory / sensory overload

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Mothering in the Age of Opioid Addiction: Author, A House on Stilts, Paula Becker

Tue, 14 Apr 2020 17:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this emotional, eye-opening episode, author Paula Becker shares about the process of writing a memoir and book that is so intensely personal. A House on Stilts is her memoir depicting life with her son Hunter, who battled an addiction to opioids, and who ultimately lost his battle in a tragic, non-drug-related accident. Paula bravely shares:

the process of writing a book so personal and filled with bad memories and what made her decide to publish it
how addiction doesn't define a person and didn't define Hunter
why she's rejected the idea of enabling
how her other children fared during Hunter's years in addiction
the importance of compassion for families dealing with substance use disorder and
things she might do differently if it was possible to rewind time

If you know a family going through this crisis please take an hour to listen and then read the book which will provide you with shocking insight about what it's like to have your child snatched by drugs or alcohol. A House on Stilts is honestly is the first material I've read that accurately portrays the devastation, fear, and helplessness a parent feels when their child is trapped in addiction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Paula Becker, www.paulabeckernow.org
A House on Stilts book

When Your Sibling Has Substance Use Issues; Finding Sanity And Practicing Self-Care, with Tina Jayes

Thu, 09 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0700

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
In this special episode, I talk with my dear college friend Tina Jayes about growing up as the sibling in a house where her brother was addicted to drugs and the dysfunction of that combined with an alcoholic mom and little supervision or money. She shares so much:

the heartbreak of losing her adored, older brother to an overdose
how a lack of resources contributed to keeping him in an unhealthy lifestyle
what she wishes her mom would have done to help her understand what was going on with her brother
how her mom and brother's addiction has impacted her life today
her choices around communicating hard information when raising her own children
thoughts for parents wondering how to talk to their "other" children

We transition from the sibling conversation to self-care and coping strategies she recommends based on her life experience and over 16 years in the beauty industry. We talk all things from maca powder to boxing, puffy eyes, and cucumber facials. Tina gives us practical but important ways to take care of our bodies and minds when faced with incredible life challenges.

This is a great episode to listen to if you have a child with substance use disorder and there are other kids in the home, and if you're looking for ways to feel better as you endure the pain that's related to your child's addiction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Recommended Instagram Accounts:

@thelymphaticmessage
@mirrormedicine
@iamwellandgood
@meditation_jess
Maca root powder
Green smoothie ingredients: Spinach, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, Maca powder, almonds, water
Baking Powder - gentle facial exfoliant (any brand)

Beyond Addiction’s Carrie Wilkens: Using Science And Kindness As Motivation For Change In Your Child's Substance Use

Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Carrie Wilkens is co-author of Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's the defacto-book recommended by therapists, treatment centers, and parents around the world when they need help with a loved one with substance use disorder. Carrie is down-to-earth, a straight-shooter, and unbelievably knowledgeable about all-things addiction and how we need to change ourselves in order to help our loved ones change.

This powerful episode will help you understand:

enabling versus supporting and what that looks like
how to let your child suffer the natural consequences of their actions, and when it might be good to step in
relapse and how it can really be an opportunity to learn versus to look at it as a major setback
alternatives to 12-step programs if they're not working
why total abstinence may not be the answer
how to have realistic expectations of treatment for your child

So for those of you in the thick of it, you will totally relate with and learn SO much from this special and important episode with Carrie Wilkens.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Carrie Wilkens, Ph.D., CMC Foundation for Change
Beyond Addiction, How Science and Kindness Help People Change
The 20 Minute Guide, the parent workbook that distills motivational strategies and CRAFT concepts down into a quick and easy workbook format. Access all of the sessions are free or you can purchase the workbook in a variety of formats at this link.
The Center for Motivation and Change Newsletter
Additional CRAFT Resources:
https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/
https://www.soberfamilies.com/podcasts

Teens, Addiction, Residential Care & Natural Highs with Derek Bowles

Thu, 23 Jan 2020 10:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Derek Bowles knows a LOT about teens, addiction, substances, and the residential care kids sometimes need when local resources aren't working. Derek founded Crossroads Academy in Ogden, Utah over 13 years ago to serve as a place where adolescent boys who are struggling with substance misuse can get away from their home environment (and all that comes with it) and experience the power of getting high - naturally.

One of the unique aspects of residential living at Crossroads is the adolescent boys participate in X-Game type sports as a way to connect with themselves, their bodies and their therapy team. Wakeboarding, skiing, mountain biking, rock-climbing and gym sessions are all part of the average day for these guys who are in the process of rebuilding their lives. In this episode you'll hear:⁠

why sometimes kids need to get out of their life for a while and go to residential treatment (and when they shouldn't)⁠
how to differentiate typical teen behavior and high-risk behavior like drug use⁠
the two things that research shows works better than treatment and medication⁠
why adventure-based treatment specifically is so effective with teens⁠
what to look for if you're considering out-of-home care⁠
two things Derek wishes parents would stop doing
why parents have a hard time figuring out how much risk their child is in⁠

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Crossroads Academy
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain
Enlightenment Now, Stephen Pinker
https://evoketherapy.com/
Journey of the Heroic Parent - Dr. Brad Reedy
Dr. Brad Reedy podcast

The Story Behind the Podcast; A Teen's Addiction, Four Rehabs, Two Overdoses and Hope

Wed, 08 Jan 2020 10:00:00 -0800

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Behind the closed doors of too many homes are families being upended by a young person's substance use. It may be your 14-year-old son experimenting with pot for the first time, your 17-year-old daughter drinking till she blacks out or your 23-year-old who's smoking Percocet, Xanax, and fentanyl regularly.

And behind these kids are the parents. Worried, exasperated, devastated, and confused. This is your next-door neighbor, hairstylist, attorney, the PTA president, maybe he or she is you.

This pilot episode tells the story of Hopestream host Brenda Zane's family's agonizing journey through the hell of her teenage son's addiction to prescription drugs and high-risk lifestyle. She shines a light on the dark edges of what a child's addiction can do to the health and wellbeing of parents who would give any and everything to bring their child back from the abyss of substance use disorder.

From wilderness therapy at 16 to multiple fentanyl overdoses, gangs, and criminal activity, Brenda's family endured it all from inside the facade of a perfectly put-together, upper-middle-class suburban home in Seattle, WA.

But the story isn't all bad news and characters - it also includes the often-missed elements of hope, resilience, humor, and faith, all of which became crucial elements to not just surviving the trauma but thriving in the aftermath.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
In The Grip - the story of our son’s second overdose and road to recovery

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