1. When I was drinking and using, I was ruled by my emotions. I had no filter, no guidance.
2. I bounced between fear and desire. I was afraid of many things: fear of looking bad of being rejected, of not being cool, of losing my job (I was fired three times before I woke up), afraid of permanent insanity, of being broke (I was broke a lot). Name a fear, and I had it.
3. Fear manifests itself in several different ways: anxieties from mild to severe, but always anxious, nightmares, obsessions, depression, anger (provoke by fear). Fear of losing something that I valued or fear of not getting what I want.
4. FEAR is an acronym for F... Everything And Run, or: False Evidence Appearing Real.
5. Then there’s the flip side: being ruled by desire, by a craving and wanting and longing for escape from reality, for getting and staying high or drunk or both, for sex, for recognition (the ego stroke), for looking cool, for having the nicest car, or clothes, or the best-looking girlfriend. All superficial stuff.
6. It wasn’t until I started living by a set of principles as taught by AA that I finally came to a serene place, no longer ruled by fear or desire. No longer ruled purely by emotion. I let the principles of honesty and kindness, and courage rule my life.
7. FEAR now stood for its antidote: Face Everything And Recover.

1. Once treatment is over, or for those who just came in the from the cold without treatment, you need to be conscious of the importance of the “daily reprieve” because that is all you ever get.
2. I once told a guy I was sponsoring that he could stay sober forever if he stayed sober today. He says: “Why is that boss?” I said that he could stay sober forever because it’s always today. It is not yesterday or tomorrow. It’s today. The eternal Now. The reprieve is just for today, not for tomorrow.
3. Therefore, it becomes important that those just starting out by creating a daily schedule – I call it a personalized set of rituals – that keeps you on track every day.
4. An example that works for many, me included, is to start the day with the 3d and 7th step prayer, followed by a reading of the Daily Reflection. I like to read the “On awakening” section on page 86-88 of the Big Book to get my head further into the game.
5. Attending a 12-step meeting (in my case, it’s AA) several times a week is critical. That’s where Fellowship comes in. That’s where you can share freely, make true friends and learn how others work the program. It cures loneliness and isolation, one of the main enemies of recovery.
6. Then there is reading something from the literature every day. If you're new to AA, start at the beginning and read the first 164 pages of the Big Book. Then read them over again a few times. Take a look at the inside the front cover of the Big Book. There is a list of great literature which you can order from www.aa.org
7. It’s important that you stay in touch with your sponsor who will help guide you through the days and weeks. Work with him or her to create your daily and weekly plan. Your sponsor will help you build a solid foundation for life, one day at a time.

1. Your anxiety evaporates when you understand that the future does not really exist, that it’s just an idea in your mind, and you do not have to live there. "Fear is the price you pay to trespass into the future” is an old AA saying.
2. Your emotions get all riled up when you start to see the future as a real thing. Mark Twain, American writer and philosopher famously said: “I have experienced many terrible things, most of which have never happened. “
3. The past is another place you don’t want to live in, or dwell on. My counsellor in early recovery told me: “It’s OK to play the videotape, just don’t stare at it. It isn’t going to change, anyway”.
4. Until you reconcile with the truth of what you did to yourself and others as you work the 12 Steps, the past will likely haunt you with resentments, regrets, shame and hurt.  That’s why a) it’s best to stay in today, in the moment and b) get into your recovery and be fearless and thorough from the very start.

1. Chances are that the people you thought were your true friends were maybe not. They hung around with you or you with them when the real attraction was the opportunity to drink and abuse drugs, and often both.
2. So, the first order of business is to jettison those people who are a danger to your sobriety. Like saying “go away” to your dealer.  It’s a problem if you owe him any money. But don't let that scare you into making a deal with him that has you dipping back into the pot for more pot.
3. Same goes for your bartender. You owe him or her no explanation for not going back to that bar. If it’s connected to the restaurant, just don’t eat there anymore. Easy.
4. Your so-called friends who are still using and drinking might pressure you to join them in the “fun”. It always takes a while to separate the wheat from the chafe, anyway. Your true friends will support your recovery, not try to subvert it.
5. An easy out, if asked why you’re not drinking in a social situation such as a wedding, is to just say: “Oh, I’m not drinking today”. And chances are they’ll leave you alone and not try to push anything on you.
6. You are best, however, to stay out of situations that may serve as triggers for you, at least in the early going. There’s an old saying in AA:” Hang around the barber shop long enough and sooner or later, you’ll get a haircut.”

1. It is a well-known fact that relapse is characteristic of the disease of addiction and alcoholism. A lucky few make it long term on the first try, and I hope you are one of them.
2. The vast majority usually need to get to the next lower rung on the ladder to Hell before they wake up and ask for help. But don’t let the fact that you can come back be used as an excuse that “I can always come back in from the cold.” Because the disease is so powerful, you might not make it back.
3. Addicts and alcoholics don’t wake up because they see the light. They wake up because they feel the heat.  They have to arrive at their own conclusion that they are now desperate enough to reach out for help.
4. Those who have a sponsor will hear the sponsor say: “Don’t call me after you’ve been drinking and now, you’re crying to me. Call whenever you feel like drinking or using.”
5. So that is my point: call your sponsor whenever a craving hits you, and if you don’t have a sponsor, get one now. And of you slip up, call your sponsor or any of the other numbers you should have collected by now if you can't reach your sponsor.
6. In other words, get back in the saddle as soon as possible. The less time between your slip and your re-entry, the better the chances of making it, period.

1. I was taught in treatment that there six primary emotions, and of course, countless nuances of these emotions. Think of them as the primary colours of your emotional rainbow.  In truth, you could feel all of them at the same time, but in varying degrees of intensity. When you feel something, but can’t identify it, ask yourself: Am I glad, mad, sad, afraid, ashamed or hurt? Each of these feelings lend themselves to variants. For example: there are many shades of mad – angry, resentful, rageful, annoyed, irritated, pissed off, dissatisfied and so on.
2. Why is it important that you identify your feelings? Well, you’ve been stuffing them for so long, you don’t know how to truly feel something without getting freaked out. Whenever you had an unpleasant feeling, you used alcohol and/or drugs to snuff it out. Addicts run from their feelings. They especially run from shame, which some call a master emotion because it can define an addict’s persona.
3. There’s an old saying that goes like this: “The good news is you get your feelings back. The bad news is you get your feelings back.” Before recovery, your feelings were like a coiled spring, shoved down by substance abuse. Stop the drinking and drugs, and what happens? You relieve the pressure, but the spring now whipsaws up and down until it finds its equilibrium. That’s why some call early recovery an emotional rollercoaster.
4. Why is it critical that you are honest about what you feel and that you share your feelings with people you trust? Respectful people will honour your feelings as essential to who you are as a human being. All you have to do is identify what it is your feeling and share your feelings openly. You’ve bottled them up for way too long. You can expect to experience emotions that may be contrary, such as mad and glad.  Anger, for example, rarely travels alone. It is often triggered by hurt. Anger is the default emotion for males in our society. It was for me. Until I got in touch with my sadness over losing my daughter in a divorce, I would just get angry. Until I got in touch with the hurt, I would just get pissed off.

1. You thought you could do this alone and discover that your own puny willpower is of no use whatsoever in fighting this disease. In fact, alcoholics and addicts are some of the most wilful people who have ever walked the earth, but then they discover that addiction will simply not yield to willpower. No matter how hard or how many times they have tried.
2. Addiction will yield, however to a power greater than yourself – any power that’s not just you.  You can call your group a higher power, or you can go with the Spirit of the Universe, or with any number of conceptions such as a Christian God, Buddha’s teachings or what is found in the Holy Koran.   It says in the Big Book of AA :”The purpose of this book is to help you find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem”. You get to define your own higher power. How brilliant is that?
3. It never occurred to me that I would find liberation in discipline. That feels like a contradiction in terms, but it really isn’t. Allow me to explain. When I was drinking and using, I followed every desire and whim chasing a high, chasing sex, or excitement or whatever my ego demanded I must have now. I was equally the victim of my own fears – fear of looking bad in your eyes, fear of financial disaster, afraid of losing my job or my lover. I had no rudder to guide my thinking or actions.
4. It wasn’t until I began to live by a set of principles as taught by AA that I was freed from my compulsions to drink, abuse drugs, or chase pleasures wantonly. I finally had some rules to live by: honesty, kindness, and altruism as opposed to selfishness all the way, all the time.
5. I also learned that there was victory in surrender, another apparent contradiction. It wasn’t until I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable that I regained the power of choice – the choice not to drink, one day at a time. I went on to embrace the idea that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And it all started with surrender – the admission of powerlessness paved the way for real power, real victory over King Alcohol.

1. Start eating in a healthier way. It’s 100% true that active alcoholics and addicts have horrible eating habits before they get clean. Getting the right nourishment into your depleted system will go a long way to help your body and your brain recover from the damage that you’ve likely caused due to negligence.
2. Start getting into a “normal” sleep routine. The all-nighters are a thing of the past now, so try to get into a sleep pattern that has you going to bed in the evening and awakening in the morning. Unless your shift work demands otherwise, of course.  Sounds a bit weird to have to say: “go to bed at night and wake up in the morning”, but if you think about it, nothing about life as an addict was normal, sleep being no exception.
3. Take advantage of your body’s ability to reward you with a natural high in the form of endorphins that’ll kick in once you start exercising. Your body is an amazing healing machine when you treat it right. Your body craves movement and exertion. When you start getting fit, your brain will recover more quickly, your senses will come alive, more oxygen will flow through your system, your stress level (and probably your blood pressure) will go down, anxiety levels will ease, and you’ll feel better about you.
4. Use the 24-hour plan. You can decide to not take a drink for the next 24 hours, and you can start any time if you feel a craving coming on. Now, some people in early recovery have already found a Higher Power so that they can ask the Power to lift that craving one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Some gents whom I have sponsored would divide their days into morning, afternoon and evening. This type of strategy avoids the “going on the wagon” or a similar pledge that makes the prospect of staying clean and sober an impossibly high mountain to climb.
5. Again, use the phone. Get as many phone numbers as you can so that when the craving hits or your emotions take a dark turn, you have someone you can talk to unload your fears, talk you off the ledge or better yet, share a joy or a funny story. Anything to get your mind off the next “first” drink or hit.  That’s what a sponsor is for, but just as important, you have become part of a Fellowship that will nurture you and keep you connected. Isolation leads to “stinking thinking” which can lead you back to drinking and using. Fellowship is the antidote to isolation.

1. The easy part is the “getting clean and sober” part. You can put down the weed, or the pills, or the bottle sure enough. It's the staying clean and sober part that is the real challenge, and it goes well beyond that, as I shall explain.
2. If you say to yourself that “I have to stay sober forever, or from now on.”, then you are setting yourself up for failure. You’re freaking out because the challenge is too daunting. This is what I say to the fellows I sponsor: “Hey buster, you can stay sober forever if you stay sober today. Do you know why I say that? Because, my dear friend, it is always today.”
3. The disease will lie to you. It will say: No way is this possible and make a huge mountain of it, because it wants you to give up trying and go back to your comfort zone, the familiar yet ultimately fatal obsession that brought you to your knees to begin with. Remember, this is just a thought, and it’s a lie.
4. Another thought that is a lie: it’s OK to have just one drink or one hit, that you can quit any time you like. It is written that addiction and alcoholism represent an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.  “Allergy” is hereby defined as an “abnormal reaction” which means that once you take that first drink or hit, the phenomenon of craving sets in, which then makes it impossible to stop after “just one”.  The obsession is obvious: unless you reach out for help, you’ll be jonesing day and night for that hit or that drink, or both.

1. “Don’t drink or use between meetings.”  This is harder than it sounds, but it became easier for an ex-drunk like me to understand when it was pointed out that the more frequently, I attended meetings, the less time and opportunity there was to go pick up that first drink.
2. Meetings serve as a school for learning how to live clean and sober, attain a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself, being part of a group of people who “get it”, finding a sponsor, connecting to recovering people whom you can trust, and who could become true friends with whom you can share virtually anything.
3. I know of few, if any, people who have achieved long-term sobriety without the close support of a sponsor, one who has a solid base of sobriety, works the program and sincerely wants to help the next suffering addict or alcoholic. A sponsor is essentially a tour guide through the 12 steps. It is a truism in recovery that “You can’t keep it unless you give it away.”
4. Work the 12 steps. By “work” I mean study them, read about them in the literature, discuss them with your sponsor and do the reflecting, writing and sharing as prescribed. Working the steps takes us on an internal, spiritual journey. It helps us to relieve shame and guilt, get honest with ourselves, make amends wherever necessary and hold ourselves accountable. It’s about finally growing up.

1. Just as iPhones have proven to be incredibly useful tools for navigating our way through our personal, academic and work lives, so too, can they be put to practical use in helping us prevent a relapse, or come back from one in short order, if you really want to get and stay clean and sober.
2. For one thing, now there are apps that can help you with your recovery. There’s one called Everything AA which is fully loaded with e-versions of the main literature, contains audio versions of AA writings and also has prayers and other inspirational content. There’s also a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) app which can help you find meetings anywhere, including online.
3. A simple Google search of online meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous (the two most common 12-step programs) will yield many options that allow a recovering person to connect with others in a private setting dedicated to recovery.
4. Perhaps the most powerful use of your phone comes in when you need another addict or alcoholic to talk to. In AA, we talk about that “100 pound” phone, which speaks to the reluctance that people in early recovery have about picking up the phone and calling a sponsor or a friend, ideally a program buddy. The whole 12-step recovery program, starting with AA in 1935, was based on one alcoholic talking to another. Breaking isolation and connecting to the fellowship is an essential element in recovery. That’s why using the phone is crucial.

• My guest Tony and I bust the myth that some people believe in, and that is that treatment doesn’t work. That is true if you don’t do the work and if you aren’t honest with yourself, and you aren’t willing to surrender your old ways of thinking.
• Many affluent, educated people end up addicted to opioids who might not have otherwise become addicted were it not for being prescribed opioid pain killers post-surgery. The odds are that better than one in ten patients will become addicted, and even higher if they are genetically pre-disposed to addiction.
• Families can educate themselves on ways to help arrest and treat addiction, and how they can join a community of caring people who want to help our society and support each other in the campaign against opioid abuse. Just visit shatterproof.org to learn more.
• An addict seeking recovery will get the most out of treatment by throwing himself fully into the process one day at a time.
• Long term recovery is less about recovering normal brain function and more about learning things that addicts never learned while living in a self-imposed closed system. Addicts need to outgrow their self-centeredness in order to become responsible, caring and authentic human beings.
• One more shout out to the miracles that happen in AA, and an invitation to contact us at info@safehouserehab.com and to visit us at safehouserehab.com where we stand by 24/7 to help families who are desperate for answers.

The truths we reveal in this episode:

• The enabling of loved ones makes it easy or possible to keep the addict’s addiction alive and progressing.
• Many people close to the addict/alcoholic enable them without having any idea that it’s happening. They are in involuntary denial until they get the unwanted but necessary wake-up call.
• When we enable, we deny the opportunity for the addict to feel the heat…to experience the learning that comes with feeling the consequences. When we excuse, explain and cover for the addict, we keep the addict in a dependent, childish state, shielded from reality.
• We are sitting ducks for the addict to steal our money, our time, our oxygen and our peace of mind unless we become aware of our dysfunction as enablers.
• Just like Tony said: don’t quit trying to quit. Hardly anybody gets it right the first time out, so do not be too discouraged. At least your loved one is giving it a shot.

We cover these topics:

• Addiction and alcoholism are recognised by the leading scientists in the US as chronic, relapsing diseases of the brain, causing compulsive using behaviour and loss of control over intake, despite harmful long-term consequences.
• The main take-away is that addiction is compulsive so that when an addiction is activated, addicts lose the power of choice, that he will perform a harmful act over and over.
• There go all the theories of it being a moral failing or the power of will. Just say no is false promise.
• Saying that treatment or 12 –step programs don’t work is like blaming the gym if you’re out of shape. “You have to make the commitment and do the work for you to have any chance of long-term success.”
• Long term success in recovery is more about what the addict does AFTER he leaves treatment than the fact that he went into treatment. Recovery is a lifetime commitment.

We cover these topics:

• Addiction must be treated as the primary disorder, as the cause of mental and behavioural problems, and not as the result.
• Addicts/alcoholics, when they aren’t ready to quit, are very slick and will do anything to protect their ability to use or drink, including lying to professionals.
• If you decide to seek professional help, find a professional who is trained in addictive disorder…someone who is an AODA (Alcohol or Drug Addiction) psychiatrist or counsellor.
• You’ll no longer be puzzled by the irrational, unpredictable and irresponsible behaviour of your addict when you realised that he or she is operating with a damaged brain which is simply incapable of making good decisions.
• It will lighten the emotional burden of family and loved ones of an addict to know that they didn’t cause the addiction, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it. That leaves them with more realistic options, such as seeking professional help and educating themselves on the disease.

We cover these topics:

• Addiction doesn’t just affect the family, it makes the whole family unit very sick
• Cross, or poly-addiction is common among addicts these days, as there is so much available cheaply and easily.
• The deadliest Opioid is no longer heroin, it’s Fentanyl, 100 times more powerful available straight up, and killing up to 100 people a day in the US.
• A plug for our treatment centre: SafeHouse Rehab Thailand, where we offer a life-changing experience in the perfect environment for recovery, helping families and clients address the modern challenges of addiction.

 We cover these topics:

• The facts about relapse.
• What commitment looks like.
• How love is not the issue.
• The games addicts play.
• You are the problem, crazy, right?
• What will it take: heat.

A: Alcoholics Anonymous is the world’s largest support group with 115,000 chapters worldwide and an estimated membership of over two million. Moreover, it is endorsed by the National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) as an accepted evidence-based behavioural therapy. It carries much weight among many practitioners and treatment centres and is often recommended by therapists to help alcoholics take the next step in their recovery following front-line treatment.

AA is the pioneer of 12-step programs all over the world. From it stem over 30 other 12-step programs, including Al-Anon, a support group for families, Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and 26 other programs dedicated to helping people overcome addictive disorders of one kind or another.

1. The First agreement: Be impeccable with your words.
2. Second agreement: Don’t take anything personally.
3. Third agreement: Don’t make assumptions.
4. Fourth agreement: Always do your best.

1. Shame is known as a master emotion, overpowering ordinary, healthy feelings such as sadness or joy.
2. Toxic shame is a debilitating feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing that can last a lifetime.
3. There are multiple causes of it, mostly inflicted by parents onto their children.
4. People who experience toxic shame often have difficulty knowing what they are truly feeling and require help in identifying and expressing what they feel.

1. Think about this day as the most important day of your life.
2. Realise that a wandering mind is essentially an unhappy mind.
3. Ancient traditions that taught mindfulness were on to something.
4. Mindfulness training greatly reduces the stress response.

1. Hitting bottom is a family affair.
2. Everything is not just fine.
3. Addiction is not a choice.
4. Detachment and inaction are two different things.

1. The shame and social disapproval associated with addiction.
2. Stereotypes that perpetuate the myth.
3. Addiction only happens to certain kinds of people. 
4. Addiction is a choice. Kids should just say NO.

These questions revolve around:

1. The myth that addiction is a question of moral character.
2. Why some people refuse to get help.
3. Whether treatment works.
4. Why people think that AA is a cult.

1. Tim overcame a suicide attempt on the eve of his admission of powerlessness over his addiction.
2. He saw his Stage 4 cancer lifted by the miracle of modern medicine, and his own determination to heal.
3. Although he was high school dropout, he went on to earn a Master’s degree at the age of 62.
4. Tim’s adversity has served to strengthened him and inspire others in ways he never imagined.

1. Alcoholism and addiction are incurable and progressive, and often fatal if ignored.
2. There is a serious undercounting of the societal costs in life and injury due to alcoholism, while there is better data on drug abuse effects.
3. It is rare that an alcoholic or addict can successfully get and stay clean and sober on his or her own willpower alone.
4.  He or she needs to ask for and receive help from others committed to a recovery program.

1. Family members need to unlearn their conditioned way of reacting to their beloved alcoholic or addict.
2. The new way asks the family member to take a softer approach which will disarm the conflict.
3. The approach is called CRAFT – Community Reinforcement and Family Training which has seen a high success rate when it’s followed through.
4. It’s recommended that attending Al-Anon meetings become part of the process toward intervention and recovery.

We learn that:

1. It’s common for people to be constantly thinking about something other than the reality of the present.

2. There is a huge difference between planning for the future and living there. 

3. There is ultimately much joy in living in the moment regardless of a person’s circumstances, but it takes commitment and practice.

We discuss how people who have an addict or alcoholic in the family:

1.   Deny the very existence of the disease.

2.   Become too ashamed to admit the truth to themselves.

3.   Ultimately need to confront the truth in order to heal.

I highly recommend the book by Melodie Beatty called Co-dependent No More which she has updated to reflect her experiences in the field over the last twenty-plus years.

Some of my views are shaped by her teaching and many more come from my experiences with addicts, alcoholics and their families.

When things at home have become really bad, when the addiction runs through the house like a freight train, the family cocoons itself out of self-protection. What I mean by this is the individual members adopt an attitude which is called "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" as a means of numbing themselves against the insanity and horror happening at home.

Even when things have not yet become desperately bad, family members exhibit secrecy, resentment, erratic and hurtful behaviour, blaming, and active denial. All the relationships in the family, including the relationships between spouses or between a parent and child, become poisoned by the disease.

The issue here is one of awareness. If the family members (or at least one of them) are not aware that they are in the grip of the family disease called addiction and/or alcoholism, then they will spiral down to an eventual breakdown or breakup. Unfortunately, denial steps in to perpetuate the disease, to keep the family in the dark.

That is how this thing works. Sick relationships are just symptoms of a much deeper problem. Without realising it, the family slowly but surely comes under the influence of the disorder, because the disease wants nothing more than to feed and sustain itself and cares not at all about who it hurts.

In that case, even love itself is powerless unless and until someone in the family wakes up and realises that help from outside is desperately needed.

1. One way to look at the question is: "You have to go to meetings until you want to go to meetings and then you don't have to go to them anymore".  What starts as an obligation turns into a desire.
2. Taking the "forever" view obscures an important tenet of recovery: the goal of life-long recovery achieved but one day at a time.
3. It is indeed a personal obligation to oneself to go to meetings. The benefits reveal themselves in due time if given a chance. One makes lifelong friends in the fellowship, friends who share a passion for helping each other stay sober and enjoy life to the fullest.
4. If one thinks of the small price paid for going to meetings - a few hours a week and a few bucks in the basket - for the benefits gained in sobriety, it will not be seen as a sacrifice. One will think of it as a blessing.

There exists a myth that going to meetings for the rest of one's life is drudgery. The myth evaporates when a recovering person aspires to life-long recovery just one day at a time.

1. Treatment programs require a balancing of structure and the right level of freedom, so as not to signal license to behave irresponsibly.
2. The freedoms that are allowed consist of the things that make a client feel at home, such as the freedom to call home, watch anything they want on TV at night, the freedom to smoke at the right time and place, and the freedom to enjoy the fitness centre, etc.
3. Treatment teaches clients to use their freedom responsibly, albeit under supervision, something they will have to do without after they get home.
4. Where before recovery they did as they pleased pursuing the next high or some form of excess or excitement, now they are free to choose the action that supports their recovery or go back to the slavery of their addiction.

Before recovery, we acted on our whims, believing we were free when we were in truth enslaved by our disease. It doesn't occur to us until much later that there is liberation in the disciplines that we learn in recovery.

1. Addiction often isn't recognised until it's too late to prevent it from taking hold. By the time it rears its ugly head, it has already caused confusion and anxiety.
2. Family members will often attribute their loved one's behaviour to causes that they can relate to other than the addiction itself. They will cite stress, a new job, a troubled marriage and so on as underlying causes.
3. Further, addiction is often not recognised as a compulsive disease that the addicted person has no control over. Instead, it is seen as a moral weakness that can be corrected.
4. Irrational and self-destructive behaviour needs to be addressed as a sign of addiction and not be dismissed. The sooner the family recognises that truth with the help of a trained counsellor, the sooner they can help the addict get the help they need.

Shame and denial are companions that prevent a family from taking the action needed to make progress against an addictive disorder. Education on the nature of addiction is therefore the first step in healing.

1. Addiction is an equal opportunity predator. It strikes anyone and everyone regardless of race, social class, religion, gender, age or any other category of human you can name.
2. It is said by AA that "we are people who ordinarily would not mix". That in itself is a telling statement, that there is a common purpose that unites all by a desire to recover.
3. By the time addicts and alcoholics make it into treatment, they have become so humbled by their disease that they are glad only to be among people just like them. They feel relieved by the ending of their isolation.
4. There are, in truth, some cultural barriers that need to be addressed. These often consist of cultural taboos that represent outdated ways of thinking about addiction. We teach clients that addiction is simply a disease that responds to proper treatment, regardless of culture or social class.

Addiction is a great equalizer across all types of people. So long as we apply the principles of best practices, all who wish to recover are guaranteed equal opportunity to do so.

1. Cross-addictions are becoming more common as a result of the increasing availability of cheaper and more potent street drugs such as fentanyl. The data shows that alcoholics are now much more likely to also be addicted to another substance, than in the past.
2. The only way to treat cross-addictions is to identify what they are first. Although a client may disclose what he or she is addicted to in addition to the main disorder, a precise intake will reveal the full extent of the addictions in play upon entry to a rehab facility.
3. Cross-addictions are different from "dual diagnosis" which is defined as a parallel mental illness such as clinical depression existing alongside an addiction. We are very careful in our initial assessments to identify whether or not a potential client has a dual diagnosis and treat each case appropriately.
4. Because addictions exhibit essentially the same profile, defined as "repetitive, compulsive behaviour that causes harm", the treatment approach is essentially uniform. The one important difference, however, is the focus on the specific behaviours we are trying to affect.

The increase in cross-addictions presents new challenges to treatment centres everywhere. That is why, at SafeHouse Rehab, we have embraced a modern approach to recovery in recognition of our need to address these modern challenges.

1. The family has been more severely affected by addiction than they realise. They need to understand that family dynamics have to change so that all in the family can recover.
2. The family also needs to know that their loved one needs to own his or her own recovery all the way and that it is ultimately up to their loved one to do the work.
3. At SafeHouse Rehab, we provide a toolkit as part of our We Care aftercare program. It contains a contract that includes essential elements for staying clean and sober, primarily attending 12-step meetings, and working with a sponsor.
4. The importance of the family in the recovery process cannot be overstated. We make sure the family is brought into the conversation early and prior to discharge so that all in the family understand the need for diligence and follow-through.

The family needs to change its thinking as much as does the client. Influential family members must think and act in a healthier way to improve the chances of long-term success for their loved one.

1. Addiction is also society's problem, as is alcoholism. Half of the 30,000 vehicular deaths in the US every year can be attributed to drink-driving, and countless other deaths can be attributed to driving under the influence of drugs as well.
2. Another dimension to the problem is the effect it has on the family of origin; it distorts the family dynamic in profoundly unhealthy ways.
3. Effects on the family include enabling, as in lying to cover for the addict, resentment over "how could he do this to me?", distrust and denial.
4. Shame is probably the greatest provocateur of denial. Shame isolates the family, as no one should know lest they look bad in the eyes of relatives and friends. Shame results in blaming each other for the horrible situation they find themselves in.

Addiction is called a family disease, as no one escapes the wrath of this powerful disorder. Beyond its effects on society as a whole, it causes profound damage in the home itself. It turns out that the entire family needs to recover.

1. Although the word "God" actually shows up in the Twelve Steps themselves four times and twice more by referring to "him", AA principles nonetheless allow for a very broad conception of the "God" idea.
2. At the very beginnings of AA, the co-founder, Bill Wilson, resisted the very idea of any god. His friend smashed Bill's resistance when he asked: "Why don't you choose your own conception of God"? This was an idea that invited anyone to join the fellowship.
3. There are countless references to a ‘Higher Power’ throughout AA writings. It states in the Second Step, for example, that a "power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity".
4. The AA program allows anyone to define a power greater than ourselves any way we wish; it does not make an exclusive claim to the truth, nor does it claim that AA is the only way to stay sober.

The God idea is often a barrier to people joining AA, even when they would benefit from doing so. The truth is that alcoholics and addicts have an intense fear of giving up control, even when they have no control over the disease themselves.

1. Some AA meetings are known as "closed" meetings which are private (not secret) affairs open to those who would prefer to keep their membership private.
2. The second type of AA meeting is called an "open" meeting which is open to the public. This is where an AA member, and often an Al-Anon member, shares their stories as a way of educating the public on how they have recovered. Al-Anon was founded 70 years ago for the families and friends of alcoholics to give them the means to recover themselves.
3. In fact, very little is not disclosed in the fellowship of AA. It is a 501C3 not-for-profit organisation that has its books open to the public for inspection and is obliged to file tax returns and provide a full accounting on an annual basis.
4. The idea of secrecy stems from the days when there was a stigma associated with membership in AA, and there still is to an extent. We feel that every AA member has the right to privacy, and even though I can disclose my membership, I have no right to disclose yours.

Although the idea of AA being a "secret society" is a myth that still lingers, our responsibility as AA members to share the truth endures as well.

1. The point of rehab is to allow an addict/alcoholic to make a U-turn, to turn their life around to something approaching normalcy.
2. Instead of a life tilted entirely to drinking and using, expending all their energy in pursuit of the high, now we seek a life that is balanced.
3. First, however, they need to do the necessary work: to look at themselves honestly and start to think in a healthy manner.
4. To attain a new way of thinking and behaving, treatment teaches them how to have fun without the need for alcohol or drugs, and learn how to achieve a healthy balance in their life.

A healthy balance maintained over a lifetime is an end goal of treatment, but that can only be achieved by staying clean and sober one day at a time.

1. "You”, as the family member (say the mum), are as powerless over your loved one's addiction as they are themself. This concept is the hardest thing to accept.
2. You have tried to control their behaviour, using every means at your disposal, from threats to pleading, and all your efforts have come to nothing.
3. The evidence proves, therefore, that you are neither to blame for their addiction in the same sense that you have no ultimate control over it.
4. Perhaps the best way that the truth is expressed is the saying that shows up on the walls of Al-Anon meeting rooms everywhere: " Didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it".

It is not all surprising that the responsible family member will blame themself, not knowing they are actually powerless over the addiction, just like their loved one.

1. This myth goes back to the 1980s when Nancy Reagan launched her "Just Say No" campaign, and the phrase has lingered in the lexicon ever since.
2. The idea that an active addict retains the power of choice is a misguided illusion.
3. They are in the grip of a brain disorder, as defined by the National Institute of Drug Addiction (NIDA). They are compelled by their disorder to feed the addiction above all else.
4. Even if they vow not to use - to say no - their being is overtaken by their disorder to the point where they are incapable of making the right decision for themself.
5. Society and the media reinforce our prejudices where we judge an addict as weak when they are actually quite sick and in need of our help.

Although saying no is a well-meaning sentiment, it is simply misguided when placed against the reality of a powerful disease.

There isn't a single rehab that doesn't mention "aftercare" in their narrative.
Some simply say something like: "And we offer the best aftercare program to help clients stay clean and sober", without giving away any details as to what their program entails.

A few others will promise "24/7 access to counsellors" and other types of support.
Clearly, these types of "programs" are well-meant, but they are incomplete.

At SafeHouse Rehab, we don't kid ourselves into pretending that our job is done once a client goes back to his own hometown. We bring a measure of humility to our work when we say that our rehab is just the very first step on the path of recovery.

We also bring an unwavering sense of responsibility to our clients to give them all the tools they need to stay clean and sober, to allow them to re-integrate into society as productive and positive citizens.

We designed our We CareTM program to be the most robust and complete aftercare program anywhere. We reviewed what was out there and saw what was missing: a truly comprehensive approach to aftercare.

That is why we created the We CareTM aftercare toolkit and contact resources that gives clients all they could possibly need to feel supported and cared for.

It's what we owe our clients who seek a lifetime of clean and sober living.

One of the myths about the AA or NA programs is that they are just about staying clean and sober. The programs are built around the 12-Steps, and only the first step mentions alcohol or drugs.

The rest of the steps are all about character development that will make us better people. To quote an AA speaker: "We came in as spiritually bankrupt people. We had violated virtually every norm that guides our society to think and act in an honest and compassionate way".

Addicts and alcoholics deep into their disease are extremely self-centred. They sincerely believe that the rules do not apply to them. They have become infantile personalities who do not want to be held accountable for anything they say or do, or don't do.

What the Anonymous programs do is teach addicts and alcoholics how to grow up, how to hold themselves accountable, and to make direct amends to the people they have harmed.

The program does not demand that the individual find a higher power defined a certain way; it suggests, however, that the sure path to liberation is to surrender to the idea that they are no longer the centre of the universe.

Helping others to get and stay clean and sober is at the heart of AA and all other 12-step programs. That is how we learn to become selfless, compassionate human beings.

This is a question that is often asked by the family but is less frequently asked by the potential client.

1. The client is looking for an end to their suffering; they want to know what you can do for them now. The family is looking at a bigger picture beyond today. The last thing they need is for Johnny to relapse after all that worry, time, and money have been expended on his behalf.
2. We at SafeHouse Rehab strongly believe that the sole purpose of our treatment program is to get clients as ready as possible for life after rehab and to give them the best possible chance of a lifetime of clean and sober living.
3. Treatment teaches clients a healthy way of thinking, it teaches them the values of honesty, integrity, and regard for others. It teaches them the virtues of courage and commitment in daily life.
   These are the things that they carry with them to the world at large and will serve them well.

We say that "our sobriety is contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition", and we hope that our clients carry that idea in their hearts long after they have come back home.

1. Our experience and data clearly show that the odds of clients staying sober for a longer period (five years or more) rise with the length of treatment.
2. Said another way, relapses are less likely to happen the longer one stays in some form of treatment, either primary or secondary.
3. The fact is that not all clients are the same. They come in with a variety of emotional issues that drive their addiction; each client's issues need to be addressed separately and uniquely.
4. The more time that is dedicated to addressing the client's emotional issues, the more likely it is that the secrets that keep them sick will be revealed and, in so doing, deeper healing can begin.

Time can also be seen as a measure of how dedicated the client is to their own recovery, as time dedicated to recovery represents a sacrifice willingly made to achieve a greater goal.

1. Most treatments do not last as long as they should, either for practical reasons such as work, or because families and clients underestimate the amount of work that still needs to be done to make a full course-correction.
2. Clients may come into treatment believing that treatment is a quick fix to their problem when in fact it is just the beginning of a life-long endeavour to stay sober and grow as human beings.
3. SafeHouse Rehab recommends a minimum of two months of intense primary treatment, followed by two to three months in a sober living environment before returning home. Usually, not always, this is enough time invested by the client to prepare for a new life at home, assuming the client makes the commitment from the very start.
4. It is vital to remember that treatment, no matter how long, will be ineffective in achieving its long-term goal of a lifetime of clean and sober living if the client chooses not to follow the basic principles of recovery.
   For example, if a client goes back to a circle of drinking and using friends, it will not be long before he or she decides to re-join the club.

It cannot be stressed enough that treatment is just the start of the journey and that the journey can only succeed if the client makes a full commitment.

We call that achieving victory by surrendering.

Treatment programs take their charter seriously, so one should expect work to be an essential part of the treatment process.

1. For the first time in a long time, clients are forced to confront their attitudes and their behaviour that got them into treatment in the first place. That takes something they have not done in a long time: work.
2. In treatment, clients learn the value of balance in life, mixing work, play, socialising, fitness, meditation, and sports into their routines just as they should be doing when they get home.
3. Work in a treatment setting takes on different dimensions. There is the quiet work of journaling, of actively participating in group sessions and then there's simply work, to help put the house in order.
4. No one says that treatment should be seen as a vacation from real life, regardless of the setting. Treatment should be seen as a commitment to making essential changes in one's life. And that takes work above all.

At SafeHouse Rehab, we are focused on giving our clients the best possible chance at a lifetime of clean and sober living. That takes dedication to have both our clients and our people do the hard work necessary to make that a reality.

The 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other 12-Step programs such as Narcotics (NA) are viewed by many recovering people and professionals as indispensable to life-long recovery.

1. Opinions differ, however, as to their role in treatment programs, depending on the philosophy of the management.
2. Some rehabs treat 12-Step programs as an option, preferring the more cognitive models, while others lean more heavily on the 12-Steps as an essential component of early recovery.
3. If the goal of treatment is to help prepare clients for a successful journey after they leave treatment, at SafeHouse Rehab we believe that we should introduce AA and NA into the process early enough to get them ready for the next phase.
4. We don't claim that 12-Step programs are the only way to grow and stay sober, and neither does AA. We do know, as recovering people ourselves, that the 12-Steps of AA and NA have played a central role in our continuing sober lives.

Some members of the public paint 12-Step programs unfairly as secretive and mysterious, when they could easily just visit www.aa.org and see for themselves.

Clients and their families look at the daily schedule of a residential treatment program and remark on the high level of structure that appears to be imposed on clients.

There is a reason for this.

1. Clients come from a world of self-imposed chaos, a world where they violated every norm and every rule of decent behaviour.
2. Now they enter an environment where the opposite is true, where they are taught that norms and rules do matter and that they are expected to abide by them.
3. Structure sets up an environment that is safe, stable, and predictable, a new and healthy experience and one to which most clients adjust readily.
4. Structure is not static; treatment means clients are expected to make continual progress toward their individual goals.  Our counsellors help them make adjustments in their attitude, thinking, and behaviour to attain those goals successfully.

Structure is the backbone of a treatment program. Our program at SafeHouse Rehab Thailand is based on best practices developed over decades of experience in our field and is validated by our license from the Thai Ministry of Public Health.

1. Group therapy gives individuals the opportunity to relate to people experiencing the same problems; they no longer feel isolated as they felt when they were "out there" drinking and abusing drugs.
2. It creates a sense of hope as they watch each other learn and grow. Others will notice how much a person has changed for the better before that person sees it himself.
3. Group therapy helps individuals develop communication and socialisation skills and allows clients to express their issues and accept criticism from others.
4. It allows clients to develop self-awareness and empathy by listening to others who face similar challenges. The courage displayed by certain clients inspires others to confront their own issues more directly.

Group therapy has long been recognised as one of the most effective tools in helping addicts and alcoholics recover. The common identity as a recovery group and the shared purpose of working together to help each other heal is powerful medicine.

1. One-to-one counselling is an opportunity for the counsellor to get to know the client, and vice versa, in a more intimate setting. That way, the client feels safe and comfortable in disclosing essential details of their life.
2. It takes more than one or two sessions for the client to build the trust necessary for the truth to come out.
3. One of the most important tasks in counselling is to have the client examine the flaws in their thinking that allowed them the license to drink to excess and/or abuse drugs.
4. One-to-one counselling is where the counsellor helps the client change the way they think from unhealthy, dishonest thinking to thinking that is based on the truth.

One-to-one counselling is just part of the bigger picture of addressing the many factors that go into recovery. It is, however, an essential component in uncovering the deeper, emotional issues that need to be addressed.

We will use SafeHouse Rehab Thailand as a model, as the better treatment programs include:

1. Best-practice therapies including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Group therapy, one-on-one therapy, etc.
2. Full licensing from the government entities charged with enforcing regulations. SafeHouse Rehab, for example, is fully licensed by the Ministry of Public Health of the Kingdom of Thailand.
3. Licensed treatment counsellors who have earned qualifications and degrees in addictive disease, and licensed clinicians on staff or on call.
4. Comfortable, modern private accommodation, healthy balanced meals, fitness facilities, and weekend excursions. Additional features could include meditation, art therapy, and massage therapy.
5. Aftercare programs that give clients the tools and support they need to begin a lifetime journey of clean and sober living.

Successful treatment programs provide a recovery experience for the mind, the spirit, and the body. All three dimensions must be addressed given the need to heal the person in a holistic manner.

One can imagine the questions that arise when families consider treatment abroad. Not only are they potentially sending their loved ones to an unfamiliar place, but they are also taking an understandable risk in seeking treatment in a foreign country.

1. The challenges of traveling abroad for treatment depend on what country is chosen as the location for treatment and what experience the client has had with international travel.
2. Safety is the major issue for most families. Safety as to the country itself and safety as an individual in an unfamiliar treatment setting. Both issues need to be researched in advance of any conversation with the treatment centre.
3. If the family or the client has no or little experience with foreign travel, then everything from the need for passports, visas, and specific entry requirements should be well understood before concrete plans are made.

Here at SafeHouse Rehab, we help make traveling to Thailand as easy as possible. We guide our clients through the travel process, and even help them obtain a passport if so required. We pick our clients up at the international terminal and drive them safely to our treatment centre.

Our clients tell us that traveling to SafeHouse in Thailand was not nearly the challenge they thought it would be. That’s what we want for them - a smooth transition to our treatment centre in the land of smiles.

1. Not all incoming clients require detox; a thorough pre and post arrival assessment will determine whether a client requires detox from identified substances.
2. If a family chooses a treatment centre located abroad and if that treatment centre complies with all regulations and best practices, and if it offers detox, then the detox process is likely safe.
3. We at SafeHouse Rehab cannot speak for other treatment facilities, but we can guarantee that our detox process is as safe as any in the world.
4. Our rigorous intake process assures families that we customise the detox process to ensure effectiveness and safety as our primary goals.

Detox is a necessary component of treatment. It requires an experienced clinical team who has access to the appropriate medications to assure a smooth and effective transition to the core treatment program.

SafeHouse Rehab Thailand is fully licensed and complies with all the regulations set by all the governing bodies for our type of business.

Even though a rehab may comply with the rules governing immigration or business licenses, if it does not have a license from the Ministry of Public Health Thailand, then it has no business doing business in our space in Thailand. The governing bodies and their regulations are as follows:

1. The Ministry of Immigration sets the rules for work permits by foreigners and for the employment of local service workers.
2. Local and national government agencies set rules for obtaining a business license and ensure that firms are at least 51% owned by a Thai individual.
3. The Ministry of Public Health in Thailand issues strict regulations for firms engaged in health-related activities. These regulations include the necessity for access to medical professionals and accredited hospitals, facility and process for detox, accreditation and licensing of professional staff, and a full list of treatment procedures.

Licensed treatment centres in Thailand offer best-practice core recovery programs, therefore, the differences reside in their approach and goals for treatment, what enhanced services are offered, where they are located, and what they charge for their services.

Families seeking treatment abroad should familiarise themselves with Thailand and all that it has to offer as a destination and as a preferred location for treatment.

1. Thailand is recognised as the #1 destination for medical tourism worldwide and is also renowned for its superb tourism infrastructure and welcoming culture.
2. Thailand is proud of its reputation for employing world-class health care professionals, many educated at the best medical schools in the UK and in the USA, and elsewhere.
3. Rehabs in Thailand fall into the medical tourism category and are also governed by the Thai Ministry of Public Health.
4. The cost of treatment in Thailand represents a high return on investment for clients from abroad, given the low costs of labour and real estate, along with a favourable exchange rate vs. foreign currencies.

Many of our clients' families report that they investigated several other foreign destinations and concluded that Thailand represented by far the best value of service for the investment.

In some comparisons, they found that they could get three months of treatment for the price of one elsewhere.

1. Clients and families considering treatment abroad have already discovered the costs of private, residential treatment in their home countries, and now look to assess whether treatment abroad makes sense for them.
2. The reputable treatment centres abroad offer best-practice treatment, but their price structures vary greatly, from basic to super-luxury.
3. The most important questions to ask, in our opinion, are: which one is the best fit for the client and what is the best ROI, defined by the quality of care for the investment.
4. Even the luxury-oriented centres may not offer that much more in true quality of care, but if amenities are very important, that may be the right choice.
5. If the question is: where can we get treatment abroad that is affordable? Then a treatment centre that offers first-rate amenities plus best-practice care would yield the best ROI.

SafeHouse Rehab Thailand clearly falls into that category.

We recommend that the family do extensive research before committing to an option for treatment abroad. Look for transparency on pricing, ask about best-practice therapies, training of their professionals, and type of accommodations/amenities such as fitness facilities.

1. Treatment in a residential, in-patient setting takes addicts/alcoholics out of their unhealthy environment, away from the typical triggers.
2. It forces clients to identify unhealthy thinking and behaviour that got them where they are, paving the way for a new mode of thinking and being.
3. Clients no longer feel isolated, as they are now in the company of others who share the same goals - recovery from addictive behaviour.
4. It helps them experience the power of group therapy, while one-on-one sessions address more personal issues that affect their recovery.
5. Treatment sets up clients to practice the disciplines essential to achieving a lifetime of clean and sober living.

Treatment is the ideal way to get addicts/alcoholics to make the U-turn in their lives, arrest the disease, and get onto the road of life-long recovery.

It is a bewildering experience for newcomers to a 12-step program such as AA. On the one hand, they are sponges for learning about how to stay sober, and on the other, all they may know is they should go to AA meetings and find a sponsor. So, what is the role of the sponsor in AA?

1. The principal role of a sponsor is like that of a tour guide who takes the newcomer through the basics of the AA program, such as reading the Alcoholics Anonymous text which we call The Big Book.
2. It is not unusual for sponsors and their "sponsees", as they are called, to form friendships that last a lifetime. This partnership becomes the cornerstone of recovery for many recovered alcoholics.
3. Having a sponsor means that one can disclose intimate details of one's life that will remain private, staying within the confines of the relationship. Like a confessional.
4. The relationship as defined by our AA traditions is a direct extension of the spark that ignited the Fellowship in the first place, in 1935: one alcoholic talking to another, helping one another get and stay sober, one day at a time.
5. Men sponsor men, women sponsor women, with a few exceptions. All one has to do is raise a hand at a meeting and say: "I'm looking for a sponsor". It works best for both if the relationship starts as a trial run to see if the chemistry works. It usually does.

The founding insight that started the AA fellowship, that of one alcoholic helping another, lives on in the concept of Sponsorship, now woven into the fabric of AA itself.

This is one of the favourite myths that we take pleasure in blowing up.

1. Let's start with the characteristics of a cult, starting with secrecy. There are two types of AA meetings - closed meetings where privacy (not secrecy) is valued since there is still a stigma associated with alcoholism, hence the original Alcoholics Anonymous. I am free to disclose my membership, but I am obliged to not disclose yours.

2. Then there are meetings that the public is invited to attend. These are called Open AA meetings, of which there are many. They consist of speakers who openly disclose that they are recovered alcoholics and are there to share their experiences. Often, a member of Al-Anon (a recovery program for families of alcoholics) will join as a companion speaker, sometimes as the spouse.

3. How about a charismatic leader? Who would that be? AA elects the equivalent of a Board Chairperson who serves a two-year term and is charged with overseeing that the mission of the General Service Board is faithfully carried out. That mission is to carry the message of hope to the still-suffering alcoholic and to serve the interests of AA groups around the world.

4. How about isolating members from society? AA does exactly the opposite: it encourages us to be productive and active members of society as a whole.

5. What about money? Are there any dues or fees? None at all. In theory, one could go to 100 meetings and not put a penny in the basket to cover the rental cost of the meeting space. Most of us usually put in two dollars each, still the best return on investment we have ever known.

6. What about the transparency of the organisation? AA is a 501 C3 not-for-profit entity governed by IRS tax law and therefore is obligated to report to the public the state of its finances and activities openly on an annual basis. Anyone can walk into AA offices in New York and ask to see the books, and the staff is obliged to honour the request.

Yet another myth dispelled.

AA was founded in 1935, has grown to a membership of over 2 million world-wide, and ensures. AA stays true to its founding mission of carrying the message of hope to alcoholics and their loved ones, no matter where in the world they may be.

This is one of those questions that is based on the myth that one can change the course of an addict's disorder at all.

1. It is said that "people who try to change other people are sick people". That is not meant to be unkind, rather it is said to get the attention of family members who believe they can change their loved one to become "normal".
2. The presence of addiction in the home uses up most of the available oxygen, leaving little for other family members for their own use. The family becomes obsessed with the addict and starts to act irrationally to try to control to fix the sick one.
3. That's why addiction and/or alcoholism are rightfully known as a "family disease" since the family is as powerless over the disorder as is the addict himself. The family is often in denial about the presence of this aspect of the disease, pointing to the addict as "the one" with the problem.
4. Therefore, the only person whom "you" can ultimately help is yourself; at least you are not powerless over your own actions, once you know what the options are. We advise that family members find a way to gain freedom from the effects of the disorder by finding others facing the same challenges. A good start is Al-Anon, founded over 60 years ago and helping millions (yes, millions) of families ever since. Visit www.al-anon.org and we hope you discover the path to freedom for yourself.

There are two main types of interventions, the professional type, and the do-it-yourself type. Both can succeed or both can fail.

1. Starting with the professional intervention. We may have seen the Reality TV version of the professional intervention which is a compressed version of the real thing. There always seems to be a happy ending, which is not the case in our experience.
2. The process between the two types is essentially the same. The critical aspect is: "Do we think our loved one addict/alcoholic is ready to accept help if we force that option on him"? The family must be determined and ready itself to take the risk associated with an unexpected confrontation.
3. The entire process can succeed or fail depending on the state of readiness of family members. We advise that, professionally led intervention or not, each family member read and discuss the landmark book on intervention, Love First by Jeff and Debra Jay.
4. The family must agree to some ground rules: be there to offer love and not blame, offer treatment which has been arranged for in advance, and be prepared to state consequences should the addict refuse help. These may include stopping financial support and asking the addict to find another place to live.

It is said that the fact that the family loves him is the one thing the addict cannot deny, for he tends to deny reality in countless other ways. Hence, Love First.

We have observed that family members who have a "big" problem on their hands become paralysed by the fear and anxiety that comes with chaos imposed by the disorder.

There is much help to be had once they overcome the unjustified shame that they feel as they awaken to unpleasant truths.

1. Education is the key that unlocks the door to getting the help they need and deserve. First, we suggest family members consult the major books on the topic, such as Alcohol Explained by William Porter and Drug Addiction by Gary Fike.
2. To learn more about the science behind alcoholism, visit www.niaaa.nih.gov and www.drugabuse.gov the website for NIDA, the National Institute on Drug Abuse. They are the world's most prominent authority on both disorders.
3. Chances are that family members live in a city where there are local Al-Anon offices and meetings available. They can also visit their local AA Central Office (that's what they are called) to see what literature is available for a modest price. All literature is pre-approved to make sure it comes from a trustworthy source.
4. Making an appointment with an AODA - Alcohol or Drug Addiction - counsellor is a wise choice. There the family member can share the most intimate details of family problems in complete confidence and get the insights they need to move forward.

Usually, other extended family members are the last to be consulted or told of the situation due to the shame that comes with having a problem child or spouse causing so much grief at home.

Education, however, is the key that unlocks the door to banishing shame and getting the help family members and their loved ones need and deserve.

It seems that there is never a good time for those who love an addict or alcoholic (who is clearly out of control) to intervene, as the addict will always find a way to evade the truth.

1. One of his favourite dodges is to verbally attack the responsible family member - usually a mum - and have her defend her position while the addict makes his getaway.
2. The alcoholic/addict thinks differently than you and me. You may believe that his drug abuse is the problem, and it truly is, but he believes otherwise. He believes you are the problem because you are in the way of his getting high.
3. We believe that your loved one should be approached not when he is high or drunk, but when he is reasonably sober and at a low ebb. He should be approached gently and asked whether this is a good time to get help.
   There is also the option of a more formal intervention. A great guide to reference is the book on an intervention called Love First by Jeff and Debra Jay.
4. But, be ready to have him go to a treatment centre or see a counsellor who may be standing by. If the treatment centre requires a flight, make sure his passport is in order and flight and treatment arrangements are made in advance.

The important thing to remember is that addiction is a disorder that you did not cause, and that there is always hope.

While they were drinking and using to excess, addicts ended up violating all the values they once held dear: honesty, kindness, integrity, hard work, playing by the rules, regard for others and for society as a whole.

Now comes the easy part for those who really want to stop the abuse - putting down the substance.

The hard part is to change the thinking, for as we hear in AA meetings: "We don't have a drinking problem, we have a thinking problem".

This is how we deal with the thinking problem:

1. What happens is that addicts in recovery re-discover their conscience, and for many, this is a mighty troublesome event. What they did in the past starts to haunt them and they begin to beat themselves up.
2. It is explained to them that they were in the grip of a powerful disease that compelled them to do some things that they now tearfully regret.
3. It is also explained that there is no point in staring at the video, but it is good to learn from it. They are not off the hook, however; at some point, they will have to own up to what they did and make amends.
4. Which leads to living and staying clean and sober one day at a time. Now that they have their conscience back up and active, they can but simply Do the Next Right Thing, and if they have a doubt, that's what a sponsor is for.

Those who enter into treatment and start to uncover their motives come to understand the dominant, even domineering, role that fear has played in their lives.

Fear was the subconscious thread that motivated much of what they did or avoided doing. There are two types of what might be called irrational fears - fears not supported by evidence such as "a truck is about to hit my car".

1. The first type of fear is the fear of losing something that we value. For an addict, it's losing access to his drug, due to lack of money or someone getting in the way. This fear is quite real to the addict and he will act it out in some insane ways.
2. The second type of fear is the fear of not getting what we want or demand. That may mean that the addict's instincts demand that he must have this or else! The outsize egomania shows up as King Baby, totally dependent and yet bossing mom around.

Anxiety might be seen as a low-level, persistent fear of what might happen but hasn't, and likely never will. It is a consequence of living in the future, playing a video which almost without exception is a disaster of one's own making.

These fears and anxieties carry over to sober life, for not all irrational thinking magically vaporizes when we put down the alcohol and drugs. It will take a new-found consciousness to recognise and face the fears that once owned us, but now they no longer have to terrorise our waking hours.

Even today, when we as a society are supposed to be enlightened, many fine citizens will insist that it is just a matter of willpower by an individual to just quit drinking alcohol or using drugs.

You might recall back in the day Nancy Reagan's campaign which she proudly called "Just Say No". That suggested that it was simply a matter of personal choice to not drink or use. That might actually have been true before the addiction took over.

Here is what has happened to shape our thinking about addiction:

1. The "just say no" thinking reinforced the view that addicts should be punished for saying yes. That they should be jailed, not helped. This view held sway all through the War on Drugs in the US. Our tax money was used to destroy and disrupt the supply without doing much about reducing demand here in the US, Europe and elsewhere.
2. "Just Say No" did nothing. It overlooked the true source of prevention - we needed as a society to embrace the idea that addiction is a disease, now recognized as such by science which has mountains of evidence to support the disease concept.
3. No less an authority than NIDA, the National Institute of Drug Abuse, calls drug addiction a "brain disease" that causes an irresistible compulsion to use and destroys the ability to think rationally. The brain has become physiologically changed from "normal" to diseased.
4. Thankfully, public attitudes and those of our public servants are changing for the better. Not-for-profits such as Shatterproof are aggressively pushing for and succeeding at instigating changes in local and federal legislation to make treatment more accessible and affordable.

Being struck by this disease should no longer be a matter of such shame. We are all better off if we do not see a bad person, rather we see a sick person who deserves our love and our help.

In the same way that "no man is an island", so too, is the addict or alcoholic part of a family seriously affected by his disease.

It is true and proven that addiction is a family disease, a concept often denied by family members themselves.

Here is the background to that idea and how it plays itself out:

1. The rooms of Al-Anon, a 12-step program created over 50 years ago to help families themselves recover, are full of people who first come there to seek education on "how to make the alcoholic stop drinking".
2. What they soon learn to their astonishment is that they are just as sick as the addict, save the abuse of drugs or alcohol. They suffer from anger and resentment, gripped by an intense fear of what the future may hold.
3. They engage in unhealthy, controlling and enabling behaviour: lying to cover for their loved one, searching for and discarding alcohol and drugs, attempting to control where their loved goes and who he hangs out with.
4. They learn that they are obsessed with their addicted loved one. Those who recover come to understand that they "didn't cause it, can't cure it and can't control it”. In other words, they are as powerless over the disease as is the addict himself.
5. So, without professional help and/or the help of others in a recovery group, the family continues its slide down to more dysfunction, more co-dependency and more insanity created by a relentless disease.

One of the myths out there is that paying for treatment is throwing good money after bad. There are just so many stories of addicts and alcoholics relapsing after treatment at even the most expensive facilities, it is indeed hard not to conclude that treatment does no good.

It is also true that the vast majority - our estimate is 90% - of those who achieve long-term success at sobriety have relapsed at least once on their way home. Many have relapsed three times or more. Giving it a try six times before "it" sticks is not unheard of.

The hard truth is also that many people throw in the towel and are still out there, or dead, or in prison.

We have also heard it said that saying that treatment doesn't work is like blaming the gym if you are out of shape.

Here are the factors that affect the success of treatment:

1. The addict has to make "this" his own decision and enter treatment for himself and no one else, even if his family or career will benefit.
2. He or she must be desperate enough to want to radically change their way of thinking and behaving. One often hears "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired".
3. There are many different types of treatment centres. The reputable ones are fully licensed, employ counsellors with college-level degrees in their profession, have MD's and nurses on call or on staff, and observe Best Practices.
4. There is a bottom line to this question as well: assuming the addict/alcoholic ends up in a properly run treatment centre, the odds of relapse are lowered if the individual makes a personal commitment and follows through all the way.

We are often asked what the odds are of long-term sobriety after a period of treatment.

That question of "odds" is second only to the question “can you help Johnny get clean and sober?" that we get asked over and over.

We don't ever want to look like we are evading the issue by saying simply "it depends". But the fact is that "it" - the odds of long-term success - does indeed depend on several factors which families need to pay close attention to.

1. The length of time invested in primary intensive treatment and in a secondary (sober living) setting. The odds go up the longer someone stays in a healthy, healing environment.

2. The willingness of the individual to surrender old ways of thinking and the eagerness to fully participate in all the therapies and activities made available. These are critical in the early stages of recovery.

3.  The understanding that the client must absolutely own his own recovery after treatment, for treatment is but a U-turn to get back to the right direction in life. This understanding then means following through on the "aftercare" part of his program: connecting to a 12-step recovery group, attending meetings, using his sponsor, reading the literature, developing a daily ritual, and so on.

At SafeHouse, we believe that traditional rehabs do not pay enough attention to the support clients need after treatment. Our We Care aftercare program is designed to close that gap.

Bottom line, the "odds" of long-term sobriety hinge almost completely on the strength of the personal commitment the recovering person makes to work hard to recover one day at a time.

We learn that:

1. Fentanyl is by far the most dangerous “new” drug to infiltrate society in recent decades. Far more dangerous than heroin or cocaine or meth. It only takes 2 milligrams of it to overdose and probably die. That’s two thousands of one gram.
2. It is easy to distribute because it is very light and easy to disguise in shipments through the mail or inside freight containers crossing land borders into the US.
3. It also kills because it is sprinkled into other illicit drugs like cocaine and marijuana and heroin. Users die from an unexpected hit of fentanyl, or they become more readily hooked on the drug of choice.
4. China is now known to be the major supplier of precursor chemicals to the cartels in Mexico who manufacture the finished product and run it across the land border into the U.S.
5. This problem is so huge that it will take efforts across society and government to choke the supply and the demand for it to the point where we can breathe a little easier. Each citizen has a stake in the struggle.

We learn that:

1. Sex and love addiction are as real as any other behaviour that is out of control and causes harm.
2. What is different is that each person gets to define what constitutes his or her bottom-line actions that define addictive behaviour.
3. It’s impossible to wake up and become a sex and love addict. It takes (often) years of behaving in a certain pattern that involves obsession and acting out.
4. It is only by complete surrender of one’s powerlessness over the addiction that recovery can begin.
5. Once liberated from the grip of the addiction, one can invest time once wasted selfishly on creative and altruistic pursuits.

We learn that:

1. Even to this day, three-quarters of medical professionals get no training in addictive disorders.
2. The MATE Act as passed recently in the US will require all medical schools to include substantial training in identifying and treating addictive disorders, including alcoholism.
3. This does not mean that anyone looking for help from a medical professional will automatically get help from someone trained in addiction.
4. It will take years for MATE to become embedded into medical schools.
5. This does mean that one should look for a qualified professional, one who has a degree or certificate in Alcohol or Drug Addiction (AODA) education.

We learn that:

1. Yes, there are things you absolutely must accept, such as the fact that there is no hope of a better past.
2. Or the fact that you have no real idea of what the future holds. You can plan for the future, but you do not have to live there, for it can be a fearful place.
3. One should make a conscious effort to strive for the insight that helps you understand what you can do something about. Much of that is in the attitude you take about caring for yourself.
4. If you happen to recite the prayer for yourself in times of stress or trouble, remember that it is your Higher Power that will help you gain wisdom and insight…but you have to do your part.

We learn that:

1. The disease is so slick and subtle that we can’t tell that addiction is starting its infiltration into our family - the whole family.
2. As parents or spouses of addicts, we will be compelled to be compassionate, but our innocent compassion morphs into enabling, and we can’t tell the difference.
3. We cannot stand the thought that our kid is an addict, so we will avoid the issue or cover it up vigorously for fear of what others think.
4. Then there is the business of desperate enabling which some people get caught up in. They will sacrifice everything, including their self-respect, to shield their loved ones from any serious consequences.
5. Even the savvy recovering person can miss the signs of addiction in a loved one. That said, once one is educated about the disease, and joins a support group like Al-Anon, one can let go in peace.

We learn that:

1. Denial is born of innocence. How is one to know what is addictive behaviour and what is not unless we are educated?
2. People often turn to professionals not qualified to diagnose addiction as the cause of mental disorders such as depression and anxiety. Addicts lie to get what they want: drugs and/or a professional diagnosis that says they are not addicts.
3. Denial and enabling go hand-in-hand. If mum does not know that her Johnny is really a crack addict, she’ll blame his troubles on a string of bad luck.
4. Addiction is a family disease. The whole family is unknowingly in the grip of a silent and invisible predator and begins to think and behave more like the addict than they realise.
5. Those of us lucky enough to have “recovered” can only look upon others who have not yet awakened with compassion and gratitude that we have come this far. There is help out there for everyone.

We learn that:

1. Science shows that addiction and/or alcoholism are brain disorders that cause affected people to lose the power of choice.
2. Therefore “Just Say No” only works in the very early going, say as a teenager who actually listens to his parents before he becomes addicted.
3. There is astounding and definitive evidence that the brain can heal from what was once thought to be an irreversible condition. This does not mean that addicts are cured.
4. What it does mean is that new, healthy ways of thinking and acting can create new neural pathways to replace the old, unhealthy thinking and behaviour.
5. That truth has been known since 1939 when the book Alcoholics Anonymous was published, describing the 12-step process which has been shown, by experience, to restore “hopeless” cases to sanity and a full and happy life.

We learn that:

1. The household affected by addiction or alcoholism is ruled by fear, shame, and judgment. Resentment plays its own insidious role, as well.
2. It does not have to be that way, but too few families, especially mums and wives, know the way out of their self-imposed prison.
3. They have not yet learned that it is indeed possible to let go of the fear and judgmentalism. They have not connected to people who are in the same circumstances as them but have overcome.
4. To be able to be fully present, to hear that small voice in the stillness is an art that takes time to cultivate.
5. If one is courageous enough, or perhaps desperate enough, to reach out and connect with the wonderful friends one is sure to find in Al-Anon, then there is the true promise of letting go.

We learn that:

1. Waiting for an addict to hit bottom before they decide to get help could be as good as a death sentence. Intervention must be considered in some form, whether by a professional or by a well-organised group of family and friends.
2. For those unfamiliar with the thought process of an alcoholic or addict who is unsure of whether they should seek help, a family member or friend should contact an addictions counsellor at a treatment centre to help understand the path to potential recovery.
3. Harm reduction strategies are a soft form of intervention, allowing the addict/alcoholic to make their own decisions based on where they are and where they want to be. It’s a new form of thinking that has helped many communities make life better for all.
4. The bottom line is that anyone at all can recover. Many long-time addicts and alcoholics have lost hope that they, too, can recover. Therefore, we as recovering people have an obligation to share the truth of the matter.
5. Some of the most convincing success stories come from people who hit a very low bottom, survived, tried several times to get sober, and finally succeeded. They show their gratitude by carrying the message of hope to others in dire straits.

We learn that:

1. No matter how high we end up flying, alcohol and drugs will bring us down so hard; we won’t know what hit us.
2. Denial is hardwired into our psyches; recall I did not tell my shrink that I was drinking, even though I saw her every week for nine months.
3. It really wasn’t until I got fired that I had to admit I was not sane. The job and its stature were the only things left that said I was still OK.
4. I got the message the hard way, and today I call it the gift of desperation.
5. Only in the first step of the 12-steps of AA is alcohol mentioned. The rest is all about accountability.

We learn that:

1. For many of us, we try to keep up appearances despite the emptiness and despair inside of us.
2. That leads us to lead a double life until that act blows up when addiction or alcoholism takes over and we lose our material position.
3. We, addicts, are completely unaware that addiction has taken over our lives and changed us in ways we would not recognise. An example is how I became a violent person, in fact violating every good value I once held dear.
4. It took another eight years of a horrible, insane life going ever further down (despite short-term success along the way, and lots of money to burn) before I woke up to what was really going on.
5. It may seem strange to you, but I was relieved to learn that instead of being clinically insane, all I had was an advanced case of addiction and alcoholism which explained almost all the crazy symptoms. There was hope at last.

We learn that:

1. Of the nineteen drugs/substances discussed, only alcohol and (to some extent) marijuana are up and up legal.
2. The vast majority of drugs that are used or abused are strictly made and taken to get high, period. There is no legal use for drugs like cocaine or meth or heroin.
3. Many drugs get diverted and abused and are not strictly illegal out of the gate, which makes these (mostly) opioids easy to get and harder to control.
4. Fentanyl is in a class all by itself. It is actually used in hospital settings as a highly effective painkiller in post-op situations. Its rapid spread is the result of its tremendous effect (100 times more powerful than heroin) and its ease of distribution by the good old US postal system. The fact that it’s also cheap allows dealers to mix it into other drugs, which then boosts their effect and also makes straight fentanyl the most popular street drug today.

We learn that:

1. The addiction crisis in the USA is deadlier than ever and has claimed over 107,000 lives by overdose in 2021 alone, and the trend is discouraging so far in 2022.
2. Addiction is loaded with stigma, ignorance and prejudice which keeps people from seeking help and limits access to resources needed to fund treatment.
3. The notion seems to be that addicts are “bad people” who actually chose to become addicts. By the time they might have said “no”, it was likely too late.
4. “These people deserve jail, not compassion or treatment. That’s because it’s not a disease, it’s a question of moral character”. The fact is that addiction is an equal-opportunity predator and disease.
5. Addicts are far from hopeless. There are millions of people in recovery enjoying productive lives today as the result of effective treatment and a personal commitment to do the right things.

We learn that:

1. If you happen to be lucky enough to be a recovering, (as opposed to active) alcoholic, you can overcome almost any obstacle if you put your sobriety first.
2. Those who put personal development and spiritual values ahead of material gain will find that material success will follow quite naturally.
3. Johnny personified the concept of grit which he attributes to truly surrendering to the teaching of his program, giving him the strength to get up off the floor and try again.
4. An essential part of a successful recovery program is to give back to those who still suffer, sharing one’s experience, strength and hope, thereby carrying a life-saving message.
5. Being fully present and in the moment is one of the gifts of a strong 12-step program. Johnny says that next to sobriety itself, a peaceful mind is yet another miracle.

We learn that:

1. The US authorities at the federal and state level are finally waking up to the threat of the designer drug of the day: Fentanyl and its analogues.
2. Medical education and training on substance use disorders needs to be substantially improved in over half of the medical schools in the US.
3. Whether or not you have a loved one who is addicted, you can help stem the tide of Fentanyl addiction which was largely responsible for 100,000 overdose deaths in the US in 2021.
4. Families should support the MATE Act of 2021, designed to improve awareness and treatment of substance use disorders by medical professionals.
5. Families should also support any investment in publicly funded treatment and intervention programs, including providing police officers and emergency medical techs (EMTs) with Narcan, an expensive, yet life-saving antidote to opiate overdoses.

We learn that:

1. Drug cartels and China-based suppliers are transforming the entire illicit drug industry from plant-based to synthetic.
2. Synthetic psycho-active drugs are exponentially more potent, more profitable and much easier to distribute.
3. It seems the harder we try to disrupt conventional plant-based psycho-active drugs, the more we stimulate the development of synthetic substitutes.
4. Our children can order Fentanyl or synthetic Marijuana on the dark web without having to go to the “hood” to get it. It will come in the mail to a PO Box and they’re off and running.
5. Federal and local authorities are finally raising the alarm about Fentanyl, and rightly so. EMTs in most states now carry the powerful antidote Narcan which quickly neutralises the effects of heroin and heroin-like substances.

We learn that:

1. The vast majority of families who live with an addict or alcoholic in their midst do not seek help for themselves or for their loved ones, despite having to live with the chaos and desperation that addiction imposes on a family.
2. A family intervention, absent a professional, requires meticulous planning, teamwork, leadership, a clear understanding of roles, and air-tight execution. Not much room for error or freelancing. (Read the book Love First, authored by Debra and Jeff Jay.)
3. Hiring a professional interventionist may be costly but could pay off in the long run. The professional is the firm, resolute voice of reason, and is unlikely to be taken in by the addict’s attempt to slip through a crack in the wall.
4. The newest form of intervention, CRAFT, which stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training, is based on teaching the entire family to think and act in a healthier way so as to pave the way for the alcoholic to choose to recover.

We learn that:

1. Anger never travels alone and is therefore accompanied by other emotions such as fear and hurt, common in addictive and co-dependent relationships.
2. Anger comes in so many disguises, it’s hard to identify it as the underlying cause of unhelpful behaviours such as rudeness, sarcasm or simply an unkind remark.
3. Fear of losing a loved one, of not finding a cure and of the shame that comes with addiction provokes frustration and rage with what is.
4. The sooner the responsible family member can identify and be honest with the feelings they are feeling, the sooner they can begin the journey of healing.
5. For that to begin, they will need the help of a counsellor trained in addictive disorders and, ideally, join an Al-Anon group to enable them to share their feelings and situation in a safe setting.

We learn that:

1. Dr David Burns’ research proves that how you feel is shaped much more by how you think rather than it is by your circumstances.
2. What this says is that caregivers need to examine the faulty thinking that could result in depression or prolong or deepen it, as life is already a challenge.
3. It is important that as the caregiver, you take a close look at the “illogical pessimistic attitudes” that shape your view of life, and if left unchallenged, will result in further damage to your self-esteem and to your relationships.
4. The best place to start your change for the better, that is, developing a more realistic and positive attitude, is to engage in a cognitive treatment therapist who is also an addictions specialist. That therapist must be qualified in both disciplines, and today, any AODA (Alcohol or Drug Addiction) specialist is likely to have experience and training in both.

We learn that:

1. Family members must not buy into the myth that an alcoholic or addict has to hit bottom before they will accept help. Believing that dangerous myth could take years to play out and could result in death or jail, or somewhere in between.
2. The alternative to standing by and watching the train wreck is to do an intervention in which the whole family participates, and it starts with education on the nature of the disease.
3. Stigma may be the greatest obstacle to reversing the drug abuse epidemic (and include alcohol, too), and it is our collective task to fight the stigma that keeps addicts and alcoholics and their families in a state of needless shame.
4. Choosing a professional to assess and treat the loved one whom you suspect is an addict or alcoholic is a critical decision. If the responsible family member ends up with a clinician not trained in addictive disease, the treatment may worsen the addict’s condition.
5. Supporting the MATE Act and others that promote more rigorous education on the nature of addiction and alcoholism can go a long way to reversing the addiction epidemic. Clinicians will become better trained to identify and treat an addictive disorder, which helps all of society.

We learn that:

1. Chronic pain is more likely to occur in families with an addiction problem in the home.
2. That is because of the extra burden of stressors imposed by dysfunctions and (according to Dr John Sarno) by suppressed rage.
3. Science has shown that chronic pain is as much a brain disorder as it is a physical problem.
4. Learning new neural pathways is a science-based way of looking at what recovery tries to do – unlearning unhealthy ways of thinking and replacing them with new attitudes and healthy ways of thinking and being.
5. There are countless resources to get help when the individual decides that enough suffering is enough and that there has to be a better way.                       

We learn that:

1. Free spending and addiction go hand in hand. A life of chaos and compulsion will include financial insecurity.
2. As a society, we are closer to the edge than we think. Almost half of us cannot afford to miss even one paycheck.
3. If we do not see addiction and financial insecurity as related and in crisis, we have not been paying attention.
4. As a responsible society, we need a robust program of education that starts early and teaches the facts about alcoholism, addiction, and money.
5. It does not have to be in dire straits as it is today. We can muster the will to change it for the better, for lives are at stake every day.

We learn that:

1. It is an illusion since we are 99.9% exactly the same and only 0.1% different. We are far more alike as humans than we are different.
2. It describes a state of mind where no one else matters; we are the centre of the universe, exactly what addicts and alcoholics believe.
3. Accountability goes out the window. Our actions may hurt other people but that doesn’t matter, so long as our own needs are met.
4. It’s only when those “unique” individuals to whom the rules do not apply, finally surrender the illusion, do they find any peace.
5. We are reminded in our 12-step program that selfishness can kill us – unless we wake up - because we are blind to the harm, we do to ourselves and others, too.

We learn that Group Therapy:

1. Is an indispensable part of the treatment process, as it gets people to open up in ways that are not possible otherwise, even in one-on-one settings.
2. Creates a powerful sense of belonging to clients who have heretofore felt only isolation from normal society.
3. Gives them an opportunity to begin feeling empathy for others “in the same boat”, which is a huge turnaround from their using days when they thought only of themselves.
4. Lifts the burden of shame when they begin to understand that the disease explains a lot of what they did and who they had become. They also begin to understand that being in the grip of a disease is not an excuse either.
5. Makes it clear that they need to take responsibility for their actions as they see the consequences more clearly.

We learn that compulsive spending and debting:

1. Are addictions much like any other – repetitive behaviour that causes harm, and that does not stop unless arrested by another force.
2. Reveal themselves in many different ways, usually by some form of vagueness and denial.
3. Are fundamentally spiritual problems that require a spiritual solution, for the idea that we will not be held accountable runs deep.
4. Can result in financial ruin which affects the entire family; compulsive spending by one person can bring the whole family down.
5. Is treatable in the form of Debtors Anonymous which was founded to help those with an addiction to spending and its evil helper: unrestrained debting.

We learn that:

1. Despite the economic and taxation lift that is evident in the sale of marijuana, the health costs far outweigh the benefits.
2. The data supporting decreased marijuana use among teens due to legalisation is thin. Marijuana use is highest in states that have legalised its recreational use.
3. Although there is evidence that the violent crime rate may be lower in states where marijuana is legal, it brings with it dire mental health consequences, the full weight of which have not been measured.
4. Although the public overwhelmingly supports legalisation of marijuana, all major public health associations oppose it, seeing it as a dangerous drug and a menace to our people.
5. We do not yet understand the long-term consequences of prolonged marijuana use. This author sides with the clinical evidence and opposes further legalisation.
6. Where I want to see a let-up is in the unnecessarily harsh prosecution and conviction of citizens who happen to possess a small amount of marijuana.

We learn that:

1. There is little, if any, doubt that recovery from even the most profound state of addiction or alcoholism is not only possible, but probable given certain conditions.
2. The best way to look at relapse prevention, given that relapse is what families fear most, is to learn that a change in thinking is at the heart of recovery.
3. The thinking changes from the inability to deal with life events and emotions without drugs or alcohol to learning how to embrace life and emotions exactly as they are presented.
4. Commitment separates those who make it and those who relapse. Commitment means action based on the principles of honesty, sacrifice, and giving, as opposed to using and taking selfishly.
5. What at first seemed like just a way to get clean and sober, recovery comes to mean a new world of opportunity in which one flourishes as a complete human being.

We learn that:

1. Among the most dangerous myths is the notion that an addict or alcoholic will not seek help until they are ready.
2. Another dangerous myth is the idea that addicts/alcoholics have to hit bottom before they are ready. We are asking the wrong questions.
3. What we should ask is: “What can we do to get them to accept help?” Standing by waiting for them to get ready might be as good as a death sentence for some of them.
4. Families of loved ones overcome by addiction must first learn as much as they can about the disease, lest they themselves fall prey to dangerous assumptions.
5. Interventions can be formal or informal. No matter the immediate outcome, the family has learned a lot and the seed has been planted for a future attempt.

We learn that:

1. Alcoholism by any count is the single biggest drug problem in the US and we dare say around the globe.
2. One of the most damaging myths is to allow the addict or alcoholic to hit bottom before they are ready to accept help. This attitude can kill, for some addicts drop to the point of death.
3. Addiction is a family disease where the addiction pulls the whole family down along with the addict, and it is, therefore, the obligation of the family to get help for themselves first.
4. Treatment works. If the individual takes responsibility for his or her own recovery in the context of a 12-step program such as Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous, the odds of long-term sobriety are greatly improved.

We learn that:

1. There is indeed an epidemic of drug abuse that will continue to take 100,000 lives by overdose unless we unite and take action to reverse course.
2. Synthetic opioids, primarily fentanyl drugs, are embedded now into most other drugs as a means of creating an addiction to the drug itself.
3. An overdose antidote called NARCAN has already saved the lives of thousands of individuals who might otherwise have died without it.
4. The state of addictions training among medical professionals in the US is appalling. Boston University’s Medical School is the only known example of weaving addictions education into all four years of study.
5. Family members can do a lot to help society reverse the trend in overdose deaths, to help other families heal, and to become a part of something greater than themselves.

We learn that:

1. Alcohol may be the deadliest drug on the planet because it is easily available, cheap and warps the mind at just .08% of the substance in the blood.
2. A few alcoholics are the real troublemakers. Ten percent drink half the alcohol and likely kill more than 50% of the 18,000 people killed by drunk drivers every year.
3. An amazing 38 million people binge drink every month, on average 4 times a month at 7 drinks or more each time out. There is not much difference by age or education. It is an equal-opportunity epidemic.
4. There is really only one good bit of news: alcoholism is highly treatable and most of its effects are reversible with the right treatment and a commitment by the alcoholic to become healthy again.

We learn that:

1. One could consider alcoholism an epidemic if we count a minimum of 14 million adults as having the disease.
2. And since it does not travel alone, those 14 million adults affect another 5 people each so 70 million are in one way or another affected.
3. The myth that we can protect our young people from the risks of becoming alcoholics by introducing them to drink early in life is one of the most dangerous myths out there. The facts speak totally otherwise.
4. The deadly effects of alcoholism are under-reported. Death certificates may say cirrhosis of the liver but do not mention that a lifetime of drinking was the real cause of death.
5. Alcohol is still a socially acceptable drug and being a drunk somehow carries less of a stigma than being an addict, even though one is addicted to alcohol.

1. Is responsible for more damage than most people realise when it is unacknowledged.
2. Triggers chronic pain, a relatively new finding in the research of chronic pain and a factor in families of active addicts and alcoholics.
3. Has our brains on alert 24/7 and is the major cause of stress-related dysfunction such as fear of further pain, leading to avoidance behaviour.
4. Inhabits the lives of dysfunctional addictive families, causing anxiety, denial, anger and depression.
5. Is the ultimate illusion and is overcome by qualities just as intangible but real in their own way: love and faith.

We learn that:

1. Educated, smart people have more difficulty accepting that they need help overcoming addiction than do ordinary mortals like you and me.
2. According to the experts, this is a class of people who have developed a sophisticated defence system that creates a wall of denial as to the seriousness of their condition.
3. There is a certain arrogance that stands in the way of surrendering their old way of thinking. They think they can study this thing, understand this thing, and defeat it in their own.
4. The turning point for many of these people has not yet been reached: they must make the journey from the head to the heart in order for the internal changes to begin.
5. One does not have to be religious and “God-fearing” to accept the idea of a power greater than oneself. All it takes is the willingness to surrender one’s old way of thinking and accept that “I am powerless over alcohol or drugs on my own.”

We learn that:

1. The vast majority of recovering people don’t get sober “for good” the first time out, and that is not surprising given the lack of knowledge about the true nature of their condition.
2. There are two main traps that need to be taken into account in the early going. The first of these is the idea that “we” can have a normal romantic relationship after just a short time in sobriety.
3. The fact is that our emotions have been twisted and warped by substance abuse and we are only setting ourselves up for a relapse if things go wrong. And they always do.
4. Going it alone is another of those myths that has to be entirely smashed before we have a decent chance of getting and staying sober. Isolation and loneliness are the twin killers of addicts and alcoholics.
5. The bottom line for those of us who have enjoyed long-term sobriety is that we have acquired a power greater than ourselves, and we are never alone as members of a Fellowship.

We learn that:

1. The whole truth is not being told as to the causes of death when it comes to addiction and alcoholism.
2. Silence and stigma cause shame, and shame keeps people sick, keeps them hidden and from not seeking the help they deserve.
3. Overdose deaths tripled in the last ten years and have been accelerated by cheap fentanyl, isolation, and financial hardships, all of which drive overdoses.
4. Educating ourselves about the nature of addiction as a brain disorder is crucial.
5. We can change the beliefs of many who still believe addiction to be a moral weakness that calls for jail, as opposed to getting treatment for those who still suffer.

We learn that:

1. If we do not surrender to a teaching, do not completely give ourselves “to this simple program” we’re likely to not get any of the major benefits that we ourselves seek.
2. We are all lazy to some extent in that we want to go through the motions and fear going deeper. It’s the fear that blocks us from personal growth.
3. We who have an “addict in the house”, a person whom we love dearly, discover in Al-Anon or in some other way that we are as powerless over addiction and as sick as is the addict himself.
4. We must ask ourselves if we want something for nothing, or if we are willing to make the necessary sacrifices in order to become free and grow as humans.
5. The essence of the art of life, it is taught, is the acquired ability to live in the present moment where the ego and the fears it generates disappear.

We learn that:

1. Enabling just feeds the addiction and makes it feel comfortable in our homes.
2. We can begin the process of intervention with a “soft intervention” that will help us identify and begin to eliminate enabling practices.
3. One way to help accept the idea of non-enabling is to join Al-Anon where we learn the art of detachment. We love the addict, but we no longer tolerate or allow sick behaviour.
4. The main ways to stop enabling serve to make addiction uncomfortable in our homes. Our goal is to make the drinking and drugging life so arduous so that the alcoholic or addict can’t take it anymore and recovery begins looking good.
5. Al-Anon will teach us how to regain our self-respect so that we no longer take unnecessary responsibility for the addict’s disorder.

We learn that:

1. We who live with an addict or alcoholic in our life know what it is to live in a world filled with worry, fear, and resentment.
2. It’s as if the sun has disappeared behind a dark cloud and we have forgotten what it was like to actually have fun and not feel guilty about it.
3. Then we learn, if we are lucky enough to discover Al-Anon or talk to an enlightened friend, that play is as important as work is, to live a full life.
4. We learn that play can completely rejuvenate our souls, give us a vacation from our frenetic minds and bring much-welcomed joy and creativity to our lives.
5. This can happen whether our addicted loved one gets better or not, as we have come to realise, we can only have power over ourselves, and none whatsoever over the disorder.

We learn that:

1. Addiction to gambling is probably the most dangerous addiction one could have when it comes to financial consequences.
2. Alcohol consumption can make a gambling addict that much more careless and heedless to dire consequences, even when it affects the entire family.
3. Gary, as a typical alcoholic/gambling addict cared only for himself and no one else: he was the example of a “self-will run riot”. Else, how could he have risked losing everything on one turn of the poker card?
4. Gambling and drinking have other things in common besides the inability to stop: they create conditions that breed dishonesty and grandiosity.
5. The addiction to the adrenaline rush is perhaps the one feature that distinguishes gambling from alcoholism. It is an addiction to a self-manufactured drug that kicks in when fear of losing is provoked or victory over the odds is imagined.

We learn that:

1. Deep sadness exists underneath all the light-hearted fun that comes with party time as a drinker. There is always the next day.
2. The tragedy of Adam’s story is of a talented man whose life was taken by alcohol, who admitted he was an alcoholic and yet did nothing to stop his downhill slide.
3. My love and friendship served to enable Adam, but I had no clue that I was contributing to his ultimate undoing. I had such a great time with him and loved him so much, I could forgive everything.
4. What the world would see as bizarre, Adam and I took it as if we were in a movie where the others are crazy, and we are the only sane ones.
5. Watching a man die in front of my own eyes did not shake me up enough to question whether I might not end up as he did from his drinking.

We learn that:

1. Some alcoholics will deny they have a problem despite all evidence to the contrary.
2. Part of Anthony’s problem was that people loved him and were loath to make him pay the consequences.
3. His good friend probably didn’t do Anthony any favours employing him when no one else would. He enabled him without knowing it.
4. The final straw came with the ultimate enabling – free money from an inheritance that would allow Anthony to drink to his heart’s content.
5. The real tragedy is a promising life taken away from a young man by alcohol and stubborn denial.

We learn that:

1. No one is exempt from the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of this disorder. Intelligence and achievement are weak defences against addictive disease.
2. It turns out that July, like so many other smart people, thought that she could outwit alcoholism, but found herself yet again on the losing end.
3. Her defiance seemed to be fuelled by her confidence that came with being successful in a demanding job. She had a sense of uniqueness that ultimately caused her to assert that “this bullshit is not for me.”
4. Even though we considered the intervention a success in that July did enter treatment, it seems her defiance caused her to take matters back into her own hands.
5. Addicts are heedless to the pain they cause others, for at a certain point, the addiction takes over and reveals itself as a rapacious predator. It cares not about anything or anybody except to feed itself.

We learn that:

1. A man can survive almost anything and still be taken down by this disorder we call alcoholism.
2. The power of family is evident in this story; it turns out that Francis was welcome wherever he went unless he was drinking.
3. He was able to outwit and outrun the enemy except for the one inside of him. There was, however, no thought of treatment in those days.
4. His legacy is unfortunate. Despite fond memories of his charm, his children were victimised by his disease.
5. It’s too easy to remember only the good times; we do a disservice to the memory of this much-loved man if we do not also recall with clarity what killed him in the end.

We learn that:

1. Here was an ordinary, nice woman who was overcome by the disease that her husband contracted through no fault of her own.
2. It became obvious that she was crying out for help, but she fervently denied the idea that there was anything wrong with her.
3. Her co-dependency was so profound, she stopped taking care of herself, focusing all her energy on the illusion, the myth, that she could help her husband stop his drinking.
4. The price that Cary paid essentially meant her life. Her body and soul succumbed to the stress imposed by the family disease of alcoholism and resultant co-dependency.

We learn that:

1. What starts out as an innocent friendship can morph gradually into a using and drinking companionship.
2. Roy had no clue as to what his life was becoming. The desire to smoke weed and drink alcohol overtook his ambition to finish his studies at UCLA.
3. That seemed to be the real signal that his life was taking the wrong turn. While I went forward - for quite a while - he went backward, and our paths never converged again.
4. The last time he was seen, Roy showed the dire effects of a life-long habit of abusing drugs and alcohol.
5. He never did get it and paid the price. I did end up paying a price, but somehow the gods had a different destination in mind.

We learn that:

1. Had I (Bruno J.) even known about the possibility of recovery, I believe April would not have bought it since she had not yet reached her bottom.
2. Nor did it appear as though her family tried to intervene, although I cannot be sure, since she never talked about her habit or her family.
3. Two dysfunctional people do not one whole person make. Our relationship was one of extreme co-dependency and addiction fuelled by unrequited sexual desire.
4. April's short life was ever more tragic in that she was extremely intelligent, savvy, stylish, and personable. All the makings of a successful life cut so short by a powerful and deadly addiction.

We learn that:

1. Chuck had established what was already a successful routine that included alcohol by the time I met him.
2. The ad culture back in the 70's was very male and focused on the intensity of work and of play, defined as drinking.
3. A young, ambitious man would adopt whatever he saw would help him succeed in fitting in, since belonging is such a powerful motive early in a career.
4. Although the good lessons I learned from Chuck carried me far in my career and accounted for some considerable success, the hard drinking lesson cost me dearly later on.

We learn that:

1. There is goodness within people that we don't often see because they are not "our kind".
2. Frank loved his beautiful daughter but was not able to help her due to his own addiction. It took a village to save her.
3. Johnnie must have figured out that she could no longer stay alive or sane if she kept up the life she was leading.
4. Ultimately, it was the luck of the draw that a space was available at a local rehab, and it is to her credit she seized the opportunity to help herself and keep her child.

We learn that:

1. It is possible to recover from addiction to drugs and alcohol regardless of one's life circumstances. We call the disease an equal opportunity predator and we call the 12-step program an equal opportunity saviour.
2. Angelo's story usually stops people in their tracks. Here's basically an illiterate guy who ends up with a good job and helps others stay sober. That is a higher power at work.
3. Angelo's belief in his form of a higher power is completely consistent with the idea of a "God of our understanding".
4. Angelo "got it" right at the start, and you will notice, he never did have a relapse despite the many challenges he continues to face every day.
5. His story, his charm, and his honesty continue to teach and uplift all who are privileged to know him.

We learn that:

1. Some of the most important friendships happen in early sobriety when we most need them.
2. There are the lucky ones who wake up and are still able to deploy their power of choice and say: "This is it".
3. It is possible to have a whole lot of fun when you get sober, and you do not need any help from a mind-altering substance.
4. We can undo what we have done - leave a dishonest relationship - after we sober up, even when it hurts to do so.

We learn that:

1. Some addicts never make it, and they end up in prison. The hard truth, but the real truth.
2. Even though science says that addictive disorder is driven by genetics, Lindsay's environment accelerated her decline into hard drugs taken on a daily basis.
3. Friends who want to save their friends do not let their unstable friends walk around with a loaded gun.
4. Sadly, love has not a chance against a powerful disease.
5. Had Lindsay been convinced to stay just a little bit longer in the treatment facility, her life and that of the man she murdered could have been saved.

We learn that we can:

1. Think of an addictive disease as an invisible vampire that preys upon your loved one and saps their strength on a "nightly" basis.
2. Create a powerful stake that is based on assertive love; love that does not take no for an answer and is calm and consistent.
3. Hate the disease and still love the person. We can confront the one we love with the truth while showing compassion.
4. Intervene on behalf of our loved one in the same compassionate way that the great teachers would have us do. Those of us who have more to give cannot abandon those who are in need. That, we should all believe, and is a law of the universe.

We learn that:

1. There is no cure for alcoholism or drug addiction, and any claims to the contrary are misguided and/or attempts to seduce us into buying a bogus service or product.
2. Untreated, addiction never gets better if left alone. It is well-known as a progressive disorder and has been proven so for over half a century.
3. Addiction and alcoholism are diseases of the brain in their own right, not as symptoms or by-products of other disease states. They are chronic medical disorders as defined by the AMA and countless other entities who are experts in the field.
4. Treatment for addiction and alcoholism has been proven to work for those who make the commitment to abstinence and address the mental and emotional distortions and immaturities that come with addiction. However, the recovering person must take full responsibility for his or her own recovery, as treatment is intended as a course-correction to get the individual back on the right path.
5. The odds of complete, long-lasting recovery are very good, despite the reports of relapses along the way. We consider a relapse as a reminder of how powerful the disease really is.

One of the most common sayings in the recovering community is: "Don't quit trying to quit" as very few of us got it on the first try.

We learn that:

1. Alcoholics who have not yet recovered do not understand that they only need to avoid one drink, and that is the first one, in order to stay sober.
2. After they put down the alcohol, they realise that they no longer have a drinking problem, but they do have a thinking problem arising from the fact that their brain is immature and not yet capable of thinking clearly.
3. The alcoholic or addict, even after he or she gets clean, remains an extremely self-centred individual, and it takes time and work for the user to fully acknowledge and make amends for the harm done to others.
4. As such, the AA* or NA/CA* program is not about not drinking; rather it is all about the development of a spiritual life guided by honesty, kindness, and courage that equips the recovering person to live a new, inspired life.
5. Those who love an addict or alcoholic and wish to recover from the family disease of alcoholism or addiction should consider joining Al-Anon, a 12-step program for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts.

*AA = Alcoholics Anonymous
 NA = Narcotics Anonymous
 CA = Cocaine Anonymous

www.aa.org   www.na.org   www.ca.org  www.al-anon.org

We learn that:

1. We who have lived or currently live in an addictive relationship with an addict or alcoholic are experiencing PTSD and need more healing than we perhaps realise.
2. It is possible to escape the trap of obsessive thought about our trying situation with a conscious attempt at becoming fully present.
3. One of the most powerful tools in the arsenal of recovery is that of meditation - present-moment awareness - which can be practiced alone or with others.
4. If we join others in the same life situation as ours, we shall find joy in a fellowship such as Al-Anon which will teach us how to become fully present and be able to once again live life one moment at a time.

We learn that:

1. Living with an alcoholic or addict will suck all the oxygen and joy out of your life no matter how hard you try to get it back.
2. You discover at some point, perhaps by the suggestion of a friend or professional counsellor, that you are as powerless over the disease of addiction or alcoholism as is your loved one.
3. That's where you learn - I hope in an Al-Anon meeting - that you are not alone, that there are thousands of people, mostly women, facing the very same challenges as are you.
4. You will learn to change your thinking and attitude and see your loved one as a sick person just as deserving of love as you are. You will learn the art of a loving detachment from his disease. You will finally find the joy you deserve, even amid sorrow.

We learn that:

1. Being ready and feeling ready are two very different things. We will never be ready if we wait until we feel ready.
2. All our lives, we have taken the right action whether we felt ready or not. We knew what we needed to do and went ahead and did it, because we made a small leap of faith.
3. Somehow, deep in our hearts, we want to make a big change. We want to break the chains of our old way of thinking conditioned by years of living with an alcoholic/addict that has brought us desperation and poverty of spirit.
4. We pray for a leap of faith that, ironically, is inspired by the desperation we have lived with for so many years. And now it is time to gain the freedom we deserve.
5. We take the action we were afraid to take, for now, we have acquired just enough faith to reach out for help, knowing that it will come in the form of loving people who genuinely want to help another person suffering from this disease.

We learn that:

1. The level of prejudice against those with a SUD (substance use disorder) is astonishingly high. Only one-quarter of adults believe that a SUD is a chronic disease.
2. The stigma associated with a SUD is the cause of thousands of preventable deaths every year, as shame is holding back even those who want help.
3. The main effect of stigma is the social isolation that keeps even those recovering from a SUD from fully participating in society.
4. Even medical professionals are not immune to stigma and myths associated with SUD, such as the use of medications to treat opioid use disorder.
5. You can only do so much on your own. Get in touch with Shatterproof.org and learn what you can do in your own hometown to help enlighten our society.

We learn that:

1. We simply do not think that discipline could mean freedom. We thought of discipline as a form of punishment.
2. Alcoholics and addicts of our type are fundamentally enslaved by our desires and cravings to get drunk and high as our only priority. Freedom to us was defined as doing whatever made us feel good.
3. To become truly free of the obsessions that ruled our lives, we have to work for it by applying a rigorous, consistent, and compassionate discipline one day at a time. As taught by the principles of our 12-step program.
4. Praying for the people we resent is perhaps the most surprising paradox the program has to offer, but it is guaranteed to change one's heart for the better, and free one's soul.

We learn that:

1. There are countless myths that active alcoholics and addicts believe in to make the world seem normal to them. Even when their reality is a dirty mess.
2. These myths all support the idea that alcohol and drugs are the solution, not the problem. The problem is always something other than the substance.
3. Only those who have known a low-bottom existence as active abusers can understand the feeling of zero self-respect and how hard it is to appear normal.
4. A spiritual experience offers the hope of a transformation that recovering people claim has saved their sanity and their very lives.

1. It really does not matter how you get into recovery, so long as you get started.
2. Families can be misled if they seek advice about addiction or alcoholism from one who is not trained in the disorder.
3. Desperation is a gift if you look at it the right way, and that is: it becomes a supreme motivator never to go back there ever again.
4. The beauty of AA and other twelve-step programs is that they do not preach to you. They deploy the time-honoured approach of storytelling to gently guide you into a better, saner life.

We learn that:

1. Science has identified certain regions of the brain that account for dysfunctional, alcoholic thinking, even when the addict or alcoholic is not using or drinking.
2. In addition, this aspect of brain chemistry is closely aligned with short-term gratification, heedless to consequences, characteristic of alcoholics and addicts.
3. Even a rational expert like Debra Jay understands that one's spiritual life becomes degraded when addiction enters one's life.
4. Restoration of one's spirituality should be the major goal to recovering one's soul and one's life. That is the main goal of 12-step programs after the alcohol and drugs are put away for good.

We learn that:

1. Overdoses are the leading cause of accidental deaths in the USA. Most people have no idea.
2. The easy availability and low cost of fentanyl play an outsize role in overdoses. It's the new heroin.
3. Only one-quarter of medical professionals have any training in addiction, which means we must choose very carefully and make sure they are 100% qualified to treat addiction.
4. We must speak up to our local leaders to make treatment more available, to make it known as a disease, and to make quality treatment available to all citizens regardless of race or belief.

We learn that:

1. Compulsive spending and debt go hand-in-hand. If we did not have a spending compulsion, the chances are that we would not use unsecured debt.
2. Most compulsive spenders and debtors use their behaviour to hide from emotional realities and do not want to be held accountable.
3. To stop over-spending and debting, we need to starve the compulsion lest it overtake us and make our lives hell yet again.
4. Participating in the fellowship of Debtors Anonymous can save us the pain of the consequences of unrestrained spending and keep us from hurting those who love us and depend on us.
5. The ultimate answer for us who have been saved from ourselves lies in working the Twelve Steps, one step and one day at a time.

We learn that:

1. Caregiving is a healthy desire to help another person in a purely altruistic manner, while caretaking is essentially a means of control.
2. Caretakers hold the illusion that by averting disaster yet again, they will have helped the addict by shielding them from negative consequences.
3. The family of an addict suffers not only from emotional harm and dysfunction, but family members are also known to suffer from a variety of stress-related physical disorders.
4. As the disorder progresses, and it always does, the enabling family will subconsciously make progressively greater sacrifices, not realising that they have become the worst enemy of their loved one.

We learn that:

1. Addictive relationships give rise to co-dependency and to perfectionism as a means of denial.
2. The pursuit of excellence is about making the world a better place while perfectionism is about looking good as a means of disguising the presence of the disorder.
3. Perfectionism is a form of spiritual dishonesty. If things are as great as we make them look, then we do not have to do anything.
4. It takes special courage to put a stop to the nonsense of perfectionism. The disease will ultimately destroy the facade in any event.

We learn that:

1. We have little understanding of the role of our unconscious instincts in determining how we respond to addiction in the family.
2. Addiction has essentially hijacked our rational responses. In the addict, the disease operates below the conscious level to fuel an insatiable demand for the substance; meanwhile, it has the family acting in a fight or flight manner.
3. We cannot buy into the trope that an addict/alcoholic must hit bottom before he or she will accept help. This myth kills, for what if the bottom means death? The answer here is to educate ourselves on addiction, find out what is possible and marshal the family.
4. Detachment does not mean throwing up our hands and saying: "I cannot do anything, so I might as well just take care of myself". That allows the unconscious to rule our world. Detachment means having a clear-eyed view of what we can turn over and what we can do now.
5. Healthy detachment requires that we make that leap of faith that enables us to gain compassionate insight and understanding of suffering. Detachment in its purest sense is the willingness to take action while knowing you cannot guarantee results, because the results are in the hands of a power greater than yourself.

We learn that:

1. To begin with, there are many myths that surround AA and other 12-step programs, and these myths are both archaic and dangerous. They can keep people from getting the help they so desperately need.
2. Some in our society reject science out of hand, and it is likely that these unbelievers would also reject any scientific proof showing that AA works. We are optimists yet realists, too. We will not yield to the cynical view that there is no hope of recovery.
3. The evidence from a meta-study of over 11,000 data points yielded conclusive evidence that AA is as, or more, effective than are a variety of approaches designed to treat alcoholism.
4. The bonus here is that AA has the potential not only to get and keep alcoholics sober but to lay the groundwork for a spiritual way of life.
5. The cost/benefit equation is almost impossible to express, as the ridiculously low price paid is dwarfed by the benefit of a life lived in peace and sobriety.

We learn that:

1. It's easy to underestimate the cunning, baffling and powerful nature of addiction and alcoholism if we are not made aware that it is relentless and progressive.
2. Some families believe that a few adjustments are in order and that the addict just needs to shape up and all will be well. That is a most dangerous illusion.
3. The hardest thing to change is to change the way we think. We are addicted to our opinion until pain intervenes and forces us to re-examine our cherished beliefs and prejudices.
4. A spiritual awakening seems to be the only thing that will break through the inertia which stands in the way of meaningful change by the family and their loved one.
5. Finding a champion may be just the catalyst the family needs to start intervening and building hope leading to the right and compassionate action.

We learn that:

1. The addict has their own logic, and it is not logical to us. Addiction does not make sense in the conventional sense. This is why it is so baffling to so many.
2. Detachment is confused with inaction, which is the furthest thing from the truth. Detachment means having a clear-headed idea of what the right action needs to be.
3. Many in addictive relationships have lost sight of the difference between what they can change and what they cannot. Learned helplessness is a conditioned response that happens when we do not closely examine what's possible and what is not.
4. Making it a moral issue will take us further in the right direction, as we must ask ourselves this: are we acting out of fear, or out of courage; are we acting out of anger, or out of love?

We learn that:

1. The myth that says "They have to hit rock bottom first before they are ready to accept help" must be smashed once and for all. That myth may be responsible for many unnecessary deaths.
2. If we as a society find it unacceptable to see untreated addiction in the same way that we see drunk driving, we will save countless lives. We must think of the countless different ways that we can and should intervene before it is too late.
3. The real problem is that the addict or alcoholic does not go down to the "bottom" alone. They take their family, including their children, with them.
4. The family has by far the greatest influence on an addict's or alcoholic's decision to accept help.
5. The concept of detachment is mis-interpreted to mean inaction when it means exactly the opposite: it means a healthy, clear-headed approach to taking the right action.

We learn that:

1. No one in the family is immune to the effects of an addictive disorder. That is why it is called a family disease.
2. Co-dependency is an inevitable by-product of addiction in the family, but it starts subtly and is barely noticeable at first.
3. The addiction sucks all the "right kind" of love out of the family members and replaces it with denial, guilt, and anger.
4. The concept of love becomes twisted into possession and control. Resentment rules when things are "out of control".
5. Changing the focus from taking care of the addict to taking care of oneself is the essential change that is needed to heal.

We learn that:

1. Surrender feels wrong when we believe we need to fight in order to win.
2. Families will try to outfox the disease by controlling their loved one's behaviour and access to money and drugs, but to no avail.
3. When the responsible party finally reaches out for help, they are told that the first thing that needs to change is their attitude. They need to shake off the illusion of control.
4. It is only when they surrender their old way of thinking that they can begin to see that their powerlessness is the key to personal freedom.

We learn that:

1. No family is immune from the infiltration of addiction into the family through one or more of the children.
2. What appears normal slowly starts to change. Where a child was outgoing, now the child withdraws from healthy, active pursuits and grades start to fall.
3. Discovery of a serious addiction to a powerful drug does little to change things, but it can have the parents cast about for answers far and wide. Some of the answers are costly.
4. The one dominant emotion after shame is fear. Fear of the unknown and of harm coming to a child can be all-consuming. Fear permeates the entire family day and night.
5. It isn't until the family admits its powerlessness over their child's addiction that they can begin to free themselves from its grip and accept the help they deserve.

We learn that:

1. A fine pedigree and all the material advantages one could possibly want does not make anyone immune to the lure of addiction.
2. Getting caught up in the high life creates an artificial sense that it could never end when the end is closer than it appears.
3. Even getting fired from one of the greatest jobs in the world wasn't enough to wake Tom up. The addiction had overpowered him, clouding his judgment as to the reality of his condition.
4. It took him almost freezing to death behind a dumpster to finally get him to admit complete defeat.
5. Guided by spiritual principles as taught by Alcoholics Anonymous restored Tom to sanity, allowing him to live a happy, sober, and productive life.

We learn that:

1. Isolation is a key characteristic of addiction, as addicts and alcoholics suffer from shame and from the fear of being found out.
2. The pandemic exacerbated the addiction problem due to the need for social distancing and rising unemployment among vulnerable populations.
3. We are taught in recovery that ending our isolation is critical to our healing, and that we are only as sick as the secrets that we as addicts keep, which caused our isolation to begin with.
4. We are also taught that a sense of belonging will come from attending 12-step meetings, sharing our secrets with a sponsor, and being of service to our fellow men and women in recovery, to our families and to society at large.

We learn that:

1. Marijuana is ubiquitous and is a greater danger than most people realise.
2. Its image and use are becoming normalised. Young people find ways to incorporate smoking it into their "routine” with new technologies such as vaping, previously reserved for "less toxic" chemicals such as nicotine.
3. Its long-haul health effects are not understood as well as they should be, especially as to its effects on brain development among children.
4. Help to overcome addiction to marijuana is available as with other addictions: professional counselling along with NA - Narcotics Anonymous in person and/or online meetings.
5. The family is advised to seek help for themselves by reaching out to counsellors and attending Al-Anon in person and/or online meetings.

We learn that:

1. Heroin has evolved from its original form as opium to the current state of heroin in its basic powder or black tar form and is now readily available everywhere in the world.
2. Heroin is more often than not cheaper than prescription drugs, and that helps explain why more addicts report heroin as the first opioid they tried.
3. The health effects of long-term heroin use are frightening. The disorders caused by long-term use include major damage to the heart, liver, kidney, and cardiovascular system.
4. Help is always available for those who care to look. Families should turn to professional addiction counsellors, point their loved one to Narcotics Anonymous, and get help for themselves by connecting to Al-Anon.

We learn that:

1. It is one of the most destructive drugs due to its unique ability to get users high almost instantaneously. As quickly as it gets users high, it causes a quick crash which has users craving for more immediately.
2. It is widely available, cheap, and pure, especially when it comes from Mexico, where most of it is produced.
3. Its main destructive effect lies in its ability to trigger paranoid psychosis which gives rise to violence and other forms of unpredictable, harmful behaviour. It also causes anxiety, fatigue, and extreme depression, along with weight loss and bad teeth.
4. Help is available for addiction to meth as with any other drug. The two key paths to recovery are Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and 12-Step programs such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Keeping in mind that a recovery program should have elements of both for recovery to take hold and flourish.

1. Fentanyl has found its way into virtually every class of drug, especially into opiates like heroin.
2. It is cheap, highly concentrated, and easily distributed due to its potency versus weight. It boosts the effects of many drugs, including marijuana and cocaine.
3. It is the tip of the spear of a new class of synthetic drugs, primarily from China, known as New Psychoactive Substances, or NPS which experts believe will ultimately replace ‘traditional’ drugs like marijuana and cocaine.
4. Fentanyl is just one of many synthetics that threaten the health of the community due to its ubiquity, variety, and low cost.
5. It is our hope that awareness of the threat of fentanyl (and its synthetic cousins) will spur action sooner rather than later by those who care for an addicted loved one, for help is available.

We learn that:

1. It is extremely addictive, far more than cocaine alone. For some users, one hit of crack gets them hopelessly addicted.
2. Crack addiction destroys the judgment of individual users very quickly and can destroy a life in a matter of a few months. Crack addicts are dominated by their craving for the drug to the point of selling everything of value.
3. Crack is closer than you think, as it is more easily available outside the typical poor parts of town and now has made its way to the middle-class schools in nicer parts of your hometown.
4. Denial of the existence of addiction in the family is common. It's incumbent on caring family members to be alert to the signs of its invasion into the home. Symptoms include unusual agitation, aggressiveness and paranoia.
5. Recovery from crack is a special challenge due to the intense craving for it; recovery is only possible with embrace of the truth and a genuine desire to get well.

We learn that:

1. It's an addiction just like any other in that it meets the criteria of uncontrolled, repetitive behaviour that causes serious harm to the gambler and to the family.
2. Compulsive gambling is a progressive illness which means that it will only make life worse for all affected unless arrested.
3. It is as destructive as is a drug or alcohol addiction. A "bad" bet can lead to fraud, theft and other dishonesties just to get the money for more of the same. Some report the loss of a home just to cover a bet.
4. Compulsive gamblers are not morally weak or inherently "bad" people. They are, however, very sick people who deserve our compassion and help.
5. Admitting defeat and getting help from GA and/or getting professional help is the first step out of the darkness, shame and despair that comes with the disorder.

1. Even if a family member may start out responding to life somewhat normally, the presence of addiction in the home amplifies the worst aspects of one's personality.
2. Co-dependents do not feel worthy as people and are continually looking outside themselves for validation. They feel profoundly incomplete and need another person to fill the void.
3. Co-dependents are dominated by what others think of them and are only OK if the other person is OK with them. They lose touch with their own feelings out of fear that expressing them will threaten the relationship they are hanging on to.
4. They abandon themselves out of fear of abandonment by others, especially by their beloved addict whom they try to "fix". They sacrifice everything, sabotage their very identity, and get nothing in return.
5. The cruel fact is that life will only get worse unless the co-dependent awakens to their powerlessness over addiction or alcoholism and gets the help they need. It is there for the asking upon their awakening.

1. Addiction is classified by scientists as a brain disorder, a change in the structure of the brain itself, caused by consistent, prolonged use of drugs and/or alcohol.
2. The addiction causes the addict (or alcoholic) to crave, seek and use the drug regardless of devastating life consequences. The addict has lost any semblance of self-control by this stage.
3. The addict will relapse even after long periods of sobriety unless he is part of a recovery support program, such as Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous (AA or NA).
4. He will undergo profound personality changes such as sociopathic-like thinking, attacking loved ones to defend his use of drugs, seeing the loved one as the problem, and putting more weight on how he appears to others because of his own shame and low self-esteem.

We learn that:

1. It takes surrender to gain victory over addiction, a thought that simply does not occur to us until we experience it ourselves.
2. Treatment transforms the way we think, from warped dishonesty to clear-headed and rational decision-making.
3. Treatment, however, is just the beginning of a journey that has the potential to last a lifetime if the addict fully embraces and practices the principles of recovery, one day at a time, every day.
4. Rebecca's dedication to her recovery should serve as inspiration to families that a happy recovery is entirely within reach regardless of any circumstance.

1. Material wealth does not protect one from addictive disease; it is an equal opportunity predator.
2. The chase for high social status brings with it a life of pretence which causes a family to place appearances above all else. It normalises dishonesty.
3. High expectations come with high pressure to succeed at all costs. Children of these families will turn to drugs and alcohol when the pressure becomes intolerable.
4. Rebecca is a courageous woman who paid a high price for her success in a man's world. She found the courage to try and try again. She made the right decision to get the help she needed at the turning point in her life.

1. A common dynamic in recovery is the presence of co-dependency which has one partner trying to control the behaviour of the other, a fruitless venture.
2. Bruno J. advises his fellow alcoholics to seek help from a professional and/or from Al-Anon to help protect them from needless suffering and to ease the threat to sobriety.
3. Surrender of his old ways of thinking puts the alcoholic in a position to win when his higher power enters the scene. He is no longer alone in his struggle.
4. Liberation from the slavery of alcohol also unleashes the mind to be truly creative and to imagine solutions never before thought possible.
5. Becoming a compassionate, selfless and honest human being who helps others achieve sobriety is a most worthy and achievable goal.
6. "A design for living that really works" is the best way to describe the rewards we get for thoroughly following the path laid out by the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

1. Drinking alcohol and using drugs is seen by future addicts and alcoholics as perfectly normal when they first start on their downward path.
2. Even those with good parents and a "normal" upbringing are not immune to the disorder forming within them. Bruno J.'s life as a teenager is a perfect example.
3. Taking the easy way out is a common characteristic among many addicts/alcoholics. They do not want to make sacrifices to attain an objective.
4. Perhaps the greatest lesson in early recovery for Bruno J. was the value of holding oneself accountable, of growing up and making amends where necessary.
5. Playing it by the AA book became the central, guiding principle that helped pave the way for Bruno J.'s next 20 years of successful recovery.

We learn that:

1. Insanity can be fuelled by the excessive use of alcohol and drugs alone. There need be no other causes.
2. Alcoholics and addicts who are still abusing believe that a change of scene will amount to a cure. They do not yet understand that "wherever you go, there you are".
3. Denial is a mighty powerful force. Bruno J. could not make the connection between his mental illness and his abuse of alcohol and drugs until the very end.
4. Relapses should not surprise the family; sometimes it takes the loss of everything that an addict values for him to come to terms, to surrender to the reality if his condition.

1. The alcoholic does not realise that they are on a slippery slope for a very long time and assumes their chaotic life is just the way it is.
2. There is a common paradox of high ambitions riding alongside irrational behaviour. Ultimately, sick thinking and destructive behaviour serve to sabotage those ambitions.
3. Changing jobs, geography and sex partners do nothing to solve a problem that the addict may not yet know exists, but he's running, nonetheless.
4. An active alcoholic as Bruno J. was at the time is not governed by any values. He is governed by fear and compulsion, by his instincts, appetites and whims. It's not until he surrenders his old ways of thinking that he can escape the tyranny of his disease.

1. This is a classic tale of looking for the geographic cure, that "wherever you go, there you are". We can't outrun the disease.
2. This is a progressive disease that accelerates in its downward trajectory. It never stops unless arrested.
3. Denial is a major characteristic of addiction. The alcoholic/addict is incapable of making the connection to his many symptoms of insanity and his substance abuse.
4. Toward the end, if there is an end, the abuser uses drugs and alcohol to deaden the feelings of intense inferiority and shame over what kind of person he has become.

1. It doesn't matter that a young man has a great upbringing if he develops a sense of being exempt from the rules.
2. The desire to escape reality is not a conscious choice; it arises from an immature mind coming to twisted conclusions at the time.
3. Alcohol and drug abuse will pave a slippery slope that is impossible to detect until one looks back to see how far and deep the slide can take you.
4. Being an infantile personality who doesn't want to be held accountable for anything he says or does is a shared characteristic of most alcoholics and addicts.

1. It is only by educating ourselves and the family that we come to understand that what is happening is indeed a disease and illness. Once this takes place, the pressures, feelings and most importantly the thinking changes.
2. Education on the topic leads to the realisation that we are powerless in the sense we cannot change the addicted person. We discover that this is out of our control and explore ways in which we can move forward with this process.
3. We learn where to get help, the support groups available and other recommended options to take. Again, we educate ourselves and understand that we are not alone in this. There are many individuals who are willing to help, have plenty of experience and can provide the best type of immediate support.
4. Sharing our experience and getting help from others is one of the most productive things we can do to better understand what to do. We learn that we are stronger together.
5. Sharing our experiences works both ways. Not only does it help us, but it also helps others. We learn that by doing so we become stronger, and our lives improve. We shift the focus from selfish, obsessive control to a selfless way of acting. In turn, we can bring happiness, hope and joy to those who once suffered the pain of addiction in the family.

1. It is often the family who notices changes and differences in their loved ones first and there are usually several patterns and specific characteristics which could identify that addiction may very well be the route cause. We look at some examples and things to look out for.
2. How to approach the situation with the person who is believed to have the addiction. In some cases, it is as simple as having that first conversation; we look at how that is possible.
3. The importance of educating yourself around the topic of addiction. It is by doing so that we discover that there are many support networks and paths that can aid you as a loved one. We learn that a problem shared is a problem halved and that things can become easier when others are on board.
4. The road ahead, all of a sudden is not looking like a dead end, there are a number of different solutions; we discuss what they are, what may be the best fit and what next step to take.
5. The importance of acting fast. Addiction is a progressive illness and we strongly recommend NOT leaving the issue on pause for any longer. The importance of following what is recommended will set you free as well as them. Plan ahead and go for it.

1. It's only in the latter stages of the disease's progression that the family member(s) actively seek help from the outside. Up to that point, they rely on their own resources without effect and are then subject to confusion and despair.
2. The family becomes as sick as the addict, reverting to all forms of controlling behaviour, lying, denying, hiding, covering for the addict, and living in a state of fear and shame.
3. Connect to a qualified professional who is trained as an AODA, Alcohol or Drug Addiction expert.  Be aware that some clinicians are not trained in this disease and could easily mis-diagnose the condition and take it for something else.
4. Rely not on hearsay and instead go to the best scientific resources and books we have listed above. Trust the science.
5. Find help for yourself, above all. You need to heal, too. At Al-Anon, you will meet people who will help you find the peace you deserve.

1. Parents are always at a loss of what to do, as they are not educated on the nature of the disease that has taken over their child.
2. Tony's mom, burdened by anxiety and fear, was nonetheless ready to sacrifice everything to help her son get sober.
3. At some point, even Tony knew he had a problem but couldn't figure out how to resolve it with or without help. His was what we call the "revolving door or relapse".
4. Only when he was truly sick and tired of living in guilt and shame did the "teacher" appear. That is when he made the decision to find a sanctuary and surrender his old ways of thinking.

1. Living one day at a time eases the fear of having to stay sober forever, as it focuses one on the here and now.
2. Connected to that idea is the peace that comes with attaining present-moment awareness, a concept that has been taught over the centuries and applicable to today, right now.
3. Perhaps the most Vital of matters is the journey from the head to the heart, born of seeking faith to gain understanding, and not the other way around.
4. The paradox of achieving victory in surrender and realizing liberation in discipline is a puzzle at first until we understand that surrender means giving up our old ways of thinking and that self-discipline will liberate us from the shackles imposed by the slavery of addiction.

1. In early sobriety, we ourselves don't notice that we are changing for the better, but the people close to us do. It takes consistent, sober and good behaviour to have people begin to trust us again.
2. It's not unusual for active addicts to create and sustain unjustified resentments, because unrecovered addicts are extremely self-centred and tend to blame others for their woes.
3. Holding oneself accountable and making amends are among the greatest challenges that recovering addicts and alcoholics encounter on their journey. As Adam says: "It's big boy time. Time to grow up".
4. Conversely, the burden is greatly eased when "We live one day at a time." Being fully present in the Now has been taught by gurus for centuries as the essence of the spiritual life, the reason we meditate to begin with.

1. A family's journey down the slippery slope toward desperate enabling starts slowly and imperceptibly, without the slightest suspicion that there is anything brewing.
2. Enabling is well-meaning, but it is misguided because it simply gives the disease the oxygen it craves to keep thriving.
3. The family deludes itself into believing that it has any power to arrest the disease when the truth is that they are powerless over the ultimate course of a progressive disorder.
4. Chaos will rule the house unless some form of intervention takes place, almost always with the help of a professional trained in addictive disease.
5. When Alice and her husband made the decision that they needed to live their own lives without guilt did the chaos subside. That decision meant that they could finally live happily together, one day at a time.

1. "There was a point where I had become a rageful person, but I didn't really know who I was. I would wake up and wonder what I would do that was crazy or violent. Plus, I was scared all the time - of what hurt I would inflict on an innocent person".
2. "Here is the irony: I ended up graduating from college in the UK (I was kicked out of the previous one for violence and drunkenness) and landed a good job as a project manager. So, my disguises worked for a while".
3. " My addiction to opiates accelerated after my hip surgery - I had many injuries from street fighting - soon, I would be popping Vicodin, Oxycontin and also Xanax all day and then some heroin too".
4. "The end came like this: I went home and attacked my father. I then went into my room and started cutting myself. I called my psychiatrist who urged me to go to a rehab right away. I flew to Thailand the same week".
5. I am now 2 plus years sober and clean. I go to a lot of AA meetings (many on Zoom) and my greatest joy today is helping other guys of my generation get and stay clean and sober. If this menace to society can do it, anyone can".

1. He was plagued by deep resentment toward his father who was, in Adam's young view, not attentive enough to his desire for love and affection.
2. Despite, or because of, being part of a very affluent family in Dubai, he was let loose on the "streets" where he could do whatever he wanted, including the sampling of every drug under the sun.
3. He became a chameleon like many addicts, changing his personality to fit into the crowd at the time. Peer pressure to conform during teen years is already intense, and his desire to fit in was only amplified as he slipped into addiction at an early age.
4. He relates that his disease progression accelerated as he started to use more onerous drugs, resulting in violence and alienation from family and society. He relates his journey to the wake-call in Part Two.

1. "If I weren't then using, I would not have found myself in bizarre situations like a house of prostitution in Jakarta. I ended up with a fellow Canadian buying heroin to sell it later in Thailand. The penalty for that could be death. I shudder about that to this day".
2. "I still struggle with the idea that addiction is a disease, and not a moral failing or personal weakness. I say that if I can kick it, why can't they"?
3. "Then again, I have gained a lot more empathy for others who do indeed suffer, largely based on my conversations with the people at Safehouse Rehab who have had me come around quite a bit".
4. "I have also learned about ACOA - Adult Children of Alcoholics - which has taught me that I carry the effects of this disease whether I am aware of it or not. I now understand why it is said addiction is a family disease".

1. Addictive behaviour is hardly ever recognized for what it is early in the process; it is seen simply as hurtful, especially to innocent people like children in the family of an adult addict.
2. Frank's story clearly shows that one does not always become an addict despite the abuse of drugs. He had not lost the power of choice after all and rather chose to help his friends who were suffering from the effects of their addiction.
3. Addiction to drugs and alcohol can strike anyone, anywhere, and at any time. Even those who achieve wonderful things can be victimized by the disorder later in life.
4. There is much to be said about the power of a loving person who is able to have the addict see the light; the addict must at that point choose that it is better to become abstinent than absent from a decent life of purpose and meaning.

We cover the following topics:

1. Family members need to make the distinction between the person as an addict and the addiction as an entity that warps his thinking and takes over his thought process.
2. The sole purpose of the addiction is to feed and protect itself. It lives in constant fear of death, of being denied the means to stay alive and thrive.
3. It, therefore, employs a full suite of clever strategies designed to have it flourish, and to protect itself whenever threatened. It plays both offence and defence.
4. The main strategies addiction and alcoholism use as fuel to keep their motors running are: denial, justification, deception, and manipulation of the people who love them the most.
5. Recognizing that it is the addiction which has stolen a love one's thinking makes it easier to say no to the person one loves and will prove to be a liberating and empowering idea.

We ask them to consider that:

1. They can have an impact on the larger picture of improving outcomes by supporting initiatives such as the ones proposed by Shatterproof.
2. In so doing, family members will have the satisfaction of knowing that they are not powerless to be of help to society. They can help put a stop to ineffective, marginal solutions to a central problem.
3. By practicing the modern approach to recovery, SafeHouse Rehab meets or exceeds all Best Practices for treatment.
4. We are proud to support the efforts of organizations whose mission is to improve outcomes for those with substance abuse disorder.
5. Working with others to support positive change will rejuvenate the spirit of family members who know they are doing something to help a cause that is greater than themselves.

He comes to the following conclusions:

1. It wasn't until I put on a new pair of glasses and looked back at my life to see how I had embedded a drug into my life as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
2. Even after extreme embarrassment, I continued to not acknowledge, to deny, that I was profoundly addicted to pot (in addition to alcohol and other drugs) and yet I continued to seek it out.
3. "It" starts early for most users, and because marijuana is cheap, easily available, and socially acceptable, it becomes readily integrated into daily life for young people.
4. This is a place for me to tell you that today's pot is six to ten times more potent in its THC content than in the past; addiction comes faster and becomes more debilitating than ever before.
5. When I admitted that I was utterly powerless over marijuana and alcohol and sought help, I understood that I could not use any mind-altering substance to have a life free from the insanity I so feared.

We make the following points:

1. Treatment is a short but necessary period that gives the client an opportunity to change the way he thinks and behaves.
2. Therefore, the most important part of recovery is what happens on a daily basis after the client leaves treatment.
3. That's why we focus so much on aftercare: our We Care program is built on the Recovery Wheel and follow up designed to optimise the chances of long-term sobriety.
4. The 12 Spokes of Recovery are a handy reminder for our clients to focus on their recovery first or increase the risk of relapse.
5. Bottom line, recovering addicts and alcoholics need to own their own recovery, for what we do is help them help themselves.

Unlike a cult, Alcoholics Anonymous, AA:

1. Is about privacy, not secrecy, in order to protect the identity of individuals who would prefer to remain anonymous. Because there is still the stigma associated with an addictive disorder.
2. Encourages you to go out and make a difference in the world now that you are no longer a menace to society.
3. Does not ask for money; it's the best ROI one could imagine, as one could spend nary a penny and still attend every AA meeting free of charge - if one is so inclined.
4. Has no charismatic leader or guru. AA is a not-for-profit corporation led by a board of directors who elect a chairperson to speak for the fellowship on matters affecting alcoholics and alcoholism. More can be learned, and literature can be ordered at www.aa.org
5. Members believe as they wish. The power of "we" is a mighty force that keeps us together. Carrying the message of hope will keep the fellowship alive and will alleviate needless suffering.

We make note of the following:

1. A success rate for a rehab is a misnomer because almost all success in staying clean and sober relies on the client's owning his or her own recovery after treatment.
2. We at SafeHouse recognize the responsibility we have for giving our clients the best possible chance of long-term success; that's why we provide all clients with a suite of customized tools and assistance through our We Care aftercare program.
3. "One day at a time" speaks to a deep truth. It means that we can achieve victory over addiction for the long-term, but we can only do it one day at a time. It keeps us focused on the only day that matters today.
4. There are paradoxes we never thought about before recovery. That there is a victory in surrender when we were always taught to fight, that there is liberation in discipline when we thought that discipline meant constraint.
5. Helping other addicts and alcoholics get and stay clean and sober is what we call "The magnificent reality of our fellowship". In so doing, we overcome the intrinsic selfishness that characterized us as sick people, undergoing an essential healing experience, nonetheless.

We conclude the following:

1. Families who have an active addict in their midst invariably experience shame, and as a consequence, are compelled to keep that fact secret.
2. Secrecy requires great effort to maintain. Lying, denial, and covert behaviour take their toll.
3. Toxic shame can be acquired over time when the family member's self-worth collapses under the weight of trying to fix the unfixable.
4. Many of the crazy things we did (as addicts or as a family) that caused shame are explained by being in the grip of a powerful disorder, but that fact does not excuse anything. We still need to be held accountable.
5. There is great and realistic hope for the regaining of one's self-respect when the suffering family member acknowledges powerlessness over another's addiction and begins her own journey of recovery.

We cover the following topics:

1. The signs of early-stage addiction are so subtle, there is a high likelihood that loved ones will miss them, and therefore they will attribute troubling behaviour to a "normal" cause. Mom may be starting a dance with the disease early, well before she's conscious of its effects.
2. Parents don't want to admit that there may be "that kind of problem" at home because doing so will reflect badly on the image of their family. Shame is known as a most powerful force for a reason - it keeps things hidden from view.
3. The parent is inclined to make life easier for her addict in the mistaken belief that by making him more comfortable, somehow, he will change his ways, when the enabling just encourages his disease to take over.
4. At some point, the addict lost the power of choice, but that does not mean his behaviour is in any way excused. He needs always to be held accountable, as that is an essential part of de-enabling.
5. There is much hope for healing for the still-suffering loved one of an addict/alcoholic. We highly recommend you seek the freedom from a disease that you didn't ask for by trying the fellowship of Al-Anon where you will find love and understanding given to you by those who share your life story.

1. Watch for best-practice, evidence-based treatment processes and by all means, do not fall prey to miracle cures when we all know there is no cure, but there is treatment.
2. A truly professional treatment program will be licensed by the Thai Ministry of Health and will employ staff specifically trained in addictions counselling, as we have here at SafeHouse.
3. Because many addicts and alcoholics are dually addicted, staff need to be able to identify, validate and treat both sides of the equation. Addiction might arise from trauma, abuse or mental illness to begin with.
4. Aftercare is critical to long-term success. This fact also touches on the "success rate" which, quite honestly, is dependent on how dedicated to self-care the client is after leaving treatment. At SafeHouse, we work extra hard at giving clients the best possible chance at long-term sobriety with our ‘We Care program’. The bottom line is to reduce the odds of a relapse, the fear that all members of the family carry with them.
5. The family dynamic has been warped by the presence of addiction in the house. The family needs to be educated on the nature of the disease and how they can best help their loved one recover, and not enable him further which can only lead to relapse.

The key features of Thai treatment at SafeHouse Rehab are as follows:

1. We stand apart from other rehabs in Thailand because we are dedicated to advancing the art and science of recovery in a clinical setting.
2. We asked ourselves, at the moment of our founding, what we could do differently, and better, to transcend where treatment is today, modernize the recovery process and thereby improve the chances of a lifetime of recovery.
3. That's why, today, SafeHouse Rehab represents the modern approach to recovery, founded on safety as our first priority. We absolutely outperform traditional Thai treatment rehabs with a sophisticated intake protocol, application of proven new techniques, and a more robust aftercare program.
4. The bottom-line benefits to our clients and their families for choosing SafeHouse Rehab Thailand become evident when they see how much further their investment in recovery goes in comparison to any other facility in their home countries.

1. In this climate of concern about Safety, the fact that we are founded on the very idea of Safety and that it's part of our very name, our DNA, shows that we've taken the issue seriously right from the start.
2. We do not aspire to be a luxury resort treatment centre. Instead, we've designed our facility to be integrated into a diverse community that best replicates real life in a supportive, safe and supervised environment.
3. SafeHouse Rehab represents the modern approach to recovery. We absolutely outperform traditional rehabs in Thailand when it comes to the intake process, the application of new, yet proven techniques to enhance recovery and a robust aftercare program.
4. Our value at under $10,000 a month represents a best-in-class value compared to the luxury treatment centres in Thailand. Compared to the $30,000 - $50,000 monthly fees that treatment in the US and elsewhere command, our world-class service can only be seen as an exceptional investment in saving a life.

That said, we are mindful of the fact that all rehabs must conform to basic principles of treatment which have yielded success for clients who fully commit themselves to recovery.

We cover the following topics:

1. Thailand leads the world when it comes to medical tourism, therefore having a drug and alcohol rehab here is right in line with why people come here: first-rate medical treatment in a caring and safe culture, a warm climate and in a country who has valued foreign visitors for generations.
2. At SafeHouse Rehab Thailand, we are able to take full advantage of the opportunities afforded us given the strength of the US dollar to operate our rehab clinic and deliver professional services at a cost the fraction of what one would pay in the US.
3. Although we as a rehab community in Thailand all want the same thing for clients, i.e. a lifetime of clean and sober living, we are committed to transcending the traditional ways of getting there.
4. To that end, we offer a truly modern approach to recovery. Our goal is to absolutely outperform traditional rehabs when it comes to the intake/detox process, the adoption of new techniques that enhance recovery, and a robust aftercare program which we call 'We Care' that's designed to help our clients own their recovery over a lifetime.

1. The addict is a genius at putting up a normal-looking front in order to deceive his loved ones that he is OK. He is even told that he is a "high-functioning alcoholic" by a professional.
2. His life, however, has been taken over by his addiction: chasing the drug, getting, and staying high are all that really matter.
3. Despite his outward appearances, he is insecure, anxious, depressed, and unstable. It takes quite the effort to disguise his inner shame and turmoil.
4. His loved ones have no clue as to the crazy life he lives and the needless risks he takes, especially once he goes on a bender.
5. Addicts and alcoholics of affluent families are often shielded from the worst of the consequences, at least in the short term.
6. Enabling the addict simply and always delays the inevitable trip to the bottom with no guarantee of making it back up.

1. When you're an addict, you act out of impulse, without regard to the consequences to yourself or others. The impulse is almost invariably about feeding the addiction with more of what gets you and keeps you high.
2. Before you know it, you may end up in situations that could get you killed, and if not that, get thrown in jail for being party to a major crime. You, the addict, wonder how a man like yourself with a degree from an Ivy League school could ever end up this way.
3. There were signposts on the way to this kind of hell, but Oliver's mom didn't or wouldn't recognize them, and if she did, nothing was done to intervene early when it would have mattered the most. As a loving mother, she did what she thought was right at the time.
4. What this story of a Close Call with Death tells us is that Oliver could keep up appearances of normalcy while hiding how he felt about himself and what he was actually doing in his so-called leisure time. In this respect, Oliver is no different than other addicts and alcoholics.

We learn that:

1. Non-addicts have a hard time grasping how much power an addiction has over an addict. Most people would be shocked by the way an entire existence can be directed toward getting drunk or high.
2. An untreated addict has no more control of his actions than you might if you were starving. In the grip of an addiction, your loved one's previously held standards and principles no longer apply.
3. Addicts act without thinking of the consequences that their behaviour has on themselves or on others, whether the consequences are immediate or way down the road.
4. All an addict really ever wants is to get and stay drunk and high, preferably both, and also look normal while doing that. The addict knows, however, that he is putting up a front while he feels deep shame inside.
5. Think of the addiction as an entity that has taken your loved one over. And because an addiction's only purpose is to feed itself, it uses a wide array of strategies, hijacking the addict's intelligence, skills, and relationships.
6. It is almost impossible to not take the things that the addict does personally, but when you see them as symptoms of the disease - the addiction -  at work, as opposed to actions of evil intent on the part of your loved one, some of the burden is lifted, and you can then go forward with your own healing.

1. The reality is that there is not much, if anything, you can do to change the trajectory of your loved one's disease, short of an intervention. Even then, there's no guarantee that it will stick.
2. If you don't address what the disease has done to your psyche, it won't matter whether your loved one cleans up or not. You will still be fearful, controlling, and resentful, unless you embark on the path of healing for yourself, and only for yourself.
3. The main illusion that drives this state of mind is the notion that we have any power over the disease, and we end up doing misguided things, and we believe these myths because we are so desperate to have this nightmare over with.
4. So the very first thing to get past the point of being stuck is to let go of old, ineffective ideas, and to adopt a new and healthy way of thinking.
5. We conclude in our desperation that we need to acquire some sort of power that could do for us what we haven't been able to do for ourselves.
6. Some of us find that power in our Al-Anon meetings where the collective wisdom of its members guides us to a new and liberated way of life which we have deserved all along.

1. Look for a pattern that suggests secrecy and behaviour that is off the norm along the lines I outline below.
2. Look to have a loving conversation, not a confrontation, ideally with both parents present.
3. Gaining a better understanding of the academic and social challenges facing your teen can only help you have a more loving conversation with your teen.
4. First, look to get your own state of mind in a good place; after all, this is as much about your own peace of mind as it is about the health of your son or daughter.
5. Avail yourself of the many sources that can help you gain the insight and support you need in order to successfully navigate troubled waters.

1. People in recovery, whether in AA or Al-Anon or other 12-step programs must hold themselves accountable for their behaviour as part of their progress in personal development and healing.
2. The after-effects of living in a dysfunctional family include co-dependency where the adult child feels overly responsible for the behaviour of others and becomes easy prey for manipulative people.
3. The irony is that the more we tried to control our addict loved one's behaviour, the more we were drawn into behaviour that resembled the very addiction we were vainly trying to vanquish.
4. Liberation from the grip of addiction on family members starts with surrender to the truth that the caregiver, the mom or wife or dad is as powerless over addiction as is the addict himself.
5. There is plenty of help available if one is at the point of "enough is enough". We caution those seeking help from a professional make sure that he or she is a qualified AODA practitioner, lest uninformed advice prolongs needless suffering.

We have learned that, speaking for the family member who loves an addict:

1. Addiction has had a far more powerful effect than we realized. It denied us any sense of normalcy and dealt out punishment that, ironically, we inflicted upon ourselves.
2. All of our energy is wasted on a hopeless endeavour until there is nothing left over for attending to our own needs. Instead of giving of ourselves, we give ourselves away.
3. By surrendering to the simple truth, that we are completely powerless over someone else's addiction or alcoholism, we begin to unleash better possibilities for ourselves.
4. We now understand that at some point in our healing, we will be able to detach from the addict's insanity in a healthy and loving way. That is our goal.
5. We are then able to live our lives unencumbered by fear, resentment, self-pity, or regret. We are able to unleash boundless energy in pursuit of our own aspirations.

1. Loved ones, family members where one of you is an addict, are perfectly set up to become so-called "victims" because the addictive disorder is imposed upon you without your permission, without warning.
2. The idea that "bad things will keep on happening" says that "things" are outside themselves and overlook the idea that change needs to happen on the inside if there is any chance of a better life.
3. Blaming others or outside forces is a handy way to duck personal responsibility and it has a payoff: not much work is required to hold onto an infantile attitude and have people feel sorry for you.
4. Those playing the victim role will continue to do so unless someone close to them, someone in a 12-step meeting - or if they are in a therapeutic setting - first shines a light on their self-defeating attitude.
5. The victim then sees that she is only a victim if she believes she is. Perception had become confused with reality. The shift from self-pity to self-assurance arising from faith then becomes possible.

1. Al-Anon can not only help families who are not addicts themselves, but it can be a vital tool in helping addicts focus on their own recovery.
2. Having a daily ritual helps keep the recovering person stay on track, reinforcing healthy behaviour and attitude.
3. Sharing feelings with people you trust serves to relieve the pressure of stuffing them and/or turning to a substance to escape them.
4. Tomas readily embraces that his addiction and co-dependency, including his being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) all played a role in the development of his disorder, and he freely seeks help from whatever resources he needs.

1. Some people become alcoholics or addicts because they need substances to soothe the deep emotional pain caused by toxic family situations.
2. When the whole family is sick, there are no rules by which to live "normally", and therefore no guidance as to what is right or wrong in the moral or ethical sense.
3. The quest to understand what one is feeling is a great challenge for those who have had to stuff their feelings just to survive as a kid at home.
4. The desire to belong is a powerful force and needs to be fulfilled for healing to begin. Belonging means the end of isolation and the start of a journey into the light.

1. One of the strongest barriers to seeking help with an addiction is the stigma associated with the concept of "addiction", still a taboo among traditional communities.
2. Much of our society still sees addiction as a moral failing and believes that addicts need to be jailed, not treated.
3. Addiction is not seen by our society as a valid disease that causes the addict to lose his power of choice and engage in purely compulsive behaviour, heedless to the consequences.
4. The whole family becomes sick with the twisted emotions and dishonesties that obliterate normal life when there is an addict "in the house".
5. Families have more help available than they realize if they care to educate themselves on the possibilities for reaching out and truly helping the one, they love. www.aa.org and www.al-anon.org
6. Supporting organisations such as www.shatterproof.org can go a long way to bringing help, not punishment, to those who still suffer.

1. The Johari Window is yet another useful method for therapists to use in the recovery setting involving addicts and their loved ones drawn into the dysfunctional world of addiction.
2. The whole point of the Johari Window is to uncover truths about ourselves by smashing illusions that stand in the way of healing.
3. Group therapy is a powerful tool designed to steer us from denial and unhealthy, self-defeating thinking onto a path that requires us to be fully honest with ourselves. The group will catch us if we are not.
4. Becoming more open by shining a light on our secrets will have them lose their power and ease the burden of stuffing our (misguided) feelings of shame.
5. Working through each Window in a group therapy setting i.e. Open, Secret, Blind and even Unknown will help liberate us from old ideas that do not serve us well anymore, especially now that we see the light.

1. The "Pursuit of Happiness" is a hollow promise if we pursue it directly and not see it as an outcome of living a worthy life.
2. A new Freedom and a new Happiness promised by recovery programs is based on having the freedom to make better choices and happiness that is an outcome of helping others. Happiness not as a result of taking, but as an outcome of giving.
3. A new basis of living is created when recovery is practiced with full commitment. A saying in AA goes: "Some of us tried to hold onto our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely".
4. Embracing the idea that both the addict and the family member are completely powerless over the addiction and that therefore they need help from a power outside themselves - in whatever form - is the beginning of healing.

1. Treatment is but a start to recovery as a lifelong endeavour. It is, nonetheless, best achieved one day, one action at a time.
2. It will come as no surprise to veterans of the 12-step program that the things that keep us sober are the same things that make us better people. It is about spiritual development aka as becoming mature, responsible people.
3. A loving discipline is at the heart of recovery. We will be liberated from the deadly grip of this disorder when we practice the rituals of our 12-step program, aided by a sponsor who knows his or her way around.
4. As your mind clears, you will rediscover long-forgotten pursuits that you once enjoyed; you will be able to think logically and make better decisions; fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave you.
5. You will enjoy being alive again and will become grateful for the progress you have been making on your start to a new and amazing life, better than you could possibly have imagined.

1. The odds are that in an addicted household, the disease has run through the family like a freight train, destroying any semblance of normalcy and wrecking the family finances.
2. Being or becoming a compulsive spender and debtor, although not limited to addicts and their families is a common and tragic outcome of addictive disorder. It sows chaos across every dimension of family life.
3. The fundamental dynamic of spending and being in debt uncontrollably is an infantile desire to not be held accountable for anything, really. That's why the 12 steps of AA are so pertinent; the same sentiment holds true for addicts and alcoholics. We are all children who do not want to grow up.
4. The many symptoms I called out above are meant to see if you can identify with some of these behaviours and attitudes and to see if you could find some release from the bondage of debt.
5. It is indeed not about the money which is but a signal of the problem. It's about the compulsion, and with the Tools of Debtors Anonymous, some of us have been blessed to find our release from this potentially tragic compulsion.

1. You could be addicted to the addict himself and not know it until you have to look at it and begin to see your addiction as the cause of your pain.
2. Those who love an addict/alcoholic are just as powerless over their loved one's addiction as is the addict himself.
3. Co-dependency is revealed and amplified in families who have an addict in their midst, and it results in much irrational behaviour. Co-dependency shows up as obsessive thinking and controlling behaviour.
4. All driven by the illusion that if we obsess and manipulate "effectively", the addict will change his ways. The cruel fact is that he just wants to get high, today, every day. Sabotaging his life in a vain attempt to escape life's inevitable reality.
5. Although there are other ways of dealing with the presence of addiction in our lives, I can only speak to the sanity-saving power that comes with practicing the principals of the Al-Anon program.
6. AA is found at www.aa.org Al-Anon is found at www.al-anon.org and we are at www.safehouserehab.com

1. Probably the most prominent sign of a coming relapse is DENIAL which stands for Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying. So even if one were to call the addict on his slippery behaviour, he will minimize, evade, lie, blame a family member, or bad luck, on anyone but himself.
2. Not getting a sponsor or not talking to him or her is an almost-sure sign that the addict’s program is adrift. That inaction goes hand in hand with not having a regular schedule of 12-step meetings.
3. Not acknowledging and understanding the consequences of one’s actions is a sure sign that the addict has something else on his mind.  It is a truism that the addict has begun relapsing in his head quite a while before he takes that drink or picks up that drug. Again. This is where the game of denial starts to play out.
4. Best at this stage to have a talk with his therapist, counsellor, sponsor, or anyone else the addict might be close to in the recovery context. We get caught up in trying to help the addict any way we can that makes sense to us, and therefore it’s natural to try to “figure this out” without having an objective perspective on the disorder and how it works.
5. Another danger sign is spending way too much time on regrets of what the addict did in the past, the “would have and should have” done this or that. By focusing on the past, and not letting it stay there with the occasional glimpse in the rear-view mirror as a learning tool, obsession with the past steals the present moment. We teach that the past (and the future) do not exist in reality and that the present moment is where we live. That concept is what gives the idea One Day at A Time such immense power.

1. A return to a more normalized schedule results in a healthy, predictable rhythm for the day and for the night. It helps to have a written schedule of activity for the 24-hour period, even if you just say “play 2-4 pm" as an example.
2. Exercise/fitness: chances are, your physical body has been over-stressed by not eating right and by lack of exercise. Getting into a fitness routine is not just a nice suggestion. It is vital, that you get on the fitness path, if only slowly at first. You will start to build your stamina for life as it is meant to be lived today.
3. Re-learning to eat right is part of your self-care program. This may sound boring, but the fact is that you have likely not been paying attention to the things that matter in life. That's not a condemnation; it’s just the disease playing its destructive role in disrupting everything that is normal, including how you nourish your body, and your mind, too.
4. Getting a sponsor who will help you work your 12-step program is without question one of the main pillars of recovery, at least in our book. We are fully aware that the 12 steps are not the only way to recovery and God bless the other ways if they help save a life from needless suffering and even death.
5. Doing the things that make us grow, give us joy and have us become a productive member of society is a main pillar of recovery. That includes reigniting a passion like art or music, going back to a trade school, or starting college anew, and becoming involved in giving back to our fellow travellers on the highway of recovery.
6. Fully embrace that addictive disorder is just that: it’s a disease that had you in its merciless grip and helps explain much of what you did that brought you shame and may still. But please understand this: there is absolutely no shame in having this disorder. None whatsoever. You are taking a courageous step in arresting this disease in its tracks.
7. Having an objective view of ourselves when we finally make our amends is a key test of how well we are doing: “This is what I did, and I am here to say I am sorry, and I'm also here to pay you the money back". That’s all we owe. We are there to clear our own consciences so that we are no longer carrying shame and guilt. At some point that has to end, anyway.

1. Embracing the idea that there is a victory in the surrender of old ideas in favour of a healthier way of thinking is a major and necessary factor in the journey out of an addictive life for both the addict and his loved ones.
2. The family members who embrace the idea that they are also greatly affected by addictive disorder will see that smashing a cherished illusion - that they have the power to control this disease - is sheer folly.
3. Therefore, shifting the focus from the outer world to the inner space of the family member so that she liberates herself from the 24/7 obsession with her addict is the first step in healing.   Freeing oneself from inner torment through acceptance of powerlessness paradoxically regains our own power to change from within.
4. They will understand and accept a foreign idea – that the answers to their suffering are within each of them as individuals, for themselves, and for no one else. This awakening will shine a light on the path to healing and to a joyful life that they have been longing for.

1. Families new to addiction carry the illusion that the problem is with their addict and do not yet know that they, too are as sick as the addict himself.
2. They believe that they have some control over their addict’s behaviour and are shocked to discover that they have zero chance of affecting the addict’s drinking and using over the long term.
3. Addicts and alcoholics get away with murder because they put the blame on the unwitting family member who accepts responsibility for a sick situation caused by the presence of the disease.
4. The caregiver/mom needs to smash the illusion that she has any real control over her outer space which includes what her beloved addict is doing or not doing. She mistakenly believes that by obsessing over her addict that somehow, he will magically change, when the answer lies within herself.