The Stuck Stops Here Wed, 04 Mar 2026 14:26:23 -0500 http://www.thestuckstopshere.com en-us © 2026 The Stuck Stops Here yes f5590959-1cf4-56b1-8183-e0f6e9e9d683 Tammy Sue episodic true I am on a healing journey, breaking cycles of toxic family patterns of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse that have plagued my family for generations.  My children deserved better than what I got so I embarked on a path of healing, addressing the internal pain caused by the rage, fear, guilt, shame, rejection, manipulation, and neglect that I was raised with. This quest for authenticity and peace is an endless journey of discovery and recovery with no finish line.  I hope my story, truth, humor and mistakes inspire others and that is why I am sharing my story. 

Tammy Sue

]]> Buzzsprout (https://www.buzzsprout.com) Narcissism, psychology, ptsd, cptsd, trauma, mental health, emotional intelligence, toxic parents, codependency, personality disorders, guilt, fear, neglect, empathy, relationships Tammy Sue https://storage.buzzsprout.com/18ti5gm2zlim2i966kni3t03vrco?.jpg The Stuck Stops Here http://www.thestuckstopshere.com Meredith Joy Tammy Sue TSSH 66 - Karma Delivers and it Sucks TSSH 66 - Karma Delivers and it Sucks When narcissistic parents starts ageing, people eventually see through the false charm and see the person for who they really are.  Their behavior tends to get worse with the passage of time.  As time takes its toll on their looks and their health they painfully realize that admiration is a thing of the past. Time has taken its toll. Narcissistic parents are immature, angry, volatile and controlling. Sadly, their parenting was not nurturing but a dictatorship where they have all the power and control. Eventually, their children get sick and tired of their behavior and reduce or eliminate contact.  Much like a drug addict without their supply, the narcissist can’t cope when supplies become scarce and run out. They become chronically depressed and angry and find no pleasure in anything and become more demanding and worse by the day.  Narcissists love the idea of family and take comfort they have a reliable support system...which means knowing that they have people who enable, embrace and justify their selfish behavior.  Narcissists see love as very one-sided and not as a genuine experience of connection, empathy, and warmth.


https://youtu.be/UmiPqhDOVrI

"The Tide Is High " is a 1967 song written by John Holt. Used for entertainment purposes only.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> When narcissistic parents starts ageing, people eventually see through the false charm and see the person for who they really are.  Their behavior tends to get worse with the passage of time.  As time takes its toll on their looks and their health they painfully realize that admiration is a thing of the past. Time has taken its toll. Narcissistic parents are immature, angry, volatile and controlling. Sadly, their parenting was not nurturing but a dictatorship where they have all the power and control. Eventually, their children get sick and tired of their behavior and reduce or eliminate contact.  Much like a drug addict without their supply, the narcissist can’t cope when supplies become scarce and run out. They become chronically depressed and angry and find no pleasure in anything and become more demanding and worse by the day.  Narcissists love the idea of family and take comfort they have a reliable support system...which means knowing that they have people who enable, embrace and justify their selfish behavior.  Narcissists see love as very one-sided and not as a genuine experience of connection, empathy, and warmth.


https://youtu.be/UmiPqhDOVrI

"The Tide Is High " is a 1967 song written by John Holt. Used for entertainment purposes only.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10317035 Fri, 25 Mar 2022 09:00:00 -0400 675 66 full false TSSH 65 - Bigger! Better! Faster! More! Now! TSSH 65 - Bigger! Better! Faster! More! Now! All-or-nothing thinking is a a cognitive distortion.  Cognitive meaning the way you understand, think, and perceive. And Distortion meaning misleading or irrational. All-or-nothing thinking and fear of failure paved a perfect path to perfectionism.  I was raised with impossibly high expectations that I could never meet and as miserable as that made me, it was familiar, so I stayed on that poison path for far too long and continuously moved the goalposts for myself.  I still cringe when I recall my flawless execution in my attempts to control everything. I over-planned, freaked out when things don’t go according to my plan, obsessed over small details and catastrophized everything.  I was addicted to friction as if perpetual struggling was my sole purpose here on earth.  Believing that I had power over people and situations was abusive both to myself and the people around me.

" For What It's Worth (Stop, Hey What's That Sound) " is a song written by Stephen Stills.  USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> All-or-nothing thinking is a a cognitive distortion.  Cognitive meaning the way you understand, think, and perceive. And Distortion meaning misleading or irrational. All-or-nothing thinking and fear of failure paved a perfect path to perfectionism.  I was raised with impossibly high expectations that I could never meet and as miserable as that made me, it was familiar, so I stayed on that poison path for far too long and continuously moved the goalposts for myself.  I still cringe when I recall my flawless execution in my attempts to control everything. I over-planned, freaked out when things don’t go according to my plan, obsessed over small details and catastrophized everything.  I was addicted to friction as if perpetual struggling was my sole purpose here on earth.  Believing that I had power over people and situations was abusive both to myself and the people around me.

" For What It's Worth (Stop, Hey What's That Sound) " is a song written by Stephen Stills.  USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10288842 Mon, 21 Mar 2022 10:00:00 -0400 705 65 full false TSSH 64 - Now You See Me. Now You Don't. TSSH 64 - Now You See Me. Now You Don't. Object Constancy is a cognitive skill we acquire at around 2 years old and is defined as the ability to maintain an emotional bond with others, even where there is distance and conflict.  In adulthood, Object Constancy allows us to trust that our bond with those who are close to us remains whole even when they are not physically present.  We understand that absence does not mean disappearance or abandonment, only temporary distance. Babies that are instilled with object constancy develop secure attachment and cultivate sense of trust from within themselves, rather than relying on constant reassurances from external resources.
Children with no object constancy are plagued with an intense fear of abandonment.  If we experienced severe early preverbal attachment trauma, and have extremely distracted, chaotic and emotionally unavailable caregivers, our emotional development is stunted and we never had the opportunity to develop Object Constancy leading to Fear of Abandonment.

https://www.thefemininewoman.com/abandonment-issues/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/abandonment-trauma-5211575

Right Back Where We Started From " is a song written by Pierre Tubbs and J. Vincent Edwards.  USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.  



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Object Constancy is a cognitive skill we acquire at around 2 years old and is defined as the ability to maintain an emotional bond with others, even where there is distance and conflict.  In adulthood, Object Constancy allows us to trust that our bond with those who are close to us remains whole even when they are not physically present.  We understand that absence does not mean disappearance or abandonment, only temporary distance. Babies that are instilled with object constancy develop secure attachment and cultivate sense of trust from within themselves, rather than relying on constant reassurances from external resources.
Children with no object constancy are plagued with an intense fear of abandonment.  If we experienced severe early preverbal attachment trauma, and have extremely distracted, chaotic and emotionally unavailable caregivers, our emotional development is stunted and we never had the opportunity to develop Object Constancy leading to Fear of Abandonment.

https://www.thefemininewoman.com/abandonment-issues/

https://www.verywellhealth.com/abandonment-trauma-5211575

Right Back Where We Started From " is a song written by Pierre Tubbs and J. Vincent Edwards.  USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.  



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10270835 Thu, 17 Mar 2022 19:00:00 -0400 746 64 full false TSSH 63 - Be Silent and Obey the System 🤫 TSSH 63 - Be Silent and Obey the System 🤫 Toxic family rules live at the center of a dysfunctional family system and are designed to keep secrets hidden, enable abuse, keep children in line and avoid responsibility while also preventing safety, growth and connection.  Toxic family dynamics can have far-reaching impact on our lives as adults.  Children of toxic parents are emotionally starved. The family dynamic functions around the needs, wants, desires, and chaos of the parent. Children are viewed as objects, things to be controlled, used and manipulated.  There is no amount of storytelling we can do that will be more powerful than the societal standard held to never separate from family.  We live with a grief not accepted or understood by society. 

https://www.barbara-whitfield.com/healing-the-child-within
https://drsherriecampbell.com/

Parody of Our Lips Are Sealed by Jane Wiedlin, and Terry Hall used for entertainment purposes only.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Toxic family rules live at the center of a dysfunctional family system and are designed to keep secrets hidden, enable abuse, keep children in line and avoid responsibility while also preventing safety, growth and connection.  Toxic family dynamics can have far-reaching impact on our lives as adults.  Children of toxic parents are emotionally starved. The family dynamic functions around the needs, wants, desires, and chaos of the parent. Children are viewed as objects, things to be controlled, used and manipulated.  There is no amount of storytelling we can do that will be more powerful than the societal standard held to never separate from family.  We live with a grief not accepted or understood by society. 

https://www.barbara-whitfield.com/healing-the-child-within
https://drsherriecampbell.com/

Parody of Our Lips Are Sealed by Jane Wiedlin, and Terry Hall used for entertainment purposes only.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10121927 Tue, 22 Feb 2022 09:00:00 -0500 777 63 full false TSSH 62 - 3 Miserable Musts and 8 Destructive Beliefs (Dr. Albert Ellis) TSSH 62 - 3 Miserable Musts and 8 Destructive Beliefs (Dr. Albert Ellis) Albert Ellis, who is considered the 2nd most influential psychotherapist in history died in 2007 and believed psychological problems are due to pervasive patterns of irrational thought.  It is not events that create emotional states, but the way we interpret them. Chronic unhappiness is not caused directly by adversity but by us, it is our irrational beliefs and thoughts that cause suffering.  He said “There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy”.  These 3 musts are illogical, they distort reality, prevents us from achieving goals, lead to self-sabotaging behavior and makes us miserable.  Life is not fair, and things don’t go as planned.  We cannot control everything all the time.  Albert Ellis explained the emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in an unpredictable world and there will never be any absolute certainties.  The emotionally intelligent person knows that it is not always horrible when things don’t go as planned.  If we choose to stay addicted to certainty, our perception of and reaction to life experiences will be self-defeating and counterproductive.
 
http://www.albertellis.info/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Albert Ellis, who is considered the 2nd most influential psychotherapist in history died in 2007 and believed psychological problems are due to pervasive patterns of irrational thought.  It is not events that create emotional states, but the way we interpret them. Chronic unhappiness is not caused directly by adversity but by us, it is our irrational beliefs and thoughts that cause suffering.  He said “There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy”.  These 3 musts are illogical, they distort reality, prevents us from achieving goals, lead to self-sabotaging behavior and makes us miserable.  Life is not fair, and things don’t go as planned.  We cannot control everything all the time.  Albert Ellis explained the emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in an unpredictable world and there will never be any absolute certainties.  The emotionally intelligent person knows that it is not always horrible when things don’t go as planned.  If we choose to stay addicted to certainty, our perception of and reaction to life experiences will be self-defeating and counterproductive.
 
http://www.albertellis.info/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10102177 Fri, 18 Feb 2022 15:00:00 -0500 691 62 full false TSSH 61 - Codependency Defined-Redefined-Explained-Renamed TSSH 61 - Codependency Defined-Redefined-Explained-Renamed “Something happened to us a long time ago. It happened more than once. It hurt us. We protected ourselves the only way we knew how. We are still protecting ourselves. It isn’t working anymore.” ― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

“recovery is a process rather than an event.”
― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

Millions of people grew up in alcoholic homes. But what about the rest of us? What about families that had no alcoholism, but did have perfectionism, workaholism, compulsive overeating, intimacy problems, depression, problems in expressing feelings, plus all the other personality traits that can produce a toxic family system much like an alcoholic one?  Millions of us struggle with these kinds of dysfunctions every day, and falsely believe we are alone.

Self-Love Recovery Institute: (selfloverecovery.com)

https://positivepsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/Codependency-Questionnaire.pdf

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> “Something happened to us a long time ago. It happened more than once. It hurt us. We protected ourselves the only way we knew how. We are still protecting ourselves. It isn’t working anymore.” ― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

“recovery is a process rather than an event.”
― John C. Friel, Adult Children Secrets of Dysfunctional Families

Millions of people grew up in alcoholic homes. But what about the rest of us? What about families that had no alcoholism, but did have perfectionism, workaholism, compulsive overeating, intimacy problems, depression, problems in expressing feelings, plus all the other personality traits that can produce a toxic family system much like an alcoholic one?  Millions of us struggle with these kinds of dysfunctions every day, and falsely believe we are alone.

Self-Love Recovery Institute: (selfloverecovery.com)

https://positivepsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/Codependency-Questionnaire.pdf

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Secrets-Dysfunctional-Families/dp/0932194532

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10042164 Wed, 09 Feb 2022 08:00:00 -0500 787 61 full false TSSH 60 - You Stay There. I Will Go Here. TSSH 60 - You Stay There. I Will Go Here. Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. It means verbalizing what impacts your comfort levels. It means learning how and when to say "no." When we set boundaries, we’re less angry and resentful because our needs are getting met and our space is respected. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated.  Toxic people will do everything they can to ignore and bulldoze through the boundaries we try to set.  They will blame, ignore, manipulate, guilt trip, abuse and criticize until you concede. 

Recommended reading
The Monster Under the Bed by Kim Fiske 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. It means verbalizing what impacts your comfort levels. It means learning how and when to say "no." When we set boundaries, we’re less angry and resentful because our needs are getting met and our space is respected. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated.  Toxic people will do everything they can to ignore and bulldoze through the boundaries we try to set.  They will blame, ignore, manipulate, guilt trip, abuse and criticize until you concede. 

Recommended reading
The Monster Under the Bed by Kim Fiske 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10034589 Tue, 08 Feb 2022 09:00:00 -0500 565 60 full false TSSH 59 - 10 painfully good things and 10 uncomfortable great things TSSH 59 - 10 painfully good things and 10 uncomfortable great things The healing journey was and is not easy for me.  It is a continuous and rigorous cycle of aha moments followed by grief followed by acceptance.  If your parents were narcissistic, controlling,  smothering, unavailable, overly critical, manipulative, angry and emotionally immature...you may feel as lonely and disconnected as I have felt and battled the same crippling anxiety and depression that I did.   I fantasized often that my parents would admit their mistakes and makes amends, that I would achieve more success than them and shove it in their face,  and that the outside world would see my parents for who they really are and reject them.  Having these fantasies reinforced and intensified my misery and kept me stuck.  In this podcast I share the knowledge I have acquired during peaks and valleys of my healing journey. I hope it helps.

Link to Brene Brown

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The healing journey was and is not easy for me.  It is a continuous and rigorous cycle of aha moments followed by grief followed by acceptance.  If your parents were narcissistic, controlling,  smothering, unavailable, overly critical, manipulative, angry and emotionally immature...you may feel as lonely and disconnected as I have felt and battled the same crippling anxiety and depression that I did.   I fantasized often that my parents would admit their mistakes and makes amends, that I would achieve more success than them and shove it in their face,  and that the outside world would see my parents for who they really are and reject them.  Having these fantasies reinforced and intensified my misery and kept me stuck.  In this podcast I share the knowledge I have acquired during peaks and valleys of my healing journey. I hope it helps.

Link to Brene Brown

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10021336 Sun, 06 Feb 2022 13:00:00 -0500 652 59 full true TSSH 58 - I'm Back. Less Bitter. Better. TSSH 58 - I'm Back. Less Bitter. Better. In March of 2021, my youngest daughter and her teammates experienced horrific emotional abuse from the coach of a Division 1 collegiate athletic team.  It was a sickening combination of narcissism, toxic leadership, and verbal abuse and I was crushed by it as there was nothing I could do.  I witnessed my daughter getting the exact same treatment that received during my entire childhood and I worked SO HARD to make sure she never experienced it.  And here we were.  The panic attacks that disappeared 30 years ago came back.  The anxiety and depression that I had diffused a few short years ago returned with vengeance.  I could not think straight or sleep much less do a podcast. I had to disappear.  After a couple of months when this coaching situation resolved itself, I accepted a full-time job and also sold my house in the suburbs and moved to the city in 2021. 

But now I am back...and begin with detailing the first visit with my mom in a year.

Link to Glennon Doyle's new book - Untamed

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> In March of 2021, my youngest daughter and her teammates experienced horrific emotional abuse from the coach of a Division 1 collegiate athletic team.  It was a sickening combination of narcissism, toxic leadership, and verbal abuse and I was crushed by it as there was nothing I could do.  I witnessed my daughter getting the exact same treatment that received during my entire childhood and I worked SO HARD to make sure she never experienced it.  And here we were.  The panic attacks that disappeared 30 years ago came back.  The anxiety and depression that I had diffused a few short years ago returned with vengeance.  I could not think straight or sleep much less do a podcast. I had to disappear.  After a couple of months when this coaching situation resolved itself, I accepted a full-time job and also sold my house in the suburbs and moved to the city in 2021. 

But now I am back...and begin with detailing the first visit with my mom in a year.

Link to Glennon Doyle's new book - Untamed

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-10006307 Thu, 03 Feb 2022 11:00:00 -0500 580 58 full false TSSH 57 - Seeing the light with Gina Defa🕯️ TSSH 57 - Seeing the light with Gina Defa🕯️ Coming from a home filled with alcoholism and abuse, Gina knows the grit & grace it takes to not just survive, but to move into a life filled with peace. She trusts that her immediate instinct to follow her intuition (which she calls her light) has been the catalyst to every success she has been blessed to experience. Her greatest passion is to help others find, and trust, the light inside of them—no matter their past.

With a mom who wasn’t ready to relinquish her party lifestyle, eight-year-old Gina was thrust into a world of alcoholism, drugs, sex, and molestation. Abandoned by daily parental guidance, she was forced to fend for herself and navigate a world that brought more darkness than security. As her childhood was scraped away bit-by-bit, Gina held true to something within that guided her, a light that burned brighter once a brief interaction with a stranger connected her with the truth. Everything will be okay.

The Parakeet Drawing is a powerful memoir about the ripple effects of a small act of kindness, and how it helped one little girl find the strength within to save herself.

Buy Book
Web Site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Coming from a home filled with alcoholism and abuse, Gina knows the grit & grace it takes to not just survive, but to move into a life filled with peace. She trusts that her immediate instinct to follow her intuition (which she calls her light) has been the catalyst to every success she has been blessed to experience. Her greatest passion is to help others find, and trust, the light inside of them—no matter their past.

With a mom who wasn’t ready to relinquish her party lifestyle, eight-year-old Gina was thrust into a world of alcoholism, drugs, sex, and molestation. Abandoned by daily parental guidance, she was forced to fend for herself and navigate a world that brought more darkness than security. As her childhood was scraped away bit-by-bit, Gina held true to something within that guided her, a light that burned brighter once a brief interaction with a stranger connected her with the truth. Everything will be okay.

The Parakeet Drawing is a powerful memoir about the ripple effects of a small act of kindness, and how it helped one little girl find the strength within to save herself.

Buy Book
Web Site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-8204862 Wed, 24 Mar 2021 15:00:00 -0400 2067 5 4 full false TSSH 56 - Psychological resilience with Dr. Lise Deguire ❤️‍🩹 TSSH 56 - Psychological resilience with Dr. Lise Deguire ❤️‍🩹 "I am four years old in that photo, half-naked and burned all over. I am propped up into a sitting position. My hair, which had been honey blonde and bouncy with waves, sprawls in a dark, stringy mess. My chest is completely covered with tight, raw bands of scars.  My right arm, also constricted by scars, is attached to my torso by contractures. My left wrist contracts in as well. You can see my tiny right ear and my nose unscarred, still sweet and untouched. The lower half of my face, however, is obliterated. My mouth gapes wide open because I have no lower lip to close it with. Fire has devoured my lip, chin and neck. The remaining skin tightly draws my face down into my chest, like a reverse face lift, preventing any emotional expression. The black band in the photo covering my eyes was to keep me from being recognized. If you could see my eyes, though, I would have been trying to smile as best I could. I was a good girl, and I aimed to please. Effort were paid to keep my tiny face in profile and to hide my eyes. But burn scarring is as unique as fingerprints; no two burned people get burned exactly the same way. It was clearly me. This was one of several stunning revelations I uncovered as I began to investigate the fire that nearly killed me a half-century ago."

https://www.lisedeguire.com/

Flashback Girl Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> "I am four years old in that photo, half-naked and burned all over. I am propped up into a sitting position. My hair, which had been honey blonde and bouncy with waves, sprawls in a dark, stringy mess. My chest is completely covered with tight, raw bands of scars.  My right arm, also constricted by scars, is attached to my torso by contractures. My left wrist contracts in as well. You can see my tiny right ear and my nose unscarred, still sweet and untouched. The lower half of my face, however, is obliterated. My mouth gapes wide open because I have no lower lip to close it with. Fire has devoured my lip, chin and neck. The remaining skin tightly draws my face down into my chest, like a reverse face lift, preventing any emotional expression. The black band in the photo covering my eyes was to keep me from being recognized. If you could see my eyes, though, I would have been trying to smile as best I could. I was a good girl, and I aimed to please. Effort were paid to keep my tiny face in profile and to hide my eyes. But burn scarring is as unique as fingerprints; no two burned people get burned exactly the same way. It was clearly me. This was one of several stunning revelations I uncovered as I began to investigate the fire that nearly killed me a half-century ago."

https://www.lisedeguire.com/

Flashback Girl Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-8101855 Mon, 08 Mar 2021 15:00:00 -0500 2294 5 3 full false TSSH 55 - Healing the physical effects from parental emotional abuse with Special Guest - Vera Wilhelmsen🤒 TSSH 55 - Healing the physical effects from parental emotional abuse with Special Guest - Vera Wilhelmsen🤒
Vera Wilhelmsen was once ill with "incurable" chronic illness as a result from narcissistic abuse from her parents and grandparents. She fought her way out on her own, realized the root causes, cut contact with her entire family and all toxic people in her life and went deep into her own trauma to heal.

 She states on her web site “I was severely ill. Around Christmas 2018 I was preparing to die. I had been bedbound for 3,5 years. No sound - I cried when I heard cutlery. No light. No appetite. Dizzying headaches. Severe,. IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) for 6 years. I was sometimes crawling from the bed to the bathroom. I had trouble getting food and water in me. My hygiene and shower-routine was nonexistent. But I refused to give up”.  

She is now living her best life and helping to do the same.  Her dream is to continue healing herself and help other people heal. She emphasizes “I learnt that you CAN save yourself and you CAN heal yourself. I am not a qualified health professional, but I can share my story and the resources I used, and be a friend” 




https://www.verawilhelmsen.com/

https://youtube.com/c/VeraWilhelmsen

https://www.instagram.com/verawilhelmsen

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]>
Vera Wilhelmsen was once ill with "incurable" chronic illness as a result from narcissistic abuse from her parents and grandparents. She fought her way out on her own, realized the root causes, cut contact with her entire family and all toxic people in her life and went deep into her own trauma to heal.

 She states on her web site “I was severely ill. Around Christmas 2018 I was preparing to die. I had been bedbound for 3,5 years. No sound - I cried when I heard cutlery. No light. No appetite. Dizzying headaches. Severe,. IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) for 6 years. I was sometimes crawling from the bed to the bathroom. I had trouble getting food and water in me. My hygiene and shower-routine was nonexistent. But I refused to give up”.  

She is now living her best life and helping to do the same.  Her dream is to continue healing herself and help other people heal. She emphasizes “I learnt that you CAN save yourself and you CAN heal yourself. I am not a qualified health professional, but I can share my story and the resources I used, and be a friend” 




https://www.verawilhelmsen.com/

https://youtube.com/c/VeraWilhelmsen

https://www.instagram.com/verawilhelmsen

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://VeraWilhelmson Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-8022058 Wed, 24 Feb 2021 11:00:00 -0500 2616 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 5 2 full false TSSH 54 - STEPpin' It Up - A Surprising Reconciliation 🔑🔓 TSSH 54 - STEPpin' It Up - A Surprising Reconciliation 🔑🔓 There is significant truth behind the statement "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about".  A conversation with my stepsister reveals how toxic parenting, favoritism, manipulation and emotional immaturity can fracture family ties - usually beyond repair.  My stepsister was the scapegoat and I bounced back and forth from golden to lost child.  All the assigned roles have their poisonous ripple effects.

It may help to first check out the episode titled "1 single revelation every BIG STEP she takes".  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> There is significant truth behind the statement "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about".  A conversation with my stepsister reveals how toxic parenting, favoritism, manipulation and emotional immaturity can fracture family ties - usually beyond repair.  My stepsister was the scapegoat and I bounced back and forth from golden to lost child.  All the assigned roles have their poisonous ripple effects.

It may help to first check out the episode titled "1 single revelation every BIG STEP she takes".  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-7686175 Thu, 04 Feb 2021 21:00:00 -0500 4018 5 1 full true TSSH 53 - Creating space for The Conversation with Colleen Perry 🔊👂 TSSH 53 - Creating space for The Conversation with Colleen Perry 🔊👂 "It is my goal to help other who grew up in homes with Alcoholics. I tell my story in hopes of bringing awareness to Alcoholism. I want to help other children of alcoholics, find community, develop their voices and heal. My work is dedicated to help create community, promote healing and change the attitude around Alcohol." - Colleen Perry

Instagram
Facebook
Blog
https://linktr.ee/CA_Perry

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> "It is my goal to help other who grew up in homes with Alcoholics. I tell my story in hopes of bringing awareness to Alcoholism. I want to help other children of alcoholics, find community, develop their voices and heal. My work is dedicated to help create community, promote healing and change the attitude around Alcohol." - Colleen Perry

Instagram
Facebook
Blog
https://linktr.ee/CA_Perry

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-7544656 Thu, 28 Jan 2021 17:00:00 -0500 1934 4 10 full false TSSH 52 - Counter-dependency (Radical Self Reliance)🤐🤫 TSSH 52 - Counter-dependency (Radical Self Reliance)🤐🤫 Codependency, the habit of gaining your self worth from pleasing others, is something most people know of nowadays. But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency.  Those who suffer counterdependency have a dread of ever depending on or needing anyone, at heart of which is an inability to trust. If there was a mantra that all counterdependents have, it would probably be “I don’t need anyone.”   It can cause intense (if often well hidden) feelings of loneliness. This can often spiral into depression and anxiety. If it isn’t the loneliness that causes severe low moods, it’s often the hidden low self-esteem that counterdependents suffer from, which is one of the leading pathways to major depressive episodes.  I appeared strong, secure, hardworking, and successful on the outside. On the inside, I was ashamed, insecure, and fearful.  Counterdependents may function well in the world of business, but are often insecure in the world of relationships. Frequently they have poor social and emotional skills, are afraid to get close to others, and avoid intimate situations as much as possible. They also create a lot of defenses to prevent anyone from seeing their secret weaknesses, neediness and vulnerability. I put on a good front to prove that I was okay and do not need anything from anyone. These defensive tactics create feelings of loneliness, alienation, and a sense of “quiet desperation.”

https://weinholds.org/the-flight-from-intimacy-healing-counter-dependency/


https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Codependency, the habit of gaining your self worth from pleasing others, is something most people know of nowadays. But it’s lesser known opposite, called counterdependency, can be just as much of a problem and is often related to codependency.  Those who suffer counterdependency have a dread of ever depending on or needing anyone, at heart of which is an inability to trust. If there was a mantra that all counterdependents have, it would probably be “I don’t need anyone.”   It can cause intense (if often well hidden) feelings of loneliness. This can often spiral into depression and anxiety. If it isn’t the loneliness that causes severe low moods, it’s often the hidden low self-esteem that counterdependents suffer from, which is one of the leading pathways to major depressive episodes.  I appeared strong, secure, hardworking, and successful on the outside. On the inside, I was ashamed, insecure, and fearful.  Counterdependents may function well in the world of business, but are often insecure in the world of relationships. Frequently they have poor social and emotional skills, are afraid to get close to others, and avoid intimate situations as much as possible. They also create a lot of defenses to prevent anyone from seeing their secret weaknesses, neediness and vulnerability. I put on a good front to prove that I was okay and do not need anything from anyone. These defensive tactics create feelings of loneliness, alienation, and a sense of “quiet desperation.”

https://weinholds.org/the-flight-from-intimacy-healing-counter-dependency/


https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Counterdependency Tami R Atman, Buzzsprout-7259422 Tue, 12 Jan 2021 13:00:00 -0500 862 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #shame, #guilt, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 4 9 full false TSSH 51 - A Poem and an Unsent Letter🖊️✍️ TSSH 51 - A Poem and an Unsent Letter🖊️✍️ On my healing journey, I wrote (but never sent) a letter to my toxic parents.  Journal therapy originated in the 1960s with psychologist Dr. Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. With his developments, the therapeutic potential of journal writing moved into public view. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. It can make us more aware (and self-aware!) and help us detect sneaky, unhealthy patterns in our thoughts and behaviors. It allows us to take more control over our lives and puts things in perspective. Further, it can help us shift from a negative mindset to a more positive one, especially about ourselves. All the experts encourage us to write freely.  Silence your inner critic and ignore the urge to edit your work. Therapeutic journal writing is not meant to be pretty or grammatically correct; it is meant to be real.

Journaling can help you:

  • Manage anxiety and reduce stress
  • Cope with depression
  • Calm your mind, examine your thoughts and shift your perspective
  • Reduce rumination and promote action


Link to poem
https://poetrybycharlescfinn.com/pages/please-hear-what-im-not-saying

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> On my healing journey, I wrote (but never sent) a letter to my toxic parents.  Journal therapy originated in the 1960s with psychologist Dr. Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal method. With his developments, the therapeutic potential of journal writing moved into public view. One of the ways to deal with any overwhelming emotion is to find a healthy way to express yourself. This makes a journal a helpful tool in managing your mental health. It can make us more aware (and self-aware!) and help us detect sneaky, unhealthy patterns in our thoughts and behaviors. It allows us to take more control over our lives and puts things in perspective. Further, it can help us shift from a negative mindset to a more positive one, especially about ourselves. All the experts encourage us to write freely.  Silence your inner critic and ignore the urge to edit your work. Therapeutic journal writing is not meant to be pretty or grammatically correct; it is meant to be real.

Journaling can help you:

  • Manage anxiety and reduce stress
  • Cope with depression
  • Calm your mind, examine your thoughts and shift your perspective
  • Reduce rumination and promote action


Link to poem
https://poetrybycharlescfinn.com/pages/please-hear-what-im-not-saying

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Unsent Letter & Poem Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-7068346 Wed, 30 Dec 2020 15:00:00 -0500 866 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 4 8 full false TSSH 50 - Subtle Abuse With Not So Subtle Results 🔨🧰 TSSH 50 - Subtle Abuse With Not So Subtle Results 🔨🧰 Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. Children often lack the perspective to be able to identify the abusive elements of their emotional relationship with their parents, and it's only in adulthood that they're more able to detect them.

 The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal. ~ Astrid Alauda

 Forms of emotional abuse

  • Ignoring and withholding attention and affection, including the silent treatment
  • Disapproving, dismissing, and condescending looks, comments, behavior
  • Threats of abandonment – physical and/or emotional
  • Invalidation – inability or refusal to acknowledge the child’s feelings or experience
  • Covertly or overtly make you feel in the way and unwanted
  • Blame child for their problems or circumstances
  • Projecting their pain and disappointment onto children
  • Encouraging  overdependence and crushing individuality 
  • Intentionally undermined my ability to take care of myself and reinforced self-doubt
  • Negative comparisons to siblings or peers – creating solid foundation of deficiency
  • Expressions of disgust that emphasize and emphasizes rejection
  • Constant switching from engulfing to ignoring, intrusive to indifferent, depending on  moods


Free E-Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. Children often lack the perspective to be able to identify the abusive elements of their emotional relationship with their parents, and it's only in adulthood that they're more able to detect them.

 The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal. ~ Astrid Alauda

 Forms of emotional abuse

  • Ignoring and withholding attention and affection, including the silent treatment
  • Disapproving, dismissing, and condescending looks, comments, behavior
  • Threats of abandonment – physical and/or emotional
  • Invalidation – inability or refusal to acknowledge the child’s feelings or experience
  • Covertly or overtly make you feel in the way and unwanted
  • Blame child for their problems or circumstances
  • Projecting their pain and disappointment onto children
  • Encouraging  overdependence and crushing individuality 
  • Intentionally undermined my ability to take care of myself and reinforced self-doubt
  • Negative comparisons to siblings or peers – creating solid foundation of deficiency
  • Expressions of disgust that emphasize and emphasizes rejection
  • Constant switching from engulfing to ignoring, intrusive to indifferent, depending on  moods


Free E-Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-6772969 Wed, 09 Dec 2020 14:00:00 -0500 2025 4 7 full false TSSH 49 - Guilt and Shame are NOT the Same 😲 TSSH 49 - Guilt and Shame are NOT the Same 😲 Shame is often referred to as “the toxic cousin of guilt. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad”.  Shame says “I am bad”.  Shame may show up in some of these ways: feeling inferior, defective, flawed, worthless, phony, and unlovable. For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates many fears and anxieties that make relationships difficult, especially intimate ones. Many people sabotage themselves in work and relationships because of these fears. You aren’t assertive when shame causes you to be afraid to speak your mind, take a position, or express who you are. You blame others because you already feel so bad about yourself that you can’t take responsibility for any mistake or misunderstanding. Codependents are afraid to get close because they don’t believe they’re worthy of love, or that once known, they’ll disappoint the other person. The unconscious thought might be that “I’ll leave before you leave me.” Fear of success and failure may limit job performance and career options.  When we feel guilty, we are looking outward and seek to reverse the harm we caused. When we feel ashamed, we turn our attention inward, focusing on the chaos churning inside us and are unable to recognize what is going on around us. Authentic parental connection, unconditional love and attunement from the day you are born is a foundation for self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-love.  Too many of us don’t get that.  Instead, we get ignored, rejected, criticized, judged, belittled, controlled and manipulated and grow up into adults that feel undeserving, inadequate, angry and inferior…all leading to shame. I perceived everything through a shame filter, even when it wasn’t intended that way, it distorted my perception, created a manic hypervigilance to my environment and blocked authentic connection with myself and the people in my life.  Compassion is the anecdote to shame. Healing requires a safe environment where you can begin to be vulnerable, express yourself, and receive acceptance and empathy. Then you’re able to internalize a new experience and begin to revise your beliefs about yourself. It may require revisiting shame-inducing events or past messages and re-evaluating them from a new perspective. Usually it takes an empathic therapist or counselor to create that space so that you can incrementally tolerate self-loathing and the pain of shame enough to self-reflect upon it until it dissipates. When we step back from momentary experiences that trigger shame and observe it without self-loathing, we are strengthening our capacity for self-reflection.  Toxic parents shamed the real you into oblivion.  Awareness and acceptance will expose the “you are not good enough lie” that we were told by people who didn’t know better.  When you bring compassion to your daily thought process, you’ll be empowered and liberated by a shift in your thinking and well-being and you will feel less isolated.


https://self-compassion.org/

 

https://www.johnbradshaw.com/

 

https://healingfromhiddenabuse.com/




https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Shame is often referred to as “the toxic cousin of guilt. Guilt says “I’ve done something bad”.  Shame says “I am bad”.  Shame may show up in some of these ways: feeling inferior, defective, flawed, worthless, phony, and unlovable. For codependents, shame can lead to control, caretaking, and dysfunctional, nonassertive communication. Shame creates many fears and anxieties that make relationships difficult, especially intimate ones. Many people sabotage themselves in work and relationships because of these fears. You aren’t assertive when shame causes you to be afraid to speak your mind, take a position, or express who you are. You blame others because you already feel so bad about yourself that you can’t take responsibility for any mistake or misunderstanding. Codependents are afraid to get close because they don’t believe they’re worthy of love, or that once known, they’ll disappoint the other person. The unconscious thought might be that “I’ll leave before you leave me.” Fear of success and failure may limit job performance and career options.  When we feel guilty, we are looking outward and seek to reverse the harm we caused. When we feel ashamed, we turn our attention inward, focusing on the chaos churning inside us and are unable to recognize what is going on around us. Authentic parental connection, unconditional love and attunement from the day you are born is a foundation for self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-love.  Too many of us don’t get that.  Instead, we get ignored, rejected, criticized, judged, belittled, controlled and manipulated and grow up into adults that feel undeserving, inadequate, angry and inferior…all leading to shame. I perceived everything through a shame filter, even when it wasn’t intended that way, it distorted my perception, created a manic hypervigilance to my environment and blocked authentic connection with myself and the people in my life.  Compassion is the anecdote to shame. Healing requires a safe environment where you can begin to be vulnerable, express yourself, and receive acceptance and empathy. Then you’re able to internalize a new experience and begin to revise your beliefs about yourself. It may require revisiting shame-inducing events or past messages and re-evaluating them from a new perspective. Usually it takes an empathic therapist or counselor to create that space so that you can incrementally tolerate self-loathing and the pain of shame enough to self-reflect upon it until it dissipates. When we step back from momentary experiences that trigger shame and observe it without self-loathing, we are strengthening our capacity for self-reflection.  Toxic parents shamed the real you into oblivion.  Awareness and acceptance will expose the “you are not good enough lie” that we were told by people who didn’t know better.  When you bring compassion to your daily thought process, you’ll be empowered and liberated by a shift in your thinking and well-being and you will feel less isolated.


https://self-compassion.org/

 

https://www.johnbradshaw.com/

 

https://healingfromhiddenabuse.com/




https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Guilt and Shame are NOT the same Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-6676277 Thu, 03 Dec 2020 14:00:00 -0500 2096 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #shame, #guilt, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 4 6 full true TSSH 48 - Pain of Thrones, Comparisons, Pedestals and Death of Joy. < > TSSH 48 - Pain of Thrones, Comparisons, Pedestals and Death of Joy. < > Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. I often worked too hard to determine what others expected so I  can make sure I  fit in.  I was constantly feeling less than, wanting to be greater than – leading to an ultra-competitive and unhealthy mindset.

You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. Not only do we naturally want to be better than them, the unconscious realization that we are not is self-destructive.

There is one thing that you’re better at than other people: being you. This is the only game you can really win. Once you acknowledge that lifebecomes about being a better version of yourself. And when that happened for me my effort and energy was directed at being awake and aware and raising my emotional IQ.  I became more content, experienced a freedom that is hard to put into words, accepting and graceful rather than bitter and angry.  Comparison fostered a false identity – once that identity went away I was able to focus on the present moment and be authentic.
https://tinybuddha.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. I often worked too hard to determine what others expected so I  can make sure I  fit in.  I was constantly feeling less than, wanting to be greater than – leading to an ultra-competitive and unhealthy mindset.

You can be anything but you can’t be everything. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re often comparing their best features against our average ones. Not only do we naturally want to be better than them, the unconscious realization that we are not is self-destructive.

There is one thing that you’re better at than other people: being you. This is the only game you can really win. Once you acknowledge that lifebecomes about being a better version of yourself. And when that happened for me my effort and energy was directed at being awake and aware and raising my emotional IQ.  I became more content, experienced a freedom that is hard to put into words, accepting and graceful rather than bitter and angry.  Comparison fostered a false identity – once that identity went away I was able to focus on the present moment and be authentic.
https://tinybuddha.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Pain of Thrones Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-6461272 Thu, 19 Nov 2020 14:00:00 -0500 1950 Self care, mental health, toxic parents, codependency, anxiety, depression, inner child, spirituality, empathy, narcissistic mothers, 4 5 full true TSSH 47 - Passion For Or Addiction To ???? 🤷‍♀️🧠 TSSH 47 - Passion For Or Addiction To ???? 🤷‍♀️🧠 When parents emotionally ignore children, they feel invisible, invalidated, worthless, and disconnected from their true self.  Parents with unhealed emotional wounds are unable to authentically connect with their children and this lack of connection makes children chronically question their value.  They then turn to OUTSIDE forms of validation in an attempt to block feeling the deep pain of rejection. And then grow up to unconsciously teach their children to do the same thing.  It’s a horrible addictive cycle. If you grew up believing you had work hard and prove yourself to be seen and loved, you will perpetuate these toxic behavior patterns through your adult life in the form of unhealthy relational dynamics with yourself, your partners, your career, your social circle and your children. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> When parents emotionally ignore children, they feel invisible, invalidated, worthless, and disconnected from their true self.  Parents with unhealed emotional wounds are unable to authentically connect with their children and this lack of connection makes children chronically question their value.  They then turn to OUTSIDE forms of validation in an attempt to block feeling the deep pain of rejection. And then grow up to unconsciously teach their children to do the same thing.  It’s a horrible addictive cycle. If you grew up believing you had work hard and prove yourself to be seen and loved, you will perpetuate these toxic behavior patterns through your adult life in the form of unhealthy relational dynamics with yourself, your partners, your career, your social circle and your children. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Passion or Addiction Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-6238198 Thu, 05 Nov 2020 13:00:00 -0500 1902 Mental health, anger, anxiety, depression, toxic parents, awareness, emotional intelligence, codependency, self love, self care, compassion, dysfunctional families, mother wound, inner child, spirituality, psychology 4 4 full false TSSH 46 - Little Bent Not Broken 💔 Featured Guest: Marisa TSSH 46 - Little Bent Not Broken 💔 Featured Guest: Marisa Marisa shares her story of surviving and healing from childhood emotional, mental, and physical abuse through Instagram (@littlebent_notbroken) to help others in a similar situation or with a similar background feel seen and heard, and to validate their experiences and emotions. Covert abuse in the form of narcissism or gaslighting can disconnect the victim from their inherent inner voice and their intuition. It is Marisa’s mission to help other survivors reclaim their birthright of self-love and compassion and empower them to live their lives full of freedom, joy, and independence.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Marisa shares her story of surviving and healing from childhood emotional, mental, and physical abuse through Instagram (@littlebent_notbroken) to help others in a similar situation or with a similar background feel seen and heard, and to validate their experiences and emotions. Covert abuse in the form of narcissism or gaslighting can disconnect the victim from their inherent inner voice and their intuition. It is Marisa’s mission to help other survivors reclaim their birthright of self-love and compassion and empower them to live their lives full of freedom, joy, and independence.

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Little Bent Not Broken Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-6017821 Thu, 22 Oct 2020 14:00:00 -0400 2391 Transformation, empathy, personal development, mean mothers, toxic family, dysfunction, emotional intelligence, narcissistic, personality disorders, self love, self care, self improvement, healing, verbal abuse, inner child, mindfulness, trauma, anxiety 4 3 full true TSSH 45 - Musical Affirmation and Lyrical Validation 🎹🎭 TSSH 45 - Musical Affirmation and Lyrical Validation 🎹🎭 The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers. Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. Many of us do repetitive exercises to improve our physical health, and affirmations are like exercises for our mind and soul. These positive mental repetitions can reprogram our thinking patterns so that, over time, we begin to think – and act – differently and better.  Generally speaking, validation builds relationships and helps ease upset feelings. Knowing that you are understood and that others accept your emotions and thoughts is powerful. Validation is like relationship glue.  Self-Validating your thoughts and emotions will help you calm yourself and manage them more effectively. Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps you find wisdom.  What I am hoping to accomplish with lyrics is to create affirmations and provide validation and put them both to music so the same way a song gets inside your head – I hope the meaning behind the lyrics do that as well.

Spotify
Apple
Amazon
LW Music

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers. Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. Many of us do repetitive exercises to improve our physical health, and affirmations are like exercises for our mind and soul. These positive mental repetitions can reprogram our thinking patterns so that, over time, we begin to think – and act – differently and better.  Generally speaking, validation builds relationships and helps ease upset feelings. Knowing that you are understood and that others accept your emotions and thoughts is powerful. Validation is like relationship glue.  Self-Validating your thoughts and emotions will help you calm yourself and manage them more effectively. Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger identity and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps you find wisdom.  What I am hoping to accomplish with lyrics is to create affirmations and provide validation and put them both to music so the same way a song gets inside your head – I hope the meaning behind the lyrics do that as well.

Spotify
Apple
Amazon
LW Music

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-5772160 Tue, 06 Oct 2020 14:00:00 -0400 2991 4 2 full false TSSH 44 - Hail to the Gail - Founder of The Buttrfly Effect 🦋 TSSH 44 - Hail to the Gail - Founder of The Buttrfly Effect 🦋 Gail Ferguson Jones is an award-winning journalist, speaker, podcaster and family recovery coach. She is a recovering codependent who survived the trauma and chaos of three generations of alcoholism in her family: maternal grandmother, father and husband, all of whom died of the disease. After hitting a personal rock bottom about eight years ago, she embarked on a healing journey and is dedicated to sharing the beauty, freedom and empowerment of recovery. 

Gail's Buttrfly Effect program offers peer-to-peer coaching, specializing in recovery from codependency. Learn more or subscribe to her newsletter at http://www.buttrflyeffect.com/ or contact her at info@buttrflyeffect.com.

Link to podcast

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Gail Ferguson Jones is an award-winning journalist, speaker, podcaster and family recovery coach. She is a recovering codependent who survived the trauma and chaos of three generations of alcoholism in her family: maternal grandmother, father and husband, all of whom died of the disease. After hitting a personal rock bottom about eight years ago, she embarked on a healing journey and is dedicated to sharing the beauty, freedom and empowerment of recovery. 

Gail's Buttrfly Effect program offers peer-to-peer coaching, specializing in recovery from codependency. Learn more or subscribe to her newsletter at http://www.buttrflyeffect.com/ or contact her at info@buttrflyeffect.com.

Link to podcast

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-5574088 Wed, 23 Sep 2020 14:00:00 -0400 1718 4 1 full false TSSH 43 - 1 single revelation every BIG STEP she takes 🎩👢 TSSH 43 - 1 single revelation every BIG STEP she takes 🎩👢 Toxic Family Dynamics

  • Splitting: Planting seeds where jealousy resentment, and anger will flourish.
  • Pitting: Setting family members against each other, usually through dishonesty.
  • Smear Campaigns: Premediated efforts to ruin another person's reputation and character usually by lying and deceit.
  • Chronic disrespect and contempt.
  • Becomes angry and enraged when you assert boundaries. 
  • Refusal to apologize.
  • Takes no responsibility, blames others.
  • Controlling & Guilt trips.
  • Overt and covert verbal abuse.

5 Toxic Family Roles

The “Hero” or “Responsible Child” -T hey are self-sufficient, perfectionistic, and over-achievers. They are afraid of becoming like their parent, so they learn to be the exact opposite. If the hero has a narcissistic parent, they are often that parent’s favorite child. As a result, the hero relies on performing well in order to feel and receive love.

The “Scapegoat” or “problem” The scapegoat or trouble maker is often angry and defensive. They tell the truth by acting out the family’s problems that are usually denied at home. The scapegoat is often the child that toxic parents are the most ashamed of. They come off as rebellious, distrustful, and cynical, but beneath their hard exterior, they are the most emotionally sensitive. The scapegoat has been hurt and damaged by their abusive parent and can be self-destructive. 

The “Lost Child” or “Dreamer” - They are often invisible in their family and try to cope with their family’s struggles by disappearing and focus their attention on reading books, daydreaming, or watching movies. The lost child is typically very shy and enjoys having a lot of space and solitude. Because they withdraw themselves from others, they struggle with developing important social skills and relationships with others, and often suffer from low self-esteem.

The “Mascot” or “Class Clown” - Typically known as “the cute one,” they are always ready to lighten the mood by cracking jokes or putting on an entertaining show for others. Often, the mascot feels powerless from the family’s dysfunctions and tries to cope by breaking the anger, tension, and conflict with fun and humor. Behind the mascot’s cheerful demeanor, they usually suffer from anxiety and depression. Mascot children often struggle with low self-esteem issues and can exhibit workaholic tendencies to make up for their insecurities. Mascot children enjoy helping others with their problems because it’s a way to distract them from their own. T

The “Enabler” or “Caretaker”
The enabler often justifies the behavior of the toxic or addicted parent. They are the martyr and good at masking the family’s downfalls and dysfunctions, making sure that the public sees that they’re a happy, well-rounded family. It’s painful for the caretaker to come to terms with what happens behind the scenes. I

https://www.regain.us/advice/family/toxic-family-dynamics-the-signs-and-how-to-cope-with-them/

https://www.outofthestorm.website/dysfunctional-family-roles

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Toxic Family Dynamics

  • Splitting: Planting seeds where jealousy resentment, and anger will flourish.
  • Pitting: Setting family members against each other, usually through dishonesty.
  • Smear Campaigns: Premediated efforts to ruin another person's reputation and character usually by lying and deceit.
  • Chronic disrespect and contempt.
  • Becomes angry and enraged when you assert boundaries. 
  • Refusal to apologize.
  • Takes no responsibility, blames others.
  • Controlling & Guilt trips.
  • Overt and covert verbal abuse.

5 Toxic Family Roles

The “Hero” or “Responsible Child” -T hey are self-sufficient, perfectionistic, and over-achievers. They are afraid of becoming like their parent, so they learn to be the exact opposite. If the hero has a narcissistic parent, they are often that parent’s favorite child. As a result, the hero relies on performing well in order to feel and receive love.

The “Scapegoat” or “problem” The scapegoat or trouble maker is often angry and defensive. They tell the truth by acting out the family’s problems that are usually denied at home. The scapegoat is often the child that toxic parents are the most ashamed of. They come off as rebellious, distrustful, and cynical, but beneath their hard exterior, they are the most emotionally sensitive. The scapegoat has been hurt and damaged by their abusive parent and can be self-destructive. 

The “Lost Child” or “Dreamer” - They are often invisible in their family and try to cope with their family’s struggles by disappearing and focus their attention on reading books, daydreaming, or watching movies. The lost child is typically very shy and enjoys having a lot of space and solitude. Because they withdraw themselves from others, they struggle with developing important social skills and relationships with others, and often suffer from low self-esteem.

The “Mascot” or “Class Clown” - Typically known as “the cute one,” they are always ready to lighten the mood by cracking jokes or putting on an entertaining show for others. Often, the mascot feels powerless from the family’s dysfunctions and tries to cope by breaking the anger, tension, and conflict with fun and humor. Behind the mascot’s cheerful demeanor, they usually suffer from anxiety and depression. Mascot children often struggle with low self-esteem issues and can exhibit workaholic tendencies to make up for their insecurities. Mascot children enjoy helping others with their problems because it’s a way to distract them from their own. T

The “Enabler” or “Caretaker”
The enabler often justifies the behavior of the toxic or addicted parent. They are the martyr and good at masking the family’s downfalls and dysfunctions, making sure that the public sees that they’re a happy, well-rounded family. It’s painful for the caretaker to come to terms with what happens behind the scenes. I

https://www.regain.us/advice/family/toxic-family-dynamics-the-signs-and-how-to-cope-with-them/

https://www.outofthestorm.website/dysfunctional-family-roles

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Toxic Family Systems and Roles Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-5370529 Wed, 09 Sep 2020 16:00:00 -0400 2584 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 3 10 full true TSSH 42 - Dis-ease + Unmet Needs = Theraplease 🙏 TSSH 42 - Dis-ease + Unmet Needs = Theraplease 🙏 Definition of dis-ease - a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people.

Early experiences of stress and trauma require soothing by caring, consistent parental figures. When that care isn’t available early in life or when stressors are chronic, it can wreak havoc with our worldview, making us feel unsafe and hyper-vigilant.

Psychotherapy helped me understand that I can do something to repair the damage caused by generational dysfunction. I took a big step back back, which is a surprisingly rare act, and studied the inner workings of the mind and how it affected my spirit and soul. Understanding thoughts that produce negative behaviors, emotional triggers, and lead to bad decisions helped me move forward on a healing journey.

https://www.whatiscodependency.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Definition of dis-ease - a particular quality, habit, or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people.

Early experiences of stress and trauma require soothing by caring, consistent parental figures. When that care isn’t available early in life or when stressors are chronic, it can wreak havoc with our worldview, making us feel unsafe and hyper-vigilant.

Psychotherapy helped me understand that I can do something to repair the damage caused by generational dysfunction. I took a big step back back, which is a surprisingly rare act, and studied the inner workings of the mind and how it affected my spirit and soul. Understanding thoughts that produce negative behaviors, emotional triggers, and lead to bad decisions helped me move forward on a healing journey.

https://www.whatiscodependency.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-5147002 Tue, 25 Aug 2020 14:00:00 -0400 2871 3 9 full true TSSH 41 - Come On Baby, Gaslight My Fire 🔥 TSSH 41 - Come On Baby, Gaslight My Fire 🔥 Gaslighting — any sort of statement that makes someone doubt their own feelings or perceptions — is a common tactic used in abusive relationships. But it's also present in many kinds of relationships; not limited to romantic relationships, it may occur in parent-child ones, as well. Once you can spot the signs your parents are gaslighting you, you may come to realize that this type of behavior is practically normalized — although it definitely shouldn't be.

People who gaslight other people in their lives may have a psychological disorder called narcissistic personality disorder. A person with this type of mental disorder has an inflated sense of self and needs and craves attention but may secretly feel vulnerable and ashamed of themselves — she or he also feels intense hurt when someone criticizes them, which explains why it’s often so difficult for narcissist parents to even realize they are gaslighting their kids. If left unchecked, long-term effects of gaslighting can leave the child feeling highly insecure, bitter, inflexible, anxious and aggressive. They grow up to be unsure of their place in the world, develop inferiority issues or seem highly paranoid and mistrusting of others.

During the first stage of development from birth to eighteen months, a child learns to trust their parent to meet their basic needs of food, shelter, clothing, support and nurturing. When a parent meets these needs, the child learns to trust; when it is not met, the child develops mistrust. Once the trust has been established, the child will naturally believe the parent over their own intuition.

A parent who gaslights their child is manipulatively deceptive. They take advantage of their position of trust and authority over the child to meet their own dysfunctional needs. The child, whose brain and emotions are still in the developmental stages, doesn’t have the ability to see their parent’s behavior as abusive. Rather, the child trusts the parent even more and begins to believe that they are in fact crazy. Sometimes this process is done in ignorance, as their parents did the same behavior to them as children. Other times, it is done intentionally to keep the child emotionally stunted so the parent can remain in control. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Gaslighting — any sort of statement that makes someone doubt their own feelings or perceptions — is a common tactic used in abusive relationships. But it's also present in many kinds of relationships; not limited to romantic relationships, it may occur in parent-child ones, as well. Once you can spot the signs your parents are gaslighting you, you may come to realize that this type of behavior is practically normalized — although it definitely shouldn't be.

People who gaslight other people in their lives may have a psychological disorder called narcissistic personality disorder. A person with this type of mental disorder has an inflated sense of self and needs and craves attention but may secretly feel vulnerable and ashamed of themselves — she or he also feels intense hurt when someone criticizes them, which explains why it’s often so difficult for narcissist parents to even realize they are gaslighting their kids. If left unchecked, long-term effects of gaslighting can leave the child feeling highly insecure, bitter, inflexible, anxious and aggressive. They grow up to be unsure of their place in the world, develop inferiority issues or seem highly paranoid and mistrusting of others.

During the first stage of development from birth to eighteen months, a child learns to trust their parent to meet their basic needs of food, shelter, clothing, support and nurturing. When a parent meets these needs, the child learns to trust; when it is not met, the child develops mistrust. Once the trust has been established, the child will naturally believe the parent over their own intuition.

A parent who gaslights their child is manipulatively deceptive. They take advantage of their position of trust and authority over the child to meet their own dysfunctional needs. The child, whose brain and emotions are still in the developmental stages, doesn’t have the ability to see their parent’s behavior as abusive. Rather, the child trusts the parent even more and begins to believe that they are in fact crazy. Sometimes this process is done in ignorance, as their parents did the same behavior to them as children. Other times, it is done intentionally to keep the child emotionally stunted so the parent can remain in control. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Gaslighting Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-4885403 Thu, 06 Aug 2020 14:00:00 -0400 2066 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 3 8 full true TSSH 40 - Grey Rock n' Roll 🎸 TSSH 40 - Grey Rock n' Roll 🎸 The phrase “Gray Rock Method” was first coined by blogger Skylar in this article on her website: https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/ after a fateful conversation she had with a complete stranger. You should definitely go and read that article after you’ve finished here.

Whether you play a big role such as a partner or family member, or a smaller part such as an occasional acquaintance, adopting the Gray Rock method is an effective way to get yourself written out of the series altogether.

Just imagine watching a scene from a show or film in which one character gives nothing in the way of emotion or interesting dialogue. How boring would that be? You’d probably switch over to something else, right?

There’s an old saying that is quite relevant here: you can’t get blood from a stone.

In this case, you are the stone (or rock) and the blood is any behavior that provides the narcissist with the supply they crave.

Keep dialogue to an absolute minimum. If you don’t have to talk to them, don’t.

Never talk about your personal life, even the smallest details.

They will hook their claws into any morsel of information you provide and use it to try and further the conversation and extract narcissistic supply from you.

They want to know what you value in your life now. They envy what you have (regardless of what it is), and if they can’t have it, they will seek to take it from you somehow.

Remember, they are driven by their egos, and any suggestion that you are better off without them or that they are in some way inferior to you will be seen as an affront to their identity.

They see themselves as above everyone else in every regard, and if you imply that you are doing better than they are, it will enrage them.

Do not ask them questions.

The Gray Rock Method is not always easy, but it is often effective. You might want to scream at them at times, but by biting your tongue and not flinching when they try to get a response, you will starve them of the drama they feed off.

Rather than go without it (which is simply not an option for them), a narcissist will look elsewhere for a new source of supply.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The phrase “Gray Rock Method” was first coined by blogger Skylar in this article on her website: https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/ after a fateful conversation she had with a complete stranger. You should definitely go and read that article after you’ve finished here.

Whether you play a big role such as a partner or family member, or a smaller part such as an occasional acquaintance, adopting the Gray Rock method is an effective way to get yourself written out of the series altogether.

Just imagine watching a scene from a show or film in which one character gives nothing in the way of emotion or interesting dialogue. How boring would that be? You’d probably switch over to something else, right?

There’s an old saying that is quite relevant here: you can’t get blood from a stone.

In this case, you are the stone (or rock) and the blood is any behavior that provides the narcissist with the supply they crave.

Keep dialogue to an absolute minimum. If you don’t have to talk to them, don’t.

Never talk about your personal life, even the smallest details.

They will hook their claws into any morsel of information you provide and use it to try and further the conversation and extract narcissistic supply from you.

They want to know what you value in your life now. They envy what you have (regardless of what it is), and if they can’t have it, they will seek to take it from you somehow.

Remember, they are driven by their egos, and any suggestion that you are better off without them or that they are in some way inferior to you will be seen as an affront to their identity.

They see themselves as above everyone else in every regard, and if you imply that you are doing better than they are, it will enrage them.

Do not ask them questions.

The Gray Rock Method is not always easy, but it is often effective. You might want to scream at them at times, but by biting your tongue and not flinching when they try to get a response, you will starve them of the drama they feed off.

Rather than go without it (which is simply not an option for them), a narcissist will look elsewhere for a new source of supply.

http://flyingmonkeysdenied.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-4689239 Thu, 23 Jul 2020 16:00:00 -0400 1849 3 7 full true TSSH 39 - Come Heal With Highwater 💧(Featured Guest: Annie Highwater) TSSH 39 - Come Heal With Highwater 💧(Featured Guest: Annie Highwater) Annie Highwater is a Writer, Speaker, Podcast Host and Family Advocate. She has a particular interest in family pathology and concepts of dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and conflict. Annie published her memoir, Unhooked: A Mother's Story of Unhitching from the Roller Coaster of Her Son's Addiction, in 2016.

Annie's Mission: There are more people affected by addiction than addicted.  My mission is to promote healthy dialogue and to offer support, information and hope to the stressed out, affected family, partners and friends (the “entourage”) of those in the grips of addiction, alcoholism and SUD.  I believe no one should have to go through it alone.


https://www.facebook.com/AnnieUnhooked/

https://anchor.fm/annie-highwater

http://anniehighwater.com/about/

https://www.amazon.com/Annie-Highwater/e/B01M7RVC7D%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share

Other than being known as "Elliot's Mom," Annie Highwater is a long distance runner, health and wellness advocate and a fanatical researcher of behavioral science, family pathology and concepts of dysfunction and conflict. Annie resides in Columbus, Ohio where she has worked in the insurance industry. She also enjoys writing, yoga and visiting her son in Southern California as often as possible.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Annie Highwater is a Writer, Speaker, Podcast Host and Family Advocate. She has a particular interest in family pathology and concepts of dysfunction, addiction, alcoholism and conflict. Annie published her memoir, Unhooked: A Mother's Story of Unhitching from the Roller Coaster of Her Son's Addiction, in 2016.

Annie's Mission: There are more people affected by addiction than addicted.  My mission is to promote healthy dialogue and to offer support, information and hope to the stressed out, affected family, partners and friends (the “entourage”) of those in the grips of addiction, alcoholism and SUD.  I believe no one should have to go through it alone.


https://www.facebook.com/AnnieUnhooked/

https://anchor.fm/annie-highwater

http://anniehighwater.com/about/

https://www.amazon.com/Annie-Highwater/e/B01M7RVC7D%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share

Other than being known as "Elliot's Mom," Annie Highwater is a long distance runner, health and wellness advocate and a fanatical researcher of behavioral science, family pathology and concepts of dysfunction and conflict. Annie resides in Columbus, Ohio where she has worked in the insurance industry. She also enjoys writing, yoga and visiting her son in Southern California as often as possible.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-4184768 Mon, 15 Jun 2020 14:00:00 -0400 2746 3 6 full false TSSH 38 - Healing Breadcrumbs To Nibble On 🍞🦜 (Featured Guest: Carol Campos) TSSH 38 - Healing Breadcrumbs To Nibble On 🍞🦜 (Featured Guest: Carol Campos) For years (actually decades!) Carol didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had been working in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 5 company. 

Although she worked hard and was consistently recognized and promoted, she somehow knew that she was meant to do something different. she felt stuck in a life that didn’t fit. 

In early 2018, she left her corporate job and made the leap into the unknown. After doing months of intense inner work with her coach, Michael Sandler, and reconnecting to her higher wisdom, she discovered that she could combine her life and business experience with her soul-aligned interests. She knew she had a talent for building thriving, productive teams and helping people to see their unique strengths and gifts, but it took a while for her Soul-aligned purpose to emerge

She became the creator and Co-founder of The Divine Breadcrumb, a global online community and podcast, which showcases amazing people shining their light around the world. She started writing a blog to share her own story. These are things she couldn’t have imagined a few years ago. But as often is the case, the Universe had an even bigger plan for her than she had for herself.


She is now a certified Inspire Nation coach, focusing on awareness, empowerment & transition. She helps her clients to clear old patterns & beliefs, connect to their heart intelligence, re-wire the mind and discover meaning and purpose. It’s when we do this inner work that we can move forward towards our goals with confidence. 

Her Soul knew what she would be doing long before she did, and she is grateful that she followed the Divine map that was laid out before her.  

She loves traveling, exploring new cultures, being in nature and helping people on their own paths. She holds a B.A. in Communications from Hofstra University. She lives in Massachusetts with her rambunctious and hilarious rescue cats, Petey and Emmett.

Coaching
Podcast
LinkedIn

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> For years (actually decades!) Carol didn’t know what she wanted to do. She had been working in the corporate world for over 20 years, most recently in a leadership role at a Fortune 5 company. 

Although she worked hard and was consistently recognized and promoted, she somehow knew that she was meant to do something different. she felt stuck in a life that didn’t fit. 

In early 2018, she left her corporate job and made the leap into the unknown. After doing months of intense inner work with her coach, Michael Sandler, and reconnecting to her higher wisdom, she discovered that she could combine her life and business experience with her soul-aligned interests. She knew she had a talent for building thriving, productive teams and helping people to see their unique strengths and gifts, but it took a while for her Soul-aligned purpose to emerge

She became the creator and Co-founder of The Divine Breadcrumb, a global online community and podcast, which showcases amazing people shining their light around the world. She started writing a blog to share her own story. These are things she couldn’t have imagined a few years ago. But as often is the case, the Universe had an even bigger plan for her than she had for herself.


She is now a certified Inspire Nation coach, focusing on awareness, empowerment & transition. She helps her clients to clear old patterns & beliefs, connect to their heart intelligence, re-wire the mind and discover meaning and purpose. It’s when we do this inner work that we can move forward towards our goals with confidence. 

Her Soul knew what she would be doing long before she did, and she is grateful that she followed the Divine map that was laid out before her.  

She loves traveling, exploring new cultures, being in nature and helping people on their own paths. She holds a B.A. in Communications from Hofstra University. She lives in Massachusetts with her rambunctious and hilarious rescue cats, Petey and Emmett.

Coaching
Podcast
LinkedIn

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Special Guest - Carol Campos, Life Coach, Creator of the Divine Breadcrumb Podcast Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-4029242 Wed, 03 Jun 2020 12:00:00 -0400 2450 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 38 full false TSSH 37 - REAL - actually existing in fact; not imagined - True Self & False Self TSSH 37 - REAL - actually existing in fact; not imagined - True Self & False Self A false self is created as an adaptation to emotionally ignorant and immature parents who selfishly wallowed in self-unawareness and project their needs and misery onto an infant rather than reflecting the infant's actual moods. Simply put, the false self is not real. It is the disconnected self.  You do not naturally belong here or anywhere and you use defense mechanisms and search for all the wring ways to fill up your emptiness. The True Self is characterized by inner peace, acceptance and deep contentment. It’s okay, right here, right now

My parents were toxic, selfish, greedy, fragile and inconsistent.  I was unnaturally and unhealthily attuned to their demands, sensing that I had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; I had to be false before I had the chance to feel properly alive. And as a result, many years later, without knowing why, I felt dead inside. I now know I was forced to comply far too early; I was obedient at the expense of my ability to be authentic.

The false-self thought and behavior patterns stayed with me as an adult. While they used to be helpful when I was young, this toxic thought process and negative behavior patterns was an not only an obstacle to inner peace and spiritual fulfillment but actually slowly killed me from the inside out.

About Dr. Winicott
Spotify
Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> A false self is created as an adaptation to emotionally ignorant and immature parents who selfishly wallowed in self-unawareness and project their needs and misery onto an infant rather than reflecting the infant's actual moods. Simply put, the false self is not real. It is the disconnected self.  You do not naturally belong here or anywhere and you use defense mechanisms and search for all the wring ways to fill up your emptiness. The True Self is characterized by inner peace, acceptance and deep contentment. It’s okay, right here, right now

My parents were toxic, selfish, greedy, fragile and inconsistent.  I was unnaturally and unhealthily attuned to their demands, sensing that I had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; I had to be false before I had the chance to feel properly alive. And as a result, many years later, without knowing why, I felt dead inside. I now know I was forced to comply far too early; I was obedient at the expense of my ability to be authentic.

The false-self thought and behavior patterns stayed with me as an adult. While they used to be helpful when I was young, this toxic thought process and negative behavior patterns was an not only an obstacle to inner peace and spiritual fulfillment but actually slowly killed me from the inside out.

About Dr. Winicott
Spotify
Book

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://True Self vs False Self Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-4006280 Mon, 01 Jun 2020 18:00:00 -0400 766 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 37 full false TSSH 36 - Comfortably Miserable TSSH 36 - Comfortably Miserable Season 3 Episode 3
Our brains overreact when facing uncertainty because they’re wired to react to it with fear. Research has shown that as the uncertainty of scenarios increase, the subjects’ brains shifted control over to the limbic system, the place where emotions, such as anxiety and fear, are generated. This brain quirk worked great eons ago, when cavemen encountered a woolly mammoth. Overwhelming caution and fear ensured survival. But that’s not the case today. This mechanism, which hasn’t evolved, is a hindrance in the world of business, where uncertainty rules and important decisions must be made every day with minimal information.

If you google antonyms for the word “uncertainty”, these are some of what comes up – trust, self-confidence, positivity and patience. We have all heard over and over that people are creatures of habit. It doesn't seem to matter whether those habits are good for us or bad for us; they provide comfort. I held such a tight death-grip on everything is because I was afraid if I let go, things won't be okay.  Survivors of emotional abuse and neglect are terrified of abandonment and will hold on tightly to anything in order not to re-experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with broken people who were never there emotionally for us.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Season 3 Episode 3
Our brains overreact when facing uncertainty because they’re wired to react to it with fear. Research has shown that as the uncertainty of scenarios increase, the subjects’ brains shifted control over to the limbic system, the place where emotions, such as anxiety and fear, are generated. This brain quirk worked great eons ago, when cavemen encountered a woolly mammoth. Overwhelming caution and fear ensured survival. But that’s not the case today. This mechanism, which hasn’t evolved, is a hindrance in the world of business, where uncertainty rules and important decisions must be made every day with minimal information.

If you google antonyms for the word “uncertainty”, these are some of what comes up – trust, self-confidence, positivity and patience. We have all heard over and over that people are creatures of habit. It doesn't seem to matter whether those habits are good for us or bad for us; they provide comfort. I held such a tight death-grip on everything is because I was afraid if I let go, things won't be okay.  Survivors of emotional abuse and neglect are terrified of abandonment and will hold on tightly to anything in order not to re-experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with broken people who were never there emotionally for us.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3773993 Fri, 15 May 2020 12:00:00 -0400 863 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 3 3 full false TSSH 35 - human DOings & human BEings TSSH 35 - human DOings & human BEings Season 3 Episode 2 - human DOings & human BEings
Doing more, constantly putting myself out there, saying yes to every opportunity, cradling every tangible and intangible experience like a an Olympic medal…I believed these things will get me exposure, accolades, recognition and sales…but in reality they brought on stress, depression, frustration, more emptiness and anxiety.

 When we conduct our lives from a place of being rather than doing, we accept uncertainty and don’t focus on self-protection. When we plan, organizing every step and making sure we’ve covered all bases, fear drives that.  Real fear comes from wanting to protect ourselves instead of wanting to let go.  

I had it backwards and found out it takes more courage to trust the process and let things happen the way they are supposed to.
 
I was conditioned to DO for acceptance and validation from when I was a baby. That’s how I got noticed and seen. Not for who I was (or who I was being). The result, over time, was a total disconnection from my soul/spirit and living a life from the outside in - virtually guaranteeing multiple mental health issues.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Season 3 Episode 2 - human DOings & human BEings
Doing more, constantly putting myself out there, saying yes to every opportunity, cradling every tangible and intangible experience like a an Olympic medal…I believed these things will get me exposure, accolades, recognition and sales…but in reality they brought on stress, depression, frustration, more emptiness and anxiety.

 When we conduct our lives from a place of being rather than doing, we accept uncertainty and don’t focus on self-protection. When we plan, organizing every step and making sure we’ve covered all bases, fear drives that.  Real fear comes from wanting to protect ourselves instead of wanting to let go.  

I had it backwards and found out it takes more courage to trust the process and let things happen the way they are supposed to.
 
I was conditioned to DO for acceptance and validation from when I was a baby. That’s how I got noticed and seen. Not for who I was (or who I was being). The result, over time, was a total disconnection from my soul/spirit and living a life from the outside in - virtually guaranteeing multiple mental health issues.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Human DOings & Human BEings Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3673111 Fri, 08 May 2020 09:00:00 -0400 779 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 3 2 full false TSSH 34 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: anger) TSSH 34 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: anger) Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Anger. I used to be angry…most of the time. I have a mother, father and stepfather with various personality disorders who erratically switch back and forth from being overly demanding or callously indifferent.  I was set up for a life of no confidence, perpetual sadness masked by raged and an addiction to results and outcomes. I carried terrible shame of coming from people who didn’t give me the attention I needed and deserved – as all young children do. Throughout adulthood, the occasional flashbacks and anxiety attacks seemed to never end. And neither did questioning my ability to be a good mother.  I was constantly in fear of not being strong enough to break the cycle of abuse.

When you have a temper like I used to, it is difficult to admit there's a problem. I would go from zero to 100 too often. I would snap, freak out, feel guilty and repeat that cycle. I was a boiling kettle with nowhere for the steam to go. If a kettle has no way to release steam, it explodes…like I used to. Looking back, I wish I had more self-control but at the time it seemed impossible to change. I saw my anger as a genetic flaw that I had to put up with along with the negative consequences that always followed my tantrums.

Facebook
Instagram
Spotify

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Anger. I used to be angry…most of the time. I have a mother, father and stepfather with various personality disorders who erratically switch back and forth from being overly demanding or callously indifferent.  I was set up for a life of no confidence, perpetual sadness masked by raged and an addiction to results and outcomes. I carried terrible shame of coming from people who didn’t give me the attention I needed and deserved – as all young children do. Throughout adulthood, the occasional flashbacks and anxiety attacks seemed to never end. And neither did questioning my ability to be a good mother.  I was constantly in fear of not being strong enough to break the cycle of abuse.

When you have a temper like I used to, it is difficult to admit there's a problem. I would go from zero to 100 too often. I would snap, freak out, feel guilty and repeat that cycle. I was a boiling kettle with nowhere for the steam to go. If a kettle has no way to release steam, it explodes…like I used to. Looking back, I wish I had more self-control but at the time it seemed impossible to change. I saw my anger as a genetic flaw that I had to put up with along with the negative consequences that always followed my tantrums.

Facebook
Instagram
Spotify

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Anger. Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3490435 Fri, 24 Apr 2020 12:00:00 -0400 620 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 34 full false TSSH 33 - The ART of Healing Creatively 🎨🖌(Featured Guest: Jennifer Pazienza) TSSH 33 - The ART of Healing Creatively 🎨🖌(Featured Guest: Jennifer Pazienza) Season 3 | Episode 1. This is an AMAZING STORY. 

Jennifer Pazienza lives on Keswick Ridge in New Brunswick, Atlantic Canada and creates poetic and contemplative paintings.

"Since I was young, the natural world has been my haven for refuge and renewal. A compelling feature in my work is what’s not there - most especially humans. I want people to visually step into my paintings to explore and outfit them with experiences from their own lives. Through art I express my regard for connection, healing and love".

Jennifer lost both of her parents when she was very young and not only is she a survivor of emotional abuse and sexual abuse, but she is also a healer and a thriver.

Jennifer proves that "it doesn't matter how you start, it's how you finish". 


Links to Jennifer's work:

https://www.instagram.com/jenniferpazienza/

https://www.jenniferpazienza.com/

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb9WOTpLfI4&feature=youtu.be

 http://www.theartistnextlevel.com/creating-new-art-opportunities-with-jennifer-pazienza-podcast-185/

 

 

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral 

 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Season 3 | Episode 1. This is an AMAZING STORY. 

Jennifer Pazienza lives on Keswick Ridge in New Brunswick, Atlantic Canada and creates poetic and contemplative paintings.

"Since I was young, the natural world has been my haven for refuge and renewal. A compelling feature in my work is what’s not there - most especially humans. I want people to visually step into my paintings to explore and outfit them with experiences from their own lives. Through art I express my regard for connection, healing and love".

Jennifer lost both of her parents when she was very young and not only is she a survivor of emotional abuse and sexual abuse, but she is also a healer and a thriver.

Jennifer proves that "it doesn't matter how you start, it's how you finish". 


Links to Jennifer's work:

https://www.instagram.com/jenniferpazienza/

https://www.jenniferpazienza.com/

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb9WOTpLfI4&feature=youtu.be

 http://www.theartistnextlevel.com/creating-new-art-opportunities-with-jennifer-pazienza-podcast-185/

 

 

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral 

 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Interview with Artist Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-3450760 Tue, 21 Apr 2020 13:00:00 -0400 2288 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 33 full true TSSH 32 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Triggers) TSSH 32 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Triggers) Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Triggers. What are emotional triggers? They are those super-reactive places inside you that become activated by someone else’s behaviors or comments. When triggered, you may either withdraw emotionally and simply feel hurt or angry or respond in an aggressive way that you will probably regret later. Your reaction is so intense because you’re defending against a painful feeling that has surfaced. Your emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fears—they are not reality. You don’t want to be frequently triggered. It is exhausting and painful, especially for highly sensitive and empathic people.I used to have a very short fuse – my temper reflected a problem with emotional triggers.  Emotional triggers can be anything - people, words, opinions, situations that suddenly provoke an intense, uncontrollable emotional reaction within us.

https://www.facebook.com/tresedaatman



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Triggers. What are emotional triggers? They are those super-reactive places inside you that become activated by someone else’s behaviors or comments. When triggered, you may either withdraw emotionally and simply feel hurt or angry or respond in an aggressive way that you will probably regret later. Your reaction is so intense because you’re defending against a painful feeling that has surfaced. Your emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fears—they are not reality. You don’t want to be frequently triggered. It is exhausting and painful, especially for highly sensitive and empathic people.I used to have a very short fuse – my temper reflected a problem with emotional triggers.  Emotional triggers can be anything - people, words, opinions, situations that suddenly provoke an intense, uncontrollable emotional reaction within us.

https://www.facebook.com/tresedaatman



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Triggers Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3396994 Fri, 17 Apr 2020 09:00:00 -0400 666 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 32 full false TSSH 31 - Nothing good comes from SHOULD 👍👎👈 TSSH 31 - Nothing good comes from SHOULD 👍👎👈 Season 2 Episode 10. Should statements give you two options: you pass or you fail–when in reality, life is much more complex than that.  And when we don’t meet the expectations that these “should demands” set up for us, we feel guilty, we feel shame, and we feel like we aren’t living up to our potential. As I’ve become more interested in healing and getting rid of toxic behaviors, I have learned how destructive the word “should” is. It’s a word rooted in negativity, guilt, and pressure. The word makes you basically feel the same way as you felt when your parents ignored you, minimized you, controlled you and criticized you. When I told other people they should or shouldn’t do something, I wasn’t respecting their boundaries or their ability to make the best decisions for themselves. I now know using the word should does not come from an authentic and fulfilled place. Should comes from guilt. When we say we should do something, it’s another way of expressing that whatever we’ve chosen to do isn’t enough. Should is critical. It creates pressure. And breeds insecurity. "Should" statements can be impacting your struggle with panic, anxiety, and depression. Should is judgmental. While should is a bad word to use with regard to our own actions, it’s equally dangerous to use when directed at others. When we tell others what they should do, we are judging them as harshly as we are judging ourselves.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Season 2 Episode 10. Should statements give you two options: you pass or you fail–when in reality, life is much more complex than that.  And when we don’t meet the expectations that these “should demands” set up for us, we feel guilty, we feel shame, and we feel like we aren’t living up to our potential. As I’ve become more interested in healing and getting rid of toxic behaviors, I have learned how destructive the word “should” is. It’s a word rooted in negativity, guilt, and pressure. The word makes you basically feel the same way as you felt when your parents ignored you, minimized you, controlled you and criticized you. When I told other people they should or shouldn’t do something, I wasn’t respecting their boundaries or their ability to make the best decisions for themselves. I now know using the word should does not come from an authentic and fulfilled place. Should comes from guilt. When we say we should do something, it’s another way of expressing that whatever we’ve chosen to do isn’t enough. Should is critical. It creates pressure. And breeds insecurity. "Should" statements can be impacting your struggle with panic, anxiety, and depression. Should is judgmental. While should is a bad word to use with regard to our own actions, it’s equally dangerous to use when directed at others. When we tell others what they should do, we are judging them as harshly as we are judging ourselves.

Spotify
Web site

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Nothing good starts with SHOULD Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-3345100 Mon, 13 Apr 2020 12:00:00 -0400 2101 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 31 full false TSSH 30 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: setting boundaries) TSSH 30 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: setting boundaries) Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Setting boundaries.  Most people who have weak personal boundaries had no role models when they were young. Witnessing narcissistic and codependent dynamics that probably goes back generations contributes to us believing that love = what we did, not who we were. Boundaries are like an invisible shield or fence around you. It’s a line you set for yourself and others that separates you from others and their influence. Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They limit the ability of toxic people being too comfortable criticizing, controlling and manipulating you and are important mental, emotional, and physical walls that protect us being used and exploited by toxic people. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill I had to learn.  A main characteristic of narcissists is that they have no regard for personal boundaries. They violate boundaries at will with no thought or concern of how the other person feels. Children of narcissists, like me, bullied and frustrated. On my healing journey I learned about setting boundaries with people, and with my own mother.  I gave up trying toxic behaviors driven by the unconscious goal that she will magically transform in to a loving person.  I stopped my exhaustive, futile attempts at pleasing her.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Setting boundaries.  Most people who have weak personal boundaries had no role models when they were young. Witnessing narcissistic and codependent dynamics that probably goes back generations contributes to us believing that love = what we did, not who we were. Boundaries are like an invisible shield or fence around you. It’s a line you set for yourself and others that separates you from others and their influence. Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They limit the ability of toxic people being too comfortable criticizing, controlling and manipulating you and are important mental, emotional, and physical walls that protect us being used and exploited by toxic people. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill I had to learn.  A main characteristic of narcissists is that they have no regard for personal boundaries. They violate boundaries at will with no thought or concern of how the other person feels. Children of narcissists, like me, bullied and frustrated. On my healing journey I learned about setting boundaries with people, and with my own mother.  I gave up trying toxic behaviors driven by the unconscious goal that she will magically transform in to a loving person.  I stopped my exhaustive, futile attempts at pleasing her.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Setting Boundaries Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3301321 Thu, 09 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400 825 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 30 full false TSSH 29 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: emotional neglect) TSSH 29 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: emotional neglect) Emotional neglect is different from emotional abuse because it is often unintentional. Parents, due to their own misery and preoccupation with unhealed wounds from their childhood, may have emotionally neglected you. This omission played a huge part in shaping you into the adult you are today and may dictate how much emotional regulation and relational intelligence you may or may not have. Children rely on their parents to meet their physical AND emotional needs. Invisible damage is done when parents fail to teach coping strategies and emotional regulation.Your parents may have been emotionally neglected by their own parents, and because they didn’t have good role models, they passed this invisible poison on to you. It is a vicious never ending cycle because no one decides to wake up and break the toxic patterns.  Financial challenges, abandonment, addictions, divorce, toxic greed and behavior disorders can all lead to emotional neglect because parents are unable to cope with themselves or life in general and therefore chronically unavailable for their children. My family, going back over 100 years, on both sides, was raised children to believe that their feelings don’t matter, you are all an inconvenience, and even though you are an emotionally starved toddler…you, as a person, don’t matter.  Toxic family patterns like mine breed emotional starvation and low self-worth. As a consequence, we desperately search the outside world for an escape from this pain and shame.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Emotional neglect is different from emotional abuse because it is often unintentional. Parents, due to their own misery and preoccupation with unhealed wounds from their childhood, may have emotionally neglected you. This omission played a huge part in shaping you into the adult you are today and may dictate how much emotional regulation and relational intelligence you may or may not have. Children rely on their parents to meet their physical AND emotional needs. Invisible damage is done when parents fail to teach coping strategies and emotional regulation.Your parents may have been emotionally neglected by their own parents, and because they didn’t have good role models, they passed this invisible poison on to you. It is a vicious never ending cycle because no one decides to wake up and break the toxic patterns.  Financial challenges, abandonment, addictions, divorce, toxic greed and behavior disorders can all lead to emotional neglect because parents are unable to cope with themselves or life in general and therefore chronically unavailable for their children. My family, going back over 100 years, on both sides, was raised children to believe that their feelings don’t matter, you are all an inconvenience, and even though you are an emotionally starved toddler…you, as a person, don’t matter.  Toxic family patterns like mine breed emotional starvation and low self-worth. As a consequence, we desperately search the outside world for an escape from this pain and shame.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Emotional Neglect. Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3271687 Tue, 07 Apr 2020 12:00:00 -0400 601 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 29 full false TSSH 28 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Family Systems) TSSH 28 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Family Systems) Part of my healing journey is fulfilling a recently discovered life purpose by reaching out to those in need of healing from emotional abuse by toxic parents and transgenerational dysfunction.  If you are sheltering in place, perhaps some of you would like to use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies.  If you are like how I used to be…a chaotic emotional fire fighter addicted to busyness and outcomes…this quiet time may feel like torture.  If you are craving an emotionally healthier life and experiencing a spiritual awakening y…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a direct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.  Today I want to talk about Toxic Family Systems. A family system is like a game of pool. When you shoot the cue ball into the balls it scatters them in different directions but they all don’t scatter the same way. Think about your ancestors and your family history.  What kind of environment were your parents raised in?  Are you able to see why they developed unhealthy behaviors and perhaps personality disorders?  Does recognizing toxic family patterns help you to have compassion for them and for you? I didn’t say forgive. I said compassion…meaning empathize with them in order to reduce your own anger.  If you have more awareness, that may lead to less hostility – towards yourself and them. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Part of my healing journey is fulfilling a recently discovered life purpose by reaching out to those in need of healing from emotional abuse by toxic parents and transgenerational dysfunction.  If you are sheltering in place, perhaps some of you would like to use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies.  If you are like how I used to be…a chaotic emotional fire fighter addicted to busyness and outcomes…this quiet time may feel like torture.  If you are craving an emotionally healthier life and experiencing a spiritual awakening y…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a direct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.  Today I want to talk about Toxic Family Systems. A family system is like a game of pool. When you shoot the cue ball into the balls it scatters them in different directions but they all don’t scatter the same way. Think about your ancestors and your family history.  What kind of environment were your parents raised in?  Are you able to see why they developed unhealthy behaviors and perhaps personality disorders?  Does recognizing toxic family patterns help you to have compassion for them and for you? I didn’t say forgive. I said compassion…meaning empathize with them in order to reduce your own anger.  If you have more awareness, that may lead to less hostility – towards yourself and them. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Family Systems Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3243364 Sun, 05 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400 878 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 28 full false TSSH 27 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Respond vs React) TSSH 27 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: Respond vs React) Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Respond vs React. When you react, your emotions are in control, with no thought of consequences. Feelings are not facts and so your amygdala is running the show. I deluded myself for years believing that when I was screaming and throwing temper tantrums that I was taking control of a situation that I didn’t like.  Looking back with this newly acquired wisdom – I now know the polar opposite was true.  Because I was not in control of the storms raging inside me I would over react to everything going on outside me.  My reactions were automatic and survival oriented and often elicited behaviors that I regretted later. An over-reaction stresses us physically too. We clench our fists and our jaw. We feel our stomach turn. Our face turns red and our defenses are on high alert.  When you respond, your brain is fully engaged, and your self-awareness is high.  Your pre-frontal cortex has the long-term consequences in mind. Your amygdala is not in charge. To respond to an explosive situation take a deep breath, a pause, or a brief moment to keep yourself together. That moment can mean the difference between navigating the situation with dignity and maturity or crashing hard into a pit of blame and shame. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Respond vs React. When you react, your emotions are in control, with no thought of consequences. Feelings are not facts and so your amygdala is running the show. I deluded myself for years believing that when I was screaming and throwing temper tantrums that I was taking control of a situation that I didn’t like.  Looking back with this newly acquired wisdom – I now know the polar opposite was true.  Because I was not in control of the storms raging inside me I would over react to everything going on outside me.  My reactions were automatic and survival oriented and often elicited behaviors that I regretted later. An over-reaction stresses us physically too. We clench our fists and our jaw. We feel our stomach turn. Our face turns red and our defenses are on high alert.  When you respond, your brain is fully engaged, and your self-awareness is high.  Your pre-frontal cortex has the long-term consequences in mind. Your amygdala is not in charge. To respond to an explosive situation take a deep breath, a pause, or a brief moment to keep yourself together. That moment can mean the difference between navigating the situation with dignity and maturity or crashing hard into a pit of blame and shame. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Respond vs React Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3225991 Fri, 03 Apr 2020 12:00:00 -0400 795 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 27 full false TSSH 26 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: perfectionism) TSSH 26 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: perfectionism) Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Perfectionism. This is Tami Atman with the Stuck stops here.  We are alone together experiencing fear and anxiety over what is happening in the world today. I am using this time of reflection to nurture my recently discovered life purpose of sharing the resources I used on my healing journey which began in 2014. Many of us right now are sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  This forced “stillness” can be tortuous and painful for those feeling trapped by the pandemic as well as by the effects of a toxic childhood.  I have created these minipodcasts with a goal to alleviate some of your pain by sharing my experiences in a very direct and succinct way.  I hope it is a doorway to your own healing journey or be the wind at your back if you are already on path to healing.  Today’s podcast is about Perfectionism. Perfectionism is something I believe our society has rewarded and celebrated to the detriment of our mental health. Researchers are finding that it is nothing short of dangerous, leading to a long list of health problems – and that it’s on the rise. The rise in perfectionism doesn’t mean each generation is becoming more accomplished. It means we’re getting sicker, sadder and even undermining our own potential.I learned that perfectionism doesn’t just that it holds you back from being your most successful, productive self. It is linked to: depression, anxiety, self-sabotaging behaviors, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, migraines, and even suicide.My reaction to well-entrenched toxic family patterns caused me to be an overachiever and I was obsessed with outcomes and results. I believed I was valuable only because of what I accomplished or what I did for other people. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Perfectionism. This is Tami Atman with the Stuck stops here.  We are alone together experiencing fear and anxiety over what is happening in the world today. I am using this time of reflection to nurture my recently discovered life purpose of sharing the resources I used on my healing journey which began in 2014. Many of us right now are sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  This forced “stillness” can be tortuous and painful for those feeling trapped by the pandemic as well as by the effects of a toxic childhood.  I have created these minipodcasts with a goal to alleviate some of your pain by sharing my experiences in a very direct and succinct way.  I hope it is a doorway to your own healing journey or be the wind at your back if you are already on path to healing.  Today’s podcast is about Perfectionism. Perfectionism is something I believe our society has rewarded and celebrated to the detriment of our mental health. Researchers are finding that it is nothing short of dangerous, leading to a long list of health problems – and that it’s on the rise. The rise in perfectionism doesn’t mean each generation is becoming more accomplished. It means we’re getting sicker, sadder and even undermining our own potential.I learned that perfectionism doesn’t just that it holds you back from being your most successful, productive self. It is linked to: depression, anxiety, self-sabotaging behaviors, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, addictions, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, migraines, and even suicide.My reaction to well-entrenched toxic family patterns caused me to be an overachiever and I was obsessed with outcomes and results. I believed I was valuable only because of what I accomplished or what I did for other people. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Perfectionism Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3200317 Wed, 01 Apr 2020 11:00:00 -0400 628 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 26 full true TSSH 25 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: toxic shame) TSSH 25 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic: toxic shame) Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Toxic Shame. Toxic shame eats away at your spirit and soul, crushing positive energy out of us and allowing negative life forces like self-hate to take over. We shrink. We feel like we mean nothing. We feel we are nothing. As a result of toxic shame passed down through generations in my family, I believed that I was unlovable; I don’t matter; everything is my fault; I can’t do anything right; I’m a bad person; my needs and feelings are not important; I can’t be myself around others; I have to hide my true emotions and the real me; I’m never good enough. As Brené Brown states so eloquently, it’s common for trauma survivors to “dress rehearse tragedy” in order to try to “protect themselves” from future trauma. They may run through every scenario they can think of and come up with a plan for how to handle it. They may think, if they act in a certain way, bad things won’t happen. I was addicted to dress rehearsing tragedy.  It controlled my every waking thought and guided every bad decision I made and it made me reenact the trauma over and over again. Generational toxic shame passes down through family members because no one is aware of their own trauma.  Shame replaces innocence, joy, curiosity and forced everyone in my family to build disturbing walls of protection, blame and defiance. My mom, Dad and stepdad were so full of shame that they couldn’t help but project it onto me. If I hadn’t woken up, I would have passed it on to my children. Toxic shame can turn on a genetic predisposition for depression, addiction, fibromyalgia, gut issues, autoimmune disorders, physical illness, personality disorders, mental illness and the list goes on.

https://www.angermanage.co.uk/shame-test/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Toxic Shame. Toxic shame eats away at your spirit and soul, crushing positive energy out of us and allowing negative life forces like self-hate to take over. We shrink. We feel like we mean nothing. We feel we are nothing. As a result of toxic shame passed down through generations in my family, I believed that I was unlovable; I don’t matter; everything is my fault; I can’t do anything right; I’m a bad person; my needs and feelings are not important; I can’t be myself around others; I have to hide my true emotions and the real me; I’m never good enough. As Brené Brown states so eloquently, it’s common for trauma survivors to “dress rehearse tragedy” in order to try to “protect themselves” from future trauma. They may run through every scenario they can think of and come up with a plan for how to handle it. They may think, if they act in a certain way, bad things won’t happen. I was addicted to dress rehearsing tragedy.  It controlled my every waking thought and guided every bad decision I made and it made me reenact the trauma over and over again. Generational toxic shame passes down through family members because no one is aware of their own trauma.  Shame replaces innocence, joy, curiosity and forced everyone in my family to build disturbing walls of protection, blame and defiance. My mom, Dad and stepdad were so full of shame that they couldn’t help but project it onto me. If I hadn’t woken up, I would have passed it on to my children. Toxic shame can turn on a genetic predisposition for depression, addiction, fibromyalgia, gut issues, autoimmune disorders, physical illness, personality disorders, mental illness and the list goes on.

https://www.angermanage.co.uk/shame-test/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Toxic Shame Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3177178 Mon, 30 Mar 2020 15:00:00 -0400 830 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 25 full false TSSH 24 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-Dissociation | Emotional detachment) TSSH 24 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-Dissociation | Emotional detachment) Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Dissociation | Emotional detachment. Dissociation, or emotional detachment, is a defense mechanism used to cope with highly stressful or overwhelming emotions. It is a disconnection between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I avoided dealing with traumatic memories and negative emotions which was caused by my toxic parents who had no emotional awareness and did not and could not teach healthy emotional regulation. For most of my life I coped poorly with obstacles both big and small, tried to control everything and when emotions would surface was I was totally overwhelmed by them so I would shut down. I remember as a child having really bad panic attacks followed by crippling emptiness afterward and felt totally depleted, and that kind of emotional exhaustion can feel like numbness. Acknowledging the role you may be playing in your own misery by identifying causes, triggers, and stressors, learning to maturely deal with them and reframing both past and present experiences in order to see them as they really are and not through a learned distorted lens. This was a game changer for me.  Once I understood that I actually did have a choice – a choice that my past did not have to continue to define me for the rest of my life.  There was a huge wave of relief and freedom that washed over me when I learned that I could teach myself new coping strategies and not remain stuck with the same toxic family patterns that plagued my family for over 100 years.

 www.talkspace.com
www.betterhelp.com
www.katimorton.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G07OLla_bao



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place.  Fill your Still. Dissociation | Emotional detachment. Dissociation, or emotional detachment, is a defense mechanism used to cope with highly stressful or overwhelming emotions. It is a disconnection between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I avoided dealing with traumatic memories and negative emotions which was caused by my toxic parents who had no emotional awareness and did not and could not teach healthy emotional regulation. For most of my life I coped poorly with obstacles both big and small, tried to control everything and when emotions would surface was I was totally overwhelmed by them so I would shut down. I remember as a child having really bad panic attacks followed by crippling emptiness afterward and felt totally depleted, and that kind of emotional exhaustion can feel like numbness. Acknowledging the role you may be playing in your own misery by identifying causes, triggers, and stressors, learning to maturely deal with them and reframing both past and present experiences in order to see them as they really are and not through a learned distorted lens. This was a game changer for me.  Once I understood that I actually did have a choice – a choice that my past did not have to continue to define me for the rest of my life.  There was a huge wave of relief and freedom that washed over me when I learned that I could teach myself new coping strategies and not remain stuck with the same toxic family patterns that plagued my family for over 100 years.

 www.talkspace.com
www.betterhelp.com
www.katimorton.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G07OLla_bao



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Dissociation Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3151957 Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:00:00 -0400 701 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 24 full false TSSH 23 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-spirituality) TSSH 23 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-spirituality) Heal in place.  Fill your still. Spirituality. During these unusual and uncertain times, I created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey.  Many of you cannot attend your place of religious worship so I thought spirituality might be a helpful topic to cover. In 2014, I hit rock bottom – hard.  During my recovery from severe depression and crippling anxiety I discovered a world of resources on the internet. Simply put, google saved my life. Many of us right now are sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  This forced “stillness” can be tortuous and painful for those still grappling with the effects of a toxic childhood.  I am hoping to alleviate some of that pain by providing resources to begin your healing journey or be the wind at your back if you are already on path to authentic spiritual awakening.  I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still. Today’s podcast is dedicated to Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol.  I am sharing today, how the information on their web site lonerwolf.com helped me.

Express yourself. If you don't already engage in artistic or expressive activities, learn to dance, make something, study a topic that interests you, play a musical instrument, engage in creative writing, start a personal journal, or take art lessons. Doing so puts you in touch with your creative, right brain side. We all need to balance the logical, linear aspects of ourselves. It took me too long to figure this out.  Being aware of, and cultivating spirituality contributes to our overall joy and happiness. It's never too late to develop it.  I am much more content and fulfilled since I started devoting part of my life to psychology, music and writing. https://lonerwolf.com/
 
If there is a topic you would like me to cover email me at thestuckstopshere@gmail.com



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in place.  Fill your still. Spirituality. During these unusual and uncertain times, I created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey.  Many of you cannot attend your place of religious worship so I thought spirituality might be a helpful topic to cover. In 2014, I hit rock bottom – hard.  During my recovery from severe depression and crippling anxiety I discovered a world of resources on the internet. Simply put, google saved my life. Many of us right now are sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  This forced “stillness” can be tortuous and painful for those still grappling with the effects of a toxic childhood.  I am hoping to alleviate some of that pain by providing resources to begin your healing journey or be the wind at your back if you are already on path to authentic spiritual awakening.  I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still. Today’s podcast is dedicated to Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol.  I am sharing today, how the information on their web site lonerwolf.com helped me.

Express yourself. If you don't already engage in artistic or expressive activities, learn to dance, make something, study a topic that interests you, play a musical instrument, engage in creative writing, start a personal journal, or take art lessons. Doing so puts you in touch with your creative, right brain side. We all need to balance the logical, linear aspects of ourselves. It took me too long to figure this out.  Being aware of, and cultivating spirituality contributes to our overall joy and happiness. It's never too late to develop it.  I am much more content and fulfilled since I started devoting part of my life to psychology, music and writing. https://lonerwolf.com/
 
If there is a topic you would like me to cover email me at thestuckstopshere@gmail.com



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Spirituality Tami R Atman, Buzzsprout-3094129 Mon, 23 Mar 2020 10:00:00 -0400 750 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 23 full false TSSH 22 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-emotionally immature parents) TSSH 22 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-emotionally immature parents) Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Emotionally Immature Parents. During these uncertain and anxious times, I have created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey.  If you are sheltering in place, perhaps use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies.  If you are like how I used to be…a chaotic emotional fire fighter…this quiet time may feel like torture.  If you experiencing a spiritual awakening and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a direct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.

Today’s episode is dedicated to Dr. Jonice Webb and Dr. Lindsay Gibson. I have read their books and articles and highly recommend them.  They detail how emotionally immature parents feel safest when they maintain control by using guilt and shame. Their parent-child attachment is more about dominance and obedience than affection, security, and guidance. The child of emotionally immature parents is there to serve the needs of the parent, not the other way around. It is clear to children that they are literally good or bad on the basis of how well they please the parents. Emotionally immature parents like mine are thin-skinned, see themselves as god like and I spent my childhood avoiding displeasing these all-powerful beings who can strike an innocent fearful child down with vengeance or abandon you when you are weakest

http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/

https://drjonicewebb.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Emotionally Immature Parents. During these uncertain and anxious times, I have created mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey.  If you are sheltering in place, perhaps use this time of no distractions to acquire new healing strategies.  If you are like how I used to be…a chaotic emotional fire fighter…this quiet time may feel like torture.  If you experiencing a spiritual awakening and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a direct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.

Today’s episode is dedicated to Dr. Jonice Webb and Dr. Lindsay Gibson. I have read their books and articles and highly recommend them.  They detail how emotionally immature parents feel safest when they maintain control by using guilt and shame. Their parent-child attachment is more about dominance and obedience than affection, security, and guidance. The child of emotionally immature parents is there to serve the needs of the parent, not the other way around. It is clear to children that they are literally good or bad on the basis of how well they please the parents. Emotionally immature parents like mine are thin-skinned, see themselves as god like and I spent my childhood avoiding displeasing these all-powerful beings who can strike an innocent fearful child down with vengeance or abandon you when you are weakest

http://www.drlindsaygibson.com/

https://drjonicewebb.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Emotionally Immature Parents Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3075358 Sat, 21 Mar 2020 12:00:00 -0400 599 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 22 full false TSSH 21 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-codependency) TSSH 21 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-codependency) Heal in place.  Fill your still. Codependency. During these very scary times, I am creating mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way.  Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture.  If you have woken up and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still. This minipodcast is dedicated to Darlene Lancer as she was a very valuable resource for me on my healing journey.

“Codependency…is learned inaccurate information…that you are not enough, that you don’t matter, that your feelings are wrong, or that you don’t deserve respect. These are the false beliefs that most codependents are raised with…and is usually handed down for generations”. ~Darlene Lancer

Codependency is when you take on the burden of fixing something in someone else's life that is their responsibility. Children develop their sense of identity, identify their values, and learn how to communicate and express their needs and feelings based on parental interaction. Parents play a large role in shaping who and what their child becomes in life. Codependent children lack a positive, nurturing parent-child relationship. They lack confidence to succeed and many don't feel accepted. Codependency is just a poor coping strategy. When I felt anxious about my life, codependency allowed me to “feel in control” by distracting me from my pain and unresolved issues. We take responsibility for other people and try to carry them along, even if the weight of their problems is enormous. What we are really trying to do is get the person to stop acting in ways that trigger our own insecurities. Trying to achieve an increased sense of safety, I was sure things would get better once I ”fixed” them.

I was suffocatingly over-connected to my mom and stepdad and constantly afraid of disappointing them and making them angry. This prevented me from ever knowing myself. I wasn’t allowed or encouraged to explore my own interests or discover who I was. Codependent children learn to suppress who we are to please others and avoid conflicts. In adulthood, we tend to stay enmeshed or focus on other people such that we really don’t know who we are, what we like, or what we want. I was defined by the parentified role I had to play growing up.  Recovery meant learning about who I was supposed to be and what I wanted out of life.

Darlene Lancer
https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in place.  Fill your still. Codependency. During these very scary times, I am creating mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way.  Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture.  If you have woken up and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still. This minipodcast is dedicated to Darlene Lancer as she was a very valuable resource for me on my healing journey.

“Codependency…is learned inaccurate information…that you are not enough, that you don’t matter, that your feelings are wrong, or that you don’t deserve respect. These are the false beliefs that most codependents are raised with…and is usually handed down for generations”. ~Darlene Lancer

Codependency is when you take on the burden of fixing something in someone else's life that is their responsibility. Children develop their sense of identity, identify their values, and learn how to communicate and express their needs and feelings based on parental interaction. Parents play a large role in shaping who and what their child becomes in life. Codependent children lack a positive, nurturing parent-child relationship. They lack confidence to succeed and many don't feel accepted. Codependency is just a poor coping strategy. When I felt anxious about my life, codependency allowed me to “feel in control” by distracting me from my pain and unresolved issues. We take responsibility for other people and try to carry them along, even if the weight of their problems is enormous. What we are really trying to do is get the person to stop acting in ways that trigger our own insecurities. Trying to achieve an increased sense of safety, I was sure things would get better once I ”fixed” them.

I was suffocatingly over-connected to my mom and stepdad and constantly afraid of disappointing them and making them angry. This prevented me from ever knowing myself. I wasn’t allowed or encouraged to explore my own interests or discover who I was. Codependent children learn to suppress who we are to please others and avoid conflicts. In adulthood, we tend to stay enmeshed or focus on other people such that we really don’t know who we are, what we like, or what we want. I was defined by the parentified role I had to play growing up.  Recovery meant learning about who I was supposed to be and what I wanted out of life.

Darlene Lancer
https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3074668 Sat, 21 Mar 2020 10:00:00 -0400 658 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 21 full false TSSH 20 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-abandonment) TSSH 20 - Heal in Place. Fill your Still. (topic-abandonment) Heal in place.  Fill your still. Abandonment. During these unusual and uncertain times, I thought it would help to create mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way.  Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture.  If you have woken up and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.

My father physically abandoned me most of my childhood and my mother emotionally abandoned me my entire life. Living with repeated abandonment experiences created toxic shame and for me was a very destructive force in my life. The painful message I constantly received was: “You are not important. You are not of value." This is the pain from which I needed to heal. Emotional abandonment occurs when parents do not provide the emotional conditions and the nurturing environment necessary for healthy development. I like to define emotional abandonment as "occurring when a child has to hide a part of who he or she is in order to be accepted, or to not be rejected." When parents are critical, dismissive, invasive, or preoccupied, they’re unable to empathize with their child’s feelings and needs. The child will feel misunderstood, alone, hurt or angry, rejected, or deflated. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn’t take much for a child to feel hurt, abandoned, and ashamed.

Breaking the cycle means being unlearning and relearning, re-parenting ourselves and employing self-compassion. Thanks to decades of attachment studies, we know that healthy effective bonds guarantee the development of a fulfilling life filled with healthy relationships, healthy self-esteem, and the security and trust of others. On the other hand, insecure attachment sets us on a path towards insecurity, low self-esteem and lack of trust towards those around us.

Please visit John Bradshaw and Beverly Engel - they are  wonderful resources.
https://www.johnbradshaw.com/about-john-bradshaw
http://healmyshame.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Heal in place.  Fill your still. Abandonment. During these unusual and uncertain times, I thought it would help to create mini-podcasts to share the resources I used on my healing journey in a more direct way.  Most of us may be sheltering in place –with no distractions and also no escape.  If you are like the old erratically busy me…this “stillness” may be torture.  If you have woken up and are searching for a path to recovery or already on a healing journey…I truly hope these mini-podcasts resonate.  I try to cover a lot of ground in a succinct way so you can heal in place and fill your still.

My father physically abandoned me most of my childhood and my mother emotionally abandoned me my entire life. Living with repeated abandonment experiences created toxic shame and for me was a very destructive force in my life. The painful message I constantly received was: “You are not important. You are not of value." This is the pain from which I needed to heal. Emotional abandonment occurs when parents do not provide the emotional conditions and the nurturing environment necessary for healthy development. I like to define emotional abandonment as "occurring when a child has to hide a part of who he or she is in order to be accepted, or to not be rejected." When parents are critical, dismissive, invasive, or preoccupied, they’re unable to empathize with their child’s feelings and needs. The child will feel misunderstood, alone, hurt or angry, rejected, or deflated. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn’t take much for a child to feel hurt, abandoned, and ashamed.

Breaking the cycle means being unlearning and relearning, re-parenting ourselves and employing self-compassion. Thanks to decades of attachment studies, we know that healthy effective bonds guarantee the development of a fulfilling life filled with healthy relationships, healthy self-esteem, and the security and trust of others. On the other hand, insecure attachment sets us on a path towards insecurity, low self-esteem and lack of trust towards those around us.

Please visit John Bradshaw and Beverly Engel - they are  wonderful resources.
https://www.johnbradshaw.com/about-john-bradshaw
http://healmyshame.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://Heal in Place. Fill your Still. Tami R Atman Buzzsprout-3074314 Sat, 21 Mar 2020 08:00:00 -0400 728 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 20 bonus false TSSH 19 - Minding Your Fulfillness-business is Prophetable TSSH 19 - Minding Your Fulfillness-business is Prophetable "Uncertainty is one of the most difficult human experiences. Uncertainty means not having control over what might happen to us. We don’t do so well when we don’t have a sense of control – we may feel more anxious and more depressed and be more susceptible to pain and physical illnesses. Because a sense of control is so vital to our health and well-being, our minds go to great lengths to gain a sense of control in the face of uncertainty " - Inna Khazan, Ph.D., BCB 

Mindfulness is a term that comes out of a Western adaptation of Buddhist approaches, It enhance awareness and has numerous benefits, everything from decreased stress and sadness to increased levels focus and happiness, according to general mindfulness research. Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state encompasses observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. No dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. It is a tool that allows people to be more aware of their physical and emotional conditions without getting bogged down in self-criticism and judgment. The key is learning how to pay attention. Mindfulness can take place through meditation sessions or smaller moments throughout the day. To cultivate a state of mindfulness, you can begin by sitting down and taking deep breaths. Focus on each breath and the sensations of the moment, such as sounds, scents, the temperature, and the feeling of air passing in and out of the body. When you live anxiously like I used to it’s too easy to lose ourselves in autopilot all the time, On autopilot we tend to get lost in ‘doing’ so we find ourselves constantly striving and struggling and ‘getting stuff done’ instead of really living. We also become vulnerable to anxiety, stress, depression and reactivity. Research shows, in fact, that the more our minds wander, the less happy we are. Mindfulness actually shrinks the the brain’s “fight or flight” center, the amygdala. This primal region of the brain, associated with fear and emotion, is involved in the initiation of the body’s response to stress.  This is the part of the brain responsible for so many destructive emotions like fear, unhappiness and anger Mindfulness can help people train themselves to get unstuck from a vicious cycle of negative thinking by activating the parts of your brain that are most useful in responding to uncertainty or other difficult feelings.

https://www.mindfulnesscds.com/

https://www.tarabrach.com/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/biofeedback-and-mindfulness-in-everyday-life/202003/5-steps-living-uncertainty-during

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> "Uncertainty is one of the most difficult human experiences. Uncertainty means not having control over what might happen to us. We don’t do so well when we don’t have a sense of control – we may feel more anxious and more depressed and be more susceptible to pain and physical illnesses. Because a sense of control is so vital to our health and well-being, our minds go to great lengths to gain a sense of control in the face of uncertainty " - Inna Khazan, Ph.D., BCB 

Mindfulness is a term that comes out of a Western adaptation of Buddhist approaches, It enhance awareness and has numerous benefits, everything from decreased stress and sadness to increased levels focus and happiness, according to general mindfulness research. Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state encompasses observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. No dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. It is a tool that allows people to be more aware of their physical and emotional conditions without getting bogged down in self-criticism and judgment. The key is learning how to pay attention. Mindfulness can take place through meditation sessions or smaller moments throughout the day. To cultivate a state of mindfulness, you can begin by sitting down and taking deep breaths. Focus on each breath and the sensations of the moment, such as sounds, scents, the temperature, and the feeling of air passing in and out of the body. When you live anxiously like I used to it’s too easy to lose ourselves in autopilot all the time, On autopilot we tend to get lost in ‘doing’ so we find ourselves constantly striving and struggling and ‘getting stuff done’ instead of really living. We also become vulnerable to anxiety, stress, depression and reactivity. Research shows, in fact, that the more our minds wander, the less happy we are. Mindfulness actually shrinks the the brain’s “fight or flight” center, the amygdala. This primal region of the brain, associated with fear and emotion, is involved in the initiation of the body’s response to stress.  This is the part of the brain responsible for so many destructive emotions like fear, unhappiness and anger Mindfulness can help people train themselves to get unstuck from a vicious cycle of negative thinking by activating the parts of your brain that are most useful in responding to uncertainty or other difficult feelings.

https://www.mindfulnesscds.com/

https://www.tarabrach.com/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/biofeedback-and-mindfulness-in-everyday-life/202003/5-steps-living-uncertainty-during

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-3048514 Wed, 18 Mar 2020 14:00:00 -0400 1604 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 2 9 full false TSSH 18 - overly responsiBULLoney 🐃+💩 TSSH 18 - overly responsiBULLoney 🐃+💩 For as long as I can remember, I’ve been over-responsible. I was overly connected to vibes and energy,  I was hypervigilant and hyper attuned to my surroundings and was expected to read minds (particularly my deaf mother) by the time from birth and I learned that I must try to be as pleasing as possible even if it hurt. I’m not alone.  I was raised to be the hero – the one that made my parents look good. I’ve felt that I have to be strong and so avoid showing ‘weakness’ by asking for help, expressing needs or sharing my feelings. For the last 100 + years my family live as if they’re in a bad reality tv series.  Many people like me  in relationships, or have confidence issues at work, and/or have low self-worth, are over-responsible and like me have learned very early in life to be responsible for other people’s feelings, opinions, behavior, needs, expectations and desires. I spent decades as a people pleaser who suppressed and repressed everything about me to prioritize others and also to also minimize or eliminate conflict, criticism, rejection and disappointment. I did good things for the wrong reasons because didn’t know any different. One day I woke up realized I was still in this role and it was making me miserable. I didn’t see it until I hit rock bottom and woke up to realize that doing the same thing that I’ve always done is costing me my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being.

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/giving-up-the-role-of-being-over-responsible/

https://valorieburton.com/2017/07/30/responsible-6-signs-unhealthy-sense-responsibility/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-personal-renaissance/201604/are-you-too-responsible-your-own-good

https://adultchildren.org/

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> For as long as I can remember, I’ve been over-responsible. I was overly connected to vibes and energy,  I was hypervigilant and hyper attuned to my surroundings and was expected to read minds (particularly my deaf mother) by the time from birth and I learned that I must try to be as pleasing as possible even if it hurt. I’m not alone.  I was raised to be the hero – the one that made my parents look good. I’ve felt that I have to be strong and so avoid showing ‘weakness’ by asking for help, expressing needs or sharing my feelings. For the last 100 + years my family live as if they’re in a bad reality tv series.  Many people like me  in relationships, or have confidence issues at work, and/or have low self-worth, are over-responsible and like me have learned very early in life to be responsible for other people’s feelings, opinions, behavior, needs, expectations and desires. I spent decades as a people pleaser who suppressed and repressed everything about me to prioritize others and also to also minimize or eliminate conflict, criticism, rejection and disappointment. I did good things for the wrong reasons because didn’t know any different. One day I woke up realized I was still in this role and it was making me miserable. I didn’t see it until I hit rock bottom and woke up to realize that doing the same thing that I’ve always done is costing me my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being.

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/giving-up-the-role-of-being-over-responsible/

https://valorieburton.com/2017/07/30/responsible-6-signs-unhealthy-sense-responsibility/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-personal-renaissance/201604/are-you-too-responsible-your-own-good

https://adultchildren.org/

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged



https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2917153 Wed, 04 Mar 2020 14:00:00 -0500 2890 2 8 full true TSSH 17 - LegGO of my EGgO 👉 🧇 👈 TSSH 17 - LegGO of my EGgO 👉 🧇 👈 The English word "ego" is the Latin word for “I.” Literally translated, ego means “I.”

It is the ego sense of self that identifies and neutralizes perceived threats. It is the ego that often views life as a competition for the limited resources. All experiences of fear and resentment are directly related to perceived threats. Referred to as the ‘monkey mind’ in Buddhist scripture, the ego voice likes to bounce around weighing in on absolutely everything forming judgements, opinions and beliefs that can be easily misinterpreted as truth. The ego began forming in infancy and is the basis of your self image and personality. The ego is the voice of the subconscious mind and its primary job is to keep you safe. Though its motives are altruistic, its methods are obsolete in a world where no wild animals are about to eat you and finding food for dinner is the least of your concerns. Your ego develops to protect you from your reality. It creates an identity for you to cope with any confusion, disconnection, and loss of love that you experienced. It strengthens an identity (usually a false identity) to ensure to the best of your ability that we can still receive whatever love is available.

 If it’s a thought out of fear, worry, guilt, shame etc... it’s the ego not the inner self. If the thought feels good, peaceful and true the it’s authentic-based not ego-based.

 

https://pathwaytohappiness.com/blog/what-is-the-ego/​

 http://www.oprah.com/own-show/dr-shefali-tsabary-what-daughters-really-need-from-their-mothers#ixzz6EtCAZtXG

 http://motherhoodinpointoffact.com/parental-ego/

 https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-pressing-need-for-everyone-to-quiet-their-egos/

Daily Om article by Madisyn Taylor https://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/articledisplay.cgi?aid=71246

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The English word "ego" is the Latin word for “I.” Literally translated, ego means “I.”

It is the ego sense of self that identifies and neutralizes perceived threats. It is the ego that often views life as a competition for the limited resources. All experiences of fear and resentment are directly related to perceived threats. Referred to as the ‘monkey mind’ in Buddhist scripture, the ego voice likes to bounce around weighing in on absolutely everything forming judgements, opinions and beliefs that can be easily misinterpreted as truth. The ego began forming in infancy and is the basis of your self image and personality. The ego is the voice of the subconscious mind and its primary job is to keep you safe. Though its motives are altruistic, its methods are obsolete in a world where no wild animals are about to eat you and finding food for dinner is the least of your concerns. Your ego develops to protect you from your reality. It creates an identity for you to cope with any confusion, disconnection, and loss of love that you experienced. It strengthens an identity (usually a false identity) to ensure to the best of your ability that we can still receive whatever love is available.

 If it’s a thought out of fear, worry, guilt, shame etc... it’s the ego not the inner self. If the thought feels good, peaceful and true the it’s authentic-based not ego-based.

 

https://pathwaytohappiness.com/blog/what-is-the-ego/​

 http://www.oprah.com/own-show/dr-shefali-tsabary-what-daughters-really-need-from-their-mothers#ixzz6EtCAZtXG

 http://motherhoodinpointoffact.com/parental-ego/

 https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/the-pressing-need-for-everyone-to-quiet-their-egos/

Daily Om article by Madisyn Taylor https://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/articledisplay.cgi?aid=71246

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2849953 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 14:00:00 -0500 2500 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 2 7 full true TSSH 16 - Untwisted Sistahs From The Same Mistah 👨‍👧‍👧(Featured Guest: Yochi Yakir Avin) TSSH 16 - Untwisted Sistahs From The Same Mistah 👨‍👧‍👧(Featured Guest: Yochi Yakir Avin) Too many of us have a mother wound story to tell.  A mother wound is often manifested when a mother, whose unhealed personal trauma, be it verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment, caused the mother to adopt toxic coping strategies that developed into character flaws. This character flaws manifest in many ways… it can be an unhealthy way of communicating, emotionally abusive on the child, over controlling, manipulation, constant criticism, guilt trips and neglect. Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential. However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection. 

For 41 years, LW didn't know about Yochi - her older half sister's existence. Finally at the age of 50, Yochi came to America and demanded that LW be told about her.  They shared the same father and both had emotionally abusive mothers - LW's mother was codependent and Yochi's mother a narcissist. In 2008, at the age of 40, LW (born and raised in NY) met her half sister (raised in Israel) and they have been the best of friends ever since.  This is quite a story.

https://lonerwolf.com/healing-the-mother-wound/

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/the-mother-wound-under-mothered.htm

https://upliftconnect.com/the-mother-wound/

Yochi's Art - https://www.yochiyakiravin.com/

Yochi's Instagram-  https://www.instagram.com/yochiyakiravin/

LW's Music-  https://lisayves.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Too many of us have a mother wound story to tell.  A mother wound is often manifested when a mother, whose unhealed personal trauma, be it verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment, caused the mother to adopt toxic coping strategies that developed into character flaws. This character flaws manifest in many ways… it can be an unhealthy way of communicating, emotionally abusive on the child, over controlling, manipulation, constant criticism, guilt trips and neglect. Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mother’s unconscious beliefs (which is some subtle form of “I’m not good enough”) then she has her mother’s approval but has in some way betrayed herself and her potential. However, if she doesn’t internalize her mother’s unconscious beliefs in her own limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection. 

For 41 years, LW didn't know about Yochi - her older half sister's existence. Finally at the age of 50, Yochi came to America and demanded that LW be told about her.  They shared the same father and both had emotionally abusive mothers - LW's mother was codependent and Yochi's mother a narcissist. In 2008, at the age of 40, LW (born and raised in NY) met her half sister (raised in Israel) and they have been the best of friends ever since.  This is quite a story.

https://lonerwolf.com/healing-the-mother-wound/

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/the-mother-wound-under-mothered.htm

https://upliftconnect.com/the-mother-wound/

Yochi's Art - https://www.yochiyakiravin.com/

Yochi's Instagram-  https://www.instagram.com/yochiyakiravin/

LW's Music-  https://lisayves.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2788279 Wed, 19 Feb 2020 15:00:00 -0500 3658 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 2 6 full true TSSH 15 - Henrietta Hippocampus 🦛 TSSH 15 - Henrietta Hippocampus 🦛 Hippocampus regulates motivation, emotion, learning, and memory and where short-term memories are turned into long-term memories. These are then stored elsewhere in the brain. Research has shown that nerve cells continue to develop throughout adulthood. The hippocampus is one of the few places in the brain new nerve cells are generated. In many articles I have read, the hippocampus could be described as the "heart of the brain”. Chronic stress releases cortisol, a stress hormone which can damage and affect the growth of the hippocampus. During times of stress, the body reacts by secreting stress hormones into the bloodstream. Stress can cause unhealthy changes in certain brain areas which can cause long-term damage. The longer you are in an emotionally abusive environment, the more deterioration of the hippocampus.  Emotional abuse is devastating and can often be more traumatic than physical wounds. The inability to experience feelings and manage your emotions leaves emotional survivors susceptible to emotional outbursts or “dulled” responses. Both forms of abuse resulted in less connection between different parts of the brain and interfering with the ability respond in healthy ways and fosters hyper-reactivity.  When the hippocampus is small it can make it more difficult for a child to process and deal with traumatic events, which in turn may raise both stress and cortisol levels that cause even more damage. Studies show that toxic stress can have an adverse impact on brain architecture. Severe, chronic emotional neglect and abuse, especially during early, sensitive periods of brain development, the regions of the brain involved in fear, anxiety, and impulsive responses may overproduce neural connections while those regions dedicated to reasoning, planning, and behavioral control may produce fewer neural connections.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/liberation/2017/10/long-term-narcissistic-abuse-can-cause-brain-damage/

https://nypost.com/2017/11/02/brain-scans-reveal-how-badly-emotional-abuse-damages-kids/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327080.php

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Hippocampus regulates motivation, emotion, learning, and memory and where short-term memories are turned into long-term memories. These are then stored elsewhere in the brain. Research has shown that nerve cells continue to develop throughout adulthood. The hippocampus is one of the few places in the brain new nerve cells are generated. In many articles I have read, the hippocampus could be described as the "heart of the brain”. Chronic stress releases cortisol, a stress hormone which can damage and affect the growth of the hippocampus. During times of stress, the body reacts by secreting stress hormones into the bloodstream. Stress can cause unhealthy changes in certain brain areas which can cause long-term damage. The longer you are in an emotionally abusive environment, the more deterioration of the hippocampus.  Emotional abuse is devastating and can often be more traumatic than physical wounds. The inability to experience feelings and manage your emotions leaves emotional survivors susceptible to emotional outbursts or “dulled” responses. Both forms of abuse resulted in less connection between different parts of the brain and interfering with the ability respond in healthy ways and fosters hyper-reactivity.  When the hippocampus is small it can make it more difficult for a child to process and deal with traumatic events, which in turn may raise both stress and cortisol levels that cause even more damage. Studies show that toxic stress can have an adverse impact on brain architecture. Severe, chronic emotional neglect and abuse, especially during early, sensitive periods of brain development, the regions of the brain involved in fear, anxiety, and impulsive responses may overproduce neural connections while those regions dedicated to reasoning, planning, and behavioral control may produce fewer neural connections.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/liberation/2017/10/long-term-narcissistic-abuse-can-cause-brain-damage/

https://nypost.com/2017/11/02/brain-scans-reveal-how-badly-emotional-abuse-damages-kids/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327080.php

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2667589 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 15:00:00 -0500 2405 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 2 5 full true TSSH 14 - If I Go There Will Be Trouble, And If I Stay It Will Be Double 🎵(The Clash 1982) TSSH 14 - If I Go There Will Be Trouble, And If I Stay It Will Be Double 🎵(The Clash 1982) If you simply detach and remove yourself from your narcissistic parent without doing your own work, you will not heal.  You will not learn authenticity.  You will not develop inner peace. Your true self will not surface if you take yourself out of the situation without completing your internal growth. If you don’t place responsibility for the hurt where it belongs — with those who hurt you — you will block growth and false guilt will force you to let a narcissistic parent back into your life every single time

“What’s more important than initiating a break is learning how to be assertive and set limited boundaries when parents are inappropriate, controlling, invasive or abusive.” - DARLENE LANCER, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

·       Low Contact means reserving contact for emergencies and holidays, knowing there will likely be abuse offered. This is like returning to the stove again and again, knowing you will get burned, but deciding the circumstances warrant it. I advise combining this with Protected Contact when possible.

·       No Contact means exactly what it says. It’s a decision requiring much thought, exploring with a licensed and qualified mental health professional, and a lot of courage. Our society can be judgmental about this decision and the patient must be prepared for these responses, as well as the feelings of grief that may follow.
https://darlenelancer.com/

https://daughtersrising.info/

https://www.innerintegration.com/

https://rockwall-counseling.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> If you simply detach and remove yourself from your narcissistic parent without doing your own work, you will not heal.  You will not learn authenticity.  You will not develop inner peace. Your true self will not surface if you take yourself out of the situation without completing your internal growth. If you don’t place responsibility for the hurt where it belongs — with those who hurt you — you will block growth and false guilt will force you to let a narcissistic parent back into your life every single time

“What’s more important than initiating a break is learning how to be assertive and set limited boundaries when parents are inappropriate, controlling, invasive or abusive.” - DARLENE LANCER, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST

·       Low Contact means reserving contact for emergencies and holidays, knowing there will likely be abuse offered. This is like returning to the stove again and again, knowing you will get burned, but deciding the circumstances warrant it. I advise combining this with Protected Contact when possible.

·       No Contact means exactly what it says. It’s a decision requiring much thought, exploring with a licensed and qualified mental health professional, and a lot of courage. Our society can be judgmental about this decision and the patient must be prepared for these responses, as well as the feelings of grief that may follow.
https://darlenelancer.com/

https://daughtersrising.info/

https://www.innerintegration.com/

https://rockwall-counseling.com/

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2610448 Wed, 29 Jan 2020 14:00:00 -0500 2464 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 2 4 full true TSSH 13 - Sorry My Birth Ruined Your Golf Game 🏌️‍♂️⛳️ TSSH 13 - Sorry My Birth Ruined Your Golf Game 🏌️‍♂️⛳️ According to an open, quantitative online research study conducted by the authors for our book, The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives (Avery, June, 2016), out of approximately 2,000 female respondents between the ages of approximately 15 and 80, of diverse backgrounds, 50% of females identified as fatherless. These women cited a range of reasons that they became fatherless, including parents’ divorce or separation (28%), emotional absence (26%), death (19%), desertion (13%), addiction (13%), abuse (12%), never having met their father (6%) and incarceration (4%). As I evolved into a young adult, these repressed emotions rose to the surface. This lack of understanding of my current emotional reaction to fear of abandonment -- became an over-reaction to everything -- and I always felt guilty, isolated, misunderstood, and  out of control.  This is where the obvious divide comes for women who have experienced father loss. Life experiences can be post-traumatic triggers that unearth pain hidden since she was a child. Often faced with assuming responsibility at a young age, she grows up more quickly than her peers and develops qualities of self-reliance, leadership and perseverance. The flip side of these positive attributes is that the fatherless daughter can take on far too much herself. Because of taking care of my mother, I developed the tendency to carry burdens for others. I become over-stressed and psychologically taxed. While I developed powerful coping mechanisms, I always put myself last, leading to isolation, loneliness and depression.

Article- How growing up without a dad affects women
Article - What it's like to be a fatherless daughter
John Bradshaw Best selling books

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> According to an open, quantitative online research study conducted by the authors for our book, The Fatherless Daughter Project: Understanding Our Losses and Reclaiming Our Lives (Avery, June, 2016), out of approximately 2,000 female respondents between the ages of approximately 15 and 80, of diverse backgrounds, 50% of females identified as fatherless. These women cited a range of reasons that they became fatherless, including parents’ divorce or separation (28%), emotional absence (26%), death (19%), desertion (13%), addiction (13%), abuse (12%), never having met their father (6%) and incarceration (4%). As I evolved into a young adult, these repressed emotions rose to the surface. This lack of understanding of my current emotional reaction to fear of abandonment -- became an over-reaction to everything -- and I always felt guilty, isolated, misunderstood, and  out of control.  This is where the obvious divide comes for women who have experienced father loss. Life experiences can be post-traumatic triggers that unearth pain hidden since she was a child. Often faced with assuming responsibility at a young age, she grows up more quickly than her peers and develops qualities of self-reliance, leadership and perseverance. The flip side of these positive attributes is that the fatherless daughter can take on far too much herself. Because of taking care of my mother, I developed the tendency to carry burdens for others. I become over-stressed and psychologically taxed. While I developed powerful coping mechanisms, I always put myself last, leading to isolation, loneliness and depression.

Article- How growing up without a dad affects women
Article - What it's like to be a fatherless daughter
John Bradshaw Best selling books

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2554894 Wed, 22 Jan 2020 15:00:00 -0500 2786 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 2 3 full false TSSH 12 - ME! What’s yours is MINE! All about ME! Did I mention ME? 👆 TSSH 12 - ME! What’s yours is MINE! All about ME! Did I mention ME? 👆 Narcissistic mothers do not have children for the same reasons the rest of us do. They do not look forward to the birth of their child because they can’t wait to see what they look like or what type of personality they will have or who they will become. I was conceived for 2 reasons, to keep my Dad from being drafted into the Vietnam war and she wanted more mirrors. Narc moms expect the children to love them unconditionally, but the reverse never happens. They have children to reflect their false images. They have children to use, abuse and control them. They don’t see their role as a mother as life’s biggest gift but rather a burden they didn’t expect. They thought they were creating little “mini-me’s.” They didn’t realize that somewhere around age 2, these human beings (not pieces of property) start to develop their own personalities, interests and desires. For the rest of us, that’s the best part of being a mom — watching our children grow into independent, confident, unique individuals.


Special guest - Lisy from the Found Family Podcast.  Her story is incredible.  A heart to heart? Girl, on Found Family Podcast - a community of resilient women - we’re connecting SOUL to SOUL. Here you will find a family outside of your “blood family” who really GETS you. Here you will realize that no matter what it is that you’re going through, you are not alone. Here you will have the chance to LEARN more about yourself, DISCOVER new things, and CONNECT with others who are going through the same things you’re going through. Subscribe and tune in every Wednesday!

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Narcissistic mothers do not have children for the same reasons the rest of us do. They do not look forward to the birth of their child because they can’t wait to see what they look like or what type of personality they will have or who they will become. I was conceived for 2 reasons, to keep my Dad from being drafted into the Vietnam war and she wanted more mirrors. Narc moms expect the children to love them unconditionally, but the reverse never happens. They have children to reflect their false images. They have children to use, abuse and control them. They don’t see their role as a mother as life’s biggest gift but rather a burden they didn’t expect. They thought they were creating little “mini-me’s.” They didn’t realize that somewhere around age 2, these human beings (not pieces of property) start to develop their own personalities, interests and desires. For the rest of us, that’s the best part of being a mom — watching our children grow into independent, confident, unique individuals.


Special guest - Lisy from the Found Family Podcast.  Her story is incredible.  A heart to heart? Girl, on Found Family Podcast - a community of resilient women - we’re connecting SOUL to SOUL. Here you will find a family outside of your “blood family” who really GETS you. Here you will realize that no matter what it is that you’re going through, you are not alone. Here you will have the chance to LEARN more about yourself, DISCOVER new things, and CONNECT with others who are going through the same things you’re going through. Subscribe and tune in every Wednesday!

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2500180 Wed, 15 Jan 2020 15:00:00 -0500 3418 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 2 2 full true TSSH 11 - Goo goo ga ga Goes the mama and dada 🍼 TSSH 11 - Goo goo ga ga Goes the mama and dada 🍼 When kids are forced to act like parents, it affects them for life as they often  grow up to be compulsive caretakers. Emotionally immature parents create a childhood atmosphere of emotional neglect.  In a family run by distant, unpredictable and self-absorbed parents, the most sensitive and perceptive child often takes on the family role of attending to other people's problems and needs.
• I was forced to be my mother’s mother and this blocked my ability to be a child.
• I was very lonely and both afraid and uncomfortable asking for attention.
• I was obligated to take care of others and never myself (codependency)
• This lead to psychological and spiritual exhaustion – living a false life.

Books
The Emotionally Absent Mother
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Childhoods-Plight-Parentified-Child/dp/0876308256 

Tick Tock song based on Long Pauses from Rayne, the album written by Dr. Lenny and Lisa Yves.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> When kids are forced to act like parents, it affects them for life as they often  grow up to be compulsive caretakers. Emotionally immature parents create a childhood atmosphere of emotional neglect.  In a family run by distant, unpredictable and self-absorbed parents, the most sensitive and perceptive child often takes on the family role of attending to other people's problems and needs.
• I was forced to be my mother’s mother and this blocked my ability to be a child.
• I was very lonely and both afraid and uncomfortable asking for attention.
• I was obligated to take care of others and never myself (codependency)
• This lead to psychological and spiritual exhaustion – living a false life.

Books
The Emotionally Absent Mother
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
https://www.amazon.com/Lost-Childhoods-Plight-Parentified-Child/dp/0876308256 

Tick Tock song based on Long Pauses from Rayne, the album written by Dr. Lenny and Lisa Yves.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2441885 Wed, 08 Jan 2020 16:00:00 -0500 2885 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 2 1 full true TSSH 10 - AH-MIG-DAH-LA 🧠 TSSH 10 - AH-MIG-DAH-LA 🧠 The amygdala, an area of the brain that contributes to emotional processing is responsible for the response and memory of emotions, especially fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside our control. It also controls the way we react to the world, or an event that causes an emotion, that we see as threatening or dangerous. The fight-or-flight-or-freeze response. Studies have found that the amygdala is particularly sensitive to stress in early life such as during infancy and early childhood. Experiencing childhood adversity produces long lasting structural and functional changes in the amygdala. As a behavioral result – you easily freak out over everything – which cues your neural system for vigorously consistent and chronic overreactions, which leads to hypersensitivity and overactivity of the amygdala – which is at  the core of anxiety-based disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, PTSD that block positive, rational responses to stress. 

Book - Childhood Disrupted

Book - Emotional Intelligence matters more than IQ

Book - The Body Keeps the Score

Article - How to appreciate yourself


Podcast produced by LW Nolie.  Music and vocals by Lisa Yves.  Podcast content and lyrics by Tami Atman. Taking The Blame song based on Happy for You from Rayne, the album, written by Dr. Lenny and Lisa Yves

WE ARE NOT LICENSED THERAPISTS OR LIFE COACHES. We are certified in getting unfucked up...one baby step at a time.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The amygdala, an area of the brain that contributes to emotional processing is responsible for the response and memory of emotions, especially fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside our control. It also controls the way we react to the world, or an event that causes an emotion, that we see as threatening or dangerous. The fight-or-flight-or-freeze response. Studies have found that the amygdala is particularly sensitive to stress in early life such as during infancy and early childhood. Experiencing childhood adversity produces long lasting structural and functional changes in the amygdala. As a behavioral result – you easily freak out over everything – which cues your neural system for vigorously consistent and chronic overreactions, which leads to hypersensitivity and overactivity of the amygdala – which is at  the core of anxiety-based disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, PTSD that block positive, rational responses to stress. 

Book - Childhood Disrupted

Book - Emotional Intelligence matters more than IQ

Book - The Body Keeps the Score

Article - How to appreciate yourself


Podcast produced by LW Nolie.  Music and vocals by Lisa Yves.  Podcast content and lyrics by Tami Atman. Taking The Blame song based on Happy for You from Rayne, the album, written by Dr. Lenny and Lisa Yves

WE ARE NOT LICENSED THERAPISTS OR LIFE COACHES. We are certified in getting unfucked up...one baby step at a time.

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2376881 Mon, 30 Dec 2019 14:00:00 -0500 2548 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 1 10 full true TSSH 9 - EnCRUSHment 🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗 TSSH 9 - EnCRUSHment 🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗😘🤗 Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries such that roles and expectations are confused, parents are overly and inappropriately reliant on their children for support, and children are not allowed to become emotionally independent or separate from their parents. Family members are emotionally fused together in an unhealthy way.  Enmeshment is a dysfunctional family dynamic that is passed through the generations. We tend to recreate the family dynamics that we grew up with because they’re familiar. Because it’s usually a generational pattern, you may not be able to pinpoint the origins of enmeshment in your family. It’s more important to identify ways that enmeshment is causing difficulties for you and work to change those dynamics in your relationships.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/emotional-incest-when-is-close-too-close/

http://www.patlove.com/

We are fun NON-therapists and we use music, humor and our stories to discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.  Podcast produced by LW Nolie. Content created by Tami Atman

"It’s Too Easy” is a parody based on the protest song “Just One Skin” by Swanson and Yves

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries such that roles and expectations are confused, parents are overly and inappropriately reliant on their children for support, and children are not allowed to become emotionally independent or separate from their parents. Family members are emotionally fused together in an unhealthy way.  Enmeshment is a dysfunctional family dynamic that is passed through the generations. We tend to recreate the family dynamics that we grew up with because they’re familiar. Because it’s usually a generational pattern, you may not be able to pinpoint the origins of enmeshment in your family. It’s more important to identify ways that enmeshment is causing difficulties for you and work to change those dynamics in your relationships.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/emotional-incest-when-is-close-too-close/

http://www.patlove.com/

We are fun NON-therapists and we use music, humor and our stories to discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.  Podcast produced by LW Nolie. Content created by Tami Atman

"It’s Too Easy” is a parody based on the protest song “Just One Skin” by Swanson and Yves

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2251130 Mon, 09 Dec 2019 14:00:00 -0500 2912 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 1 9 full true TSSH 8 - Merry Hell-iday. Please Pass The Fault 🎅🏻(Featured Guest: Rita Roberts) TSSH 8 - Merry Hell-iday. Please Pass The Fault 🎅🏻(Featured Guest: Rita Roberts) The healing journey is not linear and not easy but worth it. https://www.lonerwolf.com/

Guest: Life coach and author, Rita Roberts, an Intuitive Energy Healer, Spiritual Life Coach, Speaker, Parent Educator and Author of the book, “Parents with Price Tags – heal yourself of family dysfunction and learn to love your children unconditionally.” Rita shares her sorry and excellent tips for navigating the holidays with toxic families.
https://reikirita.com/ and http://thefunctionalfamily.ca/

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> The healing journey is not linear and not easy but worth it. https://www.lonerwolf.com/

Guest: Life coach and author, Rita Roberts, an Intuitive Energy Healer, Spiritual Life Coach, Speaker, Parent Educator and Author of the book, “Parents with Price Tags – heal yourself of family dysfunction and learn to love your children unconditionally.” Rita shares her sorry and excellent tips for navigating the holidays with toxic families.
https://reikirita.com/ and http://thefunctionalfamily.ca/

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2221340 Wed, 04 Dec 2019 14:00:00 -0500 3120 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 1 8 full true TSSH 7 - Manipuhaters 😡 TSSH 7 - Manipuhaters 😡 Manipulation - Tiny repeated micro-aggressions that are designed to make you feel small in order to give your parents more power.  It can be very painful and damaging to just feel that you’re always wrong.  As childhood victims of toxic parental manipulation, we end up responding to daily life situations (as adults)  with self-doubt, self-blame, and a chronic sense of  always being wrong. Awareness and healing provide us with an opportunity to break that cycle.   As we face our shame for being manipulated all the time and feelings of abandonment, we begin to realize that our self-image is not actually based on objective reality. We start to see more emotionally mature view of what’s happening and approach life with more clarity and as balance. 

https://www.myhorridparent.com/
http://www.controllingparents.com/stylesof.htm

Podcast content and song lyrics by Tami Atman.  Podcast produced by LW Nolie and music/vocals by Lisa Yves.

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Manipulation - Tiny repeated micro-aggressions that are designed to make you feel small in order to give your parents more power.  It can be very painful and damaging to just feel that you’re always wrong.  As childhood victims of toxic parental manipulation, we end up responding to daily life situations (as adults)  with self-doubt, self-blame, and a chronic sense of  always being wrong. Awareness and healing provide us with an opportunity to break that cycle.   As we face our shame for being manipulated all the time and feelings of abandonment, we begin to realize that our self-image is not actually based on objective reality. We start to see more emotionally mature view of what’s happening and approach life with more clarity and as balance. 

https://www.myhorridparent.com/
http://www.controllingparents.com/stylesof.htm

Podcast content and song lyrics by Tami Atman.  Podcast produced by LW Nolie and music/vocals by Lisa Yves.

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2173850 Tue, 26 Nov 2019 14:00:00 -0500 2490 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 1 7 full true TSSH 6 - Generally Stonewalling Jackasses 👎 TSSH 6 - Generally Stonewalling Jackasses 👎 Podcast content and song lyrics by Tami Atman. Podcast production by LW Nolie. Music and vocals by Lisa Yves.

Stonewalling is a term that was developed by psychologist Dr John Gottman, who specializes in relationship research and therapy.  Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation or discussion and refuses to acknowledge you or your efforts to discuss anything, ignores your requests, responds with dismissive, invalidating replies or gives infuriatingly vague responses.  Mothers who are controlling, combative, dismissive, or high in narcissistic traits may use stonewalling as a way of marginalizing, ignoring and dismissing a child. The message communicated is that the child is unimportant or irrelevant, and that her feelings and thoughts don’t matter to anyone and that they are crazy for having emotions. These confusing and frustrating messages become internalized and carried over into adulthood as a well-entrenched belief system about the self. The abuse we grow up with is hard to recognize because we’ve unconsciously normalized it.  Visit https://www.gottman.com/ for more valuable information. 

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Podcast content and song lyrics by Tami Atman. Podcast production by LW Nolie. Music and vocals by Lisa Yves.

Stonewalling is a term that was developed by psychologist Dr John Gottman, who specializes in relationship research and therapy.  Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation or discussion and refuses to acknowledge you or your efforts to discuss anything, ignores your requests, responds with dismissive, invalidating replies or gives infuriatingly vague responses.  Mothers who are controlling, combative, dismissive, or high in narcissistic traits may use stonewalling as a way of marginalizing, ignoring and dismissing a child. The message communicated is that the child is unimportant or irrelevant, and that her feelings and thoughts don’t matter to anyone and that they are crazy for having emotions. These confusing and frustrating messages become internalized and carried over into adulthood as a well-entrenched belief system about the self. The abuse we grow up with is hard to recognize because we’ve unconsciously normalized it.  Visit https://www.gottman.com/ for more valuable information. 

We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2131469 Wed, 20 Nov 2019 15:00:00 -0500 2537 Relationships, psychology, anxiety, depression, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, dysfunction, mother wound, mother wounded, abandonment, mental health, healing, recovery, parenting, childhood, empathy, self improvement 1 6 full true TSSH 5 - Don't Do The Hustle 🕺🏻 TSSH 5 - Don't Do The Hustle 🕺🏻 As a human doing I could not be both successful and happy.  No matter what degree of success I had, accomplishments brought me very little satisfaction and joy.  I was constantly judging myself on how I performed in important activities and also on the most mundane tasks.  As a human doing I was vigorously addicted to crossing that finish line and checking off the box...what I call the constant HUSTLE.  I learned in my research that when you base self-esteem on what you do rather than who you are – you end up in a desperate and impossible position. Failure is a normal and inevitable part of life but for me, failure was unacceptable and a source of unimaginable pain. Human doings see failure as an attack on their self-esteem, they feel worthless and undeserving of love. My primary motivation in life was self-protection, avoiding failure and proving I was not worthless. It took me years to understand that being a human being is understanding that no one is perfect, and that failure is a necessary and inevitable part of life. Once I had this healthier perspective, failure lost its its power to leave a scar my soul and I became a human BEing.  I am on a path of self discovery and  now pursue goals and achievements from a position of strength rather than weakness. A toxic childhood will often cause us to operate out of fear as adults and force us to live inauthentic lives.  I navigated a treacherous emotional path of depression and anxiety for years, never realizing I had a choice and also the ability to fix it. It takes a lot of soul-searching and great courage to trust the organic process of life and not try to control the outcome of everything - Tami Atman

Helpful resources
https://drjonicewebb.com/
https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

Podcast produced by LW Nolie.  Content created by Tami Atman
We are not licensed therapists and we are not Life Coaches
We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> As a human doing I could not be both successful and happy.  No matter what degree of success I had, accomplishments brought me very little satisfaction and joy.  I was constantly judging myself on how I performed in important activities and also on the most mundane tasks.  As a human doing I was vigorously addicted to crossing that finish line and checking off the box...what I call the constant HUSTLE.  I learned in my research that when you base self-esteem on what you do rather than who you are – you end up in a desperate and impossible position. Failure is a normal and inevitable part of life but for me, failure was unacceptable and a source of unimaginable pain. Human doings see failure as an attack on their self-esteem, they feel worthless and undeserving of love. My primary motivation in life was self-protection, avoiding failure and proving I was not worthless. It took me years to understand that being a human being is understanding that no one is perfect, and that failure is a necessary and inevitable part of life. Once I had this healthier perspective, failure lost its its power to leave a scar my soul and I became a human BEing.  I am on a path of self discovery and  now pursue goals and achievements from a position of strength rather than weakness. A toxic childhood will often cause us to operate out of fear as adults and force us to live inauthentic lives.  I navigated a treacherous emotional path of depression and anxiety for years, never realizing I had a choice and also the ability to fix it. It takes a lot of soul-searching and great courage to trust the organic process of life and not try to control the outcome of everything - Tami Atman

Helpful resources
https://drjonicewebb.com/
https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

Podcast produced by LW Nolie.  Content created by Tami Atman
We are not licensed therapists and we are not Life Coaches
We are fun NON-therapists and we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2080845 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 12:00:00 -0500 2604 #mentalhealth, #mentalhealthawareness, #anxiety, #depression, #selfcare, #love, #selflove, #health, #mentalillness, #therapy, #recovery, #motivation, #wellness, #mindfulness, #healing, #ptsd, #mentalhealthmatters, #fitness, #wellbeing, #loveyours 1 5 full true TSSH 4 - Trigger Crappy and Toxic Shame 🤮 TSSH 4 - Trigger Crappy and Toxic Shame 🤮 Your emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fears—they are not reality. You don’t want to be frequently triggered. It is exhausting and painful, especially for highly sensitive and empathic people.  I used to have a very short fuse – which usually reflects a problem with your emotional triggers.  Emotional triggers can be anything - people, words, opinions, situations that suddenly provoke an intense, uncontrollable emotional reaction within us.  Childhood neglect can cause toxic shame is a form of abuse and trauma.  It develops because your parents shamed, criticized and delivered passive punishment. I internalized those hurtful and untrue words and marginalizing behaviors, such as the silent treatment, and it became my understanding of who I was as a person and caused me to suffer from chronic anxiety and low self-esteem. Some people cope with toxic shame by hurting or not taking care of themselves – codependent – me, while some hurt other people and become highly antisocial and narcissistic.

Helpful resources

https://drjonicewebb.com/
https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/

We are not licensed therapists or life coaches. Real and raw chat about discovering self love while using bad words.  Hoping the concept of healing from emotional abuse goes viral. We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Your emotional triggers are wounds that need to heal. These beliefs are based on fears—they are not reality. You don’t want to be frequently triggered. It is exhausting and painful, especially for highly sensitive and empathic people.  I used to have a very short fuse – which usually reflects a problem with your emotional triggers.  Emotional triggers can be anything - people, words, opinions, situations that suddenly provoke an intense, uncontrollable emotional reaction within us.  Childhood neglect can cause toxic shame is a form of abuse and trauma.  It develops because your parents shamed, criticized and delivered passive punishment. I internalized those hurtful and untrue words and marginalizing behaviors, such as the silent treatment, and it became my understanding of who I was as a person and caused me to suffer from chronic anxiety and low self-esteem. Some people cope with toxic shame by hurting or not taking care of themselves – codependent – me, while some hurt other people and become highly antisocial and narcissistic.

Helpful resources

https://drjonicewebb.com/
https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/

We are not licensed therapists or life coaches. Real and raw chat about discovering self love while using bad words.  Hoping the concept of healing from emotional abuse goes viral. We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing.  

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-2008770 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 14:00:00 -0500 2649 Compassion, parents, healing journey, codependent, empath, psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, wellness 1 4 full true TSSH 3 - Baby I Grieve Your Lovin' 🎵 TSSH 3 - Baby I Grieve Your Lovin' 🎵 Lyrics by Tami Atman.  Music by the band Heiro.  Podast produced by LW Nolie.

Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life.

The four child/adult attachment styles are: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious and Disorganized.  Resources to check out

Still Face Experiment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0

Peter Lovenheim's book
https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Effect-Exploring-Powerful-Relationships/dp/0143132423

Take the attachment test
https://yourpersonality.net/attachment/

We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.   

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Lyrics by Tami Atman.  Music by the band Heiro.  Podast produced by LW Nolie.

Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life.

The four child/adult attachment styles are: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious and Disorganized.  Resources to check out

Still Face Experiment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0

Peter Lovenheim's book
https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Effect-Exploring-Powerful-Relationships/dp/0143132423

Take the attachment test
https://yourpersonality.net/attachment/

We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.   

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-1961356 Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:00:00 -0400 2426 psychology, mental health, depression, anxiety, wellness, parenting, recovery, healing, hope, ptsd, health cptsd, 1 3 full true TSSH 2 - Don't Drink Poison Just Cuz' You're Thirsty🙅‍♂️ TSSH 2 - Don't Drink Poison Just Cuz' You're Thirsty🙅‍♂️ moving FORWARD. Pun intended. This episode is dedicated to Susan Forward, best selling author of “Toxic Parents”. This book was life changing for me and a wonderful resource for me to draw from on my healing journey. I hope you will consider buying her book after listening.  

Link to buy Susan Forward's best-seller 
https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
\

We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> moving FORWARD. Pun intended. This episode is dedicated to Susan Forward, best selling author of “Toxic Parents”. This book was life changing for me and a wonderful resource for me to draw from on my healing journey. I hope you will consider buying her book after listening.  

Link to buy Susan Forward's best-seller 
https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
\

We are fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words. 

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Tami R Atman, LW Nolie Buzzsprout-1921160 Wed, 23 Oct 2019 14:00:00 -0400 2280 narcissism, no contact, low contact, verbalabuse, Psychology, self help, self discovery, healing, trauma, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, therapy, parenting, toxic parents, anxiety, depression, mother wound, mother wounded, sociopath, scapegoat, 1 2 full true TSSH 1 - We Won't Treat You Like Family 🤯 TSSH 1 - We Won't Treat You Like Family 🤯 Join fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.   Content created by author, Tami Atman. Podcast produced by LW Nolie

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> Join fun NON-therapists as we discuss not-so-fun toxic families and multi-generational dysfunction.  We are ordinary people sharing a healing journey in hopes to inspire other ordinary people to laugh as well as find their own path to healing. We are not life coaches. We are not licensed therapists.  We want to the be the voice of the unheard and take the subject of toxic families more seriously than we take ourselves...and we use bad words.   Content created by author, Tami Atman. Podcast produced by LW Nolie

https://www.instagram.com/2traumaqueens/

]]> http://www.thestuckstopshere.com Tami R. Atman / LW Nolie Buzzsprout-1879982 Wed, 16 Oct 2019 15:00:00 -0400 2201 Self love, codependency, personality disorders, mental health, Pyschology, humor, self-help, codependency, narcissism, therapy, healing, emotional intelligence, verbal abuse, laughter, awareness, conscious, parenting 1 1 full true