Sun, 11 Oct 2026 08:00:00 -0400 https://www.buzzsprout.com/2654004 en-us © 2026 And All the Animals yes 85ddbf82-71c2-5083-aee0-1ef4adc672f4 Useful Monsters serial false And All the Animals is a walk through the whole Bible — start to finish, in order, one story at a time.

There are two voices. A narrator tells the story. A raven supplies the facts: what a cubit works out to, how big Nineveh actually was, which museum the tablet is sitting in. The raven was, by its own account, present for some of this, and has not entirely gotten over how that turned out.

The stories are told straight, which means the people in them come off exactly as badly as the text says they do. Jacob is a con man. Noah gets off the boat and plants a vineyard. The prophet in episode one would rather die than watch his enemies be forgiven. The Bible's own narrator is unsparing about all of it — we just say it out loud.

Where a passage has been read two ways for a thousand years, we say so, lay both out as well as we can, and leave it with you. Where the archaeology is contested, you get the dates, the findspots, and an honest shrug. Episodes end on a question rather than a moral.

Written for about ten and up, and for whoever else is in the car. Every episode opens with a plain note about what's in it, and when something is hard, we say so before we get there.

]]> Buzzsprout (https://www.buzzsprout.com) Useful Monsters https://storage.buzzsprout.com/yur903csqhqeuthdljgsrsqmm8em?.jpg https://www.buzzsprout.com/2654004 Joseph Part 2 The reunion, and a sentence about intent that the rest of the Bible keeps reaching back for.

]]> The reunion, and a sentence about intent that the rest of the Bible keeps reaching back for.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19941175 Sun, 11 Oct 2026 07:00:00 -0500 678 1 13 full false Joseph Part 1 A teenager with a dream problem and ten brothers who have had enough.

]]> A teenager with a dream problem and ten brothers who have had enough.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19939573 Sat, 10 Oct 2026 09:00:00 -0500 560 1 12 full false The Man at the River Jacob wrestles someone all night. The text refuses to say clearly who. He leaves with a limp and a new name.

]]> Jacob wrestles someone all night. The text refuses to say clearly who. He leaves with a limp and a new name.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19937680 Fri, 09 Oct 2026 17:00:00 -0500 503 1 11 full false Jacob Gets Away With It The protagonist is a con man. The text declines to condemn him and lets you sit with that.

]]> The protagonist is a con man. The text declines to condemn him and lets you sit with that.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19932923 Thu, 08 Oct 2026 19:00:00 -0500 503 1 10 full false The Binding The hardest passage in Genesis. Heavy content hint; the readings diverge enormously and the episode says so.

]]> The hardest passage in Genesis. Heavy content hint; the readings diverge enormously and the episode says so.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19928154 Wed, 07 Oct 2026 20:00:00 -0500 595 1 9 full false Haggling Over Sodom Abraham talks God down from fifty righteous people to ten, out loud, and wins every round.

]]> Abraham talks God down from fifty righteous people to ten, out loud, and wins every round.

]]> Buzzsprout-19920612 Tue, 06 Oct 2026 14:00:00 -0500 418 1 8 full false Abraham Leaves Told to go, without being told where. Then lies about his wife to a king — and does it again four chapters later.

]]> Told to go, without being told where. Then lies about his wife to a king — and does it again four chapters later.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19915029 Mon, 05 Oct 2026 16:00:00 -0500 526 1 7 full false Babel Verse 4: "lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth." Verse 8: "so the LORD dispersed them." Their stated fear returned in their own sentence — and God has to come down to see it.

]]> Verse 4: "lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth." Verse 8: "so the LORD dispersed them." Their stated fear returned in their own sentence — and God has to come down to see it.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19908061 Sun, 04 Oct 2026 13:00:00 -0500 394 1 6 full false The Bird Nobody Thanks - The Flood Part 2 The other flood stories, George Smith, and where the four accounts stop agreeing.

]]> The other flood stories, George Smith, and where the four accounts stop agreeing.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19904996 Sat, 03 Oct 2026 15:00:00 -0500 930 1 5 full false The Bird Nobody Thanks - The Flood Part 1 The flood as Genesis tells it. Noah doesn't speak for three chapters, and the promise at the end isn't made to him.

]]> The flood as Genesis tells it. Noah doesn't speak for three chapters, and the promise at the end isn't made to him.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19896654 Thu, 01 Oct 2026 15:00:00 -0500 844 1 4 full false Seven and Seventy-Seven - Cain Cain. A murderer is warned first, protected after, and founds the first city. Five generations later his descendant boasts about killing for an injury. The chapter is measuring a rate of change.

]]> Cain. A murderer is warned first, protected after, and founds the first city. Five generations later his descendant boasts about killing for an injury. The chapter is measuring a rate of change.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19891422 Wed, 30 Sep 2026 18:00:00 -0500 649 1 3 full false Nobody Says I Did It - Eden Eden. The serpent misquotes the rule, the woman misquotes it back, the man blames two people in seven words — and the only prediction in the chapter that comes true belongs to the snake.

]]> Eden. The serpent misquotes the rule, the woman misquotes it back, the man blames two people in seven words — and the only prediction in the chapter that comes true belongs to the snake.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19884237 Tue, 29 Sep 2026 16:00:00 -0500 554 1 2 full false What it Won't Say - Creation Creation. A poem with joinery: days one to three build containers, days four to six fill them. Three places the text declines to name what it obviously could — and it reads as an answer to an older Mesopotamian story, which sets up episodes 4 and 5.

]]> Creation. A poem with joinery: days one to three build containers, days four to six fill them. Three places the text declines to name what it obviously could — and it reads as an answer to an older Mesopotamian story, which sets up episodes 4 and 5.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19875962 Mon, 28 Sep 2026 11:00:00 -0500 768 1 1 full false Jonah Books a Cruise (Pilot) God appoints a fish, a plant, a worm and a wind. All four obey instantly. The only one who doesn't is the prophet.

]]> God appoints a fish, a plant, a worm and a wind. All four obey instantly. The only one who doesn't is the prophet.

]]> Useful Monsters Buzzsprout-19875779 Mon, 28 Sep 2026 11:00:00 -0500 990 1 bonus false