In this episode of Understanding the ADHD Child, I explore the difference between accommodating something a child genuinely cannot yet manage and supporting them to gradually develop the skills and understanding they may need.

I talk about boundaries, saying no, uncomfortable feelings, and why supporting development doesn’t mean forcing a child through something they cannot cope with.

Sometimes children need us to accommodate. Sometimes they need us to scaffold. And sometimes they need safe opportunities to practise something that is still developing.

The question isn’t simply “Should I accommodate this?” but “What does my child need from me at this stage of their development?”

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In this episode of Understanding the ADHD Child, I explore the origins of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), beginning with Elizabeth Newson's early clinical observations, and ask what that research established — and importantly, what it didn't.

I look at demand avoidance through a developmental lens, including ADHD development before school age, attention, action selection, motivation and reward, sensory processing, emotional responses, agency and the child's developing sense of self.

We also explore some important questions:

•  Does reducing a demand tell us why that demand caused distress? 
•  Can the same behaviour come from different underlying mechanisms? 
•  Could experience and environment interact with neurodevelopment over time? 
•  How do we support autonomy without teaching a child that they must always remain in control? 
•  And instead of only asking “What does this child have?”, should we sometimes be asking “How did this behaviour develop?”

This isn't an episode about dismissing PDA or the very real distress experienced by children and families. It's about being curious about what may sit underneath behaviour — and whether understanding a child's individual developmental pathway could help us support them earlier and more effectively.

Understanding the ADHD Child – Podcast #5
Exploring ADHD through development, one question at a time.

 #ADHD #PDA #PathologicalDemandAvoidance #ADHDChildren #ADHDParenting #NeurodivergentChildren #ChildDevelopment #EarlyYearsADHD #DemandAvoidance #ADHDDevelopment #Neurodevelopment #UnderstandingADHD 

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But does removing the threat teach a child to feel safe — or does it simply provide relief?

In this episode of Understanding the ADHD Child, I explore the difference between threat reduction, relief and safety learning, and what this may mean for young children with ADHD.

We look at:

• what may be happening when a child's body responds to something as threatening
• why removing the trigger can bring immediate relief
• the difference between relief and learning safety
• what extinction learning means and why the original fear memory isn't simply erased
• how supported, manageable experiences can give a child opportunities for new learning
• the role parents and caregivers can play in building everyday experiences of safety and predictability
• why supporting a child through discomfort is very different from forcing them through overwhelm

Safety isn't only something we provide once a child's threat response has already fired. Small, repeated experiences of connection, predictability and caregiver availability can also become part of a child's developmental history of safety.

🎙️ Understanding the ADHD Child
Exploring ADHD through development, one question at a time.

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Why do children need to learn about feelings?

Many parents naturally tell their children how they think they feel. But learning emotions is much more than knowing the words.

In this episode, I explore why emotional awareness develops gradually, why children with ADHD can find emotions so intense, and why helping children recognise their own body signals is one of the first building blocks of emotional development.

We'll look at:

• Why experiencing a feeling is different from understanding it.
 • Why emotional awareness develops from the foundations upwards.
 • How body signals help children recognise emotions.
 • Why naming feelings too early can sometimes create confusion.
 • How early emotional awareness supports later executive functioning skills.
 • Practical ways parents can begin supporting emotional development.

This episode takes a developmental approach to helping children understand themselves, building confidence, self-awareness and emotional understanding one step at a time.

🎙️ Understanding the ADHD Child
Exploring ADHD through development, one question at a time.

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In this episode of Understanding the ADHD Child, I explore why everyday situations can sometimes feel overwhelming for children with ADHD.

Rather than seeing these reactions as "bad behaviour," we'll look at what may be happening inside the developing brain and why emotions, attention and the nervous system can all play a part.

We'll explore:

• why small events can lead to big reactions
 • how the developing brain influences emotional responses
 • why overwhelm is different from simply being upset
 • how understanding your child's experience can change the way you respond

This episode is designed for parents, carers and early years educators who want to understand what's happening beneath the behaviour and support children with greater confidence and compassion.

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Is ADHD a disease? Will my child always have it? These are two of the questions parents ask most often.

In this first episode, I explore what ADHD really is, why it is described as a neurodevelopmental condition rather than a disease, and what this means for children as they grow and develop.

We also discuss:

•  Why ADHD is lifelong, but not fixed. 
•  How the brain continues to develop throughout childhood. 
•  The role of the prefrontal cortex and executive functioning. 
•  Why early understanding and support can make such a difference. 
•  How children can build on their strengths while learning strategies to manage challenges. 

My aim is to help parents understand why children with ADHD think, feel and behave the way they do, so we can support them with greater confidence, compassion and knowledge.

Thank you for listening. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe so you don't miss future episodes exploring ADHD through development, one question at a time.

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