In marriage, friendships, and even our closest family relationships, it's easy to become so focused on proving our point that we forget the person standing across from us is someone we're called to love.

But what if winning the argument is actually costing us an opportunity to reflect Jesus?

In this episode of It's Deeper Than That, we're exploring how pride, humility, and biblical love shape the way we navigate conflict. Through Scripture, we'll unpack the difference between speaking truth in love verses using truth as a weapon, why biblical knowledge doesn't always equal spiritual maturity, and how even our disagreements can become opportunities for spiritual growth.

Drawing from 1 Corinthians 13, James 4, and Philippians 2, we'll examine what it means to extend patience, kindness, and grace to the people closest to us - especially when we feel misunderstood, frustrated, or absolutely certain that we're right.

Because the goal of a Christ-centered marriage isn't to determine who wins every disagreement. It's to cultivate a relationship where both people are learning to love more like Jesus.

Sometimes the greatest victory isn't hearing, "You were right." It's knowing that even in disagreement, you chose love.

Let's look a little deeper. 🤍

Why does change feel so uncomfortable - even when the change is good?

In the final episode of the Psych Series, Ashley explores the psychology behind why our brains crave familiarity, why transitions can leave us feeling unsettled, and how changes in our circumstances can challenge our sense of identity.

But change and growth aren’t the same thing.

Change happens to us; growth is what we allow God to produce through it.

Through psychology, the Bible, and Ashley’s own journey from her military career to become a stay-at-home mom, this episode explores how changing seasons can become catalysts for internal and spiritual transformation.

Abraham stepped into the unknown, the pruning of John 15, and the reminder that there is “a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,” - we see again and again that God often does some of His deepest work in seasons of transition.

You don’t have to hate the old season to embrace the new one. You can grieve what was, thank God for what it gave you, and still trust Him with what comes next.

Because while seasons change, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. - Hebrews 13:8

Research for this Episode:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36965452/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9298910/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2204951/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1239500/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29331446/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41620241/

Discernment is a word we use often in Christian circles - but what does it actually mean to be discerning?

In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between biblical discernment and simply having a “bad feeling.” We’ll unpack how fear, anxiety, past experiences, and even our own biases can influence what we perceive - and why Scripture calls us to test what we believe we’re hearing from God.

Discernment isn’t about becoming suspicious of everyone around us. It’s about becoming so familiar with the heart, character, and Word of God that we learn to recognize what aligns with Him, and what doesn’t.

Feelings are information, but they aren’t always revelation. 🤍

What happens to us when we walk through something that changes everything?

In episode 4 of the Psych Series, we’re looking at the psychology of pain and suffering (post-traumatic growth, meaning-making, emotional processing, and resilience) and the incredible ways these concepts intersect with Scripture.

We’ll talk about why healing doesn’t require pretending something didn’t hurt, why growth and grief can exist at the same time, and the difference between toxic positivity and true biblical hope. I’m also sharing part of my own story of loss, trauma, and the unexpected ways God has brought purpose from a season I never would have chosen.

Suffering can change us. But pain doesn’t get the final word. 

Viktor Frankl's Book: 

https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/0807014273/

References for this episode:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8827649/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9731325/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10594833/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20192563/

Why do we care so much about what other people think of us? In this episode of the Psych Series, we’re digging into the psychology behind our need for approval, why rejection can actually hurt, and how people pleasing can quietly become a search for security. We’ll look at what psychology says about our need to belong and what Scripture says about the fear of man, identity, and finding our security in Jesus.

Because maybe the goal isn’t to stop caring what people think - it’s learning whose opinion gets to define us.

References for this Episode:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7777651/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19025224/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14551436/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7777651/

What if the problem isn’t that you feel angry, jealous, unmotivated, or afraid - but that you’ve been letting those feelings lead you? In this Psych Series episode, we’re digging into the psychology of self-control, habits, emotional regulation, and why suppressing your feelings isn’t the same as being ruled by them - and then looking at what Scripture means when it tells us to “walk by the Spirit.” Your feelings are real, but they don’t have to be in charge. You can feel it without obeying it.

References for this Episode:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38615492/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4731333/?

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.674?

https://www.psychologicalscience.org/journals/perspectives/1745691619898795/?

Why can someone else’s blessing sometimes feel like evidence that we’re missing out? In the first episode of our Psych Series, we’re digging into the psychology and biblical roots of envy, comparison, and insecurity - and learning how to celebrate what God is doing in another woman’s life without questioning what He’s doing in our own. Her blessing isn’t your loss, her calling isn’t your competition, and her story was never meant to be the measuring stick for yours.

Research Article Links:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/org/science/article/abs/pii/S1066224318000904?

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9955439/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32339106/

https://www.nielsvandeven.nl/publications/23390-appraisal-patterns-of-envy-and-related-emotions?

What if the words you repeat to yourself each day are shaping more than you realize? In this special 10th episode, I’m sharing my personal mindset journaling practice and how I use Scripture, identity statements, and intentional reflection to align my thoughts with who I am in Christ, who I want to be as a wife and mother, and the life God has called me to live.

Research Articles for this Episode:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25133846/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21984641/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32248237/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4814782/

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-psychologists-and-counsellors-in-schools/article/abs/impact-of-attributional-feedback-on-the-selfconcept-of-children-aged-four-to-six-years-in-preschool/1091AF279F4B4A3C669DB83AB59A6CDA?

What if the “big thing” you’re waiting for God to do with your life is already happening? In this episode, we’re looking at purpose, calling, and the sacred work hidden inside ordinary seasons - and why the quiet, unseen places may be exactly where God is growing your deepest roots.

Why does something as simple as inviting someone to church feel so intimidating? In this episode, we’re looking beneath the awkwardness to uncover what may really be holding us back - and how sharing Jesus can be as simple as loving someone, extending an invitation, and trusting God with what happens next.

What if some of the things competing for your heart don’t look like idols at all? In this episode, we’re taking an honest look at the subtle idols of productivity, control, approval, comfort, and even being needed - and asking what might be occupying a place in our hearts that was always meant to belong to Jesus.

What if the season you’re trying to escape is actually the one preparing you for what’s next? In this episode, we’re talking about pruning, wilderness seasons, and the quiet ways God prepares our hearts for His calling - reminding us that closed doors and seasons of waiting may not mean He’s forgotten us, but that He’s doing deeper work before we can see the fruit.

Have you ever felt unseen in the ordinary, repetitive work of everyday life? In this episode, we’re talking about El Roi (the God who sees!) and how the hidden work of motherhood, serving our families, and simply showing up faithfully can become an act of worship when we remember who we’re ultimately doing it for.

What if the ordinary work of motherhood carries more spiritual weight than we realize? In this episode, we’re talking about motherhood as spiritual warfare: recognizing the lies meant to discourage us, learning the difference between conviction and condemnation, and remembering that every prayer, apology, act of patience, and conversation about Jesus is planting seeds that can impact generations.

What if the seasons that hurt us the most can also become the places where our faith grows the deepest? In this episode, I’m sharing how suffering stripped away my illusion of control, taught me to depend on Jesus in an entirely new way, and showed me that even when God doesn’t remove the fire, He is still present and working within it.

What if saying no doesn’t make you less loving, but actually helps you stay faithful to what God has called you to? In this episode, we’re looking at the boundaries Jesus modeled, why obedience matters more than people-pleasing, and how healthy boundaries can help us protect our peace, surrender what we can’t control, and love others without carrying burdens that were never ours to hold.

Welcome to It’s Deeper Than That - a podcast where faith, motherhood, psychology, and everyday life meet the questions we don’t always say out loud. In this introductory episode, I’m sharing a little about who I am, why I started this podcast, and what you can expect as we look beneath the surface together and explore the deeper heart behind the things we experience. Hosted by Ashley Bernardy.