What do you do when the trial comes back... again?

This week I'm sitting down with Holly Maltby, who has walked through cancer not once, not twice, but FOUR times since 2019. And just when she thought the hardest part was behind her, a three year battle with anxiety showed up next. Holly gets honest about the panic attacks, the nights she didn't want to be on this earth anymore, and the moment a wrong word in the ER landed her somewhere she never expected to be.

But this conversation is not about the mess winning. It's about a woman who kept leaning in when she had every reason to pull away. Holly shares the verses she carried in her work pocket like lifelines, the gratitude practice that rewired her anxious brain, and how a prayer team became the hands and feet of Jesus when she couldn't stand on her own.

And then God did something only He could do. After a lifetime of singleness, after obediently walking away from a relationship in her 40s, Holly is getting married this October. To my father-in-law. Yes, you read that right, and yes, I take a little credit 😂 God's in the details, friends.

In this episode we talk about:

• Walking through cancer four times and what it does to your faith
• Anxiety, panic attacks, and the raw stuff we don't say on Sundays
• Gratitude as a weapon, because your brain can't hold anxiety and thankfulness at the same time
• Lifelong singleness, obedience, and a love story only God could write

Key verses: Philippians 4:6-7, 2 Timothy 1:7, Deuteronomy 31:8, Isaiah 41:10, and Holly's favorite, Proverbs 3:5-6

Don't lose your hope. God is always with you, even when you can't feel Him.

The matching devotional with reflection questions is waiting for you over on Substack, and you can find that, the merch shop, and everything else at linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod

You're not alone here. I'm so glad you're here. 🙏

Michelle sits down with Nathanial Souder for one of the most raw and redemptive conversations the show has ever held. From a lonely childhood with no one to turn to, to a blood oath with an outlaw motorcycle club, to being kidnapped, tortured, and escaping with his life, Nathanial's story is not a quiet one.

And it didn't stop there. A rare brain condition that no surgeon in Michigan would touch. A 50/50 chance of dying on the table at Mayo Clinic. A motorcycle accident one year to the day of that surgery. Three times God said not yet, and Nathanial wasn't even sure he believed in Him yet.

What Nathanial was looking for his whole life was belonging. He found a version of it in the wrong place, and it nearly cost him everything. But underneath all of it was a man who decided at eight years old he would not repeat what he had seen, a man who carried more shame than he knew what to do with, and a man whose daughters eventually asked him to come to church with them.

He came. And something shifted.

This episode sits with the hard stuff, the counterfeit versions of brotherhood, the things we do that we still carry, the generational patterns we swear we will break and then have to actually fight to break. And it lands on a God who sweeps it all away like a cloud. Nathanial's own words say it best: his past doesn't define him. It refines him.

If you have ever wondered whether you are too far gone for God to reach, this episode is your answer.

KEY VERSES

Isaiah 44:22 — "I have swept away your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

Isaiah 43:1-2 — "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine."

Galatians 2:20 — "It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me."

Psalm 107:2 — "Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out. Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies."

"My past doesn't define me. But my past refines me. And I feel redeemed." Nathanial Souder

There is a companion devotional for this episode over on Substack, and new merch is available now in the shop. Both are linked in the link tree at linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod. Come find us on socials at @amessyamenpod and we will see you next time.

This week I'm sitting down with Savannah Mackie, and I have to be honest, when I first thought about having her on, she was one of those people I might have just assumed had it all together. Varsity volleyball, competitive dancer, president of multiple clubs, everybody's friend. You know the type. But what Savannah shares in this episode is a reminder that the highlight reel never tells the whole story.

Behind all of it, she was dealing with a relationship that turned abusive, carrying things she didn't know how to say out loud, and spiraling into some of the darkest moments of her life. It was a youth pastor who met her right in the middle of that mess. And that one encounter became the reason she spent the next 11 years pouring into teenagers herself.

We talk about what it actually looks like to be a safe person for a kid who has no safe place. We get into the hard stuff, what to do when someone opens up about self-harm, how to know when something is beyond you, and why humility might be the most underrated leadership quality there is. We also talk about the season Savannah is walking into right now, stepping back from youth ministry after over a decade, and trusting that the passion stays even when the assignment changes.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, we end up talking about parenting, identity, the fruit of the spirit, and why the difference between try and triumph is just a little umph. 😂

Galatians 5:22-23 is Savannah's anchor verse, the first one she ever memorized, and the way she unpacks it is so good. It is not a tidy little checklist. It is a daily heart check, and she treats it like one.

If you have ever felt called to speak life into someone else while quietly wondering if you are enough for that assignment, I think this episode is going to meet you right where you are. You don't have to have it all together. God made you on purpose and for a purpose, and that purpose can shift and still be holy.

I'm so glad you're here. 🙏

Scriptures mentioned in this episode: 

Galatians 5:22-23 | James 1:2-4 | Psalm 119:105

Find us on socials @amessyamenpod linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod

What do you do when the people who were supposed to point you to God... made you want to walk away from Him instead?

That is exactly where Elizabeth Androl found herself. She grew up in church, loved it, had her name engraved on her very first Bible. But between a legalistic environment, and adults who contradicted everything she believed, she did what a lot of young girls do. She stopped. She looked for answers in other places, went down some dark roads, and spent years not really knowing who she was or where she belonged.

This conversation goes there. The depression, the anxiety, the suicidal thoughts, the new age rabbit hole. The silence she felt she had to keep. And then, a Bible left open on the floor to Psalm 84 that she doesn't remember opening.

Elizabeth shares what it looked like to come back to faith as an adult, find a church that finally felt like home, and have a moment at the altar that broke something loose she had been carrying for years.

Her words say it better than I ever could. She went from being an angry child to feeling like a child of God.

If you have ever felt like you were too far gone, too confused, or too messy for God to find you, this one is for you.

Scriptures mentioned in this episode:

Psalm 84 | Hebrews 12:1-2 | Romans 12:1-2 | Philippians 4:8 | Jeremiah 29:11 | 2 Corinthians 10:5

HERE is the song I couldn't remember the words of, the bridge is so good!

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What do you say to a kid sitting behind bars who believes the world has already written them off?
In this moving and hope-filled episode, Michelle sits down with Mickey Holm, a passionate advocate and volunteer with Forgotten Youth Ministries — a non-denominational Christian nonprofit based in Saginaw, Michigan that has been walking into juvenile detention centers since 1999 to share one simple but life-changing message: you are not forgotten.
Mickey opens up about what it's really like to step inside a detention facility week after week, look a teenager in the eye, and tell them that God sees them — fully, completely, and without condition. He shares the stories, the heartbreak, the breakthroughs, and the moments that remind him exactly why this work matters. Because behind every set of bars is a kid who still has a future, and a God who hasn't given up on them.
Together, Michelle and Mickey talk about:

What drove Mickey to say yes to this ministry — and what keeps him going
The realities facing incarcerated youth and the families left behind
How the Gospel meets people in their darkest, most hopeless places
Why showing up consistently is itself a form of love
What it looks like when a young person genuinely encounters the grace of Jesus
How ordinary believers can step into uncomfortable places and make an eternal difference

This conversation is a beautiful reminder that no one — not even the most overlooked and forgotten among us — is outside the reach of God's love.
If you've ever wondered whether God can use your ordinary life in extraordinary ways, Mickey's story will stir something in you.
✨ Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs hope today.
📖 Find the companion devotional and deeper reflections soon over on Substack.
And now you'll be able to download the Companion PDF guide on my merch site, that will be available on Fourtwall.
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Learn more about Forgotten Youth Ministries and how you can get involved Here!

In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Michelle sits down with motivational speaker, pastor, nonprofit founder, and former All-American running back Brian Pruitt for a conversation about identity, fatherhood, forgiveness, purpose, and what happens when God rewrites your plans.

Brian shares the heartbreaking story of how an NFL dream ended overnight after doctors discovered a spinal condition that made playing professionally too dangerous, and how that loss forced him into years of wrestling with identity, disappointment, and purpose. But through the pain, God began building something even bigger.

Together, Michelle and Brian talk about:
• What it means to carry leadership into your home, not just your workplace
• The importance of culture in families, marriages, and teams
• Raising children with acceptance, affection, and affirmation
• Learning to trust God when His answer is “no”
• The complicated reality of forgiveness and family wounds
• How God can redeem even generations of brokenness
• Why your pain may become the very thing God uses to heal others

This conversation builds toward a raw and emotional story of forgiveness and reconciliation that neither Michelle nor Brian could get through without tears, and it’s a moment listeners won’t soon forget.

Scriptures mentioned in this episode include:
• Jeremiah 29:11
• Genesis 50:20
• Joshua 1:9
• Matthew 3:17

If you’ve ever struggled with disappointment, grief, identity, broken family dynamics, or wondering whether God can still use your story, this conversation will encourage you.

✨ Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs hope today.

📖 Find the companion devotional and deeper reflections over on Substack.
📱 Follow along with me on socials HERE

Find Brian Pruitt on his website: Pruitt Motivational 

On Facebook & Instagram 

Don't forget to check out his books as well, all in the, "Read With Me," tab of my Amazon Storefront! 

This conversation is honest, a little messy, and full of hope.

We’re talking about what it looks like to meet God in your brokenness, not once you’ve cleaned it all up. From wrestling with abandonment and feeling unlovable, to slowly learning how to trust God as a good Father… this episode is about letting truth speak louder than the lies.

We also get into Bible journaling, not for perfection or aesthetics, but as a way to slow down, stay present, and actually connect with God.

If you’ve ever felt like God’s promises are for everyone else but you… this is your reminder: He hasn’t left, and He’s not going anywhere.

You don’t have to have it all together.
You just have to come honest.

Scriptures mentioned:

• Romans 8:28
• James 1:2
• James 4:8
• Psalms 73:26

If this episode came to mind for someone, send it to them. And if you want to go deeper, the companion devotional will be waiting for you over on Substack. Check there tonight or tomorrow!

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What if the thing you thought was helping you cope… was actually the thing quietly destroying you?

Struggling with addiction, codependency, or feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns?

In this episode of A Messy Amen, I sit down with my friend Alyssa to talk about addiction, trauma, and what it really looks like to surrender your life to God, not just in words, but in the hard, uncomfortable, “I don’t want to let go of this” kind of way.

Alyssa shares her powerful testimony of overcoming drug and alcohol addiction, breaking free from codependency, and learning that surrender wasn’t about giving God pieces, it was about giving Him everything.

This conversation is honest, heavy at times, and full of the kind of moments that make you stop and think, God really does meet people in the middle of their mess.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Addiction and recovery through faith in God
• Codependency, control, and surrendering relationships
• Healing from trauma, anger, and past abuse
• Learning to hear God’s voice in the middle of the mess
• Identity in Christ and moving from brokenness to restoration

If you’ve ever tried to numb the pain, control the outcome, or hold everything together on your own, this episode will meet you there. “I thought I was just having fun… until I couldn’t stop.”

Because no matter how far you feel gone, God is still in the business of restoration.

Scriptures mentioned:

• Jeremiah 33:3
• Ephesians 3:20
• Romans 12:19-21
• Matthew 6:33

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The accompanying devotional will be posted soon on Substack, make sure you're following along on all socials so you don't miss a thing!

What does it look like to trust God when things feel uncertain—or even uncomfortable?

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Teresa to talk about learning to hear God’s voice and follow His lead in real, everyday moments. From wrestling with failure and intrusive thoughts to stepping out in bold faith with complete strangers, Teresa shares how God has met her in both the tension and the breakthrough.

We also talk about how different our callings can look in different seasons, whether you’re out traveling and evangelizing or at home raising your family, and why both matter deeply in God’s Kingdom.

If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re hearing God correctly or wondered if you’re doing enough, this conversation is a reminder that He’s not asking for perfection, just your willingness to trust Him right where you are.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Learning to recognize and trust God’s voice
• Moving from fear and doubt into bold obedience
• Walking through failure, depression, and spiritual warfare
• Real-life stories of sharing faith in everyday moments
• Trusting God in different seasons and callings
• Why love—not perfection—is where it all begins

Key Takeaway

You don’t have to have everything figured out—you just have to be willing to trust God in the tension.

Connect + Resources

Find a devotional to go along with this episode on Substack:

https://open.substack.com/pub/amessyamenpod/p/trusting-god-in-the-tension?r=7wbogv&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true 

Find me on socials: https://linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod

What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you hoped?

We all know the phrase “turn lemons into lemonade,” but what does that actually look like when the pain is real, prayers feel unanswered, and life feels heavy?

In this episode, we’re talking about what it means to trust God in the middle of it, not after things get better. Together, we unpack what Scripture really says about trials, how to “consider it joy” without pretending everything is okay, and how to come honestly before a God who is still good, even in the hard seasons.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Why gratitude in hard seasons actually matters
• Letting go of comparison and stepping into your own calling
• What it means to be held and kept by God
• Learning to trust Him—even when it’s difficult

Scriptures Mentioned:

• James 1:2–4
• Romans 8:28
• Proverbs 3:5–6
• Colossians 3:12
• Romans 5:3–5

Companion Devotional:

📖 Read along here:
https://amessyamenpod.substack.com/p/turning-lemons-into-lemonade?r=7wbogv&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=post-publish&triedRedirect=true

Connect With Us:

Follow along and stay connected:
https://linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod

About the Guest:

Tonilee Cullison has served alongside her husband, Kurt, in ministry for nearly 35 years. They currently serve as lead pastors of GraceValley Church in Saginaw, Michigan, and are parents to two adult children, Ashley (Trevor) and Andrew.

Growing up in a broken home, Tonilee developed a deep passion for helping women build peaceful, God-centered homes. What began as a chaotic childhood has become a testimony of God’s faithfulness—shaping her heart for homemaking, discipleship, and creating environments where people can flourish spiritually, relationally, and practically.

She is especially passionate about helping women break free from comparison and step confidently into their God-given purpose. Through her teaching, storytelling, and wisdom rooted in Scripture, Tonilee brings both encouragement and truth—often making you laugh one moment and reflect deeply the next. Her greatest desire is to share timely, Spirit-led truth that helps women walk in freedom and purpose.

Call to Action:

If this episode encouraged you, share it with someone who might need it, and don’t forget to follow the podcast so you don’t miss what’s coming next.