In this episode I'm talking about masking and the way autistic and ADHD people learn to suppress, hide, and adapt their natural behaviours to fit in. Drawing on my own experience as a late-discovered AuDHD woman, I trace where my mask came from, how it showed up across every area of my life, and what the slow, complicated process of unmasking has looked like for me.

Chapters

0:02 — Introduction and the Not Quite Typical rebrand

0:27 — Rebranding and setting up new platforms

0:47 — What this podcast is for

1:24 — The question at the heart of this episode: are you really being yourself?

2:09 — What masking and unmasking actually mean

3:04 — How masking behaviours show up day to day

4:11 — Masking differently in different environments

5:32 — Why masking is a survival strategy, not a choice

6:15 — What the research says about masking and late diagnosis

7:08 — Masking in the workplace and its long-term effects

8:32 — My personal masking story begins

10:40 — School, childhood, and where the mask first went on

13:22 — The moment at eight years old that changed everything

14:57 — A decade of observing and learning how to 'be normal'

16:15 — Masking in work: scripting emails, hypervigilance, never leaving the desk

17:28 — Starting to unmask — and how the cracks appear

18:16 — Why unmasking is harder than it sounds

20:02 — What happens when the mask comes off suddenly

21:25 — Masking (and not masking) while working from home

22:04 — 'I have workplace anxiety' and what that actually was

23:42 — Finding spaces where the mask could come off

24:46 — Unmasking on production sets

25:38 — Acting courses and unmasking

26:32 — Unmasking with the right people

28:32 — Career choices shaped by what feels safe

30:03 — Practical advice on unmasking gradually and safely

32:14 — Finding safe zones and communities

33:31 — Having conversations about unmasking in relationships and at work

36:16 — Closing reflection: nothing needs to be fixed

Research & Sources

Van der Putten et al. (2023) — AuDHD individuals mask more than either autistic or ADHD people alone

Craddock, E. (2024) — AuDHD women who masked were diagnosed significantly later than those who didn't

Pearson & Rose (2021) — masking linked to anxiety, depression, and identity erosion

Cook et al. (2023) — long-term effects of masking on mental health

Pryke-Hobbes et al. (2023, PLOS ONE) — workplace masking as necessity for autistic adults

National Autistic Society: autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/masking

Find Not Quite Typical

Instagram: @not_quitetypical

Substack: Not Quite Typical

A Note

I'm not a doctor, therapist, or researcher. Everything I share comes from my own lived experience as a late-discovered autistic and ADHD woman. If anything in this episode resonates and you want to explore further, please do and be gentle with yourself while you do it.

This one’s for anyone who’s ever cancelled something they were looking forward to, or spent three days dreading a dinner they actually enjoyed. You’re not dramatic. Your nervous system is just doing its job.

Chapters

00:00 Intro

01:58 Understanding Burnout and Its Effects

02:53 Living in the Present: The Struggle with Planning

07:09 The Spiral of Anticipatory Stress

12:35 Demand Avoidance and Its Impact

16:57 Personal Experiences with Energy Management

20:43 Understanding Autistic Burnout

24:04 Coping Strategies for Managing Anxiety

32:05 The Importance of Data and Evidence

33:51 The Power of Saying No

37:31 Conclusion: Embracing Kindness and Understanding

Research & links:

Intolerance of uncertainty & anxiety in autistic people

* Frontiers in Psychology — Sensory sensitivity and intolerance of uncertainty influencing anxiety in autistic adults: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.731753/full

* Systematic review & meta-analysis on IU and anxiety in autistic people: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7539603/

* Sensory Sensitivity and Intolerance of Uncertainty Influence Anxiety in Autistic Adults: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8635111/

* Autistic Sensory Traits and Psychological Distress — Mediating Role of Worry and Intolerance of Uncertainty: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39595851/

Time perception in autism

* Time perception and autistic spectrum condition: A systematic review: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6852160/

* How autism influences time perception (accessible overview): https://www.newpatternsaba.com/blog/how-autism-influences-time-perception

Demand avoidance

* Understanding pathological demand avoidance in adults: https://pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/understanding-pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-with-autism/

* Living with PDA — strategies for adults: https://rachellebloksberg.com/living-with-pathological-demand-avoidance-strategies-for-dealing-with-pda-in-adults-for-autism-and

* PDA in adults — how to get unstuck: https://www.thriveautismcoaching.com/post/pathological-demand-avoidance-in-adults-how-to-help-them-get-unstuck

Burnout & IU as a coping mechanism

* IU as a mechanism in autistic anxiety: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5903967/

* Single-case treatment study for IU in autistic adults: