In this heartfelt conversation, I’m joined by Kendra DeVito to explore the role of self-care in healing after intimate betrayal. Together, we unpack the guilt, exhaustion and survival-mode thinking that can make caring for yourself feel impossible — especially when you’re overwhelmed, caring for others, or simply trying to get through the day.

Kendra shares pieces of her own healing journey after multiple D-Days, raising five children and spending many years without access to trauma-informed support. Through her story, we explore how self-care became more than bubble baths and coffee runs — it became a pathway back to clarity, nervous system regulation, confidence, voice and self-worth.

This episode is a gentle invitation to reconnect with yourself in small, meaningful ways.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why self-care can feel selfish after betrayal 
•  The connection between self-care and nervous system healing 
•  How betrayal trauma disconnects us from our own needs 
•  Tiny, practical acts of self-care that actually help 
•  Why “what makes me happy?” can feel like such a difficult question 
•  The role of self-talk in rebuilding confidence 
•  Self-care during demanding seasons of motherhood and overwhelm 
•  Receiving “glimmers” of goodness in everyday life 
•  The importance of both self-care and support from others 
•  Moving beyond survival toward flourishing 

Memorable moments from this conversation:

"Self-care helped me find myself, use my voice and gain confidence.” — Kendra

“Sometimes self-care is simply slowing down enough to receive the moment you’re already in.” — Jane

“I want to go beyond healing and flourish.” — Kendra

Practical self-care ideas mentioned in this episode:

•  Journaling 
•  Walking in nature 
•  Yoga or stretching 
•  Lighting a candle 
•  Drinking coffee slowly and intentionally 
•  Taking deep breaths 
•  Listening to music 
•  Spending time with safe people 
•  Watching something funny 
•  Baking 
•  Painting or colouring 
•  Reading 
•  Bubble baths 
•  Resting without guilt 
•  Turning off your phone 
•  Buying yourself flowers 
•  Watching a sunrise or sunset 
•  Letting yourself cry 
•  Celebrating small wins 

Connect with Kendra:

Kendra offers support groups and coaching through her Ruined to Radiant program.

Website: https://ruined2radiant.com

Instagram: @coachkendralee

Connect with Jane

If this episode encouraged you and you’d like more support for healing after betrayal, visit Quiet Wisdom

If this conversation resonated with you, please consider rating, reviewing and sharing the podcast with someone who may need encouragement today.

Gently does it with your beautiful self. 💛

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

If betrayal has shaken not only your relationship, but your sense of safety in your faith, this episode is for you.

Today, I’m joined by Donna Dixon, founder of A Doorway of Hope, who trains women to facilitate faith-based support groups for those healing from betrayal. Together, we explore a deeply important and often overlooked question:

What does it actually mean to feel spiritually safe after betrayal?

For many women, betrayal doesn’t just impact trust in a partner — it disrupts trust in themselves, in others, and even in God. Spaces that once felt comforting can suddenly feel confusing, pressuring, or even harmful.

In this conversation, we gently unpack:

•  Why spiritual distress is such a common part of betrayal trauma 
•  The subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways faith spaces can feel unsafe 
•  The impact of messages like “try harder” or “don’t question God” 
•  How betrayal can create a rupture not just in relationships, but in identity and faith 
•  The difference between being tolerated vs truly welcomed 
•  What it looks like to create a spiritual space where you can show up as you are — grief, anger, doubt and all 

Donna shares a powerful truth:

Spiritual safety creates space for your journey — it doesn't pressure you to perform.

We also talk about the role of safe community — those “me too” moments where you feel seen, heard, and known — and why those moments are essential for healing.

One of my favourite takeaways from this episode is this:

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is pause and be with — instead of fixing, correcting, or rushing someone through their pain.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t quite fit in your faith community anymore…
 If you’ve struggled with questions, anger, or distance from God…
 If you’ve wondered, “Is there a place for me to be fully honest and still belong?”

You are not alone. And there is space for you.

Next Steps: 

If this conversation resonates, I’d love to invite you to take one small step toward support.

You can explore more resources, support options, and gentle next steps at my Quiet Wisdom website.

You might appreciate this spiritual perspective in my blogpost: God as a Betrayed Partner

To learn more about A Doorway of Hope and Donna's Peer Facilitator Course, click here. 

Or simply share this episode with someone who might need to hear the message that you are allowed to be on a journey.

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

In this powerful and nuanced conversation, I’m joined by Lisa Taylor, a counsellor and APSATS-trained practitioner who specialises in betrayal trauma, sex addiction, and recovery.

Together, we explore one of the most painful and confusing aspects of betrayal: ongoing dishonesty—even when there is sobriety.

If you’ve found yourself upset with lying, lack of transparency, minimising and evasion, even when you're pretty sure he's no longer acting out 
 —this episode is for you.

We unpack:

•  Why lying often hurts more than the betrayal itself
•  The difference between lies of omission and lies of commission
•  A deeper look at intent behind dishonesty—from malicious harm to self-protection and carelessness
•  How patterns of lying can become automatic or even unconscious
•  The impact of compartmentalisation and cognitive distortions
•  Why understanding why someone lies does not make it okay

Most importantly, we focus on what you can do:

•  How to discern what’s actually happening
•  How to anchor into your own reality
•  Practical ways to increase your sense of safety
•  Holding your ground with clear, protective boundaries

This episode is especially for women who are:

•  Navigating a relationship where sobriety is present 
•  Still holding space for repair 
•  Trying to rebuild safety while facing ongoing dishonesty 

We also gently acknowledge:
 Hearing about lying and deception may feel activating. Please listen at your own pace, care for yourself, and reach out for support if needed.

My hope is that this conversation brings you clarity, validation, and grounded confidence—so you can make decisions that honour your safety and your truth.

Links & Resources:

Visit Quiet Wisdom for supportive resources, or explore my free tools designed to help you feel more grounded, clear, and confident after betrayal.

Naked Truth Recovery offers groups for men seeking to heal their relationships as they recover from compulsive problematic sexual behaviours. There are also supportive groups for women healing from betrayal trauma.

Lisa's books :

Beyond Betrayal: How God is Healing Women (and Couples) from Infidelity

There's What on my Phone? How God's Good Gift Beats Porn (for kids aged 10-12)

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

For many women navigating the aftermath of intimate betrayal, boundaries can feel harsh, confusing, or even unkind. You might wonder… Am I being controlling? Am I asking for too much?

In this episode of Confident Again, we reframe boundaries through a very different lens.

What if boundaries are not about control or punishment… but about love in action?

Together, we explore how boundaries can become grounded, values-based decisions that support healing, clarity, and long-term relational wellbeing.

In this episode, you’ll learn how boundaries can be an expression of:

• Love for God and the life-giving values that guide your decisions
 • Love for the other — calling them toward honesty, integrity, and growth
 • Love for the relationship — creating something sustainable, safe, and honest
 • Love for your family — shaping an environment where trust and stability can grow
 • Love for yourself — restoring your voice, agency, and sense of worth

Practice nervous system regulation with my free Polyvagal Challenge: https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/polyvagalchallenge

If you need support in the middle of the night post-betrayal, download my Can't Sleep at 1am Audio Meditation here:  https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/cantsleepaudiocompanion

Check out my website here: https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

In this heartfelt conversation, Jane explores one of the most painful impacts of betrayal: the way it can distort your sense of self-worth. She gently unpacks why betrayal is never a commentary on your value, even though it can feel that way in the aftermath.

You’ll hear why betrayal is rooted in disloyalty, secrecy, deception, and power imbalance — not in any deficiency in you. Jane also explains why it makes sense that your worth feels under attack after betrayal, especially when manipulation tactics like blame-shifting, gaslighting, and DARVO have left you doubting your reality.

This episode also explores how trauma affects the nervous system and can turn pain inward, leading to self-blame and disconnection from your truest self. Jane offers a compassionate reframe: your worth has not been lost — but your connection to it may have been damaged through trauma.

With warmth, honesty, and practical wisdom, Jane shares 6 grounded ways to begin reclaiming your sense of worth, including:

• reconnecting with the qualities that reflect your truest self
• listening to and responding to your body with care
• telling the truth about what has happened to you
• setting effective, self-honouring boundaries
• making values-based choices that restore agency
• accepting your humanity without shame

Jane also shares part of her own journey of questioning and reclaiming her worth, offering hope that healing is possible, and that the real you is still there — alive, precious, and waiting to be reconnected with.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of betrayal and wondering whether you still matter, this episode is a tender reminder: your story is painful, but it does not define your worth.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why betrayal is not about your worth
• Why it makes sense that betrayal feels like an attack on your value
• How trauma and the nervous system can fuel self-blame
• Why lost self-worth is often really lost self-connection
• Six practical ways to nurture a stronger connection to your true self

If late nights are especially hard and your thoughts won’t switch off, Jane has created a gentle resource called the 1AM Audio Companion to support you in those tender hours.

Find it here: https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/cantsleepaudiocompanion

If this episode encouraged you, please follow the show, share it with someone who may need it, and leave a rating or review.

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

In today’s conversation on Confident Again, Jane walks you through the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) — a research-informed framework developed by APSATS (the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists). This model was created specifically for partners experiencing the trauma of intimate betrayal.

For too long, betrayed partners were labelled “codependent,” “too sensitive,” or “overreacting.” The MPTM shifts that narrative. It recognises that the anxiety, hypervigilance, rage, numbness, and confusion you may be experiencing are normal trauma responses to an unsafe reality — not character flaws.

At its heart, the MPTM is built on one powerful truth:

Safety is the treatment.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

Jane unpacks the three core phases of the MPTM and helps you identify where you might be in your own journey:

Phase 1: Safety & Stabilisation
When discovery hits like an earthquake, the priority is re-establishing safety — physically, emotionally, and relationally. This may include boundaries, support systems, trauma-informed therapy, and, for couples pursuing recovery, structured therapeutic disclosure.

Phase 2: Remembrance & Mourning
Once some stability is restored, space opens for grief. This is where meaning-making begins — processing anger, sadness, shattered assumptions, and the loss of the relationship you thought you had. It’s also a time to notice what hasn’t been taken from you: your resilience, your strength, your core self.

Phase 3: Reconnection
Here, healing deepens. Identity is reclaimed. Beliefs are reframed. Couples (if staying together) begin weaving a new relational story grounded in truth and accountability. This is where post-traumatic growth begins to gain momentum.

Importantly, these phases aren’t linear. You may move back and forth between them. That doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re healing.

Jane also shares three simple ways to align your healing with the MPTM framework:

• Notice your body’s cues and respond with safety.
• Replace self-blame with trauma-informed language (“This is trauma speaking.”).
• Seek support from professionals trained in betrayal trauma.

Healing from betrayal takes time — often years, not months — but each step toward regulation and self-compassion matters.

Ready for Practical Support?

I've created a gift for those nights when sleep won't come. It's a free audio companion for 1am, guiding you to soften and rest. 

Download it here: https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/cantsleepaudiocompanion

If you found this episode helpful, please follow, rate, and share Confident Again so more women can access trauma-informed support after betrayal.

See you next time!

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

With more than 30 years of experience, Therese brings warmth, clarity, and practical wisdom to a topic that is often misunderstood. Mindfulness isn’t about sitting cross-legged trying to silence your thoughts. It’s about learning how to relate differently to your thoughts, your body, and your nervous system.

Together, Jane and Therese unpack how rumination about the past (“if only…”) and worry about the future (“what if…”) keep the nervous system on high alert. They explore how mindfulness interrupts those thought loops and helps you return to the only place your body can truly settle: the present moment.

You’ll hear:
 • Why a “busy mind” isn’t a failure — it’s the starting point of awareness
 • How mindfulness builds neurological safety and supports confident decision-making
 • The connection between thought loops, anxiety, and nervous system activation
 • Practical everyday ways to practice mindfulness (brushing teeth, chopping vegetables, noticing sound)
 • How simple shifts in awareness increase psychological flexibility
 • Why letting go of expectation is key to real change
 • A short guided mindfulness exercise focused on sound and breath

Therese also explains how mindfulness supports healing at both emotional and physical levels — from reducing stress responses to improving resilience and overall wellbeing.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in replaying the past or bracing for the future, this episode will help you understand why — and what to do instead.

🌿 About Therese Sheedy

Therese is a psychologist who integrates mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to support anxiety, grief and loss, adjustment challenges, trauma recovery, fertility stress, and women’s wellbeing. She offers one-on-one counselling (including telehealth), workshops, webinars, and digital programs.

Learn more here:
 👉 https://www.theresesheedy.com

For fertility-specific support:
 👉 https://www.mindfulmoments.net.au

🎁 Free resources on mindfulness, managing anxiety, and parenting:
 👉 www.theresesheedy.com/resources

🌸 Want More Support for Your Nervous System?

If this conversation resonated with you, you may also want practical tools to build calm and confidence in your own body.

Download Jane’s free 10-Day Polyvagal Challenge — a simple, structured guide to help you strengthen nervous system regulation and rebuild confidence after betrayal:

👉 https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/polyvagalchallenge

Explore more support and resources at:
 👉 https://www.quietwisdom.com.au

Mindfulness isn’t about controlling your thoughts. It’s about cultivating awareness, kindness, and flexibility — and allowing your nervous system to settle enough to make wise, grounded decisions.

If this episode sparked even a small sense of hope, share it with someone who might need it. And don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss future conversations designed to help you feel Confident Again.

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist

In the very first episode of The Confident Again Podcast, betrayal trauma coach Jane Gibb shares a grounded, trauma-informed message of hope: confidence can return after betrayal — and there’s a real reason it feels so far away right now.

Drawing on both professional experience and her own lived journey, Jane explains what happens in the nervous system after betrayal and why your reactions make sense. When trust is shattered, your body automatically moves into protection — impacting your ability to trust yourself, others, the future, and sometimes even your faith.

In this episode, Jane gently explores how confidence is affected after betrayal and offers six practical, compassionate ways to begin rebuilding confidence, without forcing yourself to “be strong” or rushing the healing process.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why betrayal creates a neurobiological shock
• How your nervous system responds to protect you
• Why self-doubt, confusion, and second-guessing are normal trauma responses
• How confidence is impacted in relationships, belief systems, and faith
• Six gentle steps to help confidence return, one baby step at a time

This episode is for you if:

• You feel like you don’t recognise yourself anymore
• You’re exhausted by the emotional push-pull after betrayal
• You want hope that doesn’t minimise what you’ve been through
• You’re longing to feel grounded, clear, and confident again

You’re not broken. Something big happened to you. With safe support, understanding, and gentle steps forward, confidence can come back.

Free support to help you get started

If you’d like simple, practical support to help calm your nervous system and rebuild a sense of safety, you can download my free 10-Day Polyvagal Self-Regulation Challenge. Each day offers a short, accessible practice to help you move from chaos toward calm and clarity.

👉 Download the free challenge here:
 https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/polyvagalchallenge

Or check out my Quiet Wisdom website https://www.quietwisdom.com.au/

🎧 Press play and take your first step toward becoming confident again.

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Join the Support Group Waitlist