Building Birth Confidence

The Guilt, Shame & Self-Blame Nobody Talks About

Sun, 12 Apr 2026 16:00:00 +0100

There is a thought that sits quietly underneath the fear for so many people who've been through a difficult birth: this was my fault. In this episode, Katie names it directly - the self-blame, the guilt, the shame - and explains where it comes from, why it isn't the truth, and what to do with it that actually helps.

IN THIS EPISODE:

The specific self-blame thoughts that come after a difficult birth, named without judgement
The difference between guilt and shame, and why that distinction matters clinically
The real barriers to self-compassion for people who've been through trauma
Why self-compassion isn't self-indulgent, and what it actually feels like to practise it
A compassionate self-talk practice to try when the self-critical voice gets loud

PRACTICAL TOOL THIS WEEK:
The friend question - when the self-critical voice arrives, ask: what would I say to a friend who said this to me? Then say that to yourself instead.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie

30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free)
https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge

Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection
https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list

Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth
https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear

CONNECT WITH KATIE:
Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

With compassion,
Katie - NHS Mental Health Midwife | Perinatal Trauma Specialist

What Is Tokophobia - And Could You Have It?

Sun, 05 Apr 2026 16:00:00 +0100

Maybe you've heard the word tokophobia before and felt a flicker of recognition. Or maybe you've never heard it - and you've just been carrying this particular dread without a name for it. In this episode, Katie explains what tokophobia actually is, why having a name for it matters, and what it means for the support you can ask for.

IN THIS EPISODE:

The difference between general birth anxiety and tokophobia — and why it matters
Primary and secondary tokophobia explained in plain language
The specific signs that might mean this is more than nerves
Why having a clinical name for what you're experiencing changes what you can ask for
What to say at a GP or midwife appointment to access the right support

PRACTICAL TOOL THIS WEEK:
The three-phrase practice - a simple tool for when the dread arrives: "I know what this is. This response makes sense. I am safe right now."

What Is Actually Happening In Your Body When You’re Terrified

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 17:00:00 +0100

Have you ever wondered why 'just calm down' makes absolutely no difference when you're scared about birth? In this episode, Katie explains the actual neuroscience of fear, in plain language, so you finally understand why your body responds the way it does. And why that response is biology, not failure.

IN THIS EPISODE:

What the amygdala is and why it fires before your thinking brain catches up
The four threat responses - fight, flight, freeze, and fawn - and which one feels most like you
Why 'positive thinking' can't reach trauma-based fear - and what the science actually says
The window of tolerance - what it is, how trauma narrows it, and why that matters
A body scan practice to help you check in with where you actually are

PRACTICAL TOOL THIS WEEK:
The body scan, a 60-second check-in that helps you identify whether you're activated, shut down, or inside your window of tolerance, so you can choose the right response.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie

30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free)
https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge

Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection
https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list

Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth
https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear

CONNECT WITH KATIE:
Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

With compassion,
Katie - NHS Mental Health Midwife | Perinatal Trauma Specialist

I'm Scared to Give Birth Again - And Nobody Gets It

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 18:00:00 +0000

If you're pregnant again after a difficult birth or pregnancy experience, and you're scared, and exhausted, and wondering why you can't just feel excited like everyone else seems to, this episode is for you. In this first episode of Series 2, Katie names what fear after perinatal trauma actually looks like from the inside, and why none of it is weakness.
IN THIS EPISODE:

Why fear after birth trauma shows up differently to ordinary pregnancy anxiety
The four ways it tends to look in real life: avoidance, catastrophising, isolation, and guilt
Why the people around you might not understand, and why that's not your fault
Why 'thinking positive' doesn't reach this kind of fear, and what does
A simple grounding tool you can use today when the fear feels like too much

PRACTICAL TOOL THIS WEEK:
The 3-2-1 grounding technique - a body-based tool that brings your nervous system into the present moment when fear takes over.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Free Trauma-Informed Birth Plan Workbook | Birthcare with Katie

30-Day Calm & Confident Birth Challenge (free)
https://birthcare.co.uk/30-day-mindset-challenge

Better Birth Anxiety Workbook — The Birthcare Collection
https://birthcare.co.uk/products-list

Birth Without Fear: Essentials for a Better Birth
https://birthcare.co.uk/birth-without-fear

CONNECT WITH KATIE:
Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Website: https://birthcare.co.uk/

With compassion,
Katie - NHS Mental Health Midwife | Perinatal Trauma Specialist

Understanding Your Amazing Uterus

Sat, 26 Jul 2025 10:00:00 +0100

Your uterus is one of the most powerful, and misunderstood, organs in your body. But if you’ve experienced a difficult or traumatic birth before, it can be hard to trust it.

In this gentle, informative episode, Katie explains:

How the uterus works during labour (with insights from hypnobirthing and Mindful Birthing by Nancy Bardacke)
Why fear can create tension in the uterine muscles, and how relaxation supports effective labour
What your uterus needs to work well (movement, breath, and calm)
How to rebuild body trust after trauma
A short guided visualisation to reconnect with your body with kindness and compassion

✨ This isn’t about birthing a certain way, it’s about giving your body the support it needs to do what it’s designed to do.

Download Katie’s free Birth Plan Guide + Template

Connect With Katie:

Listen & Subscribe:
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who might benefit from these insights. Your support helps others discover the podcast and find the tools they need to approach their birth journey with confidence.

How to Speak So They Hear You

Sat, 19 Jul 2025 10:00:00 +0100

If you freeze in appointments, forget your questions, or leave feeling like you weren’t heard, this short episode is for you.

Katie gently explores why trauma makes it hard to speak up, and shares CBT tools, midwifery insights, and a short breath and anchor practice to help you feel more prepared for your next maternity appointment.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why the “freeze” response is common in pregnancy after trauma
How to prepare and rehearse what you want to say
A calming breathing practice to support you before and during appointments

You deserve to feel confident and heard in every conversation about your care.

Connect With Katie:

It’s Okay to Choose a Caesarean

Sat, 12 Jul 2025 10:00:00 +0100

Choosing a planned caesarean after a traumatic vaginal birth can bring up a lot of emotions, fear, doubt, shame, even guilt. But your choice is valid. And you are still having a beautiful, empowered birth.

In this short, compassionate episode, Katie gently reframes the decision to have a C-section and offers practical ways to personalise the experience. The episode closes with a simple soothing touch practice to support your nervous system and honour your strength.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why a C-section can be a deeply compassionate choice
Small ways to personalise your birth and feel more connected
A short practice to feel calm, confident, and proud of your decision

Your birth doesn’t have to look a certain way to feel powerful and right for you.

Connect With Katie:

You’re Allowed to Ask Questions

Sat, 05 Jul 2025 10:00:00 +0100

If you've ever walked out of an appointment thinking, “I didn’t say what I really wanted to say,” or “I wish I’d asked more questions,” this episode is for you.

Katie gently explores how birth trauma can make it harder to speak up during pregnancy and shares simple, practical tools to help you feel more confident and heard in maternity appointments. The episode ends with a short visualisation practice to help you feel calm and grounded before your next conversation about your care.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why it’s hard to speak up after trauma, and how to reframe that
The BRAIN acronym for making clear, confident decisions
A calming practice to prepare emotionally for appointments

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need the right to ask, and to be treated with respect when you do.

Connect With Katie:

Let’s Talk About Control

Sat, 28 Jun 2025 10:00:00 +0100

After a traumatic birth, many people feel a deep need to regain control. But birth is unpredictable, so how do we navigate that uncertainty without feeling powerless?

In this short, empowering episode, Katie explores the difference between control and influence, and guides you through a calming hand-on-heart practice to help you reconnect to your inner strength and clarity.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why control feels vital after trauma
How to identify what’s really within your power
A grounding affirmation to help you feel more capable and supported

You don’t need to control everything to feel empowered, you just need to own what is yours to shape.

Connect With Katie:

Don’t Wait Until You Feel Brave

Sat, 21 Jun 2025 10:00:00 +0100

If you’ve been putting off preparing for birth because you don’t feel “ready” yet, this episode is for you.

In this powerful and compassionate episode, Katie explores how fear, avoidance, and waiting for confidence can keep us stuck in a cycle of inaction, especially after birth trauma.

Using insights from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Compassion-Focused Therapy, you’ll learn how taking small, gentle steps forward can help you build momentum, even if you still feel scared.

This episode includes:

A compassionate reframe: why bravery comes after action
The psychology of avoidance and why it’s common after trauma
The “next smallest step” approach for moving forward
A calming 3-minute Soothing Rhythm Breathing practice to help you act with fear beside you

You don’t have to feel brave to begin, you just have to start small.
This is your moment to take that next gentle step.

Connect With Katie:

What If This Time Could Be Different?

Sat, 14 Jun 2025 10:00:00 +0100

When you’ve experienced birth trauma, hope can feel risky, even dangerous.
But what if preparing differently this time is the very thing that makes a different experience possible?

In this short, empowering episode, Katie offers a gentle mindset shift to help you explore the possibility of a better birth, and guides you through a short safe place visualisation to help activate calm, hope, and trust in yourself.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why your brain tries to predict a repeat of trauma
How to gently introduce the idea of a new story
A short visualisation practice to connect with safety and hope

You don’t have to be fearless to hope. You just need a little space to begin.

Connect With Katie:

You’re Not Broken - You’re Protecting

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 10:00:00 +0100

When you’re pregnant again after a traumatic or difficult birth, fear can show up fast, and it can feel like something’s wrong with you. But what if that fear is actually your body’s way of trying to keep you safe?

In this short, soothing episode, Katie shares a powerful mindset shift to help you understand your anxiety with more compassion, and ends with a short guided compassionate exercise to help calm your nervous system and reconnect with your body gently.

✨ What you’ll hear:

Why fear in this pregnancy doesn’t mean you’re broken
How trauma activates our brain’s protection mode
A gentle reframe using a compassion-focused therapy theory
A short guided practice to activate your soothing system

Perfect for a quiet moment with your headphones, this episode is designed to help you feel a little more supported, right now.

Connect With Katie:

Uncover Labour Pain Secrets Now for Easier Birth

Sun, 26 Jan 2025 16:00:00 +0000

In this episode of the Building Birth Confidence Podcast, Katie dives into the topic of pain in labour, a subject often surrounded by fear and anxiety. Whether you’re feeling apprehensive because of a challenging previous birth or simply unsure of how to approach this part of labour, this episode is packed with insights and tools to help you reframe pain as purposeful and manageable.

By understanding the role of pain in labour, breaking the fear-tension-pain cycle, and learning practical techniques to feel more in control, you’ll leave this episode feeling more prepared and confident for your upcoming birth.

Topics Covered:

Why Labour Pain Exists and How It Differs From Other Types of Pain
- How labour pain serves a purpose in guiding, focusing, and supporting your body during birth.
- The role of hormones like oxytocin and endorphins in making labour productive and manageable.
- Reflecting on previous birth experiences and preparing for a new approach.
The Fear-Tension-Pain Cycle
- How fear and tension can amplify pain and what you can do to break the cycle.
- Techniques like slow breathing, visualisation, and mindset shifts to help you stay calm and in control.
Factors That Influence Pain in Labour
- Understanding how fear, exhaustion, and lack of support can impact pain perception.
- Exploring ways to increase your sense of safety and comfort during labour.
Preparing for a More Comfortable Birth
- Practical strategies to manage pain, including breathing techniques, mindfulness, and body movement.
- The importance of communicating your preferences in your birth plan and building trust with your care team.
- Exploring pain relief options without guilt or judgment.

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Free Guide: https://birthcare.co.uk/birthplanguide– A free guide and customisable template to help you create a birth plan tailored to your needs.

Connect With Katie:

Embracing the Unknown: How to Manage Birth’s Uncertainty and Feel Calm, Confident and Prepared

Sat, 16 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

In this episode of the Building Birth Confidence Podcast, Katie dives into the experience of dealing with the uncertainty of birth, an aspect that many find difficult, especially after a previous traumatic experience. She shares valuable strategies for navigating the unknown with a calmer, more prepared mindset and provides tools to help you feel more at ease with uncertainty. Whether you’re worried about how your birth may go this time or are struggling to manage fears of the unexpected, this episode is here to guide you toward feeling more secure and confident.

Introduction
Why uncertainty in birth can be particularly challenging after trauma and why our brains are naturally drawn to focusing on potential dangers.

Embracing the Unpredictability of Birth
Ways to focus on what can be influenced, like creating a flexible birth plan and building trust with your care team, to feel more in control.

Understanding Uncertainty from a Psychological Perspective
Why we crave certainty, especially after trauma, and how learning to tolerate uncertainty can reduce anxiety.

Techniques for Managing and Accepting Uncertainty
Tools like reframing thoughts and using worry diaries to build resilience and manage anxiety around birth.

Preparing for a Positive Birth Experience Despite Uncertainty
Mindfulness and grounding exercises to help stay present and avoid getting lost in “what if” worries.

Strategies for Tolerating Uncertainty
Practical tips for breaking down the birth process and visualising a positive experience to reduce stress around the unknown.

Regular practice of these techniques will strengthen confidence and prepare for a positive birth, even if things don’t go exactly as planned

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Free Guide: https://birthcare.co.uk/birthplanguide– A free guide and customisable template to help you create a birth plan tailored to your needs.

Connect With Katie

Listen & Subscribe: If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who might benefit from these insights on managing birth’s uncertainty. Sharing helps others find support on their journey too!

Creating a Birth Plan that Empowers You

Sat, 09 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

In this episode, Katie explores how to create a birth plan that truly empowers you, especially if you’ve had a difficult or traumatic birth experience before. A birth plan is more than just a document—it’s a way to communicate your needs, boundaries, and preferences to your care team. Katie walks through the key elements of a birth plan, including birth environment, emotional needs, pain management, and handling interventions, with tips on how to advocate for yourself and ensure your voice is heard. She also discusses planned cesarean preferences and postnatal care.

Timestamps:

[00:00] Introduction: Katie introduces the podcast and explains how a birth plan can help parents regain control and feel more empowered, especially after previous trauma.
[02:44] Why a Birth Plan Matters: The importance of a birth plan as a communication tool, even if your last plan didn’t go as expected.
[03:45] Key Elements of an Empowering Birth Plan: Customising your birth environment, emotional needs, pain management, and flexibility in planning.
[08:58] Planned Caesarean Preferences: How to make your planned caesarean feel supportive and personalised.
[10:32] Postnatal Care Preferences: Tips on planning for postnatal care, including skin-to-skin, feeding support, and managing your post-birth environment.
[11:40 How to Communicate and Advocate for Your Birth Plan: Strategies for ensuring your birth plan is respected and followed, including communication tips with your care team.
[15:03] Recap and Final Thoughts: Key takeaways to help you feel more in control and confident about your birth plan.
[16:08] Free Resource: How to Write Your Birth Plan: Introduction to Katie’s free birth plan guide and template, specifically designed for those navigating birth after trauma.

Resources:

Free Guide: https://birthcare.co.uk/birthplanguide – A free guide and customisable template to help you create a birth plan tailored to your needs.
Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Website: Birthcare with Katie

Thank you for listening!
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode. If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who might benefit from this kind of support. Sharing helps us reach more parents who need this resource.

For more tips and resources, follow Katie on Instagram @birthcarewithkatie or visit Birthcare with Katie. You can also download Katie’s free birth plan guide and template to make this process easier for you.

Next Episode Teaser:
Join Katie in the next episode where she’ll be discussing strategies to manage the uncertainty of birth and learn ways to accept the uncomfortable truth that birth is unpredictable, see you in the next episode.

Understanding Your Options: Choosing Your Type of Birth - Vaginal Birth, VBAC, and Caesarean Birth

Sat, 02 Nov 2024 10:00:00 +0000

In this episode of the Building Birth Confidence Podcast, we dive deep into the different birth options available to you, whether you’re considering a vaginal birth, a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean), or a planned Caesarean. Hosted by Katie, a mental health midwife, antenatal teacher, and hypnobirthing instructor specialising in pregnancy after traumatic birth, this episode is designed to provide evidence-based information and emotional support to help you make informed decisions that feel right for you.

We’ll explore the pros and cons of each birth option, share practical advice on how to navigate discussions with your maternity care team, and offer trauma-informed insights to help you feel more empowered, confident, and prepared for your upcoming birth.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

What VBAC is and who might be a good candidate
The benefits and risks associated with VBAC and Caesarean births
How to approach a vaginal birth after a traumatic experience
Tips for making informed, confident decisions about your birth plan
How to prepare for a change of plans and cope with the unexpected

Timestamps:

[00:00] Introduction: Welcome and Overview of Birth Options
[03:43] What is VBAC? The Pros, Cons, and Key Considerations
[05:58] Planned Caesarean Birth: What You Need to Know
[08:44] Vaginal Birth After a Traumatic Experience: How to Heal and Prepare
[11:00] Making Informed and Confident Birth Choices
[13:32] Outro: Take Care and Continue the Journey to Birth Confidence

Resources Mentioned:

RCOG Guidelines on VBAC Success Rates Birth after previous caesarean | RCOG
Birthrights - Birthrights - your human rights during pregnancy and maternity care
NICE Guidelines - Recommendations | Caesarean birth | Guidance | NICE
NICE Guidelines - Intrapartum Care - Overview | Intrapartum care | Guidance | NICE

Connect with Me:

Follow me on Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Share your thoughts or ask questions, your feedback helps shape future episodes!

Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who might benefit from this information. Together, we can make the birth experience more empowering for everyone. See you next time!

How a Birth Debrief Can Empower Your Next Pregnancy

Sat, 26 Oct 2024 10:00:00 +0100

In this episode of the Building Birth Confidence Podcast, host Katie, a mental health midwife, antenatal teacher, and hypnobirthing instructor, explores how a birth debrief can empower you as you prepare for your next pregnancy. A birth debrief is an opportunity to reflect on your previous birth, helping you process what happened and gain clarity on why certain decisions were made. Katie discusses the emotional and psychological benefits of debriefing, shares tips on how to organise one, and guides you through using this process to inform your next birth plan.

Whether you’re looking for answers, closure, or simply a better understanding of your previous experience, this episode will help you use a debrief as a stepping stone to a more confident and empowered birth.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

What a birth debrief is and what it’s not
Emotional and psychological benefits of having a birth debrief
How to organise a debrief with your healthcare provider
Key questions to ask during a birth debrief
How to use insights from the debrief to create a more positive birth plan for your current pregnancy

Timestamps:
00:00 – Welcome and introduction
01:48 – What is a birth debrief? Clarifying what it is and what it’s not
04:30 – The emotional and psychological benefits of having a debrief
06:17 – Practical steps to organise a birth debrief
09:48 – Key questions to ask during a debrief
11:13 – How to use your birth debrief to inform your next birth plan
12:10 – Final thoughts and empowering takeaways

Key Takeaways:

A birth debrief is a safe space to ask questions, get clarity, and reflect on your previous birth, especially if it was difficult or traumatic.
It can help you process emotions like guilt or anger and regain a sense of control.
Writing down your thoughts before the debrief can help you get the most out of the conversation.
You can use what you learn in the debrief to shape a birth plan that reflects your needs and desires for this pregnancy.

Resources

FREE GUIDE - How to write your Birth Plan - follow this link to get access https://birthcare.co.uk/birthplanguide

Connect with Katie:

Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
Birthcare with Katie
For more support, tips, and resources, check out the links in the show notes.

Subscribe & Share:
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might benefit. Every share helps more people navigate their birth journey with confidence.

Next Episode:
Join us in the next episode where we discuss Understanding your options and choosing your type of birth.

Managing Anxiety and Fear During Pregnancy

Sat, 19 Oct 2024 10:00:00 +0100

In this very first episode of the Building Birth Confidence Podcast, host Katie, a mental health midwife, antenatal teacher, and hypnobirthing instructor, introduces a compassionate approach to managing anxiety and fear during pregnancy. This episode is designed for those who may have had a difficult or traumatic previous birth and are looking for ways to feel more calm, grounded, and in control as they prepare for this new pregnancy and birth experience.

Katie dives deep into the reasons behind pregnancy-related anxiety, especially after trauma, and offers practical psychological and physical tools to help reduce fear and promote calmness. From understanding how the brain reacts to fear to exploring tools like reframing thoughts, grounding techniques, breathing exercises, and visualisation, this episode is packed with actionable steps to help you feel more confident and prepared for your birth.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

Why fear and anxiety during pregnancy can be heightened, especially after trauma
How to challenge and reframe negative thoughts to reduce fear
Practical self-soothing techniques to calm the mind and body
The power of positive affirmations and visualisation
Simple breathing and grounding techniques to soothe yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed
How to use gratitude journaling to shift your mindset from fear to positivity

Timestamps:
00:00 – Introduction to the Building Birth Confidence Podcast
01:48 – Understanding the roots of fear and anxiety during pregnancy
05.14 – Psychological tools for managing anxiety: Reframing thoughts, dealing with "what ifs", and using affirmations
11:28 – The power of visualisation and how to use it to prepare for birth
13:34 – The use of positive affirmations

15:50 – Practical physical tools: Grounding techniques, breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation
20:45 – The benefits of gratitude journaling
22.53 – Final takeaways and practical tips for reducing anxiety
23:26 – Outro and where to find more support

Resources Mentioned:

Free resources for preparing for birth after trauma - https://birthcare.co.uk/courses
Follow Katie on Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie

Connect with Katie:

Instagram: @birthcarewithkatie
For more resources and tips, check out the links in the show notes.

Subscribe & Share:
If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with others who might benefit. Every share helps reach more people on this journey.

Next Episode:
In the next episode, we’ll be diving into How a Birth Debrief Can Empower Your Next Pregnancy. Stay tuned!