In this powerful and inspiring episode, Cheryl shares her deeply personal journey through substance use and the moment everything changed—a near-fatal overdose that became a turning point in her life. What followed was nothing short of a spiritual awakening, as she turned her life over to God and began a path of healing without a formal recovery program.

She also opens up about the emotional weight of being pregnant during active use, and how she found forgiveness in her faith.  For anyone who loves someone struggling with substance use, this episode offers a raw, honest, and ultimately hope-filled glimpse into the inner world of someone who found redemption through a relationship with her higher power.

Cheryl’s story is a reminder that even when things seem beyond repair, grace can break through in the most unexpected ways.

When you love someone struggling with addiction, the stress can seep into every corner of your life—mentally, emotionally, and physically. In this episode, we explore how natural energy wellness can offer real, grounding relief. Our guest, Ann Knapp, shares how energy healing practices like breathwork, grounding, and intuitive release can help restore balance, calm your nervous system, and reconnect you with your inner strength. If you’ve been feeling drained, anxious, or out of touch with yourself, this conversation offers hope, practical tools, and a new way to heal—from the inside out.

If you would like to get in touch with Ann please call 585-489-1495 or visit https://www.naturalenergywellnessllc.com/

Ann works out of Solutions Studio and Spa in Rochester NY and is the founder of Natural Energy Wellness

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, we sit down with a man who has experienced addiction firsthand—and also the heartbreak of watching loved ones struggle with it. He shares what it’s like to walk in both worlds, attending both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, and how each program has shaped his healing, perspective, and relationships. This episode offers rare insight into the complexities of recovery, the impact of addiction on families, and the hope that comes from working both sides of the equation.

This episode is an announcement of an update to the podcast moving forward.

Addiction doesn’t just impact the person struggling—it shakes the foundation of relationships, testing love, trust, and resilience. In this powerful episode, we hear from a couple who faced the devastating effects of substance use disorder in their marriage. They share the raw truth about how addiction nearly tore them apart, the breaking point that forced change, and the hard work it took to rebuild trust and connection. Through honesty, recovery, and personal growth, they found a way forward. Tune in for a story of pain, healing, and the strength of love in the face of addiction.

Meeting that is on Sunday mornings mentioned by Rick:

Topic: Upstate NY 12 & 12 Step Meeting 
Time: Every Sunday 7:30 AM
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81627913981?pwd=WDBQRGVUaDFNbThoUjVIM0tRTkRndz09

Meeting ID: 816 2791 3981
Passcode: honesty

Find your local number: https://us02web.zoom.us/u/kC9x6qTqE

Do you find yourself constantly putting others’ needs ahead of your own, even at the expense of your well-being? People-pleasing can be exhausting, especially when dealing with a loved one who struggles with addiction. In this episode, we explore the roots of people-pleasing, how it keeps us trapped in unhealthy cycles, and practical steps to set boundaries and prioritize self-care. Learn how to shift from seeking approval to living authentically—without guilt.

Journal prompts compliments of Marijanel 

https://marijanel.com/blog/f/break-away-from-people-pleasing-free-journal-prompts

1. Do I often say yes to requests or invitations, even when I don't really want to do them? And why or why not? Really asking yourself that why or why not? Question is where we dig those layers deeper into what mechanisms are inside of us that are causing us to do these things and to seek this constant approval?
2. Do I avoid conflict or difficult conversations? Because I'm afraid of upsetting others or being rejected? Why? Or why not?
3. How often do I prioritize other people's needs over my own work? And how does this impact my own well being and happiness? Are you happy doing this? So you essentially ask yourself, Am I happy doing this?
4. Do I find myself constantly seeking approval and validation from others? And how does this impact my self esteem and self self worth? Am I happy doing this really events? Right now we're really evaluating and taking in inventory? What's going on inside of our hearts?
5. How do I respond when someone asks for feedback? Or criticism? Do I avoid being honest or direct?
6. Do I find myself over committing or feeling overwhelmed? Because I've said yes to too many things? And how do I need to set boundaries? And what boundaries could I set?
7. What steps can I take to balance my desire to please other people with my own needs and well being? So essentially, how can I communicate my boundaries and assert myself in a healthy way?

Dr. Neha Sangwan books: Powered by Me.     Talk R

Dr. Carly LeBaron LFMT.  https://www.embracingauthenticity.org/about-me

Resentment can be a heavy burden, keeping us stuck in pain, blame, and frustration. In this episode, we dive into the power of a resentment inventory—what it is, why it matters, and how it can help you break free from old wounds. Whether you're navigating relationships with loved ones struggling with addiction or just looking to let go of lingering anger, this step-by-step approach can bring clarity, healing, and peace. Tune in to learn how taking an honest look at your resentments can create space for growth, forgiveness, and personal freedom.

**Resentment Inventory Worksheet**

 **Step 1: Identify Your Resentments**  

List the people, institutions, or situations you resent and why.  

**Who or What I Resent** | **Why I Feel Resentful** | **How It Affects Me**

Example: My spouse | They continue to drink despite my efforts to help. | Self-esteem, emotional security, fear of the future. |

**Reflection Questions:**  

- When did this resentment begin?  

- How has it grown over time?  

- How does holding onto this resentment make me feel?  

 **Step 2: How This Resentment Impacts Me**  

For each resentment, consider the ways it affects different areas of your life.  

| **Area of My Life** | **How This Resentment Affects It** 

| My self-esteem | (e.g., "I feel unworthy or not good enough.") |

| My relationships | (e.g., "I shut down emotionally or become controlling.") |

| My peace of mind | (e.g., "I replay conversations in my head and feel anxious.") |

| My physical health | (e.g., "I feel tense, have headaches, or trouble sleeping.") |

**Reflection Questions:**  

- What emotions come up when I think about this resentment? (Anger, sadness, frustration, fear, etc.)  

- Is this resentment affecting people in my life who weren’t involved? (e.g., Am I lashing out at others?)  

## **Step 3: My Role in the Resentment**  

This is about self-awareness, not self-blame. Identify any ways in which you contributed to the situation or how you continue to hold onto the resentment.  

| **What Was My Part in This?** | **Unrealistic Expectations?** | **Attempts to Control?** |

| Example: I kept trying to make them change instead of focusing on my boundaries. | Yes, I expected them to stop drinking just because I wanted them to. | Yes, I tried to manipulate or guilt them into stopping. |**Step 4: Letting Go of Resentment**  

This step is about releasing the emotional burden and shifting your focus to healing.  

| **What I Can Accept** | **How I Can Practice Forgiveness** | **Steps to Let Go** 

| Example: I accept that I cannot change others, only myself. | I can pray for them (even if I don’t feel like it) or write a letter I won’t send. | I will focus on my own growth and healing instead of their choices.

**Reflection Questions:**  

- What would my life look like if I let go of this resentment?  

- Can I see this person as sick, struggling, or acting from their own pain?  

- What healthy action can I take instead of holding onto resentment?  

## **Final Reflection:**  

- How do I feel after working through this resentment inventory?  

- What is one small action I can take today to move forward?  

- How can I be kind to myself as I continue healing?  

Do you feel like you have to handle everything yourself? Are you the one everyone relies on, even when you're drowning in stress? In this episode, we dive into high-functioning codependency—what it looks like, how it impacts your health and relationships, and why it’s so hard to recognize. We'll explore the hidden toll of constantly meeting others' needs at your own expense, the long-term effects on stress and well-being, and, most importantly, how to break free. If you've ever wondered whether your strength is actually keeping you stuck, this episode is for you.

Journal prompts from Lestallion blog:

1. Reflect on a time when you felt overly responsible for someone else's emotions. How did it make you feel, and what did you learn from that experience?Describe a situation where you neglected your own needs to please someone else. What were the consequences, and how did it affect your sense of self-worth?
2. Think about a relationship in your life that feels unbalanced. What are the dynamics at play, and how does it impact your emotional well-being?
3. Write about a time when you felt anxious about someone else's approval. What were you afraid of, and how did it influence your actions?
4. Consider your boundaries. Are there any relationships where your boundaries are often crossed? How can you reinforce them more effectively?

Prior episode on codependency:  Episode 7 "Lets talk codependency"

4o

When a loved one struggles with addiction, the question of intervention often arises—but how do you know what approach is best? In this episode, we sit down with Chuck Montante, a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor and Licensed Mental Health Counselor, to explore the differences between open and closed interventions. We discuss what makes each approach effective, common pitfalls to avoid, and how families can prepare for these difficult but necessary conversations. Whether you're considering an intervention or simply want to understand the process better, this episode offers expert insight and practical advice.

Chuck Montante: 585 473-1500 Westfall Associates Rochester NY

Books Mentioned:

Dreamland: The True Tale of America's Opiate Epidemic by Sam Quinones

In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate

Intervention Messages Worksheet:

1. Your observation of their beghavior.

2. Your feelings about what you have seen.

3. How things could be different. (The message of hope.)

4. Your "bottom line". What you intend to do if they do not address the problem.

In this episode, we explore the powerful tool of tapping, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), to help you find calm amidst the challenges of loving someone with addiction. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck in a cycle of worry, tapping can provide a simple and effective way to release stress and bring yourself back to center. We’ll walk through how tapping works, why it’s especially helpful for those navigating the complexities of addiction in their relationships, and practical steps to get started today. Tune in and discover how this gentle technique can empower you to take care of yourself, no matter what chaos surrounds you.

Book:
The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner

Enabling is a common yet often misunderstood behavior among the loved ones of addicts. In this episode, we dive into what enabling looks like, why it happens, and how it impacts both the addict and their family or friends. Through personal stories, insights, and practical tips, we’ll explore how to recognize enabling behaviors and shift toward healthier ways of offering support without sacrificing your well-being. Whether you're just beginning to understand this dynamic or looking for new strategies, this episode offers a compassionate and empowering perspective.

In this episode, we explore the transformative power of positive reinforcement when supporting a loved one with addiction. Learn how small affirmations, encouragement, and focusing on progress—no matter how small—can foster trust, promote change, and strengthen your relationship. We’ll discuss practical tips, and real-life examples. Tune in to discover how positivity can be a powerful tool in your journey toward healing and hope.

In this heartfelt and inspiring episode, we sit down with Kathy, a woman whose journey through Al-Anon has transformed her life and relationships. She shares her story of finding hope, rediscovering herself, and learning how to navigate life with grace and resilience. Through her candid experiences, listeners will hear how Al-Anon has helped her heal, set healthy boundaries, and embrace meaningful connections. Whether you're new to recovery or seeking encouragement, this episode is a beacon of hope and a reminder that change is possible.

reference to episode: 
Season 1 episode 22-Help That is Out There

As the year comes to a close, it's the perfect time to reflect on your journey and set yourself up for success in the months ahead. In this episode, we explore the power of looking back to move forward, unpack the SMART goal framework, and share practical tips for crafting goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Whether you're focused on personal growth, relationships, or professional milestones, this episode will help you turn your reflections into a clear roadmap for the year to come

As another year comes to a close, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on the different areas of your life—relationships, work, health, personal growth, and more. In this episode, we’ll work through a holistic year-end review and a way to evaluate what’s working, what’s not, and where you can find more balance. Join in for a thoughtful conversation on celebrating your wins, learning from challenges, and setting meaningful intentions for the year ahead. It’s all about closing the year with clarity and starting the next with purpose.

Various areas to consider:
Physical Health               
Mental Wellbeing
Surroundings/Environment
Hobbies/Joy
Romance
Friends/Family
Finances
Purpose/Career
Spirituality
Personal Growth

In this episode, we explore Step 12 from the Al-Anon perspective: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” What does it mean to experience a spiritual awakening, and how do we share our recovery journey with others without becoming preachy or overbearing? We'll discuss practical ways to live out Step 12, offer insights into spreading hope and support to others, and reflect on the power of service in strengthening our own recovery. Whether you're new to the program or a seasoned member, this conversation will inspire you to embrace Step 12 in your everyday life.

Questions from Paths to recovery:
*Have I experienced a spiritual awakening(s)?describe.
*In what ways do I downplay my spiritual growth? What can help me to acknowledge it?
*What have I received from Al-Anon that I would most like to share?
*What are the different ways I can carr this message to others?
*Did I see a friendly face early in my recovery? What can I do to be a friendly face to someone else?
*What is the difference between carrying the message and giving advice?
*When trying to carry the message, what have I experienced?
*How can I recognize a cry for help without meddling in other people's affair?
*How can I best carry the message to my family members, especially those who resist the ideas?
*How can I practice these principles in my financial affairs? Is my job merel a means of earning money or an opportunity to practice my recovery?
*What does the twelth step say to me about al-anon service work?
*What part has service to al-anon played in my recovery?
*What would change if I viewed service as my goal in every area of my life?
*What are "these principles"?
*How can I apply them in y daily life?
*In what areas of my life do I need to start practicing these principles?What can I do this week to make a beginning?
*How am I living the message of the program?
*How am I a good example of al-anon recovery?

In this episode, we dive into the idea that addiction goes beyond substances like drugs and alcohol. From social media scrolling to shopping sprees, binge-watching shows to overworking, we all grapple with behaviors rooted in overconsumption. Why do we crave 'more,' and how can we recognize when it becomes unhealthy? We'll explore the psychological and societal factors that fuel these habits and discuss ways to find balance and mindfulness in a world that constantly pushes us to consume. Whether it’s a little or a lot, we all have our struggles—let’s unpack them together.

The holiday season can be a time of joy and connection, but for those with loved ones struggling with substance abuse, it often brings unique challenges. In this episode, we discuss practical strategies to protect your own peace and well-being during family gatherings. We’ll explore setting healthy boundaries, managing expectations, and finding support to navigate difficult emotions and situations. Whether it’s handling unpredictable behaviors, dealing with disappointment, or balancing self-care with family obligations, this episode offers guidance to help you approach the holidays with resilience, compassion, and confidence.

Join us as we explore Step 11: 'Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.' In this episode, we dive deep into the role of spirituality in the healing journey, how to connect with a higher power in personal ways, and the transformative impact of prayer and meditation on our thoughts and actions. We’ll discuss practical approaches to building a spiritual routine, finding peace, and discovering guidance beyond ourselves to face life’s challenges with clarity and calm."

This description highlights both the spiritual and practical aspects that make Step 11 so meaningful to Al-Anon members. 

In this episode, we explore a simple, compassionate guide to starting a prayer and meditation practice. When someone close to you struggles with substance abuse, feelings of helplessness, stress, and even anger can be overwhelming. Prayer and meditation can be powerful tools for grounding yourself and finding inner peace. We’ll explore basic techniques for quieting the mind, connecting with your spiritual beliefs, and creating a daily practice that helps you feel more centered and supported. Join us to learn how these practices can help you find strength, hope, resilience and maybe even a miracle!

In this episode, we sit down with Jacquelin, who shares her powerful story of growing up in a household affected by alcohol use disorder. Jacquelin opens up about the impact it had on her and the resilience she built along the way. Now, as an advocate for recovery, Jacquelin works with a nonprofit organization that combines fitness and community support to help others heal. Join us as we explore her journey, the struggles of coping with addiction in the family, and how she's found purpose in empowering others through wellness and recovery.

*ROCovery Fitness website link
https://www.rocoveryfitness.org/

Books Mentioned
Courage to Change  by Al-Anon Family Groups
Intimacy In Alcoholic Relationships A collection of Al-Anon Personal Stories by
Al-Anon Family Groups

In this episode, we explore the complex issue of control when dealing with a loved one struggling with addiction. It's easy to feel helpless, and sometimes, controlling their actions seems like the only way to protect them—and yourself. But is it really helping, or is it just adding to the chaos? We'll discuss the pitfalls of being overly controlling, how it can damage your relationship, and practical steps to shift towards healthier boundaries and self-care. Join us as we dive into how letting go of control might be the most empowering step you can take in your journey of supporting a loved one.

In this episode, we explore the impact of emotional hangovers on those who love someone struggling with addiction. These emotional hangovers—feelings of overwhelm, guilt, or anxiety that persist long after a crisis has passed—can take a serious toll on your mental and physical well-being. We discuss how to recognize the signs, unpack the emotional toll of constantly being on edge, and offer strategies for healing and self-care. Whether you're a partner, parent, or close friend of an addict, this episode offers insights on how to break free from emotional exhaustion and reclaim your peace.

In this episode, we focus on Step 10 of Al-Anon’s 12 Steps: 'Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.' We discuss how this vital step encourages ongoing self-reflection, honesty, and growth in the journey of recovery. Learn how taking daily inventory helps maintain emotional clarity, improves relationships, and fosters accountability. Whether you're supporting a loved one struggling with addiction or working on your own recovery, this episode offers practical insights on using Step 10 to cultivate a life of balance and serenity.

4o

 In this powerful episode, I sit down with Tom, a former addict who has transformed his life through recovery and is involved in both Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Al-Anon. He shares his inspiring journey from the depths of addiction to finding hope and healing, offering valuable insights on the power of community, the importance of self-awareness, and how these programs can guide both addicts and their loved ones toward recovery. Whether you're struggling with addiction or supporting someone who is, this interview provides hope, practical advice and a message of resilience.

Books:
No Mud, No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran

Hello and thank you for tuning in this week.  This episode is a bit introspective as I reflect on my Grandaughter, Ocean.  I have been thinking about the family chains of addiction which led me down some unusual and eye opening paths.  This episode is filled with a lot of intriguing information.  I am a research nerd, and love to explore addiction from all angles.  I hope you will join and just maybe you will ask yourself some questions by the end of this episode.

*Dr. Bruce Alexander author of:  The Globalization of Addiction: A Study in  Poverty of Spirit

In this episode, we explore the unexpected yet powerful role that laughter and smiling can play in coping with the challenges of loving someone with an addiction. While addiction brings immense stress and emotional pain, we dive into how moments of genuine joy can provide relief, foster resilience, and strengthen relationships. Join us as we discuss the science behind laughter, share personal stories of finding humor in the darkest times, and offer practical tips for embracing joy as a vital part of the healing journey.

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person struggling with it; it creates a ripple effect that impacts everyone around them. One of the most challenging emotions loved ones face is ambiguous grief—the pain of losing someone who is still physically present but emotionally distant. In this episode, we explore the unique and often overlooked experience of grieving an addicted loved one. We discuss how to cope with the uncertainty, the emotional toll of loving someone who seems lost to addiction, and ways to navigate this complex and painful journey. Whether you’re a family member, friend, or partner of someone battling addiction, this episode provides insight, validation, and support for those experiencing this silent sorrow.

In this episode, we explore the transformative power of Step 9 in Al-Anon: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." We delve into the emotional and spiritual journey of making amends, discussing the challenges, fears, and rewards that come with this crucial step. Our conversation offers insights into how to approach amends with sincerity and humility, and how this step can lead to healing and stronger relationships. Whether you're currently working through the steps or supporting a loved one, this episode provides valuable guidance on embracing the process of making amends.
Some Questions to reflect on from Paths to Recovery:
* Which people on my list do I need to make direct amends to first? What's stopping me?
*What is the difference between an apology and making amends? Which amends will be best done by changes in my behavior?
*What amends am I putting off and why?
*Who on my amends list will never be available for direct amends? Can I make amends in another way?Can I do something for another person?
*What harm have I done to my children or immediate family? can I make some amends by respecting them now as adults?
*How can I forgive myself for all the difficulties I've caused myself? Wat can I do this week to begin my amends to myself?
*When I have finished this action step, what can I do to celebrate? Have I remembered to appreciate and reward my good deeds? The good deeds of others?

So often when we have someone who suffers with addiction in our world, our lives become stress filled and our own health may slip. In  this episode, I talk with Carole- a seasoned health coach who specializes in helping people lead healthier, less stressful lives through small, actionable steps.  From easy-to-implement daily habits to mindset shifts that promote well-being, she shares her insights on how to reduce stress and improve overall health without overhauling your entire lifestyle. Whether you're looking to make a big change or simply want to feel a little better each day, this conversation is packed with practical advice that you can start using right away.
Recipe:
Epsom Salt Bath:
3 C. epsom salt
1 C. baking soda
1.5 tsp avocado oil or olive oil
10 drops peppermint oil, 10 drops lavender oil, 5 drops cinnamon, rosemary and eucalyptus oil
Mix well and store in airtight containers
To connect with Carol:
 https://www.facebook.com/CaroleNierHealthHappinessProsperity/

In this episode, we dive into the shadowy corners of the mind that often emerge when you have a loved one struggling with addiction. We’ll explore the difficult and sometimes taboo thoughts that arise—guilt, resentment, fear, and even anger. These feelings are often left unspoken, yet they can be overwhelming and isolating. Join us as we confront these dark emotions head-on, offering insights, understanding, and ways to navigate through the turmoil with compassion for both yourself and your loved one

Loving someone who struggles with addiction can be an overwhelming and heartbreaking journey. In this episode, we explore the dangerous pitfall of self-pity that often accompanies this experience. While it’s natural to feel sadness and frustration, getting stuck in self-pity can drain your emotional resources and keep you from effectively supporting your loved one—or yourself. We discuss the subtle ways self-pity can creep in, the toll it takes on your mental health, and how it can hinder your ability to cope and heal. Most importantly, I offer practical advice on how to shift from self-pity to some more constructive and healthier ways to cope. This episode will help you reclaim your strength, find balance, and move forward with a healthier mindset.

Hello, so happy you are listening to How to Cope With the Dope.  In this episode, we explore Step 8 of the 12 Steps of Al-Anon, a crucial part of the journey toward healing and recovery. Step 8 asks us to make a list of all persons we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them. We'll dive into what this step truly means, how to approach it with honesty and courage, and the importance of self-forgiveness during the process. Whether you're struggling with this step or seeking to deepen your understanding, join us as we discuss practical insights, share personal experiences, and offer encouragement for this transformative phase of recovery.

In this illuminating episode, I welcome Craig Johnson, a dedicated mental health therapist with extensive experience in addiction treatment and recovery. If you have a loved one grappling with addiction, this episode is for you.

Today on How to Cope with the Dope, I  sit down with Craig Johnson  to delve into the complexities of addiction and offer compassionate, professional advice tailored specifically for the loved ones of addicts. Through this insightful conversation, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of addiction, learn how to provide effective support, and discover ways to maintain your own mental health and well-being.
A few key topics are:
*The changing landscape of addiction today.
*Cannabis: we discuss all aspects of this drug and gain clarity on how it truly affects us.
*How parents may know that their child is having a problem with substance abuse and what they can do.

Podcasts/Books mentioned:
Dr. Anna Lembke-Dopamine Nation 
Huberman Lab -a podcast that discusses neuroscience.

Craig Johnson: Licensed Mental Health Counselor LMHC, CASAC-G 
contact info:
Mind Evolution-585 325-7748

In this episode, we dive into the fascinating concept of the Drama Triangle, a powerful model that reveals the roles we play in conflict situations and how these roles can trap us in cycles of negativity. Created by Dr. Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle identifies three primary roles: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.  I believe this cycle can easily develop when we are interacting with the addict in our life.  Stay tuned to see if you can relate, and if so, some strategies to help you find your way out of the bermuda triangle of emotions.

In this quick yet impactful episode, we dive into the transformative power of forgiveness. Learn how letting go of grudges and past hurts can lead to emotional freedom, improved relationships, better health, and personal growth. Whether you're struggling to forgive someone else or yourself, I will provide practical tips and insights to help you on your journey. Tune in for a dose of inspiration and discover the healing potential of forgiveness.

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." This crucial step is all about humility, self-awareness, and the courage to seek personal transformation. This episode is packed with wisdom and inspiration to help you on your path to serenity and self-improvement. Tune in and discover how humbly asking for change can lead to profound personal growth and a more fulfilling life.

On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining humility:

“Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble.
It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore;
to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing
done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises
me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a
blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the
door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace,
as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about
is seeming trouble.” 
by Andrew Murray

references to podcast episode 23 on humility and  18 on slogans.

Some Questions to review from Paths to Recovery:
*What does humility me?d List people I know who possess this trait,
*How am I humble?What can help me be more so?
*What old behaviors get in the way of my being humble?
*What defects am I ready to have removed?
*Do I believe that my Higher Power can rid me of my defects?How do I know this?
*How do I humble ask God to take away my shortomings?
*Which shortcoming is causing me the most trouble right now? What benefits do I get from it?What problems does it cause?
*What can I do this week to practice a positive trait?
*Have I had any fears removed from my life? Which ones?
*What slogans could remind me to find a substitute for a negative behavior I wish to release?
*Am I able to laugh fondly at my mistakes and not be devastated when I am not perfect? Can I love and celebrate my humanness while working for balance?
*As I work Step 7 do I se4e a change in my relationship with my Higher Power?

Welcome to another episode of How To Cope With the Dope, where we explore the qualities that shape our character and influence the relationships we have with our loved ones-especially the ones who struggle with addiction. Today, we're diving  into a trait that's often overlooked but incredibly powerful: humility.

Humility is more than just modesty; it's a genuine awareness of our limitations and an openness to learning from others. It's the quiet strength that allows us to listen, grow, and connect on a deeper level with those around us. In a world where confidence and assertiveness are often celebrated, humility provides a refreshing counterbalance, reminding us that there's always more to understand and room to improve.

In this episode, we'll be discussing humility and how it may be impacting your relationship with the addict in your life, and ways to improve our humility "muscle".

So sit back, relax, and let's explore the profound impact of humility together.


*Trading Places Worksheet:

https://positive.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Trading-Places-Worksheet.pdf

Sometimes we meet people who just seem to have exactly what we need-Deb is one of those to me.  She is a fearless searcher, teacher, author and always seems to be up for a challenge.  Humble, soft spoken and kind, you would never know any of this about Deb, however, she is willing to share with untethered ego and so much eloquence.   I think you will enjoy this episode of How to Cope with the Dope.

Books that Deb has written:

Happiness Abounds: A Spiritual Journey

Verisimilitude: Acting to Recharge Our Experiences

Magnitude: Varying Our Degree of Learning

Verdant: The Greening of Your Prosperity

Pinnacle: The Resolve to Succeed

Groundswell: The Making of You

Counterpoint and Continuum

Books in the series also have accompanying published "Learning Companions" to support deeper reflection and/or group study.

Deborah's website is www.Simplebeautifulphilosophy.com


Books mentioned:

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
The Book of Joy : Lasting Happiness In A Changing World  by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks

In this episode of How to Cope With The Dope I will be discussing several groups that  offer help for those who have a loved one who struggles with addiction.  The wonderful news is that most of these programs are free-...ya don't hear that too often these days!  I talk about what are some of the pros and cons of group fellowship and what program may be best suited for your needs.  Finally, I will talk a little about therapy and where to find a therapist tailored to your needs.  Hope you enjoy this informational episode.

Programs Mentioned:
Al-Anon https://al-anon.org/
Al-Ateen. 
SMART Recovery
Families Anonymous
PAL
CoDependents Anonymous
GRASP
Learn To Cope
Psychology Today
Talk Space
Better Help

Welcome to another transformative episode of How To Cope With The Dope, dedicated to helping you live your best life while loving someone who struggles with addiction. Today, we embark on Step 6  in our journey towards personal growth and serenity.   This step focuses on personal readiness and willingness to let go of character defects or negative aspects of oneself that have been identified through the earlier steps. It emphasizes the importance of being prepared and open to change, trusting in a higher power (referred to as God in the traditional 12-step framework) to assist in the process of transformation.

In practical terms, Step 6 involves introspection and acceptance of one's shortcomings, acknowledging the need for personal growth and improvement. It marks a crucial stage where individuals confront their own limitations and commit to the idea of spiritual and moral progress with the help of a higher power.

Welcome back to How To Cope With The Dope, where we confront the complexities of loving an addict head-on. In this episode, we're shining a light on a powerful emotion that often accompanies the journey of both the addict and their loved ones: fear. From the gripping fear of relapse to the paralyzing fear of the unknown, we'll navigate through the turbulent waters of addiction, gaining insight along the way.  Join me and explore how fear is often steering our life when we love an addict. Discover some strategies to help keep fear at bay and, yes, even conquer fear. Listen and be  guided  through the shadows of fear on the path to healing.

Fear Setting Exercise:
List your What If.....(this would be the thing you are putting off or is causing you angst)

Make 3 columns with Define in the first column, Prevent in the second and Repair in the third. 
 Define the things that could go wrong.
List what you could do to Prevent each bullet in the Define column.  
List what you could do to remedy things if the worst things actually happened in the  Repair column.
On a second page List what may be benefits of success or even partial success.
On a 3rd page list the cost of inaction.  Look out 6 months, a year, 5 years etc. and visualize what your life may look like if you don't do anything.

Join me as I chat with Linda, a beacon of resilience and strength, as she shares her extraordinary journey of navigating several decades with a spouse battling alcoholism. In this poignant episode, Linda candidly reveals the trials, triumphs, and the arduous path towards self-discovery and healing.  Through her trials she discovers her own path of recovery and begins to unearth more about herself.  Over time she realizes the big choice she is faced with.  Linda shares what she continues to do each day on this journey of self awareness. 

Books Mentioned:
From Survival to Recovery   by Al-Anon family groups
Under the Influence by James Milam Ph.D.and Katherine Ketcham

Slogans and Acronyms have been used in programs for many years.  They are simple and effective tools that help us when we are in a challenging situation or ruminating on a problem.  These often quirky sayings are sometimes the quick shot in the arm we need to regain our balance and stay on track in our own recovery.  I hope that you will take the time to make a list of your top sayings and slogans...you may find yourself turning to them more often than think! 
**I also inadvertently used an alliteration instead of a acronym in my number 5 acronym spot...sorry.

Al-anon Slogans:
How Important Is It                                      Listen and Learn
Easy Does It                                                      Together We can Make It
Keep an Open Mind                                      Keep It Simple
Think                                                                      First Things First
Progress Not Perfection                             Let It Begin With Me
Keep Coming Back                                         Just For Today
But For the Grace of God                            Let Go and Let God
One Day at A Time                                          Live and Let Live

Acronyms:

HOPE: | Happy Our Program Exists
HALT: | Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
DETACH: | Don't. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.
FEAR: | False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.
THINK: | is it...? Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.
STEPS: | Solutions. To. Every. Problem
NUTS: | Not. Using. The. Steps
QTIP: | Quit. Taking. It. Personally
​LOVE: | Let. Others. Voluntarily. Evolve
HOW:​ | Honest. Open. Willing.

Step 5 of the 12 steps of AA and Al-Anon is all about having trust-in God, in yourself and in someone else.  

This episode discusses the very talked about concept of detachment; what it is, what it is not and  some strategies to help you begin detaching with love.  


check out previous episode 4 on boundaries.

Listen to this interesting interview with Billy; a self professed "double-winner".  I met Billy in the Al-Anon program and when I heard his story I was blown away.  As a former addict; Billy has an insightful perspective.  I am amazed at his backstory and all the trials and tribulations he went through.  The best part is he came through and is thriving and happy.  As a mother, I am filled with so much hope and inspiration when I listen to Billy.  Enjoy his story from both sides of the AA and Al-Anon program. 

Books Mentioned:
Courage to Change- by Al-Anon family groups
Keep It Simple    -Hazelden Meditations
3 Words That Will Change Your Life by Mike Novotny
Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch
12 Laws of the Universe by Manhardeep Singh
The Soldiers Truth by Ernie Pyle
The Joshua Books by Joseph Girzone, first one is called Joshua A Parable for Today

Billy also mentioned that he enjoys Biographies-Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton and Bruce Springsteen

In this episode we look at our bodies reaction to stress and how to quickly and efficiently diffuse it.  This quick tip episode can be used anytime and anywhere.

It can be an emotional rollercoaster when we love someone with addiction.  In this episode we  learn about the emotional scale and how to climb it when we are lingering at the bottom (ie-fear, despair, powerlessness).  We touch on other things that impact our emotional state and how moods and personality traits can develop.  This informative episode may inspire you to pay closer attention to your feelings and chart a course to reach for higher feelings.

The emotional scale:

1.   Joy / Knowledge / Empowerment / Freedom / Love / Appreciation 
2.  Passion 
3.   Enthusiasm / Eagerness / Happiness 
4.   Positive Expectation / Belief 
5.  Optimism 
6.   Hopefulness 
7.   Contentment 
8.   Boredom 
9.  Pessimism 
10.   Frustration/Irritation/Impatience 
11.   Overwhelment 
12.   Disappointment 
13.   Doubt 
14.   Worry 
15.   Blame 
16.   Discouragement 
17.   Anger 
18.   Revenge 
19.  Hatred / Rage 
20.   Jealousy 
21.  Insecurity / Guilt / Unworthiness 
22.   Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness 

What we focus our attention on grows!

Philippians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Step 4 of the AA and Al-Anon program is all about taking a personal inventory.  This episode is an overview of the step and how to work it.  We learn how this step is about healing resentments, outgrowing our fears and creating a new map with our Higher Power. 

Books Mentioned:

Blueprint For Progress Al-Anon's 4th Step Iventory- by Al-Anon Family Groups
Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

List of Columns to work Resentment and Fear Inventory
1. Name the person, place or institution you have a grudge/resentment towards.
2.  What Happened
3. My Part/it effects my ..(self esteem, pride,finances, emotional security, ambitions, personal relationships, sexual relationships)
4.  Name the fear around how it effects you.
5.  Why am I afraid
6.  Has self reliance failed me(how I managed the problem..yelling, gossip, manipulation, deception etc.)
7.How would God have me be-The prayer you will create.  How would God have me be, what would he have me believe or do.  

Have you been angry or bitter about how your beloved  addict  has treated you?  Is the injustice of a situation replaying like a stuck record in your mind?  In this episode we discuss how to spot resentments and how they affect us.  We will talk about some ways to release resentments and keep them from stealing our joy.

Maggie shares her journey through her daughters addiction and how she was unwittingly giving for years to a situation she was unaware of.  In the al-anon program Maggie learned positive coping skills and a new way to navigate her relationship with her daughter.  Today Maggie is happy and thriving and her daughter is in recovery;  take a listen and feel the hope!

Books Mentioned:
The Power of Vulnerability-  Brene Brown
Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses-Al-anon Family Groups

You Tube:
Front Porch Friends- Karen Wheaton

Al-anon literature:
Detachment Brochure Download link below

https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf

Dr. Daniel Amen is the author of the bestseller Change Your Brain Change Your Life.  His groundbreaking study of the human mind has helped many people.  One of the therapies he uses with his clients is ANT therapy.  In this episode we discuss ANT Therapy and how we can exterminate negative thoughts.  Dr. Amen is a physician, adult and child psychiatrist and the founder of the Amen clinics; with over 10 locations across the US. 
If negative thoughts are pervasive in your life, you won't want to miss this episode.

https://drmanyahelman.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ANT-Therapy-and-CBT-worksheets.pdf

Today we will be talking about step 3 of the 12 steps of AA and Alanon "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of  God as we understood Him."  We will discuss what it means to turn our will and lives over and some help on how to do this.  I will give some action steps you may try to aid in working this step.

Books  mentioned:
Paths to Recovery  Al-Anons steps, Traditions and concepts by Al-Anon family groups
Alcoholics Anonymous (known as the big book of AA) by Bill Wilson and Henry Parkhurst

Action Steps:
*take note for 3-7 days each time you are jumping into fix, rescue, correct or save another person.
*Take a PAUSE before you take action relative to the person you are trying to help.
*Give your will over to your higher power-Create a prayer/meditation journal, God Box or list of your prayers.
*Create your own prayer for the 3rd step. Or use the one below :)
The 3rd Step Prayer:
God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties , that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of  Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!

Some additional questions from Paths to Recovery:
*How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
*Am I willing to turn my problems over?What could help me to be willing ?
*Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?
*What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
*How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
*What can I do when a loved one makes decisions I don't like?
*What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
*How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
*How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the addict/alcoholic?

Codependency is a term that became popular with the AA and Alanon program back in the 1950's and 1960's.  In this episode I will talk about what codependency is and what empathy is as they may seem similar but there is a big difference.  I will share some hallmarks of codependency and some ways to build healthier relationships and effective self-care strategies.

Books mentioned:
Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie

Attachment Styles Article:
https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships

In this interview episode Nick shares how his life transformed when he regained his values and self respect.  Little hinges often swing big doors and Nick tells how taking a pause has had wonderful results in his life.   He shares stories, books and things he does in everyday life to thrive.

Books mentioned:
Love Must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson
Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses  by al-anon family groups
Facing Co-Dependency by Pia Melody
One Day at A Time  by al-anon family groups
Courage to Change by al-anon family groups
Hope for Today  byal-anon family groups   
 

Today we will be diving into step 2 of the 12 steps.  Often the first steps can be the most difficult to accept and come to terms with.  We will break down this step and look at some questions that may help you digest this step. 

Paths to Recovery -Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts is the book that I refrenced.
Questions to reflect on:
*What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
*What would it take for my concept of my Higher Power to change?
*Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power?and if so, How?
*What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
*Do I sense spiritual guidance in life?How?
*What does let go and let God mean to me?
*What does faith mean to me?
*With whom and in what circumstances and I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
*What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
*What does sanity mean to me?
*How has the addict situation affected my sanity?
*Have I allowed the addict situation to become my Higher Power?How?
*How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the addicts behavior?
*When have I done the same thing over and over and expected different experiences?

In this episode I will discuss boundaries, why we need them and why we may struggle creating them.  You may finish this episode feeling inspired to reflect on your boundaries and maybe even coming up with some new ones moving forward.  

Questions to think about:
*Who do I struggle to set boundaries with ?
*What am I afraid will happen if I set boundaries with this person?
*How would I feel if I established healthy boundaries with this person?
*How do I think the other person will react to these boundaries?
*An affirmation that gives me courage.

Jumping into the proverbial boxing ring with someone under the influence is an act of futility.  Listen to this quick tip episode and see what a better alternative may be.


If you are a victim of  domestic violence please get help.
*the  National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233

Today is my first interview episode with Jackie, a friend I met in the Alanon program.  Jackie shares how her husbands alcoholism became a path to self awareness and growth.   
 Jackie also shares some daily habits, books and resources that have helped her to flourish and grow throughout her journey.

The Books Mentioned Today:
The 3 daily readers are Alanon books by Alanon Family Group Head Inc.
One Day At a Time
Courage to Change
Hope For Today

Under the Influence  by James Milam Ph.D. and Katherine Ketcham

Today we are going to take a look at step one of the 12 steps of AA and Alanon; yes, they are the same for both programs.  Using insight from the "Paths to Recovery" book and personal experience I will discuss step one in detail.  We explore some thought provoking questions which will help get us thinking about our habits and behaviors. Perhaps you will be able to relate to some of my experiences.  I have linked some questions for you to work through on your own.  I truly hope that you will have a few a-ha moments.  

This brief introduction is just a quick hello and birds eye view of what this podcast is all about.