Things are moving over to Substack, where I have recently launched be.wild.er - a new project that will combine writing and podcasting. You can sign up for be.wild.er here. You should also be able to find the podcast in the normal places by searching for be.wild.er with Greg Flynn.

I hope you'll come and join me!

Credits: 🎶 by Viacheslav Starostin at Pixabay

I’d been waiting to finish the trilogy of episodes that Jordan and I had started (Check out ‘Why Do Men Isolate?’ and ‘Why Do Men Have a Hard Time Feeling Their Feelings?’), but couldn’t wait any longer. Fear not, we’ll get to it—it’s just got a timeline of its own.

So I thought I’d talk a bit about practice, something near and dear to my heart. Afterall, we are all practicing something.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you. You can always drop a line to me at greg@gregorybflynn.

Cheers!

Some links for things mentioned on the episode:

• The Emerald - The Revolution Will Not Be Psychologized

Go check out seattlemenscircle.com for information on our upcoming online circles.

In this episode we explore some of the reasons it can be tricky for men to tap into their feelings—and why it’s increasingly more important that we learn how to.

We talk about how men are conditioned into the strategy of self-control, and what the antidote to that is.

And we talk about the value of a men’s circle in supporting men in feeling their feelings.

Please share this episode with anyone you think would find value in it. And subscribe to the podcast! That helps a ton.

Have thoughts, questions, or just want to connect? You can reach me at greg@gregorybflynn.com.

Some stuff’s been on my mind, and I thought I’d share with you.

Let me know how it lands for you.

You can always reach me at greg@gregorybflynn.com

Some links for things mentioned in this episode:

• The Wild Edge of Sorrow, by Francis Weller - a wonderful book the supports us in re-connecting to age-old practices around grief.
• The Smell of Rain on Dust, by Martín Prechtal - another fantastic book on grief. Turns out the subtitle was more direct than I’d realized! :-)

One of the things I pretty much always invite guys to do is to feel what’s happening in their bodies. The sensations that are happening in our bodies are pretty much always telling us something. How much access do we have to them?

We’re not talking about emotions just yet—just the sensations in the body (e.g. tightness in my stomach, warmth on my face).

What do you notice when you listen to this one? What happens for you when you hear the invitation to feel?

I’d love to learn what’s happening for you.

Some links for things mentioned on this episode:

• Washington Park Arboretum - a lovely park here in Seattle. So lovely I proposed to my wife there about 10.5 years ago (!).
• Our six-week training for guys - the program Jordan and I are offering right now. Look good? It’s gonna be even better this fall. Let me know if you might be interested.

• Detoxicity Episode featuring me - I really enjoyed being on Mike’s pod!
• Patrice Palmer TEDx Talk - It’s in this talk that I heard Patrice Palmer say, “There is a difference between you are welcome here and I had you in mind.” Worth watching the whole thing.
• The Bind Episode with Weston Karnes - Mike’s theory on how we connected lies with Weston.
• Let’s Get Real, Bro - Weston’s game for men.

If you’re a guy who isn’t quite ready to take the step of joining a men’s group or getting into coaching, this is the thing for you.

📆 10 days
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• Seattle Men's Circle fourth Monday, next Mon, 5/22
• Our six week training - starts Tues, 5/23
• Ep. 5 of The Bind - Naming that out loud (A conversation with Jordan Guido Ferretti) - Jordan is who I co-facilitate with.

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So, I decided to write down some questions. Questions that I could respond to, but that I could invite you into.

So, yeah, this episode is different.

I’d love to hear your responses to the questions. Please drop me a line at greg@gregorybflynn.com or on IG: @men.connecting.

One for the Seattle guys:

Jordan Ferretti and I are launching our new 6-week cohort training for men. It’s for men who are looking to build their support network.

In it you’ll learn the skills and strategies you need to be part of a team of men who have your back.

Check it out here.

Some links for things mentioned in this episode:

• Rick Rubin and Andy Cohen in conversation
• Leonard Cohen - don’t know his music? Hit any of these videos and be transported.
• Men Connecting - My ongoing men’s group. Know a guy who’s interested? It’s open for a limited time.
• Illusions, by Richard Bach - this was a formative book for me. Not sure how it holds up, but man did it impact me.

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• Men Healing Video Resource Library - there are tons of videos here, including stories of survivors to help you see that you're not alone.
• Reframing Trauma - Men Healing's video on reframing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to Injury. 
• Men Healing on Instagram
• Men Healing on Twitter
• Men Healing on Facebook
• Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah - Jim mentioned the work MH is doing with this great non-profit. Human survivors supporting animal survivors.

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If you’re a guy who isn’t quite ready to take the step of joining a men’s group or getting into coaching, this is the thing for you.

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Some links for things mentioned in this episode:

• Seattle Men's Circle MeetUp Group - in the area? Come and join us!

Efraín brings in a part of the discussion that can often remain at the edges: how has the gender binary itself shaped (and harmed) us?

A couple of the questions that we broach here: As men, what can we learn from our gender-non-conforming friends? How can we learn to expand our definitions of what’s possible for us by looking at the way those who live outside of the gender binary for inspiration?

There’s a lot more as well.

How does this land in you? What happens in your body when you hear this episode? Please let me know!

You can always reach me at greg@gregorybflynn.com. Also on Instagram: @men.connecting (DMs are open)

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Some links for things mentioned in this episode:

• Efraín Gutiérrez on LinkedIn - connect with and track Efraín here.
• Bayo Akomolafe - A remarkable teacher that both of us follow closely.
• bell hooks - If you haven’t read any of hooks' work before, you should. I especially recommend The Will to Change for listeners of this podcast.
• Sophie Strand - Writer, poet, and speaker, Sophie’s take on the myths of the masculine are remarkable.
• Octavia Butler - Black science fiction writer. Her work points us toward ways that we can work with our race and patriarchal material.
• Carol Gilligan - Feminist author and researcher. Her work has a huge impact on understanding the ways that conventional masculinity harms all of us.
• Alok - Trans, non-binary performer, educator, and activist. Alok has become a sort of spiritual teacher for both of us. I recommend their interview on the Man Enough Podcast
• Francis Weller - Writer and teacher who works with grief. His book The Wild Edge of Sorrow is a wonderful entry point for looking at grief as a practice.
• Martín Prechtel - Another teacher who works with grief. If you want to go a bit deeper, check out his book The Smell of Rain on Dust.

I’ve mentioned in the past that my friend Christian invited me to join him at the his inaugural event–an event that will be held quarterly on the Equinox or Solstice–to share my work and weave in some of his poetry.

We had a great conversation. _And _I have to say, I was blown away that it was an audience of basically just men. It was really wonderful.

Christian shares a wonderful and touching story about an experience he’d just had. It was quite moving.

I’ve edited out the two places where we asked the men in the room to have a conversation either among themselves or with us. Otherwise, you get every minute!

As always, I’d love to hear how this lands for you. Please email me at greg@gregorybflynn.com

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Some links!

• Christian’s Website - you can learn more about Christian and his writing here.
• Christian’s Hypnosis Practice - Christian provides a suite of services to support folks at his office in West Seattle.
• The Flowering Wand by Sophie Strand - A beautiful book that looks at the ways we might consider re-shaping masculinity in our world.
• Man Park by Saturday Night Live - it’s funny because it’s true!

Not try to change it. Not try to “fix” it. Not try to get over it.

Just feel it.

It’s a skill I’ve been working on for years. I’ve still got a ways to go.

And it’s one of the most important things we can learn to do. I think, anyway.

How about you? How is it for you? Let me know! You can always reach me at greg@gregorybflynn.com

I’d love to hear from you.

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Some links from things mentioned in this episode:

Bright-Sided by Barbara Ehrenreich - It’s all in the sub-headline: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America.

Jeff Perera on The Bind) - this was a great conversation. The link, btw, is for Apple Podcasts. You can easily find this episode in whatever podcast app you’re using.

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

That’s where I went in this episode. First, however, I had to pay tribute to the fact that I’m hitting the three year anniversary of starting the men’s group that got all of this (points wildly around here inside The Bind) going. It was an impulse at the beginning of the pandemic, and it led me to this moment.

The group is meeting for the first time in person, and we have had a lot of conversations about what it means to come off of Zoom and into the ‘real’ world. As part of that, we discussed how we navigate rejection, among other things.

So, how about you? How does rejection land in you? How do you experience it? What are the ways you come back from it? Who helps you?

I’d love to hear! Drop me a note at greg@gregorybflynn.com

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Some links for things mentioned in the episode:

Gabor Mate on what trauma is

Sam Obisanya turns down Edwin Akufo’s offer - Ted Lasso, Season Two

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

There are some things in here that I’ve been wanting to say for a while, but haven’t quite been sure how to. There’s a lot more to unpack about it for sure. For now, I wanted to respond to the question (asked of me by an acquaintance), “why do you think men aren’t stepping into leadership roles in non-profits?”

In a lot of ways, this is a first draft. That said, I think it’s important to invite in the conversation about the ways that it can be (and certainly feel) tricky to be a man in the world today.

How does this one land? Have thoughts? Want to challenge something I said? I super welcome that. Shoot me an email at greg@gregorybflynn.com. You can also DM me on Instagram at @men.connecting.

—

For folks in Seattle:

My friend Christian Skoorsmith invited me to join him in an evening of exploring issues related to men and the world we can create together. It’s free! Join us!

Breaking the Man Box: An Evening with Christian Skoorsmith and Gregory Flynn 

Tuesday, 3/21, at 6:30pm 

Community of Christ Fellowship Hall 

8611 11th Ave SW, Seattle, Washington, US, 98106

—

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Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

I’ve been wanting to have Whitney on the podcast from day one. He’s a good friend, and brings a great perspective to this work. We’ve had many hours of conversations about what it is to sit in men’s circles, what it means to be a man, and the like. We’ve even co-facilitated my Understanding Whiteness program. He’s good people.

So when he told me he wanted to talk about advocating for himself—this deep learning space he’s been in—I had a feeling it’d be juicy. He brings in the personal, and the live inquiry. I really enjoyed the chat.

I hope you do too.

How’d it land for you? Let me (and Whitney) know. Shoot me a note at greg@gregorybflynn.com.

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Some links for things mentioned in the episode:

Contact Improv - Whitney mentioned this as part of his practice in getting more somatically connected to his needs.

Missoula Contact Improv - for those in the Missoula, MT area, this is a group run by Whitney and his partner JP. Check it out!

Holistic Resistance - Anti-oppression group that Whitney and I have trained with (founded by Aaron Johnson and Porsha Beed, both of whom are mentioned in the episode).

Seattle Men’s Circle - The 4th Monday men’s circle that I run with Jordan Ferretti.

Betty Martin - Developer of the Wheel of Consent.

Whitney on Instagram

Colo Design Studio - Whitney’s not quite live website.

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

We decided to just see where this conversation took us, and it went in some interesting (at least to me) directions. Most notably was the conversation about the decisions we make as boys to turn away from nurturing, caring, connecting friendships to join the pack. Who do we end up leaving behind? What do we leave behind? And what’s the ultimate impact on us?

This one got pretty personal pretty fast.

Both of us would love to hear what comes up for you when you hear this conversation. Did you have this experience? Did you witness it in others around you? How are you working with that material?

Please reach out to greg@gregorybflynn.com to let us know.

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Links for things mentioned in the episode:

Thomas Ameel on LinkedIn

Mendays - Thomas’s 8 week drop in men’s group in Portland, OR. You can get on the mailing list on this page.

Close - Belgian film that shares the story of two boys who feel the pressure to conform to what it means to be a ‘man’, and the impact that has on their friendship and their lives.

Terry Real - Family therapist who also writes and talks a lot on men’s issues. We’re not being paid to mention him. :-)

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

Makes sense that maybe we'd do that from a slightly different pace than what we typically experience, yeah?

So, today I started with actually checking in—something I pretty much always do in my groups. It felt a bit odd doing a 'one sided' check in, if I'm being honest. Maybe you can help balance it out by checking in with yourself.

As always, I'd love to hear how this lands for you. Don't hesitate to reach out and let me know.

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Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

In this episode, I chatted with a friend I made when I (admittedly a bit embarrassingly) played around with the audio app Clubhouse for a bit a few years back. Jeff Perera has been working on masculinity issues for over ten years. His analogy of the ‘ladder of masculinity’ is one of the best ways I’ve heard to describe what men in today’s world face (The guy is a master of stories and analogies).

We explore his ladder, as well as the role shame plays in it. It’s a big one.

How does this land for you? What ideas about masculinity come up for you as you listen?

As always, I’d love to hear. Shoot me an email at greg@gregorybflynn.com. I’d love to connect.

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If you’re a guy who isn’t quite ready to take the step of joining a men’s group or getting into coaching, this is the thing for you.

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Some links for things mentioned in today’s episode:

Higher Unlearning - Jeff’s website chock full of wonderful resources—from articles to videos to talks to podcasts. Check it out!

Saying ‘9 out of 10 men are good men’ feels good to ‘good men’, but is it good enough? - one of my favorite videos of Jeff’s. It’s well done and will get you thinking. Part of his “Behind the Masc” series.

Jeff on Instagram

Higher Unlearning on Instagram

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

Weston created Let’s Get Real, Bro, a game to help men step into deeper, more meaningful conversations. We explore a bit about how the game came to be, why it is that men might want (or not want) to play it, as well as some sneaky strategies to use to reduce some of the ‘risk’ involved.

And there’s more. Much more!

Let me (and Weston!) know how this lands for you. And buy a game. Link is below!

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Some links for things mentioned in the episode:

Let’s Get Real, Bro

LGRB on Instagram 

LGRB on Facebook 

LGRB on TikTok 

Men Healing - for male survivors of sexual violence

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

In the meantime, I wanted to take another look at the idea that “we are conditioned to live in tiny boxes.” What do I mean by that? And what don’t I mean?

Inspired by a bit from Sophie Strand’s brilliant book The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine, I explore a bit about how while not bad, our boxes can be limiting. There’s a lot more to life than we even realize is possible.

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Check it out here

Links for some stuff mentioned in the episode:

An excerpt of Sophie Strand’s new book: The Flowering Wand published on the Science and Non-Duality site
Sophie Strand and Bayo Akomolafe speaking on the Science and Non-Duality site
King Warrior Magician Lover by Robert Moore and Doug Gillette - This is a book that is found all over the world of “men’s work”. It holds some interesting, if deeply limiting trurths. More on this in a future episode. Welcome to Wrexham trailer - a nice documentary about two Hollywood actors buying a Welsh football club

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

I’m excited!

In this episode, I also talked about the fifth, and final, foundation of this work, and it’s one that might be surprising to some folks. That’s all I’m going to say about it here. I hope you’ll give it a listen!

Let me know how it lands for you. You know I love to hear! You can always reach me at greg@gregorybflynn.com.

Some links from stuff mentioned in the show:

The Bind Episode 5 with Jordan Guido Ferretti 

A bit about Jordan 

Let’s Get Real, Bro, a great game for men who want to dip their toe in connecting with vulnerability

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

Perhaps better put as the experience of not having a whole lot of internal space. Anyway, I shared a bit about how that works in me, and some practices that I use when I'm navigating that kind of experience (and, you can imagine, I used on the trip I was just on).

Oh, and I had a cider.

Questions? Want some support in finding some space yourself? Hit me up: greg@gregorybflynn.com

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

I get that, believe me. And for some, you may want to come back to this. And I’d encourage you to give it a listen.

What is the fourth foundation? It’s that we must include the whole of our positionality in our work. What does that mean? Well, dive in and find out. :-)

I’d love to learn about how this lands for you, and what questions emerge for you when listening. Shoot me an email!

Links to things mentioned in the episode

Seattle Men’s Circle! - Starting this month, on the fourth Monday of the month, Jordan Ferretti (see Episode 5) and I will be co-facilitating a men’s circle for guys in the Seattle area. Come join us! Get real, make friends.

Holistic Resistance - these folks are my teachers and mentors in anti-oppression work. I’ve learned a ton from all of them.

Disrupting Our Practice Workshops - I didn’t mention this, so this is a little easter egg to anyone reading these notes. My colleague Shannon and I are doing these workshops for folks interested in grappling with being white-bodied, and controlling space. Check them out!

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

I decided to drop back into the foundations in a non-linear way. As non-linear as it gets.

So, we discussed the body, and why it’s an important component for men doing healing work (I mean, it’s important for anyone doing healing work, but you get my drift).

After recording this, I realized that I should probably note that I’m not a therapist, let alone a trauma specialist. I’m a student of this work, and have brought aspects of it into the work that I do, always with that caveat. If you’re in need of real trauma therapy, please do find an expert. If you’re in Seattle, I may have a lead or two for you.

Links for some things mentioned in the episode:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - A remarkable book on Trauma and the way it impacts us. It’s dense, but made very accessible. My apologies to Bessel for butchering your name in the recording!

Core Energetics - a somatic and energy modality for healing. It’s a powerful, if challenging, way to engage with our earliest wounds.

Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine - a great introduction to Somatic Experiencing, the modality created by Peter Levine.

Resmaa Menakem - a trauma therapist and anti-oppression educator in Minneapolis, MN. His work, Somatic Abolitionism, brings trauma work to the space of anti-racism.

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

The loss of Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss last week really impacted me, and got me thinking a lot about how the first three foundations of this work (explored over episodes 2–4) really interweave with one another.

As we’re in the darkest time of year—certainly with the least amount of sun, though dark in other ways for many—it’s all the more important to reach out for one another.

I wanted to offer a brief meditation this time around to help us all focus in on our true, organic selves. You don’t have to be a guy to do it!

Many thanks to everyone who listens to this podcast, and to those who have written me with reflections, thoughts, and questions. I so appreciate you all.

I’m taking next week off to rest. See you in January!

If you’ve never seen him dance, I highly recommend this performance by tWitch and Alex Wong

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

We dive into looking at the binds that we often find ourselves in as men, what it means to really feel the bind, as well as to visualize it (something that works well for Jordan).

What if, he asks, both sides of the bind have value? What if everything in my (and, ahem, your) inner world is trying to help in some way?

All of that and more in this episode.

Check out Jordan’s stuff below. And look out for info on in-person sessions that we’ll be hosting together in 2023!

How does this land? What moves in you? Shoot me an email at greg@gregorybflynn.com or on Instagram at men.connecting.

Links for stuff mentioned in the episode:

The Reckoning - Jordan’s new project, launching January 1st. A free newsletter—and art project—that will help guide you into your own process. Every Sunday, starting January 1st.

Team Builder Dojo - Jordan’s business where he does the work with men. You can learn more about him there.

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

Foundation #3 is a edgy one for me. For most of us, probably. In fact, it feels a bit edgy to put this one out there. But that’s probably appropriate. Why? Because Foundation #3 is: Vulnerability is the strength we need.

How do you work on building this muscle? I’d love to hear!

As I always say, it’s my hope that this is just one side of a conversation. Please hit me up - greg@gregorbyflynn.com or @men.connecting on IG - with your thoughts, questions, challenges. Let’s get into it together!

Links for things mentioned in this episode:

bell hooks - Author and activist who wrote a lot on issues of race and social justice. 

The Will to Change, by bell hooks - hooks’ seminal book on masculinity. A must read for anyone engaged in this work.

Alok Vaid-Menon - Artist, activist, and performer that is taking the gender binary head on. 

Alok on the Man Enough Podcast - This is a great example of their POV on masculinity and gender in general. Highly recommend.

Terry Real - Therapist and coach who has done some great work around masculinity.

I Don’t Want To Talk About It by Terry Real - A must read for anyone working with men (as well as for men in general).

Ijeoma Oluo - Author and activist who’s voice is making a huge impact on issues related to race.

Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male Identity - Oluo’s amazing book on the white-male identity in the the US and the West in general. A must read.

Bros - Rom-com staring Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane, two gay men on their falling-in-love journey. 

Credits: 🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

That brings us to foundation #2 - We can’t escape these tiny boxes alone; aka: we need each other.

I bring in some questions that feel important, as well as share some (likely familiar) ways that the tendency for men to try to go it alone shows up. And boy does it show up.

As I always say, it’s my hope that this is just one side of a conversation. Please hit me up - greg@gregorbyflynn.com or @men.connecting on IG - with your thoughts, questions, challenges. Let’s get into it together!

Links for things mentioned in this episode:

December Workshop - My good friend Jordan Ferretti and I are hosting this in-person workshop in Seattle on December 11th for men who could use a break during the holiday season. Info (including registration) in in the link!)

Holistic Resistance - amazing folks whose facilitator training I mentioned. Great group. I recommend all their work.

Men Connecting: Understanding Whiteness - my 10-week program for white-bodied men interested in being better anti-racists. Stay tuned for info on 2023 cohorts!

Man Park, SNL Skit - it’s only funny because it’s true

The Mask You Live In - I called it ‘The Mask We Wear’, which is wrong! Great documentary from the Representation Project, directed by Jennifer Siebel Newsom. Very, very good.

The Work - A powerful documentary about a program at Folsom State Prison. Highly recommend this as both a view into men’s work.

bell hooks - the will to change (if you want to read more about what I’m talking about)

The Will to Change by bell hooks - I wanted to share this because it’s so influential on me. Much of what I’ve talked about in the last two episodes is heavily influenced by Dr. hooks. This is something I’ve overlooked, and will rectify in my next episode.

Credits:

🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

This week I wanted to dive more deeply into the first foundation of this work as I see it – that we’ve been conditioned to live in tiny boxes. What does that mean? How do we see the boxes we live in? And what, exactly, do we do about it?

As men, we often believe that there’s only so much that’s available to us. We may not even realize that we believe that. If you’re feeling stuck, limited, isolated, unsure of where you fit in the world, this first step might be for you.

It’s my hope that this is just one side of an ongoing conversation. So, with that in mind, please let me know how this lands with you, what it makes you think about, what questions arise, where you disagree - all of that.

I’d love to get your emails - greg@gregorybflynn.com - or connect on Instagram - @men.connecting

Thanks for taking the time to listen!

Links for some things mentioned in this episode: 

Alok on Instagram 

Alok on the Man Enough Podcast 

Terry Real 

Terry Real on Insights at the Edge

Credits:

🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music

In this inaugural episode, I wanted to give a little context about why I’m calling this The Bind, and to introduce you to what I think of as five foundations for this work (well, six, really. I like an odd number though). I’ll be diving into each of the five foundations in future episodes, but hopefully, this gives you a bit of a map of what we’re going to explore together.

It’s my hope that this is just one side of an ongoing conversation. So, with that in mind, please let me know how this lands with you, what it makes you think about, what questions arise, where you disagree - all of that.

I’d love to get your emails - greg@gregorybflynn.com - or connect on Instagram - @men.connecting

Thanks for taking the time to listen!

Links for some things mentioned in this episode:

Disrupting our Practice - another podcast with myself and Shannon Patterson from Connection Works (this is the Apple podcasts link - you can find this podcast on all streaming platforms, however) 

Men Connecting - the men’s group that I started at the beginning of the COVID pandemic. It’s still going, and we’ve got a few spots if you (or someone you know) are interested.

Expect new episodes every Thursday starting 11/17/22.

Hit subscribe, and you’ll get each episode as they come out!

Thanks for joining me!

Credits:

🎶 by Alex Weinstein at Alex Weinstein Music