Second Place Chasers

Enough About My Transvestism

Tue, 13 Oct 2026 05:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith welcome the Premier League back after a long international break where QPR's keeper kept four clean sheets and saved a penalty, England thrashed Croatia and Ronaldo threw his toys out of the pram. They look forward to finalising their wildcards and argue about what to do with City's title wins in the cheating years.

Lachlan Tribute

Sat, 10 Oct 2026 13:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith get together to remember Lachlan. It's basically them talking for a bit between clips of Lachlan and some of his music. You can easily skip the bits where Jack and Keith talk. There's also the hidden EP track Real Love that isn't on the Spotify EP release. You can skip to 26 minutes if you want to hear that.

That's Why I'm Not Welsh

Fri, 25 Sep 2026 18:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look back on a rather uninspiring gameweek five ahead of a three week long international break. Jack's Chelsea curse intensifies and he reads a poem from an admirer.

I Want Me Palmer Goals

Sat, 19 Sep 2026 22:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith return after a week off for trivia. Jack brings some trivia to the podcast and reflects on his first week as a new Chelsea fan and is a little smug with his triple captain choice.

Who's Your Football Daddy?

Fri, 04 Sep 2026 12:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith struggle through their first podcast since Lachlan's passing. We will miss his unwavering love of Chelsea (to the point of delusion) and his ridiculous FPL picks just when his team is doing well, but most of all we will just miss him. Cheers Geoff.

Tielemans Is Where?

Fri, 21 Aug 2026 00:00:00 +1000

We're back! Nobody asked for it, but Jack and Keith return for another season of nonsense. Predictions for the final standings in the Premier League, predictions for gameweek one, and a nice uplifting movie review to finish off the show.

Sea Chicken

Fri, 27 Feb 2026 16:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith return for more nonsense chat. Jack is feeling very smug as a chunk of Keith's lead falls away. Keith distracts by talking about his review on trustpilot and Jack catches seagulls.

Just Hot Air And Shit

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 16:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith are back for 2026 while Lachlan works his way back to match fitness. Had he been on this podcast there may well have been lots more swearing after the departure of Maresca at Chelsea. I'm sure he'll have plenty left in the tank when he makes his much awaited return to the podcast soon.

Idiots

Sat, 22 Nov 2025 21:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith review the international break, the six-a-side competition, and the trivia. There's also some FPL talk.

Anthony Gordon Blow Up Dolls

Fri, 07 Nov 2025 22:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith are once again without their Chelsea loving co-host who has just had his stem cell transplant done. It's less fun than watching the Chelsea v Sunderland game on repeat. Meanwhile, Jack has a whole new memorabilia idea for football clubs.

Guess Who Else Was German

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 23:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith seem to be more interested in their six-a-side team than the FPL gameweek. I wonder why? Lachlan goes to Sydney to begin his transition, or transplant, or something, while Chelsea, Leicester, and QPR all lose in the same week.

Dominic Cruciate Ligament

Fri, 17 Oct 2025 08:00:00 +1100

With the end of another international break, Jack and Keith look ahead to gameweek eight and discuss their options. Jack is looking to a tall German to boost his team, while Keith may be taking a more drastic option for his team....

Why Have A Nibble When You Can Have A Chunk?

Sat, 04 Oct 2025 17:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith have to, once again, make do without Lachlan. Perhaps it was for the best because he had a terrible gameweek score and Chelsea got beaten as well. Jack is now below Keith in all mini leagues, but he swears it is merely a temporary thing.

The Woodkins Twins

Sat, 27 Sep 2025 15:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith barely mention Chelsea with the absence of Lachlan, who chose sleep over a phonecall. I'd say he made the correct decision.

The Vegan Episode

Sat, 20 Sep 2025 23:00:00 +1000

Recorded in the middle of gameweek four and during the game updating, Jack, Lachlan, and Keith find plenty to waffle on about. Even veganism.

What Time Is It?

Sat, 13 Sep 2025 17:00:00 +1000

It's a Batalla take over as Jack and Keith are joined by Lachlan and Kyle, who are first and second our mini league. We find out what everyone's plans are for gameweek four and Lachlan and Kyle dismiss the FPL skills of brother Ricky.

What's That Smell?

Sat, 30 Aug 2025 17:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are surprised by something they haven't experienced before. Lachlan has a plan. A long term plan. A not totally ridiculous plan. Brace yourselves.

The Touch Of Shit

Sat, 23 Aug 2025 15:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look back on their gameweek one scores and predictions. Keith proves that last season's struggles weren't just a flash in the pan. Jack promises to keep his decent start going for the rest of the season, but neither can get near Lachlan, who tops our mini league.

The Last Hurrah

Sun, 25 May 2025 22:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are joined by Lachlan by phone just before the Europa League final which is a bit like if there was a playoff game to stay in the Premier League. There are predictions for the final gamewek, and Lachlan is nervous about Chelsea's final league game. Jack wants a cup win and to beat Gary once again.

The Chelsea Void

Sat, 26 Apr 2025 15:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith enjoy the serenity and 33% more cider with the absence of Lachlan this week. Another blue and white team take the lions share of the chat as Jack talks about Leicester and a pontiff's farewell pun.

Murphy's Law

Fri, 11 Apr 2025 13:00:00 +1000

Jack, Lachlan, and Keith look forward to double gameweek 32. Lachlan predicts more misery for Liverpool, while Jack just wants Leicester to be put out of theirs.

On The Two-Two Train

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 17:00:00 +1000

Lachlan, Jack, and Keith cover gameweek thirty and thirty-one, welcome back reckless Lachlan, and say goodbye to Leicester.

A Mild Four Nil And A Little Dog In A Handbag

Sat, 08 Mar 2025 17:00:00 +1100

Lachlan returns to the podcast after a one week absence. Jack has a Leicester lament, and we wonder why both Nicky and Ricky are in Thailand at the same time. Perhaps warm weather training for Liverpool fans?

There's Always Someone Waiting

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 12:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith hold down the fort with Lachlan unavailable. As expected, the ten minute Chelsea/VAR rant is missing from this episode. It will undoubtedly return next week.

Rogers Is A Bum

Sun, 23 Feb 2025 22:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith sit back and listen to Lachlan get angry about Chelsea.....again! Even though they didn't have a shot on target against Brighton, he tries to tell us how VAR stopped them from at least having a draw. Rolling eyes emoji.

Master Vs Apprentice

Sun, 26 Jan 2025 11:00:00 +1100

Jack, Lachlan, and Keith talk nonsense ahead of another gameweek. Can Jack and Keith manage to talk Lachlan out of captaining Palmer instead of Salah or Isak?

Is That David Moyes?

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 20:00:00 +1100

Jack, Keith, and Lachlan come in mid-gameweek and during a power outage and a storm to discuss the future prospects of Graham Potter and David Moyes. Lachlan does his best Moyes impression.....word of warning, it's not great.

A New Leaf

Mon, 13 Jan 2025 10:00:00 +1100

Jack, Keith, and Lachlan look back at gameweek twenty, look ahead to the FA cup, and wonder if Nuno could be the manager of the season.

Boorowa Internet

Fri, 03 Jan 2025 09:00:00 +1100

The podcast returns for 2025, with Lachlan trying to explain how he came to have Kulusevski as captain, and vowing to make a comeback in the second half of the season. Jack has also given himself a new target for the season.......

Third Member

Fri, 04 Oct 2024 19:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are joined by new host Lachlan. What should you know about Lachlan? Well, his first tattoo was of the Chelsea badge, he likes Chelsea, and he also really likes Chelsea. Other than that character flaw, he's quite nice really.

Ed Sheeran's Not A Looker

Sat, 21 Sep 2024 20:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are once again without a guest but they carry on regardless.....speaking of carry on.....

Leverage Is The Answer

Fri, 13 Sep 2024 21:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are back after the International break to look ahead to gameweek four. A late withdrawal means that there is no guest this week, but they soldier on with more nonsense, some semi-reasonable advice, and there is a joke*

*Keith has questioned whether it actually is indeed, a joke.

All You Need Is A Good Lawyer

Mon, 09 Sep 2024 17:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith meet at the start of the international break to look back on a reasonably successful gameweek three, they also spot the bald fraud, a big win for Leicester, and have some advice for Dominik Szoboszlai.

Knee Cranium

Sun, 01 Sep 2024 17:00:00 +1000

This week Jack and Keith welcome their first guest of the season. Everything is going well until Lachlan is given the keys to the car......

The Vardy Party Returns

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 17:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look back on gameweek one, both just scraping above average scores. One manager in their mini league did somewhat better, finishing the gameweek inside the top 10,000 managers in the world. The secret to their success? Spending about five minutes choosing their team. Anything more is overthinking it.

The Rooney Handicap

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are back (again) to give you zero useful insights into the Fantasy League world, as they look ahead to gameweek one and give predictions for the season ahead.

It Is Now

Sun, 26 May 2024 22:00:00 +1000

A final look at the 23/24 FPL season and who won what. Jack gives us his favourite transfers of the season, what he thinks of the England squad for the Euros, and reminds Keith about a cup final result.

They Think It's All Over

Sun, 19 May 2024 22:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look forward to the final gameweek of the season. Even though they won the league a couple of weeks ago, Jack still manages to find a reason to mention Leicester.

Fiftieth Time's The Charm

Mon, 13 May 2024 10:00:00 +1000

For the fiftieth (recorded) time, Jack and Keith cast their eye over the FPL landscape (possibly some Championship, too).

Three Times My Wife Has Given Me Cheese

Sat, 04 May 2024 06:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith talk to possible/probable head to head champion Leo on the phone. There is the inevitable Championship talk, with Leicester's victory making Jack very happy, the usual guff and nonsense, and some very inappropriate team selections.

Larry

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 20:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith record in the middle of the double gameweek, with Jack getting thrashed by Gary, and Keith moving up again. At least Leicester are giving Jack some joy in the midst of his illness.

The Mad Scientist

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 17:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are joined in the "studio" by Lachy. If you like Chelsea and swearing, this one is for you.

Pop Off

Sun, 14 Apr 2024 18:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith once again have Surya on the phone, who's pre-gym routine includes drinking Guiness. He's also not at all interested in the Championship, or even hearing about it.

Lawyer Up

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 22:00:00 +1000

Recorded halfway through gameweek thirty-one, Jack and Keith look ahead to gameweek thirty-two and spend way too much time on the Championship. Jack threatens legal action.

Looking For Signs

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith start off the episode in the Championship, where QPR have won three in a row, and Leicester have lost three in a row. What? Jack outscored Keith in gameweek twenty-seven, but he rarely mentions it, and they look forward to gameweek twenty-eight where Bournemouth and Luton double.

Bowen Therapy

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 17:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look back on gameweek twenty-six, which had a surprising end, and ahead to a big game in the Championship.

De Bruyne Is Back On The Blacklist

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 23:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith record just before the end of double gameweek twenty-five. Jack goes off on KDB, Keith laughs at Mick Beale's predicament and looks forward to QPR getting out of the bottom three, possibly. There's also some innuendo from Jack, and sarcastic applause for Mark.

A Glitch In Time

Sat, 10 Feb 2024 22:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith struggle through a cider free episode, but lose most of the recording due to equipment glitching. Excellent.

He'll Never Trust Us Again

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 06:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith get through the longest gameweek and prepare for gameweek twenty-two via the Championship, a one point thrashing, some sage advice to Jack, and it all begins with an apology (of sorts) to a Mr Crisp.

Stratetitian

Sat, 20 Jan 2024 23:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith discuss their options for gameweek twenty-one which takes place over two weeks and will be without Salah, Son, Alexander-Arnold, Kudus, Hee-Chan, and probably Bowen and Haaland too, due to AFCoN, the Asian cup, and injuries.

That's Just So Last Year

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 16:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith recorded a podcast just before the end of 2023, during the silly season. Keith edited the podcast and promptly forgot completely about it, until today. Merry Easter.

Sterling Effort

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith record during another thunderstorm and a hangover. Jack shows off his new Christmas present and tries hard to give away some kittens. Keith laments another Chelsea failure.

Bit Less Shit

Sat, 23 Dec 2023 14:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith finally have themselves a guest, as Hayley joins them to talk about her FPL team, Man United, kittens, and moustaches.

Son-Burnt

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 19:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look back on gw16 with barely a mention of Jack selling Son before a 17 point return. It's still hot, there are still birds in the background, and Keith is completely unaware that the cup has already started.

Alexander-Arnold's Arse Crack

Mon, 11 Dec 2023 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith Complain about their gameweek scores and the heat, consider whether Leo has stolen the luck of the Irish, and notice a crack in Liverpool's defence.

James To The Rescue

Sat, 25 Nov 2023 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look forward to gameweek thirteen and the delights of having several players flagged as doubtful. Franklin the cat makes a very brief appearance, and Keith goes on and on about Reece James.

Cashing Out

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 16:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith enter the international break, and talk over possibilities for their teams. QPR are still unbeaten under Cifuentes, but Leicester are stumbling.

Welcome To The Thunderdome

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 15:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith lament a woeful gameweek, but QPR come away with a glorious point under their new manager, Marti Cifuentes. Leicester don't fare so well against Leeds.

Did I Ever Tell You About The Time I Brought In Nketiah?

Sat, 04 Nov 2023 16:00:00 +1100

Jack might mention Eddie Nketiah a couple of times in this episode. Keith is more concerned with how the rock star Gareth Ainsworth left QPR, and their new manager Marti Cifuentes' ability to point.

You're A Lying Scumbag

Sat, 28 Oct 2023 00:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith have equally good gameweeks. Jack moves up in both leagues, while Keith only moves up in one. That's because he's (still) top of the other. There's also way too much Championship talk from Jack.

South Of The Border

Sat, 21 Oct 2023 23:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith are joined by Leo to talk about gameweek nine and find out where Wilf Zaha is playing these days.

Minus Twelve

Sat, 07 Oct 2023 22:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look back on gameweek seven and ahead to gameweek eight with different outlooks. One is quite smug, the other is just sad. You can figure out which one is which.

Chelsea Anger

Sat, 30 Sep 2023 10:00:00 +1000

With contrasting gameweek six results, Jack and Keith look forward to double gameweek seven. Keith is happy to not change much, Jack wants to change everything and gets very angry at Chelsea. Keith suggests an alternative to penalties.

Failings Not Feelings

Mon, 25 Sep 2023 21:00:00 +1000

Gameweek six. Jack and Keith look forward to scoring more points than they did in gameweek five, when things didn't go so well. Jack talks about bad haircuts on footballers, well, one in particular, and Keith verbally abuses his second eldest nephew.

Darwin In(sane)?

Mon, 18 Sep 2023 16:00:00 +1000

Premier League returns after the international break. Jack and Keith try to remember what happened in gw4 and look forward to gw5. There's a very in depth look at the Championship (not really), Keith suggests bringing in Darwin, that's the all new Darwin with the Bielsa firmware update, and Jack gets dissed by Richard Allen.

Carry On Cider

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 15:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look back on a good gw3. Jack decides he's had enough of his team and is on a wildcard. He also has a theory about what Johnny does on his holidays, how to get our next guest, and there's a horny toad in the studio.

Let's Parlay.

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 23:00:00 +1000

Jack returns to the studio, and brings with him, some cider, and a bold prediction for the Premier League title. It appears that Keith has finally brought in Haaland for gw3, but he may not be finished with transfers this week yet. Rumours of an early wildcard abound.

Norrington-Davies Didn't Make It Sir

Sun, 20 Aug 2023 17:00:00 +1000

Jack is on the phone again as he and Keith look back at gameweek one, and forward to gameweek two. Is Keith still going without Haaland, or has he seen the light?

The Return Of FPL..... And Covid.

Sun, 13 Aug 2023 19:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith return for the 2023/24 FPL season with score predictions for gameweek one, top seven and relegation predictions for the season, and most of their gameweek one squads. Covid has also returned, so while Keith stays home, Jack is on the phone.

The Final Curtain

Sun, 04 Jun 2023 21:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith face the final curtain, and with no gameweeks left to predict, turn their attention to predicting player prices for next season and player transfers. There's a phone call to double champ Patrick. Jack eventually congratulates Keith on his cup win, and flags the launch of his own movie podcast coming soon, called Have You Scene?

The One With The Drugs

Mon, 29 May 2023 21:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith head into the final gameweek, looking for those differential players that will lift them up the league, or get them to a cup triumph. Jack predicts the Leicester v West Ham result using his lunch, and puts forward a proposal that Leicester play in the wrong colour.

"This Is Where City Bottle It" - Jack

Sun, 21 May 2023 13:00:00 +1000

With the penultimate gameweek coming up, Jack and Keith are joined by Troy and Patrick (our Head to Head champion for this year). With Leeds and Leicester in danger of relegation, Troy and Jack have different takes on how their teams will fare in the final games of the season. Even though it sounds like everyone is in a different room to Keith, it's just distance to microphones.

Two Peas In A Podcast

Fri, 12 May 2023 18:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith are joined by Gary this week. The only man who laughs at his own jokes more than Keith. Still in the cup, and still to receive a cider order from Surya, Gary spends his days making up puns and squeezing the juice out of apples.

Scraping The Bottom Of The Vegetable Barrel

Wed, 03 May 2023 23:00:00 +1000

With gameweek 34 yet to finish, Jack and Keith need more from their players to get through to the next round of the SWP cup, and a win in the head to head league. Like Leicester, Jack's season hangs in the balance. A loss in the head to head league surely ends his title bid for another season.

Pet Rocks And Tricycles

Sat, 29 Apr 2023 23:00:00 +1000

A below average week for both Jack and Keith, but double gameweek 34 is on the horizon and that brings with it a chance of breaking one hundred points....and don't they need it!

We're Moving From A Back Three To A Back Four. What Could Go Wrong?

Tue, 25 Apr 2023 23:00:00 +1000

A less than stellar week for Jack and Keith in the fantasy league, but both Leicester and QPR managed wins. Find out why Stellini moved from three at the back to a back four, what Ainsworth said to QPR before the Burnley game, and who is the latest to slip into the Gary zone.

A Grenade As A Training Tool

Wed, 19 Apr 2023 23:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith get ready for blank gameweek 32, with Keith looking for a way out of the Gary zone. Jack explains how Bielsa got his nickname, too much cider is drunk, and there's too much QPR talk - again.

How Else Do You Get Them In White Vans?

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +1000

This week Jack lords it over Keith, after a comprehensive head to head victory. Keith ends the week in the Gary zone, but hatches a cunning plan to escape, using bits and bobs lying around. A bit like the A-Team, but involving Darwin Nuñez in the Murdoch role, it's so crazy, it might just work. Leicester get a new manager, Burnley get promoted, and the Rs get a point!

Shitting, Shivering, And Limping

Mon, 10 Apr 2023 22:00:00 +1000

Jack and Keith look forward to gameweek 30, and have another guest on the phone, as Surya gives them a detailed account of his experience in the Gary zone, gets Uber Eats, finds some wine in the fridge, rolls dice, and swears a lot.

Kidnapped, Bound, And Hidden In A Garage Somewhere.

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 07:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith return after the international break, admire their gw28 scores, and green arrows. They talk about manager departures, manager arrivals, injuries and illnesses, how we should all have Maddison, should stay away from Fernandes, and there is one very poor pun. Jack outlines his plan for a head to head gameweek win, which might surprise some, but not Keith.

Vodka And Skittles

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith are once again waiting on two game results to save their gameweek. Jack continues to blame others for his poor choices. Keith refuses to talk about QPR, then talks about QPR, then decides that supporting Spurs would be worse.

Cereal And Antibiotics For Dinner

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 19:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look back on gameweek 26, where Jack had a low score, but at least he didn't play a wildcard and have a low score, like Keith. They also welcome their first guest onto the pod as they talk on the phone to Lachlan Batalla, direct from his five star luxury holiday Villa, somewhere in Canberra. He talks about Chelsea, laughs at United, talks about Chelsea, laughs at Leicester, talks about Chelsea, laughs at QPR, redesigns the humble hospital bed, and then leaves us for some fine dining.

There's Still A Chance

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 17:00:00 +1100

With two games to go at the time of recording, Jack and Keith's teams are both sitting below the average score, but are hopeful of a turnaround. They also talk about future plans for the upcoming blanks and double gameweeks.

Coo-Coo-Rella

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 21:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look ahead to gw24; the calm before the storm of double and blank gameweeks ahead. Jack also has a trivia question, and claims to have a special talent involving pigeons.

Is Your Beard Magic?

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 06:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith once again try to predict this weekend's fixtures, mention Gary's Perky Pecker, Casemiro's fascination with Will Hughes' beard, Souttar fitting in at Leicester, future plans, and general nonsense.

I Have A Plan

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 21:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith look forward to double gameweek 22 and decide that it's a good idea to have a plan or two, even if both of those are the same plan. Once again, no useful information is contained within this podcast.

Bang On Average

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 16:00:00 +1100

With two games still to play in double gameweek twenty, Jack and Keith might just be regretting their choice to triple captain Haaland. Who's idea was that anyway?

Musings on the double

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 18:00:00 +1100

Jack and Keith chat about their options for the upcoming double gameweek, predict the scores for each fixture, and mention how rubbish Southampton are they day before they beat Man City in the Carabao Cup. Probably best to take any advice given with a pinch of salt.