--

• Website
• Facebook
• Instagram
• Worship Playlist
• Sunnybrook App (ios)
• Sunnybrook App (Google)
• Connect with us!
• How can we pray for you? Let us know.
• Giving

Then tune in for the next episode, where we continue answering your questions about sin.

 ~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

 Despite popular opinion, the teenage years can actually be a joy. When you discipline, teach and coach, you can actually enjoy the teenage years. 

 You may feel like you’re losing your kids for a time while they are navigating more toward their peers, and finding their own identity but trust they will navigate back and be human again. 

 Teenage drama is normal. 

 Your family can either be interdependent or independent. Family identity and interdependence is a huge deterrents for teenage rebellion. Do your utmost to build a family identity in the early years. 

 Some examples: 

• Have a family night sacred to your own family (you can have other nights when friends are allowed) • No TV’s in bedrooms – watch together as a family 

• Commit to family vacations for your family only 

• Camp together to establish family togetherness 

• Establish an identity – “this is what the ________’s do” 

• The more your kids feel they belong in your family, the less they will look for belonging outside of it • Make your home a haven for your kids 

 Remember that the teenage years are scary for teens as they navigate their emotions and changes of feelings. Be approachable in those times. 

 Social media gives your kids a constant intake of drama and chaos. Don’t be fearful of setting aside that influence for a time and bringing your family together. 

 Remember that you need others who can be a godly influence on your kids. Take advantage of bringing other godly people into their lives. Sunnybrook’s kids and student ministry are a great resource for that.

 Discussion Questions: 

1. Family identity and interdependence is a huge deterrents for teenage rebellion Based on what you heard in the podcast, what can you intentionally do now to build a strong family identity for your family? 

2. If you have a teenager at home, what issues are most challenging for them right now? For you? 

3. What can you do to be more approachable for your child? 

4. Discuss together how you might encourage one another in parenting through challenging times.

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

“Train up a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6 

 By age five, you can have most of your discipline issues settled if you are consistent in saying what you mean and mean what you say and deal with issues. 

 Helpful tips for common discipline issues: 

• Whining – don’t allow a whining tone. If using a whiny voice, let your child know you will not hear them. Then set a timer for 5 minutes before they can ask again. 

• Temper tantrum – a temper tantrum needs an audience, so remove them from any audience. Their goal is to embarrass or shame you into complying with them. If it happens in public, be willing to remove them immediately – following through once or twice will show them their tantrum doesn’t work. 

• Temper tantrum when leaving somewhere they don’t want to leave- address this by saying they will not be allowed to come the next time they do this. Then remind in advance when going to that place again. 

• Tattling – Don’t reward tattling; discipline them too. 

• Lying – Lying breaks trust. Let your child know the importance of truth and trust in the relationship, and give them space, to tell the truth. Reward for telling the truth, but also still discipline for bad behavior. 

• Gossip – Gossip is stealing someone’s reputation and good name. Don’t let your kids see/hear you doing this. Curb it quickly in them and instead speak positively about others. 

 Discussion Questions: 

1. Share together the discipline issues do you most struggle in parenting your children. 

2. Discuss how the principles you’ve learned thus far in this podcast series help you with those.

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

 The goal of discipline is to bring your child to repentance. 

 Repentance, Greek word “metanoia” means to change, turn around; a reversal of direction. 

 There’s a huge difference between regret and repentance. As Scripture says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 (example of Peter and Judas) 

 Train the heart of a child to understand their sin, rather than unintentionally training them to think disobedience is no big deal. 

 “I’m sorry” is very different from “will you forgive me?” And when you teach the seeking of forgiveness, it helps train a child toward repentance. 

 Even though a child seeks forgiveness, they still need consequences. 

 In Scripture, restitution always preceded repentance and forgiveness. Help your child to make restitution when appropriate. 

 Discipline is relational in nature. A child needs to seek your forgiveness when they disobey. You can model this toward your children when you sin against them. 

 When discipline is complete, reaffirm your love for your child and hug them. 

 Discussion Questions: 

1. Discuss the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow and repentance. 

2. How does teaching your child repentance help train their heart to understand sin and forgiveness? 3. What practical application might you take from today’s podcast?

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

Obedience is a critical foundation of your parenting role. 

Two levels of obedience: 

• Childishness- needs training, not discipline 

•Foolishness – willful disobedience; needs discipline and consequences 

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” Proverbs 22:15 

Characteristics of obedience: 

• First time obedience – When you say, they obey (whatever you’re going to say on 3 say on 1) and be consistent. Set a clear standard. 

• Obey without complaint – no whining or disrespect • Without challenge – no talking you out of something 

• Obey completely- not halfway 

Parenting can be exhausting. But if you don’t spend time early on with obedience, you’ll only find it more exhausting in the later phases. 

 Ways to help your child be obedient: 

• Look them in the eye when giving instruction 

• Expect respectful response – yes ma’am 

• Say what you mean and mean what you say- follow through! 

• Give 5 minute preparation for what you’re going to ask them to do (5 minute warning before we get out of the pool) 

 Pitfalls: 
• Threatening and repeating- it undermines your authority 

• Bribing parent – should not bribe for obedience 

• Never negotiate in the midst of conflict – expect obedience 

 Ask yourself? Does anyone besides you enjoy your children? Are they well-behaved and respectful to others? 

 Discussion Questions: 

1. What expectations have you had up to this point when it comes to obedience in your child’s life? 

2. How has this podcast impacted your perspectives? 

3. When it comes to the characteristics of obedience, with which does your child(ren) struggle the most? How might you shore up your resolve in these areas? 

4. What pitfalls given do you most tend to fall into when it comes to parenting? 

5. What’s one commitment you can make to yourself and your spouse to avoid those pitfalls?

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

Instilling in your child integrity, honor and respect in your child is the key to bringing up a biblical and morally responsible child. 

Kids won’t respect authority, laws, or people if you don’t. Lead by example in every area of life. 

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” Romans 13:1 

Teaching kids respect (training phase): 

• Starts with respecting you- what they call you, tone and language toward you

 -first-time obedience 

-teach them to respect your conversations (interrupt rule) 

•Sibling respect – instill respect by helping your child be others-centered with their siblings

 -peer pressure is only as strong as family identity is weak 

-create a sense of family identity through respect among siblings 

-be aware of allowing your children to isolate too much 

•Others – give respect to adults and others older than you 

Discussion Questions: 

1. What kind of modeling do you do when it comes to respecting laws, authorities and people? 

2. What changes might you need to make in order to be more respectful yourself, and to teach your kids respect? 

3. In what ways have you taught your kids to respect you? How have you allowed them to disrespect you? 

4. Discuss each of the areas of respect discussed and how you might be intentional about establishing respect in each of these areas.

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

Love languages can be helpful to utilize with your kids and help them to be more others-centered. 

The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman): 

1. Gifts – giving gifts that express love 

2. Words of Affirmation – words that affirm 

3. Physical Touch – holding hands, loving touch 

4. Quality time – spending intentional one on one time together 

5. Acts of Service – serving another with desired acts 

Speak all five of the languages, but learn how you can best express love to your child’s preference. 

You can teach the love languages to your kids to help them be others-centered. (“How can you be encouraging to your brother/sister today?”) 

If you’ve never taken the Love Languages quiz, here’s a link: https://5lovelanguages.com/  

Discussion Questions: 

1. What are your love languages as parents? 

2. Discuss what your kids’ love languages might be. 

3. How might you help your family come together in awareness of one another’s love languages and intentionally show love to one other?

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~  

We all have commons struggle with feeling inadequate in parenting. 

4 PHASES OF PARENTING: 

0-5 years – Discipline phase – gaining control of your children (establishing your parental right to lead) 

• teaching respect, honor, obedience 

• delayed obedience is disobedience 

• don’t’ say something you’re not going to follow through on – otherwise, you’re training them to be disobedient 

• if you get this phase right, every phase after comes easy – if you don’t get control you won’t be able to move to the next phase – you’ll be stuck 

6-12 years – Training phase- teaching the hows and whys of behavior. (Children first learn how to act morally, and then they learn how to think morally) 

• practicing for the game of life- running drills and practices 

• Example: when we go here, here’s how I expect you to behave. If it didn’t go well, follow up on expectations. 

• Includes love for God, exchanging courtesies with others, kindness and consideration for others, serving opportunities, respecting boundaries, etc. (helping them to become more others-centered) 

13-18 years – Coaching phase- they are in the life game, your influence is diminished, but you can coach them in their interactions 

• Make a practice of de-briefing their life situations 

18+ years – Friendship phase – you can be friends with your kids – not before this! They need a parent up until the time they are an adult • Friendship is the goal in your child’s adulthood, not the starting point when they’re kids. 

When you get the discipline and training phases right, your kids will seek you in the coaching and friendship phase. 

 If you’ve been getting it wrong, don’t be discouraged - you can still adjust and get it right.

 Resources: James Dobson’s parenting collection (The New Dare to Discipline, The New Strong-Willed Child, and Parenting Isn't for Cowards), Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo 

 Discussion Questions: 

1. What did you learn about parenting from this podcast? 

2. Discuss the phase you are currently in when it comes to your parenting. What challenges have you faced in this phase? 

3. If you struggle in the area of discipline, what steps would be helpful for you to take in order to have better follow through with your kids? 

4. Discuss some areas you might be intentional about when it comes to the training phase.

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

•The significance of marriage in parenting is that God has created a family first and foremost in the marriage relationship. A child/children are a welcome part of that family; they are subordinate to the marriage relationship, not the center.

 •Practical advice: prioritize spending the first ten minutes at home connecting with your spouse and modeling that in front of your kids. 

•Child-centered parenting is incredibly dangerous. Revolving your entire world around your child cultivates self-centered/self-absorbed perspectives in your child that will negatively impact them into adulthood. Marriage-centered parenting cultivates greater security in the life of a child. 

•Marital conflict plays a significant role in the life of a child. If an argument starts in front of your kids, ensure that the resolution does as well. 

When conflict happens (whether between spouses or between children), practice: 

•Repentance- I was wrong 

•Forgiveness- will you forgive me 

•Restoration- kiss and make up 

If you’re struggling with keeping conflict out of the line of your kids, get someone to watch them and go get help. (Sunnybrook has marriage mentor couples or a list of professional counselors to help – contact laurievc@sunnybrookchurch.org) 

Your child can find security in witnessing your own dependence upon God in the midst of struggles with or the absence of a spouse. 

Discussion Questions: 

1. Would you say that you have a marriage-centered or child-centered approach to parenting? How has this podcast impacted your perspective on this subject? 

2. How might you practically invest more in your marital relationship so that your children might experience greater security? 

3. What are your tendencies when it comes to conflict resolution between you and your spouse? How might you model healthy conflict resolution before your kids? 

4. How might you help your kids practice healthy conflict resolution within the home? 

5. In what ways can you practically model dependence upon God in the midst of struggles at home, either between you and your spouse or with your kids?

~The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child.~ 

Dads play a major role in the life of a child. The ultimate goal of fatherhood is to move to mutual trust and loyalty. 

3 phases: 

•Biological- birth them 

•Provider- provide for them 

•Mutual trust and loyalty- spend quality and quantity time with your kids. This takes effort and sacrifice. 

 The average father only spends 6 minutes per day with their child. It takes much more than this to be a great dad. 

 7 things men can do to be intentional with their kids: 

1. Create a sense of family identity (this is what the _____’s do) 

2. Love your wife – the best thing you can do for you kids is love their mother 

3. Respect your kids’ private world- hold in reverence things they share with you 

4. Keep your promises- be a person of your word and follow through 

5. Give your kids the freedom to fail 

6. Be an encourager 

7. Give physical touch (hug/wrestle with your boys, hug your daughters) 

 Discussion Questions: 

1. What kind of dad did you grow up with? Or without? 

2. Dads, what are some ways you can be deliberate about spending more time with your kids in order to build mutual trust and loyalty? 

3. Discuss each of the 7 things you can do to be intentional with your kids. What are some practical ways to live those out?

Being known as a good parent is the greatest endeavor in life. The overall goal of parenting is to bring up a biblically and morally responsible child. 

Where do you start? 

•Starts with mom and dad being the example: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9 

•“Love the Lord your God” is much more caught than taught, more modeled than mandated. Whatever you expect your child to do, you must live it out. 

Two extremes to avoid: 

•Authoritarian style 

•Permissive parent 

*Parenting doesn’t start with friendship – it progresses there when your children are adults. 

*Kids are different, but always raise your child to a standard, don’t lower a standard to your child. *Give the moral reason why when disciplining your kids. (Ex. – Don’t run into the road – here’s why- you might get hurt. Don’t run in church – you may injure another.) 

*Be intentional! Instruct your child on behavior expectations and why before you get in a situation. 

Discussion Questions: 

1. What was the parenting style of your parents? Up to this point, what has been your parenting style? 

2. What things have you been intentional about in parenting your kids? What things would you like to be more intentional about when it comes to parenting your kids? 

3. Discuss some situations where you might give the moral reason why, when disciplining your kids or when preparing them for an environment they are about to enter. 

4. What things are you intentionally modeling in your life that you’d like your kids to emulate? 

5. What changes might you want to make to be intentional about bringing up a biblically and morally responsible child?

For more from Andre please visit - https://www.twinstours.com/