Intimacy Matters - Featuring Betty Martin

To celebrate International Podcast Day we are thrilled to release this exciting episode of Intimacy Matters. Nicola Foster and Jason Porthouse sit down with the wonderful human Betty Martin, creator of the Wheel of Consent and author of The Art of Receiving and Giving. Together, they dive into how understanding consent can transform (yes, really!) your relationships and intimacy.

Key Highlights:

• The Wheel of Consent: Betty shares how her groundbreaking model helps people understand the difference between giving, receiving, and taking in relationships, sparking deeper connection and passion.
• The Power of Asking for What You Want: Explore the vulnerability, empowerment, and thrill of clearly asking for your desires—and how this simple practice can transform intimate relationships.
• Overcoming Blocks Around Receiving and Taking: Why so many people struggle with receiving touch for their own pleasure and how the Wheel helps unlock freedom and joy in giving and taking.
• Domain - what is it and why does it matter?
• For Couples Stuck in a Rut: Nicola explains how she uses the Wheel of Consent in her work with long-term couples to break out of routines and reignite their intimacy.

Resources:

• Betty Martin’s Book: The Art of Receiving and Giving – Discover how the Wheel of Consent can reshape your approach to intimacy.
• Free Resources: Check out Betty’s website for loads of valuable content to explore the Wheel further.
• Reignite Your Intimacy: Dive into Nicola’s online course, Reigniting Intimacy, packed with exercises to deepen connection and rediscover passion.

Listen & Subscribe:

Don’t miss this exciting and insightful episode! Follow Intimacy Matters on your usual podcast platform and visit RealRelating.com for more intimacy-boosting content.

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Coping With Adversity In Relationship: Communication, Self-Care, and Support

Episode Summary: This episode explores how partnerships are tested by life’s challenging events like illness, bereavement, miscarriage, and unemployment. We discuss how stress can take couples out of sync, and provide strategies for navigating tough times together.

Key Topics Discussed:

We start by examining the impact of significant life events on relationships, highlighting how stress disrupts daily life. Often, couples facing adversity become adversarial or disconnected. A major theme is the vulnerability involved in asking for help. We address the challenges of seeking and receiving support, offer some  practical self-care tips, and discuss ways to navigate boundaries and consent.

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Prepare to dive into the wonderful world of sexual fantasy in this episode.

We'll uncover the prevalence of fantasy in human sexuality and its vital role in exploring desires and boundaries. From understanding the functions of fantasy to exploring popular categories like multi-partner sex, taboo acts, and gender role exploration, we'll provide practical insights and tips for talking about fantasy without tears!

Learn how open communication and shared exploration of fantasies can deepen intimacy and foster more trust and more fun. Join us for a lively discussion on embracing sexual fantasy.

The research we talk about is from Justin Lehmiller https://www.instagram.com/justinjlehmiller/?hl=en
He has a book all about fantasy here:
https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Me-What-You-Want/dp/0738234966/ref=as_li_ss_tl?dchild=1&keywords=lehmiller&qid=1611166990&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=lehmillercom-20&linkId=0c99986e1ae7823ed732345dff5bda7e&language=en_US

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

In this episode we welcome erotic author Anna Sansom.  We chat to Anna about all things erotic - and how we can get in touch with our own desires through creativity, even when it might feel really challenging.  We also discuss her book Desire Lines - part
memoir, part guide to reclaiming our erotic nature.

Anna is a queer cis woman (pronouns: she/her) who is endlessly curious about how we experience and express our unique sexual selves. She started writing erotica over two decades ago, has had a full-length erotic novel published and several short stories in anthologies and online.  She has a PhD in occupational therapy and is the co-creator of In Touch with Yourself, a guided journey for women who want to reconnect with their pleasure, sensuality, and sexuality, using creative, playful, and empowering personal practices. She loves drinking tea, swimming in the sea, and talking to her cats.

You can find her at annasansom.com and intouchwithyourself.co.uk, and on Facebook (@AnnaSansomWriter) and Instagram (@Anna_Sansom_Writer).

Anna's Substack is at https://annasansom.substack.com/

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Endings, though difficult, are an essential part of life. Whether it's a breakup, divorce, or the loss of a loved one, endings can be traumatic. In the podcast we talk about how society often downplays the significance of endings, offering clichés like "plenty more fish in the sea," which fails to acknowledge the pain and complexity of separation.

Research shows that the pain of a breakup can trigger physical responses similar to those of physical injury. Heartbreak is real and can have a profound impact on our well-being. What can we do to support ourselves during these times?

We also talk about conscious uncoupling, as popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin - what is it and how do you go about it?

Recommended resources:

Book: The Wisdom of a Broken Heart - Susan Piver

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast for more discussions on intimacy and relationships.

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Welcome to the latest episode of the Intimacy Mattters podcast where we dive into intimacy and relationships. 

Highlights of this episode include:

• Sex Frequency: How often is "normal"?
• Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire: Why knowing the difference makes ALL the difference.
• Navigating Differences: Contrary to popular  belief, sex can improve with time through exploration, communication, and a shift away from performance-based attitudes.
• Initiation Strategies: We share some playful approaches to help initiate intimacy without pressure.

Resources mentioned in the episode:

• NATSAL British Survey of Sexual Attitudes
• David Schnarch's book "Passionate Marriage"
• Good Times Planner (download)

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

In this episode, hosts Nicola and Jason dive into the crucial topic of consent within established relationships. We explore the dynamics of consent using the "wheel of consent" framework, addressing common questions and concerns about ongoing consent. Emphasizing open communication and mutual respect, we reflect on our own experiences with non-consensual touch and discuss practical ways to ensure boundaries are respected.

Consent isn't just a one-time conversation—it's an ongoing dialogue that fosters respect, trust, and mutual understanding within a long term relationship. 

We explore how consent impacts power dynamics and resentment within relationships.

We also talk about the "three-minute game" as a practical tool for exploring different aspects of consent within relationships.

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

In this episode Nicola and Jason talk to author and psychotherapist Silva about the myths surrounding 'sex addiction'. It's become a buzzword of late, with celebrities caught in the 'Me Too' movement citing it as a reason for their behaviour. In his book 'Compulsive Sexual Behaviours',  Silva challenges the notion that sex can be addictive at all, and provides a pathway towards healing for those who feel they do have a problem.

In this wide ranging talk we'll bust some common misconceptions surrounding sex addiction, look at the limitations of conventional treatments, and explore the role of shame and societal norms in influencing how we see sexual behaviour.  We'll also explore the  importance of open communication and empathy if you're someone dealing with this in your relationship.

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Are you tired of the never-ending battle over how to load the dishwasher? 🍽️

Do you and your partner feel like you're constantly at odds? 🤔

In our latest podcast episode, we explore the fascinating concept of polarity in relationships and how it impacts every aspect of our lives.

Join us as we discuss:

• The two types of people who load dishwashers: the precision-driven Scandinavian architect 🏠 and the free-spirited raccoon on meth 🦝
• How pushing each other into polarities can create unnecessary conflict and tension 🚫
• Practical strategies for finding balance in your relationship 💑
• Real-life walk through of how to do a BOTH / AND exercise 

Whether you're a newlywed, in a long-term relationship, or navigating the complexities of dating, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable tips that you can apply to your own relationship journey. 

Tune in now to learn a brilliant way to enjoy a more harmonious partnership! 🎧✨

Show notes:

Book - Navigating Polarities: https://amzn.eu/d/e9jB6d9

Blog - https://www.realrelating.com/blog/both-and

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

We're back! After a LONG hiatus (the longest in podcast history?) Intimacy Matters returns. In this episode we tell you some of what's been going on, what will be coming up, and begin with our A to Z of Relating with 'Appreciation'.

Show notes:
Love Languages Quiz:
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

In this episode we talk to Adam Wilder about all sorts of interesting stuff - how Togetherness, his school of connection and online community, started; safety versus authenticity (and how to navigate between them); the collective and the individual; 'us and them' and how we can use our common experiences to foster connection. We also touch on men's work, how we bring connection into our intimate relationships, saying no, how Dutch people break up with friends, notions of sovereignty and much, much more...

Adam's website can be found here: https://www.wilderintimacy.com

Togetherness can be found here: https://www.togetherness.com

And remember you can find us at https://www.realrelating.com/podcast

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Ruth Culver talks to us about the fascinating world of Internal Family Systems therapy, and her work linking IFS with Polyvagal Theory.  Sounds complex? You'll be an expert after this podcast, which is full of learning and warmth too.  Ruth talks about how we process trauma and how IFS can help us to gently access this and ultimately heal ourselves and our relationships.

Ruth's website can be found here: http://calmheart.co.uk

Her Survive/Thrive diagram can be dowloaded here (requires email).

And remember you can find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

We talk to acclaimed relationship and intimacy expert Jan Day.  We discuss Living Tantra, her school of intimacy and relating,  and her forthcoming book. We look at what constitutes a conscious relationship and how to cultivate one, and get some advice on practices that couples can use to help keep intimacy alive in long term relationships.

For more information visit Jan's website: www.janday.com

And you can find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Janet McGeever is an educator,  speaker, psychotherapist and author, based in Australia. Together with Diana Richardson she wrote Tantric Sex and the Menopause, and regularly hosts women's and couples workshops in Australia.  We chat to Janet about her background and path to becoming a teacher, menopause issues, how we change as we age, the differences between the sexual response of men and women, and much much more.

Janet can be found here: www.janetmcgeever.com

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

In which our intrepid duo lay out their stall.  Why a podcast?  What is Intimacy Matters all about?  What do we hope to achieve, and what can you, dear listener, expect?  And finally, what does Alanis Morissette have to do with ANY of this?  All will be revealed ...

Contact us here: www.realrelating.com

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

We chat to sex and relationship therapist Cate Mackenzie about being in lockdown with your partner, the importance of flirting and the difference between Turtles and Octopuses.   Cate introduces us to the practice of Bridging as away of enhancing communication, and the importance of 'going slow'.  We also find out how it was to do couples therapy 'live' on air with Denise Van Outen and fiancé Eddie!

Cate's website is here: www.catemackenzie.com

And you can find us at www.realrelating.com

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!

Kalindi Jordan is a teacher working with women and couples to help them reclaim their innate sensuality.  We talk to her about the roots of shame, coming back to the body, giving and receiving,  and the effects of trauma in blocking our pleasure.  We look at the importance of working with others to help healing, and the power of group work.

Kalindi can be found here: kalindijordan.com

If you're ready to take the next step in deepening your connections, register for Nicola's newsletter - free ideas, tips, resources and details of upcoming events https://www.realrelating.com/newsletter

If you'd like to contact us - suggestions for topics, guests, brickbats or bouquets - find us at www.realrelating.com/podcast.

Connect with Us: Visit www.realrelating.com and follow Nicola on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/realrelatingwithnicola/

Subscribe and Review: Subscribe on Apple https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/intimacy-matters/id1560947607and leave a review to help us create supportive content.

Contact Us: Email us at info@nicola-foster.com with questions or topic suggestions. We'd love to hear from you!