These and other deeply relevant questions are addressed when Dignity Index architect Tami Pyfer joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://unite.us/home

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tami-pyfer-54238612b/

Ethics depends on invoking our common humanity.

Conscience testifies to the spark of divinity that defines us.

Mutual dignity is a given; respect is earned.

Being nice and agreeing about everything is not the answer.

What is the Dignity Index?

We don’t always have to show others that we’re right.

There’s no America without democracy, there’s no democracy without healthy debate, there’s no healthy debate without dignity.

We need to hold people we agree with accountable for their tone as well as their message.

Would you be willing to join Dividers Anonymous?

We need to set aspirational goals, join a supportive community, and collectively hold ourselves to a higher standard.

“You are not obligated to finish the job, but neither are you free to withdraw from it.”

We can’t be perfect, but we can continuously strive toward perfection in our speech and conduct toward others.

Righteous indignation feels better than chocolate.

Have we made an effort to understand why others believe or act the way they do?

Contempt is the root of Cancel Culture.

Free speech survives only through responsibility and accountability.

Self-censorship can be both positive and negative.

Word of the Day:  Reification

the act of treating something abstract, such as an idea, relation, system, quality, etc., as if it were a concrete object;

the act of treating a person as a thing; objectification

To be ethical, we have to strike a balance between applying abstract concepts into our daily lives and preserving the nuance of the idea without oversimplifying.

Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/

https://www.melissahughes.rocks/

2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the future

From 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcher

We all have access to information; how are we using it?

6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?

Traditional hierarchy vs. teams

Psychological safety and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

We all want to feel that we belong

Innovation is all about challenging the status quo

“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”

11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every person

We have to know what works, but also what doesn’t work

Obstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challenges

Leaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving

15:00 The best way to learn is to teach

We all teach and we all learn

We all contribute and we’re all recognized

The brain doesn’t differentiate between physical and emotional threats

Diversity of perspective leads to full understanding

What’s the greatest gift we can give?

19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and control

Patterns and self-fulfilling prophecies

We notice what we’re looking for

Would I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?

Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 

25:00 The brain’s bouncer

The brain let’s in what we tell it to

29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrative

serving to foreshadow; faintly indicative

We create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

1:00 We need to reclaim control of our lives from technology

Shift your attention from being hijacked by our devices

FB has been exploited and misused by unethical players to manipulate and serve their own agendas

Do you know how much time you’re spending in front of a screen?

4:30 We don’t know what happiness is.

Pleasure often distracts us from our own unhappiness.

If you’re not dependent on external factors for happiness, you’re in control of your life and live more fully

7:00  Is it good to be easily amused?

Being delighted by simple pleasures makes the experience of living richer.

Social media is designed to keep us consuming, almost but never quite satisfied.

11:00 Are you making your future self proud by what you’re doing now?

What happens when our lives become all about comfort, convenience, and stimulation?

The purpose of the game is to play the game; the purpose is the process

We’re living in the Roman Empire

14:00 What are you doing with your life if you don’t have aspirations and values?

Pushing the boundaries of comfort and familiarity keeps us growing and truly alive

“The obstacle is the way”

We can be navigators of our lives, or we can be carried on the current.

Prioritization give us control

19:00 The five stages of digital well being

1. Attention -- you want to be the DJ of your life by placing the needle where it should be

2. Values -- Evaluate how new technology affects your relationships, your work, and your attitudes

1. we can’t eliminate technology from our lives, but we can choose how to allow it in.
2. Google “dark patterns” to learn the dangers
3. Social media is designed to make you addicted; they are selling your time and attention, turning you from a consumer into a commodity.
4. “The Attention Merchants” by Tim Wu

35:00

3. Boundaries -- without priorities, you never get to the important stuff

1. Don’t plug in your phone next to your bed
2. Buy an alarm clock

37:30

4. High quality leisure time

1. Unwind doing something projective and creative
2. Spend time with people

39:00

5. Solitude -- learn to be with yourself

The fundamental value of self-discipline.

Easy and fun entertainment seduces us from doing what we know is in our best interest.

No one changes behavior without incentive.  That’s why a clear WHY is critical to our digital health.

44:45 The word of the day: dissilient -- bursting open or springing apart (Yiddish: plotz)

We should be living with so much enthusiasm welling up inside us that we don’t seek or respond to external distraction. 

47:00 Education can be merely a form of entertainment if it doesn’t lead to action.

Go into your phone and look at screen time or digital wellbeing and see how much time you’re spending on your device.

49:00  How would your life and relationships be healthier if you spent less time on technology?

What will you do or have you done to make a positive change in your life?

What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?

How can employers increase passion?

These and other important questions are addressed when passion guru Kira Day joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://thepassioncentre.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kiraday/

1:00 What is the passion gap?

Too many people don’t care about their work

Confusing passion with mission sends us down the wrong path

Often we need to come from a place of darkness to appreciate light

4:30 Our pains become our passions, and tension produces balance

What is the Passion Test?

What are the internal and external drivers of passion?

Passion makes us better

9:00 The four passion buckets

What are the underlying reasons for our passions?

1. Internal -- natural interests
2. Social environment -- connections and safety
3. Functional -- support and development
4. Psychological -- autonomy, mastery, purpose

Different people can be passionate about the same thing for very different reasons

14:00 Why are we passionate about spectator sports?

Gladiatorial battle or hero’s journey?

If entertainment distracts us, does that make us less passionate?

18:00 What’s the difference between passion and indulgence?

Passion = meaning x investment

Purpose = passion shared

Overindulgence reveals imbalance

24:00 How can employers increase passion?

Care more!

Put more heart into a job by allowing people to be people… give them a reason to be loyal

You can’t buy loyalty with money but with meaning

28:00 Why do ethics produce passion?

Why is procrastination a gift?

31:00 Word of the day: Imputrescible

not liable to decomposition or putrefaction; incorruptible:

Keeping passionately alive ensures our spirit won’t putrefy and we won’t corrupt our core values

Passion is the lift inside of us which connects us to the world around us

34:00 How do we nurture our passion when the world around us stands in our way?

You -- obstacle -- passion

Believe in yourself and your purpose, then obstacles will move out of your way

39:00 With passion anything is possible

When in doubt, pretend to be you

How has COVID created the need for a new leadership breed?

How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Judith Germain, the Mindful Maverick, joins the Rabbi and the Shrink in this archive episode..

https://www.linkedin.com/in/judithgermain/

https://themaverickparadox.com/

1:00 What is the Maverick Paradox?

What kind of leader will risk everything to do what’s right and give up everything to defend it?

Why do companies hire mavericks and then resent them?

You can be a maverick by personality or by vision

Maverick leader is who you are and what you actually do

Everyone can be a maverick leader

5:00 We all have the potential but we don’t all have the will

“Maverick leaders will swim upstream like a salmon even though they know there’s a bear waiting for them

7:30 How do you lead those who don’t want to take risks to do what’s right?

All of human experience is paradoxical

Leaders need to be consultants and promote an antifragile culture

12:00 How do we help mavericks grow?

The difference between extroverted mavericks and introverted mavericks

Patience is a learned trait

Manage the tension between independence and interdependence

Authentic leadership is getting others to want to do the right thing

15:00 What’s the difference between influence and manipulation?

It comes down to intention

Eventually people revolt against manipulation

Maverick leaders are great storytellers

What’s the difference between socialized mavericks and extreme mavericks?

19:00 It’s lonely being a maverick

Pull yourself out of the fight to carry on the fight

When does tension lead to innovation?

How has COVID created the need for a new breed of leaders?

25:00 If you’re not being challenged, something is wrong.

Unanimity is overrated

If a maverick stops arguing, it means they’ve stopped caring

29:00 Four different personalities

Conformist, maverick behaviorist, socialized maverick, and extreme maverick

Balance the good of others and the good of themselves

What are the defining characteristics of a maverick leader:

Determined

Reputation -- character and competence

Influence

Versatility

Execution

Narration

Differences with a sense of common vision drives success

34:00 Trust is built or undermined over time

Principled leadership inspires trusting followership

Grover Cleveland

Unreasonable expectations sabotages the system

Ethics always begins with accountability

Only through passionate engagement and constructive disagreement can we get closer to the truth

45:00  Word of the day:  iconoclast

Challenge the conventional wisdom

When politics becomes religion, there can be no ethical debate

Strike the balance between civility and being contrarian

4:00 The story of the first time Rabbi Goldson observed the Sabbath according to Jewish law, which demonstrates that the promises we make to ourselves may be the most important promises we keep.

9:30 Many people are not good to themselves, which may be why ethics really does start at home.  What do you do to take care of or honor yourself?

11:00 Is there any sin that is truly unforgivable?  According to the sages, only seven biblical figures totally forfeited their share in the world to come through actions that led others to sin. 

13:00 Start with achievable goals. Find accountability partners.

15:00 Are there do-overs?  Aside from the most egregious and lasting harm we might cause, we should be able to hit a reset button and commit to better behavior than wallowing in regret or resentment.

If a sin leads me to set higher standards for myself, then it actually becomes metabolized into something positive.

18:00 Look at the past with fresh eyes, recognize each party’s responsibility, evaluate with empathy, identify what needs fixing.

We are heroes and victims and witnesses in almost every situation.  We need to ask ourselves: how do we become heroes?

21:00 There’s no app for being ethical, and there shouldn’t be.  It’s by grappling with gray areas that we develop our ethical muscles.

When it comes to our errors, we can always make ourselves better, but we can’t always repair the damage we’ve done.

23:30 Moderating our response to others’ mistakes, especially children.

25:30 The Nazi officer asked a camp inmate for forgiveness.  Should the Jew have forgiven him?

28:00 Does mental illness exempt a person from culpability?  But it shifts responsibility to seeking help and to those in a position to help.  Sometimes we just have to struggle with the impossibility of finding closure.

33:00  What was, what can be, and what should be, is the path forward.

Continuing behavior should not be forgiven unless it is uncontrollable or no effort is being made to control it.  The evils of sarcasm.

39:00 Word of the day: incogitant -- thoughtless, careless, or lacking the faculty of thought.  We have to be thoughtful to be ethical, but we also have to balance high standards against reasonable expectations for others and ourselves.

The Hebrew word for rebuke shares its root with the word for vindication.

42:30 How do we understand the biblical command not to bear a grudge?  We can’t control our feelings, but we can control whether we act on or articulate our feelings.

We don’t have to say everything we think. Only speak when it’s likely to do some good.

47:00 If two people both think they’re doing the right thing and they disagree with each other, how do we reconcile their different perceptions?

Schedule a time to discuss disagreements; don’t ambush people.

“I’d like to understand your point of view.”

54:00 How do parents confront school policies or actions by the school that the parents see as unethical.  Often a third party intervention can de-escalate conflict.

How do we stop greasing the slippery slope to hell?

What is “ethical fading” and what can we do about it?

These and other compelling questions are addressed Courageous Leadership pioneer Brooke Deterline joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.thecourage2lead.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-deterline-428aa7/

1:30  Our most real beliefs may not be true

“The Heroic Imagination Project”

It’s easy for good people to do the wrong thing under pressure

The danger of situational influences

“Now that we know, what will we do?”

8:00 Brooke’s own epiphany of moral vulnerability

Responding through social fitness against our biology

Professor Dumbledor’s wisdom to combat groupthink

Courageous democracy

Grief is a powerful connector

14:00  Strengthening ethical decision-making through cognitive behavior training

Physical mindfulness

Write down your negative automatic thoughts, i.e, fears

Identify the behaviors emerge in stressful situations and what’s the likely impact

What we can do that’s helpful to ourselves, e.g., give ourselves distance

We can always circle back if we don’t get it right in the moment

Forward-cast others in their best roles

22:00 Even if it’s not my fault, it might still be my responsibility

In teams, we learn how to give those around us the support they want and need

Don’t be afraid to ask

Simulations need real anxiety to create muscle memory

What are the outcomes we want based on our values?

33:00 Have we thought enough about our core values?

We may not have learned to articulate them

God created difficult people for our benefit

The domino system of learning empathy

Invite participants to take the role as leaders

39:00  The 4 stages of psychological safety

Belonging safety

Learning safety

Contribution safety

Challenger safety

Transform anxiety into excitement

Three contrarians can create safety to challenge

The danger of ethical fading

48:00 Why do we miss the gorilla in the room?
Learn to see in 3-D

Don’t trust yourself until the day you die

We need to keep each other honest

There’s no such thing as an expert

Dissolute

indifferent to moral restraints; given to immoral or improper conduct; licentious; dissipated.

Dissolutive

1. Decomposition into fragments or parts; disintegration. 
2. Termination or extinction by disintegration or dispersion: 
3. Indulgence in sensual pleasures; debauchery. 

The dissolution of the empire was remarkably swift.

Joseph’s brothers and Reuben’s irresolution

When we see ourselves as individuals, we lose conviction in carrying though on our values

Connection with the right people is a source of moral strength

What question should leaders be asking themselves?

What is the ROI of generosity?

These and other transformational questions are addressed when generosity guru April Shprintz joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aprilshprintz/

https://drivenoutcomes.com/

1:30 What are magic blue rocks?

We don’t always recognize how we can inspire others

Mindset makes all the difference

The power of authentic storytelling

6:30 The belief that life can be different

We can feel shame for circumstances beyond our control

When generosity becomes a reflex, it means nothing to us but everything to others

We don’t see what grows from the seeds we sow

In order to serve others, we have to see the bigger picture

14:15 Things in life happen for you, not to you

Working on how you view the world is the best thing you can do for yourself

What’s with the leopard print?

Dressing your truth

The sages’ lesson from the animal world

21:00  The ROI of generosity

Pour into your people, your clients, and your community

Symbiosis survives and thrives

When leaders don’t recognize their own resources

What are The 5 Questions?

27:00  Leaders need to ask themselves:  is your culture healthy?

The consultant as a member of the pit crew

How do you define “leader”?

Generosity should be a no-brainer

People who guard their “secret sauce” may have little that’s actually worth guarding

We’re in business to make ourselves obsolete

32:00 Is generosity a hard-sell?

When people are ready, then it becomes easy to show them the solution

Make the leap from damage control to prevention

You don’t have time?  You don’t have time not to!

Firemen are sexier than building inspectors

36:00 The word of the day:  Effluence

the action or process of flowing out; efflux.

something that flows out; emanation.

Effluence is close to affluence -- when we pour into others, we serve ourselves as well

These and other pressing questions are addressed when a Muslim ex-con, a Catholic shrink, and an Orthodox rabbi sit down together on The Rabbi and the Shrink.  Don't miss this episode with Lester Young!

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lester-young-b1b6a0106/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7Y3oh7l_wqJSCPtitB9BFw

1:30 How a life sentence became a life’s mission

What do we want our life and our legacy to be?

One man, one book, made all the difference

We are all masters of our own fate

Authentic leaders inspire us to challenge ourselves

4:00 Free will: the past does not have to define us

We can’t necessarily change our circumstances but we can change ourselves

Dissociation started a process that ended with prayer

A perpetrator can honor a victim by becoming a new person

The path to reconciliation and redemption

14:00  How do we truly make amends?

The most horrific failures can be transmuted into unimaginable victories

When we can resolve our differences and errors we don’t need the justice system to do it for us

17:00 Witnessing a victim’s pain evoked empathy

Victims of pain and violence can become perpetrators

We can always grow to recognize how to reinvent ourselves and take responsibility

21:00 When you prepare yourself, providence provides the opportunity

Journaling and gratitude

Five stages of incarceration:  denial, anger, victimization, asking forgiveness, self-forgiveness

The need for prison reform:  Recriminalization vs. Decriminalization

25:00 Wisdom attracts adherents

Change yourself, change your environment

We are all living in prisons of one kind or another

29:00  We all need advocates and support

Rehabilitation begins the day you walk into prison

Addressing the collateral damage victims

Why aren’t our correctional facilities corrective?

35:30 Word of the day:  allyship

the status or role of a person who advocates and actively works for the inclusion of a marginalized or politicized group in all areas of society, not as a member of that group but in solidarity with its struggle and point of view and under its leadership:

Genuine allyship does not come with special recognition—we do not get awards for confronting issues people have to live with every day.

the relationship or status of persons, groups, or nations associating and cooperating with one another for a common cause or purpose:

Joseph went from prison to king of the world in a day

Nelson Mandela

Never lose hope -- break out of the mental prison walls and the opportunities that will appear

Excessive appetite, greediness
Don't indulge in "what's-in-it-for-me?"
Look for ways to be of service

Zig Ziglar: You can have everything you want in life if you help enough other people have what they want in life.

How snowplow parents do their children a disservice by denying them the benefit of learning from failure.

The difference between flipflopping and principled change of outlook.

Ponder fearlessly and don't be afraid of silence.

1:00 How the rabbi met Bob

Extraordinary accomplishments while keeping the common touch

3:30  What is a go-giver

Focus on others is the best formula for business

Internally motivated but outwardly focused

Ethics: being selfless is selfish

Business is about how we make others feel

Benevolent context for everyone’s success

8:00 Collaboration is people with different skill sets complementing each other

Stories carry the message so they become implanted in us

Parables and allegories

14:00 Being a giver is not being a doormat

How Bob got his start

18:00 Knute Rockne -- invest in people

19:30 How do we get people to connect with our message?

Unconscious operating systems make us think others think like us

Value is in the eye of the beholder

Success begins by asking questions, then listening with every part of your body

24:00 Dialogues of the deaf

Paraphrasing establishes understanding and trust

25:30  Compromise is not the answer

First look for the win-win

27:00 Go-Giver success alliance

29:00 Finding and fostering successful partnerships

35:00 Word of the day: meliorism -- the belief that the world can be made better through effort

Don’t make making money your target; aim to serve others, and success will follow.

How do you make billions in 60 seconds?

How do you avoid becoming a bore, a snore, and a chore?

These and other urgent topics are addressed when Tongue-fu black belt Sam Horn joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://samhorn.com/

https://www.tonguefu.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/samhorn/

1:30  We want to do things worth doing

We succeed through community

Access to the successful is a shortcut to success

4:30  Ink it when you think it

If we don’t write down ideas when they enter our minds, we will lose them

Make your life your lab

You will make a difference in others’ lives

7:00 Ethics requires us to market the truth to benefit others

Be intriguing to get people on the hook

Infobesitiy vs. intrigue: a practical technique

Alliteration makes ideas memorable

Rhyme and rhythm

Crafting a message changes lives

14:00 tonality and musicality

Read out loud to self edit

Shift from undesirable to desirable

How can the study of ethics make us less ethical?

The qualities of E.T.H.I.C.S.

20:00 Our expertise is perceived by the clarity of our thoughts

How to not be a bore, snore, or chore

How to make billions in sixty seconds

The goal is to raise eyebrows

1.  Ask three “did you know” questions
2. “Imagine this…”
3. You don’t have to imagine

30:00 Words matter; every one of them

Don’t yell at a barking dog

What words can we use to get the desired behavior?

Ask for what we want

Real life examples have power

35:00 Why was the woman crying on the beach?

Arrogance vs. offerings

We have a responsibility to share the wisdom of our experience

39:00 How Tom got to Mission Control

Recognizing our abilities and accomplishments does not make us un-humble

What’s the greatest gift you can give someone else?

45:00 The word of the day: inconcinnity

lack of proportion and congruity; inelegance.

The way we phrase and frame our message determines how it is received

Showing order emerging from chaos is the way we broaden thinking

46:30 Too many people believe that happiness is selfish

Finding our gifts is the purpose of life; giving away our gifts is the meaning of life

Don’t wait until there’s no time left to do what you want to do

Grab your copy here:
Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real Couples

Connect with Claire on
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2:45
What I came up with is a book that is basically, what happy couples do as told in their own words.  It's the only book, I know of where all the expert advice comes from people who are only experts in their own relationship and what they do that makes them happy.

7:00 
When I was a younger person I looked at people who had been married for a while and I thought, okay they're just they're like on autopilot right?

29:00
it took a lot of time before they understood that's not who my husband is, this thing that I really wish my wife was doing? That's really not who she is so, can I just lay off of that and let her be more who she is, and then take more of a look at what am I doing? How could I change myself?  Could I change the way that I think about something because I have more control over that and just learn to love?

Can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?

Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?

These and other persistent questions are answered when practical philosopher and moral alchemist Cristina DiGiacomo joins the Rabbi and the Shrink

http://www.moralchemy.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/cristinadigiacomo/

1:00  How can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?

Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?

We are philosophers if we pursue authentic wisdoms

7:30 The handshake and the golden rule are examples of accessible philosophy

Philosophy is the love of wisdom and the way we look at life

Asking questions makes us philosophers

Philosophy is a matter of outlook and perspective

Our attitudes shape our perceptions

12:00  What are the benefits of asking questions?

You stop multitasking

Triggers serotonin

Questions lead to intentions which lead to outcomes

If we aren’t open to new insights, we can’t be ethical

17:00  When we know that we don’t know, we open ourselves up to possibilities

Too many people don’t recognize the relevance of ethics in their lives

19:30  When we face problems, ask where did we go wrong?

It’s easier to blame individuals that to question the system

The benefit of 12-step recovery programs

Mistakes help us become stronger and do better

24:30  Why aren’t people listening to me?

Are we connecting perception with reality?

What do the classical philosophers say to address our problems?

28:00  Asking questions preempts conflict and promotes self-reflection

Openness drives progress

The danger and opportunity of “yeah, but.”

32:00  The word of the day:  epistemology

How we know what we know

If arrive at the correct facts through faulty reasoning we may be setting ourselves up for future errors

We may need data now, but reason prepares us for the future

36:00 “The sage acts without pressure from within or without.”

The Hebrew word aliza can mean to relieve pressure or to apply pressure

Different situations call for different strategies to move us forward

What is one question you can ask yourself about your philosophy?

When we live from fear rather than from curiosity, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

Living out the essence of you in everything you do

3:30 What is a leader?  Someone who enables and empower others to fulfill their potential in a way that betters the world

Happiness emerges from a sense of working toward the fulfillment of purpose

5:00  How do you find your ikigai

Reflect on moments when you felt fulfilled

Visit your values, verbs, and verses

7:00 The five pillars include:

Choose to be grateful; we control our attitudes

Making a conscious choice to live in the moment

Forgive the past and yourself

10:00 Monotask: start somewhere small and work outward

Multitasking doesn’t work

Embrace the gift of small beginnings

Being busy as an excuse for not being productive

18:00 How do we forgive people who cause us pain and don’t ask for forgiveness?

First forgive yourself

Forgive without recovering trust

The harm we do ourselves by not forgiving

23:00 Without human integrity we disintegrate

Harmony and sustainability in how we live completes us so we can live healthy lives

By integrating our values into our mindset and behavior we become people of integrity

26:00 What are the five pillars?

Being present in the moment

Starting small

Joy of little things (gratitude)

Harmony and sustainability

Releasing yourself through forgiveness and reflection

We strive to uncover our essence

30:00 Shalom = harmony = all the pieces are in place and fuse into integration

The seven levels of spiritual maturity and completion

The conductor is the most important player in the orchestra

34:00  Blend your idiosyncrasies with your talents to become your best unique self

You don’t have to change yourself; you have to uncover who you truly are

38:00 Word of the Day: diapason

Originally, the organ stop that releases steam to produce sound

Now a burst of force that produces music 

Our ideal is to release our inner music

40:00 When we seek treasure, what will we do if we find it?

43:00 Post-interview conversation

A plant having very long roots that reach down to the water table or the layer above it

Our actions form the roots of our values, and our thoughts are the branches that soar heavenward.

2:00  The importance of preserving the integrity of language

We are what we say and what we think

Language is only as perfect as how we use it

Objective vs. subjective perception

8:00 Words are free, but it’s how you use them that costs

We get defensive when we don’t like what we hear

“You can do [even] better”

11:00  It’s risky to offer correction or disagree

Start with a smile

You can have high standards and still be pleasant

Smile at strangers

16:30  What’s the effect of grammar mistakes?

The power of positive speaking

Technology can bring us closer together

Accept people for where they are coming from

Look for the nobility in others

25:00  We’ve become more abrupt

We have a responsibility to choose our words carefully

30:00 Be curious

When you hear an accent, adjust expectations

“You’ll see the robot in the street”

33:00 Onomatopoeia -- a word that sounds like what it is

In Hebrew the same word means “word” and “thing”

Respecting the meaning of words is respecting reality

36:00 How do we further meaningful discussions that increase understanding

Listen to learn, not to respond

Everybody knows something you don’t

The sages teach:   Who is wise? One who learns from every person

39:00 How do you keep words fresh

Strike a balance between tradition and progression

Why can’t our language be poetic and elegant while preserving the integrity of words?

43:30  Should some of us impose usage on others?

Orwell’s vision of thought control through speech control

Choose to speak respectfully

All content © 2022 The Rabbi and The Shrink.

Give yourself permission to be yourself.

How do the rules of the war room apply to the rules of the boardroom?

What are the six phases of crisis response?

These and other compelling questions are addressed when retired Naval Commander Mary Kelly joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drmarykelly/

https://productiveleaders.com/

How can we transform our daily professional lives in five minutes a day?

Every morning ask yourself:  “What does my leadership need to look like today?”

Leadership skills prepare us to default to the right decision amidst chaos and confusion.

Proximity to greatness makes us great.

What are the ethics of self-sacrifice vs. scapegoating?

Use the Socratic method to correct bad behavior.

Influencing through facts vs. emotions.

Civility allows us to disagree while remaining friends.

Leaders have to create commonality and channel emotions in a healthy way.

Establish your reputation as a person of honor and integrity.

Value individuals for who they are, not for assumptions we make based on their identity labels.

The job of a team is to support decisions once they’re made even if we don’t like them.

Choosing character over ideology is key to success.

Earn trust and loyalty by admitting mistakes and take responsibility for them.

How do we balance hierarchical structure against individual initiative?

Word of the Day:  Martinet

• a strict disciplinarian, especially a military one.
• someone who stubbornly adheres to methods or rules

Successful leaders demand high standards and respect while showing respect and earning trust.

Kīnāʻole:  Do the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, in the right place, to the right person, for the right reason, and with the right feeling, the first time! In other words, “Just do the next right thing!”

How do we give and receive criticism in a way the builds trust and encourages improvement?

What is the alternative to flight or fight that promotes cooperation and collaboration?

These and other critical question for success in business and in life are answered when customer service maven Marilyn Suttle joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marilynsuttle/

https://marilynsuttle.com/

0:50 Wellbeing and security are critical to a healthy work environment for workers and customers

Ethics creates a culture of trust, solid relationships, and loyalty

Raising trust increases expectations, which is a good thing

Develop the skill set to deal with difficult and unexpected situations

Different values and styles need to be accommodated

6:00 Learned behavior is not easily unlearned

How do we handle it better when we get flustered and defensive?

We’re 100% responsible for 50% of every relationship

We make assumptions about the facts, which may or may not be true

We make up stories that create feelings by exploiting our unmet expectations

What outcome do we really want?

Clear communication often defuses conflict before it happens.

13:00 When we get into fight or flight, our biology hijacks our thinking and decision making

The other option is a challenge response, which can focus and motivate us

Being honest make us vulnerable, which is frightening but creates the potential for closeness

17:30 It’s all in the palm of your hand:

First impressions -- eliminate the potential for annoyance

Last impression

Manage high emotion moments

Marry yourself to your team and your customers

Measure and gauge -- feedback

21:15 Value their time and ask only for meaningful feedback and use it

How do you respond to criticism

Redirect attention toward the good to promote reframing

Take responsibility and show appreciation

27:00 Empower employees to address customer issues

Have someone to call to help you regain clarity

31:00 Different perspectives generate an ethical view

32:00 The word of the day:  pithy

We don’t want to reduce all ideas to soundbites, but we do want to be concise so our ideas have impact

34:00 Happiness is a profound concept that come from being part of something important

36:00 Tailor your customer care according to the needs of each customer

37:00 Blaming, complaining, and making excuses are responses that will not lead to improvement

The difference between responding and reacting

Get comfortable with silence or pausing

Counting to 10 reboots your brain

Resist the pressure to fill empty space without thinking first

The benefit of one, two, and three second pauses

The pauses are the most essential part of the class

It takes stress to allev

What signals are we sending out that promote or allow them to treat us badly?

Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?

These and other profoundly relevant questions are addressed when speaker and podcast host Scott Mason joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/smason1/

https://www.purposehighway.com/

1:00 People are responding to alienation by seeking meaning and purpose

Progress and purpose -- the source of happiness

You cannot pursue happiness

3:00 Make connections to build communities

Love emerges through giving and committing ourselves to a common purpose

A flame gives without giving anything up 

We should influence one another in a way that we improve one another

8:00 It’s a moral imperative to contribute light to the world

A lack of clarity or belief holds us back

Recognize your gifts so you can give

10:30 A leap into the unknown changed everything

A ride in the dark and the rain produced a service mindset

A new perspective brings new opportunities

Do we listen when we hear “the voice”?

The profound power of humility and opening ourselves to new possibilities

16:30 Be Theseus -- meet the challenges that will make you a hero

Get out of the comfort box

Build a circle of laughter and joy

Why is a safe place a place of terror?

21:00 Fight fear with fear

The power of shame

Recover balance to make the right decision by looking down all roads

23:00 Viewing the world as hostile makes us hostile

Embrace the challenges that are beyond our control and respond with what we can do with them

Radical accountability turns us into positive extremists

What signals are we sending out that promotes or allows them to treat us badly?

Is it possible that we share responsibility for how others treat us?

32:00 Irreconcilable differences?

Can individuals with foundationally different values connect civilly and cordially?

Absolute truth is truth, regardless of whether we like it or understand it

Living in a world where we don’t all agree on truth, we have to recognize the sincerity and good intentions of those with whom we disagree

37:00 Belief in our own soul is transformative

The nature of the universe transcends our ability to comprehend

Respect facts, logic, and reason

Seek commonality of belief and humanity before focusing on differences

Don’t be afraid of uncomfortable conversations

If you personalize every belief, you will find it impossible to coexist with others who have different beliefs

We need to disagree honestly in order to grow and be willing to revisit our beliefs

45:00 Befriending “adversaries” may bring us condemnation from our “allies”

Every human being is deserving of basic respect

Most of us are doing good things despite our shortcomings or errors

Principled compromise is not compromising our values

49:00  We have to be able to connect and to lead

Leadership is impossible without self confidence in who we are and what we believe

55:00 Word of the day: gorgonize

When we look for the ugliness in others, we petrify our own hearts

1:30 Changing one person’s mind contributes to a better world

It’s hard to sell ethics because people don’t have a definition and are scared by the word

Have an ethics icebreaker 

Ethics may not be simple, but don't  have to be complicated

6:00 Three ethical character types

The Big Me

The Ethical Rationalizer

The Everyday Ethicist

People who call themselves ethicists tend to be less ethical

10:00 Unethical behavior encourages others to behave unethically

Create your own ethical value statement or mantra

We can’t change our circumstances except by changing ourselves

14:30  Be ethically pro-active which is pro-self

Too many people don’t know their own values

16:00 Where do we start to put ethics into action?

We don’t have to be experts

Sometimes we’re scared to do what’s right

18:00 Individual, leadership, and organizational ethics

The seven deadly ethical sins

“Move fast and break things” mentality

Disingenuous leaders -- always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes

20:30 Have things really gotten worse?

We are definitely more self-absorbed today

We don’t feel shame, but we rush to shame others

The contradiction of AirBNB

24:15 Beware of conflicts of your own interest

Ethics is threatened by fear and entitlement

The ethics of COVID

Dan Ariely’s research: thinking of the 10 commandments makes us more honest

28:30 Find your trusted advisor

Facing and embrace your adversity

Teaching surly students in Budapest, Hungary

When we have to defend our behavior, we think more about our choices

33:00 Doing the right thing feels really good

Ethical discipline protects others and ourselves

38:00 The word of the day:  miscreate -- to produce in a way that is defective

Good intentions without disciplined execution can have disastrous results

40:00 Everyone deserves a better-than-good life

The benefit of a global perspective

Legal desegregation took years to take effect

Attacked for being a Cub Scout?

Learning about racism at age 10

How can you hate me if you don’t know me?

7:30 Responding to injustice and hate with genuine curiosity

Breadth of experience provides perspective to moderate our responses

10:00 Books and histories did not explain hate

Meeting the head of the American Nazi Party as a high school student

The coming race war?

“Joining” the Nazi rally before the White House

The “rationalism” of white supremacy

18:00 What happens when whites become the minority in the U.S.?

What does the fear of that do to people?

Charleston, PIttsburgh, El Paso

22:30 A chance encounter with the KKK

Here was the answer to the question

28:00 We have to know who we are

Exposure to different cultures and ideologies make us broader

The five values all humans want:

Love, respect, to be heard, to be treated fairly, we want those values for our families

A missed opportunity for dialogue is a missed opportunity for conflict resolution

33:00  Meeting the Imperial Wizard of the KKK

The “noise”

We all feel fear of the unknown, we are all relieved when that fear is removed

We hate what we don’t understand because it frightens us

Awareness of our collective ignorance can bring us together

Education cures ignorance, which cures fear, which cures violence

48:00 What can we all do to transcend and eliminate hate?

Spend time listening to people to learn who they are

Debate doesn’t bring people together; getting to know one another as human beings does

53:45 Music contains the key

Harmony allows our differences to become a source of strength and unity

57:00 The word of the day:  liminal

of, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a response

What if life had background music?

Any moment can offer the opportunity to change our lives and our world

Why is unlearning a greater challenge than learning, and how does it take leadership to a new level?

Why is genuine curiosity an essential component to an ethical culture?

These and other enlightening topics are addressed when renaissance leadership guru Jean Marie DiGiovanna joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeandigiovanna/

What does curling teach us about business and about life?

How do we steer away from chaos and crisis by preparing in times of calm?

These and other critical questions are addressed when Drop-in CEO Deb Coviello joins The Rabbi and the Shrink?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahacoviello/

If work-life balance isn't the cause of our stress, what is?

Can you reorder your stress environment

These and other urgent questions for our personal well-being when anti-stress guru Eliz Greene joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizgreene/

https://elizgreene.com/

1:00 Lessons from cardiac arrest while carrying twins

A bubble of contentment protects us from tragedy and trauma

Where we want to be vs. where we need to be

It’s harder to watch someone you love going through uncertainty

Denying our pain can be fatal

Subtle pain can be just as deadly as intense pain

9:00 Gauging early warning signs against the fear of hypochondria

Job stress can have consequences at home

What causes stress and what will relieve it?

Overwhelm and uncertainty

NOT work-life balance

95% of our efforts are trying to solve the wrong problem

15:00 Stress is good in crisis, but dangerous when chronic

We’re stressed about being stressed

First responders are most at risk for stress

Pay attention to what you’re experiencing

20:00 What we can do to release stress

Changing focus relieves our cortisol level

The power celebrating little victories

The time and place for stoicism

Problem-solvers are vulnerable to difficult-to-solve problems

Wonderful is not always relaxing

Unreasonable expectations are the source of anxiety

27:00  We don’t live in joy all the time

Joy vs. contentment

How to keep stress outside my bubble

The sticky note solution

Can you reorder your stress environment

Ethics requires us to balance our responsibilities to others and to ourselves

We can’t mortgage ours health for the benefit of the team

32:00  We don’t do what we should because we know we should

Visualize what-ifs and what-if-nots

“I will because…”

Meet the goal, know why it’s important, do it your own way

Rebuke = validation, if it’s done the right way for the right reasons

The power of reward systems

47:00 The Word of the Day:  Averted vision

We perceive brightness and color through the cones that are concentrated in the fovea, the central part of the eye.  Fainter objects are more easily detected by the rods, which occupy the outer regions of the eye and perceive dim, monochromatic light.

First alluded to by Aristotle, the phenomenon called averted vision allows us to process information by looking away from an object of interest, just as a filter makes it possible to study the nuances of the sun’s surface by eliminating the intense light that makes direct observation impossible.  Since the cones that make up the fovea register brighter light, we have to rely on the peripheral rods to capture subtleties of shading.  But that only works when we look away.

We can overlook what’s right in front of us no matter how important it is

Consequences live at the periphery of our vision

Looking away can help us see more clearly

How does the structure of our society complicate our problems?

Why does the stigma of mental health endure?

These and other critical questions are addressed when military mental health advocate William Negley joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/wwnegley/

https://sound-off.com/

1:00 How do we ensure mental health care for those who protect our country?

Sound off

Fighting stigma

Why chaplain care is not always enough

Filling in the gaps

Meeting people where they are

6:00 Why mental health stigma persists?

Bureaucracy, trust, complexity, desire for anonymity

Fear of blowback

10:00 The tragedy of crisis going unnoticed

What is the national security cost?

Meeting the need for anonymous care

Context creates awareness

23:00 What is the cause for explosion of PTSD

Does returning to a fractured society magnify the effects of trauma?

Lack of shared experience and resulting isolation

27:00 The ethics of responsibility

The ethics of awareness and guidance

How can we help?

Repaying our debt

When service itself places us among the vulnerable

The ethics of self-care

36:00 The word of the day: Pentimento

the presence or emergence of earlier images, forms, or strokes that have been changed and painted over

Mona Lisa is painted over multiple images

Our unseen layers shape and form who and what we become

By probing the underlayers with the intent to heal the whole person

When is bending norms the key to a healthy culture?

How do we avoid inadvertently projecting disrespect?

These and other highly relevant questions are addressed when neurodiversity expert Susan Fitzell joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanfitzell/

https://susanfitzell.com/

1:30 The origins of neurodiversity

Autism initiatives at Stanford

Executives and administrators were unprepared for working with the neurodiverse and neurodivergent

Asking questions and listening to answers opens doors and possibilities

5:30 Brains are wired differently from birth

We don’t always understand each other

Awareness and initiatives creates a vibrancy and multiplicity of perspective that sameness does not

Dyslexics as codebreakers

10:00 We hire for diversity but train for sameness

Efficiency often filters out talent and encourages a monolithic culture

We make mistaken judgments because we don’t respect differences

You will lose people because of harassment or mis-measuring

16:30 We may unconsciously project messages we don’t intend

Create a user’s manual or bio-deck for each employee

Morning check-ins

How accepting is our company culture

Are we providing options?

“Masking” increases stress

How kung-fu changed Susan’s life

26:00 The importance of asking for help

What do you do when you empty the transmission fluid instead of the oil?

Managers need to ask for help and ask the right person for help

We live in a world framed by a deficit mindset rather than a gift mindset

36:00 How do we promote diversity?

Address the issue to create the culture

Flexibility leads to success according to every metric

Concrete strategies -- Slack, chat, phone, email, etc.

Dress code flexibility

Brainstorm solutions

The perception of unfairness or arbitrariness promotes an unethical culture

48:00 The word of the day: Palimpsest

a parchment or the like from which writing has been partially or completely erased to make room for another text.

something that has a new layer, aspect, or appearance that builds on its past and allows us to see or perceive parts of this past

The Mona Lisa and many layers

Ogres are like onions

The importance of taking advantage of youth and remaining child-like in our learning

Why are we voyeurs of depravity rather than students of dignity?

Why are good-hearted leaders not more successful?

These and other critical questions are addressed when transformation guru Ron Carucci joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/roncarucci/

https://www.navalent.com/

1:45 The origins of truth, justice, and purpose

Why are good-hearted leaders not more successful?

Truth-telling makes all the difference

Tell the hero stories

Where does knowledge take us?  That is the road to wisdom

8:30 Why are we voyeurs of depravity rather than students of dignity?

Stories of heroes inspire heroism in us

11:00 Four preconditions for success

1. Be true to who you are -- unfulfilled values are destructive
2. Justice and accountability -- measuring intangible contributions with integrity
3. Governance -- make decisions honestly and transparently
4. Cross-functional relationships -- seamless cohesion and conflict resolution

If you’re good at all four, you’re 16 more likely to have a healthy and vibrant work culture

Honesty is not a trait, it’s a muscle

20:00 It’s so obvious, why don’t people get it?

Leaders believe these things will take care of themselves; THEY WON’T!

Good intentions are a good start, but design is what makes them happen

The Jewish triad of truth, justice, and kindness

Our brains are hardwired for these values, if we don’t short-circuit them

28:30 What’s one big first step?

Start with you: be honest about your dishonesty

Keep a journal of where your behavior needs improvement

What are the triggers, patterns, and conditions that set me up for failure?

32:00 The word of the day:  Casuistry (/ˈkæzjuɪstri/ KAZ-ew-iss-tree) 

a process of reasoning that seeks to resolve moral problems by extracting or extending theoretical rules from a particular case, and reapplying those rules to new instances. This method occurs in applied ethics and jurisprudence. 

Commonly used as a pejorative to criticize the use of clever but unsound reasoning, especially in relation to moral questions (as in sophistry)

Fact-driven decisions, not decision-driven facts

When is learning on the job dereliction of duty?

Do I really want to work for a company with a bad reputation?

These and other penetrating questions are addressed when auditing aficionado Julie Thompson joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://auditingalliance.org/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thejuliethompson/

3:00 Why is auditing the last line of defense?

Anticipate problems and prepare for when they inevitably happen

Trust but verify --  no gotcha

Like ethics, auditing calls for constant improvement

Do you want to work for or with a company with a poor reputation?

The power of objective opinion

8:45 What makes a good (or ethical) auditor?

Am I qualified for the job being offered?

Pressure to overlook problem situations as “outliers”

Downplaying as “low-risk”

Neglect in one area implies neglect in another

Van Halen and the red M&Ms

15:30 Covid masks on airlines or in places of business

Lasting effects and oversight

Internal vs. 3rd party follow up

23:00 What happens when people who are responsible aren’t responsible?

Inexperience = insecurity

Fear of asking questions or inefficiency

The enemies of ethics

Rationalization, fear, and deflection

The whistleblower’s dilemma

David and Goliath

32:00 The word of the day:  contumacious

stubbornly perverse or rebellious; willfully and obstinately disobedient.

Mark Twain’s three kinds of lies

We have to have a sincere desire to do what’s right

Judaism’s internal self-audit

2:00 What is Ikigai?

Your reason for getting up in the morning

Living in the moment of doing what you are uniquely created to do

Doors open naturally when we are aligned with our true purpose

4:00 Is this different from living according to God’s will?

Living your essence in the best way you can

Disintegration is the opposite of integrity

Finding our balancing point between focus on our higher purpose and focus on our community

9:00 What is MOAI?

Connection to family, friends, and community

11:00 How David found his Ikigai

What came to him in a dream

Looking back, we see how seemingly disconnected events are connected by a common thread

The blessing of Providence and serendipity appear when we pay attention

20:00 What to do if you feel you’re wasting your life

The power of self-reflection and monotasking

Distraction and FOMO destroy productivity

27:00 More views, less news

Set priorities and eliminate noise

Don’t let the media manipulate you and steal your time

Feeling alive vs. true living

We uncover rather than discover our true selves

38:00 The word of the day:  hedonic adaptation

the return to our emotional default settings that follows experiential peaks and valleys

We conflate pleasure with happiness

It’s not moments of elation but the differentiation between states of being

Lottery winners are no happier than paraplegics

45:00 Start small to go big

Invest in yourself and believe that your essence is there waiting for you to uncover it

Begin working to define your purpose

Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/

https://www.melissahughes.rocks/

2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the future

From 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcher

We all have access to information; how are we using it?

6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?

Traditional hierarchy vs. teams

Psychological safety and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

We all want to feel that we belong

Innovation is all about challenging the status quo

“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”

11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every person

We have to know what works, but also what doesn’t work

Obstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challenges

Leaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving

15:00 The best way to learn is to teach

We all teach and we all learn

We all contribute and we’re all recognized

The brain doesn’t differentiate between physical and emotional threats

Diversity of perspective leads to full understanding

What’s the greatest gift we can give?

19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and control

Patterns and self-fulfilling prophecies

We notice what we’re looking for

Would I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?

Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 

25:00 The brain’s bouncer

The brain let’s in what we tell it to

29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrative

serving to foreshadow; faintly indicative

We create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

Are we flawed or are we human?

How does nurturing ourselves benefit our businesses?

These and other urgent questions are addressed when joyful living guru Cordelia Gaffar joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/cordelia-gaffar/

http://cordeliagaffar.com/

2:00  The value of joy-mongering and joy-bonding

Elevate our interactions rather than being transactional

Joy is a function of growth, progress, purpose and connection

Our vocabulary creates our world

How joy addresses the lack of trust in business

The corrosive effect of tracking software

9:00 How nurturing ourselves benefits our businesses

Different kinds of rest, diet, and exercise are essential to a joyful disposition

Emotions and thoughts influence and are influenced by our state of being

We have more control over thoughts than feelings and most control over our actions

14:00 Doubt, frustration, isolation, powerlessness depress our attitude and performance

The complexity of “safe spaces”

Culture flows top-down, modeling trusting behavior promotes a culture of trust

Experimentation is the human condition

19:00 Clear communication leads to productive cooperation and collaboration

Why do we choose not to be clear?

We have to know who we are and who others are

Are we flawed or are we human?

Vulnerability promotes trust

Ally-ship and followership

The value of silence

29:00 The word of the day: sesquipedalian 

polysyllabic; long.

• characterized by long words; long-winded.

We need to communicate in a way that strikes a balance between concise and thorough