Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Kevin Franke on Healing, Self-Trust, and Life After Ruby Franke, Jodi Hildebrandt, and 8 Passengersode

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 05:00:00 -0500

In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks Podcast I sit down with Kevin Franke, former husband of Ruby Franke from the 8 Passengers family vlog, as he shares his lived experience inside a high-control marriage and cult-like system connected to therapist Jodi Hildebrandt.

During our conversation, Kevin speaks openly about how emotional vulnerability, religious culture, and misplaced trust created the conditions for manipulation, gaslighting, and isolation. Listen to understand how cult dynamics develop inside families, relationships, and belief systems, and why even intelligent, capable people can become trapped in these environments.

Kevin Franke reflects on the rise and fall of 8 Passengers, his marriage to Ruby Franke, the psychological control exerted by Jodi Hildebrandt, and the devastating personal consequences that followed, including loss of identity, faith confusion, PTSD symptoms, and public scrutiny. He also shares what healing has looked like since leaving the system, rebuilding self-trust, reconnecting with safe relationships, and creating a life grounded in agency and emotional health.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and find out how to work with me on my website at drjuliehanks.com/coaching. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

Surviving Mormonism's David Matheson - former LDS Conversion Therapist

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 07:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I sit down with David Matheson, a former LDS conversion therapist who is now openly gay. You may recognize David from episode 1 of Bravo’s Surviving Mormonism with Heather Gay.

In our conversation, David opens up about his own experience as a client in conversion therapy, the harmful assumptions that shaped that world, and the moment he realized that no amount of effort would change his sexual orientation. We also talk about the tender complexity of mixed-orientation marriages, his personal coming-out process, and what he would say today to the clients he once tried to help in ways he now knows were damaging.

If you’re navigating your own faith expansion, supporting a loved one who has come out, or simply wanting to understand these experiences with more compassion, this episode offers a gentle, grounded space to listen and learn.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining The Dr. Julie Hanks Gorup Coaching Community at drjuliehanks.com/community. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

Differentiation of Self: The Key to Wise Decision Making Regarding the LDS Church with Valerie Hamaker Episode

Tue, 17 Sep 2024 03:00:00 -0400

This bonus episode is for anyone who is looking to better understand their personal relationship with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Listen as Ask Dr. Julie Hanks combines with the Latter-day Struggles podcast for a special episode all about moving forward with the LDS Church in the healthiest way for you.

If you aren’t sure how to move forward in your relationship with the LDS Church, Valerie and I are hosting a discussion series just for you. This 4-week Q&A series will help you better understand what you want your relationship with the Church to look like. We will show you how differentiation of self can help you develop a healthy relationship with the Church regardless of if you choose to stay or leave.

Listen for a taste of what you'll get when you sign up for this 4-week discussion series all about supporting those who are perplexed about how to relate to the LDS Church.

The sessions will include a Q&A and instruction on practical ways to develop differentiation skills in your life, which can improve all your relationships--not just your relationship with the Church.

Each one-hour session is held remotely via Zoom. Spots are limited, so don’t wait to sign up. First session held October 8th.

Four one-hour sessions with two therapists is an absolute steal of a deal. While this series is valued at $2,000, you can sign up today for only $169

Secure your spot (limited availability) today at https://drjuliehanks.as.me/decide

Join my Patreon DJH Insiders https://www.patreon.com/drjuliehanks/

How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?

Tue, 28 May 2024 03:00:00 -0400

In today's episode I talk with Saren and answer the question “How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?” Saren is trying to reconcile letting her child be a part of something that she has chosen to leave behind while also respecting her daughter’s agency. To top it off, her daughter has had a difficult time with her mother’s decision to leave the Church.

We discuss strategies—like debriefing after church and staying in contact with her daughter’s teachers—that can help Saren and her daughter discuss spiritual matters while also keeping a pulse on what she is learning.

This is a great opportunity for Saren to help her daughter develop skills like critical thinking, self trust, and sense of self. They are in different places spiritually, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t maintain a deep and genuine relationship. By being true to herself, Saren is modeling how to individualize spirituality and experience continual growth.

How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?

Tue, 14 May 2024 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I meet with Kellice and answer the question “How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?” Kellice wants to choose a sustainable career to support herself and her boys, but she isn’t sure where to start. How can she be sure she isn’t going to make the wrong decision?

I challenge Kellice to consider that there may be more than one path for her to choose. Feeling like there is one best choice—and that you will suffer if you don’t find it—is a common and paralyzing dynamic. But what if there isn’t just one path? What if you get to choose what you want? The reality is that there are many careers Kellice could enjoy. And if she picks something and isn’t happy, she doesn’t have to be stuck. It’s never too late to evolve and choose again.

Bonus Episode: Stepping back from the LDS Church? How to do so in a Psychologically Healthy Way with Valerie Hamaker

Tue, 30 Apr 2024 03:00:00 -0400

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries.

Stepping back? How to Leave in a Psychologically Healthy Way

If you choose to leave and want to protect your mental health, Valerie and I are hosting a discussion series just for you. This 4-week Q&A discussion series will help you find clarity, set boundaries, maintain relationships, and build community.

The discussion covers potential challenges such as navigating changes in relationships with family and the larger community, managing internalized beliefs and fears, and the grief that accompanies leaving one's spiritual community.

Each hour session is held remotely via Zoom. Spots are extremely limited, so don’t wait to sign up.

Four hour-long sessions with two therapists is an absolute steal of a deal. While this series is valued at $2,000, you can sign up today for only $169.

Stepping back from the Church? Join us here

How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 03:00:00 -0400

Listen as I chat with Alyssa and answer the question “How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?” Alyssa and her husband reevaluated the lessons they were taught about marriage and have worked to move toward a partnership model. She feels angry when she thinks about the time she lost living in a patriarchal marriage and sad when she thinks about her past self who didn’t feel empowered.

I invite Alyssa to allow herself to feel the anger that comes up when she thinks about what she lost. Pushing the anger away will only prolong her healing.

No experience is wasted. There are opportunities Alyssa didn’t have in a patriarchal marriage, and she also gained certain experiences during that time that help her to be who she is today. There are opportunities wasted, but the work that she has been doing is still meaningful. Caring for a home and family is meaningful work. And now she gets to do it consciously and with balance while building a life she loves.

How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?

Tue, 26 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0400

In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel fulfilled while doing it). And when she is at home with her kids, she feels like she should be working harder.

I point out that Mallory is carrying around a lot of “shoulds.” We unpack why she struggles to prioritize her needs and wants. We also do an exercise that could be helpful for those listening if you also struggle with the guilt that comes from feeling there are things that you “should” be doing.

How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?

Tue, 19 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Diana and answer the question “How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?” Diana is not okay with either herself or her child sleeping there because years ago, her father-in-law was arrested for child molestation. Her husband has struggled to respect this boundary.

Diana and I roleplay a conversation with her husband where she holds this boundary firm. She has the right to say no to sleepovers, to trust her intuition, and to set this boundary. Her husband does not have to understand or agree for her to set this boundary, even if it makes things awkward for a time. Diana’s number one job is to keep her child safe.

How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be committing to.

Christine and I unpack her concerns and I challenge the thought that her daughter has to be totally “ready” to commit to baptism before she moves forward with it. We also chat about how Christine and her husband can help their daughter develop her sense of self, how they can teach her the values that are important to them, and how they can encourage their daughter to avoid the rigid thinking that is sometimes common in the LDS Church.

How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?

Tue, 05 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode I talk with Sylvia and answer the question “How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?” Sylvia shares the story of a painful experience at Church that has left her wondering if she sustains her leaders. In fact, she has chosen not to renew her temple recommend because she isn’t sure if she can sustain her current bishopric.

The word sustain has two main definitions. I used to think that sustain meant agree, but I see the word differently now. We talk about what the word actually means, and I invite Sylvia to consider what it would mean if it were okay for her to disagree with her leaders. Ultimately, we each get to decide what it means to us to sustain.

How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?

Tue, 27 Feb 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why.

Nicole and I talk about how to have a meaningful life with or without children, if it matters at the end of the day if she does want kids because it’s what she’s always assumed her future would hold, and how important it is to develop herself in every stage of life. She comes away from our conversation with a clarity on what she wants for her future—give this episode a listen to hear what she decides.

How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?

Tue, 13 Feb 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In today’s episode I chat with Morgan and answer the question “How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?” Morgan describes what interactions with her mother-in-law are typically like, and from what I hear it sounds like Morgan is doing a good job interacting with her. From my perspective, the bigger problem is between Morgan and her husband.

There are important conversations Morgan and her husband need to have regarding boundaries and his family. Until she and her husband have basic agreements about what is appropriate to say or do when it comes to his family, there’s not a lot Morgan can do except distance herself from her mother-in-law to avoid being hurt.

How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?

Tue, 06 Feb 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In today’s episode, I talk with Kelly and answer the question “How do I learn to trust myself when I feel a disconnect between what I learn in therapy and what I hear at Church?” I know that a lot of listeners are going to relate to our discussion.

Kelly shares that she feels two parts of her life—therapy and the Church—have been influential and helpful, but that they are currently at odds. During our time together we talk about Fowler’s Stages of Faith and how Kelly is moving from trusting external authority (sources like Church leaders or teachers) to trusting internal authority (trusting herself to know what is best for her life).

It’s confusing to have conflicting messages from two important things in your life, and it takes practice to sort through these feelings. I invite Kelly to give herself grace as she learns how to trust herself and reframe her thinking.

How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?

Tue, 30 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

Listen as I talk with Jennifer and answer the question “How can I be present when grief is always reminding me of what could have been?“ Jennifer shares the story of her relationship, her husband’s cancer diagnosis, and her experience of being a new mom of twins while navigating the grief of losing her husband. Now, five years later, she feels split between being present in her daily life and grieving the life she didn’t get to live with her late husband.

Jennifer and I talk more about what it really means to be present in her life. She describes the cloud she feels hanging over her, reminding her of what could have been. We discuss how accepting that her family looks different doesn’t dishonor her late husband—it can help her find more peace with her current reality.

You can find Jennifer on Instagram @cocoscaravan

Bonus Episode: How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy Way with Valerie Hamaker

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to stay in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to stay in the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries.

Choosing to Stay? How to Stay Connected to the LDS Church in a Psychologically Healthy Way

If you choose to stay and want to protect your mental health, Valerie and I are hosting a discussion series just for you. This 4-week Q&A discussion series will help you find clarity, set boundaries, and stay connected to the LDS Church in a psychologically healthy way.

Bring your questions about your complex relationship with the Church, including:

Difficult family relationships
Trust crisis about Church history & doctrine
Feelings of betrayal
Struggles with social justice issues (women, BIPOC, LGBTQ)
Benefits of Church participation

Each two-hour session is held remotely via Zoom. Spots are extremely limited, so don’t wait to sign up.

Four two-hour sessions with two therapists is an absolute steal of a deal. While this series is valued at $2,000, you can sign up today for only $169.

Choosing to stay in the Church but want to do it in a psychologically healthy way? Let us help you.⁠

Secure your spot (limited availability) today

Has my Latter-day Saint upbringing impacted my sexuality?

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In this podcast episode I talk with Mary and answer the question “Has my Latter-day Saint (LDS) upbringing impacted my sexuality?” I tell Mary that her LDS upbringing most likely has impacted her sexuality—but that is true for any person. During our time together we explore the specific ways that LDS culture may have influenced her development.

Mary would prefer to date women, but she is not sure if that fits within her values. We spend some time dissecting the difference between values and beliefs and we do an exercise to help Mary differentiate between her own thoughts and the things she has been taught.

What can I do to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?

Tue, 09 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question, “In the classroom, what techniques can I use to stop comparing myself to others and start fostering a growth mindset?” Sarah just started attending school after a 5-year break, and she has found herself worrying that she isn’t smart enough to be there.

Having mixed feelings about trying something new is totally normal. I invite Sarah to recognize her negative feelings and then let them go. She may worry that she isn’t smart enough, but the fact that she worries about it does not make it true. I encourage Sarah not to let fear stop her from following her dreams. Fear is just part of the process. There is another part of her that believes she can do this—and that part is right.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode I talk with Ben Schilaty and answer the question “How can I help my LGBTQ+ friends who are in pain because they feel like they don’t belong in the LDS Church?” Ben’s question stems from his own experience of being a gay member of the LDS Church and from seeing loved ones in the LGBTQ+ community struggle to feel like they have a place in the Church.

Ben and I talk about what he does now to try and help his friends. He shares that he’s a great listener, but that sometimes it’s hard to do so without taking on their feelings himself or explaining those feelings away. We talk about trusting others to find the answers to their own problems, how pride sometimes gets in the way of being a good listener, how to let ourselves feel difficult feelings, and more.

Ben is a fellow therapist, podcast host, author, and Instagram personality. You can keep up with him in the following places:

Questions from the Closet podcast
Instagram @benschilaty

How do I have conversations with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?

Tue, 19 Dec 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I sit down with Amanda and answer the question, “How do I talk with my husband about expectations for behavior at Church and contributing at home?” Amanda’s husband often has his phone out during Church and doesn’t like singing along to the hymns. She recognizes that as an adult, he gets to choose how to worship. But she still wishes he wouldn’t do these things. I tell Amanda that it’s okay to have expectations, but that it is better to focus those expectations on herself. It’s not her job to change her husband’s patterns of worship.

What she and her husband can work on together, however, is striving for a partnership marriage. Amanda works full time, manages the majority of the household chores, and does much of the parenting when she and her husband are both home. She is feeling overwhelmed and burned out. We roleplay a conversation she could have with her husband and discuss how she can give some of her responsibilities to him to manage.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?

Tue, 05 Dec 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I sit down with Emma and answer the question, “How can I talk about modesty to my tween step-daughter without undermining the contradictory thoughts of her mother?” Emma views modesty as a broad topic that covers how we think and behave, while her step-daughter’s mom ascribes to stricter dress code rules. They have different opinions, and Emma wants to be respectful of that while also upholding different rules in her own home.

I tell Emma that it’s okay for her step-daughter to have different rules at different houses. Kids are resilient. She and her husband can sit down with their daughter’s mom and her husband to see where each couple can give and take to align on the rules, but there will still be some differences between the two houses. And her step-daughter will be okay as she learns to navigate the differences. The most important thing is that she feels loved at each house.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Beth and answer the question, “Should I try and save a friendship that’s ending because my family left the Church?” Beth’s family has a group of friends that get together several times a year for fun trips. After the news came out that Beth’s family is leaving the Church, it’s felt like these friends want nothing to do with them.

I encourage Beth to go toward the awkward. It’s likely that these friends are making up stories about what leaving the Church means for Beth’s family. By initiating conversations and inviting them to spend time together, Beth and her family can show her friends that they’re still the same people they know and love.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

Bonus: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard Counting the Costs Pt 2.

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

This is part 2 of a 2-part interview with Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard. If you haven’t listened to part 1, I recommend starting there..

In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little differently.

Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard.

You may be familiar with Jill from her time on the hit reality tv show 19 Kids and Counting, but Jill is so much more than a tv personality. She is also a wife, mother, follower of Christ, an author, and so much more.

Before meeting with Jill and Derick, I asked my Instagram audience what questions they had for the couple. Listen for answers to your questions, like “How did you separate God and Christ from the lessons you were taught growing up?” and “How are you doing things differently than you were raised as you teach your own children”?

As you listen, you’ll hear us frequently mention Jill’s latest book, Counting the Cost. I have loved reading more about her life experiences in this book. To get a copy for yourself, click here (affiliate link).

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my

Bonus: Interview with Jill Duggar and Derick Dillard - On 'Counting the Cost' and Living Life in the Public Eye

Tue, 14 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, we’re doing things a little different. Instead of hosting a guest and answering their questions, I am honored to be joined by two special guests who I get to interview: Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard.

As you listen, you’ll hear us frequently mention Jill’s latest book, Counting the Cost. I have loved reading more about her life experiences in this novel. To get a copy for yourself, click here (affiliate link).

This episode went longer than the typical episode on my podcast, so our interview is broken up into two parts. Be sure to subscribe to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast so you don’t miss part 2, which will come out on Friday, November 17th.

And if you don’t want to wait, join my Group Coaching Membership for immediate access to part 2 of this incredible podcast. I’ll even throw in one month free with code JILL. Go to drjuliehanks.com/membership now to join.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my

How do I cope with the disappointment that motherhood is not what I expected it to be?

Tue, 07 Nov 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode I meet with Molly and answer the question, “How do I cope with the disappointment that motherhood is not what I expected it to be?” Molly recently finished her graduate studies and was planning on starting a new job, but has instead found herself as a full-time caregiver to her son who was born with health challenges.

On the one hand, Molly is grateful to have this extra time with her son. On the other hand, she feels disappointed she wasn’t able to start work. Part of her feels unfulfilled, and she’s having a hard time navigating the loss of the life she thought she would have.

Molly is carrying a heavy burden, and it sounds like she needs a little more support so she can focus on her own needs. It’s important for Molly’s needs to be met so she can take the best care of her son and they can both thrive. We discuss ways she can build this support into her life, whether it be joining a mother’s group, volunteering, or working a few hours a week.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Empowering children to develop their own spirituality with Valerie Hamaker

Tue, 31 Oct 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I’m joined by Valerie Hamaker from Latter Day Struggles Podcast. We discuss the importance of open dialogue with children, the case-by-case approach to parenting, and the significance of considering a child's well-being and spiritual growth.

We also explore the complexities of navigating religion and belief systems within the family dynamic, addressing topics such as attending church, temple garments, mixed-faith marriages, and teaching children how to think for themselves.

This thought-provoking conversation offers valuable insights on fostering healthy relationships, embracing differing perspectives, and creating a safe and loving environment for children to explore their own spirituality. Don't miss this episode that brings together love, faith, and the intricacies of modern-day parenting.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I meet with Lianne and answer the question, “How can I accept that I would have chosen differently in the past if I knew what I know now?” Lianne is getting ready to re-enter the workforce now that her youngest is in daycare, and she wishes that she had gotten her master’s degree before becoming a full-time mom.

I advise Lianne to find compassion for the young woman she was when she made the decision to not pursue her master’s degree. I also invite her to grieve. It’s okay to wish things were different and to feel sad about it. We discuss how it is possible to have gratitude for her life now and to feel sad that she didn’t get her master’s degree before she had children. One feeling does not negate the other.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?

Tue, 10 Oct 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Jess and answer the question, “How do I deal with fear of judgment in the Church?” Jess especially worries about what others think of her clothing choices. This has impeded her from fully enjoying activities ranging from attending Church to going to the beach with her family.

I ask Jess to do the following when she notices herself worrying about her clothing: notice that she is worried, and accept the thought without judgment. I also invite Jess to consider getting a mental health assessment. This perfectionistic mindset has run her life for years, and there are tools out there to help ease that burden of worry.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?

Tue, 26 Sep 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with DJ and answer the question, “How do I prevent burnout as a working mom?” DJ is finishing up her maternity leave, and she feels nervous about going back to work. There is so much on her plate, and it feels like something needs to be deprioritized as she re-enters the workspace. The only problem is, there isn’t anything that can be pushed to the side.

I ask DJ how she and her husband share responsibilities at home and advise her to have a conversation with her husband about division of labor. When they’re both home, it’s okay to expect him to do 50% of the work that needs to get done. DJ is going to be working full-time hours; it’s not realistic for her to be in charge of everything at home.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I fall in love with my life again as a new mother?

Tue, 12 Sep 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Angie and answer the question, “How can I fall in love with my life again as a new mother?” Angie sometimes feels grief when she thinks of how her life used to be. It almost feels like she missed out on being young by getting married and having children in her early 20s. Overall, she wants to learn how to live this stage of life and feel like herself again.

Angie shares that before she had her baby, she looked forward to spending time with friends and being social. While she still loves this, it sometimes feels out of reach. Between her old friends not being in the same stage of life and other mothers feeling older or too different to be relatable, Angie feels lonely.

I challenge Angie to be curious about other mothers instead of feeling like they have to be the same age in order to connect. What can she learn from other women? What do they have in common? One great part of motherhood is that it can bond you to other moms, no matter your ages.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I recognize a healthy romantic connection when I have one?

Tue, 29 Aug 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Hannah and answer the question, “How can I recognize a healthy romantic connection when I have one?” Hannah describes a theme from her past relationships where she’s often felt like she has to be perfect in order to receive love. This pattern dates back to her childhood relationship with her father.

I tell Hannah that we tend to replay our early relationships in our romantic relationships. In some ways, it’s life telling us that we need to heal a past wound. Healing is possible through therapy, inner child work, choosing healthier relationships, and striving to be more authentic—the latter of which she is actively doing in her current relationship.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: The lasting impact of Benson's "To the Mothers in Zion" with Valerie Hamaker

Tue, 22 Aug 2023 03:00:00 -0400

For this special episode of the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, I sat down with Valerie Hamaker of the Latter Day Struggles podcast and discussed the talk “To the Mothers in Zion” by President Ezra Taft Benson. This talk played a significant role in shaping our development and faith—and we had a lot to share.

Valerie and I discussed how as a result of this talk, many Latter-day Saint women felt they had no choice but to be stay-at-home mothers. For some of these women, this meant abandoning professional or educational aspirations in pursuit of a life someone else decided they should live.

And for those who decided to have a career—women like myself—things weren’t any easier. As a result of the conflict between President Benson’s words and my own God-given desire to be a therapist, I have carried a lot of shame and confusion throughout my life. Was I sinning by living the life that I want to live?

Motherhood is an amazing and beautiful thing to be a part of. Motherhood is also a choice. In fact, it is one of many choices. We can value motherhood and trust women’s desires to also have hobbies, careers, education, and more. One does not have to come at the expense of the other.

You can watch my TEDx talk mentioned in the podcast here.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media

How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?

Tue, 08 Aug 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Cassie and answer the question “How can I find support for myself as my husband heals from a traumatic childhood?” Cassie’s husband is actively working on healing from this trauma, but there are times when she feels like her wants and needs have to take a back seat until he is better.

The story that Cassie has to put everything on hold while her husband heals is not true. She cannot wait to focus on herself and find the support she needs because she needs it now. We discuss different ways she can build connection and support into her everyday life, from scheduled nights with friends to journaling when her husband is emotionally unavailable and allowing herself to do less in her everyday life.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I validate myself in my struggles with secondary infertility?

Tue, 25 Jul 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I talk with Moriah and answer the question “How do I validate myself in my struggles with secondary infertility?” Moriah has two children from a previous relationship, but she and her husband of four years have been unable to have a child of their own. She is in a unique position where she belongs to the infertility community but feels guilty for struggling with that heartache when she already has two children.

Moriah wants to have a biological child with her husband. That is a legitimate desire. I ask her if she can hold the fact that she has two children who she loves deeply and that she is sad she hasn’t been able to have another child with her husband. Wanting another child does not mean she is less grateful for her children; it means she has an unmet hope that she has to grieve.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I share my doubts about the LDS Church with my family?

Tue, 11 Jul 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Michelle and answer the question “How do I share my doubts about the LDS Church with my family?” Michelle’s parents are both very religious, and she is unsure how to share the news of her faith journey with them.

Part of being honest about where you are on a faith journey is often disappointing your parents. This is especially hard for Michelle who has felt pressure to be one of her parents’ children who stays in the faith. We talk about how she will lose that role in her family when she tells her parents, and that that will be sad. It’s okay for her to grieve that role, and it’s also okay for her to be true to herself.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session. You can also join my group coaching membership where I host three live group coaching sessions per month covering the topics that matter to you the most.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my membership and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How do I come to terms with my last baby entering toddlerhood?

Tue, 27 Jun 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Kelsey and answer the question, “How do I come to terms with my last baby entering toddlerhood?” She is feeling a sense of loss as her third child leaves the baby stage behind. Instead she wants to be able to feel more joy as her child grows and develops.

I tell Kelsey that the emotions she is experiencing are totally normal, especially for women who had difficult or complicated births and recoveries like she did. It’s common for there to be a sense of loss because she didn’t experience what she expected to in the newborn phase with each of her children.

If you have a question you’d like to hear me answer in a future FAQ podcast episode, email it to me with the subject line “Podcast Question” at hello@drjuliehanks.com.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session. You can also join my group coaching membership where I host three live group coaching sessions per month covering the topics that matter to you the most.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I step away from a friendship without hurting my friend’s feelings?

Tue, 13 Jun 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Sarah and answer the question “How can I step away from a friendship without hurting my friend’s feelings?” Sarah feels like it is time to distance herself from both a group of friends and an individual friend because the relationships are no longer helpful in her life.

It’s hard to break up with a friend without hurting their feelings. I invite Sarah to think about the fact that their hurt feelings are theirs to process; she is not responsible for their reaction. Sarah can be sensitive, reassure her friends, and explain things if she wants to. But she cannot prevent them from feeling pain. Part of this hard conversation is going to involve her being honest and sensitive while also allowing her friends to experience their own feelings.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session. You can also join my group coaching membership where I host three live group coaching sessions per month covering the topics that matter to you the most.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: “How do I claim my sexuality?” with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and Dr. Julie Hanks

Tue, 30 May 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She answered the question, “How do I claim my sexuality?” Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a relationship and sexuality educator and coach as well as a licensed clinical professional counselor. She has resources on her website to help you achieve greater satisfaction and passion within your emotional and sexual relationship.

During our time together we cover a wide range of topics from embracing sexuality in or out of a relationship, navigating a relationship where the partners have different desires, and even masturbation.

All during June we’re talking about claiming your sexuality in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership. It’s an affordable way to work with me and be part of a community of women who are striving for emotional health.

For $39/mo (a fraction of the price of therapy or 1:1 coaching) you get: 3 group coaching sessions(sessions are recorded to view anytime), access to all of my courses (including the NEW Boundaries course), private Facebook community of women, access to all past group coaching calls and more!

Start your membership today at drjuliehanks.com/membership

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse my

Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions Pt. 4

Tue, 16 May 2023 03:00:00 -0400

This week Richie joins me as I answer more of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to hear answers to questions like:

Is my grief over infertility related to the teaching that the most important thing for me to be is a mother?
Does your husband agree with everything you post?
Is lasting change possible?
How do I overcome imposter syndrome?
How do navigate my personal growth while also supporting my children?

If you have a question you’d like to hear me answer in a future FAQ podcast episode, email it to me with the subject line “Podcast Question” at hello@drjuliehanks.com.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session. You can also join my group coaching membership where I host three live group coaching sessions per month covering the topics that matter to you the most.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my membership and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

Do I have to end my friendship with a family member’s ex now that they are divorced?

Tue, 02 May 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode I talk with Heidi and answer the question “Do I have to end my friendship with a family member’s ex now that they are divorced?” Heidi grew very close with the person who married into her family, and after that marriage ended Heidi’s family member asked her to cut contact with their ex. Heidi wants to be respectful, but she also really misses her friend.

I advise Heidi that her family member does not get to make decisions about Heidi’s relationships. They get to decide not to be married to this person, but they do not get to decide if Heidi can still be their friend. If she wants to, Heidi can reinitiate her friendship.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

What do I do when my friends and family won’t acknowledge my vulnerable faith deconstruction work?

Tue, 18 Apr 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I talk with Valerie and answer the question “What do I do when my friends and family won’t acknowledge my vulnerable faith deconstruction work?” Valerie is a fellow therapist and podcaster. She has been struggling with negative feedback from strangers about her podcast about faith deconstruction and a lack of feedback from friends and family.

I tell Valerie that any bad reviews from strangers—while difficult to read—are not about her. They are about her work, and she is not her work. Her work is a vulnerable expression of who she is, but it is not who she is.

The same principle applies to her family and friends’ lack of willingness to talk about the topics she covers in her podcast: She is not her work. If someone doesn’t want to talk about her work, it does not mean that they are rejecting her. I invite her to ask her family and friends for what she wants out of their relationship and to create more separation between her and her work.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I build confidence and not let self-doubt hold me back from achieving my goals?

Tue, 04 Apr 2023 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I talk with Stacy and answer the question “How can I build confidence and not let self-doubt hold me back from achieving my goals?” Stacy is studying to become a therapist, and she wants to build up her confidence so that it doesn’t fluctuate based on feedback from other people like her supervisor or family.

Stacy tells me that sometimes she feels that she will have confidence once she’s perfect. We talk about how this equation is setting her up to never feel the confidence she wants. I share that after 30 years as a therapist, if I had to perfect and know everything I would still have no confidence because it’s impossible for me to be perfect. Thinking you have to be perfect before you can be confident actually sets you up for failure! Instead of trying to be perfect, I invite her to examine whether or not she is growing.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions Pt. 3

Tue, 21 Mar 2023 03:00:00 -0400

I’m excited to bring you another FAQ podcast episode! Join me as I sit down with Richie and answer more of your frequently asked questions. Tune in to hear answers to questions like:

How do I stand up for myself with in-laws who want me to be traditional and politically conservative when I am neither of those things?
How can I help my daughters know their worth?
Who am I anymore without children to care for? How do I transition from full-time stay-at-home mom to whatever I am currently?
How can I be a partner to my husband without constantly nagging him to do things?
And more!

In this episode, we discuss a book called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. Fair Play is an excellent resource for couples who want their relationship to be founded in partnership. You can click the link below (affiliate link) to purchase a copy

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

If you have a question you’d like to hear me answer in a future FAQ podcast episode, email it to me with the subject line “Podcast Question” at hello@drjuliehanks.com.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media

Bonus: How Do I Stop Seeking Others’ Approval with Dr. Jen (March theme)

Tue, 07 Mar 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Jennifer Douglas about March’s theme in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership: How do I stop seeking others’ approval?

In this dynamic conversation we uncover the roots of perfectionism, share phrases and mantras that help battle perfectionist thinking, talk about how overfunctioning at home is a form of perfectionism, discuss the benefits of breaking free from approval seeking, share how to deal with the guilt that accompanies leaving perfectionism behind, and more. This is a conversation you don’t want to miss!

All during March we’re talking about how you can stop seeking others’ approval in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership. It’s an affordable way to work with me and be part of a community of women who are striving for emotional health.

For $39/mo (a fraction of the price of therapy or 1:1 coaching) you get:

☀️3 group coaching sessions(sessions are recorded to view anytime)

☀️Access to all of my courses (including NEW Boundaries course)

☀️Membership in a private Facebook community of women

☀️Access to all past group coaching calls

☀️And more!

Start your membership today at drjuliehanks.com/membership

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse

Bonus: Overcoming Shame and Cultivating Body Love with Dr. Morgan Francis

Tue, 21 Feb 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this bonus podcast episode, I talk with Dr. Morgan Francis about overcoming body shame and cultivating body love. Dr. Francis is a licensed therapist who offers courses and therapy services on her website that can help you stop hating your body.

During our time together we talk about how we develop body shame, the different ways body shame can show up in our day-to-day lives, and what influence social media has had on body shame. Dr. Francis also shares about body neutrality, which is a helpful way to approach the way you think about your body, especially if you don’t feel ready to love it yet.

All during February we’re talking about overcoming body shame and cultivating body love in the Dr. Julie Hanks Group Coaching Membership. It’s an affordable way to work with me and be part of a community of women who are striving for emotional health.

For $39/mo (a fraction of the price of therapy or 1:1 coaching) you get: 3 group coaching sessions(sessions are recorded to view anytime), access to all of my courses (including NEW Boundaries course), private Facebook community of women, access to all past group coaching calls and more!

Start your membership today at drjuliehanks.com/membership

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, brows

Is putting my spouse before my kids the best way to manage my parent/spouse relationships?

Tue, 14 Feb 2023 04:00:00 -0500

Jennifer is a mother of 1 and a widow who recently remarried. Growing up, she always felt that her parents had a great relationship because they put each other first. Now that she is remarried, she wants to know if this approach is the best way to make sure everyone in her home is taken care of.

Instead of always setting one person before another, I encourage Jennifer to look for ways to balance her relationships with her daughter and husband. Rather than thinking of one coming before another, I invite her to strive for a balance between the two.

During our conversation we also tackle mom guilt and the false idea that mothers should be the only ones to care for their children. Because there is no such thing as a perfect person, letting your child spend time with different people gives them exposure to things you cannot offer them. This will make them a healthier, more well-rounded person.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Frequently Asked Questions

Tue, 07 Feb 2023 02:00:00 -0500

In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down with my podcast editor Richie and answer another round of your frequently asked questions. Listen to find answers to questions like

When do I know if I am depressed or just in a rut?
How can I respect members of the LDS Church when I don’t respect the Church’s actions?
How can I have respectful dialogue about my faith transition with family and friends?
How do I make peace with my aspirational shame?
And more!

If you have a question you’d like to hear me answer in an FAQ podcast episode, email it to me with the subject line “Podcast Question” at hello@drjuliehanks.com

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

When my parents don’t respect my boundaries, how can I find a middle ground between putting up with it and shutting them out?

Tue, 31 Jan 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Cyd and address the question “When my parents don’t respect my boundaries, how can I find a middle ground between putting up with it and shutting them out?” Cyd expresses frustration at her parents’ inability to accept her for who she is without trying to manipulate the choices she makes.

Cyd is doing a great job setting boundaries with her parents and genuinely wants to pursue a relationship with them. At the same time, she feels like she is going in circles having the same conversations and resetting the same boundaries.

The pain and fear that Cyd’s parents feel are keeping them from understanding her. We talk about how this does not mean they do not love her; in fact, it’s probably the opposite. They want what’s best for her, and they think they know what that is. Cyd recognizes that her parents are coming from a place of love, but that she may have a superficial relationship with them unless they are willing to change.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, see the following resource:

Why do I have such a hard time when I tell my kids no?

Tue, 24 Jan 2023 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode I talk with Tamee and answer the question “Why do I have such a hard time when I tell my kids no?” Tamee shares that even though she knows she isn’t responsible for making sure her children are always happy, she feels responsible whenever they have a negative response to hearing no.

Tamee grew up in a house where she felt unsafe, uncomforted, and even invisible at times. Little Tamee was driven by fear, and she may be directing the way Adult Tamee parents. We discuss how her discomfort may stem from her fear that her children will feel the way she did as a child. I invite Tamee to tell her younger self that Adult Tamee has got this. She is taking care of her children’s needs, and they know they are loved.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please see the following resource:

Reparenting Yourself course

Bonus: Self Love vs Selfishness with Chrissy Powers

Tue, 17 Jan 2023 04:00:00 -0500

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Chrissy Powers about the difference between self care and selfishness. Chrissy is an LMFT, creative coach, writer, therapist, and mother of three. Her work focuses on encouraging others to live their fullest lives through unfreezing patterns of trauma.

Taking care of yourself and being selfish are two different things, and yet so many women feel selfish for taking care of themselves. Listen as we:

Share our definitions of self care versus selfishness
Discuss why so many women struggle with self care
The emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of taking care of yourself
And so much more!

If you’re interested in prioritizing your self care, join my Group Coaching Membership! We are focusing on this topic all month long.

When you join you’ll get:

⭐️3 group coaching sessions each month with me
⭐️Private FB group
⭐️Access to all previous topics & coaching calls
⭐️Access to DJH courses
⭐️A community of like-minded women to connect & share your journey

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses

How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?

Tue, 10 Jan 2023 02:00:00 -0500

In this podcast episode, I talk with Natalie and address the question “How can I find healing from the challenges of being a quadruplet?” One of Natalie’s biggest challenges is comparison, both in comparing herself to her quadruplet siblings and to those around her.

Natalie seems to have somehow decided that she doesn’t measure up. I ask her to turn inward and reflect on her definition of what is good enough. What makes someone a good mother? A good partner? A good sibling?

When Natalie shares what she sees as good enough, she’s a lot closer to success than when she compares herself to other people. We talk about how she is changing from having external motivation (what do others think of me?) to internal motivation (what do I think of myself?). This process is difficult, but it will lead to her living a more genuine life.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus Episode: FAQ Series

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 03:00:00 -0500

In this bonus podcast episode, I sit down and answer eight of your most frequently asked questions. Listen to see how I answer questions like:

I want another child, but my husband does not. How do we navigate this?
How do I keep a good relationship with my parents while pursuing my authentic life’s path, even if that path may hurt them?
How do my partner and I work together if I leave the Church and he stays?
What are some strategies I can use to work through aspirational shame?

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How do I handle the fear of temporal and eternal consequences if I leave the Church?

Tue, 27 Dec 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode I talk with Caitlin and answer the question “How do I handle the fear of temporal and eternal consequences if I leave the Church?” Caitlin’s faith journey has led her to some questions about the LDS Church. But whenever she contemplates leaving, she feels fear. What if she forfeits something by leaving the Church?

As Caitlin and I talk, it becomes clear that a lot of her decisions stem from a place of fear. If the only reason you’re doing something is because you are afraid, your life cannot be very fulfilling. Caitlin and I talk about what she wants from life and what is going to bring her the most joy. I remind Caitlin that no decision is forever. She can choose to step back from the Church and change her mind later if she wants.

What can I do when my ex doesn’t want to co-parent?

Tue, 20 Dec 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Benjamin and answer the question “What can I do when my ex doesn’t want to co-parent?” Benjamin shares that there are still a lot of hurt feelings between himself and his ex wife due to infidelity. While he is interested in coparenting for the benefit of his children, she is uninterested in having that closeness.

Benjamin asks how he can build trust back with his ex. From what he shares with me, however, it sounds like she may be uninterested in rebuilding trust at this time. I advise Benjamin to instead enjoy the time he gets to spend with his children, to be the best parent he can be, and to leave the door open should she change her mind.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I better connect and communicate with my orthodox family now that I’ve left the LDS Church?

Tue, 13 Dec 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Rebecca and answer the question “How can I better connect and communicate with my orthodox family now that I’ve left the LDS Church?” Rebecca left the LDS Church and came out as gay. Her family has been accepting and supportive, but she has noticed they tend to be awkward and avoidant when her girlfriend is around. To Rebecca, it feels like she is being rejected.

I ask Rebecca if there is room for people to be awkward around her and her partner without rejecting them. I invite her to recognize moments when she feels that awkwardness and allow room for other interpretations. I also encourage her to tell her family exactly what they could do when she is around to help her feel loved and celebrated.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Am I helping or enabling my adult child who suffers from mental illness?

Tue, 06 Dec 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Jodie and answer the question “Am I helping or enabling my adult child who suffers from mental illness?” Jodie’s daughter moved home from college after experiencing a traumatic event, and Jodie is struggling to know when to help her versus when to step back.

Jodie worries that if she doesn’t do enough to help her daughter, her daughter will go on a downward spiral that could have been prevented. I remind Jodie that she is not in control of her daughter’s life. Her actions will not prevent her daughter from struggling with her mental health. She is in control of her own actions and taking care of her own mental health.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I cope with the idea that my dad will always choose the Church over me?

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Shelby and answer the question “How can I cope with the idea that my dad will always choose the Church over me?” Shelby has left the LDS Church. At times when Shelby has asked her father to be on her side, he has told her that he will always put the Church first.

I invite Shelby to reframe her thoughts about her father having to choose her or the Church and open up the possibility that her father can choose both. She cannot change her father or make his choices for him, but she can change the story she tells herself about what his choices mean.

To learn more about this topic, visit the following resources:

Managing Difficult Family Relationships During a Faith Transition

How do I navigate a relationship with my difficult parents who do not support my gay son?

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with a mother and answer the question “How do I navigate a relationship with my difficult parents who do not support my gay son?” This mother grew up in a home where individuality was discouraged, and she often felt attacked for sharing opinions that differed from her parents’. Their traditional Christian views are unsupportive of her son, and she worries for what they will say that may make him feel unloved and invalidated. At the same time, however, she feels immense guilt for opposing her parents in any way.

During our time together, I ask this mother what she longs to hear from her parents. She tells me she wishes to have her parents accept her, hear her, see her, and support her in making her own choices. She shares experiences from her life that detail how she has worked tirelessly to get this validation from them but has not received it.

I encourage this mother to ask her parents to listen to her and validate her experience. It’s possible her parents don’t know how to respond in a healthy way, so I ask if she could give her parents the words that she wants to hear from them. I also urge her to find adults who can nurture her in this stage of life.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I come to terms with decisions my parents made for my life that should have been made by me?

Tue, 15 Nov 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I talk with Rachel and address the question “How do I come to terms with decisions my parents made for my life that should have been made by me?” Rachel shares a few examples with me that have left her wondering “What if?”

Now that Rachel is about to become a mother, she is struggling with the choice of whether to be a stay-at-home mom (which her parents have always encouraged her to do) or have a career. We talk about how she can set boundaries with her parents around the input that they give. Though she can’t control what her parents say, she can control what she is willing to talk to them about.

I also remind her that whatever decision she makes doesn’t have to be permanent. She can do both, choose one, and change her mind down the road!

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, visit the following resource:

Reparenting Yourself: Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs course

Bonus Episode: Conversations with Orthodox Parents with Sal Osborne

Tue, 08 Nov 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Sal Osborne of @comingoutcoach about communicating with active LDS parents during a faith transition. Sal talks about the evolution of her relationship with her mother, who was an active member of the LDS Church when Sal came out.

Sal shares ways that we can help those going through a faith transition feel accepted and loved for who they are. It is possible to connect with the people in your life in meaningful ways whether you are or aren’t part of the same religion. The secret? Communication and putting your relationship first.

Be sure to follow Sal @comingoutcoach on Instagram!

We are talking about communicating with believing family members in my membership group this November. To dive deeper into this topic, sign up today! For $39 a month you’ll get:

Group coaching with me
Private Facebook group
Access to all of my courses
Themed downloads, journal prompts, and affirmations
And more!

Visit drjuliehanks.com to sign up today.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I work through my fear of rejection?

Tue, 01 Nov 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode of the podcast I work with Sariah and address the question, “How can I work through my fear of rejection?” Sariah grew up in an abusive environment, and she sees the impact of that in her daily life and relationships. She tells me that she feels her fear of rejection crop up especially around her family.

Sariah shares that she is working really hard to be accepted in a family that is not very functional, and that she essentially has to betray herself to gain their acceptance. We talk about how young Sariah literally relied on her family to survive, and how it is scary to feel like you won’t receive the love and approval you need and deserve both as a child and as an adult.

I invite Sariah to tell herself that she is not a burden, that she belongs, and that she is enough. Younger Sariah needs a lot of validation, and her family isn’t likely to provide it. Now that she is an adult and not wholly reliant on her family, she can give herself that validation she needs. I also applaud the work that she has done. It takes a lot of work to create a functional adult life after going through a difficult childhood.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

What do I do when I see my mom favoring my sister-in-law who has a personality disorder?

Tue, 25 Oct 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Kellie and address the question, “What do I do when I see my mom favoring my sister-in-law who has a personality disorder?” Although Kellie has repeatedly set boundaries with her mother that relate to her sister-in-law, Kellie’s mother has not respected those boundaries. This has left Kellie feeling like she cannot trust her mother.

Kellie shares that her mother has been self-absorbed throughout Kellie’s life; that her needs often came second to her mother’s. She sees this pattern continuing by her mother choosing not to honor the boundaries Kellie has set.

When a parent engages in unhealthy behavior, their child has a special closeness with them. But there is also a cost for this behavior. Kellie shares with me that she misses the closeness she used to have with her mother, but also that she is relieved to not have to pay the price any longer.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Recovering from the Effects of Purity Culture with Dr. Camden

Tue, 18 Oct 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Dr. Camden Morgante about recovering from the effects of purity culture. Dr. Camden is a psychologist, Christian, coach, and writer who is currently working on a book about the myths of purity culture.

During our time together we define purity culture and talk about how it is more than just teaching abstinence before marriage. In purity culture, abstinence often becomes an action we engage in to receive a reward rather than something we do to honor God or ourselves. We discuss its impact on people's faith, relationships, and sexuality, and we talk about how to identify the impact of purity culture in your own life.

Visit Dr. Camden’s website drcamden.com to take a purity culture quiz and learn which myths have impacted you.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?

Tue, 11 Oct 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question, “How do I change the type of man I am attracted to?” Heather has noticed a pattern in her dating life where she is attracted to men who she has to work to please, and oftentimes those men can be cruel.

We often tend to repeat emotional experiences that we had in our childhood. Heather and I talk about if she felt like she had to work to hear her parents’ love, approval, and attention. I encourage her to explore doing inner child work to heal this part of her that still needs attention. I also remind Heather to be kind to herself as she works through this process of generously giving love to herself.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family?

Tue, 04 Oct 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I talk with Brittany and address the question, “How do I have a relationship with my needy mother-in-law while needing to take care of my own family?” Brittany and her husband provided a lot of financial and emotional support to her mother-in-law before Brittany’s husband passed away. Their current relationship leaves Brittany feeling guilty and resentful toward her mother-in-law. She has encouraged her mother-in-law to seek help many times, but she refuses to take action to better her situation.

I ask Brittany what kind of daughter-in-law she wants to be. Whenever her mother-in-law comes to her with her problems, I encourage Brittany to return to that ideal. We talk about how the guilt she feels about their relationship comes from the false idea that it is Brittany’s responsibility to fix her mother-in-law’s problems. As she lets go of this idea, Brittany will be freer to love her mother-in-law because she won’t feel like she is failing her.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Bonus: Developing Confidence in your Sexuality with Bat Sheva, Sex Therapist

Tue, 27 Sep 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this bonus podcast episode I talk with Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, who is an Orthodox Jewish therapist, writer, author, and speaker who specializes in sexuality. She is also the author of Sex Points.Though we come from different religious backgrounds, our faith traditions have many similarities, especially when it comes to talking about sex.

Dr. Bat Sheva tells me about how sexuality was taught when she was growing up, how the teaching she learned about sexuality as a child affected her as an adult, how women can work through the messages that purity culture teaches, and more. We also discuss how important communication is, how to reduce sexual shame, and how to develop desire.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children?

Tue, 20 Sep 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Amber and address the question, “Should my ex be putting his new spouse and marriage before our children?” Amber’s ex-husband is getting married and moving away at the end of the year. Her children are struggling with the fact that he will be spending less time with them, and Amber is feeling the stress of even more being put on her plate as her husband’s custody of their children will decrease.

What initially started as a conversation about if her ex is doing the right thing becomes a discussion about how Amber can build support into her life. I invite her to look for ways to befriend her neighbors, to set up carpools, and to reach out to her friends. Her husband’s actions are out of her control, she has power over how she supports her children.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?

Tue, 13 Sep 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Madeline and address the question, “How do I release my need to please people without feeling guilty?” Madeline shares that she struggles to make her voice a priority. Throughout her life she has placed great importance on other people’s approval, and because of this she feels guilt when she does set boundaries.

I surmise that somewhere along the lines, Madeline got the message that the happiness of others means more than her own happiness. Now that she is wanting to do more to stand up for herself, she is faced with a great fear: do others love her for who she is, or for who she tries to be to keep others happy? I invite Madeline to talk to her younger self who learned this harmful message and keep setting boundaries, even when it feels scary.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit the following resources:

Reparenting Yourself course

How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do?

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode I coach Alison Faulkner, host of the Awesome with Alison podcast and author of You’re Already Awesome. Alison was getting ready to release her book when we talked, so I addressed her question, “How do I do hard things when they seem too hard to do?”

Alison shares that when something feels hard, she often wonders if she’s doing it wrong. I reaffirm that she is doing things her way, and that’s the right thing to do. Some things in life are just really, really hard. It doesn’t mean that we’re wrong; it just means we’re human! We also talk about preventing burnout, the necessity of rest, and how important it is to keep moving forward. Whether you’re also releasing a book or just have something hard going on in your own life, this episode will have something you can relate to and learn from.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go?

Tue, 30 Aug 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Farrah and address her concern: “My husband is leaving the Church, and now I’m struggling with my own testimony. Do I stay or do I go?” Farrah feels she has comfortably lived in a gray area of the Church her whole life, acknowledging what she feels to be true and leaving behind the things she doesn’t agree with. Now, however, she feels like she needs to make a decision about if she will continue to stay in the Church.

There is a lot of loss, devastation, and grief that comes when you feel your lifelong belief system is crumbling. I emphasize to Farrah that where she is right now in her journey is exactly where she needs to be. It’s okay to struggle and not know exactly what is going to happen. She will know when she are ready to make a decision. In the meantime, it’s okay to sit in discomfort because there is no shortcut to this difficult process.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit the following resources:

How do I navigate feeling like I don’t fit in or personally align with LDS culture while wanting to stay a member of the Church?

Tue, 23 Aug 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Tanya and address the question, “How do I navigate feeling like I don’t fit in or personally align with LDS culture while wanting to stay a member of the Church?” Tanya has been feeling a disconnect between her values—particularly when it comes to views on LGBTQ+ matters—and Church culture. Though she doesn’t feel like she fits in, she has been looking for any possible way to stay.

Tanya shares that she was taught she must be 100% in line with the Church or leave. I tell her that she gets to decide whether or not she wants to live that way. Who said that faith or Church involvement have to be an all-or-nothing matter?

Part of growing up is taking ownership of your life. As you claim personal power for your life, you get to decide what and how you want to believe instead of relying on others to tell you what you should be doing or feeling. I also share that as Tonya gains confidence to live more authentically, she will start attracting more people who think like her.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit th

Bonus: Healing Your Inner Child with Tiffany Roe

Tue, 16 Aug 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Tiffany Roe, mental health counselor and host of the Therapy Thoughts podcast. We discuss this month’s membership topic—healing your inner child—and Tiffany drops dozens of truth bombs throughout the conversation.

Here are just a few of the topics we cover:

How to find a therapist who can help with inner child work
What actually causes trauma (it’s not what most people think)
What it means to heal your inner child
Why your inner child has nothing to do with your parents
How to help your children heal their wounds
Why your relationship with yourself is your most important relationship

Tiffany offers a popular course on healing your inner child. You can sign up for it here. You can also purchase her affirmations card deck at TiffanyRoe.com.

And it’s not too late to join my membership community to learn more about healing your inner child. Work with me through group coaching, digital downloads, affirmations, and more. Join at drjuliehanks.com/membership.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast. Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on

How do I release the burden of feeling responsible to protect my siblings from the struggles and challenges of life?

Tue, 09 Aug 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Dakota and address the question, “How do I release the burden of feeling responsible to protect my siblings from the struggles and challenges of life?” Dakota is the oldest of six children, and she has always felt responsible for her younger siblings. She wants to be there to help them, but she finds herself taking on their problems and as a result sometimes feels drained and ill.

It is a myth that you can solve someone else’s problems. The belief that you can take on someone else’s burden for them is draining, heavy, and unhealthy. I invite Dakota to let go of the belief that she is responsible for solving her family’s problems and ask her to instead see herself as a support. We practice setting boundaries and talk about how boundaries will ultimately make her more effective in offering help to those she loves.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I stop overthinking about things in the future that are out of my control?

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Kirsten and address the question, “How can I stop overthinking about things in the future that are out of my control?” Kirsten finds herself constantly thinking ahead and worrying about consequences, pros and cons, and right and wrong. This interferes with her ability to enjoy her life as it is today.

During our time together, I notice Kirsten worrying about making right choices. I propose a new idea: What if there are multiple good choices, not just one right choice? A good decision is different than the right decision. There’s too much pressure if we think there can only be one right wayI invite her to go for the good in her life instead of for only the perfect and right.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

To learn more about this topic, please visit the following resource:

How to Let Go of Worry video

How can I let go of mom guilt and create more partnership in my family?

Tue, 26 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach entrepreneur and influencer Rachel Parcell (@rachparcell), owner of rachelparcell.com, and address the question “How can I let go of mom guilt and create more partnership in my family?” Rachel and her husband have a common relationship dynamic where one is the strict parent and one is the fun parent and how it is impacting their family.

Rachel talks about feeling mom guilt in this dynamic and as a mom who works outside the home. I share that guilt is totally useless unless it’s pointing you to make a change. We also dive into how to build in rituals where Rachel can connect with her youngest child for one-on-one time throughout the day.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.

How can I let go of control in my life as a mom pursuing a masters degree?

Tue, 19 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Michelle and address the question “How can I let go of control in my life as a mom pursuing a masters degree?” Michelle shares she has always felt like she has to be one hundred percent all the time and if something goes wrong it is her fault.

Michelle wants to have time for herself, time to be present with her family, and time to pursue her dreams. We dive into how she can drop or delegate tasks and free up time and energy in her life. We talk about Michelle’s fears around letting go of things at home and where that fear came from.

Have you ever thought, “I want to ask Dr. Julie Hanks a question”? Well, now’s your chance! I want to have you on my podcast! Click here to fill out this form and tell me your question. I might just pick you to be on the podcast and receive a free coaching session.

Bonus Episode: Healing Aspirational Shame with Courtney Brown

Tue, 12 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I talk with Courtney Brown, CEO of Cents of Style, about aspirational shame. Aspirational shame is the experience of feeling guilty for having aspirations outside of home and family life. We share our personal experiences with aspirational shame and share how we came to reject the paradigm of work and family life being in opposition.

Courtney and I share lessons we’ve learned and discuss how we have both lessened or resolved aspirational shame and followed our passions in life. Part of this has involved building in support. We can’t do everything ourselves! But we can have a joyful life with both a family and a career or aspirations outside of the home.

If you are interested in learning more about aspirational shame, join me in the Dr. Julie Hanks membership. This is the topic for July. The membership includes:

Group coaching
A private Facebook group
Themed downloads like journal prompts and affirmations
Access to all previous membership content

Join today at drjuliehanks.com/memberhsip.

Thank you for listening to the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast Please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I set boundaries with my mentally ill mother?

Tue, 05 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Jane and address the question “How can I set boundaries with my mentally ill mother?” Jane has struggled interacting with her mother and feeling manipulated throughout her life and is seeing the cost of that pattern.

Jane wants to set boundaries with her mother and is feeling a lot of pressure in the relationship. We dive into what would happen if Jane stopped answering her mothers demands and the concern her mother will spiral if Jane sets boundaries. I share that she can not be everything to her mother and that she gets to decide what her interaction with her mother looks like.

Bonus Episode: 500k Podcast Celebration!

Fri, 01 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

This special podcast episode is a celebration of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks reaching half a million downloads. I hosted a live Q&A and answered questions about family, faith, mental health, faith transitions, communication, and more. I hope you’ll also enjoy my bonus musical performance of “You Can’t Lose My Love” and “Mother, Where Art Thou?”

Thank you for listening, sharing, and helping my podcast reach so many people! If you love the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast, please click here to leave me a review. And make sure you don’t miss an episode by following me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I help my kids foster a relationship with a family member I don’t get along with?

Tue, 28 Jun 2022 02:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Kacey and address the question “How can I help my kids foster a relationship with a family member I don’t get along with?” Kacey has a strained relationship with her mother-in-law, but she doesn’t want their relationship to influence how her children interact with their grandmother.

As we talk, it becomes clear that Kacey’s worries are deeper than her kids’ relationship with their grandma. We dive into her desire for approval that may be making her relationship with her mother-in-law more painful than it needs to be. I share that this relationship will likely become less difficult as Kacey learns to let go of her need for others’ approval.

How can I reframe the way I think about my job?

Tue, 21 Jun 2022 02:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Tessa and address the question “How can I reframe the way I think about my job?” Growing up, Tessa was taught that finding a job she loves meant she wouldn’t work a day in her life. As she has grown and entered the workforce, she is yet to find a career she is passionate about. Tessa wants to reframe her thinking so she can be grateful for the job that provides for her family, not just focus on it not being her passion.

Tessa shares with me that she went to school for fashion design. While she works in a completely different industry, she has not given up her passion; in fact, she sews almost every day. I share with Tessa that it is okay if her passion doesn’t make money and invite her to celebrate what she has while allowing space for herself to grieve unmet expectations.

Bonus: Making Peace With Your Body Q&A with Dr. Hanks

Tue, 14 Jun 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode, I answer audience questions live about making peace with your body. I answer questions like

How do you accept your body after weight gain?
How can I expand my self definition beyond my appearance?
How can I appreciate my body’s functions more than its form?
How do I set boundaries with family members when they comment about my body or clothing?

Our bodies are with us our entire lives, and they do a lot of things that we take for granted. If you want to continue this discussion with me, please join my membership where this month we are learning about making peace with your body. You’ll get access to:

Group coaching with me
A private Facebook group moderated by me
Digital downloads including journal prompts, affirmations, and more
All previous membership themes and content
All of my courses
Early access to events.

Visit drjuliehanks.com/membership to learn more and sign up!

Do you love the Ask Dr. Julie Hanks podcast? Click here to leave me a review! And don’t miss an episode—follow me on Apple Podcast and Spotify.

How can I initiate difficult conversations with non-receptive parents?

Tue, 07 Jun 2022 02:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Lauren and address the question “How can I initiate difficult conversations with non-receptive parents?” Lauren wants to break the cycle of negative experiences she had as a child to protect her young daughter. During our time together we talk through how she can have these difficult conversations and advocate for herself if her parents are not immediately receptive to what she has to say.

Part of transitioning to adulthood is claiming your life instead of existing to please your parents. This can be a hard step to take! Lauren and I talk through several situations and practice setting boundaries with respect. I affirm to her that she has the right to say what she thinks and to stand up for herself and her daughter.

How do we change judgment culture? With Suzy Holman

Tue, 31 May 2022 02:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Suzy Holman and answer the question “How do we change judgment culture?” Suzie recently decided to stop wearing her garments and worries that the clothing she wears will lead others to think that she is no longer a safe space. Garments are a reminder of covenants made I. The temple. Culturally, they often give individuals a sense of trust among others of the same group, and she is grieving the loss of this automatic acceptance in her life.

During our time together we talk about the sadness and judgment that she is feeling as she goes through this change. I share that the way we change judgment culture is to take responsibility for ourselves and our judgmental thoughts. We are responsible for our own journey, and not for anyone else’s.

Why is it hard for us to make a mutual decision about where to move?

Tue, 24 May 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Amanda and address the question, “Why is it hard for us to make a mutual decision about where to move?” Amanda and her husband have been practicing a partnership approach to their marriage, but sometimes she feels their decision-making power is still unevenly distributed.

Amanda and I discuss ways she and her husband can decide who will take the decision-making lead in different situations. Instead of thinking about who has more power, I advise her to think of it this way: she and her husband both have a say, and they won’t come to a decision unless they both agree.

How can I support my kids in our blended family?

Tue, 17 May 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Jessica Frew of the Husband In Law Podcast and address the question, “How can I support my children in our blended family?” Jessica, her husband, and her ex husband have worked together to create an ecosystem of support and acceptance within their blended family, but some sensitive situations still arise.

Jessica shares how she wants to encourage Church attendance without forcing her children or stepchildren to attend. We discuss how she and her husband get to set the rules for their home. They get to decide which things are negotiable and which are mandatory under their roof.

Bonus Episode: Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships with Madeline Hanks

Tue, 10 May 2022 02:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode of the podcast, I have a very special guest: my daughter Madeline Hanks. We have a vulnerable conversation about Madeline’s decision to leave the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a teenager and how I reacted to her decision. We also tell the story of how we healed our relationship and the conversations that helped us grow closer together.

This month in the DJH membership group we are continuing this conversation about healing mother-daughter relationships. When you join you’ll get access to a group coaching call centered on this topic, journal prompts, a private Facebook group moderated by me, and more. Join today at drjuliehanks.com/membership.

How do I combat my need for control as a mother so I don’t hinder my child’s growth?

Tue, 03 May 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Chelsea and address the question, “How do I combat my need for control as a mother so I don’t hinder my child’s growth?” Chelsea is considering homeschooling her son but worries that this desire comes from a place of fear and control. As we talk it becomes clear that Chelsea is struggling not with a need for control but with unresolved abuse.

I recommend that Chelsea attend therapy to help process what happened to her when she was a child. This will help her begin to approach parenting decisions out of love rather than out of fear. She also comes to see that whether her son attends public school or is homeschooled, everything will be okay.

How can I support my partner when they are going through a difficult time?

Tue, 26 Apr 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Ali and Andrew and address the question, “How can I support my partner when they are going through a difficult time?” Our conversation covers love languages, articulating emotional needs, tolerating others’ suffering, and more.

I advise Ali and Andrew to remember that they are individuals with unique thoughts and feelings. Sometimes in a partnership it is hard not to adopt the other person’s feelings–to have good emotional boundaries. It is important to let your partner have space for their own experiences. You can be there to comfort them, but you don’t have to “fix” them or let how they feel dictate your moods.

Why don’t I do the things I know would be good for me?

Tue, 19 Apr 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Felicia and address the question “Why don’t I do the things I know would be good for me?” Even though she knows self care would help her feel less stressed, she has found herself utilizing avoidance tactics to manage her feelings.

During our time together, Felicia and I discuss her current unmet needs because when parents are irritable, it’s often from a combination of high stress and low self care. I remind Felicia that taking care of herself makes her a better, healthier model of adulthood for her children. Doing what is in your best interest is in the best interest of your family!

Bonus Episode: Setting Healthy Boundaries with Callings, Interviews, & Cultural Expectations with Rosie Card

Tue, 12 Apr 2022 03:00:00 -0400

In this bonus episode, I meet with Rosie Card, owner and CEO of Q.Noor. We have a rich discussion about setting healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself in Church settings. Boundaries are tools to protect ourselves. Since you know yourself better than anyone else, you can know where you do and don’t need to set boundaries.

People often worry that boundaries are bad or rude, but Rosie shares that this is simply not true. We all have limitations. You do not have to say yes to every calling that comes your way because it is unrealistic to think that we can do everything all of the time. Boundaries set us up for success by making sure we do not “run faster than [we have] strength” (Mosiah 4:27).

What do I do when my husband and I disagree about Church topics?

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Keslie and address the question “What do I do when my husband and I disagree about Church topics? Keslie’s husband is a traditional member of the Church while she is more nuanced in her beliefs. After experiencing a disagreement, Keslie is looking for strategies for finding middle ground.

I tell Keslie that differences do not have to mean disconnection. Different views in a marriage are an excellent opportunity to practice differentiation of self. We also discuss how she and her husband can identify and express their core values both individually and within their marriage.

How do I let go of others’ emotional burdens?

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Ali and address the question, “How do I let go of others’ emotional burdens?” Ali remembers taking on others’ burdens from a very young age. She has come to feel that her value and identity are connected to helping other people carry their loads. She sometimes feels like a bad person when she has her own difficult burdens and emotions to work through.

During our time together I help Ali see that it is important to process, talk about, and feel her emotions. Difficult emotions don’t make you an unhelpful or bad person. They just make you a person! Big emotions are part of being human.

How can I re-find joy in motherhood while balancing the demands of caregiving?

Tue, 22 Mar 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Sarah and address the question, “How can I re-find joy in motherhood while balancing the demands of caregiving?” It was important to Sarah to be a stay-at-home mom when her children were little. Now that they are older, Sarah feels less fulfilled in this role and notices this is affecting her relationship with her kids.

Sarah and I discuss how household chores and parenting are not synonymous. I suggest that Sarah sit down with her spouse, delegate household chores to each family member, and then hold them accountable to their jobs. In taking these tasks off of her plate, Sarah will be able to redefine herself and what she does with her time.

How can I support my husband with his mental health struggles while also holding boundaries for my mental health?

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, I coach Regan and address the question “How can I support my husband with his mental health struggles while also holding boundaries for my mental health?” Together we discuss partnership, mental health, supporting self and spouse, and how to talk to someone about getting therapy.

Regan’s husband had a negative experience attending therapy and has been hesitant to return. I coach Regan through how to explain that her husband can better support his family by returning and attending to his mental health. I also encourage Regan to expand her family’s support system–whether that be through friends, neighbors, therapists, or more.

Bonus Episode: Sasha Piton

Tue, 08 Mar 2022 00:00:00 -0500

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Sasha Piton (known on Instagram as @themormonhippie) and have a conversation about claiming personal authority. Sasha shares her conversion story, answers audience questions, and talks about how she has learned to connect with God.

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe in personal revelation. We believe that the prophets guide and direct the Church, but we as individuals are in charge of how we will learn, grow, and progress throughout this life. Sasha shares how she has learned to look internally for personal revelation to guide her life instead of relying on external sources.

If you are interested in learning more about personal authority, please join my membership where we are focusing on this topic in the month of March. For $39 per month, you get group coaching with me, journal prompts and affirmations about claiming your personal authority, access to an exclusive Facebook group, and recordings of all my past courses and webinars. Register now at drjuliehanks.com/membership.

In a religion where families are everything, what if I don’t want a relationship with a sibling?

Tue, 01 Mar 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I coach Heather and address the question "In a religion where families are everything, what if I don’t want a relationship with a sibling?” Heather shares that while she has forgiven her siblings, she doesn’t want to be around them after what they did. I reaffirm that she has every right to decide who she wants in her life. You can fully forgive someone and choose not to have a relationship with them.

During this episode we also discuss that Heather is not responsible for the way her family will react to her decision. Her parents’ dream of having all of their children together and happy was broken by the sibling who harmed her, not by Heather choosing not to spend time with them as a result of their actions.

Bonus Episode: Communicating with Family about Faith Transitions with Simply Sadie Jane

Tue, 22 Feb 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this bonus podcast episode, I met with Sadie of Simply Sadie Jane. We spoke about how she has handled differences with family members in how she practices her faith and how she’s found tools of healing.

While it can be uncomfortable for people to see you live your life differently than they live theirs, that doesn’t mean you cannot be true to yourself. Variety makes the world a beautiful place! During our time together Sadie shares how she has set loving boundaries with those around her and has given herself permission to change and grow.

If you are interested in learning more about communicating with family about faith transitions, please consider joining my membership. We are focusing on this topic throughout the month of February, and it is not too late to join. For $39 per month, you get access to group coaching with me, journal prompts and affirmations about communicating your faith transition, access to an exclusive Facebook group, and to recordings of all my past courses and webinars. Register now at drjuliehanks.com/membership. Next month, we will explore personal authority versus general authority.

If you have found this information helpful, you can also find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How do I reconcile my faith with abuse done in the name of righteousness?

Tue, 15 Feb 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I coach Katelyn and address the question "How do I reconcile my faith with abuse done in the name of righteousness?" I tell Katelyn that she doesn’t have to reconcile bad things that other people have done. Those people were wrong, and the gospel can still be true. And you can still participate in it if you want to, even though there are broken people all around you.

We also discuss personal authority and general authority. I help Katelyn see that not everything that is said by someone in a position of authority is gospel truth. Each of us has personal authority to decide by personal revelation what applies to us and our lives.

How can I stop seeking my family’s approval of my life decisions?

Tue, 08 Feb 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question "How can I stop seeking my family’s approval of my life decisions?" Melissa is ready to move forward with her life after a divorce, but she feels held back by the need to prove to her parents that she made the right choice.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Melissa through these feelings. They discuss that while it would be amazing to have, as an adult she no longer requires her parents’ approval. Melissa knows in her heart that she made the best decision, and that is all that matters.

Bonus Episode: Finding Your Purpose with Stacey Harkey

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 00:00:00 -0500

I recently had the opportunity to meet with writer, comedian, and producer Stacey Harkey. Many of you may know him from his time as an actor on Studio C. We spoke about something he is a shining example of: the unfolding process of how he discovered his purpose.

During our time together, we dove into how Stacey discovered his purpose as a gay man. We discuss the importance of taking risks and how pain is a sign that you are growing. Stacey aso shares three ways that we can make the most of our lives: through being our authentic selves, discovering more about ourselves and our interests, and giving back to our community.

If you are interested in this topic, it’s not too late to join my membership and dig deeper into finding your own purpose. For $39 per month, you get access to group coaching with me, journal prompts and affirmations about finding your purpose, access to an exclusive Facebook group, and to recordings of all my past courses and webinars. Register now at drjuliehanks.com/membership. Next month’s topic will be communicating with family about faith transitions.

How can my husband and I get on the same page about parenting our teen?

Tue, 25 Jan 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melinda and addresses the question “How can my husband and I get on the same page about parenting our teen?” As their children get older, Melinda and her husband have encountered the new experiences that come with parenting teenagers.

It is easy to become defensive when we have a disagreement. The key to avoiding defensiveness is often in how we speak to each other. Dr. Hanks talks to Melinda about ways she and her husband can do this and help their partnership thrive.

How can I manage the guilt and fear I feel after my ectopic pregnancy?

Tue, 18 Jan 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Monica and addresses the question "How can I manage the guilt and fear I feel after my ectopic pregnancy?" Monica shares that she feels she should have mentally recovered from this trauma by now, and that sometimes she even blames herself for what happened.

Dr. Hanks helps Monica see that she needs to practice radical self compassion on her journey. She invites Monica to remember that healing is not linear and that all of her feelings–even the difficult ones–are valid.

How can I find the courage to have a baby when I am not sure I would be able to handle it?

Tue, 11 Jan 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachel and addresses the question "How can I find the courage to have a baby when I am not sure I would be able to handle it?" Rachel expresses feeling she either has to be a good parent or be good at her career, and fears that she won’t be able to do both at the same time.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares that having a baby will change her life, but her life won’t be over. She helps Rachel identify that if she is mindful, thoughtful, and plans well, she can mitigate some of the fears she is experiencing.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

When is it appropriate for my personal agency to take precedence over my family's expectations?

Tue, 04 Jan 2022 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Rachelle and addresses the question "When is it appropriate for my personal agency to take precedence over my family's expectations?" Rachelle shares her family’s expectation that every member of the family attend church until they graduate high school, however, her middle child does not feel comfortable attending church.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares her experience working with LGBTQIA LDS youth, and helps Rachelle explore the opportunity to reassess family expectations, parent the individual child, and continue showing love and support as a family.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I talk with my spouse about my faith transition?

Tue, 28 Dec 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Blakelee and addresses the question "How can I talk with my spouse about my faith transition?" One of the patterns I’ve noticed when couples talk about faith transitions is we often lead with facts instead of feelings which can sometimes lead to our partner feeling defensive or shutting down.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Blakelee through how to focus on expressing her feelings about the church to her husband, and how she can acknowledge the pain he may be feeling when she shares her journey with him.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I grieve the loss of my baby while celebrating his life?

Tue, 21 Dec 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches McKall and addresses the question “How can I grieve the loss of my baby while celebrating his life?” Grief and loss are hard, especially when saying hello and goodbye to someone at the same time. It is important to find support, seek counseling, gather with family and friends, and celebrate the life of your child.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides McKall through feelings of fear that once it’s not so painful to think about, she will not remember him and celebrate him properly. Pain is how we connect when we experience loss, because the pain is tied up with the love, but the love can be there without the pain too.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I help my husband seek therapy to address his challenges?

Tue, 14 Dec 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I help my husband seek therapy to address his challenges?” We’re born wanting to connect with each other and we learn in early life whether the world is safe or not depending on how we’re treated in those early relationships. If we’ve had some pain that’s unresolved, we can block our desire for connection in order to survive.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through how to ask her husband to seek help to work through his challenges, learn how to let go of his current way of coping, and be able to connect with her.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my Podcast and my Online Courses . Connect with me on social media @DrJulieHanks , browse DJH merch , and work with me through joining DJH membership at DrJulieHanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit WasatchFamilyTherapy.com.

How can I balance honoring my late husband’s memory while moving forward and making new memories?

Tue, 07 Dec 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lisa Valentine Clark, actor, author, and host of The Lisa Show, and addresses the question “How can I find the balance between honoring a person I’ve lost while moving forward to create new memories?” In this episode, Lisa talks about the grief she has felt with losing her husband to ALS, and the challenge she has faced wanting to honor his memory while learning how to move on to make new memories. Sometimes when moving forward after a loss, there’s a fear that maybe we don’t love the person we lost as much or we don’t honor them, and we don’t want to betray our loved one.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares with Lisa that so often we think we have to pick one or the other, moving on or remembering, and we don’t have to choose. Moving on can be honoring our loved one, and honoring and remembering our loved one can be part of moving on. The level of grief is the same as the level of love and the depth is the same as the height. You can’t have deep love without deep grief when you lose someone.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I feel confident in my life as a single adult in the LDS church?

Tue, 30 Nov 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lindsay and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my life as a single adult in the LDS church?” Lindsay shares that she joined the church in hopes of creating a family she didn’t have growing up, and as that hasn’t happened yet, she’s blaming herself.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Lindsay through her feelings of failure, of sadness and loneliness, and how her childhood experiences may be impacting how she feels about herself today.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I find and maintain long lasting friendships?

Tue, 23 Nov 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Whitney and addresses the question "How can I find and maintain long lasting friendships?" Friendships change and evolve, and that can be painful. It can be more painful when we have early experiences that tell us the story we are not valuable as a friend.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Whitney through how to challenge her thoughts and beliefs about being a valuable friend, including identifying what the behaviors would look like if Whitney believed she was a valuable friend.

Why Do My Friends Always Leave Me?

5 Ways to Improve Female Friendships

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I allow myself to feel anger when others tell me to forgive?

Tue, 16 Nov 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Amanda and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel anger when others tell me to forgive?” In the LDS church, we often misunderstand the feelings of anger and believe anger is bad or not Christlike.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Amanda through how feeling anger when we’ve been hurt helps us move forward, and how others often ask us to forgive and move on so they can move on.

5 Myths About Forgiveness

To Forgive or Not To Forgive

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I separate experiences with imperfect people in the church from my testimony of the Gospel?

Tue, 09 Nov 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Caitlin and addresses the question “How can I separate experiences with imperfect people in the church from my testimony of the Gospel?” Caitlin shares a personal experience illustrating the tension between external authority and internal authority, and how she came to own her authority. For many, it can be helpful to separate their relationship with the church from their relationship with their Heavenly Parents.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Caitlin through identifying the grieving process of recognizing leaders can make mistakes, which is a hard transition to make. Dr. Hanks also guides Caitlin through how she can take responsibility for her own faith and her relationship with the church.

Avoiding Mormon Burnout by Saying No

Spiritual Differentiation: Claiming Personal Authority and Revelation

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks, browse DJH merch, and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com.

How can I maintain my own identity and beliefs in a mixed-faith relationship?

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah and addresses the question “How can I maintain my own identity and beliefs in a mixed-faith relationship?” Sarah shares she recently dated a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and experienced a few challenges finding a compromise between their varied beliefs.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through ways she can keep her identity and beliefs while in a mixed-faith relationship. A mixed-faith relationship is about creating a partnership through shared values and identifying non-negotiables, and not through trying to convince or convert the other.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I feel confident in my decision to wear garments when I want to?

Tue, 26 Oct 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elizabeth and addresses the question “How can I feel confident in my decision to wear garments when I want to?” Elizabeth shares her struggle wearing garments as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and her concern about receiving negative comments or judgment from others for that choice.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Elizabeth’s concerns of her choice being misunderstood and teaches Elizabeth that any comments or judgment from others is their problem, not hers. The church leaders give us counsel as seers and prophets to help guide us. Our job is to heed their counsel and in that process we use personal revelation to know how to navigate their counsel.

How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?

Tue, 19 Oct 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Allison and addresses the question “How can I help support my boyfriend as he struggles with pornography?” Reducing the shame surrounding pornography is important, and in most communities in the world, this isn’t a problem. It is a problem because we make it a problem. Viewing pornography doesn’t mean anything about you, your values, or your worth as a person.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Allison’s experience and shares it is not your job to fix, change, or monitor your partner’s behavior. Taking care of you and letting your partner take the lead is going to be really important. If this is distressing to your partner, it is for them to manage it. Pornography does not define who we are.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How do I resolve shame from my religious upbringing for being LGBTQ?

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Kristinya and addresses the question “How do I resolve shame from my religious upbringing for being LGBTQ?” Kristinya shares how she has felt a conflict in her life between her identity as a member of the gay community and her identity as a member of the LDS church.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Kristinya’s experience as painful, real, and damaging. Many individuals Dr. Hanks has worked with have shared this same question and you are not alone. We may feel shame about something, and that may never go away, but we don’t have to let it dictate our life.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I allow myself to feel vulnerable after childhood abuse?

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elle and addresses the question “How can I allow myself to feel vulnerable after childhood abuse?” Elle shares that she’s lost the ability to connect in life and to other people, with a big part of that due to experiencing childhood abuse, and is seeking guidance on how to break out of her shell.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Elle’s experience and talks about how it takes a lot of work to be able to live authentically and to not be fearful. A lot of the work will be nurturing that little girl that didn’t have the nurturing she needed, and actually had harm done by the people she loved. We can learn to be that nurturing place, and with a therapist, learn to heal those wounds.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

After cutting off my family, how do I stop worrying about their reaction?

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches KayJay and addresses the question “After cutting off my family, how do I stop worrying about their reaction?” Setting boundaries can be hard for anyone, but especially difficult for those who are self-defined “people pleasers.”

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides KayJay and shares that this is going to be an exercise in all the things she fears and how to tolerate that. Are people going to be mad at you when you distance yourself? Is it going to impact relationships? All of that is going to happen, and if it’s something you chose, you can own that.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I find peace and contentment in things that I can not change

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Shannon and addresses the question “How can I find peace and contentment in things that I can not change?” Living in a remote area of the country without family or social support can feel lonely. You can acknowledge the difficult situations you’re in and that it’s not what you expected, and that’s ok. You can be grateful and grieve.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Shannon working on accepting her reality and grieving her lost expectations. A good place to start the grieving process is spending some time being sad about it, then working towards accepting what it is. Think of feelings of discouragement as grief of lost expectations.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and work with me through joining DJH membership at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I develop a sense of self without falling into perfectionism?

Tue, 14 Sep 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Heather and addresses the question “How can I develop a sense of self without falling into perfectionism?” Individuals who grow up continually praised for their accomplishments can sometimes feel like they need to be doing something big and grand in order for an activity to be worth their time.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Heather by sharing that our performance and our worth are not connected in any way. A person’s worth is based on the fact that they exist and that they’re a human being, and that never changes.

How can I support my LGBTQ brother who recently came out, and support my parents who are heartbroken about it?

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Melissa and addresses the question “How can I support my LGBTQ brother who recently came out, and support my parents who are heartbroken about it?” There’s some grieving that comes along with families shifting and changing. When this happens, the family won’t be the same.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks validates Melissa that right now, people in her family are in a lot of pain, and that’s hard. This episode focuses on how we can nurture empathy within our family without nurturing enmeshment.

How can I find my purpose now that my kids are all in school?

Tue, 31 Aug 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sara and addresses the question, “How can I find my purpose now that my kids are all in school?” When the kids all enter school, it can cause parents to feel pressured to fill that time with a new job or hobby. Dr. Hanks encourages Sara to enjoy this beautiful time to explore and find things in addition to family that are really meaningful. Make a list of things that are interesting or worth exploring more and see where it leads you.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks also challenges Sara’s thinking that investing in yourself is not contributing to your community. What you have done, what you are doing, and what you want to do are all valuable.

How can I deal with my child's mental health struggles without becoming burned out myself?

Tue, 24 Aug 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sarah Coyne, professor of human development in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, and addresses the question, “How can I deal with my child's mental health struggles without becoming burned out myself?”” When our children struggle we often feel that we need to “have it all together” and may question the validity of our feelings of overwhelm, sadness, and powerlessness.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sarah through identifying that she is doing everything she can do for her child, and challenges Sarah to let herself be the mom and not the “expert.” Dr. Hanks also encourages Sarah to give herself the grace and self compassion she needs.

Supporting a Loved One With Mental Illness

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I make more friends as an introvert?

Tue, 17 Aug 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Sophie and addresses the question, “How can I make more friends as an introvert?” Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we are responsible for getting our social needs met, and we are often the one who has to reach out to others.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Sophie through identifying why she may feel uncomfortable finding friends in large social gatherings, and how her history of moving frequently as a child may be impacting her today. Even when you feel the fear, do it anyway, and friendships will begin to develop.

Adults Need Friends Too

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast and my online courses. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I teach my kids responsibility without creating a parentified relationship?

Tue, 10 Aug 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Alyssa and addresses the question, “How can I teach my kids responsibility without creating a parentified relationship?” When teaching children responsibility, a good place to begin is looking at the age appropriateness of the task you're asking them to complete.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks also guides Alyssa through identifying the lack of support and resources she felt as a child with responsibilities, and helps her identify how her children's experience will be different.

How might purity culture be affecting my marriage?

Tue, 03 Aug 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Erica and addresses the question, “How might purity culture be affecting my marriage?” Sometimes in society, sexuality is framed as a male thing, where men are sexual and women aren’t. So we don’t have permission as females to own our own sexuality and sensuality.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Erica through identifying specific ways she can open up her communication with her husband and asks Erica “what would you say or do if this was just as much about you as it is about him?” They also talk about how to teach children about the principle of chastity and healthy sexuality without shame.

Assertiveness & Women’s Sexuality: Mormon Sex Info Podcast
5 Ways Mormons Can Teach Healthy Sexuality

How can I cope when life doesn’t go the way I planned?

Tue, 27 Jul 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Emily and addresses the question, “How can I cope when life doesn’t go the way I planned?” When life doesn’t go the way we plan, it can feel like something is wrong.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Emily through ways she can set boundaries with those who provide invalidating feedback about her life. They also talk about reframing the idea of being on the wrong track to the idea of being on the track where we need to be.

Read Dr. Hanks’ popular Mormon Cultural Commentary Blog Articles

Bonus episode: Live podcast celebrating 100,000 downloads

Tue, 20 Jul 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, join Dr. Julie Hanks as she answers audience questions at her live event celebrating 100,000 podcast downloads.

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through my membership program, Empower Her Circle. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I be happy while being sensitive to the pain of other people?

Tue, 13 Jul 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Nadia and addresses the question, “How can I be happy while being sensitive to the pain of other people?” Throughout life we will have things we are happy about, while other people in our circle may not have that same thing. That can put us in a situation where we hold two seemingly conflicting emotions at the same time, wanting to celebrate our joy while also empathizing with others.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Nadia through how to appreciate and have gratitude for what we have while being sensitive to other people’s pain. You can hold both, you can check in with the people you are concerned about and you can celebrate. Dr. Hanks also reminds Nadia that we are responsible for our behavior, not others feelings or emotions.

Has Infertility Impacted Your Relationships

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through my membership program, Empower Her Circle. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can we balance motherhood and work?

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Alexis Bradley and Chante Stutznegger, sisters and founders of Let’s Talk Sis, a platform promoting education on race, diversity and creating connection. As new business owners they ask, “How can we balance motherhood and work?”

During this episode, Dr. Hanks reframes the idea of seeking to achieve “balance,” and suggests making work life harmony the goal. There’s never going to be a balance, it sounds unattainable, but having things blend together in a way that works for everyone is a more realistic goal. They also discuss mom guilt and the impact of emotional and mental labor.

Let’s Talk Sis on Instagram

5 Ways to Reduce Mom Guilt

Ted Talk: The Costs of Idealizing Motherhood

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through my membership program, Empower Her Circle. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I minister to those who are questioning and doubting their faith?

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Leo and addresses the question, “How can I minister to those who are questioning and doubting their faith?” One of the best things we can do is to listen more than talk no matter where they are and validate their experience and their feelings, even if you don’t agree.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Leo through recognizing that someone blaming the church or being angry with the church institution is not personal and has nothing to do with him or members personally. It doesn’t feel that way, but if you can think of it that way, it’s not a threat.

Course: Finding the Middle Ground in the LDS Church

25 Things NOT to Say to Believing Loved Ones

25 Things NOT to Say to a Loved One Leaving the Church

Read Dr. Hanks’ popular Mormon Cultural Commentary Blog Articles

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I keep fear and insecurity from getting in the way of dating after divorce?

Tue, 22 Jun 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Coral Ward, founder of Gluten Free with Coral and author of the newly released book, No Matter What: Choose joy whether you stay in or leave a hard marriage. In this episode, Coral asks “How can I keep fear and insecurity from getting in the way of dating after divorce?”

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Coral through how to tolerate loneliness and become comfortable being alone. We can consciously practice this by turning off the phone, avoiding distractions, and doing things to get to know ourselves. If we are comfortable in our own skin and with our own company, we will pick a healthier partner in the future.

Coral on Instagram

Gluten Free with Coral

No Matter What: Choose joy whether you stay in or leave a hard marriage

How can I repair relationships I have neglected while dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression?

Tue, 15 Jun 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Bree and addresses the question, “How can I repair relationships I have neglected while dealing with postpartum anxiety and depression?” With relationships that have become distant, if it is something you really want, you’re going to need to take the lead and initiate the repair.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Bree on how to reach out to her friends and separate her apology from the explanation of what has been happening in her life. Friendships can often be repaired, though they may be different, and that’s ok. It’s also ok to grieve for the way the friendship was before the separation.

Why Adults Need Close Friends

How to Survive Friendship Breakups

Should we force our son to participate in church activities?

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Janet and addresses the question, “Should we force our son to participate in church activities?” There’s no right way to make this decision. As a parent, you need to decide what your non-negotiables are based on your relationship with the child, who the child is, and how to best parent that child.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Janet through fear that by not letting her son have a say or a choice, her son would make some of the same choices she made. We can’t prevent our children from making the same choices we made, and this fear can get in the way of being in tune with what your children need.

When It Comes to Parenting, Worry is Not Love

Read Dr. Hanks’ popular Mormon Cultural Commentary Blog Articles

How can help build relationships with my step children in a blended family?

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Lisa and addresses the question, “How can help build relationships with my step children in a blended family?” After listening to the second episode of Ask Dr. Julie Hanks, Lisa wondered what she could do to help her blended family while they’re young to create a culture of unity. There is no perfect way to do this, every family is different and unique. The way we can show our family we care is by caring and making an effort.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Lisa through identifying ways she can improve communication among the parents, ideas for including her family who live in another state when and where they can, and how she can continue to show her family how much they are loved.

Managing Difficult Family Relationships During the Holidays

Improving Family Communication

How will I know when I’m ready to have a baby?

Tue, 25 May 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Alicia and addresses the question, “How will I know when I’m ready to have a baby?” Part of Alicia’s family story or mythology is “having kids means giving up your own desires and being unhappy.” With this perspective, it is easy to see how fear may get in the way of being able to make a decision about when to have a child.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks shares with Alicia that she doesn’t ever need to step away from her personhood, ever. Having children may shift the pace and time frame of things in your life, but it doesn’t have to stop it if you don’t want it to. The key to not abandoning everything when you have children is creating a partnership family and taking your children with you on your adventures.

Creating Partnership Families

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How do I create a partnership family after my husband’s death?

Tue, 18 May 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Elizabeth and addresses the question, “How do I create a partnership family after my husband’s death?” Elizabeth’s family had been working towards a partnership model when her husband passed unexpectedly. While moving through grief and trauma, Elizabeth asks how she can implement a partnership model in her home and create a system for taking care of the home.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks introduces Elizabeth to the idea of more often than not. “More often than not, my house is clean. More often than not, my kids do their chores.” Dr. Hanks also shares ways Elizabeth’s children can contribute to the family, and ideas for building in additional support during this time.

Creating Partnership Families

How do I move through pain and anger after years of infertility?

Tue, 11 May 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Krista and addresses the question, “How do I move through pain and anger after years of infertility?” There’s a finality in Krista’s grief now, where there was hope before, and that’s a different phase of grief. Even though the process has been long, this new realization and acceptance that a baby is not going to happen is still new.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Krista through the phases of grief, embracing self-compassion, and giving voice to her grief and resentment. Right now, grief may be right in front of your nose. Over time, it doesn’t go away, but it can move out of the center if you give your grief a voice and allow yourself to feel it.

Has Infertility Impacted Your Relationships

How can I manage anxiety related to social media?

Tue, 04 May 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks Coaches Ashley LeMieux, host of the I Am Podcast and author of I Am Here, and addresses the question, “BLANK.” Being a public personality means you’re in a relationship with thousands of people, and with that comes a lot of feedback and pressure. However, the feedback is not about you, it’s about the post, the image, and the authentic expression of you.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks helps Ashley identify that what people are reacting to is the expression, not the individual. The criticism or the praise is about the idea or the image and is not personal. This frame of mind creates distance between a person and the feedback. We get to be the gatekeepers of what we take into our heart.

Ashley LeMiuex on Instagram

The I Am Podcast with Ashley LeMieux

I Am Here: The Journey from Fear to Freedom

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I allow myself to be vulnerable and let people help me?

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Jenny and addresses the question, “How do I embrace vulnerability and let people help me?” We all grow up with wounds because we have human parents. When we don’t get validation for who we are, what we think, and what we feel growing up, it can show up in adulthood as not feeling good enough.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Jenny through beginning to identify where feelings of insecurity may be coming from, and how to give “little Jenny” the validation, love, and support she deserves. It’s normal to care about how other people view you or feel about you as long as it’s balanced with what you think and feel and believe about you. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t have more weight than your own.

Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs

Overcoming Insecurities

Overcoming Insecurities Free Printable Worksheet

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How can I get my husband to be an equal partner in household responsibilities?

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Krista and addresses the question, “How can I create more equal roles in my home?” A common problem among couples is framing responsibility with one spouse working full-time, and the other spouse being in charge of the household tasks. The problem with this perspective is working full-time has set hours and then you’re off, but being in charge of home and family has no time off.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Krista through ways to reframe family roles to create a partnership family. We also talk about how to hold yourself accountable and how to respond when your partner does not follow through with their household tasks.

Creating Partnership Families

Creating a Partnership Marriage

How Families Can Share Household Responsibilities

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

Is my self-love turning into selfishness?

Tue, 13 Apr 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Kimberly Christenson, Chief Content Officer of Promptly Journals, and addresses the question, “BLANK?” Being selfish is doing what’s in your best interest without regard for others. Doing what’s in your best interest, or your families best interest with regard for others is showing self love.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Kimberly through identifying how she can do what’s in her best interest at work, while also showing regard for her co-workers. Relationships are never all about you, and they are never all about the other person. They are about the space in between. It is including caring about others in your decision to prioritize yourself that makes it not selfish.

Promptly Journals

Get 15% off when you sign up for Promptly Newsletter

Promptly on Instagram

Self-Care Helps Your Relationships

Avoiding Mormon Burnout By Saying No

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How do I help myself and my family thrive while caring for a child with mental illness?

Tue, 06 Apr 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Courtney Brown, Founder and CEO of Cents of Style, and addresses the question, “How do I help myself and my family thrive while caring for a mentally ill child?” Most people who have someone in their family with mental illness need to realize that we have limitations and we need more support.

Your child’s mental illness is not because of you, it’s not something that you can solve, and it’s not your fault. During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Courtney through how to respond to unsolicited advice from others, how to validate the thoughts and feelings that come with raising a child with mental illness, and ways to build in support.

Cents of Style

Cents of Style on Instagram

Courtney Brown on Instagram

Supporting a Loved One With Mental Illness

How To Support a Spouse With Mental Illness

How can I reconcile my desire to empower women with contradictory messages from the LDS church?

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Hannah Olson, creator of FreckledHan, and addresses the question, “How do I reconcile my call to help empower women with potentially harmful messaging from the LDS church?” What I believe is that the church is reacting against the devaluation of caregiving and they’re doing it in a less than helpful way. Caregiving is valuable work, but the way the church presents it leads to an either or.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Hannah through reframing some of the messaging the LDS church has presented about idealizing motherhood, while also valuing caregiving as a legitimate vocation and life choice for men and women. Overall, who you are and how you live is the biggest way you can make an impact, and being bold about that wherever you have a sphere of influence.

FreckledHan

FreckledHan on Instagram

Read Dr. Hanks’ popular Mormon Cultural Commentary Blog Articles

How do I maintain relationships with friends and family who have different political or religious views?

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Amberly Lambertsen, creator of A Prioritized Marriage, and addresses the question, “How do I maintain relationships with friends and family who have different political or religious views?” A good rule of thumb is if you know a conversation is going to escalate and not be about understanding each other’s point of view, don’t engage.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Amberly through how to set boundaries when talking with family and friends who disagree, including what to do when discussions move towards personal attacks. They also discuss how to approach differences of opinion within marriage, including maintaining differentiation of self.

A Prioritized Marriage

A Prioritized Marriage on Instagram

Managing Difficult Family Relationships

Improving Family Communication

How do I set boundaries with family without feeling like a bad person?

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 00:00:00 -0400

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Cami and addresses the question, “How Do I Express Myself Without Feeling Ungrateful?” Messages we receive as children can impact the way we interact in our relationships as adults, and being labeled “ungrateful” or “rude” when we express ourselves can create a fear of speaking up and setting boundaries.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks guides Cami through identifying where her “ungrateful” feeling is coming from and how to take care of younger Cami by setting boundaries now. They also discuss how to navigate family relationships where aggressive communication occurs, including how to implement boundaries without the need for justification or explanation.

Managing Difficult Family Relationships

Improving Family Communication

How to Be Assertive (Not Aggressive)

The Assertiveness Guide for Women

How do I not become my mother when parenting my own daughter?

Tue, 09 Mar 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Marie and addresses the question, “How do I not become my mother when parenting my own daughter?” Some parents worry that intera ctions and patterns they experienced from their parents will transfer to their own children. It can also be difficult for parents to set boundaries with grandparents regarding what is and is not appropriate to say or do around their grandchildren.

During this episode Dr. Hanks validates and encourages Marie, sharing that simply thinking about this issue will lower the likelihood of her passing on the things she’s concerned about. She also discusses the importance of not overcorrecting her parenting, and engaging her daughter in all aspects of family life.

Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs

When It Comes to Parenting, Worry is Not Love

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com. For therapy in Utah visit wasatchfamilytherapy.com

How do I overcome perfectionism in my professional life?

Tue, 02 Mar 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Mary and addresses the question “How do I overcome perfectionism in my professional life?” Perfectionism, insecurities, and imposter syndrome can all impact our beliefs about who we are and what we can offer in our careers.

During this episode, Mary shares that many of her beliefs about the need for perfection stem from her childhood. Dr. Hanks guides Mary through a discussion about childhood expectations, how to begin working through those beliefs, as well as how to combat the pull of perfectionism in her current career.

The One Thing That’s Keeping You From Being Happy

Overcoming Insecurities

Overcoming Insecurities Free Printable Worksheet

Five Ways to Boost Your Confidence

30 Ways to Boost Confidence Free Printable

How do I bring more joy into my life during grief and life transitions?

Tue, 23 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Allyson Reynolds, host of The Sisterhood Podcast, and addresses the question “How do I bring more joy into my life during grief and life transitions?” Many have experienced grief and loss over the past year as a result of the pandemic, adding additional stress to life transitions such as moving and the loss of a parent.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks talks about the need for support, connection, and fun, especially during times of grief and pain. She guides Allyson through the process of reaching out to friends and family through deliberate conversations and asking for support, and provides specific ideas for incorporating fun into everyday life.

The Sisterhood Podcast on Instagram
The Sisterhood Podcast

5 Ways to Develop Resilience

Building Resilience During the Pandemic

When It Comes to Parenting, Worry is Not Love

Bonus Episode: Instagram Live Q&A Celebrating 10,000 Downloads

Sat, 20 Feb 2021 16:00:00 -0500

Thank you for joining me to celebrate 10,000 downloads of my new podcast, Ask Dr. Julie Hanks. I’m thrilled with the response and so grateful to all of you who have downloaded, listened, and reviewed the podcast. Thank you so much for your support!

Some of the questions answered in this episode include:

- What is a triangle or triangulation?

- How do I set a good boundary?

- How do I manage my own suffering when other people have it worse?

- Why is it so easy for me to end a friendship that shakes my trust and is that healthy?

- I need to step away from the LDS church and my spouse is still active. What happens to the kids?

- How to learn how to accept love for myself and believe people when they say they love me?

- How to get along with and get along with siblings you have nothing in common with?

- How to feel fulfilled as a stay at home parent?

Creating Partnership Families

Managing Difficult Family Relationships

Finding the Middle Ground in the LDS Church

Rediscovering Yourself While Mothering

Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs

How do I overcome resentment that I didn't explore options other than motherhood?

Tue, 16 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches her cousin, Tyler, and addresses the question “How do I overcome resentment that I didn't explore options other than motherhood?” Tyler shares her experience growing up in a religious and familial culture that idealized motherhood. Painting a romanticized picture of motherhood as the path to bliss, the cure to loneliness and suffering, and the only path to a purposeful life, is doing young women a great disservice.

As mothers, we need to include ourselves and what we want in our life. During this episode, Dr. Hanks talks about the cost of idealizing motherhood, the resentment mothers may feel, and shares ways mothers can stop feeling mom guilt and reclaim their identity.

5 Ways to Reduce Mom Guilt

5 Motherhood Myths Making You Miserable

Ted Talk: The Costs of Idealizing Motherhood

Does my child’s behavior problem mean I’m a bad mom?

Tue, 09 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Cheryl Cardall, host of the Fight Like a Mother podcast, and addresses the question, “Does My Child’s Behavior Problem Mean I’m a Bad Mom?” It is common for parents to take responsibility for the behavior of their children, especially when the behavior is negative.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks talks about how we invest so much time into our children that it can be hard to manage the feelings when things aren’t going well. The idea that “if I were good enough as a parent, this wouldn’t be happening” is a pain point for many, and Dr. Hanks gives guidance for how to separate parenthood from behaviors of our children.

Cheryl Cardall on Instagram

Fight Like a Mother Podcast

5 Ways to Reduce Mom Guilt

5 Motherhood Myths Making You Miserable

TedX Talk: The Costs of Idealizing Motherhood

Do you have a question for Dr. Hanks? Apply to be on the podcast.

How to manage guilt and shame in motherhood?

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 02:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Ali and addresses the question, “How to manage guilt and shame in motherhood?” We use guilt and shame interchangeably in society but they are different things. Guilt is about behavior, whereas shame is about who I am as a person. Guilt says “I feel bad about this specific behavior” and shame says “I am a bad human being. I am worthless. I am no good.”

During this episode, Dr. Hanks talks about how society defines motherhood by always being home and present with your children. There is no right way to be a mother. You will mess up your kids but the goal is to do it unintentionally. Letting go of the idea of perfection in motherhood can help pull you out of the mom guilt cycle.

Show Notes:

5 Ways to Reduce Mom Guilt

5 Motherhood Myths Making You Miserable

Ted Talk: The Costs of Idealizing Motherhood

How to deal with divorced parents?

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 01:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Tori and addresses the question, “How to deal with divorced parents?” Divorce changes the family dynamic and can put strain on family relationships, particularly when the divorced parents do not want to engage with each other. Evan as adult children, having to hold separate birthday parties, holidays, and other family events can be tiring and cause individuals to feel like they have to pick and choose.

During this episode, Dr. Hanks discusses the importance of grieving the family you once had, and communicating boundaries with parents and other family members about what you will discuss, who you will visit, and what you will be a part of moving forward.

Show Notes:

Course: Managing Difficult Family Relationships During the Holidays

Improving Family Communication

How to tell family about faith transition?

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Dr. Julie Hanks coaches Mikayla and addresses the question, “How to tell family about faith transition?” During a faith transition it is normal to have fears about disappointing your parents and feeling alienated from your family. Taking charge of your faith is a normal part of growth and development and there is nothing wrong with you.

If you are wanting to talk to your parents and/or family about a faith transition:

1. Ask parents to select a time they are available to have a hard conversation

2. Write down the main points of what you want to convey to them and what you want from them

3. Make that request

Show Notes:

Course: Finding the Middle Ground in the LDS Church

25 Things NOT to Say to Believing Loved Ones

25 Things NOT to Say to a Loved One Leaving the Church

Read Dr. Hanks’ popular Mormon Cultural Commentary Blog Articles

If you have found this information helpful, you can find additional resources on this topic in my podcast, my online courses, and through new events each month. Connect with me on social media @drjuliehanks and at drjuliehanks.com

Introduction to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Wed, 20 Jan 2021 20:00:00 -0500

Each week Dr. Hanks coaches a real person through a common life challenge.

Listen to Ask Dr. Julie Hanks for healing conversations that educate and empower women to prioritize their needs, revolutionize their families, and personalize their faith.

DrJulieHanks.com
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